Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Not all addictions look destructive. Some look responsible, helpful, even admirable. Don't believe me? Let me show you. I'm Anna Murby, and this is Honest Christian Conversations, Minnesota edition. If this is your first time joining me today, thank you for being here. If you are a returning listener, I'm glad you've come back for another honest conversation about faith. I'm a stay-at-home mom. which means household chores are mostly my responsibility. I don't mind. In fact, I actually enjoy getting things done while listening to a podcast. It makes the time fly. But if one of my sweet little cherubs asks if they can help with the dishes, cooking, or anything else, forget about it. The very idea makes me cringe. And do you know why? Because they aren't me. They don't know the right way to do things, so in my mind it's just better if I do it myself. Sounds harsh, right? I don't blame you for giving me the side eye. I do it to myself all the time, because deep down I know I could slow down, take the extra time to teach them, and next time things would go even faster. But no, I'd rather just do it myself and watch my eager-to-help child slowly slump away. I know, I know. Monster. I'm working on it. But if I'm being honest, it's not easy letting someone else help me. My whole life I've been a lone wolf, doing everything myself. I like the rush of accomplishment and the peace of mind that comes from knowing things are exactly as they should be. Does this sound like you? If that sounds like you, then I have some bad news. This may be a sign that you are struggling with control. But don't get discouraged. It's not always a bad thing. People who like to control often have great qualities too. We're usually dependable, helpful, and we like order. We don't need to be asked twice. We just get things done. So maybe you still aren't convinced. Here's another one for you. Do you serve at church and get discouraged when people don't acknowledge your sacrifice of time? What about at work? You show up every day, do your work without trouble, and one day your boss promotes you and gives you a raise. How does that make you feel? Appreciated? Validated? Maybe hungering for the next tier of approval high? Are we starting to feel a twinge of, maybe she's right? Let's take this one step further. A step beyond chasing validation is people-pleasing. Have you been there before? I know I have. I'm still trying to shake that monkey off my back. I can't tell you how many times I felt validated and encouraged when I pretended to be something I wasn't just to please someone I cared about. After a while, though, I became resentful and knew something was wrong with this mentality. I wanted it to end. I needed to know who I was in Christ and be content with that. Validation can be a dangerous rabbit trail. It doesn't just feed self-importance and people-pleasing. It can also lead to emotional dependence on others. When a loved one validates an idea you have or gives you a compliment, how does that make you feel? Warm and fuzzy? Seen? And what happens when that same loved one criticizes you or gives you some advice that isn't praising? How does that make you feel? Sad? Angry? Hurt? Confused? Bitter? Like they don't love you anymore? Do you strive to change their opinion of you? Are you starting to see how these behaviors can quickly become unhealthy addictive behaviors? It's okay if you were today years old when you realize some of these patterns you have may have become addictions. There's still time to change and start anew. God sent his son to die on the cross for your sins, including the hidden ones. So let go of any guilt you may be feeling right now and learn to stand firm in the truth and stop these cycles before they spiral any further. Not sure where to start? My struggle wasn't just with control. I battled a porn addiction for 17 years. God freed me from that addiction in such a powerful way that I knew I couldn't keep what I learned to myself. So I created the Retrain Your Brain podcast series to share some of the things that helped me walk through healing and recovery. If this episode is stirring something in you and you feel ready to take that next step, you can find the Retrain Your Brain link in the show notes. Now let's do a helpful exercise. Think of something you want to evaluate to see if it's becoming an addiction. Got that thing in mind? Good. Here are the questions. How often is this part of your daily routine? How do you feel afterward? Why do you do this? How were you feeling leading up to it? Is this a habit you picked up in childhood? or learn from someone around you? If you chose not to do this anymore, what would happen? How would that make you feel? Your answers to these questions will provide more information about your next steps. And you may be wondering if you have other harmful behaviors you might not know about. I unpack this further with my guest, Steve Ward of Steps Ministries. an addiction awareness program dedicated to helping you uncover your why behind what you do. It was a powerful conversation. Steve shared how three-fourths of his family struggled with addiction, and I opened up about a subtle addiction I uncovered in myself, my unhealthy attachment to a sweet non-alcoholic drink. I encourage you to check it out if this topic interests you. The link is in the show notes. Thank you for joining me today. Before we leave, I want to give you some helpful ways to continue discerning whether you are stuck in addictive behavior. Ask a trusted loved one to give you feedback about a specific thing you might be thinking you have an addiction to. Allow them space to be honest with you and truly listen as they share. If you are convinced you have a problem and need help, ask them to support you as you break free from this pattern. After these steps, or before, if you already know you have a problem, then you need to repent. Ask God to free you from this bondage and allow him to do the work only he can do for you. With these steps, you are on your way to healing. And if you need extra support right now, try the Retrain Your Brain series using the link in the show notes. The private podcast is a great way to open your eyes to helpful strategies for letting go of unwanted behaviors on your own timeline with encouragement and spiritual empowerment. Remember this truth. It will free you up. The only one we should seek approval from is our Heavenly Father. His heart for us does not change because of what we do or don't do right. Have a great day and remember, admitting it is the first step toward healing. I'll see you in the next mini-sode.