129 | What Proverbs 31 REALLY Says about Being a Godly Wife

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Some women hear godly wife and feel inspired. Others hear it and feel crushed under the weight of an impossible standard. But what if both reactions are based on a version of Proverbs 31 that culture created and not scripture? Today we're going to unpack what this passage actually says and the woman it describes is not what people think she is. I'm Terrell, that's Jen, and... This is the Home to Haven podcast, your home for faithful content to help you communicate in your relationship. Let's get into it right now. Well, welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are so delighted you are here. It's another episode. It's what, 128, 129, 129. We're moving right along. We are. So here we go. 129. You can search Home to Haven at any podcast platform on YouTube. We'll pop right up, pull up episodes in the future or in the past. And, you know, check us out.
Speaker #1
Check us out.
Speaker #0
Let us know what's your favorite. Let us know what topics you may want us to speak on. Yeah. This is a podcast that helps you communicate in your relationship, whether you're married or dating. in. We pull everything from a biblical foundation to help you really understand what it means to be a Christian marriage.
Speaker #1
That's right. So if there's a topic that you are working through that you want to hear some more about, what does the Bible say about that? Or what does the Lord have for our marriage? Let us know. We love to hear from you and we love to take listeners' input and make some episodes. We started last week in talking about Godly. husbands. And we're going to move on to the wives this week and put some focus on the girls today. So we are going to dive in to Proverbs 31 a bit.
Speaker #0
Proverbs 31. Why Proverbs 31?
Speaker #1
So Proverbs 31, I would say many people have heard as what makes a good wife or shows characteristics of a wife. It lays out a lot of different things.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was always told, you want the Proverbs 31 woman right I think not the Proverbs 6. I think that's what it is, the woman where she's like, no, she's like, well, that one too. But the one who's like putting a trap for you and she's putting her perfume on and she like lads in wait to be like, ooh.
Speaker #1
To get you.
Speaker #0
Yeah. You don't want that girl. Okay. So, yeah, Proverbs 31 is a book that was written by King Solomon, who was widely regarded as the wisest man who's ever lived. And he gives us this framework in the back part of Proverbs 31 about like a virtuous woman. And there's one thing I wanted to point out because it says, I think it's verse 10. It starts out with who can find a virtuous woman. And it says, you know, this virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies. Yes. Well, the thing is like who can find her? So who's the one who can identify who a virtuous woman is? Okay. So it takes a special man. Like, what would we be looking for?
Speaker #1
Who can pick out the good ones. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker #0
Right. So that's part one. Right. And the part two is she's rare. Like, you don't find them a whole lot. Correct. So, you know, yeah.
Speaker #1
Hard to find. Hard to find. Once you find it, I know a couple of verses farther down says that she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. So who doesn't want that?
Speaker #0
Right. And that's what we say. Like, if you've heard pockets in the past, like, you know, marriage is a great thing. This whole thing that culture says is marriage is. awful and it's the worst thing you're going to do. And it's so hard. And oh, my gosh. And not saying it's a piece of cake, but we believe because what we see in the word is that, you know, you get favor and, you know, she's a crown and she does you good all of her days. And oh, my gosh, that sounds awesome. It's the way God designed for it to be. And yes, sin, this broken world has made it jacked up.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But when we align ourselves to the word of God, then we can really see and understand, oh, this is the. beauty of what God has designed for us to have. I love it.
Speaker #1
I love it. And I know it also says in verse 11, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
So that's a good one.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So let's pause right there and say law that's in Psalms. Let's pause and think about that. Right. That what is it? Her husband does what?
Speaker #1
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing or all her husband has full confidence. and her end lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
Right. So, you know, one of the things that we look at, we kind of gave an example of how to pray this. But when we look at that, it's like, okay, am I, does my husband believe in me? Does he have confidence in me? Am I forcing that on him? Right. And trying to make him do, you see what we do on this and we're going to do this. Or, you know. Is there a space of mutual respect and honor that says he trusts me to do these things because of the way I carry myself?
Speaker #1
100%. I have a side-by-side Bible right here.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
So the other version says her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it.
Speaker #0
There you go.
Speaker #1
Right there. Starts it all off. So Proverbs 31 really lays out a lot of different characteristics for a wife of noble character.
Speaker #0
Yep.
Speaker #1
But we want to also bring it back to the root of where she's getting that good character. Because it's not just like, oh, I'm awesome. I'm the best. Come find me. You know, all that and everything.
Speaker #0
Which is what we get a lot of today. And culture is like, it's all about me and my looks and how I present myself and my Botox and just everything that I got going on in my life.
Speaker #1
I'm amazing. Yeah,
Speaker #0
you need this.
Speaker #1
I have standards, you know, for any man that can talk to me, you've got to make six figures, all that nonsense. Right. So this is not about being amazing in your, you know, attributes because you're awesome as yourself. So we want to bring that back. This is how we started off our talk about the husbands and we can start talking about it first and foremost for the wife as well. which is that a godly wife is rooted in God first.
Speaker #0
Yeah, your identity is found in Jesus. So the same way the husband is loving you like Jesus, well, you get your identity from Jesus. So it both matches. It's going to a lot of it come together. So you know that your beauty and your confidence and your strength is not found in the world, is not found in the guy. It's found in your savior. And that's where you draw your strength and your character and your beauty and your... your goodness from.
Speaker #1
Yes. Proverbs 31 30 says charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. So that's where it has to start. Like you said, first and foremost with the Lord, and it's not a person being praised first for how they look or how their productivity or how great they are. you know, running their company, right?
Speaker #0
How she can cook, you know, her hands or man, those legs or all the things that we talk about when we see couples get together, especially on the different shows is all about physical and no one has conversation. And then we're not talking about conversation today, but it's like, yeah, we didn't really talk about that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. We haven't ever,
Speaker #0
we didn't talk about kids yet. How, how, how are you six years in and you'll have not had this conversation yet. Right. It was... Everything has been based on physical. We connect. We connected. We have chemistry. Yeah. It was a spark.
Speaker #1
Yeah. He's probably my soulmate. Okay. That type of thing. But are you being praised for fearing the Lord?
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's a good one. Sorry, I keep jumping in. But like one of the things that was very, very early on when I was a teenager being raised and, you know, don't compliment a woman based on her. Physical appearance. And hopefully, most times girls aren't really into that, but hopefully you're not. What's he saying? Is he complimenting your intelligence? And is he complimenting like the fruit of the spirit? Like, man, she is gracious.
Speaker #1
Your character.
Speaker #0
And she is long-suffering. Patient, right. And she's very, very patient.
Speaker #1
She's joyful.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's the spirit kind of stuff, right? That's the stuff I'm looking for versus, you know, pretty green eyes and, you know. It's great in that dress. You know? That's important. And so that's what should stand out more than anything else. And those are the things you want to focus on versus my abs or I got to get back in, lose my baby weight. Okay, I understand that. It's wonderful. But more than that, it's, you know, my character is lined up with the fruit of the spirit. And so more importantly than, you know, you losing that 20 pounds again, it is, I'm focused more so on being a woman who... has value and being a woman who is patient and, um,
Speaker #1
loving,
Speaker #0
careful with my words and not piercing and putting down.
Speaker #1
Right. And so wife's the only way you're going to be able to have that or gain that is obviously time with the Lord, time in the word prayer, developing that spiritual maturity, growing in your faith and really letting the Lord shape. the things you say, the attitude that you have, the way you create and build up your home, which is also part of Proverbs 31. Getting a little ahead of myself. Well,
Speaker #0
there was a group in the 90s called DC Talk. I don't know how anybody feels about them, but they had a song and it was that girl. And the line says, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. A woman who fears the Lord, she ain't playing. Hear what I'm saying? Cause I'm saying it clearly. She's the kind of girl I got to have near me.
Speaker #1
Okay. You remember that.
Speaker #0
I remember that. So you talk about this. We always end our episodes with the scriptures, Proverbs 9, 1, that wisdom builds the house. But we have in here Proverbs 14, 1, which says what?
Speaker #1
That the wise woman builds her house.
Speaker #0
That's crazy. Not crazy. That wisdom builds the house. And then now we're seeing that this wise woman also builds the house. And so we're seeing, again, kind of roles shape up. And this happens here like, oh, well, I'm not a traditional woman and I don't want a traditional marriage. But we're seeing scripture tells us that a woman who is wise builds or shapes and lays the foundation for a strong, happy home.
Speaker #1
Yes, absolutely. Throughout chapter 31 as well, it talks about really being intentional. So she's very intentional about what she's creating, how she works for her family, how she builds her home. giving her home. We kind of named these already, but so it's peaceful, it's loving, it's joyful. The wife really has a huge role in really maintaining that and creating that as well.
Speaker #0
So we weren't talking about when we have our role, we're talking about, you know, doing the dishes and laundry and cutting the grass. We're talking about peace and joy and a loving atmosphere. That's what we're talking about. And you're saying that this was the same And that's...
Speaker #1
with women the wife of a noble character yes with noble character so yes it's a big part of proverbs 30 how is that something that is cultivated what are some things that you do to help create a home that has a peaceful loving atmosphere and environment because i would say you do um
Speaker #0
where it's a good thing to be home and you want to be home and home is awesome and it feels like home how do you do that it's a lot about the words you say
Speaker #1
the way you present yourself, both if you have children with your children and your husband, we talked about the husband leading the home and so letting him have that role, but whether or not he's doing everything he should be doing as a wife, you can really support the home atmosphere by the words you're putting out, the way the home looks, the way, um, people are invited in, the way that you run your household, what you do day to day. how you teach and bring up your children, how you speak encouragement. There's a lot of things that you do, even in those little moments, not huge grand gestures, but those things that you're doing day to day over and over is affecting so much that sometimes you don't really realize it.
Speaker #0
I want to speak to this is that this happened on Saturday. It was, it's me. It wasn't the wife, But... I want to share this with women as well as men because it's something that I think we can glean from because we do have an effect on our house, our atmosphere, as you're saying, and our children. So I went and I went to take Adley and helping you out. And we have a busy week. So I took the kids with their haircuts. So Adley was first. And I went into the salon and I gave clear instructions to the stylist of like, hey, we're going to cut her hair or trim her hair, not cut, trim. her hair to her shoulder blade. I walked to the chair, tapped Allie's shoulder blade, and said, we're going to trim her shoulder blade. Her mother said, do not cut anything shorter than her layers than her shoulder. If you use heat, use a diffuser. Those are my words. And then, five minutes later, half of Allie's hair was gone. And I was so upset. I had tears coming out of my eyes. That's how upset I was. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, how am I going to handle this? Because I'm like ready to go off. I am, you know, and one of those times can kind of really see my face because if I could turn red, I probably was red. Okay. And.
Speaker #1
So you're reacting. Right.
Speaker #0
And I'm in real time. I'm like, okay, I don't want to make it a big deal. I don't want to react in a way that Adley sees that and thinks that. that's the way you respond to chaos or that's how you respond when something doesn't go your way or that's how you respond when you're angry how am i going to respond yeah and so at least finish she came over and she i do a little little glassy and i said how are you okay and she said yes i'm okay i gave her a hug and i said okay if you're okay then daddy's okay and i said are you sure And she said yes And so I walked to the lady And she's like, I'm sorry. You know, I thought you said shoulder. And I'm like, we're not going to have a discussion about it. Allie, come get your lollipop. But so I did not make it a big deal. It could have went. A completely different way. So I encourage you, mothers and even fathers, like make sure that we were training our children up, that we are being examples of who Jesus is and that we don't respond out of our emotions. And then that causes them to pick up those habits as well and do the same thing.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and we were encouraging to her going on a little bit more of that example. Very encouraging to her, but we're also gonna, you know. not tell lies. Right. So it's a little shorter than what we were expecting. And when, when you brought her home, I'm like, mommy's going to go fix all the frizziness.
Speaker #0
And mommy, when I tell you, it's a virtuous woman. Her hands are blessed. And it's having creative ideas. That's the part of the virtuous woman and who mothers are. Jen went into the bathroom and Ellie came out looking completely different. It was, I'm not exaggerating. That child came home and I was like, I was very upset. And then Jen took her upstairs and Allie came downstairs and it was like, oh my God, you're so beautiful. So kudos to you because it was amazing.
Speaker #1
Yes. But working together as a team, speaking life, speaking encouragement, ultimately it is just hair. But in this example, but really working through that together and she was happy with it. She was good. So that's a great example. of how we did that in real time this past weekend. The next one I really want to get to before we have to sign off is that the Proverbs 31 woman or godly wife is strong. Yeah. Okay, so not weak. A lot of times we might hear or get a culture spin on it that if we... work from the home or work just in the home or whatever situation it is, we don't live up to certain standards and we're not as strong as somebody else. It's always comparison, right? But Proverbs 31 shows strength and not weakness. In Proverbs 31, 25, it says she is clothed with strength and dignity. So wives, we have emotional strength. We have resilience. We're steady. We already talked about showing that great character. Even if you're quiet, that doesn't mean you're weak. You can run an amazing household and have an amazing relationship walking out these characters that you see in Proverbs 31. And that's not being run over or weak or not having a mind of your own.
Speaker #0
Not by any means. And the next verse, it talks about how she speaks with wisdom. Yes. So I want to kind of throw this out there about. Watch your communication. Watch your tone. Yes. Your level of respect, because that plays a major role in setting that atmosphere and how that love is reciprocated to you from your spouse. So the same way my tone with you has to watch that and make sure that I'm communicating with care. You also need to respond and care. And so you gave the example if I'm you know, I have a I have a habit. of leaving things in the house or um i think we've shared episodes before of like i'll leave things in the sink and it's one of your pet peeves but you never go oh my god to rail then i tell you it's never been like i'm a child you have never talked to me or scolded me or given me some lecture about it ever and um you know i don't do it on purpose and so but It's something that makes the atmosphere peaceful. And at the end of the day, it is a cup. It is not worth. We make, we make. But you don't say like, you don't love me.
Speaker #1
Or I feel so disrespected. Or you can't follow simple directions or things like that.
Speaker #0
And that would just make me feel so belittled. And if you said those things to me, I would get, I would feel anger. And it would just turn me off from you. It would make you so unattractive to me. and I would I would fold up like a, like a rose and I would run away.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
If that would be the reaction that I would get.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
And I think that's typical for most men. So women really watch that and be careful with that because that can really be a divisive area that pulls you or pushes you rather further and further apart.
Speaker #1
Right. So wisdom and kindness, which is what it's speaking on is going to actually build. Connections and build that bond with your husband way deeper than if you're speaking with. a tone or just your body language or something that is going to bring that down. So I love Proverbs 31, 26. Like you mentioned, she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. That's a huge part of a role for a godly wife is the words that you allow to come out of your mouth and really letting the Holy Spirit guide you and what you do say and that you put out there to your husband. And then also... You have faithful instruction. I love that. I guess because I'm a teacher, but I like, you know, teaching and instructing and really helping the kids learn new things and grow and develop. So that's, that's one thing too, that I love and just really making sure you're watching your words because it's going to shape your marriage and your family so deeply.
Speaker #0
Yep. The one takeaway I would say for you, if you're listening or you are listening and watching is that healthy marriages are not by accident, but they are. built with intention on both sides with the man and the woman. They are built with intentionality. So that's something that we want you to remember. So if there's something you're looking for, we want to support you in your journey of having a healthy, supporting marriage. And it is called the Five Powerful Prayers. These are a freebie guide that we've given and created for you a PDF that you can access at oakhavencompany.com slash five. prayers or of course in the show notes and we talked about how you can pray the promise and not the problem so instead of saying oh my gosh my wife nags me and she is just you know i hate going home yeah and she's on my case all the time i went blah blah blah that's the problem instead of the promise i can pray promise 31 and where is it verse 10 uh and so father i think i have a wife who is of noble character yeah i think that she is priceless god and i think that i have i have full confidence in her and that I lack nothing. And so I praise you that every single day, it's something good. She brings me good every day, Father, and not harm every day of our life. So we will live long together in Jesus name, right? That's praying the promise instead of my emotions and my frustration. I'm praying the word of God and speaking that over her life, over my family. And so we help you with this. It's five. powerful prayers where we give you the verse, we give you the prayer, and you're able to speak that. And then there's spaces for you to kind of make your own prayer and make it your own, as well as a little thought for the day. So get that today. It'll really help you set this tone, lay the foundation for bringing prayer into your relationship. We believe the first step to a successful home is to first pray it.
Speaker #1
Pray it. And it sounds so easy or so simple, and you might just brush it off.
Speaker #0
I don't need that, whatever. But it's,
Speaker #1
I want to encourage you. Are you actually praying for your marriage, for your husband, for these things in your life? Are you bringing that to the Lord every day?
Speaker #0
Every day.
Speaker #1
Because you might say it's easy and simple, but are you actually doing it is the question. And so our prayer guide does start you off with five powerful prayers. You can start praying today. I guarantee if you... pray those things, things will change in your marriage, in your home, because the Lord is for you and he is working everything for your good.
Speaker #0
That's right. He is for you. He is for marriage. He is for your marriage. He is for your family, for your home. And when you pray his word, we believe that's where you'll find ultimate success.
Speaker #1
And it might not be instantaneous, right? I prayed that prayer yesterday. Nothing changed, right? It might be a little time where he might be shaping your heart to learn some things. it will make a difference 100%. So grab that free guide. You can start there and start making those amazing changes in your marriage.
Speaker #0
Love it. Oakhavencompany.com slash firepresence. But of course, all the links you need are right below in the show notes and in the description. Remember, you can find us anywhere by searching Home to Haven for any past, present, or future episodes. If you've got anything of value, it's like, man, that really encouraged me or lifted me up or gave me something I like and a thumbs up. go a long way to help us reach more people just like you. Thanks for listening, for tuning in. We'll see you next week. And remember, wisdom and the wife builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

As a Christian couple, we know firsthand the challenges and blessings of marriage. Whether you're seeking Christian marriage advice, considering Christian coaching, or simply looking for biblical wisdom to strengthen communication in your relationship, this podcast is for you.

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

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About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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Is the Proverbs 31 woman inspiring you or exhausting you?

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Some women hear godly wife and feel inspired. Others hear it and feel crushed under the weight of an impossible standard. But what if both reactions are based on a version of Proverbs 31 that culture created and not scripture? Today we're going to unpack what this passage actually says and the woman it describes is not what people think she is. I'm Terrell, that's Jen, and... This is the Home to Haven podcast, your home for faithful content to help you communicate in your relationship. Let's get into it right now. Well, welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are so delighted you are here. It's another episode. It's what, 128, 129, 129. We're moving right along. We are. So here we go. 129. You can search Home to Haven at any podcast platform on YouTube. We'll pop right up, pull up episodes in the future or in the past. And, you know, check us out.
Speaker #1
Check us out.
Speaker #0
Let us know what's your favorite. Let us know what topics you may want us to speak on. Yeah. This is a podcast that helps you communicate in your relationship, whether you're married or dating. in. We pull everything from a biblical foundation to help you really understand what it means to be a Christian marriage.
Speaker #1
That's right. So if there's a topic that you are working through that you want to hear some more about, what does the Bible say about that? Or what does the Lord have for our marriage? Let us know. We love to hear from you and we love to take listeners' input and make some episodes. We started last week in talking about Godly. husbands. And we're going to move on to the wives this week and put some focus on the girls today. So we are going to dive in to Proverbs 31 a bit.
Speaker #0
Proverbs 31. Why Proverbs 31?
Speaker #1
So Proverbs 31, I would say many people have heard as what makes a good wife or shows characteristics of a wife. It lays out a lot of different things.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was always told, you want the Proverbs 31 woman right I think not the Proverbs 6. I think that's what it is, the woman where she's like, no, she's like, well, that one too. But the one who's like putting a trap for you and she's putting her perfume on and she like lads in wait to be like, ooh.
Speaker #1
To get you.
Speaker #0
Yeah. You don't want that girl. Okay. So, yeah, Proverbs 31 is a book that was written by King Solomon, who was widely regarded as the wisest man who's ever lived. And he gives us this framework in the back part of Proverbs 31 about like a virtuous woman. And there's one thing I wanted to point out because it says, I think it's verse 10. It starts out with who can find a virtuous woman. And it says, you know, this virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies. Yes. Well, the thing is like who can find her? So who's the one who can identify who a virtuous woman is? Okay. So it takes a special man. Like, what would we be looking for?
Speaker #1
Who can pick out the good ones. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker #0
Right. So that's part one. Right. And the part two is she's rare. Like, you don't find them a whole lot. Correct. So, you know, yeah.
Speaker #1
Hard to find. Hard to find. Once you find it, I know a couple of verses farther down says that she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. So who doesn't want that?
Speaker #0
Right. And that's what we say. Like, if you've heard pockets in the past, like, you know, marriage is a great thing. This whole thing that culture says is marriage is. awful and it's the worst thing you're going to do. And it's so hard. And oh, my gosh. And not saying it's a piece of cake, but we believe because what we see in the word is that, you know, you get favor and, you know, she's a crown and she does you good all of her days. And oh, my gosh, that sounds awesome. It's the way God designed for it to be. And yes, sin, this broken world has made it jacked up.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But when we align ourselves to the word of God, then we can really see and understand, oh, this is the. beauty of what God has designed for us to have. I love it.
Speaker #1
I love it. And I know it also says in verse 11, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
So that's a good one.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So let's pause right there and say law that's in Psalms. Let's pause and think about that. Right. That what is it? Her husband does what?
Speaker #1
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing or all her husband has full confidence. and her end lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
Right. So, you know, one of the things that we look at, we kind of gave an example of how to pray this. But when we look at that, it's like, okay, am I, does my husband believe in me? Does he have confidence in me? Am I forcing that on him? Right. And trying to make him do, you see what we do on this and we're going to do this. Or, you know. Is there a space of mutual respect and honor that says he trusts me to do these things because of the way I carry myself?
Speaker #1
100%. I have a side-by-side Bible right here.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
So the other version says her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it.
Speaker #0
There you go.
Speaker #1
Right there. Starts it all off. So Proverbs 31 really lays out a lot of different characteristics for a wife of noble character.
Speaker #0
Yep.
Speaker #1
But we want to also bring it back to the root of where she's getting that good character. Because it's not just like, oh, I'm awesome. I'm the best. Come find me. You know, all that and everything.
Speaker #0
Which is what we get a lot of today. And culture is like, it's all about me and my looks and how I present myself and my Botox and just everything that I got going on in my life.
Speaker #1
I'm amazing. Yeah,
Speaker #0
you need this.
Speaker #1
I have standards, you know, for any man that can talk to me, you've got to make six figures, all that nonsense. Right. So this is not about being amazing in your, you know, attributes because you're awesome as yourself. So we want to bring that back. This is how we started off our talk about the husbands and we can start talking about it first and foremost for the wife as well. which is that a godly wife is rooted in God first.
Speaker #0
Yeah, your identity is found in Jesus. So the same way the husband is loving you like Jesus, well, you get your identity from Jesus. So it both matches. It's going to a lot of it come together. So you know that your beauty and your confidence and your strength is not found in the world, is not found in the guy. It's found in your savior. And that's where you draw your strength and your character and your beauty and your... your goodness from.
Speaker #1
Yes. Proverbs 31 30 says charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. So that's where it has to start. Like you said, first and foremost with the Lord, and it's not a person being praised first for how they look or how their productivity or how great they are. you know, running their company, right?
Speaker #0
How she can cook, you know, her hands or man, those legs or all the things that we talk about when we see couples get together, especially on the different shows is all about physical and no one has conversation. And then we're not talking about conversation today, but it's like, yeah, we didn't really talk about that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. We haven't ever,
Speaker #0
we didn't talk about kids yet. How, how, how are you six years in and you'll have not had this conversation yet. Right. It was... Everything has been based on physical. We connect. We connected. We have chemistry. Yeah. It was a spark.
Speaker #1
Yeah. He's probably my soulmate. Okay. That type of thing. But are you being praised for fearing the Lord?
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's a good one. Sorry, I keep jumping in. But like one of the things that was very, very early on when I was a teenager being raised and, you know, don't compliment a woman based on her. Physical appearance. And hopefully, most times girls aren't really into that, but hopefully you're not. What's he saying? Is he complimenting your intelligence? And is he complimenting like the fruit of the spirit? Like, man, she is gracious.
Speaker #1
Your character.
Speaker #0
And she is long-suffering. Patient, right. And she's very, very patient.
Speaker #1
She's joyful.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's the spirit kind of stuff, right? That's the stuff I'm looking for versus, you know, pretty green eyes and, you know. It's great in that dress. You know? That's important. And so that's what should stand out more than anything else. And those are the things you want to focus on versus my abs or I got to get back in, lose my baby weight. Okay, I understand that. It's wonderful. But more than that, it's, you know, my character is lined up with the fruit of the spirit. And so more importantly than, you know, you losing that 20 pounds again, it is, I'm focused more so on being a woman who... has value and being a woman who is patient and, um,
Speaker #1
loving,
Speaker #0
careful with my words and not piercing and putting down.
Speaker #1
Right. And so wife's the only way you're going to be able to have that or gain that is obviously time with the Lord, time in the word prayer, developing that spiritual maturity, growing in your faith and really letting the Lord shape. the things you say, the attitude that you have, the way you create and build up your home, which is also part of Proverbs 31. Getting a little ahead of myself. Well,
Speaker #0
there was a group in the 90s called DC Talk. I don't know how anybody feels about them, but they had a song and it was that girl. And the line says, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. A woman who fears the Lord, she ain't playing. Hear what I'm saying? Cause I'm saying it clearly. She's the kind of girl I got to have near me.
Speaker #1
Okay. You remember that.
Speaker #0
I remember that. So you talk about this. We always end our episodes with the scriptures, Proverbs 9, 1, that wisdom builds the house. But we have in here Proverbs 14, 1, which says what?
Speaker #1
That the wise woman builds her house.
Speaker #0
That's crazy. Not crazy. That wisdom builds the house. And then now we're seeing that this wise woman also builds the house. And so we're seeing, again, kind of roles shape up. And this happens here like, oh, well, I'm not a traditional woman and I don't want a traditional marriage. But we're seeing scripture tells us that a woman who is wise builds or shapes and lays the foundation for a strong, happy home.
Speaker #1
Yes, absolutely. Throughout chapter 31 as well, it talks about really being intentional. So she's very intentional about what she's creating, how she works for her family, how she builds her home. giving her home. We kind of named these already, but so it's peaceful, it's loving, it's joyful. The wife really has a huge role in really maintaining that and creating that as well.
Speaker #0
So we weren't talking about when we have our role, we're talking about, you know, doing the dishes and laundry and cutting the grass. We're talking about peace and joy and a loving atmosphere. That's what we're talking about. And you're saying that this was the same And that's...
Speaker #1
with women the wife of a noble character yes with noble character so yes it's a big part of proverbs 30 how is that something that is cultivated what are some things that you do to help create a home that has a peaceful loving atmosphere and environment because i would say you do um
Speaker #0
where it's a good thing to be home and you want to be home and home is awesome and it feels like home how do you do that it's a lot about the words you say
Speaker #1
the way you present yourself, both if you have children with your children and your husband, we talked about the husband leading the home and so letting him have that role, but whether or not he's doing everything he should be doing as a wife, you can really support the home atmosphere by the words you're putting out, the way the home looks, the way, um, people are invited in, the way that you run your household, what you do day to day. how you teach and bring up your children, how you speak encouragement. There's a lot of things that you do, even in those little moments, not huge grand gestures, but those things that you're doing day to day over and over is affecting so much that sometimes you don't really realize it.
Speaker #0
I want to speak to this is that this happened on Saturday. It was, it's me. It wasn't the wife, But... I want to share this with women as well as men because it's something that I think we can glean from because we do have an effect on our house, our atmosphere, as you're saying, and our children. So I went and I went to take Adley and helping you out. And we have a busy week. So I took the kids with their haircuts. So Adley was first. And I went into the salon and I gave clear instructions to the stylist of like, hey, we're going to cut her hair or trim her hair, not cut, trim. her hair to her shoulder blade. I walked to the chair, tapped Allie's shoulder blade, and said, we're going to trim her shoulder blade. Her mother said, do not cut anything shorter than her layers than her shoulder. If you use heat, use a diffuser. Those are my words. And then, five minutes later, half of Allie's hair was gone. And I was so upset. I had tears coming out of my eyes. That's how upset I was. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, how am I going to handle this? Because I'm like ready to go off. I am, you know, and one of those times can kind of really see my face because if I could turn red, I probably was red. Okay. And.
Speaker #1
So you're reacting. Right.
Speaker #0
And I'm in real time. I'm like, okay, I don't want to make it a big deal. I don't want to react in a way that Adley sees that and thinks that. that's the way you respond to chaos or that's how you respond when something doesn't go your way or that's how you respond when you're angry how am i going to respond yeah and so at least finish she came over and she i do a little little glassy and i said how are you okay and she said yes i'm okay i gave her a hug and i said okay if you're okay then daddy's okay and i said are you sure And she said yes And so I walked to the lady And she's like, I'm sorry. You know, I thought you said shoulder. And I'm like, we're not going to have a discussion about it. Allie, come get your lollipop. But so I did not make it a big deal. It could have went. A completely different way. So I encourage you, mothers and even fathers, like make sure that we were training our children up, that we are being examples of who Jesus is and that we don't respond out of our emotions. And then that causes them to pick up those habits as well and do the same thing.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and we were encouraging to her going on a little bit more of that example. Very encouraging to her, but we're also gonna, you know. not tell lies. Right. So it's a little shorter than what we were expecting. And when, when you brought her home, I'm like, mommy's going to go fix all the frizziness.
Speaker #0
And mommy, when I tell you, it's a virtuous woman. Her hands are blessed. And it's having creative ideas. That's the part of the virtuous woman and who mothers are. Jen went into the bathroom and Ellie came out looking completely different. It was, I'm not exaggerating. That child came home and I was like, I was very upset. And then Jen took her upstairs and Allie came downstairs and it was like, oh my God, you're so beautiful. So kudos to you because it was amazing.
Speaker #1
Yes. But working together as a team, speaking life, speaking encouragement, ultimately it is just hair. But in this example, but really working through that together and she was happy with it. She was good. So that's a great example. of how we did that in real time this past weekend. The next one I really want to get to before we have to sign off is that the Proverbs 31 woman or godly wife is strong. Yeah. Okay, so not weak. A lot of times we might hear or get a culture spin on it that if we... work from the home or work just in the home or whatever situation it is, we don't live up to certain standards and we're not as strong as somebody else. It's always comparison, right? But Proverbs 31 shows strength and not weakness. In Proverbs 31, 25, it says she is clothed with strength and dignity. So wives, we have emotional strength. We have resilience. We're steady. We already talked about showing that great character. Even if you're quiet, that doesn't mean you're weak. You can run an amazing household and have an amazing relationship walking out these characters that you see in Proverbs 31. And that's not being run over or weak or not having a mind of your own.
Speaker #0
Not by any means. And the next verse, it talks about how she speaks with wisdom. Yes. So I want to kind of throw this out there about. Watch your communication. Watch your tone. Yes. Your level of respect, because that plays a major role in setting that atmosphere and how that love is reciprocated to you from your spouse. So the same way my tone with you has to watch that and make sure that I'm communicating with care. You also need to respond and care. And so you gave the example if I'm you know, I have a I have a habit. of leaving things in the house or um i think we've shared episodes before of like i'll leave things in the sink and it's one of your pet peeves but you never go oh my god to rail then i tell you it's never been like i'm a child you have never talked to me or scolded me or given me some lecture about it ever and um you know i don't do it on purpose and so but It's something that makes the atmosphere peaceful. And at the end of the day, it is a cup. It is not worth. We make, we make. But you don't say like, you don't love me.
Speaker #1
Or I feel so disrespected. Or you can't follow simple directions or things like that.
Speaker #0
And that would just make me feel so belittled. And if you said those things to me, I would get, I would feel anger. And it would just turn me off from you. It would make you so unattractive to me. and I would I would fold up like a, like a rose and I would run away.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
If that would be the reaction that I would get.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
And I think that's typical for most men. So women really watch that and be careful with that because that can really be a divisive area that pulls you or pushes you rather further and further apart.
Speaker #1
Right. So wisdom and kindness, which is what it's speaking on is going to actually build. Connections and build that bond with your husband way deeper than if you're speaking with. a tone or just your body language or something that is going to bring that down. So I love Proverbs 31, 26. Like you mentioned, she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. That's a huge part of a role for a godly wife is the words that you allow to come out of your mouth and really letting the Holy Spirit guide you and what you do say and that you put out there to your husband. And then also... You have faithful instruction. I love that. I guess because I'm a teacher, but I like, you know, teaching and instructing and really helping the kids learn new things and grow and develop. So that's, that's one thing too, that I love and just really making sure you're watching your words because it's going to shape your marriage and your family so deeply.
Speaker #0
Yep. The one takeaway I would say for you, if you're listening or you are listening and watching is that healthy marriages are not by accident, but they are. built with intention on both sides with the man and the woman. They are built with intentionality. So that's something that we want you to remember. So if there's something you're looking for, we want to support you in your journey of having a healthy, supporting marriage. And it is called the Five Powerful Prayers. These are a freebie guide that we've given and created for you a PDF that you can access at oakhavencompany.com slash five. prayers or of course in the show notes and we talked about how you can pray the promise and not the problem so instead of saying oh my gosh my wife nags me and she is just you know i hate going home yeah and she's on my case all the time i went blah blah blah that's the problem instead of the promise i can pray promise 31 and where is it verse 10 uh and so father i think i have a wife who is of noble character yeah i think that she is priceless god and i think that i have i have full confidence in her and that I lack nothing. And so I praise you that every single day, it's something good. She brings me good every day, Father, and not harm every day of our life. So we will live long together in Jesus name, right? That's praying the promise instead of my emotions and my frustration. I'm praying the word of God and speaking that over her life, over my family. And so we help you with this. It's five. powerful prayers where we give you the verse, we give you the prayer, and you're able to speak that. And then there's spaces for you to kind of make your own prayer and make it your own, as well as a little thought for the day. So get that today. It'll really help you set this tone, lay the foundation for bringing prayer into your relationship. We believe the first step to a successful home is to first pray it.
Speaker #1
Pray it. And it sounds so easy or so simple, and you might just brush it off.
Speaker #0
I don't need that, whatever. But it's,
Speaker #1
I want to encourage you. Are you actually praying for your marriage, for your husband, for these things in your life? Are you bringing that to the Lord every day?
Speaker #0
Every day.
Speaker #1
Because you might say it's easy and simple, but are you actually doing it is the question. And so our prayer guide does start you off with five powerful prayers. You can start praying today. I guarantee if you... pray those things, things will change in your marriage, in your home, because the Lord is for you and he is working everything for your good.
Speaker #0
That's right. He is for you. He is for marriage. He is for your marriage. He is for your family, for your home. And when you pray his word, we believe that's where you'll find ultimate success.
Speaker #1
And it might not be instantaneous, right? I prayed that prayer yesterday. Nothing changed, right? It might be a little time where he might be shaping your heart to learn some things. it will make a difference 100%. So grab that free guide. You can start there and start making those amazing changes in your marriage.
Speaker #0
Love it. Oakhavencompany.com slash firepresence. But of course, all the links you need are right below in the show notes and in the description. Remember, you can find us anywhere by searching Home to Haven for any past, present, or future episodes. If you've got anything of value, it's like, man, that really encouraged me or lifted me up or gave me something I like and a thumbs up. go a long way to help us reach more people just like you. Thanks for listening, for tuning in. We'll see you next week. And remember, wisdom and the wife builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

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Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

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About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

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Is the Proverbs 31 woman inspiring you or exhausting you?

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Some women hear godly wife and feel inspired. Others hear it and feel crushed under the weight of an impossible standard. But what if both reactions are based on a version of Proverbs 31 that culture created and not scripture? Today we're going to unpack what this passage actually says and the woman it describes is not what people think she is. I'm Terrell, that's Jen, and... This is the Home to Haven podcast, your home for faithful content to help you communicate in your relationship. Let's get into it right now. Well, welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are so delighted you are here. It's another episode. It's what, 128, 129, 129. We're moving right along. We are. So here we go. 129. You can search Home to Haven at any podcast platform on YouTube. We'll pop right up, pull up episodes in the future or in the past. And, you know, check us out.
Speaker #1
Check us out.
Speaker #0
Let us know what's your favorite. Let us know what topics you may want us to speak on. Yeah. This is a podcast that helps you communicate in your relationship, whether you're married or dating. in. We pull everything from a biblical foundation to help you really understand what it means to be a Christian marriage.
Speaker #1
That's right. So if there's a topic that you are working through that you want to hear some more about, what does the Bible say about that? Or what does the Lord have for our marriage? Let us know. We love to hear from you and we love to take listeners' input and make some episodes. We started last week in talking about Godly. husbands. And we're going to move on to the wives this week and put some focus on the girls today. So we are going to dive in to Proverbs 31 a bit.
Speaker #0
Proverbs 31. Why Proverbs 31?
Speaker #1
So Proverbs 31, I would say many people have heard as what makes a good wife or shows characteristics of a wife. It lays out a lot of different things.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was always told, you want the Proverbs 31 woman right I think not the Proverbs 6. I think that's what it is, the woman where she's like, no, she's like, well, that one too. But the one who's like putting a trap for you and she's putting her perfume on and she like lads in wait to be like, ooh.
Speaker #1
To get you.
Speaker #0
Yeah. You don't want that girl. Okay. So, yeah, Proverbs 31 is a book that was written by King Solomon, who was widely regarded as the wisest man who's ever lived. And he gives us this framework in the back part of Proverbs 31 about like a virtuous woman. And there's one thing I wanted to point out because it says, I think it's verse 10. It starts out with who can find a virtuous woman. And it says, you know, this virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies. Yes. Well, the thing is like who can find her? So who's the one who can identify who a virtuous woman is? Okay. So it takes a special man. Like, what would we be looking for?
Speaker #1
Who can pick out the good ones. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker #0
Right. So that's part one. Right. And the part two is she's rare. Like, you don't find them a whole lot. Correct. So, you know, yeah.
Speaker #1
Hard to find. Hard to find. Once you find it, I know a couple of verses farther down says that she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. So who doesn't want that?
Speaker #0
Right. And that's what we say. Like, if you've heard pockets in the past, like, you know, marriage is a great thing. This whole thing that culture says is marriage is. awful and it's the worst thing you're going to do. And it's so hard. And oh, my gosh. And not saying it's a piece of cake, but we believe because what we see in the word is that, you know, you get favor and, you know, she's a crown and she does you good all of her days. And oh, my gosh, that sounds awesome. It's the way God designed for it to be. And yes, sin, this broken world has made it jacked up.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But when we align ourselves to the word of God, then we can really see and understand, oh, this is the. beauty of what God has designed for us to have. I love it.
Speaker #1
I love it. And I know it also says in verse 11, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
So that's a good one.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So let's pause right there and say law that's in Psalms. Let's pause and think about that. Right. That what is it? Her husband does what?
Speaker #1
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing or all her husband has full confidence. and her end lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
Right. So, you know, one of the things that we look at, we kind of gave an example of how to pray this. But when we look at that, it's like, okay, am I, does my husband believe in me? Does he have confidence in me? Am I forcing that on him? Right. And trying to make him do, you see what we do on this and we're going to do this. Or, you know. Is there a space of mutual respect and honor that says he trusts me to do these things because of the way I carry myself?
Speaker #1
100%. I have a side-by-side Bible right here.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
So the other version says her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it.
Speaker #0
There you go.
Speaker #1
Right there. Starts it all off. So Proverbs 31 really lays out a lot of different characteristics for a wife of noble character.
Speaker #0
Yep.
Speaker #1
But we want to also bring it back to the root of where she's getting that good character. Because it's not just like, oh, I'm awesome. I'm the best. Come find me. You know, all that and everything.
Speaker #0
Which is what we get a lot of today. And culture is like, it's all about me and my looks and how I present myself and my Botox and just everything that I got going on in my life.
Speaker #1
I'm amazing. Yeah,
Speaker #0
you need this.
Speaker #1
I have standards, you know, for any man that can talk to me, you've got to make six figures, all that nonsense. Right. So this is not about being amazing in your, you know, attributes because you're awesome as yourself. So we want to bring that back. This is how we started off our talk about the husbands and we can start talking about it first and foremost for the wife as well. which is that a godly wife is rooted in God first.
Speaker #0
Yeah, your identity is found in Jesus. So the same way the husband is loving you like Jesus, well, you get your identity from Jesus. So it both matches. It's going to a lot of it come together. So you know that your beauty and your confidence and your strength is not found in the world, is not found in the guy. It's found in your savior. And that's where you draw your strength and your character and your beauty and your... your goodness from.
Speaker #1
Yes. Proverbs 31 30 says charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. So that's where it has to start. Like you said, first and foremost with the Lord, and it's not a person being praised first for how they look or how their productivity or how great they are. you know, running their company, right?
Speaker #0
How she can cook, you know, her hands or man, those legs or all the things that we talk about when we see couples get together, especially on the different shows is all about physical and no one has conversation. And then we're not talking about conversation today, but it's like, yeah, we didn't really talk about that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. We haven't ever,
Speaker #0
we didn't talk about kids yet. How, how, how are you six years in and you'll have not had this conversation yet. Right. It was... Everything has been based on physical. We connect. We connected. We have chemistry. Yeah. It was a spark.
Speaker #1
Yeah. He's probably my soulmate. Okay. That type of thing. But are you being praised for fearing the Lord?
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's a good one. Sorry, I keep jumping in. But like one of the things that was very, very early on when I was a teenager being raised and, you know, don't compliment a woman based on her. Physical appearance. And hopefully, most times girls aren't really into that, but hopefully you're not. What's he saying? Is he complimenting your intelligence? And is he complimenting like the fruit of the spirit? Like, man, she is gracious.
Speaker #1
Your character.
Speaker #0
And she is long-suffering. Patient, right. And she's very, very patient.
Speaker #1
She's joyful.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's the spirit kind of stuff, right? That's the stuff I'm looking for versus, you know, pretty green eyes and, you know. It's great in that dress. You know? That's important. And so that's what should stand out more than anything else. And those are the things you want to focus on versus my abs or I got to get back in, lose my baby weight. Okay, I understand that. It's wonderful. But more than that, it's, you know, my character is lined up with the fruit of the spirit. And so more importantly than, you know, you losing that 20 pounds again, it is, I'm focused more so on being a woman who... has value and being a woman who is patient and, um,
Speaker #1
loving,
Speaker #0
careful with my words and not piercing and putting down.
Speaker #1
Right. And so wife's the only way you're going to be able to have that or gain that is obviously time with the Lord, time in the word prayer, developing that spiritual maturity, growing in your faith and really letting the Lord shape. the things you say, the attitude that you have, the way you create and build up your home, which is also part of Proverbs 31. Getting a little ahead of myself. Well,
Speaker #0
there was a group in the 90s called DC Talk. I don't know how anybody feels about them, but they had a song and it was that girl. And the line says, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. A woman who fears the Lord, she ain't playing. Hear what I'm saying? Cause I'm saying it clearly. She's the kind of girl I got to have near me.
Speaker #1
Okay. You remember that.
Speaker #0
I remember that. So you talk about this. We always end our episodes with the scriptures, Proverbs 9, 1, that wisdom builds the house. But we have in here Proverbs 14, 1, which says what?
Speaker #1
That the wise woman builds her house.
Speaker #0
That's crazy. Not crazy. That wisdom builds the house. And then now we're seeing that this wise woman also builds the house. And so we're seeing, again, kind of roles shape up. And this happens here like, oh, well, I'm not a traditional woman and I don't want a traditional marriage. But we're seeing scripture tells us that a woman who is wise builds or shapes and lays the foundation for a strong, happy home.
Speaker #1
Yes, absolutely. Throughout chapter 31 as well, it talks about really being intentional. So she's very intentional about what she's creating, how she works for her family, how she builds her home. giving her home. We kind of named these already, but so it's peaceful, it's loving, it's joyful. The wife really has a huge role in really maintaining that and creating that as well.
Speaker #0
So we weren't talking about when we have our role, we're talking about, you know, doing the dishes and laundry and cutting the grass. We're talking about peace and joy and a loving atmosphere. That's what we're talking about. And you're saying that this was the same And that's...
Speaker #1
with women the wife of a noble character yes with noble character so yes it's a big part of proverbs 30 how is that something that is cultivated what are some things that you do to help create a home that has a peaceful loving atmosphere and environment because i would say you do um
Speaker #0
where it's a good thing to be home and you want to be home and home is awesome and it feels like home how do you do that it's a lot about the words you say
Speaker #1
the way you present yourself, both if you have children with your children and your husband, we talked about the husband leading the home and so letting him have that role, but whether or not he's doing everything he should be doing as a wife, you can really support the home atmosphere by the words you're putting out, the way the home looks, the way, um, people are invited in, the way that you run your household, what you do day to day. how you teach and bring up your children, how you speak encouragement. There's a lot of things that you do, even in those little moments, not huge grand gestures, but those things that you're doing day to day over and over is affecting so much that sometimes you don't really realize it.
Speaker #0
I want to speak to this is that this happened on Saturday. It was, it's me. It wasn't the wife, But... I want to share this with women as well as men because it's something that I think we can glean from because we do have an effect on our house, our atmosphere, as you're saying, and our children. So I went and I went to take Adley and helping you out. And we have a busy week. So I took the kids with their haircuts. So Adley was first. And I went into the salon and I gave clear instructions to the stylist of like, hey, we're going to cut her hair or trim her hair, not cut, trim. her hair to her shoulder blade. I walked to the chair, tapped Allie's shoulder blade, and said, we're going to trim her shoulder blade. Her mother said, do not cut anything shorter than her layers than her shoulder. If you use heat, use a diffuser. Those are my words. And then, five minutes later, half of Allie's hair was gone. And I was so upset. I had tears coming out of my eyes. That's how upset I was. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, how am I going to handle this? Because I'm like ready to go off. I am, you know, and one of those times can kind of really see my face because if I could turn red, I probably was red. Okay. And.
Speaker #1
So you're reacting. Right.
Speaker #0
And I'm in real time. I'm like, okay, I don't want to make it a big deal. I don't want to react in a way that Adley sees that and thinks that. that's the way you respond to chaos or that's how you respond when something doesn't go your way or that's how you respond when you're angry how am i going to respond yeah and so at least finish she came over and she i do a little little glassy and i said how are you okay and she said yes i'm okay i gave her a hug and i said okay if you're okay then daddy's okay and i said are you sure And she said yes And so I walked to the lady And she's like, I'm sorry. You know, I thought you said shoulder. And I'm like, we're not going to have a discussion about it. Allie, come get your lollipop. But so I did not make it a big deal. It could have went. A completely different way. So I encourage you, mothers and even fathers, like make sure that we were training our children up, that we are being examples of who Jesus is and that we don't respond out of our emotions. And then that causes them to pick up those habits as well and do the same thing.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and we were encouraging to her going on a little bit more of that example. Very encouraging to her, but we're also gonna, you know. not tell lies. Right. So it's a little shorter than what we were expecting. And when, when you brought her home, I'm like, mommy's going to go fix all the frizziness.
Speaker #0
And mommy, when I tell you, it's a virtuous woman. Her hands are blessed. And it's having creative ideas. That's the part of the virtuous woman and who mothers are. Jen went into the bathroom and Ellie came out looking completely different. It was, I'm not exaggerating. That child came home and I was like, I was very upset. And then Jen took her upstairs and Allie came downstairs and it was like, oh my God, you're so beautiful. So kudos to you because it was amazing.
Speaker #1
Yes. But working together as a team, speaking life, speaking encouragement, ultimately it is just hair. But in this example, but really working through that together and she was happy with it. She was good. So that's a great example. of how we did that in real time this past weekend. The next one I really want to get to before we have to sign off is that the Proverbs 31 woman or godly wife is strong. Yeah. Okay, so not weak. A lot of times we might hear or get a culture spin on it that if we... work from the home or work just in the home or whatever situation it is, we don't live up to certain standards and we're not as strong as somebody else. It's always comparison, right? But Proverbs 31 shows strength and not weakness. In Proverbs 31, 25, it says she is clothed with strength and dignity. So wives, we have emotional strength. We have resilience. We're steady. We already talked about showing that great character. Even if you're quiet, that doesn't mean you're weak. You can run an amazing household and have an amazing relationship walking out these characters that you see in Proverbs 31. And that's not being run over or weak or not having a mind of your own.
Speaker #0
Not by any means. And the next verse, it talks about how she speaks with wisdom. Yes. So I want to kind of throw this out there about. Watch your communication. Watch your tone. Yes. Your level of respect, because that plays a major role in setting that atmosphere and how that love is reciprocated to you from your spouse. So the same way my tone with you has to watch that and make sure that I'm communicating with care. You also need to respond and care. And so you gave the example if I'm you know, I have a I have a habit. of leaving things in the house or um i think we've shared episodes before of like i'll leave things in the sink and it's one of your pet peeves but you never go oh my god to rail then i tell you it's never been like i'm a child you have never talked to me or scolded me or given me some lecture about it ever and um you know i don't do it on purpose and so but It's something that makes the atmosphere peaceful. And at the end of the day, it is a cup. It is not worth. We make, we make. But you don't say like, you don't love me.
Speaker #1
Or I feel so disrespected. Or you can't follow simple directions or things like that.
Speaker #0
And that would just make me feel so belittled. And if you said those things to me, I would get, I would feel anger. And it would just turn me off from you. It would make you so unattractive to me. and I would I would fold up like a, like a rose and I would run away.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
If that would be the reaction that I would get.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
And I think that's typical for most men. So women really watch that and be careful with that because that can really be a divisive area that pulls you or pushes you rather further and further apart.
Speaker #1
Right. So wisdom and kindness, which is what it's speaking on is going to actually build. Connections and build that bond with your husband way deeper than if you're speaking with. a tone or just your body language or something that is going to bring that down. So I love Proverbs 31, 26. Like you mentioned, she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. That's a huge part of a role for a godly wife is the words that you allow to come out of your mouth and really letting the Holy Spirit guide you and what you do say and that you put out there to your husband. And then also... You have faithful instruction. I love that. I guess because I'm a teacher, but I like, you know, teaching and instructing and really helping the kids learn new things and grow and develop. So that's, that's one thing too, that I love and just really making sure you're watching your words because it's going to shape your marriage and your family so deeply.
Speaker #0
Yep. The one takeaway I would say for you, if you're listening or you are listening and watching is that healthy marriages are not by accident, but they are. built with intention on both sides with the man and the woman. They are built with intentionality. So that's something that we want you to remember. So if there's something you're looking for, we want to support you in your journey of having a healthy, supporting marriage. And it is called the Five Powerful Prayers. These are a freebie guide that we've given and created for you a PDF that you can access at oakhavencompany.com slash five. prayers or of course in the show notes and we talked about how you can pray the promise and not the problem so instead of saying oh my gosh my wife nags me and she is just you know i hate going home yeah and she's on my case all the time i went blah blah blah that's the problem instead of the promise i can pray promise 31 and where is it verse 10 uh and so father i think i have a wife who is of noble character yeah i think that she is priceless god and i think that i have i have full confidence in her and that I lack nothing. And so I praise you that every single day, it's something good. She brings me good every day, Father, and not harm every day of our life. So we will live long together in Jesus name, right? That's praying the promise instead of my emotions and my frustration. I'm praying the word of God and speaking that over her life, over my family. And so we help you with this. It's five. powerful prayers where we give you the verse, we give you the prayer, and you're able to speak that. And then there's spaces for you to kind of make your own prayer and make it your own, as well as a little thought for the day. So get that today. It'll really help you set this tone, lay the foundation for bringing prayer into your relationship. We believe the first step to a successful home is to first pray it.
Speaker #1
Pray it. And it sounds so easy or so simple, and you might just brush it off.
Speaker #0
I don't need that, whatever. But it's,
Speaker #1
I want to encourage you. Are you actually praying for your marriage, for your husband, for these things in your life? Are you bringing that to the Lord every day?
Speaker #0
Every day.
Speaker #1
Because you might say it's easy and simple, but are you actually doing it is the question. And so our prayer guide does start you off with five powerful prayers. You can start praying today. I guarantee if you... pray those things, things will change in your marriage, in your home, because the Lord is for you and he is working everything for your good.
Speaker #0
That's right. He is for you. He is for marriage. He is for your marriage. He is for your family, for your home. And when you pray his word, we believe that's where you'll find ultimate success.
Speaker #1
And it might not be instantaneous, right? I prayed that prayer yesterday. Nothing changed, right? It might be a little time where he might be shaping your heart to learn some things. it will make a difference 100%. So grab that free guide. You can start there and start making those amazing changes in your marriage.
Speaker #0
Love it. Oakhavencompany.com slash firepresence. But of course, all the links you need are right below in the show notes and in the description. Remember, you can find us anywhere by searching Home to Haven for any past, present, or future episodes. If you've got anything of value, it's like, man, that really encouraged me or lifted me up or gave me something I like and a thumbs up. go a long way to help us reach more people just like you. Thanks for listening, for tuning in. We'll see you next week. And remember, wisdom and the wife builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

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About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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Is the Proverbs 31 woman inspiring you or exhausting you?

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Some women hear godly wife and feel inspired. Others hear it and feel crushed under the weight of an impossible standard. But what if both reactions are based on a version of Proverbs 31 that culture created and not scripture? Today we're going to unpack what this passage actually says and the woman it describes is not what people think she is. I'm Terrell, that's Jen, and... This is the Home to Haven podcast, your home for faithful content to help you communicate in your relationship. Let's get into it right now. Well, welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are so delighted you are here. It's another episode. It's what, 128, 129, 129. We're moving right along. We are. So here we go. 129. You can search Home to Haven at any podcast platform on YouTube. We'll pop right up, pull up episodes in the future or in the past. And, you know, check us out.
Speaker #1
Check us out.
Speaker #0
Let us know what's your favorite. Let us know what topics you may want us to speak on. Yeah. This is a podcast that helps you communicate in your relationship, whether you're married or dating. in. We pull everything from a biblical foundation to help you really understand what it means to be a Christian marriage.
Speaker #1
That's right. So if there's a topic that you are working through that you want to hear some more about, what does the Bible say about that? Or what does the Lord have for our marriage? Let us know. We love to hear from you and we love to take listeners' input and make some episodes. We started last week in talking about Godly. husbands. And we're going to move on to the wives this week and put some focus on the girls today. So we are going to dive in to Proverbs 31 a bit.
Speaker #0
Proverbs 31. Why Proverbs 31?
Speaker #1
So Proverbs 31, I would say many people have heard as what makes a good wife or shows characteristics of a wife. It lays out a lot of different things.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was always told, you want the Proverbs 31 woman right I think not the Proverbs 6. I think that's what it is, the woman where she's like, no, she's like, well, that one too. But the one who's like putting a trap for you and she's putting her perfume on and she like lads in wait to be like, ooh.
Speaker #1
To get you.
Speaker #0
Yeah. You don't want that girl. Okay. So, yeah, Proverbs 31 is a book that was written by King Solomon, who was widely regarded as the wisest man who's ever lived. And he gives us this framework in the back part of Proverbs 31 about like a virtuous woman. And there's one thing I wanted to point out because it says, I think it's verse 10. It starts out with who can find a virtuous woman. And it says, you know, this virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies. Yes. Well, the thing is like who can find her? So who's the one who can identify who a virtuous woman is? Okay. So it takes a special man. Like, what would we be looking for?
Speaker #1
Who can pick out the good ones. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker #0
Right. So that's part one. Right. And the part two is she's rare. Like, you don't find them a whole lot. Correct. So, you know, yeah.
Speaker #1
Hard to find. Hard to find. Once you find it, I know a couple of verses farther down says that she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. So who doesn't want that?
Speaker #0
Right. And that's what we say. Like, if you've heard pockets in the past, like, you know, marriage is a great thing. This whole thing that culture says is marriage is. awful and it's the worst thing you're going to do. And it's so hard. And oh, my gosh. And not saying it's a piece of cake, but we believe because what we see in the word is that, you know, you get favor and, you know, she's a crown and she does you good all of her days. And oh, my gosh, that sounds awesome. It's the way God designed for it to be. And yes, sin, this broken world has made it jacked up.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But when we align ourselves to the word of God, then we can really see and understand, oh, this is the. beauty of what God has designed for us to have. I love it.
Speaker #1
I love it. And I know it also says in verse 11, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
So that's a good one.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So let's pause right there and say law that's in Psalms. Let's pause and think about that. Right. That what is it? Her husband does what?
Speaker #1
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing or all her husband has full confidence. and her end lacks nothing of value.
Speaker #0
Right. So, you know, one of the things that we look at, we kind of gave an example of how to pray this. But when we look at that, it's like, okay, am I, does my husband believe in me? Does he have confidence in me? Am I forcing that on him? Right. And trying to make him do, you see what we do on this and we're going to do this. Or, you know. Is there a space of mutual respect and honor that says he trusts me to do these things because of the way I carry myself?
Speaker #1
100%. I have a side-by-side Bible right here.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
So the other version says her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it.
Speaker #0
There you go.
Speaker #1
Right there. Starts it all off. So Proverbs 31 really lays out a lot of different characteristics for a wife of noble character.
Speaker #0
Yep.
Speaker #1
But we want to also bring it back to the root of where she's getting that good character. Because it's not just like, oh, I'm awesome. I'm the best. Come find me. You know, all that and everything.
Speaker #0
Which is what we get a lot of today. And culture is like, it's all about me and my looks and how I present myself and my Botox and just everything that I got going on in my life.
Speaker #1
I'm amazing. Yeah,
Speaker #0
you need this.
Speaker #1
I have standards, you know, for any man that can talk to me, you've got to make six figures, all that nonsense. Right. So this is not about being amazing in your, you know, attributes because you're awesome as yourself. So we want to bring that back. This is how we started off our talk about the husbands and we can start talking about it first and foremost for the wife as well. which is that a godly wife is rooted in God first.
Speaker #0
Yeah, your identity is found in Jesus. So the same way the husband is loving you like Jesus, well, you get your identity from Jesus. So it both matches. It's going to a lot of it come together. So you know that your beauty and your confidence and your strength is not found in the world, is not found in the guy. It's found in your savior. And that's where you draw your strength and your character and your beauty and your... your goodness from.
Speaker #1
Yes. Proverbs 31 30 says charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. So that's where it has to start. Like you said, first and foremost with the Lord, and it's not a person being praised first for how they look or how their productivity or how great they are. you know, running their company, right?
Speaker #0
How she can cook, you know, her hands or man, those legs or all the things that we talk about when we see couples get together, especially on the different shows is all about physical and no one has conversation. And then we're not talking about conversation today, but it's like, yeah, we didn't really talk about that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. We haven't ever,
Speaker #0
we didn't talk about kids yet. How, how, how are you six years in and you'll have not had this conversation yet. Right. It was... Everything has been based on physical. We connect. We connected. We have chemistry. Yeah. It was a spark.
Speaker #1
Yeah. He's probably my soulmate. Okay. That type of thing. But are you being praised for fearing the Lord?
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's a good one. Sorry, I keep jumping in. But like one of the things that was very, very early on when I was a teenager being raised and, you know, don't compliment a woman based on her. Physical appearance. And hopefully, most times girls aren't really into that, but hopefully you're not. What's he saying? Is he complimenting your intelligence? And is he complimenting like the fruit of the spirit? Like, man, she is gracious.
Speaker #1
Your character.
Speaker #0
And she is long-suffering. Patient, right. And she's very, very patient.
Speaker #1
She's joyful.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's the spirit kind of stuff, right? That's the stuff I'm looking for versus, you know, pretty green eyes and, you know. It's great in that dress. You know? That's important. And so that's what should stand out more than anything else. And those are the things you want to focus on versus my abs or I got to get back in, lose my baby weight. Okay, I understand that. It's wonderful. But more than that, it's, you know, my character is lined up with the fruit of the spirit. And so more importantly than, you know, you losing that 20 pounds again, it is, I'm focused more so on being a woman who... has value and being a woman who is patient and, um,
Speaker #1
loving,
Speaker #0
careful with my words and not piercing and putting down.
Speaker #1
Right. And so wife's the only way you're going to be able to have that or gain that is obviously time with the Lord, time in the word prayer, developing that spiritual maturity, growing in your faith and really letting the Lord shape. the things you say, the attitude that you have, the way you create and build up your home, which is also part of Proverbs 31. Getting a little ahead of myself. Well,
Speaker #0
there was a group in the 90s called DC Talk. I don't know how anybody feels about them, but they had a song and it was that girl. And the line says, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. A woman who fears the Lord, she ain't playing. Hear what I'm saying? Cause I'm saying it clearly. She's the kind of girl I got to have near me.
Speaker #1
Okay. You remember that.
Speaker #0
I remember that. So you talk about this. We always end our episodes with the scriptures, Proverbs 9, 1, that wisdom builds the house. But we have in here Proverbs 14, 1, which says what?
Speaker #1
That the wise woman builds her house.
Speaker #0
That's crazy. Not crazy. That wisdom builds the house. And then now we're seeing that this wise woman also builds the house. And so we're seeing, again, kind of roles shape up. And this happens here like, oh, well, I'm not a traditional woman and I don't want a traditional marriage. But we're seeing scripture tells us that a woman who is wise builds or shapes and lays the foundation for a strong, happy home.
Speaker #1
Yes, absolutely. Throughout chapter 31 as well, it talks about really being intentional. So she's very intentional about what she's creating, how she works for her family, how she builds her home. giving her home. We kind of named these already, but so it's peaceful, it's loving, it's joyful. The wife really has a huge role in really maintaining that and creating that as well.
Speaker #0
So we weren't talking about when we have our role, we're talking about, you know, doing the dishes and laundry and cutting the grass. We're talking about peace and joy and a loving atmosphere. That's what we're talking about. And you're saying that this was the same And that's...
Speaker #1
with women the wife of a noble character yes with noble character so yes it's a big part of proverbs 30 how is that something that is cultivated what are some things that you do to help create a home that has a peaceful loving atmosphere and environment because i would say you do um
Speaker #0
where it's a good thing to be home and you want to be home and home is awesome and it feels like home how do you do that it's a lot about the words you say
Speaker #1
the way you present yourself, both if you have children with your children and your husband, we talked about the husband leading the home and so letting him have that role, but whether or not he's doing everything he should be doing as a wife, you can really support the home atmosphere by the words you're putting out, the way the home looks, the way, um, people are invited in, the way that you run your household, what you do day to day. how you teach and bring up your children, how you speak encouragement. There's a lot of things that you do, even in those little moments, not huge grand gestures, but those things that you're doing day to day over and over is affecting so much that sometimes you don't really realize it.
Speaker #0
I want to speak to this is that this happened on Saturday. It was, it's me. It wasn't the wife, But... I want to share this with women as well as men because it's something that I think we can glean from because we do have an effect on our house, our atmosphere, as you're saying, and our children. So I went and I went to take Adley and helping you out. And we have a busy week. So I took the kids with their haircuts. So Adley was first. And I went into the salon and I gave clear instructions to the stylist of like, hey, we're going to cut her hair or trim her hair, not cut, trim. her hair to her shoulder blade. I walked to the chair, tapped Allie's shoulder blade, and said, we're going to trim her shoulder blade. Her mother said, do not cut anything shorter than her layers than her shoulder. If you use heat, use a diffuser. Those are my words. And then, five minutes later, half of Allie's hair was gone. And I was so upset. I had tears coming out of my eyes. That's how upset I was. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, how am I going to handle this? Because I'm like ready to go off. I am, you know, and one of those times can kind of really see my face because if I could turn red, I probably was red. Okay. And.
Speaker #1
So you're reacting. Right.
Speaker #0
And I'm in real time. I'm like, okay, I don't want to make it a big deal. I don't want to react in a way that Adley sees that and thinks that. that's the way you respond to chaos or that's how you respond when something doesn't go your way or that's how you respond when you're angry how am i going to respond yeah and so at least finish she came over and she i do a little little glassy and i said how are you okay and she said yes i'm okay i gave her a hug and i said okay if you're okay then daddy's okay and i said are you sure And she said yes And so I walked to the lady And she's like, I'm sorry. You know, I thought you said shoulder. And I'm like, we're not going to have a discussion about it. Allie, come get your lollipop. But so I did not make it a big deal. It could have went. A completely different way. So I encourage you, mothers and even fathers, like make sure that we were training our children up, that we are being examples of who Jesus is and that we don't respond out of our emotions. And then that causes them to pick up those habits as well and do the same thing.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and we were encouraging to her going on a little bit more of that example. Very encouraging to her, but we're also gonna, you know. not tell lies. Right. So it's a little shorter than what we were expecting. And when, when you brought her home, I'm like, mommy's going to go fix all the frizziness.
Speaker #0
And mommy, when I tell you, it's a virtuous woman. Her hands are blessed. And it's having creative ideas. That's the part of the virtuous woman and who mothers are. Jen went into the bathroom and Ellie came out looking completely different. It was, I'm not exaggerating. That child came home and I was like, I was very upset. And then Jen took her upstairs and Allie came downstairs and it was like, oh my God, you're so beautiful. So kudos to you because it was amazing.
Speaker #1
Yes. But working together as a team, speaking life, speaking encouragement, ultimately it is just hair. But in this example, but really working through that together and she was happy with it. She was good. So that's a great example. of how we did that in real time this past weekend. The next one I really want to get to before we have to sign off is that the Proverbs 31 woman or godly wife is strong. Yeah. Okay, so not weak. A lot of times we might hear or get a culture spin on it that if we... work from the home or work just in the home or whatever situation it is, we don't live up to certain standards and we're not as strong as somebody else. It's always comparison, right? But Proverbs 31 shows strength and not weakness. In Proverbs 31, 25, it says she is clothed with strength and dignity. So wives, we have emotional strength. We have resilience. We're steady. We already talked about showing that great character. Even if you're quiet, that doesn't mean you're weak. You can run an amazing household and have an amazing relationship walking out these characters that you see in Proverbs 31. And that's not being run over or weak or not having a mind of your own.
Speaker #0
Not by any means. And the next verse, it talks about how she speaks with wisdom. Yes. So I want to kind of throw this out there about. Watch your communication. Watch your tone. Yes. Your level of respect, because that plays a major role in setting that atmosphere and how that love is reciprocated to you from your spouse. So the same way my tone with you has to watch that and make sure that I'm communicating with care. You also need to respond and care. And so you gave the example if I'm you know, I have a I have a habit. of leaving things in the house or um i think we've shared episodes before of like i'll leave things in the sink and it's one of your pet peeves but you never go oh my god to rail then i tell you it's never been like i'm a child you have never talked to me or scolded me or given me some lecture about it ever and um you know i don't do it on purpose and so but It's something that makes the atmosphere peaceful. And at the end of the day, it is a cup. It is not worth. We make, we make. But you don't say like, you don't love me.
Speaker #1
Or I feel so disrespected. Or you can't follow simple directions or things like that.
Speaker #0
And that would just make me feel so belittled. And if you said those things to me, I would get, I would feel anger. And it would just turn me off from you. It would make you so unattractive to me. and I would I would fold up like a, like a rose and I would run away.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
If that would be the reaction that I would get.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
And I think that's typical for most men. So women really watch that and be careful with that because that can really be a divisive area that pulls you or pushes you rather further and further apart.
Speaker #1
Right. So wisdom and kindness, which is what it's speaking on is going to actually build. Connections and build that bond with your husband way deeper than if you're speaking with. a tone or just your body language or something that is going to bring that down. So I love Proverbs 31, 26. Like you mentioned, she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. That's a huge part of a role for a godly wife is the words that you allow to come out of your mouth and really letting the Holy Spirit guide you and what you do say and that you put out there to your husband. And then also... You have faithful instruction. I love that. I guess because I'm a teacher, but I like, you know, teaching and instructing and really helping the kids learn new things and grow and develop. So that's, that's one thing too, that I love and just really making sure you're watching your words because it's going to shape your marriage and your family so deeply.
Speaker #0
Yep. The one takeaway I would say for you, if you're listening or you are listening and watching is that healthy marriages are not by accident, but they are. built with intention on both sides with the man and the woman. They are built with intentionality. So that's something that we want you to remember. So if there's something you're looking for, we want to support you in your journey of having a healthy, supporting marriage. And it is called the Five Powerful Prayers. These are a freebie guide that we've given and created for you a PDF that you can access at oakhavencompany.com slash five. prayers or of course in the show notes and we talked about how you can pray the promise and not the problem so instead of saying oh my gosh my wife nags me and she is just you know i hate going home yeah and she's on my case all the time i went blah blah blah that's the problem instead of the promise i can pray promise 31 and where is it verse 10 uh and so father i think i have a wife who is of noble character yeah i think that she is priceless god and i think that i have i have full confidence in her and that I lack nothing. And so I praise you that every single day, it's something good. She brings me good every day, Father, and not harm every day of our life. So we will live long together in Jesus name, right? That's praying the promise instead of my emotions and my frustration. I'm praying the word of God and speaking that over her life, over my family. And so we help you with this. It's five. powerful prayers where we give you the verse, we give you the prayer, and you're able to speak that. And then there's spaces for you to kind of make your own prayer and make it your own, as well as a little thought for the day. So get that today. It'll really help you set this tone, lay the foundation for bringing prayer into your relationship. We believe the first step to a successful home is to first pray it.
Speaker #1
Pray it. And it sounds so easy or so simple, and you might just brush it off.
Speaker #0
I don't need that, whatever. But it's,
Speaker #1
I want to encourage you. Are you actually praying for your marriage, for your husband, for these things in your life? Are you bringing that to the Lord every day?
Speaker #0
Every day.
Speaker #1
Because you might say it's easy and simple, but are you actually doing it is the question. And so our prayer guide does start you off with five powerful prayers. You can start praying today. I guarantee if you... pray those things, things will change in your marriage, in your home, because the Lord is for you and he is working everything for your good.
Speaker #0
That's right. He is for you. He is for marriage. He is for your marriage. He is for your family, for your home. And when you pray his word, we believe that's where you'll find ultimate success.
Speaker #1
And it might not be instantaneous, right? I prayed that prayer yesterday. Nothing changed, right? It might be a little time where he might be shaping your heart to learn some things. it will make a difference 100%. So grab that free guide. You can start there and start making those amazing changes in your marriage.
Speaker #0
Love it. Oakhavencompany.com slash firepresence. But of course, all the links you need are right below in the show notes and in the description. Remember, you can find us anywhere by searching Home to Haven for any past, present, or future episodes. If you've got anything of value, it's like, man, that really encouraged me or lifted me up or gave me something I like and a thumbs up. go a long way to help us reach more people just like you. Thanks for listening, for tuning in. We'll see you next week. And remember, wisdom and the wife builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

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About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources: