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• Speaker #0

  Yeah, I almost actually don't know how to start because we've been, we haven't been doing a recording in probably since early March. But we're here. White Brunch Podcast. You don't know, it's your favourite British guy, Ryan Kimani. To the left, Ryanologist. Actually, you know what, you tell it. Who are you? It's kind of me,

• Speaker #1

  yo. It's a me, Ryan.

• Speaker #0

  Let's keep it official.

• Speaker #1

  Ryanologist on Instagram. Follow, like, subscribe. I know you're not supposed to start it.

• Speaker #0

  Subscribe to your Instagram.

• Speaker #1

  To me. I'm going to turn it to me. Oh,

• Speaker #0

  okay.

• Speaker #1

  Wild brunch.

• Speaker #2

  Okay,

• Speaker #0

  okay.

• Speaker #1

  Wild river talk. So.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. All right. Fair enough. Fair enough.

• Speaker #1

  To my list.

• Speaker #2

  So the classic man chant, for sure. Everybody.

• Speaker #1

  Chant in the building.

• Speaker #0

  Chatty speak a bit louder.

• Speaker #1

  You mean talk?

• Speaker #2

  Talk. It's been a while since I've been on here actually, so I forgot, you know?

• Speaker #0

  Yeah, you go speak a bit louder.

• Speaker #1

  But the outfit is loud, but he's not. You know what I mean? And then, Mr. Canada.

• Speaker #0

  I miss the international The international I'll stay with the international Okay,

• Speaker #1

  okay, okay Yeah, yeah,

• Speaker #3

  yeah,

• Speaker #1

  Sean Connery Sean P Yeah man, Sean in the building Sean in the busy building You'll get in a few episodes You'll see a few with Sean in it And Chad too, so Yeah It's been a while Yeah, yeah,

• Speaker #0

  yeah Energy, energy guys, energy Oh, you know what? It's the turn of the world We haven't done this in a while And life has just been life, man You know what I'm saying? So Bear with us if the energy's just a bit down right now I'm gonna turn it up,

• Speaker #1

  I'm gonna turn it up Yo,

• Speaker #0

  honestly though went to brunch today i had a i had a lot we went to dandy shandy last night which was we're seeing time yeah i got chill right so we got old man world oh i'm i'm pushing i'm pushing 40 this year what about you guys i'll put that that's 40.

• Speaker #2

  your passport push possibly yeah before they won in like three months come on this man this man turns 40 like in two days

• Speaker #3

  Yo, yes, put it on.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah. No, they want to wish you a happy birthday. Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  yeah, yeah, yeah. This is your podcast where we just like big you up, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, big you up,

• Speaker #1

  man.

• Speaker #0

  Happy birthday, dude. Let's just sell him to that. Let's cheers. Cheers to more life, more prosperity, more women for these guys that here are single. In fact, wait, question. You guys are all single?

• Speaker #1

  All the way.

• Speaker #2

  I filed single on my taxes.

• Speaker #1

  Oh.

• Speaker #0

  Rano, are you?

• Speaker #1

  Yes, I'm single.

• Speaker #3

  Sean? Not married.

• Speaker #0

  Okay, alright. Alright, good. So, yo!

• Speaker #1

  I'm not married. This one fell. I need taxes. But, alright, I'm just going to give a Jamaican man a bad name, you know?

• Speaker #0

  Jamaican man don't already have a bad name?

• Speaker #1

  That's what I'm saying, like, continue, you're going to change that, yo. Talk out. Alright, alright.

• Speaker #2

  Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  yeah. Alright, so let's talk about it. Um. About a couple of weeks ago, we posted on the Boy's Punch page. We asked women to submit questions that they would like us to answer. And quite a few of you actually submitted some questions. So we're going to go through the questions. I'm going to see if the single men here, because they're mostly for single men, because it's a lot of women trying to look for us. Obviously, a guy, right? So we're going to go through the questions right now and see what the men have to have in regards to the... Whose phone is that? Okay.

• Speaker #2

  All right. Fair enough.

• Speaker #0

  So we're going to go through the questions right now and then these guys to the left of me are going to go.

• Speaker #1

  So you're not going to answer none? There's none for like married men? Um, no, there are.

• Speaker #0

  Alright, so let's go for the first one. Why is one woman not enough for a man? I guess the first question is, is that actually a correct statement?

• Speaker #1

  I mean, for some men.

• Speaker #0

  Okay,

• Speaker #1

  right. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sure.

• Speaker #0

  What about you?

• Speaker #1

  Me personally?

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. you got rusted i'm kind of full with like a one woman but i prefer a one woman or one solid one you know but some people aren't like me but oh there's no but i sound like a butt was coming okay all right chad

• Speaker #2

  i mean i think it's a direct it's it's a loaded question right you know at the end of the day like It just depends on the mood you're in, the season you're in, you know? It just depends on the season you're in. I mean, you know, not to be too long when you do the answer, but like, one, there's more women than men. Two, the women be looking good, you know?

• Speaker #0

  That is a fact.

• Speaker #2

  Don't be wrong. No, it's... Yeah, and then the women, like, you know, they like us too. I don't like I don't want it to be like it's all men are not innocent.

• Speaker #0

  Oh,

• Speaker #2

  yeah. We're not innocent either. Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  yeah.

• Speaker #1

  You know, we need to make more. Yeah,

• Speaker #2

  yeah. The women are not innocent.

• Speaker #0

  For sure. For sure.

• Speaker #1

  Damn. All right. But where are you right now though? In terms of season?

• Speaker #0

  What season are you in?

• Speaker #1

  May the real one load up still in the woods.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah, but Sean and I are in different. No,

• Speaker #3

  no,

• Speaker #1

  no. No, we're asking you a season.

• Speaker #0

  You're going to question. Like what's the We didn't ask you Oh you said you're a one woman Regardless of the season Well

• Speaker #1

  Like him says I love the question It depends on What's really going on You know When you think about What's going on in the world Right now When it comes to dating Is it me like Finding one side woman Is not As easy As probably it was Back in the day

• Speaker #0

  What do you mean Back in the day I feel like

• Speaker #1

  Time frame wise Maybe like in our 20s

• Speaker #0

  you think it was easy to find a solid woman in your 20s yeah you had solid women in your 20s yeah society's values were a lot different i i can agree with you i can agree with you for real so you didn't have multiple girls in your 20s because i definitely did essentially what i'm saying is you're kind of forced to kind of date and

• Speaker #1

  be in the field at this point is it me i think you can either do nothing have fun and live your life or you can sit back and and hope to meet this one solid woman there's like i kind of waste some time and be doing that you should you should live your life okay all right in my opinion all right so we heard from ryan we heard from chad sean what do you say yeah you remember you only wondered oh you remember one another question okay uh one woman but has

• Speaker #3

  it always been the case yeah okay um how is race right like i have a half sister that's the same age right so how i look at my mom and dad's relationship had a big part to do that but for me in my current season a big differentiator and like the one woman thing is like if she's not the person then it's hard but if she's a person that like checks all the boxes and you have the communication in like the three main topics right and you can work through what your priorities are with that person then it's easy but if you can't then it's easy to start looking and have your eyes straight speaking of speaking of that yo like how how do you guys handle that in a sense where if

• Speaker #1

  you have a girl now and she checks some of the boxes what boxes are we talking i'm saying the boxes hold on to me there's a question like that as well so maybe we can decide answer that question yeah that's it this decision check those boxes right but then like something doesn't really resonate with you which kind of forces you to to wonder what do you guys handle that doesn't mean like you guys um i'll take it off with the girl like like after trying and putting efforts into it or do you just

• Speaker #3

  go and start talking to other girls on the side if i feel that it affects my peace that's it so you will cut it down yeah but like i won't be a dick about it like i'll talk through it i'll share i'll try and express where i'm at yeah yeah but at the end of the day if i don't believe the actions line up with what we both want and it equals what i'm looking for in terms of maintaining my peace and not

• Speaker #1

  to like take over this conversation but like i think a lot of men struggle with that like they will have a girl and i'm like or them I love her, but she's not a long-term solution. but it was a whole long term. So I guess it's nice for us.

• Speaker #2

  Let me touch on that. Let me touch on that. But let me re-answer the question as fast as possible, Peke, right? Yeah. The truth is, if I'm being honest with you, like, yo, let's just be real. As men, sometimes, again, there's a lot of women out there, them look good, and we try to, you know, we try to flex the technicalities. We're technically not in something, so it's okay. You get what I'm saying? Let's just also be real. There's just some men out there that like the morals and the values are skewed. So they'll cheat and whatever. Let's just have an honest conversation. You get me? And again, there's not a blame on both sides of the sexes. But, you know, to be quite honest, women will also throw themselves at men. And, you know, there's a weakness for us. So truthfully, now we're having this conversation as men, we need to be stronger sometimes. You get me? You know, because you can't get, as men, we should be focused on the goals. And sometimes you know, these women are just distractions.

• Speaker #1

  Distractions.

• Speaker #2

  A temptation.

• Speaker #1

  You get me?

• Speaker #0

  the women are attempting you don't think women oh okay i'm not just not this not just okay not just jamaican girls i think that's why there's so much um toxicity in jamaica you think there's i think there's toxicity everywhere no i think jamaica you know all right we live in salt florida you're thinking socks is here i was talking to a friend that is from columbia recently okay and she

• Speaker #1

  has a certain type and i said yo i'll give a date to the jamaican man And she's like, been there, done that. I'm never going back. Right, and that's because she's saying that, you know, Jamaican men are known for being cheaters.

• Speaker #2

  You know, I have experienced that in South Florida where I have gone and met a non-Jamaican female. And as soon as I said I was a Jamaican Jew.

• Speaker #1

  No way.

• Speaker #2

  Nope. So, like I said, Jamaican men have a bad name. That's why I don't date them.

• Speaker #0

  Oh, you. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, that's what she said. Okay, okay. I was like,

• Speaker #2

  wait,

• Speaker #1

  what did she say?

• Speaker #2

  yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's probably it's i would get the premium i think it's very real as well i mean i'm hearing about haitian men the haitians are now like for my family and guess what guys called families in different different parishes like

• Speaker #0

  i don't know so let me amend the same thing so it's men in general isn't it like let's let's just be real just certain demographics of men that

• Speaker #3

  catch more shit than others.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah, because white men cheat. Definitely.

• Speaker #1

  Everybody cheats. When you have this conversation, the women usually say all men are like that, but when you're from a certain area, you just kind of have that stigma. Especially us. See, by the way, we don't all cheat. I'm saying I don't cheat. That's it.

• Speaker #3

  What was the next question? Because like we...

• Speaker #2

  Yeah. No,

• Speaker #0

  no. Yeah. What's the checkboxes that you were talking about? Okay, yeah. Yeah. What's the checkboxes? Like women, what are your checkboxes? Like what do they have to check for you? Because that is kind of an... What's mandatory? The free,

• Speaker #1

  the free checkboxes.

• Speaker #3

  Mandatory. Yeah. I wouldn't say I've highlighted any of the optional ones. Those are like the day-to-day interactions around how we connect. And like do those line up? But the three for me is like, gotta have strong, open communication around sexual needs or like expectations, financial communication, like being able to communicate where we're at, what our goals are, how we work together. And like the big part in that conversation is like, how can we address and plan for sacrifices to be made? And like, are we on the same page on? what has to happen to achieve those goals right and then the last part is like being able to like connect intimately you know or having intention to create intimacy between each other in the communication right because that's easy to die after the honeymoon phase but if those three don't show up in like that's a good behavior that is like a want from the other person then Only one person's really carrying it if the effort's not there. In my mind, that's kind of what's there for me.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  I think that's actually pretty solid. Yeah, for sure. I think one of the toughest conversations you can have with people is, as you rightly said, communication is key. And communication is the verbal and the non-verbal, right? If you don't have that, that will kill your relationship. It will kill sex.

• Speaker #1

  you can't talk about finances because you mentioned finances um and intimacy so yo yeah something i always say is that like when you when you meet somebody the person you should really lock in on is is learning how they communicate and building like a good communication space between the two so

• Speaker #3

  i'm saying and you learn really fast if you guys are compatible if you cannot create that space i actually wanna change angle on that you learn really fast if you learn how to shut up and listened. And these people don't listen in communication, whether it's the male or the female. They listen to respond. They listen to get offensive. They don't listen to understand and just be present for the person.

• Speaker #2

  Just to clarify, listen to respond is like. somebody has a point on their mind and they're literally waiting for you to try it. They're not here to try it.

• Speaker #1

  They're not here to try it.

• Speaker #0

  They're just waiting for me to land their stuff.

• Speaker #3

  They'll shut up and give you a time to talk, but they already made up their mind. And their viewpoint is like very structured. Like what I coach my team on is like, how do you listen for something new? Right? How do you listen to learn something new? Even if it's the same frigging conversation. How do you learn something new from this conversation? Whether it's a perspective, an understanding, or hey, how someone may have been feeling differently in that combo versus others, right? And just having that openness to discover.

• Speaker #1

  But Sean, I think that kind of ties into what I was saying. You find out quickly, right? For example, if you're dating a girl now and you're talking to her and she does the exact thing that we just spoke about where she's not hearing nothing and then she just responds defensive or whatever. It's going to kind of probably turn you off. Like, you know what? You try to work with her. You try to work with her. If she continues doing it and there's no sense of growth in this person, then you move on. You've got your last word about you. And that ties into my three checkboxes.

• Speaker #3

  But that's hard, though, when the male has the one with the emotions.

• Speaker #1

  What do you mean?

• Speaker #3

  So it's not easy for the man to just be like, oh, you don't do this, and then walk away if you're already emotionally invested.

• Speaker #1

  And that's what I'm saying. I mean, so what?

• Speaker #3

  what gets to the level of being emotionally invested well it's different for every man and their relationships so tell me about you you're for you how long does it take for you to get emotionally invested like does it happen in the first week oh it varies on the woman like i've been emotionally invested in someone after like a solid week annoying them and then others it takes time but it all depends on the person the connection how much time do you get spend around them.

• Speaker #0

  I just wanted to bring a point as well. the experiences that the woman has also impacts the way that she communicates. And when you say experience, I'm talking about like even trauma from previous relationships. And when I'm talking about relationships, I'm talking about relationships she's had with like her parents, anybody, not just like male and female relationships.

• Speaker #2

  I'm actually about to talk about that, meaning we talk about seasons now. I'm talking about being 40.

• Speaker #1

  So you guys keep that to yourself. I got some time.

• Speaker #2

  That's the same?

• Speaker #1

  I'm just saying.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah, we're going to cut out.

• Speaker #1

  It's going to be one day.

• Speaker #2

  You know what I mean?

• Speaker #1

  Right. In the future.

• Speaker #2

  So what I'm saying to you is like, what I've learned at this point in time now is like, a lot of people need to have conversations with themselves, learn themselves, and start to... develop their elevator story, so to speak, the elevator speech. So when you meet someone, you're going to date, whatever they go, you basically can say, oh, this is my story. This is what I have been through. This is what I've gone through, et cetera. And then you ask the other person, ask the person you're dating, the same thing, because at our age now, at 40, we have now had like 20 plus years to reflect on our adultness. You understand? Yeah, yeah,

• Speaker #3

  yeah.

• Speaker #2

  And so I, when, you know, when I go on a date, I will like, I will tell my story. This is where I messed up. This is when I had multiple women and I lost out on the good one. You get what I'm saying? And I tell those stories to that person. You understand? And that from there, I think right now what my checkbox is, is I want to hear from somebody. about their journey and what they've experienced and how they're healing from it and the lessons learned from it. Because now that is a connection piece. We can talk about the mistakes that we made, understand how we learned from it, what do we want to achieve moving forward. You see a lot of people too, if I'm being honest, I think one of the questions we talk about is, how do I get the girlfriend title? Yeah, people out there. I don't want to say women. I don't want to actually stick to women. I want to say there's a lot of people out there that they have these goals and dreams, but they're waiting to find the right partner to do it. How much girls you hear? I've met women again, I didn't want to talk about women, but I've met women who say, oh, well, I'll wait until I find my husband to get my finances in order. You get me? I'll wait until I know my attitude messed up. Yo, my husband going to help me with that. That's right. And like, the truth is, the truth is you're going to run away your potential husband. Now, if you come to me and say, boy, you know, say, I have a mess up attitude, but I've been working on it. You understand? And you talk, you start to talk. That's what I say, like, no, let's talk about this season. You get what I'm saying? I'm talking about this season now. I'm like. you come to me now that's what i want to hear that is my main checkbox now i want to hear about your life lessons experiences and how and come you know come to me as an imperfect person because i am an imperfect person and let us speak about our imperfectness together yeah and what you want to achieve because i'll be like oh um well you know that's a strength of mine And that's how we bond over certain things, you understand? Because the truth is, at the end of the day, we're trying to become a we. Exactly. A lot of people are trying to be like, yo, what do you offer? What do you offer?

• Speaker #0

  What do you bring to the table?

• Speaker #2

  You get what I'm saying? You see me like... Meeting. No. And I hear you. Yeah, sure, somebody could offer something to think there, but it's like, you know, at the end of the day, no, it's really about building together. You get what I'm saying? But one thing,

• Speaker #3

  though, you have to acknowledge in that, though, is... that's hard because unfortunately a lot of people in relationships use that and hold it over to the pillar yeah right so like as much as it's free because i also look for that too it's like hey i know there's some strengths that i have that i could bring to the relationship but most women usually have some type of trauma from growing up mental you know it's not this way but i don't date We suck.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah,

• Speaker #1

  yeah, yeah. When I heard what Chani said, I was like, yeah, I have trauma or whatever. And this is what I'm working on. But what if they're like, yeah, I'm working on this. And you're dating the person for a year and you still don't see no change. So they can communicate, say, I'm working on it, you know.

• Speaker #2

  So I'll actually tell them,

• Speaker #1

  see no change. They're like, what do you do at that point?

• Speaker #2

  Actually, I don't want to cut you, but I'll actually tell you, and this will go back to the season of 40 plus. Bro, once I hit 40, actually, it was before. I start to look at every day as a day of less. You understand? Something, and that's why I said to you now, I think my opinion to people is like, get to know yourself and craft your story and tell the person that you date that story. You understand? If you are dating, so I, you know, I'll give advice. If you are actually kicking it with somebody. And you, at a point in time, you know what you're looking for. And this is something I'll actually learn, because I don't want to digress too much, but like actually learn two things. There's two levels now. There's what you're looking for and what it looks like. Let me explain. I'll give you an example. Can actually, you know, Tracy can attest to this. You'll meet people that will be like, yo, I want somebody I can travel with. But what does travel with someone look like? Because people travel differently. You understand? So then you ask somebody, what does friendship look like to you? What does intimacy look like to you? You get what I'm saying? You can be like, oh, I want, again, you want some people to think that like, yo, when I meet my partner, all these things are going to be perfect. These things just fall into place. But the truth is at 40, 20 plus years now, You know what you like and you dislike and you should be able to tell, like you talk about honest communication. You should be able to tell somebody like, listen, when I jump in the bed, I don't want to cuddle with nobody. You get me? Like, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to be hugged up the whole night. Or like, you know, intimacy. I don't want to have sex every day. I want to have sex once a week. You understand? Those are like strict details at our point. Like at our age, you know, I feel like people should be able to tell the other person. I should be able to be like, yo, you know what? It does not work for me.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah, yeah,

• Speaker #1

  that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. The most important part of a relationship is compromise. Like, yeah, you may feel that way, but your partner may not feel that way. And if you value this person, you have to give a shit. Yeah, I just like to meet.

• Speaker #2

  Well, okay. So actually what I was getting at with that is you talked about a year. The truth is, I think at our age now, you can't actually know if somebody is worth it to continue after like two to three months. And then you as a person have to determine, again, how much time are you going to give somebody? You get what I'm saying? You should know because you should know what your time is worth to you.

• Speaker #3

  And you see the habits. That's right.

• Speaker #2

  That's right.

• Speaker #1

  You see it all. But with that same thing, I figure a lot of people are like cutting things short because of that too. There's like, yo, I see this red flag and then just ring it.

• Speaker #0

  Well,

• Speaker #1

  sometimes you don't even understand the red flag. You just sit by it and that kind of like.

• Speaker #3

  no it's an alert to you and you just run away so that's where we are today i think that is just what's the word i want to use in those scenarios it is people who don't understand that that person is probably at a place where they have clear understandings and some boundaries right like For me, I don't want someone to change because of me. I want them to do that on their own for themselves. If I don't see the behaviors change and it doesn't show, like, they want that, then, yo, I'm not going to impress. I'm not going to make them wrong. It's just like, hey, we're not on the same wavelength. Like, I appreciate you. Still have fun. Like, grateful you're in my life, but, like, not going to share that energy.

• Speaker #0

  What up? As you mentioned compromise, what about if it's something that, yeah, it's probably something that you like for the person to change, but you can live with it? Because let's just be honest, like the women that you're going to be meeting now, they're going to come with things that you might not like about them. And there's going to also be things that you do. But if you weigh up the pros and the cons and there's more pros than cons, then isn't that compromise? Yeah,

• Speaker #3

  for sure. But it depends on... on what it is like what it is and where where that is in your values yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah each man's going to have a different value system for different things and then he's going to assess her actions towards it differently right like what is her effort or care level in her actions day to day to move those things forward or create a shift right if i mean if i mean i think

• Speaker #2

  I think you actually asked an answer. Let me explain. Meaning... The truth is, if you say you don't like something about somebody, but if you decided to live with it, that's actually the action. You get what I'm saying? Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  yeah, yeah, yeah,

• Speaker #2

  yeah. It's a situation where you don't like something about somebody and there's two choices. You decide to not live with it or you decide to live with it. Because you see, what is going to happen is you can say you decide to live with it. But let's say in a relationship, you keep bringing it up. you keep bringing you know you use the word you use the words that i chose to live with it but you actually really do yeah because yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if you keep bringing it up then obviously it's important if you actually chose to live with it then you the the most important thing is you verbalize it to your partner i don't like this i put you know like again you decide you choose to live with it you can also say to the person like you know it has to be a reasonable thing too you can't just be like

• Speaker #1

  yo you snore like you know i'm saying has there something that makes sense for the partner to want to like adjust to or are you saying that like you can have things where um do you have anything like that i'm not trying to get into your personal okay um in terms of me um yo

• Speaker #0

  like for me i remember initially like in a relationship the way i communicated like sometimes i would be when i say aggressive i mean loud and dan's never like that you know i'm saying so that is something that in myself i knew okay i have to be i had to change that myself you know i had to be more calm collective sometimes i still get a bit riled up and it happens right but you know it's definitely less than what it was like initially and i think that's his key right like when it comes to like marriage and long-term um

• Speaker #1

  partnership that person has to show growth in the things that you call out and as a person if you're a developed individual you're going to call up things that make sense so what i'm saying yeah right and then your partner know. It's going to show you signs of like, you know what? I love this person. I want to grow this person. I'm going to work on that. And it may take some time, but if you see the incremental growth, you're going to appreciate that person even more.

• Speaker #0

  That's what I'm saying. We spoke about, I think you got to give that person time. It takes a while for people to change their ways. They've been stuck in it for many years.

• Speaker #2

  You see, that's where I disagree. I disagree with that because, like I said, me at 40, this is a topic about single men, right? I'm sorry. I don't have years to give you. Four years from now, if somebody, like you said, I give you a year, I'm sorry, in a year, I'm 42. Hold on, in another year, like, if I give you three years, because like I said, if you look back at, you know, in our past, in our 20s, we dated for five years. We dated somewhere for five years or something. I'm sorry. In five years time from now, I am 45. Five more years from now, I'm 50. You understand? And I'm sorry. the truth is too like i don't mean to make it all morbid but like yo People our age are now dropping like flies. You get what I'm saying? So, and that's why I said to you now, I am in my ways. My habits are hardened in me now. Pause. You get what I'm saying? So, I am going to say to you, this is what I come with. Yeah, man. You know, Charlie, tell me what you come with and then we can decide and think there. That makes sense. Yeah, I hear you.

• Speaker #1

  Here's the thing. See, like, you know, to what you said, I think when you're, um, mature and getting older there's a level where you actually get more hardened noted pause Whatever.

• Speaker #0

  Sorry.

• Speaker #1

  It's a place where you're more hardened as a person. Your checklist may be a little bit more, you know, strict.

• Speaker #0

  at that point and it's maybe because you're like okay i'm talking about you know you're fought you know you're like you know what these are the things that require right and if the person don't have this i'm not giving them the time account sometimes i feel like you're going to get to get some parts in your life and maybe you're 50 if you're still single at that point you're going to start loosening up you're like i don't have that much time left and me being super strict and it now work out for me now sure i'm not going to loosen up nowhere so this is that's like you're also mature you understand that certain things are really metal i think

• Speaker #1

  You know what I mean? The answer is definitely in the details of it. Because the truth is, I'm not sure. I'm hard on certain things. But like you said, it's not like I can't compromise, I can't whatever. It's all a conversation. Yeah. You get what I'm saying? But what I'm saying to you is, for example, if I'm dating a woman that smokes, or if I meet a woman that smokes cigarettes. It's unlikely that she's going to quit cigarette night. You know what I mean? I'm not going to wait for her to quit. She can't come with me. You know what I'm saying?

• Speaker #0

  There are certain things that make sense. Everything makes sense.

• Speaker #2

  So we've gone 30 minutes, but there was one topic I wanted to bring up in this particular episode, right? So I value all the responses, very good responses that you guys gave. I think you guys basically, in that whole spiel, answered a lot of the questions, but there is one that someone asked us is, Why do a lot of men really don't actually like women? Only the physical part of women. And I can be like we've seen recently in Jamaica where there has been violence against women. Yeah. Right. Like, what, what, what are we doing? Like, do we really like women? Do we really like what women symbolize? Or do we just like the physical aspect of women?

• Speaker #0

  I think there's been a shift in how women have been.

• Speaker #1

  Okay.

• Speaker #0

  And I think society, social media, I think all these things kind of play a role in that. Right. And I think a lot of people eat up things, like kind of stop their development and kind of actually send them in the wrong direction. Right. So when you're in a relationship, when you're dating a girl now and she's like delusional.

• Speaker #2

  Delusional.

• Speaker #0

  You know what I'm saying? Like some of the things that she's requesting and the way how she's acting and it may come off as delusional. You know what I'm saying? It becomes a nag. It becomes annoying. Right. And you can't generalize this question either because it's not everyone. So I'm saying it's a select few.

• Speaker #1

  If I may answer the question, I think it's a bigger conversation. Yeah, but it's just so- Well, let me hit you. I think as society right now, we are in a gray area, meaning we are now passing from the past where the man was the head of the family. You get what I'm saying? Because let's just be real, we are 80s babies, you're going to be 40 soon. So I said that to say like, we grew up in an era like where there was no technology, and now there is technology. We grew up in an era where like, yo, the male was the head of the family, the woman stayed home, et cetera, et cetera. Like, let's just be real, women have fought for a lot of rights over the last couple of years, and now we're in the gray area shifting into you know not saying a switching of roles per se but like you said women have changed they're now becoming more independent they're making their own money etc etc but we're still in the gray area where there's a belief that women should be you

• Speaker #0

  know below or sub-circular they believe that they believe that women want a traditional mind but they're not traditional anymore and that's what i was going to ask you you see how women women are changing have men changed as well

• Speaker #1

  by the roles that men play has that changed what happens is like you know it as a man sometime like let's just be real it's it's yeah oh yeah it's a great area yeah there's a challenge to your there's a sometimes like for example like i have had female bosses you understand right and like let's just be real to like sometimes you know female bosses they have to work extra hard to be respected they have to be harsher they have to be Yeah, because if they're nice, then they're doing the right thing. Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  they have to.

• Speaker #1

  I don't think this is that.

• Speaker #0

  They have to. I think.

• Speaker #1

  When it's near a point where they're,

• Speaker #0

  like, overdoing it.

• Speaker #1

  No, and that's the issue. That's the thing. What happens now? It can be appeared as overdoing, and then no. And that's why I say no. To me, like. I wanted to bring this up at some point, but I don't want to go into it right now, but there is actually, in my opinion, there is no war between the genders. I think so too. There is a war between the genders right now. And the war is developing from that gray area because we are shifting into, you know, from the traditional. into this new era of like, you know, women equality, et cetera, et cetera. You get what I'm saying? I see your point. Sorry.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah,

• Speaker #1

  yeah. Go on. I wanted to answer the question because it's true. It's a very tricky question to answer because, yes, you do have women out there that while they are very strong women, they still want, you know, they're strong on their own. You get what I'm saying? But yes, they do want a strong male partner. You get what I'm saying? and they can respect a man that like, you know.

• Speaker #3

  uh appreciates and and embraces his male role do you get what i'm saying yeah you know i i that's what it's a longer coming time i've been talking so yeah i'm trying to talk um i hear what y'all are saying but i think the piece that we as males skip in this topic is that all of us are now successful black men But when we were growing up, did we have a lot of role models for that? Not really. So if we were to switch the perspective, we looked at the question and said, how do you think your dad would have responded if he wasn't the number one breadwinner? Or if he was in the society we're in right now, would he be a good role model for you? And unfortunately, in society, that wouldn't have gone well. Not back then. So who do we have as examples or role models to shift our perspective and change?

• Speaker #1

  So that's to your point, you know, that's actually why you're actually going to make the point. I mean, like, that's why I said to you, to me, no, I'm answering a lot of the questions as a 40 year old male where I did not have certain role models or certain things. And no, I had to learn a lot of lessons on my own. Yeah. You get what I'm saying? And because of these lessons, they have no like, you know, they have no shape in my sense of self. And I want to hear about your lessons that you have learned over the last 20 years. You know, that basically, you know, that is not a form of like a family or like even in your case, you, you know, you actually had a family. Some people, they didn't have a family. You get what I'm saying? You had a family, but not a role model, etc, etc. So no, I just, because I saw something on IG the other day where it's like. A lot of people try to hide behind, they're like, oh, well, my inner child, whatever, whatever. You get me? I'm not trying to diminish the inner child thing. But at some point it said on IG, it was like, yo, at a point in time, at 40, I cannot blame your inner child anymore. Because you have now lived a certain amount of life. Do you understand? And that's the whole point of what I'm trying to say is at some point in time, people need to sit with themselves.

• Speaker #3

  oh yeah yeah yeah that is very difficult people to do that is very difficult people to do it's not even a self assessment the hardest conversation for any human to have is to be self accountable and hold themselves to those hard choices and we won't do it because we have empathy for ourselves and we seek comfort so

• Speaker #0

  unfortunately i think i think a clear indication of somebody that's like not mature is like the mouse point fingers right yeah like everything that happens badly to them is because of something else and they never really own up say like i made a decision that kind of queen is my ceiling right

• Speaker #3

  and every time you ever come to say people that's not in talk my facebook code is your life is actions and inactions so guys i hear what you guys saying but don't really think that we now

• Speaker #1

  Like I hear you saying like, you're not sure we all are women. I'm pretty sure we all are women. I digress on everything.

• Speaker #0

  No,

• Speaker #2

  it's an important question because there's a lot of abuse now, you know, and as I say, unfortunately, if we talk about gender wars, I'm seeing the gender wars mostly with minorities. You don't see gender wars with white people.

• Speaker #1

  I don't agree with that. That's a different conversation.

• Speaker #0

  I feel this is a whole new topic. I feel like this conversation right here needs to be like its own podcast.

• Speaker #1

  The thing is, again, in my opinion, because we are in this gray area, you understand? Sure, we can respect a strong woman or whatever, until them actually say something back to you. Until then. And then, to your point, you didn't actually hear what she said because you didn't like the way she said it. No,

• Speaker #0

  you get one thing, you know, you know,

• Speaker #1

  no, but like, let's just wait until three and two months.

• Speaker #0

  You're acting like a strong woman because she's a strong woman. And if you guys have a relationship that is a respectful relationship, she may say something stern to you, but it's going to make sense. So hold on,

• Speaker #2

  hold on. I remember, I think I saw a shirt where it says, just because you're married to a woman doesn't necessarily mean you like women. You might like that one, but it don't mean you like women in general. So I'm not even talking about just the woman that you're in a relationship with. but do you actually like women in general? Not outside of the physical aspect, but like what they symbolize? Like women...

• Speaker #0

  So like a side woman is not easy to find, and a side woman is everything a man wants. That makes sense? The ones that are being, I don't want to use the word cheap, but like the ones that are just following everything I'm seeing on social media and it's like, you know, rolling with certain narratives, like they see like a A video I realized says, um, Men are decent. Ray, Ray, Ray. And you go in the comments and all the women are just kind of like agreeing with it. She's like, read the definition. Something right now, right now,

• Speaker #3

  you know?

• Speaker #2

  I think now you need to explain what is your definition of a spin.

• Speaker #1

  But one,

• Speaker #0

  I was thinking, we can go there,

• Speaker #3

  but I'm a cop because this brother made a joke about the 4D thing earlier.

• Speaker #1

  Who,

• Speaker #3

  me? No, him. So I got one for him. I was like, cool, love the solid woman thing, but how many solid women have you passed up?

• Speaker #0

  Go back to what we said earlier.

• Speaker #1

  Party. But

• Speaker #0

  I said that on this exact same headshot.

• Speaker #1

  I said I'm sorry.

• Speaker #0

  You know what you have here in my 20s?

• Speaker #1

  Yo, party. You know some women, right, party? Yeah, man. Party, go, some girlfriend, party. Party, party. What's my headshot? You're 40.

• Speaker #0

  Men not really hold back to men not being ready until they get to a certain level in their lives too. You know what I'm saying? At the end of the day. If you have a partner that can grow with you,

• Speaker #2

  do you think you're ready now?

• Speaker #1

  Of course. I say this. I don't want to cut you, but I say I just want to bring it back to, I think people need to sit with themselves and start to define these things within themselves. To your point. What type of woman do I want? Do I want a woman that is, you know, submissive? Like you have like, you know, the ultimate partner wife. You get what I'm saying? You have some women that like, you know, she do her own thing, successful on her own. You have some that like the man is successful and the woman plays a background support role. You get what I'm saying? You have the trophy wife and you as a man and even as a woman. As a man, you can say, yo, you have to determine within yourself. Unfortunately, you have dated for 20 years. You have met 40 plus women. You get me? You just, you should know by now what it is you're looking for.

• Speaker #2

  So when does it become, sorry, when does it become a thing where, okay, I'm the reason. I'm the, I'm the,

• Speaker #1

  it's This is always me. I'm sorry.

• Speaker #2

  You didn't want to try to say that enough. So can you be more, like, make me more...

• Speaker #3

  The problem is, in society, most people are not self-reflective.

• Speaker #1

  Are you? Are you self-reflective? Yeah. Yeah. I have been. I've spoken about the therapy I've been in. Okay. You know what I'm saying? And that's why I said I've been in my therapies for years. And I was able to now sit down and, like... Those were questions he asked me. The man gave me homework. You know what I'm saying? And I used to have to sit down and I wrote journals about it. I had to think about it. Dog, you know what I'm saying? When you watch TV, think about what you relate to. And whatever, whatever. That's why I say, ask the truth with it. So, all the time, the most honest conversation you have with yourself is when you're drunk. We talk about the party sometimes. You know, you ever think about it, you're like, Yo, dog, you know something? It's my real missus girl. And then you go party and you beat some juice and you be like, I really miss our dog. You know what I mean? Like, yo, sometimes we really, I know I look a little tinier, but like, yo, we have honest conversations with ourselves sometimes. Like, you know, we need some juice.

• Speaker #0

  We definitely said we're getting on our own for a table in this episode. Yeah, man. I feel like, yo, these questions, we have a lot of questions. And we answered the one and a half separate.

• Speaker #3

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Think this whole area Sean needs to be a whole little part to you. Yeah We're gonna talk about it I really explore a little bit more but

• Speaker #2

  Yes, for a while guys life has been laughing it's a steep it really and I'm saying thanks for having me

• Speaker #3

  I'll be back in Toronto again.

• Speaker #1

  Give me a thumbs up if you're near.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah,

• Speaker #2

  whenever I never have you. I never have.

• Speaker #0

  Jesus Christ.

• Speaker #2

  And you know what? This is actually the episode where I've had the most single men on. I don't think I've had three single men. No,

• Speaker #1

  I'm finally single on my tractor. Are you single? Are you single? It's always like that.

• Speaker #0

  You have a girlfriend.

• Speaker #1

  In my season right now, I'm like sitting here with a couple of men.

• Speaker #2

  you didn't try not to eat you sorry white ones right out like subscribe love it tell a friend to tell a friend we are boom yeah what the hell was that