Transcription

• Speaker #0

  She spends decades learning how to support others only to discover the person she understood the least was herself. And that realization didn't break her work, it transformed it. So sit back, relax, and grab your favorite beverage and let's learn more about my next guest. See you there, everybody.

• Speaker #1

  the truth but only see what i'm sure got the freedom to choose but can't decide on my own follow what the group is thinking bottle up my intuition till it's popping out the box that i don't fit in i want to believe in the truth but

• Speaker #0

  hello and welcome back to another episode of the narrow diversion connection today i'm joined by carly faye welcome to the show carly hi thanks for having me so as i always do in the beginning of every show, I like to ask my guests, tell me a little bit about yourself.

• Speaker #2

  Oof, where do I begin? Is there any like a specific area that you'd like to know?

• Speaker #0

  Anything.

• Speaker #2

  I'm a functional diagnostic nutrition practitioner, which is a fun title to say. And I was a educator for 15 years before changing careers about four years ago. And my passion for in teaching was I love teaching. I had the add on certification endorsement to teach gifted and talented students. And so, you know, it was interesting because when I was student teaching, I found out about that and just like always had a desire to do it. So it was really cool once I kind of made my way up into the teacher world. And that became my last few years is where I spent most of my time.

• Speaker #0

  All right. So you. spent 15 years as a teacher focused on inclusion in classroom culture. If we stepped into one of your classrooms back then, what would we have seen about the way you approach students who learn differently?

• Speaker #2

  Oh, that is such a good question. You would have seen students working more in like little groups rather than me standing in front of an entire classroom. Depending on the moment or the day, I might have a group of students with me. But really, there was a lot of interdependence within the classroom, a lot of hands-on. Learning really became more about exploration, and it was really driven by student input and student curiosity. And I did a lot of activities where sometimes, you know, there'd be posters around the room and sort of almost like scavenger hunt type, you know, kids would move from space to space. They really had a lot of control over the order with which they completed tasks within the classroom. There were certain, you know, some days more than others, depending on what my job was to teach them that day. But overall, there was as much student empowerment and self-leadership inspiration within the four walls of my classroom.

• Speaker #0

  Now, what drew you into inclusion work in the first place?

• Speaker #2

  It's kind of like I just always gravitated. My mom was a teacher, so we used to go to school with her once in a while. Like just like as kids, we'd go and hang out with the kids in her class. And for some reason, I just always gravitated to like the kid that seemed to be either the underdog or off to their side or they gravitated towards me. And I always just had this desire to. make sure that they felt seen and valued and heard. And even I'd say like, even I remember a few, you know, in high school and middle school, I have like a few specific memories of specific people who looking back on it, you know, I would watch them being kind of spoken to in a way that I just didn't understand. And so I would always kind of like swoop in and stand up for them. And like, I don't know, we weren't like friends, like I didn't. you know, but I always just had this desire, I guess, because I always sort of felt like an outsider, but didn't always understand the reason why, because I was in like the friend group, I had friends, and I was pretty social. But I always just felt like slightly different than everybody else. And so I just always really related to that experience. Later in life, I found out why I related to that experience so much. But at the time going through it, I just had this deep core understanding of what it felt like to be misunderstood to be kind of like left out of things or not really understand what it is that I'm doing that is not fitting the social norms that, you know, I don't know. And I sort of skirted in the middle. So I was kind of one of those kids in school that Not that I went unnoticed, but I was like good enough or fine enough or, you know, it was pretty quiet and probably relatively in like elementary school, starting to gain a voice in middle school and high school. And I kind of just overcompensated sometimes by like talking back to the teacher rather than. But in terms of academics, I kind of just went under the radar. I wasn't like a great student, but I also wasn't the worst student.

• Speaker #0

  Now, would you say you were naturally drawn to the students who felt misunderstood?

• Speaker #2

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  Looking back now, do you see pieces of yourself in those students living with ADHD?

• Speaker #2

  Yeah. Well, oh, yeah. And even more so now. So just a few months ago, I got diagnosed with autism. And so I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was in college. At that age, I didn't care to be labeled with something that made me stand out from other people, made me feel different from other people. And I just never, it's kind of funny because it's almost like the ADHD parts of me just was like, oh, whatever. And I never read a book about it. It's such classical, unable to concentrate, didn't care about focusing on understanding the diagnosis and kind of rejecting it a little bit at that time. But like just a few months ago, I got the autism diagnosis and I was doing deep dives with reading about it and understanding it. So I kind of think it's kind of funny because it almost mimics the presentation of the differentials of the two different diagnoses. But yeah, so looking back on it, I think what I'm realizing is that especially with the way that my brain takes language in differently than other people, likely due to the fact that I have autism and I've always had it. I can like watch situations where kids are saying things and I'm understanding what they're saying. And the adult in the space is either like labeling them as like a liar or a manipulator. Or I see this happening in adult spaces as well. Or, you know, that kid just really gets under my skin or he's always crawling around. And if you just sit in his chair and I just don't I just feel like they're being so misunderstood. And then you're putting this label on them that's so negative. And then the. people around start to follow that label rather than that child and it I yeah I think I can relate to that experience I've definitely was called lazy a few times mostly well I won't say I won't name who but you know like one person can label you something and that label can stick and so you start to believe that you're the thing that they're saying that you are and then you become that

• Speaker #0

  Now, you've known about your ADHD for about 20 years. How did that diagnosis shape the way you understood yourself back then?

• Speaker #2

  So it's funny because I said I was kind of rejecting the label back then. But at the same time, I knew a lot about ADHD because I have very close relatives that have the diagnosis. And so it helped me understand why I can learn something and seem to really get it in class and then go home later. the test shows up and it's as if I never learned it to begin with. So it definitely helped me understand that the way that I learn and process information is different than my typical peers. And it helped me gain access to advocate for accommodation. So one thing that really works really well for me is one-on-one. So getting like a little bit of, especially if the person who's like tutoring or taking the time to teach me understands. my learning style and can make it a little bit more fun and engaging. So getting office hours with professors became something that I utilized a lot. And then also extended time really benefited me. I remember in college, so I got, I was, and I was also able to substitute certain coursework. I was able to substitute the math credential and the foreign language credential in college with alternative coursework and that. Then I graduated with a degree and went to graduate school and they were trying to kind of undo that and say that I needed to go back and retake those courses. And I was in graduate school to become a teacher. So at that point, I was able to kind of advocate for like 504 and ADA disability accommodations and got them. So one thing that I learned very much about myself, too, is that. When I'm provided the right tools and resources, like I can do, I'm very successful. the math class that I wasn't able that I wasn't able to do in college I was able to substitute with a college level equivalency like placement exam a CLEP exam and at that point I just was so I like I self-studied for it and I got extended time which was I don't even think there was a time limit on it and everybody was like walking out of the room and I remember thinking oh the person the teacher who's you know you tell the stories I have no clue what she was thinking but in my mind. I was like, oh, she's probably thinking that I have no clue what I'm doing and I'm wasting her time and I should just finish up and hurry up. And then two weeks, I think whatever a few weeks later it was that I got the test results back, I got in the 80th percentile.

• Speaker #0

  That brings up a great story. I mean, I remember, I mean, both you and I kind of think it was like in the ways of when we take on-time testings, when I take an on-time test, my mind goes all over the place. It's like, The minute I see, like you said, the minute you saw that one person get up and finish their test, you think, oh, great. What's that look on me? It's the same thing with me, except I think I don't think everyone else is taking the same exact test as me. I think everyone I think everyone's taking the same exact test. Not that everyone in that room is taking different tests. And the minute I see someone get up, I'm thinking, oh, crap. I'm going to be the last person in this room because I'm struggling with trying to understand what this is. And then I literally hurry up, hand it in and get the hell out of there thinking, thank God. And then I think later, God damn it, what did I do? And it's scary. People don't understand how our minds work. Because when it comes time to test taking, it's going to take us a hell of a lot longer to understand what the hell we're reading.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah, I mean, that really got put into perspective for me with the autism evaluation. It was like almost like comical at the realization of I always struggled with multiple choice tests. And I'd argue or in my mind, it was arguing with my teachers and I'd often get points back. And, you know, they think I was being argumentative, but like I wasn't like I really did not understand because the answer choice that I chose, like I could prove that it was correct. So anytime that I could prove that it was correct, most of the time I would get the point back, especially in high school. But you don't always because you're not always granted that. And the person who's receiving from you, the teacher or professor, doesn't always understand it the way that you're trying to explain it. So now you're taking somebody who has a difference in communication style, who now needs to be able to use that communication to explain why they're right. And it just becomes such an internal conflict. But it was so funny doing in my mind, I thought it was kind of funny doing the evaluation, the autism evaluation, because it's not that it's multiple choice questions necessarily, although parts of it were, but the every time she would ask a question, I'd answer it. And then in hindsight, I was like, I think, you know, I just took that so differently than it was like meant to be asked sometimes. And I was like, Oh, she probably just the way that I was asking clarification on the way she was asking the question, just like probably enough information for her.

• Speaker #0

  I mean, people don't understand when we do things, our mind is processing it so differently than the world. And classrooms aren't taught the way we, aren't taught the way that how our minds work. It's always linear. It's always, there's only one path to this answer where our mind thinks, no, there's multiple paths to this answer. We can get to this answer by a different way. But they won't accept that.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah, that's one of the things. So common core math is the math that they use now. There's a lot of scrutiny about it. And if you're a parent, it's kind of funny. You'll see on the threads or Facebook people posting questions about their kids mask and math and then sort of poking at it like what's this is ridiculous. When I was a child, this is how you solve math. But when I as a teacher, if you're teaching it well. The whole concept is that there's multiple ways to get to the same answer. And like, let's explore those ways. You don't have to master every single way to get to the answer. And when you teach from a place of exploration, curiosity, and fun, the kids find it fun. So as soon as you're like, oh, I don't understand this. This is not how we learned it in my day. Then the kids get frustrated because then they're going to take the cue from that and be like, well, then why do I have to learn it this way?

• Speaker #0

  Now, did it explain things that have been confusing before?

• Speaker #2

  Um, yes, I think I almost didn't realize how much I was struggling, especially because I was a teacher for 15 years. And so for those 15 years, I was in charge of what was kind of happening within my world. And I was working with children. So, you know, other than getting observations from principals or going to, you know, the interactions with adults outside of the classroom, majority of the day I was spending time with kids. I think I didn't really realize how much I struggled. I definitely noticed, you know, writing lesson plans was something that I always found very frustrating and very tedious and didn't, you know, didn't really understand. because it would take me so much time to do it, even though in my head I could understand it really well. And it was just the act of getting it out on paper. So at some point, I kind of ended up not needing to do it because I proved myself at that point. But generally speaking, it probably wasn't until I changed careers. I was now in charge of my entire day schedule, in charge of every life that I lived by myself, in charge of every life decision. And no longer had a structure to my day and was now really submersed in the world of grownups and adults in a working environment that I really started to notice the difference in the struggle. And that time I originally kind of thought it was just the life transition was a big one. There was I have an autoimmune condition that I found out about around that same time, which creates a lot. There's a lot of chronic fatigue. There was a lot of memories that... were coming back that were repressed, that was creating a lot of like CPTSD flare ups and symptoms. And I'd had that diagnosis earlier on, kind of forgot about it. And that was like all resurfacing all around the same time. So I was like, Oh, that makes sense. You know, I'm working through some trauma, I'm, I'm starting, I'm living life with an autoimmune condition, I had mold toxicity. So a lot of the symptoms are correlating to that. But then the more that I was healing, and the more that I was in spaces with other... like-minded individuals who are also doing like transformation journeys and healing journeys and processing emotions, I was just noticing something still really felt different about me, even with the clients that I work with, you know, I was watching their processing styles and guiding it and really starting to notice like which of my clients respond well to the type of coaching that I as a client respond really well to individualizing coaching. based off of my clients. And I was like, there's still just a piece that's missing. And a conversation that I had had with one of my friends really just kind of led me to the wondering if it could be autism. That was the missing piece. And it was.

• Speaker #0

  Were you still, were there still parts of you experience, were there still parts of your experience that ADHD alone didn't quite explain?

• Speaker #2

  Yes, there was a lot. So that was, I think that was one of the most eyeopening things is I was becoming good friends. One of my best friends has ADHD. And she's also a coach. That's how I met her. She's a nutrition, a functional nutrition coach. And I work with somebody who has ADHD and I was coaching clients who have ADHD at that time. And I was, it was like the first time that I was spending that much time with adults with ADHD. And. They were seemingly able to accomplish things with more ease than I was. I was trying hard not to compare myself because like you don't always see what's happening behind the scenes. And there's so many like ADHD really is its own sort of spectrum. But at the end of the day, again, it was like the way that I interpret things, they weren't interpreting them that way. control or like the nervous system dysregulation that I seem to get even like one of my friends who has ADHD also has CPTSD and she was like you know my nervous system just seemed to get triggered so easily and her you know other people like that wasn't something that I was necessarily noticing in people with ADHD and there was just it really came down to the filtration of the world. Like I just filter the world differently.

• Speaker #0

  No, it influenced the way you worked with students. Um,

• Speaker #2

  so I didn't know that I was autistic at the time when I was teaching. Obviously I was, well obviously to anyone who understands autism, you can only get the diagnosis of autism if there's evidence that you've had those markers your entire life. Um, having ADHD, having the ADHD diagnosis and just being who I am. right because I've always been who I am as a human. I definitely took my experiences in the classroom and wanted to make sure that I was providing a different type of environment for my students. Yes, I would say like more subconsciously it shaped the way that I taught, not as like a conscious choice. Oh, I, but I would share with them information. You know, I did at that time, I was very aware of the fact that the way that I process sounds seemed very different than other people. So when there was like a lot of sounds and a lot of noise in the classroom, I just would explain it to the kids. Like my brain does not know which one to focus on. Like, so if everyone's talking to me at once. I find that very challenging and they would be very respectful of it. And we'd, you know, Miss Lowenthal, guys, Miss Lowenthal can't process, you know. And then it would help me to help students who also had sensory sensitivities to help advocate for them. And usually it was a team effort within the classroom. I think it just allowed a lot of more open conversation to take the stigma off of it. And like, just really, this isn't something to have shame around. This is just the way my brain processes.

• Speaker #0

  Now, let's talk about your autism here. You were diagnosed autistic a few months ago. That's a big discovery at 41. What led you to exploring that possibility?

• Speaker #2

  It was really the culmination of watching myself go through healing the CPTSD and then working with functional nutrition and feeling what it felt like. almost to clear up some of the ADHD symptoms in a sense. And I don't like to say clear it up because I think that language can get very dicey. But to experience life with the ability to sort of manage and embrace my ADHD more authentically, that then kind of was starting to reveal the parts of me that were buried under all of that almost. Again, it was a lot of like the nervous system dysregulation that was going on and a lot of the recognizing I'm like, I can be slow to warm up. And it's like, I'm not even sure how to explain. I think I addressed some of that question a little bit earlier on. But yeah, it was just this nagging and like something is different about me. And, you know, other people like you. when you say that to people, they're kind of like, we're all human, like humans do this, humans that. I guess some of the other stuff that I was noticing is a lot of the blanket advice that's given when you're being trained as a coach or being trained as a nutrition practitioner, because I also do life coaching and I also do somatics and I also do emotional processing with my clients. But a lot of the advice that's given is counterintuitive to a neurodivergent nervous system and brain. And not only was it counterintuitive to like the parts of me that understood. developmentally appropriate education, but inherently as a client, I was what they would classically call like mismatching, but it was just not working. And it, and like trying to force it to work was creating a lot of dissonance between being able to heal and being able to embrace who I actually am.

• Speaker #0

  Was there a moment where something suddenly clicked?

• Speaker #2

  Hmm. There must have been. Because I remember very vividly having a conversation with one of my friends and we were resourcing one of her children and we were having conversations about kids with autism. And she had asked me if I had, she was like, do you ever wonder why you're so good with kids who are on the spectrum? And I was like, you know, I kind of have recently been wondering about that. And she was like, have you ever thought that maybe you're on the spectrum? And I know in that moment, I wasn't super shocked by the question. It was kind of like a relief. Oh, somebody else is noticing this also. And this isn't just in my head. And I'm not making this up. And so it opened and she was relieved also because she wasn't sure how that was going to land. So it's kind of more like, oh, funny you say that. I have been starting to wonder about it. I'm not I honestly don't remember how or where. it was that I started to wonder it, wonder about it other than I was working with somebody who has ADHD, the autism ADHD combo diagnosis. And I'm like, maybe I'm thinking I was starting to see a lot of similarities in the way that she was processed. I think that's probably what started to open up the conscious awareness of it is that I was working with a client who had ADHD and I was noticing a lot of similarities. in the way that she was processing and the way that she would like understand things to to mine but then when my friend asked me that question it like really opened up the two-way conversation of curiosity now

• Speaker #0

  what was the process of diagnosis like for you

• Speaker #2

  So the process of diagnosis went from kind of pushing away the wonderment of it to I was in a CPTSD flare up over the summer. And I was working with my own coach at that time. And she had me journaling on some questions because I was really, really dysregulated. And I was trying to sort through that dysregulation. And at some point I came to the conclusion that a part of me was wondering if I had autism and that squishing that thought down was like not fair to myself and like it would serve me to know one way or the other. So I ended up calling a few different evaluators and psychiatrists and I like was interviewing them because I do have the CPTSD diagnosis and I know a lot about trauma and the nervous system. I'm very well. resource like that is one of my areas of expertise as a practitioner I'm trauma trained I'm trauma informed I understand CPTSD from a nervous system standpoint I understand ADHD I've lived with it I've worked with students with it I literally have a master's degree in education and childhood development and so I was really looking for a practitioner who one understood the evolutions and understanding of how autism can present and not just the traditional little you know the traditional cliche presentation of it. And then that they would also be able to differentiate between what is CPTSD, what is autism, and that they were very much aware that I am not paying them to diagnose me or paying them not to diagnose me. Because I've heard stories where like, oh, you could just pay them and they'll give you the diagnosis that you're looking for. Like I wasn't looking for somebody to give me a diagnosis. I was looking for somebody to help me understand, is this what's actually happening or is it not?

• Speaker #0

  Now, when you finally received the autism diagnosis, what was your emotional reaction?

• Speaker #2

  It was very mixed, but I will say the most overlying thought was this. Everything finally makes sense. Now, I'm still I'm still on the journey of processing it. It's still very new. You know, it's remembering that I'm still who I am, like I am who nothing technically changed. about me other than finally getting like that missing piece. And then there is definitely like, there's definitely a grieving process that happens, a grieving of who could I have been had I known this sooner. There's a lot of trust and faith that kind of goes into that process of trusting and having faith that I wasn't supposed to have this information sooner. And if I was, I would have, I would have had it. There's definitely like fear of other people knowing. which is like also kind of strange because at the same time i'm still the same person that i've always been but then you put this label on it and then people can start seeing you as somebody different um which is something that i you know need to be careful about because as somebody who's autistic it's very easy to kind of jump off of somebody else's projection of you and then start to see yourself through their lens. And then you know it is like this unwinding of trying to figure out like well who am i like who do i want to be how do i you know you're i was very i've been very independent um but because of the way my job was i was being so supported and then i was also learning how to accommodate myself without realizing that that's what i was doing so it sort of explains this extreme fatigue that i've been experiencing over the last two years and put that into a lot of perspective that I can just own like I am a person with support needs. Like the only way you can get the diagnosis is by proving that you are a person with support needs. And I've been going like my whole life without having that understanding that, yes, everybody needs support in life. But literally, like I have a different and higher need for that support. And I've been operating as if I didn't.

• Speaker #0

  Now, were there childhood memories that suddenly made sense?

• Speaker #2

  Oh, yeah. That part is what's really interesting. So part of my evaluation process was an in-person interview with the evaluator. And so it was really wild. I do subconscious reprogramming with my clients where we do go back and kind of do memory reconsolidation stuff. And it becomes this, you know, it's emotional processing and energy, like, release. And it was like really fascinating because just in the process of being interviewed, I felt like I was going through through that in my mind where like memories were coming back. But I mean, like so one of the memories that that comes back is getting into a fight with my mom and not wanting to wear pants. And.

• Speaker #0

  literally getting like such a burning sensation on my legs from the seams of the pants. And I brought that up to her recently. And she's like, Oh, I thought you just liked to wear dresses because you were girly. And I was like, No, like, they really like it hurt. It physically hurt to wear pants. I sucked my thumb for forever. I learned out that that's like a stim. So that's self self soothing. It's, you know, it's a stim. So it kind of went unchecked because it's a different type of stimming. Oh, I had a memory come back. I wore orthotics in my shoes when I was like three or four, you know, so I completely forgot about that. And so it was just there is always something with the muscle tone and the arches of my feet. So that was very interesting to realize. Yeah, I mean, yes, a lot of memories started coming back.

• Speaker #1

  Now there's something really interesting about your own story. You spent years helping others with their support needs while missing your own autism. When you realized that, what went through your mind?

• Speaker #0

  So many things. I think that's one of the things about autism too, is it's really this nervous system that's acting very sensitive. So I tend to explain that when thoughts are going through my mind. so many thoughts at once, which is also part of the ADHD and then my nervous system. So I'm feeling all these emotions at once. So definitely was like a little bit of flooded with overwhelm of recognizing that I missed it. It seems to be a shared story with people. So that helped bring it down a little bit. It does. I mean, you do feel a little. discombobulated because it's kind of like how did I not know myself how did I miss this in myself um but it also was like oh that explains why I was so good at my job because I was I was a really good teacher.

• Speaker #1

  Were there moments where you thought how did I not see this before?

• Speaker #0

  Yes and then I reading some of the literature it was a little was really helpful because we just have so much more understanding of how autism can present, especially there's so much internalized for, it's more common in females. I try not to like genderize it because it can present, you know, gender non-binary and, and, and men can also have the same presentation. But generally speaking, it's explained as why so many females are late diagnosed and that it's more of an internalized experience through conditioning. We're kind of more conditioned to be people pleasers to conform to want to fit in socially um so that helped definitely grounds ground it into why did i miss this and also seemingly the people around me did it change the way you look at your own past career it helped me understand why i was so good at my job it also helped me understand why i saw things. in ways that just made so much sense to me, but then I couldn't get like the buy-in from either like co-teachers or the principal at the time, especially earlier in my career. Once I was more established later on, I was like highly respected to come up with some of the decision-making to, to be more independent with my own class. But what was the question?

• Speaker #1

  Were there moments where you thought, how did I not see this before?

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. No,

• Speaker #1

  did it change the way you look at your career, your past career?

• Speaker #0

  Yes. And then, so, yeah, and then there's parts of me that are a little bit more kind of, how can I bring this back into coaching? Because I think once I left teaching, I've sort of fragmented the part of myself that was a teacher. Sometimes you kind of have to do that just so that you can submerge yourself in learning. about the new things that you're learning about. So I was learning about functional nutrition, I was learning about emotional processing. And I was really wanting to step into this identity that sort of detached myself from being a teacher. And the diagnosis really has had me come a little bit back full circle and own the parts of myself as a coach who's just naturally pretty good at differentiating. I think I had gotten a little bit harder, like, you know, a little bit more like I kind of lost parts of what made me such a good teacher that I did originally start out with in the coaching world and how I approached my clients. I think over the last year or so, parts of that started to fall back as I adapted to what I thought was how I should be speaking. And the diagnosis just helped me reconnect with what I loved about myself as a teacher and remember to bring that to my clients.

• Speaker #1

  Now you mentioned something powerful, allowing yourself to be someone with needs. That could be a big shift for people who spend their lives helping others. What has that process been like for you?

• Speaker #0

  um I'm still trying my best to rewrite that story because even as I'm getting support I have a lot of insecurities around that and it's like so funny because I'll still very easily offer up support you know to friends and then they return the favor or like they offer support to me and it's not necessarily like the favor but then I'm like uh-oh what do they think about me I should be able to do this by myself and all those things um it has brought in a lot of gratitude right so I Because some of my friends without me even asking are sort of showing me how my needs can get met. So like one of my friends I was talking to the other day about something that I like an application that I'm looking to fill out and some steps I'm looking to take to further my career down a certain pathway. And I just mentioned to her, yeah, but once I get to that step, like I don't. know what to do and I got frozen and she's like well when you get to that step I'll just guide you and I was like my whole nervous system just breathed but I didn't it's like weird because you kind of don't really see that you have choices and options so you don't know to ask for them sometimes and then to get met I think that's when I'm watching you know on like TikTok and like socials and I'm listening to podcasts and hearing other people's stories even with my own clients about their self-discovery journey. And then they're sharing that information with their family and their friends. And a lot of them are being met with such rejection. I just become so grateful because the diagnosis has brought me closer to the people in my life that matter. And, you know, it came as a shock to some of them because I wasn't sharing those parts of the journey necessarily the whole way through. until the reveal. And even some people that I meant to, you know, I kind of wanted to have a one-on-one conversation with, I didn't. So they found out through social media. But it's really been this opportunity to build conversation and then allow myself to be the person who this conversation is centering on.

• Speaker #1

  Did it change the way you advocate for yourself?

• Speaker #0

  Yes, I'm still coming to peace with that. I'm finding ways to do it a little bit softer. It's helped me, especially through processing through it and like kind of understanding the physicality of the nervous system in the body. It's, I've been able to understand what my body is saying. That's allowing me to know that there's something here that I need to be speaking up about or like advocating on, or like, this is my no, this is, this is making me uncomfortable. And then sort of getting over myself in those situations, because what I've... also figured out is that when my intention is coming from a heart-centered place and even when you're like super dysregulated and I think some of the unfortunate parts about it is when you're super dysregulated you don't always have control over the way that you're presenting yourself but when I'm advocating for myself it's so important to do that because the way that I'm met in that gives me so much information about the relationship whether it's a doctor whether it's a friend whether it's a family member whether it's just a neighbor you know no matter who it is if i'm being 100 authentically myself and then authenticating and then advocating for myself the way that i'm met and that gets like now i'm in a place now where i can realize if my needs can't be met like i need to find somebody else who can meet those needs or just recognize like Maybe this isn't the most appropriate setting for those needs to get met, but it gives me so much information that I can work with rather than before. And this has happened like over years, even though I didn't know the autism part until recently. Sometimes you're working on it, but you don't know that you're working on it because you don't always have to have the label to work with what's happening in the nervous system in the mind. But like in the past, I was, you know, I cared so much about how I was being perceived and if I was being liked that I would. override and overcompensate at the sacrifice of my own inner safety. And I'm like not willing to do that anymore.

• Speaker #1

  Today you work as a life coach and a functional nutrition coach. How has understanding your own neurodivergence changed the way you support your clients?

• Speaker #0

  It has really brought me back to the place where they are in charge of their journeys. And I'm here to help guide them through that journey. So it's and then it's also recognizing that I'm I've once I started really studying functional nutrition and realizing what a huge role the lifestyle shifts can make on the way somebody feels. I also realized that the nervous system and the mind need to be resourced as well. And that certain people process more top down, other people process more bottom up. And so I really differentiate myself by making sure that I can quickly like switch and have flexibility to meet the person where they're at, not where I want them to be. Because like where I want them to be might not even be where they want to be going. So I kind of don't even have an ex I've released like expectation. It's more focused on. the relationship aspect of it and then attuning to the client that's in front of me and really creating this environment where the, like the, I mean, my goal for anyone that comes across my roster, I guess, would be that they leave feeling good about who they are. at the end of the day. Like if that's all I do is provide a place where the person feels met and attuned to and gains self-esteem and self-worth and whatever else happens after that, like that's my job is done.

• Speaker #1

  Has it made you more compassionate towards certain struggles?

• Speaker #0

  Yes. It's made me way more compassionate towards people who come to me in like what I call stuck states. um it's helped me meet them again like more with also probably alleviating a lot of the expectation because some clients don't do the best with homework and it's definitely helped me understand um nervous system states and understanding like where is the person at in their nervous system to make sure that whatever i'm expecting or they're choosing to do, even if they don't do it, that's okay. Like, let's, let's, that becomes something that we get to figure out together. And just, again, like, it's so much about just meeting them where they're at.

• Speaker #1

  When you look back at your years in education through the lens of neurodiversity, what do you see differently now?

• Speaker #0

  I see. the importance of differentiated instruction. I see a child who had needs that didn't get noticed or met. I see a girl who somehow figured out has a lot of grit. And I just, there's still a lot of holes in the education system, but the It's unfortunate. There's a lot of holes in the education system and there's unfortunately not enough support for teachers to really usher them in. But one of the biggest things in the education system, especially when I was going through it, was there was not the type of differentiation that I was giving to my students did not exist. So getting pulled into small groups and I got lost in whole group instruction unless I was really. interested in the topic. So the biggest shift I would say is it's a student. It needs to be a student-driven world, not a teacher-driven world.

• Speaker #1

  Now, were there students who came, who come to mind right away?

• Speaker #0

  Oh, yes. I still am in good relationship with some of their parents.

• Speaker #1

  Are there things you wish schools understood better about neurodivergent kids?

• Speaker #0

  Yes, I wish that they understood that those kids are not trying to be whatever the teachers or the stuff like they're not trying to be that kid. And also, it's easy to notice the loudest kid in the room. But sometimes you also like it's very easy to miss the quietest student or the student who's just complying or is getting by. So it's such a wide spectrum. And so none of the you know, it's like you have to kind of look. Every child has different developmental needs. And then the kids who tend to get singled out are really being so misunderstood. They want to learn. Kids are curious. So if the child is not in the energy of curiosity, there is something deep going on there. And that child is asking for you to notice them and asking for love.

• Speaker #1

  What would real inclusion look like to you?

• Speaker #0

  I've seen it before. So class sizes need to be smaller. The culture of the classroom, it starts with the person in charge who's leading. So you're leading practices that allow children to develop the skills to embrace and appreciate the differences and the biodiversity amongst humans in general.

• Speaker #1

  It's only been a few months since your autism diagnosis. How are you beginning to understand yourself differently now?

• Speaker #0

  I am understanding that... I am very socially motivated. I am noticing one of the things that I really kind of when I look back and zoom out, I've very, I've always been very good at self advocating. And so one of the things that I'm learning to do is maybe do that in a little bit more of a graceful way. And that there are signs that. my nervous system for the most part there are signs that my nervous system might be starting to get um dysregulated and so i can kind of mitigate that a little bit sooner and that having things that bring me comfort is like okay there's nothing wrong with that so um my brain just processes things differently than most people's do so it's actually kind of cool it can get frustrating because It's hard to sometimes explain yourself when you see things differently. And sometimes things just make so much sense to me that don't make sense to other people. And because majority are seeing it one way, they might like assume that I'm just not understanding. But then the reverse can also happen where because I understand it differently, like I need to kind of humble myself and take a cue. And I think I've just learned so much patience over the past few years. And so allowing myself to have that patience with myself is one of the... steps that I've sort of been embracing more that I kind of need to have more patience with myself. I need to be nicer to myself. I need to allow myself to just be who I am. And so that's really been a journey of re-meeting myself, finding those parts of myself that I love. And then the parts of myself that maybe I don't like so much, it's like allowance to just let them be who they are because It's not me that doesn't like them. It's society who conditioned me to think I shouldn't. Oh, actually, one of the biggest shifts has been from trying to like heal myself, like heal the things that are different about me to learning how to just like love those parts of myself. There's nothing wrong. Like, I don't need to be healed. I need to be back in good relation with myself.

• Speaker #1

  Are there traits you're learning to accept instead of fighting?

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. I'm learning to accept that I am sensitive. My sensors are very sensitive. That was something that was very eye-opening from the evaluation. So, you know, sometimes it's not that you missed things about yourself, but it's you've only ever been yourself. So I can't... I can compare from like what someone externally is expressing, but I have only ever heard things the way I hear them. I've only smelled things the way that I smell them. I've only tasted things the way I taste them. So when I'm told I'm like exaggerating about certain things, I have no way of knowing that that's not true because my lived experience is on a, like a bigger level or on the opposite. Sometimes I'm numbing stuff. And so it takes a while, like four weeks later, I might. process something i'm like oh actually you know that really bothered me like five weeks ago and the other person's kind of over it and forgot that it even happened um so i'm definitely um coming into i don't even remember the question was but um

• Speaker #1

  something along the lines of of like yeah what was the question how are you being to understand yourself differently now okay i am

• Speaker #0

  Understanding that sometimes I think I want support in the moment to help me process something, but what my nervous system actually needs is just co-regulation. So I'm understanding that co-regulation is really important for me. And that can become challenging because I live by myself. And so that's something that, again, is just like a practice of communication and thinking about how I'm going to get it, but then allowing it to happen. And then I'm also really learning that my gut instincts and the things that I wasn't so sure about are pretty accurate. So really learning that my instincts are pretty spot on.

• Speaker #1

  Has it changed your sense of identity?

• Speaker #0

  I'd say when I first got the diagnosis, it shook me. And so there was definitely a lot of insecurity that was coming with it. Within the last month, I know it's still pretty recent, it is helping me to find that confidence again. So in the short term, it was kind of like this. You know, it's like the thoughts that I had about myself really helped me understand, well, if I'm thinking that about myself, there's still work to be done about the way I'm thinking about other people. And that was a very humbling experience because I was like, I don't want to be viewing other people the way that my mind is like making myself to mean because all of a sudden I have a name to the way that I've always been my entire life. And so it's, it's helping me refine again that parts of me that are just so compassionate, so understanding. and re-evaluate and then step back into a place of personal power and my confidence and really just backing myself up and having my own back.

• Speaker #1

  What has been the most eye-opening realization so far?

• Speaker #0

  That I'm not crazy and it's not all in my mind.

• Speaker #1

  Is the younger version of you you sitting in the classroom years ago could see you now, understanding your own neurodivergence, what do you think she would say?

• Speaker #0

  That's, you know, there are parts of me that I think she would be the leader on that part, where like, she'd want to kind of take me and just show me like, just have fun, like loosen up, like live in the moment, like we've got this. And then there's you know, there's other parts that she'd get to see where she would just be so proud of the fact that I'm, I've, I've like really stayed true to this, this version of who I just am at my core that just sees everybody through this lens of like possibility and love and, and understanding. And I've always kind of had this weird ability to take like, even like the quote unquote, like darkest souls and like have compassion for them. One thing that I'm learning now as an adult is like compassion doesn't mean that I have to keep that person in my life. And so I think she would be really proud of the boundaries that I've learned to kind of put up for myself and the ability to walk out of or away from situations that don't serve me anymore. And for that, I think she would just be so grateful. Like the trust that I have in my ability to discern what serves me and what doesn't serve me. And then I think she'd think it was pretty cool that I own my own business.

• Speaker #1

  So for teachers, coaches, coaches, or service providers listening who might quietly wonder if themselves are neurodivergent, what would you want them to know?

• Speaker #0

  Most people who wonder about themselves, there's something there that's, that's an intuition. So it doesn't always lead exactly to the same outcome that you're like wondering about. But if you're wondering something about yourself, there's something there that's worth following.

• Speaker #1

  And finally, where can people find out more about you online?

• Speaker #0

  They can find me on Instagram at at CarlyInFocus. And my website is www.CarlyInFocus.com.

• Speaker #1

  And that was Carly Faye. I'm Reid Miles. Stay curious. Stay fearless. And remember, wherever you are, you're never alone. See you in the next time. Thank you, Carly.

• Speaker #0

  You're welcome. Thank you.

• Speaker #2

  Hey Stuck with the voice away Felt alone almost every day Stories trapped inside my mind No one listening, truth confined I walked out the outside the fear, found the courage to make it clear. Now I'm here with my kitten hands, inside the studio, take a stance. I can hear the forest dance, rise and go. Every story we all know Be a sound that'll let us show Inside the studio, watch us grow The stories that feel so right Sharing truth in the morning light No speed and nothing too high We stand together side by side

• Speaker #0

  Here's to life from far and near Sharing wisdom we hold dear you

• Speaker #2

  The laughs and tears, the highs and lows Every tale a seed that grows We talk our life, we talk it all Celebrate deep, rise and fall Neurodivergent, brave and true Inside the studio,

• Speaker #1

  voices new

• Speaker #2

  I hear the voices rise and blow Every story we all know Be stop and let it show inside the studio watch us grow for some reason it feels so right sharing soup in the morning light no I see nothing too high we stand together side by side inside this place Oh, oh, every flight space Oh, oh, and I'm seen Inside the studio you're free This is the right. Sharing truth and learning lies. No one's needing an open to hide. We stand together side by side. For some reason. feels so right sharing truth in the morning lights no last need nothing too high we sat together side by side for some reason it feels so right sharing wisdom we hold dear laughs and tears the highs the Every tale a seed that grows