Transcription

• Speaker #0

  You can't be together unless you're together. Okay, that sounds kind of corny and duh, but truly as a couple, you can only accomplish things when you are together. In today's episode, we're going to give you three reasons to let you know you need a shared vision instead of a separate dive vision. You can't go in two different directions. So if you want to know how you and your partner can come on the same page, this episode is for you. Well, welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are so glad you're here. You found your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. Thanks for tuning in, for downloading. We are known as The Turners. My name is Terrell, that's my wife, Jen. And it's going to be a great episode and a wonderful conversation. Listen, if you get anything out of today's episode, something that said you like, I kind of like that. Take three seconds and give a thumbs up. You can also subscribe. Helps the algorithm get pushed out to more people like yourself. Or if you're listening on one of the amazing platforms, I took some time to rate and review.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. We love to hear from you. Let us know what you're liking, what you want us to talk more about. Hear, hear. We love to see your comments. So keep them coming.

• Speaker #0

  That's right. It's hi at oakhavencompany.com or, of course, in a DM on social at oakhavencompany.

• Speaker #1

  That's right.

• Speaker #0

  This is my favorite set because it's fall.

• Speaker #1

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  And so I love the colors.

• Speaker #1

  Yes, and you like to say this is the most wonderful time of the year.

• Speaker #0

  This indeed is the most wonderful time of the year. You can't beat the wonderful season of October. It's my best month ever. It's just finally the temperature changes.

• Speaker #1

  Finally.

• Speaker #0

  Out of the 90s and 80s. And we get to the 60s and 70s.

• Speaker #1

  Get some fun activities. Yes. Football's back.

• Speaker #0

  Football is back. I actually prefer college football now. Okay. It's weird. It's like I don't prefer the pros anymore. I stopped watching basketball.

• Speaker #1

  Okay. And this is like the only time I pay attention to baseball. So baseball's got playoffs going on. That's true. So yeah. Fun stuff in the fall.

• Speaker #0

  It is the most wonderful time of the year.

• Speaker #1

  Love it.

• Speaker #0

  We love to know your wonderful time of the year. Do you love the fall? Do you hate fall? But are you the pumpkin? You're not the pumpkin spice girl, are you?

• Speaker #1

  Pumpkin spice girl? No, I actually do like some of the pumpkin flavors. I have tried like the pumpkin muffin and stuff.

• Speaker #0

  Oh, dear Lord.

• Speaker #1

  Okay. But I'm not like the latte or whatever.

• Speaker #0

  No, you're not a coffee drinker.

• Speaker #1

  You have to get. at the Starbucks.

• Speaker #0

  I kind of wonder if I wish you were a coffee girl.

• Speaker #1

  I don't even like the smell of coffee. Right. I know lots of people aren't going to like to hear that.

• Speaker #0

  There's no pumpkin tea. Is there? I don't think I've seen pumpkin tea.

• Speaker #1

  Okay. You're the tea drinker. So you should know,

• Speaker #0

  but I should know today. What are we getting into today?

• Speaker #1

  We are going to talk through three signs that your marriage needs a shared vision.

• Speaker #0

  Why was shared vision?

• Speaker #1

  Why a shared vision? And do we even know what a shared vision is?

• Speaker #0

  I'm asking you why a shared vision.

• Speaker #1

  Right. So we are going to talk through why it's so important to have a shared vision, which means that you and your partner, your spouse and your marriage are aligned on what you are both ready and excited for and what you see for where you're going, where you're headed, what's coming up, what's in your present and what's in your future.

• Speaker #0

  So I've given this scripture before, obviously in Amos 3 and 3. And by the way, if it's your first time tuning in, we thank you. The conversation that we have and everything that we talk about, we come from a biblical perspective and a biblical worldview that is rooted and grounded in faith. We believe that the pathway to a successful marriage is through the word of God. And there's a lot of noise out there and it can be hard to like really kind of figure out, well, what's really working and what's truth. Right. We always take it back to what is written in those six books and we pull from that. So Amos three and three says that two cannot walk together or actually it says, how can two walk together unless they are in agreement? So it's important that as a married couple. Right. Where the Bible says that the two will become one flesh, that you have a shared vision in the house because a. A by vision or a to vision is a division. So it's division of the house. So when there's one person's got one agenda and the other person's got another agenda.

• Speaker #1

  And then the house will fall, right? And you cannot walk together without that shared vision.

• Speaker #0

  Correct. But it goes further than saying, Joshua, how one can chase a thousand, but two can put ten thousand to flight. And we like to. We like to gather that around agreement, that one person by himself has got some power. But when you bring two and you're in agreement, how much powerful you are as a combined unit, as a couple, that God's brought together to now accomplish and do something that glorifies his kingdom.

• Speaker #1

  Right. And I think it's just even if you think about that verse and what it's saying, going from one can chase a thousand to two to chase 10,000, that's... way more than even double, right? So combined, your force is going to be 10 times as stronger than just by yourself, just alone. So that's so powerful to even think about.

• Speaker #0

  So we're going to have you, we asked the question, what are the ways that we know that we need a shared vision? So the first way is we're going in different directions. That's obviously probably the greatest tell that you need a shared vision. We need to come together and have vision is that Again, as I just mentioned, somebody is doing their own thing over here and he's doing his thing over there and we're going in complete opposite and different directions. Maybe, you know, you're saving. You want to save for a vacation. Yep. And I'm, you know, buying PlayStation games. Right. We're going in different directions. Right.

• Speaker #1

  So individually, those might be great ideas. Right. But if you don't have shared ideas, you're never going to align and have a clear vision that you all can do together as a couple. And so that's really important that if you are feeling, okay, we are really headed in different directions or we're just kind of living parallel lives. So you're going in different directions, even if those directions you feel are really great. Like I'm climbing the corporate ladder and you're over here doing something else and we're not supporting each other. That's a telltale sign that your marriage needs a shared vision.

• Speaker #0

  The root cause of that really is a lack of communication. The root cause of that also is a lack of prayer. where there is no vision, which is that the people perish. And so not speaking death over you, but you're going to experience a slowdown, a sluggishness, a lack of progress and a lack of fruit when there is no vision. That word vision is translated in the original Hebrew as the revelation of God, his prophetic word. And so God has given you. a word over your family. And we have to know what is that word? What is God saying over my family as the husband of my household? You know, what is the spiritual direction for my house, for my children? And so it's important that we set that tone and we really pray and we can then are able to plan and then we're able to pursue the things that God has given us. So I would encourage you, those who are listening to take time. And to have some conversations of, you know, where are we going? Sometimes as gentlemen, we can kind of, you know, not all of us, but we can kind of, I know for me sometimes not want to talk about those details or we may feel pressured. So really as wives, you know, how would you approach those conversations when you're needing that direction or longing for, you know, well, what's our three-year plan? Maybe we don't have to have a five-year roadmap, but what would. some things that you would approach or say or give to the women as far as how can we bridge that gap and come on one page?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. So the vision. Yeah. I like to start just asking questions and not that I'm like grilling you, right. Or like sitting you down and interviewing you, but Hey, what do you think about this decision? Or where do you see us, you know, next year's vacation or something, just kind of start those questions that open up like a. an open conversation that's not just like a yes or no. And then you can build on that. You can also suggest like, hey, do you have some time we can sit down and kind of like have a deeper conversation when, you know, the game's not on and we're not both busy and see if you can come in an agreement to like, yes, let's sit down and just chat with each other. It doesn't have to be a big formal meeting. Right. But at least start the conversations and you can start building those so that you are setting those. shared visions together. And then we also have frameworks that will really help you go deeper, which we'll touch on a little bit later, but that's just to kind of start the conversations with you.

• Speaker #0

  I want you to remember three P's. Say it with me. You want to provide a pathway to progress.

• Speaker #1

  Okay. We've got three more.

• Speaker #0

  Three P's. Provide a pathway to progress. So again, just facilitating the conversation of, hey, what do you think about this? What's your feedback on this. Do you like this? It's a great way to show and honor respect to your husband or your wife for that matter and bring them into this framework of planning. So one little tip for that. The second tell that you need to have a shared vision or we're kind of needing to come together and align is the calendar is feeling chaotic. I know we go through this a lot.

• Speaker #1

  We do. So you might be super busy and it might be with all great things, but. When is the last time that you really felt truly present with your spouse and you're really prioritizing your relationship and your marriage over all the other great things in life, right? We fill up our schedules and sometimes we just, we need to have that filter in order to say, okay, we need to set aside time to really connect and make sure our calendar is representing what we find to be most important in our relationship, in our life.

• Speaker #0

  The calendar is going to reflect your vision. And so if you don't have a vision, if you don't know direction of what we're doing in this season, then you'll find your calendar will be filled up with things that probably don't align with this season of your life. You know, we may allow our kids to fill our calendar for us instead of like, okay, here's where we're going right now. And so we're going to say no to this. We're going to say no to this. We're going to say yes to this. And so our Counts have gotten chaotic and overloaded, Willie. Because we don't really have dialed down that vision and where we're going and what we're doing for the next three months, the next six months or the next year. And so that's a victim or we're victims of our own kind of.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. That's right. And so that's a clear sign. Is your schedule, is your calendar kind of telling you what to do, kind of running your life versus we are really thinking about what we're committing to. what we're allowing like our work schedule to be like, our family schedule to be like, what we're volunteering for, making sure that what you as a couple deem to be important is reflected in your calendar.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. Think about like those of us who do work those corporate jobs, you know, and you may have those three-year outlooks. You may have the multiple year outlooks and they're planning, you know, revenue for the next three years and step by step how they're going to hit those targets. You know, I'm not saying make your house a corporation, but in a way, we should be having some of those conversations. How are we going to hit this target of saving, you know, for a down payment for the house? These lofty things that we want to accomplish, how do we get those instead of just talking about our dreams, actually putting those to action? And so that's something that's really, really important that we don't often think about when it comes to our own homes. A clear vision will help you simplify and also prioritize. And so the example I had was, you know, in this season, we have been working diligently behind the scenes on some things that have been on your heart. And but at the same time, even though we're busy and we have meetings and we've got deadlines and we've got so much going on, our core value is our relationship. Our core value is our children. And so even in the midst of all that. We still find time. Absolutely. Right. Or we don't find time. We make the time to have family fun night, whether that's we had s'mores last weekend and just had some marshmallows, graham crackers. And what else?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, that was a simple one.

• Speaker #0

  Chocolate.

• Speaker #1

  Can't forget the chocolate.

• Speaker #0

  But just a 30 minute time with the children outside around a campfire, because for us, It's a priority. Right. And we have a shared vision that says we put our. kids and our relationship above everything else.

• Speaker #1

  Right. And there's sometimes we'll check in with each other and say, do you have anything to do tonight? And we're always like, well, we always have stuff we can do. There's always stuff you can work on. There's always things on your to-do list. But like you said, prioritizing family time, prioritizing quality time together outside of the house. You really have to make those decisions and decide like, what are you living your life for? Like, what is your purpose? And make sure your schedule is in alignment together.

• Speaker #0

  Number three, you feel spiritually disconnected. Do we even recognize this tale or this sign that there is a spiritual disconnection? How do we know that we're spiritually disconnected? Well, it goes back to number one. We don't have a shared vision. And so I spoke to that just a little bit briefly of, you know, husbands, if you're listening, wives, if you're listening, you know, really taking time to take ownership of. What is God saying for my house? What is God saying for my children? Should they be in this particular activity? They don't need to be there. Should they be having it around these friends? Do they need that play date? You know, just those things that we need to incorporate God in, we can find that probably I can save a lot of my time because I've overextended myself. We're trying to please so many people, our obligations to family and our parents. And, you know, and grandparents and all the things, you know, having that spiritual disconnection because we haven't taken time to come together, pray, you know, what's God saying on your heart? What are some things I can support you in? That's that spiritual disconnection.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And I was going to say, it's really important to make sure you're in alignment and connected spiritually because you may be doing your spiritual thing separate and your husband may be doing his spiritual thing separate. So when I say that, I mean like Bible reading, prayer, all those spiritual disciplines separately, which is great. Right. But also knowing like, what does your husband or wife need prayer for? Do you even know like what they would ask for or what they need? Or have you ever... you know, talked through things that you are learning about as you're reading God's word, or what is God saying to you through those disciplines as well is really important. I mean, some of our favorite conversations, you know, we're talking about the Bible and eternity and like, it's very spiritually focused. And without those, you're going to feel disconnected and separate, which is the opposite of what you need to be in a marriage.

• Speaker #0

  So I challenge you, when you have those conversations about bills or about sports or about the work gossip or the family gossip, also have conversations around scripture or questions or the Sunday sermon or different things. And if we haven't had those, it's a good time to reset and start having those. What about if my spouse isn't involved spiritually? You know, we want to encourage you to continue to uplift them in prayer and be that light. And be that witness to them and ask God for those moments and key moments to express and declare his love to them because you are the hands and you are the arms and you are the eyes of Jesus to them. And, you know, we have that promise that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by his wife. And so continue to be encouraged in that. So hope those gave you some good pointers and some tips as how you can have a shared vision to come together as a couple. as a family to really accomplish those things on your heart. And if you're looking for, well, how do I actually do this? This sounds great, Jen and Terrell. Well, don't feel left out because we've got you covered. If you're ready to stop drifting and start moving together as a team, the Home to Haven or the Oak Haven Relationship Vision Planner is designed exactly for couples like you. This is going to help you clarify, help you have your shared purpose. and take intentional steps together so your marriage doesn't survive, it actually thrives. What is this planner that we have been talking about or you've been working on?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. So the Relationship Vision Planner, right? Yeah. Okay. The Relationship Vision Planner. We have created this tool because we were searching for something to really help us with our marriage and we didn't find it out there, right? So we- We did not. We did not. So we have a framework. I know you-

• Speaker #0

  Pray it. Plan it. Pursue it. That's the framework God gave me too. If you want to reduce it down to how do I have a successful marriage? What's the secret? What's the key? I'll be 85 or 90 years old. What was the secret to y'all staying together? We prayed it, we planned it, and we pursued it. Amen.

• Speaker #1

  I like that vision.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. That's the key.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. So we have created this planner that is amazing. It helps you walk through foundational steps to set your shared vision. So that's the beginning of it. A lot that we have talked about today. If you're feeling those things, this is the perfect thing for you to get started. And then it also has a different topic each month. So it walks you through a whole year of topics that you can discuss with each other. There's date night ideas, exercises to work through together to really get you on the same page in a variety of different topics, communication, finances, rest. there's 12 different topics.

• Speaker #0

  Exactly.

• Speaker #1

  And so this is an actual physical tool that you guys can use and stay accountable to each other and build up your marriage.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. It's not just a calendar, right? It's not something you can like walk into Target and find. It's going to actually help you strengthen your communication. It will help you align your goals and then create lasting, I don't want to say rituals, but lasting rhythms or whatever people are saying these days. But it is a luxurious product that is going to be absolutely amazing. It is amazing. And so if you want to get this, join the waitlist because it's coming very, very soon in a few short weeks. And so what is the waitlist? All it means is oakhavencompany.com slash waitlist. We will notify you when it comes out. We will notify you of when the pictures come, every single milestone. Yep. over the course of these next seven to eight weeks, you will get those updates. It will not be every day. You will not be spammed because I hate spam. We email until it is of value. So if you're looking for a tool, I guarantee you this is going to solve so many, I want to say issues, but so many pain points. This solves it. And so maybe you've been thinking about, maybe you haven't been talking about counseling or I don't know, we're just missing something. This is it. Start here with this relationship vision planner, because you mentioned it lays out the framework. It facilitates these conversations that we've been talking about and helps you hold those and hold yourself accountable. So OK, even company dot com slash waitlist. Join the waitlist today. Cost you nothing. Maybe 20 seconds of your time.

• Speaker #1

  OK.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. And that's it. So thanks so much for listening. If you got anything again out of the episode, respond and put a comment below. let us know. And of course, hit the thumbs up button. Thanks so much for listening. We will see you next week. And remember the promise that wisdom builds the house.