Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Welcome back to Promise Hill! The first one of it’s kind story based soul care podcast! I’m Kimberlee Herman, your host. Thank you. I am so happy you're on this journey with me. If you're enjoying this podcast, would you do me a favor and give it a four or five star rating? Apparently, this is how other people can find this podcast more easily. I thank you so much and it would bless me tremendously. All right, let's recap real quick from our last episode. Mira took a walk and ended up learning some wisdom from Nathaniel Embers, the owner of Ember and Oak. And then she met Gideon Thorne, the blacksmith, who also had some interesting things to say. Then Mira got a phone call from her mom with a mysterious information and a plea to come over that same day. Oh. And did you like the song Reach for the Light I played for you at the end of last episode? I hope so. I have another song in the pipeline, so stay tuned. That's probably coming out in a few episodes. All right. So today in episode eight, The Letter, Mira's mysterious story continues to unfold as we watch her put into practice some of the tools she's learning along the way. I'll meet you on the other side of the story with reflections. Live it out action steps and prayer. Let's listen in.

• Speaker #1

  Mira walked home quickly from the bakery to get her car to drive to her mom, Ruth, in Whispering Pines. But before she jumped in her car, she sat on her couch inside her home and took a few slow breaths.

• Speaker #2

  I need to calm down. Whatever mama tells me, I need to remember to keep calm for her. Universe, God, or whoever is out there. Please help me. I feel like I'm drowning and I'm so scared. You see, there's a lot I'm carrying right now. Dealing with my divorce, the flashbacks with the black book, my mom's dementia,

• Speaker #3

  losing my job, and now these texts.

• Speaker #2

  I'm overwhelmed and feel like I'm going to lose it.

• Speaker #1

  Just then. She began to remember tidbits Charity and Grandma Eden had told her over the past month to help her. She took a deep breath to calm herself. Her brain started to relax and became calm and ordered.

• Speaker #2

  I'm choosing to do things differently, so I'm not overwhelmed. First things first. I need to see my mom and hear what she has to say and figure out who this Eleanor is. That seems to be the most pressing.

• Speaker #1

  Mira drove in silence, with knots forming in her stomach. But a thought inside her suggested she look at the pine trees that lined the road and smell the scent of fresh air as she took slower and longer breaths. She practiced being in the moment like Charity taught her, rather than thinking of all the what-ifs. When she arrived... Each step to the assisted living facility felt like walking in molasses, slow and heavy. But at the same time, she had a sense of peace around her.

• Speaker #2

  Hi, Mama.

• Speaker #1

  Ruth sat hunched in her chair, looking out the window. The manila envelope from the box Mira found in the secret room in the attic was clutched tightly in her trembling hands. Her eyes were red, her cheeks wet.

• Speaker #3

  Oh, Mira, I'm so sorry.

• Speaker #1

  Mira's chest tightened.

• Speaker #3

  Mama, what are you sorry for?

• Speaker #1

  Ruth shook her head, her grip tightening around the envelope.

• Speaker #3

  I wanted to tell you. I did. My intentions, they were good. I thought I was keeping you safe. There just, there never seemed to be a right time. And then, it just never happened.

• Speaker #1

  She held the envelope out toward Mira with shaking hands.

• Speaker #3

  It's all in here.

• Speaker #1

  Mira hesitated before taking it, her fingers brushing against Ruth's. The paper felt heavier than it should. Ruth continued, her voice drifting between clarity and confusion.

• Speaker #3

  You were three. Such a beautiful little thing. It was so sad, but there was so much love. So much love, Mira. This was so easy for your dad and I, but so incredibly painful to Eleanor. Your story is so sad before we got to you. We felt like we rescued you out of a tragic situation. Please don't be angry with me, Mira.

• Speaker #1

  Ruth's eyes began to unfocus as she stared past Mira toward the other window.

• Speaker #3

  Have you seen my bluebird? I really need my bluebird.

• Speaker #1

  Mira blinked, startled, and looked around. There, sitting quietly among scattered papers on her mother's desk, was the small carved wooden bluebird her father bought Ruth all those years ago that they rediscovered from the box in the secret attic. She picked it up gently and placed it into Ruth's hands. A part of Mira wanted to throw the bird against the wall and ask her mom a million questions, but she remembered what the nurses have taught her. She needed to keep calm to keep her mom calm. The timing of this news was so unfair.

• Speaker #3

  Oh, there you are.

• Speaker #1

  Ruth's face softened instantly as her fingers curled around the wooden object, as if it was something sacred. Her breathing slowed. A moment passed, and then Ruth looked up at Mira again, calm now, but distant.

• Speaker #3

  It's time for you to go.

• Speaker #1

  This stunned Mira. Her mom's dementia was unpredictable. She didn't remember walking out. She didn't remember closing the door. She only remembered the envelope in her hands and the rising wave of nausea threatening to overtake her. By the time she reached her car, she collapsed into the driver's seat, the envelope resting in her lap like something alive.

• Speaker #2

  Was I adopted?

• Speaker #1

  Then, thoughts began to surface.

• Speaker #2

  I've never seen a photo of mama pregnant with me. She always changed the subject when I asked. She even lied one time and told me the photos burned in a fire. And I really don't look like either of my parents. Why didn't I see it?

• Speaker #1

  The drive home passed in a blur. When she stepped inside her home, her house greeted her with its usual stillness. She set the envelope down on the table next to the glowing in the dark soul care guide. For a moment, she just stood there, staring at it. Then it seemed like her mother's Bible was calling out for her, the one that looks like Grandma Eden's. She reached for it. The worn leather felt comfortable in her hands. She flipped through the pages, her fingers brushing past underlined verses and handwritten notes, until a highlighted passage caught her eye.

• Speaker #2

  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. Hmm, I don't understand it.

• Speaker #1

  Mira read it again, and then again. Something stirred inside her, a warmth, subtle but undeniable. The same feeling she had when Charity prayed for her earlier today.

• Speaker #3

  She swallowed hard,

• Speaker #1

  then desperation took over, and she called out,

• Speaker #2

  God or Jesus, if you're real, show me.

• Speaker #1

  The room remained still, but the warmth lingered. Slowly, she closed the Bible and set it aside. Then she reached for the envelope. Her hands trembled as she opened it. Papers spilled out across the table. Documents, records, fragments of a life she didn't recognize. On top sat a single note. She unfolded it carefully and read it out loud.

• Speaker #2

  Ruth, here are all of Amira's records. Her mother's Bible and the photo album I put together for her. Please remember to keep these safe and give them to her when she's older. Her dad is so dangerous and resourceful. He will try to find her. She's not safe. That's why I agreed to this adoption with you and not into foster care. Please tell her about her mother and me when she's old enough to understand. and give her the attached letter I've written to her. It contains my contact information.

• Speaker #1

  Her vision blurred.

• Speaker #2

  I'm so thankful to you and Robert for taking her into your home and into your arms, but know that my heart breaks. Please honor our agreement and allow me to be in Amira's life when she's older. But in the meantime, don't send me anything through the mail because her dad will find out. Love, Eleanor.

• Speaker #1

  The letter ended there. Mira lowered the page slowly.

• Speaker #2

  Eleanor? Amira?

• Speaker #1

  The room felt like it was spinning. She glanced at the rest of the papers, but there was another envelope inside. It was the letter from Eleanor to Mira. Mira stared at it, but her hand wouldn't move.

• Speaker #2

  Not tonight. It's too much.

• Speaker #1

  Everything was too much. But then she remembered Grandma Eden once told her to slow things down and think about why she was so upset.

• Speaker #2

  Okay, why am I freaking out? I love the concept of adoption. I feel it's selfless and beautiful for so much love to be given to a child in a good situation. I'm so hurt and angry that my mother lied to me. She kept me away from a grandmother who was hurting. This is why I'm so mad. I feel betrayed.

• Speaker #1

  She pushed the papers away, stood, and poured herself a glass of red wine with unsteady hands. The first sip burned. The second softened the edges. By the time she set the glass down, exhaustion had overtaken her. She didn't even remember lying down. Morning came quietly. It was still dark outside. And the birds were still sleeping. Her thoughts were already spinning.

• Speaker #2

  Who could that possibly be at this hour?

• Speaker #1

  And just when Mira thinks she can't carry one more thing, her story begins to open. A hidden past. A different name. A letter she can't bring herself to read. But she's also carrying the truth of how to maintain through the wisdom of Charity and Grandma Eden. She has supports that are growing around her. And the light from the big black book is making its way into her heart. Stay with us for episode 9, where the past continues to unfold on the other side of the door. Take it away, Kimberlee.

• Speaker #0

  Oh boy, Mira is going through so much. Can you relate? I sure can. There have been seasons in my life that I literally would sit by myself and stare at a wall for hours. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, and I probably was. During those times, I had no tools and little support. My body needed to feel safe and calm. During those darker times earlier in my life, I was not following Jesus. I would look to astrology, psychics, and other occult practices to help me. That was many, many years ago, and since then I have been delivered from all of that stuff. And if you don't know what delivered means, that's okay. It just means that I have repented and broken off all of those occult practices off of me through prayer and feel released from all that stuff. But then Jesus, about 23 years ago, I made the choice to step back into relationship with him. And I'm so grateful because when hard seasons come, and they have come, I'm able to go to him and I'm able to do prayer work and scripture reading and all the wonderful things to connect me to him to help me get to the other side. So this is what that podcast is. This podcast is about is teaching you tools on how to connect to the Lord and scripture to help guide the way. Now, I wish I could tell you that it's all peaceful and hunky-dory when I turn to Jesus going through hard times, but sometimes life is really unfair. It really is. And I let Jesus know how I feel about it. I rant and I rave and I just let it out. But I do feel that Jesus hears me and is still so full of grace and he has so much compassion. And oftentimes in my spirit, I'll hear him say something that calms me. That verse that says that he'll give us peace that surpasses all understanding, that has happened to me several times. His peace in these dark times doesn't make sense, but I do feel it. Now, I don't feel it all the time. Sometimes I get really angry and I don't want to hear him. I just want to sit in my anger. Isn't that so immature? But you know what? I know I'm not the only one out there that does that. So. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes it just does. I just want to simmer in my anger. But then that simmers down and I'm able to then go to the Lord and say, I'm sorry and hear him with whatever he has for me. All right, so let's go grab some coffee at the Daily Bread Bakery and review the reflections together. Here we go. Number one, Mira was starting to spin out as she drove to her mom Ruth's, but she chose to be in the moment by focusing on the things around her. like the pine trees and the fresh air. Hear it and hold it. Philippians 4 verse 8 says, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about it. Such things. All right, friends, let's practice this together. Take a look outside if you can. What nature do you see? Describe it. What color is it? If you're outside, what does it feel like? Does it have a scent? When you're focused on lovely things, anxiety cannot stay in your brain at the same time. Now, there will be time to deal with anxiety and the stress and work through all of that. But you need to give your mind and your body a rest of all the stress by thinking of admirable things. So give that a try. Number two, when angry, pause and think about what you're really angry about. For Mira, it wasn't about the adoption. It was about the secrecy and lies. that her mom withheld from her, the betrayal of that. So as a personal example, I'm just going to give a very minor example. When someone cuts me off in traffic, oh my goodness, I get really angry at this. But if I think about it, I'm not really angry at the other person because sometimes they just they don't want to get in a car accident either. So I know they're not doing it on purpose. But it's a fear that I could be hurt. It's that fear that is underneath the anger. Hear it and hold it. James 1 verses 19 through 21. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. If we dig into this scripture, this is telling us that we need not jump to assumptions. Listen to what the other person is saying. Don't interrupt and don't jump into anger. Now, I know people over the years that when they're arguing with their partner, instead of listening, they would be thinking of what they would say next. And I know this is very common for a lot of people. But hear this. This is not only unfair. Because you're not really hearing what the other person is trying to communicate and often jumping to conclusions, which leads right to anger. So we need to practice listening. Don't interrupt. And don't jump to conclusions. Get more information so you can talk to the other person and work whatever this is out. Okay, number three. Once Mira returned home from Ruth's, her mom, and when things were getting too big with reading through Eleanor's letter, she paused and realized feelings of overwhelm were piling up, so she stepped away. Super, super wise. Here and hold it. Matthew 11 verse 28. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. So let's all follow Mira's lead on this. When feeling overwhelmed, Step away if you're able. And then we want to step into Matthew 11, verse 28, and turn towards Jesus. Ask him to hold your pain, stress, worry, and then ask him to turn it into peace or something that's more manageable, or just take it away and give you some wisdom on knowing how to work through it. This invites us to come rest with Jesus, like when a child is so tired. We can just flop into Jesus's arms, of course, in our minds and know that he's got this. Let's walk into our action steps. As always, use what you want. Number one, when feeling overwhelmed, try being in the moment like we just practiced with focusing on nature. Smell the flowers, touch the leaves, caress the bark, immerse yourself in God's creation. Now here's what's wild. Once you do that and you're pretty intentional about the connection between you and nature, let's say you're in your office and you have no windows. Like I'm in an office right now and there's no windows to the outside, I should say. There's windows so I can see, you know, out. But if I just imagine myself smelling the flowers, looking at the color and, you know, all of that from memory, those feelings of calm start to usher in. So that's pretty cool. Even if you can't be in nature, just thinking about it can bring some calm to your nervous system. Number two, next time you get upset, pause and ask yourself, what's really upsetting you? Oftentimes, it's not what you think. Number three, when upset, pause, take A few slow and deep breaths and focus on telling Jesus what is bothering you. Ask him for advice and see if anything pops up in your head. So I'm guessing that a lot of you who are listening don't know how to hear God's voice. And I say that because I've been a Christian counselor for 22 years, over 22 years. And a lot of my clients come in and they've been a Christian their whole lives and don't know how to hear God's voice. So it is not. abnormal. It's not unusual. Most churches don't teach it. But even the ones that teach it don't teach that sometimes it's not God's voice you're hearing. Sometimes it's your own. Sometimes it's the enemy. So you want to be discerning when you're hearing those thoughts in your mind. So one of the things that I teach my clients is when I hear from the Lord, I know it's from him. When I get that thought and I have immediate peace with it, that's a sign that it's probably from the Lord. Now, I also want to make sure it lines up with scripture. If I hear something that is a little off of scripture, that's not the Lord. That's the enemy trying to pretend he's God. All right. So let's recap that. You get upset, pause, walk away, figure out, okay, what's really upsetting me here? Like my example with getting hurt in a car accident, if someone, my fear of getting hurt in a car accident, if someone cuts me off, then I want to turn that over to the Lord. Oh, I want to forgive that person. Forgiveness is a whole thing that I need to dedicate like at least several episodes to. It's really big. Forgive the person for cutting me off. And Jesus, how do you, what do you want me to do with this? And can you just bring me peace for this? I give you my fear. And I accept your peace. That's kind of how it looks. All right, let me pray for you, my friend. Father in heaven, you are so merciful and thoughtful. You have given us the gift of nature and all the varieties in it. It exists in part to calm us. I lift this listener up to you. Any heartaches, areas of stress, broken relationships, wounded hearts need your tender grace. Lead them to your beautiful mercies and healing their hearts. Bless them with your love and your care. Help them see you even when things feel dark. In Jesus's holy and beautiful name. Amen. Remember, friend, if this episode was something that you enjoyed, I would ask you to please give it a four or five star rating. It would truly bless me. Until next time, friends, may you find peace in the presence and hope on the hilltop. This is Kimberlee Herman cheering you on from Promise Hill.