Speaker #0We welcome you once again to this week's episode of Divorce Rap. When last we left our grief-stricken investigator, he was making inroads with the divorcee, including star-crossed lovers Beverly and Hotsko, a telegram from Chicago called Detective O'Connell home to his mother's deathbed. Torn between his dear mother and the case of his career, Francis must rally all of his fortitude and faith to find Mitzi Ballantyne's killer before it's too late. "'Dearest Ma, I'm more mixed up than a body should be. "'It feels like everyone here is playing cops and robbers "'and they've torn up all the rules. "'Society women thinking they're spies, "'singers thinking they're made men. "'Am I the only man left who is what he appears to be? "'Always knew how to talk me through a case, "'help me see the bigger picture. "'I can leave in the morning and be with you in two days'time, "'but if I can't bring Joey Matinee to justice, "'this will all be for nothing. Miss Carey telegrammed to say that they've called Father Sullivan. Please hang on. Please. Jesus Mary and Holy Saint Joseph, it tastes like turpentine! Alright, boyo. Your bearings. Well, look what the catechism dragged in. Saint Francis of the Sissi. Chief Bugnackey. I saw you tying one on with the Rose Woman. St. Francis does talk to the birds. She's a person of interest. I'll say. Elegant plumage. But she's old enough to be your mother. Why don't you go play with some in your own age? There's a gal here, Nancy. I'll introduce you. More curves than a pretzel cart. And there's this thing she does with her ankles. Chief, I'm not in the mood. With a sequined turkey buying you hooch, I don't blame you. We got off on the wrong foot. I know this town threw you a few curveballs, but you took your lumps and now look at you. Back for more. Glad you came around to seeing things the way they are, not just the way you like them. I'm here to finish my investigation. That's all. You play coy all you want. I know a convert when I see one. Or smelling. Was she footing the bill for that single malt? You lucky dog. Say, when Joey gets here, how about you give the kosher chicken the slip and we go upstairs to his dressing room? We bury the hatchet. Next thing you know, there's no need for you to go back to Chi-town. Could use some young blood here. I'd rather spend the night in here than pal around with you two reprobates. Still so much to learn. Joey, or more to the point, his patrons, they keep the lights on. How can you say that and uphold the law? Because one hand washes the other. Yoo-hoo! Detective, come back! I come to you, but I can't drink and stand at the same time. Surely you understand. Your drink was melting, so I drank it. Waste not, want not. What's got you looking like a slap to a she? Nothing. Is Joey here yet? Nope. I've been watching the door. You're welcome. What took you so long? Chief Bugnacki. That leathery slimeball? The same. He thinks I've forsaken my values. Offered to take me upstairs to Joey. Well done. I told him I had no interest. For the love of... I know you're a good kid, but do you have to be such a schmuck? You just threw away your shot at getting close to Joey. I can get to Joey without sullying the name of Chicago PD. Are you gonna rough him up? Give him a good whack upside the noggin with this little pea shooter? Clint, I'm a missing persons detective, not Philip Marlowe. You know, I have it on very good authority that Mr. Bogart is actually rather short in stature. Not unlike yourself, so that you could- Where did you get this gun? I couldn't. You'd think less of me. In this moment, Ms. Rose, I could not possibly think less of you. At the pawn shop. Rusty's. There's no point in denying it. You know Mitzi afforded me certain... Generosities. Well, with her gone, Harrison's news, and my incipient ruin, I had no choice but to try and scrape together something from all of Mitzi's gifts. So you go to pawn the jewelry and find this gun? You should thank me. I could have kept all the money for myself. Should have. but I have such a personal investment in this case. How did you know it was Mitzi's gun? She showed it to me herself. Besides, who could forget a gun this dinky? Remington 95 double barrel, pocket pistol, not even five inches. Takes 41 caliber rimfires, which would mean... Just imagine where she could keep it. I'll leave those particular thought experiments to you. You said it was a gift from Joey? I remember, because I asked her, point blank, if you'll pardon the expression, did you get it from Joey for protection, or did you get it for protection, from Joe? Haha, it gives you chills, doesn't it? But she insisted it was a gift and Joey's all caramel under all that bravado. Caramel or no, let's put the bonbon back in your purse before it goes off, huh? I do so love playing with it. I think I see why you boys are so preoccupied with these things. Ladies and gentlemen, are we having a good time? Detective, darling, you absolutely must stay for Hotzko's Act. Miss Rose, this is my last night in Reno. Which is why I insist. Bartender. A few thousand miles from home, give it up for the world-famous oriental chan-chuse herself, Hotzi Totzi Hotzko Lee. She was from San Francisco. Hold on to your shorts, kid. The whole Simona thing was my idea. Can't be her. Play it up, I told her. It's already what those pussies are thinking. Cheers! I didn't order that. Tough toofus. Drink up. There's sober kids in India. The West, it is best with an outstretched arm to smile and to say, sss, sss, sss. But where I come from, I keep also, Mom, as I bow to you. Over here it is clear to succeed in love I should walk right up to a man But back east my prize was to feast my eyes And to flirt from behind my fan I've got a little secret that I want to confess I may not know all of your English words But I know how to say yeah. And I say konnichiwa. I really mean hello. When I whisper Iced Beer House, it means I want to be. I could finally make you mine in the land of the rising sun. But here, I'll queal until the time you show me what you've done. Why is she doing that voice? Isn't it cute? Cute? Makes you feel so big and strong and colonial, doesn't it? Go out and get closer. Live a little. If you don't mind my accent, I understand what you mean. Good morning, Tita. I don't hear you. Because I must thank you for the fact that you gave me this keyboard. I need to stop. It means I want to see you. I think we're going to make this point in the hour of the rising sun. The sun is going to come to you. But you don't have to put your hands on the tablet. Excuse me, mister. This is for you. Compliments of the lush. Yes, thank you. I am suddenly a bit...thirsty. That's not soda pop. Don't you like it? I thought all you Irish liked whiskey. Pardon? Chief McNaggy told me you might be needing some company later. Oh, Miss Ankles. I mean... Nancy. Charmed, I'm sure. Miss Nancy, I'm afraid the chief has given you some bad information. Mm-hmm. I got a thing for cops. I... I... Well, that's very interesting. If you really want to party, we can take it upstairs. Upstairs? I'll take real good care of you. Maybe another time. Thank you, doll. Eight puts you at 22, sir. Better luck next time. House wins. I'm off to powder my nose, but Henry can take your money just as well as I can, so stick around. Francis, any luck? Afraid not. You look a little green in the gills. Just not accustomed to hard liquor. We didn't keep it in the house. You ain't just the oddest duck. You seen Joey yet? I've been waiting for him. He's here. He came in during Hotsko's number and went upstairs. Weren't you paying attention? I... Yes, I was paying attention. You was getting a real eyeful of Hotsy Totsy, weren't you? I may have glanced at the stage. She's a real looker, huh? I am not qualified to judge Ms. Haverford's talents or her pert... their pert... their pertinence to my investigation. Now, which way to upstairs? Well, don't get too excited, Tomcat. They got guards on the doors. Used to feel us a lot bigger and meaner than you. Only way you're getting upstairs is with a girl. Kevins, you just took your break then, shall we? A working girl. Upstairs is where they all, well, work. Joey's dressing room is up there on account of him being a celebrity. For the privacy, I reckon. Dottie, I'm not going to consort with these so-called working girls. I don't give a hoot who you consort with. Once Joey's in his room, can't nobody get him out to places. Go find yourself a whore. Or, I don't know, climb the fire escape like a different kind of tomcat. Dottie, you're as brilliant as you are Frank. At least one of us gets to be Frank. Hondo, try standing on this trash can. Okay, hermano. You're nearly there. I can't stretch anymore. A little to the left, maybe? Do not try to help. I would be trying myself if I didn't have my thing with heights. Francis, you do not need to lie. I understand your fear of high places, especially these high places, since they are full of ladies. I'm really getting it from all sides today. Wando, you've done it! I hope I've convinced you. I'm trying to help. Yes, yes, I promise to apologize fully after I've interrogated Joey. Now, go on, get up there, and see which window is his. Just ask that jackass one thing. Is Tagagi so much harder to say than leave? I'd tell him to lay off the hot sticks. Hey! Miss Atsuko! Hondo! What are you doing up there? I am helping Detective Francis get upstairs to Mr. Joey without surrendering his virginity. Detective! I didn't see you there. Enjoy the show. I saw you. Con permiso. Lift, please. I can't pull myself up to the next floor! Duty calls, detective. I'll get his leg. Come on. Come over here. I'm not going to bite. And you grab his other leg. Got it. Okay. We'll put our weight under his feet. And Hondo, you push off us until you can climb. Got it? See you, Hatsuko. Sound good, detective? See you, Hatsuko. I mean, I see Hatsuko. Now, squat down. Hope you don't get dirt on your costume. It is not a costume. It's a kimono. Ah! It looks like a wall. It is not a costume until I put on my lipstick and take my stockings off. Hondo, be careful nobody sees you. I will be stealthy. But polite. Thank you for the help. Hm. Anytime. You're stronger than you look. What's that supposed to mean? Whatever you want, as long as it's a compliment. I am sick of being misunderstood tonight. Well, thanks for the do-it-yourself praise. You get the rest of my cigarette to explain all this, and I'll do the best to understand. Joey is in his dressing room, and I need to question him, but it appears the only ticket to the second floor is premarital relations with Jezebel, and I simply cannot bring myself to... Oh. Yeah. Is that all? Oh, detective, I am disappointed in you. Just go in there and ask for a girl. But I don't. Pretend. Pretend? You mean lie? You don't need to go through with anything. Just play along until you get what you want. Pretend. Is that what you're doing up there? Pretending. You aren't from Tokyo. That was my cigarette, and there goes my patience. What would you have me do, detective? Join the Andrews sisters? I bet I fit right in. So you enjoy squandering your talents? Basing yourself in front of all those lecherous just- You were front and center, if memory serves. What would your folks think if they saw you up there? My parents would be proud that I'm still singing. I'm glad you have the luxury of sticking to your morals because every day I have to choose between the lies I can tolerate and the lies that I can't. It costs you nothing to pretend. Nothing but a little imagination. There are days it costs me almost everything. Are you still with us? Jupers, are you okay? What's going on? Where is it? There is no dice. Mr. Joey's dressing room is in the other side of the casino. Oh, Aoife will bust my cojones if I'm not up at sunrise where I'm for two minutes. No rest for the weary. Thank you for trying. I mean it. I will be in the car if you need me. But now I nap. Sleep well. Hatsuko, please forgive me. I've been such a heel. Keep a close eye on Bev through to Chicago, and we're square. She is, I believe, still quite fond of you. See? You're an actor already. And they brought Daniel and cast him into the den of lions. Liquid courage. More like liquid punch in the face. Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. What's a fine little filly like you doing all by yourself? Oh, hiya Slim. Just killin'a little time. Waiting. For. You. I've just got two questions for you. One, what's this coin doing behind your ear? And two, you still have a thing for cups? We both hit the jackpot, baby. Come on, this way. I thought I told you to get lost. Gangway, Anthony. He's with me. Oh, well, looks like the leprechaun's getting lucky after all. He already won me a little pot of gold. You better believe it. I am going to fornicate the daylights out of this woman right here. Woo-hoo! Is Anthony going to get lucky? Ooh, I hope you brought your cuffs. I hardly think that's necessary. Uh-oh, you're leaving breadcrumbs, Hansel. We don't have enough pockets between us for this haul. Don't worry, they roll them up when you cash out. Come here, I'm up here on the left. Oh, is that Joey's dressing room over there? Could we just pop in and say hello? You want to hobnob at a time like this? You gotta get your priorities straight. Alone at last. You set a timer? A half hour. You want to spring for the full? The things I could do to you. No, thank you. I can't tell if you're cheap or polite. Joey can't hear us from in here, can he? Geez, you really got a fixation, don't ya? Just curious is all. I bet that's not all you're curious about. Oh, wow. Want to help with my stockings? No. In fact, you could leave them on. They're quite... fetching. Whatever you want. Let's get your jacket off. Oh, yeah. Oh, you like my perfume? Uh-huh. Do you have a... a robe or something you could put on? You're funny. Oh, what's it like working down the hall from a celebrity? Oh, it's not anything special. So let's stop playing 20 questions and start playing Mommies and Daddies. Well, it's my half hour. 27 minutes. And I want to get to know you a little bit. Oh. I don't really, um, know what I'm doing here. Oh... I see. Been a while since I've had a romantic. Um, Joy's a diva. Oh my heavens, that feels nice. Wait, what are you- Loosen your tie. Stay a while. Yeah. Sure, he throws a good party, but the management here spoils him, keeping him all separate. Why do you think they do that? Search me. You can if you want. 25 minutes left. They wouldn't have if he was Greek or a Polack, but since he's Italian... Italian? These will simply have to come off. Joey Matinee's just what the papers call him. He's really Joey Mastrantonio. I mean, I get it, why he does it. It ain't stage-worthy. Mastrantonio. It's a mouthful. And speaking of a mouthful... Do you like jokes? Uh-huh. You just reminded me of a great joke. Go ahead and tell it, tiger. Ooh, you got goose pimples, baby. Oh, you're going to keep doing that. You just gonna lie there? Just trying to think of a joke. Time's a-wastin', Romeo. Romeo, Italy, Italy. Say, Nancy, you heard about those Italian tires? Hey, my shirt! Pants are next if you keep this up. Oh! Have you heard the one about those, uh, Alliantires? Let's see if I can motivate you. Oh. They go here, they go there, they go flat, they go wop, wop, wop. I'm starting to think you don't want to screw me. I have a confession to make. You're a very... Spirited girl. And certainly full of vigor, but... I was hoping to get an autograph from Joey. You see, I'm a big fan. Aww, honey. You should have told me you was a homosexual. Could have saved me a whole mess of trouble with your suspenders. Don't move. Joey! Be a tough guy, be a tough guy. Why'd she throw my holster? Let's all pretend. Be a tough guy. Be like mom. Sweet kid, just give him an autograph and he'll probably get right- You! Nancy, you dumb slut, he's a cop! Cops can't like showbiz people all of a sudden? Sorry sweetheart, but I don't like this fella one bit. Oh! Buongiorno. Right in the little joeys. Son of a bitch! My caulioli! A little payback for last time. All of a sudden, I think I oughta... go. Antony! Tell him! You won't tell anybody anything if you know it's good for you. You have no clue who you're fucking with. If there's one thing I've got, it's clues. I am sick of this runaround. Mitzi Ballantine and Joey Matinee were the worst kept secret in Reno, and now she's dead! Augh! Augh! Let me shut the door. I don't know how much you value your privacy. Augh! Augh! Now listen, and listen good. Augh! Well, listen well. Ugh! I'm sorry I kicked you in the testicles, but... Pull yourself together! Oh, Mitzi. Mitzi's dead? Don't think I'm gonna fall for a two-bit performance from a lowlife like you. Why'd you do it, Joey? Did you need her money? Couldn't stand to play second fiddle to a stable boy? Maybe your managers didn't take too kindly to you shacking up with a politician's wife. Is that it? Mitzi, baby, when I find out who did this... Are you telling me you had nothing to do with her disappearance? She took a powder, that's all I knew! Last I saw her, she was in my dressing room! You wear all this? It's hot under the lights. Don't let the papers see your dressing room. They'll say you're effeminate. There ain't nobody calling me effeminate. Zip me up, would you? How's it feel, screwing the boss? It's bad luck to talk like that before the deal goes through. The deal is going to go through. It's a fabulous offer. I don't know. That Barracuda's got an axe to grind. Then we'll have to be extra persuasive. You know, I was thinking columns. Big columns like they've got in Europe. And palm trees. We could drive them in from the coast. Really give this place a little oomph. Couldn't you just picture it? And you're sure you want it to be with me? I mean, it's a lot easier being a mayor's wife. Is Joey jealous? Baby, he's so far out of the picture, he's selling popcorn. You mean it. What are you doing? How about we make this partnership official? You know, all the way legit! Joey, are you stupid? What? I'm not even divorced yet. You want to take out a full-page ad in the Tribune? I'm just crazy for you, baby. Then marrying me is the last thing you should be doing. It's not just that. If, you know, a couple is running the place, it looks better. Better for whom? For our investors. For our clients. It looks more above board. So you think I can't run the place myself, is that it? You think I need you? I don't need you. I don't need anybody. This is bullshit! Baby, baby, I'm sorry. Just take the ring, would you? Look at it. I got it special just for you. I couldn't sleep at night thinking I gave you a gun but not a ring. I love you, Mitzi. Aw, Jojo, you really do know my style. It's darling. That's, uh... that's not the right hand. Oh, contraire, it is my right hand. I don't want any of those nosy biddies to get any ideas. Don't look at me like that, sourpuss. I'm wearing it, aren't I? We've just gotta wait a little longer. Still picking me up tomorrow night? I went to the Sidewinder like she asked, but she wasn't there. Who did this? Who took her from me? That's what I'm trying to find out. I do know she never arrived at the casino that night. What happened when you came to pick her up? I waited for her at the sidewinder. Idled in the driveway for 20 minutes. And that jack bitch came out, told me she left. Hotsko? Yeah, she said Mitzi went back to Chicago to... patch things up with her husband. Here. I have a handkerchief here somewhere. Ah, to hell with it. I'll manage. Look, I know that we've had our, uh... Educations? I need you to swear something to me. Not until I know what it is. Don't tell the boys I... I got like this, okay? It's one thing you nailing me in the stones, but if they knew I was this torn up over abroad, I'd never live it down. I'll swear it on my mother, but you've got to tell me one thing first. What deal were you and Mitzi going into? I figured you knew. Me and Mitzi were going to buy the sidewind. Divorce Ranch, a Good Story Guild production. Created by Rachel Musick. Show running by Michi Broman and Elena Christina Wagoner. This episode was written and directed by Rachel Musick. Starring Christopher Gebauer as Frances. Kate Fugelai as Aoife. Enrique Quintero as Hondo. Lisa Pedacci as Helen. Laureen Chesley as Sarah. Laura Lee Walsh as Beverly. Laura Holliday as Dottie. Tina Huang as Hotsko, and Chelsea Lang as Mitzi Ballantyne. Featuring the Divorce Ranch Players, Ted Evans, Jamie Lujan, Jesse Birch, Megan Falcone, Marnina Schoen, Kasia Monia, and Neil Fleming. I Know How to Say Yes was performed by Keiko Shimazato-Carrera. Music by Michelle Suttos Sound design by Lauren Cooper Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Evan Chambers Produced by Simone Kissel Executive produced by the Good Story Guild For transcripts, full cast and crew information, and to follow this and other Good Story Guild productions, please refer to our show notes.
