Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Hi and welcome to Prescribing Possibility, conversations that inspire us to grow,

• Speaker #1

  heal, and live with harmony. I'm your host, Dr. Dimpna Weil. Thanks for joining me, friends.

• Speaker #0

  Well, thank you for being here on the Prescribing Possibility podcast. So before we kind of really get into all the things going on in your world, I am curious and want to just ask, like, how are you For real, not the polite version like you say, you know, to people in the grocery store, but you know, you've recovered from surgery, you are about to release a new book into the world. How are you holding all this?

• Speaker #1

  I am currently exhausted, but it is, it's a welcome kind of exhaustion. Yeah, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of this year and have undergone three separate surgeries. in a short period of time. And I am thankfully grateful, cancer free, and have hopefully turned the page on this particular medical chapter of my life. And, but I do feel like it has impacted my energy a bit. And then yeah, going into launching it, launching a book is not for the faint of heart.

• Speaker #0

  And this is your second go round. Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  Yes, yes. So I was actually talking to someone yesterday, they were like, you know, how do you feel? Because now you, you know, sort of what to expect. And I was like, yes, but I am, I have very high expectations for myself. So I'm like, yes, I know, this time around a better idea of what to expect. So now I just expect more of myself.

• Speaker #0

  Yes, I get that.

• Speaker #1

  Highly problematic. I think I need to, I'm trying to practice being more present and appreciating where I am today because you know, if I had envisioned my life five years ago and saw where I am today, I think I would be pretty proud.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. You know, it's interesting that kind of ties into the themes of your new book, The Luckiest. I haven't had an opportunity to read it yet. It comes out a few weeks from when we're recording this, but it's the idea of nesting and like the future versions or the past versions of your child. So that is a curious topic for me. Like. How do you think the old Kelly or the former Kelly versions, right? What would they say to you right now with where you're at?

• Speaker #1

  You know, it's interesting because I see all of these different past versions of myself. And whether I'm looking at those past versions based on the career I was in at the time, or where I was living at the time, or how old I was at the time, each of those layers of myself has brought me to where I am today. All of those bumps, bruises, and scars, they all impact. So whether it's the positive pieces of that or the negative pieces of that, all of that brings me to where I am today. And I have to admit that where I am is a pretty wonderful place to be. I feel very fortunate to be where I am. That's not to say that there aren't a whole handful of things that I wish that I could change as to what I've been. I've gone through and experienced, but, but I don't get here without all of that. And I, you know, I think the previous versions of Kelly would, I think they would be pretty proud of me. I think they would be a little shocked at where everything turned out because it was not the plan. I mean, you know, I came out of college and was pursuing an acting career. I then transitioned into hospitality so that we could, it was coordinating and selling events for Tom Colicchio's restaurant group so that we could have health insurance and buy a house and start a family. And I thought that that was going to be my path, that I was going to be a director of sales or director of operations or something along those lines. And then I left that career to support our family when my husband, Miguel was cast as Hamilton in on Broadway and in Chicago. And. So, you know, all of these different like drastic pivots in career, but also in my personal life going from, you know, just being on my own in New York City to being married to having one child, two children. But the how that balance of of family and work and and now my family is my work. and it's, yeah, I think. I think the different Kellys would be surprised, but I think they'd be proud of of where I've come and and what I've turned it all into.

• Speaker #0

  I mean To be able to pivot, as you say, from what you were envisioning to becoming a full-time caregiver, which for those who don't know this story, your daughter Adelie was born with some significant health challenges. And that's really the basis of Normal Broken, which was to kind of talk about the grief when she passed just before she turned four. And I know it was just her.

• Speaker #1

  10th heavenly birthday that's friday she would have turned 10 and the sunday before that was the anniversary of her passing so i call that my hell week because it's just this all of the emotions i try and separate the two anniversaries as much as possible and let the death day be what it is and allow all of the emotions that i try and because now we're six years out and so i I'm better at processing a lot of those emotions. And I find that at this place in my grief, sometimes I sort of compartmentalize them or push them aside to live life, which is not something I could do early in my grief, but now it is. But on her death day, I sort of just let the floodgates open and let myself feel everything. And then ideally on her birthday, we get to celebrate her and love her. And, you know, it's all still bittersweet. But I try and let that day be, you know, the more joyful reminders of her life.

• Speaker #0

  It's such a beautiful idea and concept. And I read about that on Inchstones, your sub stack. And I was just so moved to look at things that way. You know, I'm curious in that role of caregiver, because that's something I'm very interested in. Thank you. Thank you. care provider, but pivoting to other things where I had to kind of care for myself. That's a whole other can of worms, right? So how did that, how did that change things moving forward for you? Like, how did you embrace the role? Was it difficult, challenging, all of the above?

• Speaker #1

  I did not embrace the role. It took me about a year to come around and accept. that this was my new job and that this was my role was being Adelaide's full-time caregiver. And I think maybe that sounds harsh because I love my daughter and I don't, I would have felt immense guilt if I wasn't the one who was taking care of her. And I, you know, and so I'm incredibly grateful that my husband's job allowed me to be able to do that in hindsight. But the reality of the situation was I didn't have a medical background. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't familiar with the healthcare system. And so it is this overwhelming crash course. Meanwhile, my daughter is experiencing all of these seizures. She's not meeting milestones. We don't have a diagnosis. We don't really know what's going on. And so there's the emotional piece. There is the crash course in the American medical world. And then on top of that, I really was grieving. the professional woman that I was, the side of me that I had loved. I loved being my family's sugar mama. I loved that I got to buy. It was my income that allowed us to buy our first house. I loved having that side of my identity and it was taken. Because I needed to, you know, I had these other responsibilities. Now I needed to care for Adelaide and I needed to grieve that, that there was a side of me that went away and I had to grieve that loss. And so much of that grief was resisting the change in my life. I hadn't chosen it. And so it felt very forced upon me. And so it did, you know, I, I had to come to terms with that loss and it was not easy. and It took a solid year until I could find my power in being a caregiver. And a lot of that came with becoming more comfortable talking to doctors, learning the vocabulary, teaching myself how to read her test results, becoming more comfortable with pulling up white papers on PubMed, and then having Google open next to it. googling every other word that I didn't understand so that I could try and understand my my daughter's condition better but as I started to feel like I had more control certainly not over her health I couldn't control any of that but I could control the doctors that she was seeing I could control the amount of knowledge that I had I could control the therapies that she was involved in and you know I'm I could fight the pharmaceutical companies and the health insurance companies and the early intervention services and make sure that she had all of the support that she needed. And so when I found my power and my knowledge in the pieces that I could control, that was when the shift happened and I was better able to own that caregiver piece. And it also, I think that also came hand in hand with the advocacy work that I did because I couldn't, no matter what I did, I couldn't get Adelaide. I couldn't make her better, but I could raise money for research that maybe could do that in the future. And also in doing the advocacy work, I got to be Kelly and I got to have a voice that wasn't just Adelaide's mom or Hamilton's wife. I got to be Kelly again, and that was really empowering as well.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. Gosh. a lot of that just like stung for a variety of reasons but that idea of making the pivot because you had to and not necessarily that you chose to right that I feel like there are so many people can identify with that like thematically in their life I know I can you know I didn't want to leave medicine.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  I had to for medical reasons, right? So not being the one to make those decisions it is there is a lot of resistance and you know it doesn't have anything to do with like you were saying about not wanting to care for i had nothing to do with it it's the choice yeah of leaving what was everything your identity right yeah so i'm curious you've mentioned now you're you got to just be kelly right who is kelly now and can you tell us about her? Like the luckiest, let's dive in.

• Speaker #1

  You know, it's, it's in writing the luckiest. I, and I didn't realize this at the time I sort of wrote, I set out to write this as this pursuit of self to try and answer that question. Who am I now after all of these experiences? Who am I? Who do I want to be? And it was this. really amazing revelation to realize that we are constantly becoming, that we are never, you know, this idea of coming of age is this constant evolution, and I am always becoming that next layer. And so Kelly today is a different person, has a different goal every day. currently those goals mostly rely on getting word about this book out and being the author and being the marketer. But tomorrow I fly to Chicago to go sit in a board meeting for Cure Epilepsy and help guide that organization and make sure that we're doing everything that we can for medical, for epilepsy research. The next day, I will put on my hat for the Undiagnosed Diseases Network Foundation and make sure what we can for fundraising for that organization. And so it's interesting because I think about last night I gave a speech for a grief organization here in New Jersey, Good Grief, and the support families and children who have lost someone. And so I think about actor Kelly and I'm like, I was using those skills last night on stage to give a speech and perform. And then I think of the director of sales, Kelly. her skills are being utilized on these nonprofit boards as I'm trying to fundraise and help host events. I think of caregiver Kelly and everything that I learned with Adelaide and that colors every single thing that I do in my life now. And I love that because that's how I get to bring Adelaide forward with me. That's how I get to keep her memory alive. But it's more than that. I I can't have her with me physically, but everything I do these days is touched by her. And in doing so, I get to talk about her, which I absolutely love and adore. So it's really a wonderful thing that I can look back on all these previous versions of myself and see how all of those women are still with me today. They are still impacting every single activity that I do today. And it just, feels real like I am where I am supposed to be right now. I certainly wish that my daughter was here with me in a physical capacity, but I feel like I'm where I'm. meant to be.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. Oh, that's so beautiful. My question, I guess, you know, I'm curious when you, when you talked about caregiver Kelly in that timeframe, you know, who was, I am always fascinated by this because I know it's a, it's a topic in, in our world right now. Like, how did you get cared for yourself? Like, how did you take care of yourself? Did you?

• Speaker #1

  I, the, the, I think that this is such a challenging question because I don't think we always understand what care for ourselves looks like.

• Speaker #0

  Yes.

• Speaker #1

  Because, you know, previously self-care was like going and getting a massage or getting your nails done. That's not self-care, that's maintenance, right? So what is self-care? Then people are like, well, I need respite. I need to go on a vacation. But when you're a caregiver, that's not always an option. And so that feels unattainable for me what was respite what or you know the ways that I took care of myself was having a girlfriend come over and we would order in food so no one was thinking about dinner we'd make margaritas and you know we would watch a stand-up special on tv or just something mindless that we could laugh to And Adelaide is still there. I'm still caring for her. I'm still giving her her meds and doing all of that. But it is the camaraderie and support of not feeling like I'm doing that alone.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  And so that to me, it was also, you know, one of my best friends was when we were in Chicago during my daughter's life. She's back in New York. And... You know, we texted almost every single night, just checking in on each other. She had just lost her mother. I'm navigating everything with Adelaide. And so we were both deeply in need during this time. And it was just checking in with each other, you know, bouncing ideas off of each other, helping each other navigate these difficult times. It was, for me, one of the best resources for self-care. They were my female friendships.

• Speaker #0

  That's a very powerful statement. And I couldn't agree with you more that, you know, self-care is so deeply personal. It's whatever fills you up. It's whatever gives you that energy and that boost that you need. Right. And so everyone's going to have a different answer to that. And there is no right and wrong. I think that's important for caregivers to know too. Like you're not ever doing it wrong.

• Speaker #1

  No.

• Speaker #0

  You never feel that way.

• Speaker #1

  I would feel very torn at times because our life in Chicago while Miguel was Hamilton had very glamorous elements to it. Where, you know, Miguel is singing the national anthem on Monday Night Football or we're at some like multi-million dollar person, you know, apartment. you know, for a dinner or something, or, you know, we're attending these fancy galas or events. And, you know, and meanwhile, I'm texting with our babysitter who has to be a nurse, you know, about how many seizures Adelaide has had since we've been gone. And so there was definitely moments of guilt there where I questioned if my time away from her and but I would also argue that a lot of those activities were supporting Miguel. And our marriage was, and keeping that strong and healthy and supporting him in what he was doing was also incredibly important. And so it can be very easy as the caregiver to feel like we need to be, you know, channeling. 95% of our energy into this person that we're caring for. But the reality is that there are so many other people in our lives that we also need to channel energy toward. And that was also my marriage. I needed to make sure that our marriage was strong because our home life was very stressful. And so making sure that we had those moments together, even though those date nights looked far more glamorous than they do today. Having that time together was incredibly important as well. But in the moment, there was definitely some self-questioning as to whether I was doing the right thing.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah, I mean, that's an interesting, you know, I'm just imagining, you know, you are an actor by... training and desire right and now the yellow's on stage and was there ever a point where you were just like should we just switch for a little bit oh my gosh i resented him so much in the beginning it was really

• Speaker #1

  really hard i remember there was one night i mean we'd probably been it it was still early in chicago the show had just opened i mean he's on the cover of magazines with Lin-Manuel Miranda. There's commercials on the TV and I'm at home with the kids. I've just set up Adelaide's like nighttime feed and put Jackson to bed and I'm laying in bed exhausted. And he texts me that he's going out for drinks with someone after the show. And I'm like, well, that must be nice. Like,

• Speaker #0

  yes,

• Speaker #1

  must go out for drinks and not have to. I'm like, because... If I wanted to do anything, that required me finding a babysitter who was a nurse.

• Speaker #0

  Right. Yeah. I mean, that's quite a difference there. Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  And so I had less, my resentment or jealousy for his life came less from him being on stage or what he was doing. And it was more for the freedom that he had in his life to make choices and with his schedule. And that was really hard. to accept and come to terms with. And we found better balance later on. But again, that took time to figure out what that balance looked like and to make sure, you know, we had to, we ended up putting medication schedules up on the fridge. So I could be like, you know what, I need to go take a walk. I'm going to go shopping. I'm going to go step out of the house. And I have to be able to trust you that you can take care of our daughter. here's her schedule, here's her routine. And I would update it every time there was a med change because I was like, no, you are also responsible for your daughter.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah, no, that is such an, I think that is a very powerful point right there. Because as caregivers, you can take it all on yourself. And then even though there are people around us who want to support us, right, maybe we don't even like take advantage of that or utilize those resources, because it's just easier if I do it.

• Speaker #1

  And trusting someone else to do it correctly is also really hard. And especially when the stakes are so high, when you're talking about some severe medical complexities. But it is so incredibly important that we build the trust and we write the instructions down and we cannot do it all. One person cannot do it all when it comes to taking when it comes to caregiving at that level. And, yeah, you have to build that trust. you have to build that community. You have to build those reserves.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. You refer to it as the garden, right?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  The garden of people that you planted with Adelaide. And how has that garden grown and maybe shifted in the last few years?

• Speaker #1

  It's really beautiful to see like all of the people that we sort of, you know, these relationships and these friendships that have grown and you know and it has been six years since she passed and so you know some of that some of those relationships sort of shift but you work hard on the ones that are really important we also left Chicago and moved away from you know where that garden was originally planted but it's been really incredible to see as we make new friends and it's you know and we tell them about Adelaide And. Every year we have like a small gathering at our house around her, usually the Sunday after her birthday. And we sing happy birthday and eat cake and release ladybugs. And, you know, not, I would say maybe half the people at the little party now, they never knew her, but they're helping us keep her memory alive even beyond that because they love us. And by extension, they love her, even if they never met her. And so it's a a beautiful thing to be able to continuously plant those seeds and see them grow and see people care and love her, even if they never met her.

• Speaker #0

  I just have chills. It's just a beautiful metaphor and a really beautiful way of looking at the support that's right in front of us, right? And gardens are beautiful. Like we have a beautiful support system right there, but it's hard to tap into at times. So I love that. That's the way you describe that. When did you know it was time to write a new book?

• Speaker #1

  So this book, The Luckiest, has been in me. in various iterations for years. In fact, I probably, I wrote a version of the luckiest before I ever wrote Normal Broken because it was actually part of my therapy, my personal prescribed therapy after Adelaide died because I was, one of my biggest fears after Adelaide passed away was that as time went on, my memories of her were going to fade. And that's the reality. Time is a memory thief. There's nothing we can do. The edges of these memories dull or they shift or we remember them differently. And I was terrified of that. So I decided to sit down and write the story of her life as I remembered it within the first year after she passed, because I wanted to make sure that I still had all of those memories fresh, that I had a document to go back and look on. And at first I thought that that was the book that I would publish. And then in time, I realized that that was more for me, that that was personal. That was for me. That was part of my healing. And then I had finished. I wrote Normal Broken. And it wasn't long after that that I read Maggie Smith's book, We Could Make This Place Beautiful. and in that is... She said, we are all nesting dolls carrying the previous iterations of ourselves inside of us. And that concept spoke to me so clearly because of all of these careers I've had, because of all of these places I've lived, because of all of the different iterations of the way that my family has looked from just having our son to Jackson and Adelaide to back to just Jackson and then adopting our daughter, Anessa. And so there's just all of these layers. and I I can segment my life in so many different ways. There's just, there's been very little continuity.

• Speaker #0

  So

• Speaker #1

  I, I, that, I read that quote and I was like, that's it. That's the structure for The Luckiest. So every chapter became a different layer, a different version of Kelly, a different lesson that has impacted me and, and gotten me to where I am today. and And so it was pretty soon after I finished the book tour with Normal Broken that I sat down with my agent and was like, okay, but what do you think about this? Because I always wanted to write this book. I always wanted to share Adelaide. And I just think I had to come to a place where I needed more time to come to a place where she wasn't the full. center of the story. Early in my grief, I needed her to be. And now I can see that I was a whole person before I had her and I continue to be a whole person. Even now, I'll be a broken person and much different, but I'm still a whole complete person. And I needed that to come through in this book, this That it's not just the story of this pain and suffering and this incredible loss, but it's also this story of continuous reinvention, of continued resilience, of continuing to put one foot in front of the other and find the beauty in our lives.

• Speaker #0

  You know, something just popped in my head that and it's the that japanese art form of pizu yes i have i actually have pizu oh oh my gosh that's gorgeous this is actually like feathers and horse hair we live in horse country but the concept yes for people who are not like aware it's incredible to think that you know you drop something and you just get rid of it, right? And the... The beautiful part of Kintsugi is like where the broken pieces are, it's gilded with gold. And that to me is really kind of a big metaphor for what you're just describing, which is the different pieces of you put back together. And so... Yes, broken, but more beautiful as a result.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  You know? Yeah. Absolutely. So are you, were you a different, I guess, writer this time around? Or did you ever think you'd be a writer?

• Speaker #1

  You know, what's funny is that I wanted to be a writer when I was in elementary school. I wrote all the time. I had notebooks of stories. And then I found performance and just sort of dove into that as my art form. But. I started writing during Adelaide's life. I started writing Inchstones, then a blog before I transitioned it to Substack. And I was just writing about caregiving, about this wild life we were on with Miguel on stage and me caring for Adelaide. And writing those weekly installments, I... is when I first learned that like nothing that I was going through was unique to me that like I I'm not that special I like special in all the ways that Mr. Rogers taught us but not I love that nothing like there was nothing that I was feeling that someone else wasn't also feeling and and our stories were different the diagnoses might be different our day-to-day life might look different. But the that our general emotional experience was so similar. And I found that extraordinarily empowering because then now I could write about anything. Nothing was going to be taboo because I didn't have to worry that someone would judge me. Maybe someone would, but there's someone else who was going to be like, yeah, you know what? Me too. I feel that too. And in that situation, I'm not talking to the person who might judge me for X, Y, or Z. I'm talking to the person who needs to know that they're not alone in feeling that way. And so as soon as I understood that, it just opened up and freed me to write even more raw and honestly. And so the luckiest is a different style than normal broken, just normal broken was more prescriptive. It had a more self-helpy lean to it. I was still sharing my story, but I'm also like, here is my story and here is the specific lesson that I took from it that hopefully may help you. The luckiest is straight memoir. There's still a lot of reflection in there and there's certainly lessons and ideas that people will pull from it, but they're just not as explicit.

• Speaker #0

  Right, they're not just handed to you Right, but As you read through somebody's life story, I think the whole point is to be able to connect and identify with the different elements. Like, as you mentioned, you know, I often say, like, you know, the themes are often the same in our lives. It's just the individual storylines may be different, right?

• Speaker #2

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  So, yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing. Prescriptive is wonderful. I'm actually writing one right now. And it is very much like this is what you're doing, right? Like, this is how I've done it. Hopefully it helps you. Memoir is a whole other can of worms and it requires a lot of emotional vulnerability and really allowing kind of your heart to be cracked open. You know, were you were you prepared to do that and to open it up again?

• Speaker #1

  I you know, what was interesting, the parts with Adelaide were the easiest for me to write. because I wanted to write about those. It was a lot, it was the earlier chapters of the book that were the most difficult and the most challenging. And part of that is, you know, there's the most distance I'm having to go back and read, you know, my high school journals or my college, you know, to like, looking back at college scrapbooks, I'm like, am I actually remembering this correctly? what was that timeline but having to go back into those emotional places of some of the hard things that happened during those years, I actually had to, I couldn't write them in my home where I felt safe and where I had my beautiful family with me. I actually ended up going to a friend's house for a weekend and having to write those earlier chapters in a more foreign environment. And I was alone in the house and could just blast music and just sort of be on my own and put myself back in to that more, you know, teen 20s something Kelly's mindset and shoes. And it was it was hard. It was one of the most challenging writing journeys I've been on.

• Speaker #0

  For sure. And what did what did anything surprise you about it? Like more than just that it was going to be different, right? Because it's a different time in life.

• Speaker #1

  I saw you know what I I think some of our earlier year that for me, I haven't spent much time with the mistakes I made during those years because I don't want to think about them or it's painful. And What surprised me is that when I did go back and spend time with those versions of Kelly was how much empathy I had for her. And how instead of the harshness that I had once had, that I had directed toward myself, I, in going back and reexamining that as a, you know, mid-40s woman and thinking about this early 20s Kelly. how much compassion I had for her. Whereas that was not, I had spent decades just sort of being embarrassed by who that person was. And now I have compassion and understand how she navigated the world.

• Speaker #0

  Oh my gosh, that's so beautiful. And she navigated the world and she... became the tiniest of the nesting dolls, right? Like she was necessary to get to where you are.

• Speaker #1

  Absolutely. Absolutely. She had to make those mistakes and learn those lessons so that I would have them today. Right? Like,

• Speaker #0

  right. The beauty of it, isn't it? Like when we finally can do that for ourselves, it's such a gift.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. So as you get ready to launch this beautiful book into the world, it's, I remember reading some, I think it was on inch stones. Yeah, it had to be. You had mentioned something about, you know, in the past, this was normal broken was like your creative, you know, product, your career. And so you did all these things like I am Kelly, hear me roar kind of thing, right?

• Speaker #2

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  And you mentioned with the luckiest that now you're kind of looping back in your partner, Miguel. Yeah. So how did that conversation go? How did you come to that decision? Yeah, I'm just curious.

• Speaker #1

  I, this, it sort of goes back to like that comment we were having about resenting Miguel. I, I feel like so often I was, when Normal Broken came out, I was like, I need this to be mine. I need to prove that I can do something on my own. And I needed it to be separate from Miguel, even though I wrote about him in the book. It was just this. I went to this other extreme, whereas all of my life I had, you know, the last 10 years of our marriage, I had been supporting him. And so I needed so desperately to like separate myself. And so I did that with Normal Broken. Coming back and writing The Luckiest, I and as time has gone by and Miguel and I will do performances or give talks together. and I've come to the realization that we are the strongest when we are together, when, you know, he's singing and I'm speaking and, you know, we share that journey together is when I think we make the most impact. And because he is such a huge part of this book, it really made sense to include him in the promotion of it. So I was like, all right, you are going to come on book tour with me. And. And it's fun. He's going to introduce me. I'm still giving myself main character energy, but also recognizing that he can support me now, and I don't have to do things by myself for me to consider it my personal success. That we are the most successful. I mean, it's again, it's going back to what we were talking about before about our gardens and finding that support and accepting that support. It is the exact same thing. I don't know why I have to keep learning this lesson over and over again. My eldest daughter, Enneagram 3, I don't know what it is. At one point, I got it into my head that it was only a true personal success if you do it by yourself. and that is BS. It is a no one is tallying how much of it you did on your own in the real world. And we're going to be the most successful when you allow others to support you when you ask for help when you are out there. And so you know what it bringing Miguel on the road with me and utilizing his talent and all of the you know, it's gonna help. sell more books and get it into more people's hands and and help others feel connected then let's do it yeah and i'd imagine you can tell me where i'm wrong but it may have a different feel for you too to have that support around you like that has to be i

• Speaker #0

  would imagine a part of it too like how special to have that experience together it is and he's so if he wants to he's like look i

• Speaker #1

  I got up on stage every night and like said words really fast and moved my hands around a lot. He's like, the work that you're doing, he was like, that's he's like, I want I want to be the monkey with the symbols who's like, look at me, look at me, and then, you know, force them to look at you. And, and it's, it's, it's really kind of awesome. And I feel very fortunate to have a partner who is so willing to share his spotlight.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. that's amazing. We had the privilege of seeing Miguel many times. Maniac for Hamilton, she can do the whole thing. She's 15. But and it's interesting, because in the show, right, legacy is a big theme. And so I'm curious, what do you envision is the legacy for Adelaide, for different versions of you? Like, where does that? Where do you start thinking about?

• Speaker #1

  that it's a really interesting question because i as as you were asking it i was you know i i think that miguel and i at this point have really dedicated our lives to building adelaide's legacy and i don't know where her legacy ends and mine begins i think sort of all muddled together at this point and it all boils down to like i don't believe that anything happens for a reason. But I do believe that we can make reason out of the things that happen.

• Speaker #0

  Yes.

• Speaker #1

  And so that is my main motto and motivator for everything that I do in my life is that, okay, this has happened. You know, my daughter is sick. My daughter has died. I, you know, what can I do to nothing is going to make that okay. There is nothing that I could ever, there's no reason that would ever be good enough. Even if we raised so much money and we found a cure for epilepsy, that still wouldn't, in my mind, justify me losing my daughter and everything that she struggled.

• Speaker #0

  Like there's no justification. Yes.

• Speaker #1

  One thing.

• Speaker #0

  Right.

• Speaker #1

  But being proactive, being productive, you know, it helps.

• Speaker #0

  Oh, for sure. I mean, I see beautiful like. multiple legacies in like the themes of, of what you're, you're creating as you move forward with, with her. Right. It's, it's really beautiful. And the interesting thing I think is, you know, there's the pain, right. And then there's the caregiving and then there's the advocacy and, And then there was Kelly the patient recently.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  And so... That's very close. And I don't really want you to have to go into anything that's still very tender. But how are you doing with that and being the one being cared for?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I'm not so hot at that.

• Speaker #0

  I kind of figured because eldest daughter, lots of similarities going on. Yes. Yeah,

• Speaker #1

  being the patient is not my favorite. You know, I was talking to someone about this the other day. They were like, how are you doing? Are you, you know I think some people live with this incredible fear of the cancer returning. And I think that I'm a little bit jaded by medicine and all of them like, you know what, they I got a mastectomy, I got new boobs, I'm taking the drugs, I'm doing the thing. I'm like, Whatever is going to happen health-wise is going to happen. I'm going to do the things. I'm going to jump through the hoops. I'm going to get the tests. I'm going to schedule the appointments. And I've sort of relinquished any anxiety around cancer because it's out of my control. And I think I'm just, maybe that's another one of Adelaide's lasting legacies that I'm just like, you know, I never felt like my. Life was in danger. We caught it early enough. It hadn't spread. It was very treatable. And then when I look at that in comparison with everything that we experienced with Adelaide, I'm like, it just doesn't like it's it's like having a. I mean, it was significantly more intense, but like in comparison, it almost feels like having a mole removed or something like it was just it was so much more manageable. And I don't want anyone who to feel, you know, they could have had the exact same diagnosis of me and the exact same treatments and it could have been a lot more impactful on their life. And so I don't want to belittle anyone else's experience. this was sort of my personal reaction and totally um visual represent representation of my past trauma and how it's still but i'm like i'm like i'm just let's close that chapter and and keep moving forward i i'm if anything the entire experience showed me how important medical research is and Yes. Because I walked into that breast surgeon and she pulls up my biopsy results and she's like, you have this kind of cancer. This is how big it is. It is hormone. Like all of these different things that they knew from a simple biopsy. And then they could come up with the entire treatment plan. And I, you know, less than it's October now. So less than 10 months after my diagnosis, I'm sitting here cancer-free and as healthy as I was, albeit with. you know, synthetic boobs, but then, you know, and, and then I think about the experiences that I had with my daughter where it was four years of testing. It was trying treatment after treatment. It was, we didn't have a diagnosis until four years after she died, like the entire journey. And, and the old, I look at that and I'm like, the difference is, is that we have spent billions and billions of dollars. on breast cancer research. And I am so grateful and I am the beneficent of all of those people who were out there doing the walks, who were advocating and lobbying Congress for these funds and thank goodness they did because women like me can open and shut this chapter in less than a year. And that's not the case for everybody. And I recognize that breast cancer still takes, tens of thousands of lives every year. But- The medical and diagnostic journey for breast cancer compared to anything neurological is wild.

• Speaker #0

  Yes. And

• Speaker #1

  I have to believe that the only difference between having a medical experience in neurology that is similar to breast cancer is dollars spent on research.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah, 100%. 100%. I mean, it's... You have to follow the money. It's the same in neurology. There's so much known about Alzheimer's, other forms of dementia, not so much.

• Speaker #1

  Not so much.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. And it's really where the money goes. Even in breast cancer research, we have a family friend who has metastatic breast cancer, and she's managing that as a long-term condition, really.

• Speaker #1

  It's a chronic illness. It is not a treatable disease anymore.

• Speaker #0

  No, and they, you know... But there's not a lot of research done in that part. So, yes, we are in a very interesting time where we kind of have benefited from a lot of research and things that went on kind of in the background of our lives. But now those kinds of things that were just kind of happening and benefited so many, not happening so much when they don't get the money they need to do the research. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So. It's wonderful that you're doing all of the advocacy and the fundraising. And yeah, it's so much appreciated for so many lives that are going to be touched by, you know, the work that you're doing to kind of further things. And I think, I don't know, I'm super excited to read the new book. If you had to kind of give a little bit of a dose of inspiration to people listening, you've given so many pearls this whole time. But if you could, no, seriously, this has been amazing. If you could just distill it down to one thing you'd want people to take away.

• Speaker #1

  That you are constantly evolving as a person. That there is no finish line. That who you are today does not have to be who you are tomorrow. And it may not be because you may not have a choice in it. But you are constantly evolving and constantly becoming the next. painted doll in the series of your life. And that is a beautiful thing.

• Speaker #0

  That is a beautiful thing. And with that, I feel like I am the luckiest because I had the absolute privilege of sitting with you this morning. Thank you so much for taking the time.

• Speaker #1

  This was such a lovely conversation. I appreciate it.

• Speaker #0

  This was wonderful. Thank you so very much. And I wish I could be at some of your events. The one in New York, I was like, yes, I'm going. And my daughter is a swimmer. She made our sectionals up here. So that's an awesome thing.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Thank you. But it means I will not be able to attend and I am a little heartbroken, but that's okay. I hope so many people attend and they can find you on your website,

• Speaker #1

  which is Kelly's Cervantes.com on Substack and Instagram and Facebook, which is at Kelly GC 411.

• Speaker #0

  Yes, and those will all be in the show notes and go get your book pre-order. It's super important to authors. Super.

• Speaker #1

  Yes, and I cannot wait to hear more about your upcoming book. It's so exciting.

• Speaker #0

  Yay. I'll share when I get more information. It's like that waiting game, right? Yes, right.

• Speaker #1

  Absolutely.

• Speaker #0

  Well, thank you for taking the time. I know your time is precious and I do appreciate it.

• Speaker #1

  Thank you so much.

• Speaker #0

  All right. Such a pleasure.

• Speaker #1

  Wonderful. That sounds good. Thank you so much. Have a lovely rest of your day.

• Speaker #0

  You do the same. Thanks so much. All right. Bye-bye. Bye.

• Speaker #2

  Thanks for sharing your time with me here on Prescribing Possibility. I hope today's conversation offered you a breath of fresh air, a new perspective, or even just a moment of calm. in the chaos of life. If this episode resonated with you, pass it along to a friend or a colleague. You never know who might need a little more harmony in their life today. I'd love to hear your thoughts, your questions, or topics you're curious about. Reach out to me anytime on Instagram or LinkedIn at dimitnowhile or send me an email at podcast at dimitnowhile.com. Until next time, give yourself the grace to grow, the space to rest, and the courage to imagine what's next.