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Unresolved trauma doesn’t disappear; it repeats. Learn how to break the cycle and begin the journey from brokenness to wholeness.

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Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Welcome to the Growth Gems podcast, where we believe that growth is a journey, not a destination. This podcast is designed to empower you with the necessary tools to unlock your full potential and develop yourself, both personally and professionally. Welcome to the Growth Gems podcast. We provide insightful conversations and share inspiring stories that will help you grow emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. Our goal is to create a community of like-minded individuals who are on a journey of self-improvement and help you live a more fulfilling life. We aim to equip you with resources, strategies, and growth gems that you can apply in your daily life to achieve your goals and reach your full potential.

• Speaker #1

  So,

• Speaker #0

  get ready to embark on a journey of transformation and join us in discovering the power of growth.

• Speaker #1

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Growth Gym Podcast, where growth is a journey and not a destination. I am your host, Chris Briggs. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode. And we want to say thank you to all our listeners across the world for taking time out and listening to us. as we are growing together on this journey to be all that we are intending to be to reach our purpose and potential in life. We got a great episode today. And before we get started, I want to do what I do every episode. I want to ask you to subscribe. I want to ask you to review. I need you to share this with all your family and friends, everyone you know who needs to hear this episode. because today we got a good one, you all. And so I'm excited about diving into this episode. Also, just to give you a little heads up, our YouTube channel, Growthium Podcast is on Chris Briggs. You can look me up on YouTube now. And our podcast episodes are available on YouTube. so you can... There's another outlet that you can listen to the Growth Gym podcast. Share that with your family and friends and let them know that we are on YouTube. Growth Gym podcast on the page Chris Briggs. All right. We're going to pick up where we left off in our last episode. We dealt with unresolved. trauma. And on this episode, we're going to be dealing with how we can heal that unresolved trauma. All right. And I want to say this, that all of us got scars. All of us are dealing with whatever type of scar and unresolved trauma. We all have it. If it's due to work, relational. We always have to remember that unresolved trauma and drama, all right, let me add that drama, because some people got drama in their life, doesn't just disappear. We got to deal with it, all right? I don't care how long you wait, it doesn't disappear. It festers. It becomes worse before it becomes better. And so I think what happens is that many people think it's just going to disappear if you don't deal with it. And you got to deal with the unresolved trauma in your life. You got to deal with it. And avoidance is not healthy. Avoiding is not healthy. You got to have those hard conversations. You got to have those hard talks. And in those hard conversations, you have to realize that when we, and it hurts because everybody is not mature. You may have good intentions. You may have the right mindset that you want to make this right. You want to rectify it. You want to reconcile it. You want to restore, but everybody's not mature. And so sometimes you become discouraged when you think about it. And so you got to have those hard conversations. But today, as we walk through this journey of growth and we walk through dealing and how we heal through unresolved healing from our unresolved trauma, we are walking through a path of identifying, confronting, and beginning the process of healing. All right. Did you get that? Let me rewind that. We're going to be dealing with this path of identifying, confronting, and beginning the process. of healing from silent battles. Yes, you have the facade, the smile, but are you really dealing with the silent battles that are within your heart, within your mind, and even in your soul? All right. So how do I deal with unresolved trauma? How do I heal from it? How do I get past it? And I want to say, you don't get past it, you get through it. All right. It don't, and it may be, it may be grief, maybe loss, whatever season. And I'm, you know what I'm discovering you all, even in my life at this time, that everybody's in different seasons of our lives. Everybody is not, even though we are living in the same world, but everybody's inner world is in a different place. Yes, we're all living in the same world internationally and maybe in different countries. We're all living in that, we're all in that space. But inwardly, we're all in different worlds and different seasons. And I'm realizing that. So where... where I may be internal in the internal world of my mind, emotions, and in the seat of my soul, somebody else may not be there. And so I have to realize that we have to be patient with people. And let me state that we have to be patient with ourselves. So the unresolved trauma and me healing from it um I Y'all know, you got your pen and paper out, you got your notes, because I want to drop some growth gems on you all that's going to help us. Because there's nothing like being not a half person, but a whole person. And that you are totally healed. All right? Here go the first one. How do I heal from unresolved trauma is by naming the pain. Naming the pain. What do that mean? It's the first step in healing. It is, if you're going to heal from unresolved trauma, simply you got to put a name to it. Trauma thrives off of silence. Did you get that growth, Jill? Trauma thrives. in silence. It thrives off the silence of you not naming the trauma. It shows up in our relationships with people, relationships, friendships. It shows up in the fact of distrust in our bodies as tension and causing us to feel To feel the tension of unresolved trauma. Can I say this? And I want to help y'all today. And I want to help you as I help myself. That a lot of our pain and sickness that is on us is due to the fact that we have not totally come to grips with what has taken place in our lives. All right. And maybe you have been betrayed by a person that you thought you can trust. And maybe it's based on your upbringing, because you'd be surprised how much of your childhood is now you're seeing on the reverse side, on the backside of your adulthood. Did y'all get that? A lot of time we see our childhood on the backside of our adulthood. That now you see how what happened in your childhood and you're 30, 40, 50, 60, however old you are. Now you're seeing the effects of what took place as a child is now affecting you as an adult. You're seeing it. And it may be your environment as a child. Maybe you were molested. You were raped. I mean, you had a hard upbringing. You wrestled with the fact of you don't know who your father was. You don't know who your mother is. Or you may went through a season of the fact of, can I just be honest with you all as my listeners? With myself, I'm 20 years old. My mother and father lived in a house together all my life. And I never thought in a million years that my father and my mother would be divorced. And so I dealt with that because they were my example of what marriage was supposed to be. Was it a perfect marriage? Heck no. But it was a fact of I saw my mom. endure. I saw my mom go through some painful seasons in marriage. And so I made up my mind on the fact of that because I saw her go through that, that I would never go through that. So what does that mean? If I say I'm not going to go through that, that means the fact of that I always took the easy way out. And even me recording this episode and talking to you all as we on this growth journey together, we're together. I'm no better than you. You're no better than me. We're growing together. We are a community. And there's no judge, judge free zone. Please, please don't judge me because I took the easy way out because I saw how my mother and I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna go through that in a relationship. But I had to realize that when you make a covenant and commitment. And I'm not saying that you should stay in a relationship or be with a person. No abusive relationship. No, I mean, not verbal, physical, emotional abuse. You shouldn't stay in it. And I'm not saying that you should stay in it. But there ought to be some endurance. All right. Or it may be the loss. of a family member, lost of a job, a loss of something in life that you haven't fully processed. Whatever your story is, here's the truth that I want you to understand. You cannot heal what you refuse to name. You got to put a name on it. If it's grief, put a name on it. If it's loss, put a name on it. You got to name it. You can't continue to live in John Doe status when it comes to healing from unresolved trauma. You got to put a name on it so you can acknowledge it, so you can give a name to it. All right? But then also, here goes the second one, y'all. If I'm going to heal from unresolved trauma, I got to name it, I got to name the pain, but then I got to give, you got to give yourself permission to feel that pain. Often unresolved trauma gets pushed to the side and we try to tell ourselves to be strong or just move on. And you all, that's a big pet peeve of mine. But I always felt like I had to be strong. And can I just, I'm very vulnerable in this episode. So if you can't handle vulnerability, I'm sorry. But the reality of my life is that I'm considered the strong one. You rarely see me, if I break down and cry, or if you see me break down and cry, it's because I'm just, I'm just. I'm just at a breaking point. I'm the strong one. My family depends on me, not just my immediate family, my children and my wife, but my brothers and sisters, my mother, my grandmother. And I'm not saying that I can't handle the weight, but I know the weight of the responsibility. And the weight of responsibility, you all, the weight of the responsibility is because the men who were supposed to be present in our lives to be role models are no longer there. Those men who are supposed to be the role model of what manhood is supposed to look like is no longer there. And so I always find myself being strong. I always find myself, you all, telling myself, move on, pull yourself together, get yourself together because you got a responsibility. And sometimes responsibility causes me to live in a, responsibility sometimes causes me not to live in the reality of my real hurt and pain. And so being strong does not suppress, being strong in my strength don't suppress the reality of really what's there. Real strength allows you to feel what you feel. If you hurt, you're hurt. And when you give yourself permission to feel angry, to feel grief or fear, you've been carrying. You got to give yourself, you're creating a space where healing can take place. I'm not telling you to ignore your feelings. And that's one problem. that we have in our society, in our culture today, that we are always told to suppress our feelings and emotions. Grief. I tell people all the time, grief. I just told church yesterday, everybody that say they understand don't understand. People tell you, I know how you feel, that man, that makes me want to cuss so bad. No, you don't know how I feel. You may have an idea, but you don't know how I feel. You really don't know how I feel because, let me tell you this, you don't know how I feel because sometimes I don't even know myself really how to put in words how I feel. So, how you know how I feel? Man, this, y'all, so you got to give yourself space. And you got to give yourself room and permission to feel what you feel. And it's okay to feel that way. And it's okay for you to feel that emotion. Because when you don't feel that emotion, what happens is you start harboring emotion. And then that's when those harder emotions that you hadn't dealt with is attached to a situation or circumstance. And when you see something familiar or something familiar happen in your life, all those emotions that you didn't deal with, you didn't give yourself permission to feel, then all that attacks, all that attach yourself. When something happens. So now you're dealing with the present, but then the past feelings that you didn't deal with. All right. Here go the third one, y'all. And y'all, I wish, I mean, I hope I'm really helping y'all as I'm helping myself. And I wish y'all could see me. My eyes are getting watery. I can't even see my show notes. Real talk. Because this is a vulnerable state. Because I'm helping you just as I help myself. So here go the third one, y'all. If I'm going to heal from unresolved trauma, I got to break the isolation. One of trauma's greatest weapons is isolation, is to isolate you. It has a way of whispering in your ear. No one will understand. Can I tell you? I've been there. I've been there. Let me just be straight 100 because in this growth journey and community, I'm even there right now. I've been there and I'm there right now that I can be on a crowd of people. I can be around my family, I can be around people, but then I still feel isolated emotionally. I feel like I'm by myself. You know, it often takes trusted counselors, it takes people you can trust, close friends, and a supportive community to help us carry what's too heavy to bear alone. And I want to say this. I'm learning how to not to carry the burden by myself. Even two is better than one, y'all. You don't have to. And trauma will isolate you because you don't trust nobody. You don't. And it's like you have to be careful. Can I just be real with y'all? Y'all just be real with me as you're listening to this episode, that you be real with yourself and just tell the truth. Now, don't point the finger, but tell the truth on yourself and say sometimes. It's hard to unload or unpack my burdens and trauma because I don't know who's going to use it against me. I don't know who's going to be judgmental. I don't know who's going to look at me strange now because they know this about me or they know this emotion about me. So now I got to keep this balled up. I got to hide it because I don't want nobody to really know how I feel. That's, that, that, that, that is, that, that's a place that nobody wants to be. And I've been there and I'm even there now because you are not supposed, here you go, because people's standards will say, you're not supposed to feel like that. You know, you supposed to be the strong one. You supposed to be the one, um, you supposed to be the one that hold everything together. You supposed to be the everybody can call on. You're supposed to be the one that everybody can depend on. But what about when the counselor needs a counselor? Think about it. A tow truck needs a tow truck every now and then. And you're trying to carry the burden by yourself and you become overwhelmed and you find yourself becoming just overburdened. And you isolate yourself. And that's when depression comes in. That's when you start talking, you know, doubt start creeping in. You start questioning your existence. You start questioning the fact of why am I still alive? Why am I still here? What is my purpose? So if you're going to heal that unresolved trauma, you can't isolate yourself. You can't be by yourself. You got to build a community of people around you that you can trust, who won't judge you, who will cover you, who won't reveal your pain, but who will conceal it. That regardless of what may happen, I need people in my circle, and you ought to have people in your circle, that even if we disagree or something may happen between us, that you won't get so mad that everything I've told you, you go talking. I need mature people around me. I need people around me that regardless of how mad you get, how mad I make you, guess what? You'll never expose my pain and hurt or throw it up in my face. Here go the fourth one, y'all. The fourth one is you got to choose to heal, not just survive. You have to choose to heal and not just survive. Here's the shift that many of us need. We got to move from survival mode to healing mode. This is what survival mode sounds like. I'll just get by. I'll just get by. Let me keep myself busy so I don't have to face it and deal with it. But healing says I deserve to be whole. I deserve to be whole. I deserve to be a whole person. I deserve to be complete. Complete. I like that. I want to be complete because when I'm complete, think about it. No woman, no man want an incomplete individual. No friend want an incomplete. They want a whole. And let me say this Heal for you, not for nobody else. Do it for you. You heal for you because you want to be a better you. Not for nobody else. Don't do it for nobody else. It ain't about nobody else. To hell with everybody else. It's about you. You do it because you want to be whole. You want to be complete. You want to be sound minded. You want to be you want you want your emotions to not be on a roller coaster. You want to be complete. So do it for you. And what do healing looks like? Healing means if I got to get a therapist, if I got to get a counselor, if I got to go get to sit on somebody couch to talk to. If it involves me praying, fasting, purifying my life, because you know fasting, that's giving up things. If it involves me journaling, get you a journal, write your thoughts out. I'm in school, and can I tell you one of the most intimate days in my life? It's on Mondays because Monday is a day in one of my classes I'm taking now where I have to sit down in front of my computer and type out my reflection. It's a reflection paper of my week. And when I start typing and thinking about my week, because you're really not thinking about it as, you know, because life is life and you're going and doing. But when you got to sit down. And you got to face that thing. And you be like, man. So journaling works. It makes me sit down and type that thing out or write it out. And you start just flowing. It just started flowing. And healing begins with forgiveness. I don't know who you need to forgive. Forgive them. You can't grow if you keep holding grudges. You got to forgive. You got to set boundaries. But it's worth it because you want to be whole. You want to be made whole. You got to be made whole. You can't move forward. You can't grow in life until it's healed. I think about my son. I think about my son when he was born. This episode may be a little long with y'all, but hey, I'm almost through. I think about my son. When he was born, when they pulled him out, they pulled him because the way he was turned, they had to grab him by his arm, and his arm was broken. My son is a newborn baby. He has a A Spanish wrapped on his arm to place it because it's broken. Now my son is 10 years old and playing football, drama, love band. And I always ask him periodically, I said, son, do your arm hurt? And sometimes, to be honest, he forgets. What arm even was broken? When you're made whole, when you are, I'm saying that to say this, when you're made whole and you are truly healed, you forget what even arm was broken. You'd be like, I, that don't, that you can sincerely say that, hey, this do not even bother me no more. This doesn't even affect me no more because you have chosen healing. I choose to be healed, not for nobody else. I choose to be healed. I'm not surviving. I'm thriving in healing. All right, here go the last one, y'all, and I'm closing this episode. You got to hope beyond the hurt. Here's the hope. I want you to leave with you. Your trauma may be a part of your story, but it does not define your destiny. Let me rewind that. Put that in your notes. Put that on the table of your heart. Put that in your mind. That your trauma may be a part of your story, but it does not define your destiny. Healing doesn't erase what happened, but it transforms how it shapes you. Notice, go back to the story of my son. He's healed. His arm don't, it don't, but it don't never, it never, it don't erase what happened to him. His arm was still broken at birth, but it shaped him who he is now that it don't even affect him. Instead, instead of the chains that try to bind you, you got to use wisdom. And have hope beyond your hurt. Instead of bitterness. Instead of the pain. The frustration. You got to have hope. That I'm going to be healed from this. That I'm going to heal from this. I will not allow this to defeat me. I'm going to defeat it. I'm going to defeat it. It will not have me. Yes, it may be from childhood. To relationships. To whatever has transpired in your life. Don't allow it to define who you are. You are not the trauma that has happened to you. You are not what people have said about you. You are not that. Don't allow what people opinions and thoughts about you. Don't allow that to shape, allow that to write your story. Because what they said.

• Speaker #0

  It's not written in pen, it's written in pencil. You have the power, you have the authority to take what they have said, erase it, and write your own story. Y'all, this today's episode, and if this episode has spoke to you, I want to encourage you to take one small step. This is what I need you to do towards healing. That I need you to Find you a counselor, find you a therapist, find you a trusted voice, a friend, somebody you can spend time with that will help you walk through this. Because sometimes we try to do it by ourselves and we can't. Sometimes you got to have some people who can walk with you. And man, I'm glad for the circle of people that I have. I'm grateful for my wife, my best friend, you know, my family, my village, my people who are around me. And you ought to find your community of people around you who will help you walk through these seasons of life. Like I said, we're all in different seasons of life. You can't do it by yourself. You can't. You can't. I mean, but let me say this. They can walk you through it, but they can't do it for you. All right? Remember, healing is not instant, but it is possible. It's not an overnight thing, y'all. It takes time. It takes time. You're going to heal over time, but I want to tell you, if you mess up and you fall back, notice that you're able to... You're able to be restored again. All right? You don't have to do it alone. Find your community of people. All right? Y'all, if this episode has occurred to you, and, man, this has been a very vulnerable and transparent episode, but I need you to share this with all your family and friends and share this with somebody you know who might need to hear this episode. Remember. Don't forget to subscribe so you won't miss any of the other conversations we have and episodes we have coming up. You can email me at growthgymspodcast at gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. And we are excited about your growth journey. Remember, growth is a journey and not a destination. This has been your host, Chris Briggs. And thank you again for joining this episode. Thank you.

• Speaker #1

  Welcome to the Growth Gyms Podcast. I'm so grateful to have you here with us today. I truly hope that you've enjoyed and learned something valuable from today's episode. Our goal is to provide you with the insights and inspiration you need to supercharge your growth journey, whether it's in your personal or professional life. As you know, growth is a never-ending adventure. It's a journey filled with ups and downs, triumphs and challenges. But it's those very challenges that help us grow and become better versions of ourselves. So no matter where you are in your growth journey, keep pushing forward, keep learning and keep growing. If you haven't already, please hit that subscribe button so you never miss out on future episodes. We have some amazing topics lined up that I know you won't want to miss. Also, follow us on social media. Facebook, Chris Briggs. Twitter at cabriggsSR. Instagram at cabrigsSR. Thank you for tuning in today. And I can't wait to see you again on our next episode of the Growth Gems Podcast.