Speaker #1Hey, what's going on? My name is Tony Patrico and welcome to the You're Better Than That podcast. I've got a lot to get into today, so let's just hit you with the disclaimer as per usual. If this is your first time joining and tuning in, obviously the Man Dad Pod podcast with my dad, with Mary Beth, is kind of our main thing that we do here. But every once in a while, I just write stuff down. Like stuff that comes into my head. I just write stuff down. And again, the disclaimer, quote unquote, is that I'm not a mental health expert. I'm not a therapist. Hell, I'm a barely educated 39-year-old divorced guy who had a social media controversy that completely upended and changed my life forever. And the following is literally just that. The thoughts that live inside my head as part of my process of growing every day. I told myself that. I would say those thoughts out loud and maybe it could help someone who needs it and honestly even if it doesn't it helps me a whole hell of a lot and I just hope that some folks can get some benefit out of this. So kind of thinking back to all of that today what I want to kind of talk about is being vulnerable and as a guy I know that being vulnerable is one of the most back and forth things that fellas talk about. And even I fall victim into that chat a lot. Oh, look at the guy with his feelings and shit. What a wuss. But then when you're on the other side, it's the first thing you think of. Like, is really the first thing you think of? What a wuss? Or do you think, man, it's okay to not be okay right now? Because it plays a huge difference in how you really feel in the long term. And trust me, this is firsthand experience. For- I mean legit generations the world pretty much around us has painted a picture of guys of dudes that promotes strength and you know blocking out our emotions and men are often taught to be tough you got to be tough you're a tough dude be tough I say to my son all the time come on man be tough and honestly from a young age we're told to like hold back anything that we're feeling don't cry you don't cry you don't act like that that's weak you're being weak But it's like really looking at that like masculinity. It's not only outdated, but it actually hurts. And it actually affects people around you as well. Like we as dudes, we're always under the pressure to always be the strong guy and act tough and always be the alpha. We miss out on some pretty rad connections that come from really like letting your guard down. And I know vulnerability is like sometimes seen as weakness. But in reality, it takes a shit ton of courage to be open, to be honest about what you're feeling. And some researchers in the past, and yeah, I did some research, guys. I really did, have said that vulnerability is not a weakness. It's the most accurate measure of courage. And what does that mean? Well, when a guy allows themselves to be vulnerable, they open up that door to that true and authentic relationship. Guys have found that they have a drastically improved mental health and this is all part of it that I got hit hard with. They found a lot about themselves. Just think about it. I mean, if you really want to break it down, when someone shares when or what or even that they're struggling, they let you know about one of their weaknesses or even something that has them at not their 100% most them. It creates this safe space for everybody around you to do the exact same, which is kind of the reason that I do this podcast. Because driving in your car right now or listening to me talk to you from your speakers or your earbuds, you've already clicked this and you've already let your guard down. You're listening to this and you're taking in these words and hoping that something hits with you. you're okay with this because it's just me and it's just you. And actually, in reality, it's just you. I mean, this has been recorded a while ago. It's just you. I'm not next to you. You can't talk back to me, but you've let your guard down. And at least for the next 15 or so minutes, you will continue to leave that guard down. And that is a huge step. You started listening to this knowing that my dad is... Not going to be on here yelling and being his normal hysterical self. You took a shot. You started listening fully knowing that we're going to talk about some uncomfortable stuff and you might and probably will feel awkward. But you let your guard down and you press play. That's step one. And that's probably the most important step because you did something that society, your buddies, history in itself has told you that is out of the normal. Or even because you did something that might make you uncomfortable. It's right now in these moments that we truly see exactly who you are as a person. Now, before you keep listening and you say to yourself, yeah, sounds easy, but do I really feel that way? Listen, I can't live my life every day just walking around with my guard down. Sometimes you gotta have it up and that's okay. It's all about knowing when and where to not let your guard down. Sitting at your house and seeing a news story about a pro athlete like Michael Phelps or Kevin Love or even your favorite artist or actor, how they struggle with mental health issues and actually talk about it publicly, like that's rad. That's actually incredible. And yes, I'll admit when I hear someone taking a break from mental health reasons or canceling a show because of anxiety, it's real easy to put your guard up, call them a giant. baby, scoff at it, be pissed. But in reality, they're letting their guard down. They're being open, they're being honest, and they're allowing themselves to be open to change and to growth, which is huge. When a guy in the public eye or someone who's a public figure shares their struggles, what it does is it shows that everyone, regardless of your status, regardless how people view them, we all go through different challenges and vulnerability is a universal experience. It's a universal thing. So you're over there going, great, be more vulnerable. Sounds great. What the hell does that mean? And how do I do it? Well, I don't have that answer. And to be honest with you, if I did, then I wouldn't be doing this podcast in my office at my sports marketing job. What I would be doing is I would be a mental health expert or a medical professional, but... see back to the opening statement. I'm not. I don't do this for a living. I don't try and say that I have the answers that are going to help you. I can only go off of what I've experienced in my life, both prior and post radio career. And one thing that I know is when I would put up the biggest, strongest wall that I've ever put up in my entire life, it was almost impossible to be vulnerable in any way, shape or form. And Listen, to be completely honest, for a bit of time, I felt like a robot. Wake up, do my job, come home, go to bed, repeat. That is what I did. I didn't really want to talk to anybody. I didn't really want to laugh with anybody. All I wanted to do was exist. And I decided that maybe it was time for me to go back to counseling. And boy, did that set off a rocket. Because one of the things that my counselor, who is incredible, challenged me with is starting to let myself be a little bit more vulnerable for little amounts of times. So during lunch, I'd text with MB and I'd tell her how shitty I was feeling. I'd be at my folks and I'd talk with my mom about how much I miss my job being on the radio every day. I'd talk to my crew of buddies that I've had for almost 20 plus years and would tell them how much I miss the guys. that I saw every day of my life for 15 plus years in that office. And once I let my guard down and said these things out loud, I almost instantly started to feel better. It's almost as if having my guard up and blocking everything out of my world was also keeping everything in. It was a wall and you couldn't go that way or this way. Once I made the change, that wall started to come down. An hour turned into a few hours, that turned into a whole day, and now for the first time in my life, legit, and this is a real thing here, I feel like I have a really solid balance of not only allowing myself to be strong and to be stoic and put that guard up when needed, but also finding the right time to be vulnerable. And again, I'm no expert, but I did do some research from folks that are. experts. And here's my general like quick recap of kind of what I found on how can I do this? Because you can't just walk into a room and go, hey, everybody, vulnerable. I'm being vulnerable right here. That doesn't work. But what does is reaching out to your closest friend or to a family member. And when you say the words, do you have a few to chat? People already know what that means. If they say yes, they already accepting. the fact that you have decided to let your guard down and be vulnerable. That is your start. Another thing you can do, and I know this sounds simple, is listen. And not just hear, but listen. We hear things every day, but we very rarely listen. You listen to music, but when you're in your office and it's on in the background, or you're grocery shopping and it's playing over the speakers, you're hearing it, you're not listening to it. Start trying to listen, especially when you're talking with your friends. Hell, who knows? They may be the ones that put their guard down first, and then you find common ground, and then you do the same. Of course, now, if you're still struggling with being vulnerable and you can't let that tough guy persona fall, the next part isn't going to sound like an easy step, but it is. Go talk to somebody. Even if it's a counselor, a therapist, anybody that has a degree and gets paid for this. Go to them. And again, it ain't me, folks. You can't listen to this and go, wow, you changed my life. You could say that I helped you proceed in your journey to that next step, but I'm nobody. I'm telling you right now, I'm nobody. I'm just ranting about what's going on in my life and how I've dealt with it. In all reality, I look at my dad as a great example of this. My dad is 72 years old and my dad is stubborn as shit. And in those 72 years of his life, from what I've seen, this dude has cried four times in front of me and that is it. when his best friend died, when his mom died, whenever he has to put down an animal, and when I got fired. But at the age of 71, my dad went, talked to his doctor, and got him some help. And while he is still an unpredictable, stubborn asshole, self-admitted by the way, self-admitted, he is a totally different person. He let his guard down. And if he can do it at 70, you can do it right now. So as I kind of wrap this up, and again, I know this is me rambling. And this is how I've wanted to structure this. I didn't want to sit there and go, oh, examples and stats and this and that. This is literally something pops into my head. I pull up my phone. I open up the notes and I type it out. So as I wrap this up, remember, okay? Being vulnerable is not about showing every part of who you are. That's definitely not what it is. But it is about being open, being authentic, and sharing with the people that you trust. It's about recognizing that it's okay to feel, it's okay to struggle, and it's okay to ask for help. Like, you have to. If you break your knee, you break it, shatter it into a thousand pieces. You don't just go... I can take care of this. I'm just going to do this on my own. Not a chance. What you do is you literally go get help. And that's exactly what people can do with their mental health as well. Remember, it's okay to let your guard down. You're not alone at all. Some people struggle a little. Some people struggle a lot. But you are not alone. And if you let your guard down, you will see that firsthand. And as is a tradition here on this. portion of this podcast network, as you're trying to find that happy balance of allowing yourself to be vulnerable while also being the best dude that you can, when you start to fall back into that thought of letting your guard down and talking about your feelings and that being the sissy thing to do, just remember, again, I tell myself this all the time. You know, I know. people in your circle now.
