Secret Identity | Ultimate Spider-Man (Every issue Explained!)

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Speaker #0
Oh,
Speaker #1
geez, Rick, I got bit by a spider.
Speaker #0
Hey, shut the fuck up, Morty. I'm building clones. I'm building clones. Stop thinking about Gwen Stacy. Oh, geez, I just, you know, with great power, I thought I'd get some great pussy to go with it, too. It's a responsibility, Morty.
Speaker #2
With great pussy comes great responsibility.
Speaker #0
Ask Magic Johnson, Morty. He had none of the responsibility, Morty. No one remembers how many points he put on the board, Morty. They just know him for the HIV. Oh, wow. Welcome to Secret Identity, where teenage angst and superhero collide. I'm not in pajamas. I am Spider Troy. Shooting web at my co-host, Mr. Brent Burnbaum.
Speaker #1
Hi, guys.
Speaker #0
Eating that web up. And Gwen Stacy Slady Harrison.
Speaker #1
Do you want to be Gwen Stacy or Mary Jane?
Speaker #0
Oh, that's a good question. That's like a Jackie O. Maryland. Yeah,
Speaker #1
right?
Speaker #0
I would rather be Mary because she don't get break-in and that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Yeah. I think MJ gets great characterization in this.
Speaker #2
Yeah, she does.
Speaker #1
If you're Peter and you're MJ, who am I? Doc Ock. Nice.
Speaker #0
I could see that happening for you.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Feel the arms.
Speaker #0
It's because of the amount of pussy you get. Yeah.
Speaker #2
Octopus.
Speaker #1
Octopus. Octopussy.
Speaker #2
Octopussy bread.
Speaker #0
That's a new name.
Speaker #1
My neck, my back, licked by octopussy and my crack.
Speaker #0
The power of your crack. the palm of my hand um today we're recapping yo what was that about my crack it was a whip hey i want to get bit by more than a spider like a god um today we're talking about the greatest spider-man story ever told if you started from front to back uh ultimate spider-man uh recap starting in 2000 by michael uh bendis brian michael bendis three named people I would fuck up. And most of the art by...
Speaker #1
Mark Bagley.
Speaker #0
Mark Bagley. And this is the first one that was on the shelves when I was growing up, 2000s, when they started the ultimate reboot. Tell us what I'm getting wrong, Brent.
Speaker #1
No, you're getting everything right. It's a modern reimagining of Spidey for the 21st century. If someone was to ask me what the greatest comic book of all time is, I'd say Watchmen. If someone was to ask me my favorite comic book of all time, I'd say this. Spider-Man's my favorite hero. This is my favorite Spidey art.
Speaker #0
This is fun to read.
Speaker #1
This can't be. I can't read
Speaker #0
Watchmen with the level of fun you do with Spider-Man comics. Yeah,
Speaker #2
that'd be fucked up.
Speaker #0
Yeah,
Speaker #1
it would be quite fucked up. Yeah, with fights, committing genocide, it was awesome.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
What, when everyone dies?
Speaker #0
Yeah, it's, uh, I, when I was hosting, um, my last... Round of shows, I was reading this in between comics when there'd be the five minute spots, I'd be reading
Speaker #1
Ultimate Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
Yeah, because it was just one after the other. And I went through all of them. And there's so many crossover events in this because this was their hard reset. So there was the... X-Men stuff, and is he a mutant, is he not? The Ultimate Universe had its flaws. It was mostly flaws, to be honest with you.
Speaker #2
It's the ultimate flaw.
Speaker #0
It was the ultimate flaw, and they killed it in Secret Wars. Spider-Man was really the only thing to have a comprehensive arc. Does he die at the end?
Speaker #1
It's an interesting one. He does die.
Speaker #0
He takes a bullet for Cap.
Speaker #1
They create a... or maybe actually but if they have that he's holding hands with uncle ben at the end yeah well they create a uh they they create a separate uh uh story where like bailey left and they brought him back and uh norman osborne yeah comes back i'm bringing big back yeah and
Speaker #0
uh and uh peter does die and that's when miles morales gets introduced but i still think i think they eventually bring back this peter park yes yeah yeah yeah you're right i remember because in the first miles morales stories first villain is venom uh and he's talking about
Speaker #1
right you're not a symbiote yeah yeah he's a bad guy don't put the symbiote on symbiote's a bad guy this
Speaker #0
if you're within our age group you remember this and the Spider-Man art, but I forget what the guy's name is, but he did it for Ultimate Spider-Man. It was on all the backpacks. Like, these were the two avenues of Spider-Man, plus Tobey Maguire when we were growing up. Yeah. Like, you had the Ultimate game, which was copy-pasting very much all the arcs from this, and we picked out, or Brent, I should say, picked out arcs that, because there's 133 issues in this altogether?
Speaker #1
Something like that, yeah. And I picked, we're looking at issues 1 through 111, because that's when Bendis and Bagley were together, because this is just, This is a writer and artist who are so in sync. And I love the Amazing Spider-Man series.
Speaker #0
It's gonna be me.
Speaker #1
It's gonna be me.
Speaker #0
That's who's gonna die.
Speaker #2
Why did they split?
Speaker #1
Well, eventually, like, I mean, they'd been doing it for seven years. I think Bagley just wanted to move on. Bendis kept writing. Look,
Speaker #2
I'm trying to get pussy.
Speaker #0
I can't draw spiders no more.
Speaker #2
You're in this zone.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Yeah, they, Bendis wrote a lot of OG stuff, though, like Secret Invasion.
Speaker #1
Jessica Jones.
Speaker #0
Jessica Jones. Wow, what other stuff do we have from Ben? Did he ever do DC?
Speaker #1
I don't know, actually. That's a great question.
Speaker #0
Often, those guys just float around between the two.
Speaker #2
Cool.
Speaker #0
What?
Speaker #2
To have that job and be able to just cross over to all the universes?
Speaker #0
I mean, Jack Kirby, we always go back to him, but he created the most iconic characters on both sides.
Speaker #1
Steve Ditko.
Speaker #0
Steve Ditko, another one, yeah. Who did he do for DC? He did Hawk and Dove?
Speaker #1
He did Hawk and Dove. He did The Question. Yes. He did The Creep. He did Peacemaker.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
Captain Atom. I mean, there's no Watchmen without Steve Ditko because they had cord. Like, they based all of the Watchmen characters off the Steve Ditko, Charleston Comics characters. Yeah,
Speaker #0
Ditko created the design for Spider-Man, right? It was something...
Speaker #1
20, 20, save the stand.
Speaker #0
Because he created... Spider-Man had a very different design initially. Like, his first draft costume is what he looked like when they conceptualized him. And Ditko was the one that sort of put the pen and paper and gave him the iconic look.
Speaker #1
Initially, Kirby designed him and he looked... he looked too super heroic. He looked like Captain America, who Kirby created. And Stan was like, let's bring in Ditko. And
Speaker #0
I'll take all the credit.
Speaker #1
80-20.
Speaker #0
No one's getting cut in. Split it 80-10-10. Day for Stan. Day for Stan. What I love about this is how he's drawn. He looks fragile. He looks like a kid. He looks like the age he's supposed to. Yeah, he's fragile. I remember reading this as a kid being like... Yo, he's going to get his... I didn't believe the Spider-Man scene where he was pulling the subway in Spider-Man 2 because I read this and I was like, his little spider arms would have ripped out of the socket. But it goes to show you how powerful that spider was and what spider strength is. And you picked great arc. Thank you. Everybody should read the whole book because from start to finish, it really is so much fun and you get what's called an omnibus. And I have my ultimate
Speaker #1
I'm on the bus. I'm seeing you guys. Mayor, please, please, I'm on the bus looking for you.
Speaker #0
I'm on the bus.
Speaker #1
I love you, Mayor.
Speaker #0
Brent was the one who picked out the arc, so I will have him break down some of the most iconic arcs in the series. There's really no shortage of great just action-packed emotional roller coasters, and Norman Osborn with the waves being a dick as always. Give it to us.
Speaker #1
Well, that's the... Baby dick.
Speaker #0
He's got the waves in this, right? He's got the... Yeah.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Well, because. You didn't have to wave. The what?
Speaker #2
Nothing.
Speaker #0
It was a slater line. You don't listen. You don't hear it till we watch it back. Yeah.
Speaker #1
Till we watch it back.
Speaker #2
It's like a little gnat.
Speaker #1
You are, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Well, you just read all of this. You just downloaded it.
Speaker #1
Yeah. First impressions.
Speaker #2
I enjoyed it. It was an easy read, which is why I was reading for like fucking four and a half hours. I didn't realize the nerd is starting to. grow on me. And I don't know how I've come to that.
Speaker #0
This is something else.
Speaker #1
It's turned from ick to yes.
Speaker #0
Spider-Man books are like that. Yeah,
Speaker #1
from ick to yes. Because you read big time.
Speaker #0
And there goes the sick again. You read big time the same way. You read it all in one sitting.
Speaker #2
Oh yeah, I was so wet after that. Big time.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Me too now.
Speaker #2
Yeah, you just had a fucking...
Speaker #0
I just had a......one somewhere.
Speaker #1
I hope that is......as well, but that's because I have indigestion.
Speaker #0
My spine is...
Speaker #1
It's diarrhea that you guys feel on the floor.
Speaker #0
I've had......BBS, yeah. I got fucking agita over here. Five fucking seconds. I'm already... He's busted a family. Already Norman Osborn's giving me agita. What did you think? I'm sorry.
Speaker #2
No, no, no. It was good. I went into my own world, which I usually do whenever I'm reading anything, which is mostly comic books these days because I'm slowly becoming you too. And,
Speaker #1
yeah. Oh, is that what you said? You Jew? I thought.
Speaker #2
God damn.
Speaker #0
You're back often.
Speaker #2
I can't help it. I'm also converting. Oh, no. I'm becoming a superhero.
Speaker #0
You are. Well, that's why I thought you'd be great for being a third on this pod initially, because the amount of shit I've made you watch over the years.
Speaker #2
Yeah, my third eye is developing.
Speaker #0
But you've always, you've never straight away. I remember one time I was watching Umbrella Strikes Back at like two in the morning, and Slaves had a wedding, and I was home, and I was like, sorry, I'll turn this off. She's like, no, turn it around. I want to see what part it's on. You have a curiosity. You're like, show me the part. Yeah.
Speaker #2
I need to know how things end. And I feel like in this, it was such a long storyline, obviously due to the length, but also just like all of the characters. Yeah. There are a lot.
Speaker #1
Yeah. You remind me of Mark Wahlberg and the other guys, like how he like studies all this stuff to be able to make fun of the nerds. It's like, you're like reading these comic books so you can be better at making fun of me and Troy.
Speaker #2
Know thy enemy.
Speaker #1
Exactly.
Speaker #2
Just let me do my job.
Speaker #1
I'm a peacock.
Speaker #2
You gotta let me fly. You're flying. I'm gonna start dropping TLC references now.
Speaker #1
Hey, just don't go chasing waterfalls.
Speaker #2
Ooh.
Speaker #1
That was hot. Thank you, Dix. This pissing contest is over.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
Getting warm.
Speaker #0
I'm getting it. I know, yeah, you are in a sweatshirt.
Speaker #2
Pod getting hot.
Speaker #0
Everybody in the pod getting hot. I just want to make sure. Where's my cellular device? All right, Brent, why don't you give us a recap, along with issues one through seven, the origins.
Speaker #1
Should we talk about the main characters?
Speaker #0
Give us the main characters.
Speaker #2
Well, first main character, Brent.
Speaker #1
Me.
Speaker #2
Always that. Me.
Speaker #1
Me. So Peter Parker's Spider-Man, he's a teenage version of the iconic hero struggling to balance his responsibilities as Spider-Man with the challenges of high school life. And what's cool about this is you actually get a teenage Spider-Man. Like in Amazing, he's like in high school for maybe like 10 issues, then he goes to college, but he's really a young adult throughout most of Amazing Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
I have the opposite thing now because I've watched him as a teenager my whole life. I'm ready for my... first Spider-Man was PS1 Spider-Man. I'm ready for adult Spider-Man again like Jake Johnson because I've seen him in high school so much. But I guess... What?
Speaker #2
Phrasing? You adult Spider-Man. Now I'm just like, oh, I just wish to you I'm born a Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
I would never be smirched to memory.
Speaker #1
Spidey Pog.
Speaker #0
Spider-Man. Aunt May is at home. No clothes on. There is a Spider-Man. Spider-Ham right here. Peter Parker is this guy from the universe where pigs could talk because I don't want to freak him out. That was Spider-Ham.
Speaker #1
That was really good.
Speaker #0
Thank you.
Speaker #2
Now watch me bend over.
Speaker #0
Watch me bend this over. Now watch me nay-nay.
Speaker #1
Now watch me whip-whip and do some cocaine.
Speaker #0
I have a kid with a leavey in my... Sorry. No, I'm a lady. My dog. uh, what else we got?
Speaker #1
MJ. So Peter's best friend and eventual love interest who often finds herself caught up in Peter's dangerous world. So in this version, she matches, she matches Peter intellectually, which I really like.
Speaker #0
Yeah. She figures it out, right? She,
Speaker #1
I think, I don't know. Actually, I, she figures,
Speaker #0
she tells it when he tells her, I may be confusing Spider-Man runs, but I think she tells him and she's like, yeah, dude, I know because of the spider bite.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Yeah. I think she probably does. because she always she always does like a moment where he like told her like it was just they were already like on it right yeah and amazing she always knew which was kind of cool like yeah and she pretended not to know uh but yeah yeah right that's what every female does that's
Speaker #0
a lot of it's right i got another problem kids women always find out the truth Always. And then he gave him a gun, because that's what you need when she finds out the truth.
Speaker #1
There's nothing wrong with giving people guns.
Speaker #0
I don't because my state is uniquely independent.
Speaker #1
I got a D plus from the space blasters in our A.
Speaker #0
That is not a C minus.
Speaker #1
It's not no good grade. Yes, it's not the F.
Speaker #0
It's not the F. They kind of like the money, but not enough to give me a passing grade, which a D plus is still passing. I understand. Redistribute the wealth. Stop looking at my record. it's all right i gotta have a fall somewhere yeah it's the right just spider arms forget the bat arms you see i gotta answer these people i he's getting a hey blush hey blanche hey bernie you gotta keep that all of a sudden first of all you see this guy spider-man he's a menace he's a menace he eats spiders who's coming into this country they eat spiders have you seen batman he eats bats eating
Speaker #1
spiders low calories very cheap statistically you eat
Speaker #0
10 spiders a year in your sleep without even knowing it.
Speaker #1
That is a fact. 20 if you're in Australia.
Speaker #2
I can't swim.
Speaker #0
Down under. Who else we got?
Speaker #1
We got Aunt May. So Peter's aunt and guardian, whose love and support is central to pizza motion.
Speaker #0
Balance text in this book.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah, dude. This is like where you start to get the younger Aunt May that like Marissa Tomei kind of played. Yeah.
Speaker #2
What? Where?
Speaker #1
Well, she's like, I mean, if you read like the original Amazing, she looked like, yeah, she just.
Speaker #2
This is a young version?
Speaker #1
She's got gray hair. Apparently, yeah. Yeah. It's like Shia's younger. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Yeah,
Speaker #2
yeah, yeah. Take a body shot off her.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
Get that May belly button. All of them.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Fuck Ben and his memory. He gone.
Speaker #1
Taking shots at success like Uncle Ben.
Speaker #2
Ben never done that.
Speaker #0
Ben never done that. He gone. The stripper is not. Let me make a butthole. Who else we got, Brent?
Speaker #2
Now to Ben.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
He Ben dead.
Speaker #1
Norman Osborn, Green Goblin, scientist, CEO, who becomes the Green Goblin after experimenting with the Oz formula. He's obsessed with controlling Peter. He's really the main antagonist of the story. And this, like, now whatever you think of Spidey's origins, you think of Norman Osborn being responsible. That was created here. Norman Osborn had nothing to do with Spidey's origins in the Amazing Run. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker #0
because it's created in his lab. Yeah,
Speaker #1
with Osborn. Exactly. Yeah. With Oz.
Speaker #0
What was it before?
Speaker #1
It was just a radioactive spider,
Speaker #0
yeah. Oh, I guess in the time period, radioactivity is very big because that's when we're coming up with nuclear shit. Right. Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker #1
Yeah, so in this one, like all these characters that were... Sorry, what? No, no.
Speaker #2
We'll see you later.
Speaker #0
Yeah. We'll see you later.
Speaker #1
We'll be able to recap. See you later. See you later.
Speaker #0
See you later. We're going to cut all that. That's a segment called Must've Missed That One.
Speaker #1
Must've Missed That One, yeah. Fred's Golden Missed It, though. Oh,
Speaker #0
shit.
Speaker #2
It's just a cutback of all the things at the end as the credits are rolling. There's no one who stays for it.
Speaker #0
No,
Speaker #1
yeah. As they're like playing the Oscar music in the background.
Speaker #0
The Oz for me.
Speaker #2
Get it off stage.
Speaker #1
Do you like me? Do you really like me?
Speaker #0
Murphy Bibb, and he's like, when he's making fun of Stevie Wonder's speeches. And I would like to think, oh, the beautiful. Be like, shut the fuck up, motherfucker.
Speaker #2
I haven't seen no one since the beginning of the war.
Speaker #0
Singing shit, that don't impress me. You want to impress me, Steve?
Speaker #1
Take the wheel, motherfucker. Yeah, come on, Matt Murdock.
Speaker #0
I'm Danny Rand. You don't give a fuck. Be mad. So you're somebody who matters.
Speaker #1
uh next up harry osborn so peter's best friend and norman's son complicated relationship with both his father and peter harry's in the same explosion as norman and octavius and eventually becomes the hobgoblin so in amazing it's ned who's the hobgoblin in this it's harry yeah and then spider-man 3 it's kind of yeah it's like a weird guy version of the goblin yeah yeah that yeah when he's like on that fucking super surfer thing oh no
Speaker #0
He gets a head injury, forgets that Peter was Spider-Man, then remembers, then uses his spider. Does he find the Goblin Closet in two or three?
Speaker #1
In two.
Speaker #0
In two. He finds it when he throws something and it blows up, right? And then in three, he's full on Hobgoblin, chases down Peter, then James Franco gets amnesia, and then at the end he blows up, right? Or he dies. The symbiote blows up.
Speaker #1
And what? I'll blow up?
Speaker #0
You first activate the symbiote sonic receptors, and then you'll blow up.
Speaker #1
birth I do this stop double take three times one two three and then pelvic thrust that's James Frank outside of an elementary school blowing bubbles you
Speaker #0
forgot the pickles god that was her name who else we got Fred it was my car keys there's our car keys you forgot the pickles you forgot the Gwen Stacy
Speaker #1
Gwen Stacy, Peter's close friend, whose rebellious nature and tragic backstory draw Peter into her life as a confidant and ally, but the relationship remains platonic, so it's not like in Amazing, where people are always debating who's his true love interest, Mary or Gwen. This is very much MJ. Also, in Amazing, Gwen is very, she's very much like the girl next door. In this, she's like a rock star, she's a rebel, she's very, like, punk.
Speaker #0
She's almost like an X-Men character without the bra.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and I think she kind of, this kind of inspired, I think, Spider-Gwen.
Speaker #2
There was one scene in this where her, like, pants are just unbun.
Speaker #1
Yeah, right?
Speaker #2
You guys notice that?
Speaker #1
Yeah. Did we notice? Eddie Brock certainly noticed.
Speaker #2
Close the book. Have some meat time.
Speaker #0
Meat time.
Speaker #2
Interesting. Spot a ham.
Speaker #0
Spot a ham.
Speaker #1
Spot a ham.
Speaker #0
It can get hornier. She's cool.
Speaker #2
She's like, sorry to interrupt your phone sex. I was like, what? Is that the S word? And it's not bite or something?
Speaker #1
Have you said the L word yet?
Speaker #0
Is for the way you look at Pete. Oh. Is for Osborne who fucks with Pete. V is for Vulture who also fucks with Peter Parker. E is for everyone and that's who fucks with Peter Parker. Their love is unattainable to this Jew.
Speaker #2
Q. Q.
Speaker #1
Q. Actually, they do kind of code Peter as Jewish in this. Yes. He's speaking Yiddish. He says. Because he's fighting Doc Ock. He's like, where do you keep getting these fakakta arms from? He's like Jackie Mason. Where are these fakakta arms coming from?
Speaker #0
It's because you're not 13 years old.
Speaker #1
Jewish words. Fakakta. Where are you getting these fakakta arms from? Where your heart will go.
Speaker #2
I didn't know that.
Speaker #0
I feel like that's what you heard when you were 13.
Speaker #1
Exactly. Don't get so high, Zinvavinoik.
Speaker #0
I can't respond to that. I will be an atheist. Are they forever ever? Ever never seems that long until they met a Jew on Twitter for saying some shit about the Jews. What else? Are they any of the main characters? Paul? A couple more.
Speaker #1
Nick Fury, the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. He takes a keen interest in Peter's potential as a hero.
Speaker #0
But the history of Nick Fury's design is...
Speaker #1
Yeah, so Nick Fury actually... So Mark Millar, who wrote Civil War, was writing The Ultimates, which was the ultimate version of The Avengers. And he wanted to bring Fury into that. And he redesigned him to look like Samuel L. Jackson. But because he looked just like Samuel L. Jackson, they had to ask Samuel L. Jackson's permission to design it that way. And what did Sam say?
Speaker #0
Yes, motherfucker. But if you make a movie, I better be in that motherfucker. And he was. Was he the post-credit of Iron Man?
Speaker #1
Yep. The first one.
Speaker #0
And then he's in the post-credit of the Hulk, right? Down he is.
Speaker #1
Down he is, yeah,
Speaker #0
yeah. My favorite Nick Fury line ever is, Uh, yes, I heard no, the council's decision, but granted that it was a stupid ass decision. I've decided to ignore it from Avengers from Avengers one. Yeah. He started the Avengers initiative Nick Fury's a manipulating piece of shit I got a shield strategic homeland Fuck that motherfucker We are helicarriers who got hulks
Speaker #1
I got a shield I got hulks on a motherfucker We got hulks on a motherfucker helicarrier What's great is when he fakes his death in Winter Soldier And you see the gravestone And the gravestone says the path of the righteous man Yes It's like an homage To like a great movie Alright Like, if I had directed Winter Soldier, they would just be, like, cold feet okay.
Speaker #0
His lightsaber.
Speaker #2
I buried him feet first.
Speaker #1
Feet first,
Speaker #0
right? They inscribed his lightsaber with bad motherfucker on it.
Speaker #1
Did they really? I love it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, this is a goodbye gift, yeah.
Speaker #2
That's dope.
Speaker #0
I mean, think of him at this period, being Samuel L. Jackson. You're about to be Nick Fury and Mace Windu at the same goddamn time, and you're about to have the best run of your movie career, the 2000s. Yeah. Just one of the greats. And who else we got other than Fury?
Speaker #1
We got Doc Ock. so oh yes his foil his villain a villain with mechanical limbs well he's so he's in the same explosion as norman and spidey and he's got a deep-seated hatred for both of them plays a significant role throughout doc ock and this is sadistic man yeah he's like in many ways the most evil of them yeah the
Speaker #0
uh only other time i could think where he did anything as fucked up as he did and this was when he took his body for superior and at least he tries to be a good guy there you Yeah, he learns that through the people that Peter's involved with, okay, you get to have good people in life by not being a shitty guy. Oh, cool, maybe I'll marry Aunt May. In this, he's just like a Frankenstein.
Speaker #1
He's just so sadistic. Control over his...
Speaker #0
Like a 4chan-worth person.
Speaker #2
Just like, thump, thump. Honestly,
Speaker #1
kind of.
Speaker #2
Sparks, and I was like, let's pop off.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Is it the chip in this? That gave him the legs? That's what it is in Spider-Man 2.
Speaker #1
That was the first time he's sympathetic, actually. It's a great take, but he's never really sympathetic in the comics. In Spider-Man 2 or in this? Oh, all right. In Spider-Man 2. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is not sympathetic in this at all. No, I was going to say.
Speaker #0
And are there any other villains in this?
Speaker #1
We have three more characters. John Stacy, Gwen's father. Yes. Police officer. Yeah, he's a big influence. And, uh. That's because Peter, like, because of Ben's death, he needs the father figure. And it's kind of Fury, actually. Yeah. Because John Stacy dies. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Or Tony in the MCU. They call him Iron Boy. Yeah. You know, like, but he, I'm glad I didn't have to see Uncle Ben get shot. But then they just killed Marissa Tomei instead. But still, I mean, that was so powerful. Her last lesson.
Speaker #1
My clock is ticking.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And her just telling him, like, oh, is that what he told you? Don't be like him. We got this. And that gives him, teaches him the great power, great responsibility line. And Bendis knocks it out of the park in the first seven issues. But continue with your character.
Speaker #1
Kurt Connors, scientist and ally. Peter, who helps him with scientific advice.
Speaker #2
Kurt Connors!
Speaker #0
I'm gonna regenerate!
Speaker #1
Welcome to Star Labs! Always at DC!
Speaker #0
I got my wires crossed! I read too many comics! I am a really sad guy! With no friends!
Speaker #2
He saves you a lot of money on insurance.
Speaker #1
He does. Oh, I'm gonna turn into a lizard!
Speaker #0
I'm not part of the game right now, Spider-Man 2. Oh, yeah? He's terrifying in the game. Dude, yeah. He looks like Blue Oyster Cult wrote him. Oh, oh, they say he got to go. Oh, oh,
Speaker #1
Kirk Connors. I like it. But frankly, it needs more what? It needs more Cowbell.
Speaker #0
Oh!
Speaker #1
We need more Connors in this story. Yes, I'm Norman Osborn, the Norman Osborn.
Speaker #0
You could have been a good Norman.
Speaker #1
Connors, I got to say, you have what appears to be some dynamite research.
Speaker #0
Yes, I've been working on this for a few months. It's going to work out my one arm into two again, but it's going to be a lizard arm.
Speaker #1
Yes, yes,
Speaker #0
a lizard arm. My villain name, get ready for it. I'm ready. The lizard. I'm wet. Yeah. Yes. It's got a hand that dresses up like a vulture. His name is going to be the vulture. I love it. Then we got this guy's a magician. His name is David Blaine.
Speaker #1
My name is going to be Anal Beads.
Speaker #0
Yeah, what was... What's the role of the back of his head?
Speaker #1
I have the ability to put beads up my hand. Yeah,
Speaker #0
go streaky, nicky dick.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
Face out.
Speaker #1
In and out.
Speaker #2
Call me...
Speaker #1
Actually, that's... I changed my mind. I'm going to be the In-N-Out Burger.
Speaker #0
He's just having conversations with himself.
Speaker #1
Yeah, the In-N-Out Burglar. Back to the In-N-Out Burger.
Speaker #0
I'm feeling it. That's like when nobody asked me, and he was like, yeah, I want to be the Eggman. I can make him terrified. From Batman. Uh, after Lizard Wells, we got after Connors.
Speaker #1
Uh, Fisk. Ooh.
Speaker #0
Yeah. He's just... I forget he's a Spider-Man villain. When he's a Spider-Man villain, he's great. When he's a Daredevil villain, he's great.
Speaker #1
And he's both in this. He's both.
Speaker #0
I don't know why they're not doing a street-level team-up with Daredevil and Spider-Man going after D'Onofrio. I gotta beg for that. I don't need to see him in space again.
Speaker #1
I would love to see D'Onofrio in space.
Speaker #0
When I was a boy.
Speaker #1
What the fuck? I thought I could make this rocket something better than it is. They're beautiful. Sugar and sugar water. You took that away from me.
Speaker #0
Yeah, and they're just going to put him in space again, and we'll see him with Jackman at Deadpool, and just we're going to get, the MCU movies are going to become Rise of Skywalker. Just ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. Send him to Mars.
Speaker #2
We're doing.
Speaker #0
The coolest fucking out-of-pocket scene ever is when he's in space losing oxygen, and Tony sends him a suit up from space, and it attaches. Boom, it's the Iron Spider suit, and you go, oh, shit. And then he finds himself. You think he parachutes back to Earth, but he's Spider-Man, and he's in the ship. Just like, you can't top that. They ended No Way Home perfectly. That's the one I'm thinking of, right? The third one where he's back to street level. He's got, he's got, this is, I just don't know why we can't go back to that. Let me just get him fighting, just clocking, talking shit. Bring him back to the Screets, man. That's where Spidey belongs. He's the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. That friendly motherfucker long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Queens. The Screets.
Speaker #2
Yo, they shat on Spidey in the street. Like Queen.
Speaker #1
That is what we are.
Speaker #0
Swinging from the building. Running from Osborne.
Speaker #1
No buildings in between.
Speaker #0
Queens is kind of shit. If you are Peter Parker. Yeah, they did shit on Queens. They said something about drivers and addresses.
Speaker #2
It's like, I'm trying to keep you safe. And fucking MJ is like.
Speaker #1
All in love with MJ Watson.
Speaker #0
And there's that for characters.
Speaker #1
That's the character.
Speaker #0
So we start with origins.
Speaker #1
Origins.
Speaker #0
The origins.
Speaker #1
The origins. The origins. What is the origins?
Speaker #2
Tell me what the origins are.
Speaker #1
Tell me everything.
Speaker #2
The
Speaker #1
Peter Parker is the Peter. So Peter Parker is the Peter.
Speaker #2
I can't take it. You going from that to that.
Speaker #1
Where is this Peter hiding?
Speaker #2
Where is this Oz I've been hearing of?
Speaker #0
The Oz... I'm tired of asking this. This is the last time. Where is the rebel spider? There it is.
Speaker #1
It's all on the boat. The Oz is what we take at the club in Berlin.
Speaker #0
I'm understanding why we're getting these downloads in Berlin now. Really big dare.
Speaker #2
Because we had nine.
Speaker #1
Zero. They love the Germans.
Speaker #0
They do not love us back.
Speaker #1
They do not. They love you two back.
Speaker #0
We give you another signature target. They watch you the way Jameson watches Peter swing.
Speaker #2
Sounds like us now. I guess we should listen.
Speaker #1
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.
Speaker #2
I must know his birth sign.
Speaker #1
There, there.
Speaker #0
It's a spider. It's always spiders.
Speaker #2
It's like creepy crawlers.
Speaker #1
The boys, the spider, the unpopular song by Zihu.
Speaker #2
So the spider got out.
Speaker #0
He gets the worst power as a teenager, the ability to punch walls.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and stick to them. Yeah,
Speaker #0
yeah. They're like,
Speaker #1
wow, Peter, these pages are stuck together. Oh,
Speaker #0
they came like that. And also Mary Jane just splattered all over that building. And nothing to do with Spider-Man swinging her. She didn't.
Speaker #1
Mary, I love you. Oh, God, there's my webbing.
Speaker #2
Mary Jane.
Speaker #1
Mary Jane. It's a secret. I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Speaker #0
She's next door neighbor. She's got red hair to match my costume Do you love me and me? I mean Mary Jane That was a Freudian, Freudian, Freudian, Freudian slip, slip,
Speaker #1
slip I got five on it Grab your hands and escape I got five on it
Speaker #0
Get three more and you'll be Doc Ock He's got eight legs cause he is an octopus I got five on it
Speaker #1
Messing with Parker
Speaker #0
Pete. That's if you put his name forward and backward. Here.
Speaker #2
Well, yeah, Brent likes the back first.
Speaker #1
Go there, Brent, go.
Speaker #0
Get your vote on.
Speaker #1
Get your vote on. Get your vote on. Yeah, the back's pretty good.
Speaker #2
I hate it from the back.
Speaker #1
You know what else is good? The back.
Speaker #2
Guess who's back? Back again. Brent is back.
Speaker #0
But he's gay. That's not sick,
Speaker #2
your friend.
Speaker #0
Travolta was walking at night with a guy.
Speaker #1
I'd like to create a monster because nobody wants Travolta anymore. Well,
Speaker #0
it's Johnny. He's chopped liver.
Speaker #1
If you want Johnny, this is what I'll tell you. Fuck me in the ass. With some hot liquor. With some hot liquor.
Speaker #0
I could do a straight two. Another take. Bring us back, Mr. Pencushion.
Speaker #1
There we go. Origins. Peter Parker is bitten by a genetically altered spider at Oscorp. I know, right? Can you believe it?
Speaker #0
I'm flustered. I know. I'm flabbergasted.
Speaker #1
Can you believe a guy bit by a spider would be a... Spider-Man. I'm Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
I forgot what comic it was, but it was an old comedian who was like, all superheroes are Jewish. You got Batman. You got Spider-Man. You got Iron Man. They're all Jewish fellas.
Speaker #1
That sounds like a Bob Newhart thing.
Speaker #0
I think it might have been.
Speaker #1
So he gets superhuman abilities. Norman Osborn tries to replicate the experiment that gave Peter his powers, which results in the creation of the Green Goblin Doc Ock. And eventually, Hobgoblin...
Speaker #0
You can't do this to me. I created this company. He's gay, but he's also Norman Osborn. He's the Green Goblin. There's many facets to his character.
Speaker #1
That was Willem Dafoe, right?
Speaker #0
It was Willem Dafriend. He speaks much better. Willem Dafoe is down here, Peter.
Speaker #1
So, after the death of his uncle Ben at the hands of a thief, Peter, that Peter could have stopped, he adopts the identity of Spider-Man, vowing to use his powers responsibly. So... so that's the part where that's my problem exactly what's the guy's name the actor dennis from marina no i remember that from our first episode so the actor's name apparently is like michael pap about it i just thought his thing i thought the character was named dennis farina which is just an actor from get shorty we don't have those wires crossed you're about to make a mistake one day uh
Speaker #0
but this was the this is i mean ben dies he's gotta die uh he's he's uh peter's guilt uh ridden and um this dan slott said is biggest Peter Parker, Spider-Man's biggest villain is Peter Parker. This is how you see him sort of deal with the, he doesn't come out for lack of a better term, swinging.
Speaker #1
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker #2
Out of the park.
Speaker #1
This hits harder. Right at the end zone. He just, he scored a hat trick.
Speaker #0
He don't have his shit together. Spider-Man never does and that's why I think people love him so much because he's relatable.
Speaker #2
They don't let you forget it either.
Speaker #0
No, because the
Speaker #2
In the recaps, everyone through issues one through seven, they're like, Peter Parker is a dork. He's gone off top.
Speaker #0
His bank account's overdrawn.
Speaker #2
They're like, still a dork. Literally, it goes all the way to issue five, and then they're like, okay, he's not.
Speaker #1
He's seven hours time. Peter Parker was a nerd.
Speaker #2
Well, everyone's giving him a fucking hard time.
Speaker #1
Then he was a stapler. Now Peter is a carrot. He's going to see being a carrot isn't as easy as it looks.
Speaker #0
Dave, where Peter Parker has fumbled the bags.
Speaker #1
In the next arc.
Speaker #0
the carrot rated pg-13 now he's just a depressed toy yeah um peter uh it seems like you're sad i'm gonna handle them so well in um the second spider-verse movie because the first one they show the great you know he has a breakup with mary jane and it's a very relatable spider-man and then in the second one he gets his shit together and he has mayday and some of the best scenes with them and he's still like he's he kind of teaches miles the wrong lesson and miles has the greatest line in any Spider-Man movie, I think, which is, no, I'm going to do my own thing. That inspires me every time I watch it. That's a great one. It's so great. It's so great. Not to get off topic, but Ultimate really started my love for Spider-Man and so many other people's too, because his mask covers the whole face, as what Stan Lee said, so anyone can see themselves in Spider-Man.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And what's cool is in this one, we really get to know Ben more than you do with the original comic, and you're like, you really feel the pain of losing Ben, because he was a great guy. And when Peter's struggling, Ben doesn't get angry at him. He just keeps saying, snap out of it, Peter. Like, I know you can. And so the pain Peter feels, we feel it. And also, you get a cool dichotomy in this. Because Peter gets spider powers. And even though he loses his Uncle Ben, his life starts getting pretty cool. Other than that, like, he starts dating Mary Jane. He still has his mom. Not his mom, but he still has Mae, who's basically his mom. Harry's life falls apart. Dude.
Speaker #0
Because of Normans.
Speaker #1
Because Normans.
Speaker #2
Peter gets a fucking glow up.
Speaker #1
Peter gets a glow up.
Speaker #2
And he needs so much at once that he's like, I don't know what to do. I'm just a dork.
Speaker #1
And Harry's like.
Speaker #0
No, really? Yeah. He's not used to this.
Speaker #1
Yeah, he's not.
Speaker #0
Harry's used to everything going for him. Yeah. He's like Barron Trump. Yeah, exactly. He's kind of a billionaire. Peter's a poor kid who got spider powers and shit's working out. Harry.
Speaker #1
I think it's something like Tiffany. It's something like that.
Speaker #0
He was one of my kids, Tiffany. But like,
Speaker #1
it's...
Speaker #0
He becomes a...
Speaker #1
He's an annoying husband.
Speaker #0
What, uh... Yeah, is that when we get into the gobby?
Speaker #1
Yeah, so... Peter, his first enemy he fights is a goblin, and Peter doesn't know who it is. And Harry's like, that's my dad. And he killed... The goblin killed Harry's mom, and then Harry disappears, and we don't see Harry or Norman again. until this next arc, the Goblin, returns. And he looks...
Speaker #0
He's a complete redesign of the Goblin. Oh, Harry? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker #1
Harry is cool, yeah.
Speaker #2
First came on, that's who I was talking about earlier.
Speaker #1
Oh, you mean as me as Travolta? Yeah.
Speaker #2
Yeah, he just said something like, God rest his soul.
Speaker #1
Yeah, that Gwen Stacy, holy patootie. I mean, she's hot, but not as hot as Flash Thompson.
Speaker #2
Like in a leather jacket. Yeah. I was like, this is Brent in a comic book. Like, I loved it. Yeah. Daddy.
Speaker #0
I still see you as Spider-Man.
Speaker #1
Aw.
Speaker #0
I read, I read the comics in Brent's voice or Morty. It's pretty, it's the same thing.
Speaker #2
Yeah, I keep, I'm.
Speaker #0
There's two Jewish comedy writers.
Speaker #2
There's only two.
Speaker #0
There's only two.
Speaker #1
Always two there are.
Speaker #0
No more, no less. A master and an apprentice. But which was destroyed.
Speaker #1
Now that I do not.
Speaker #0
Sitting at the same funeral I am. Furious, you make me, Nick.
Speaker #1
Yes, yes. I think we're going to fuck that green Yoda.
Speaker #0
Yes, yes. What's her name? I'm her Yaddle. Yes, yes, yes. Yaddle-daddle, squaddle-daddle. I don't care what color her lightsaber is. Mine is raging hot. You louder.
Speaker #1
You pick me. Hey. That Norman Osborn was the green godless.
Speaker #0
The spider was radioactive. You know, somehow you know. I could not prove it. You know, somehow the boy was the chosen one.
Speaker #1
And Mary eventually sees Peter and she goes, hey, hey, Peter. She goes, she goes, he goes, yeah, I'm Spider-Man. She goes, yeah, that's right.
Speaker #2
I figured.
Speaker #1
Yeah, I figured.
Speaker #0
Yeah, we know.
Speaker #1
So the goblin returned.
Speaker #0
Coming in at 3 a.m. every night, fucked up. You don't play football, bitch.
Speaker #1
4 a.m.
Speaker #0
4 a.m., yeah.
Speaker #1
With two chains. Peter's like, I'm different, yeah, I'm different.
Speaker #0
I'm Spider. He's two shooters instead of two chains. Two webs.
Speaker #1
Web sling is up to the competition.
Speaker #2
That was good. That is rich.
Speaker #1
They'll pull up to the scene with a mask he's missing. So the goblin returns. Norman, who's now the Green Goblin, returns after seeming.
Speaker #0
He looks like a cousin on meth.
Speaker #1
He does, yeah. He looks crazy. And he's insane now. And he's demanding Peter join him. Right.
Speaker #0
He's a festive teenager. at his highest right here. He's very Scott Pilgrim.
Speaker #1
You are James Franco's dad.
Speaker #0
An apple doesn't fall far from the tree because it can't, thanks to the judge's decree.
Speaker #1
Norman was reading a lot of Scott Pilgrim. He was.
Speaker #2
They cut it down. They cut that tree.
Speaker #0
They're giving training. We're right back. This apple's rotten. This apple was very... Seth Rogen distanced himself from this apple very quickly.
Speaker #2
It's like the witch with the old apple and stuff.
Speaker #1
Yeah,
Speaker #0
yeah. It's the... Yeah. Tasty. It's hot. I know what an acting class means. You ain't getting me like Travolta.
Speaker #2
I'm going to take an apple from a hooded bitch.
Speaker #1
Yes, yes, take the apple.
Speaker #2
Get this girl. She's going to wake up.
Speaker #1
It's the second time you've slapped me.
Speaker #0
First week.
Speaker #1
I have created this apple. That was Peter Lorre for all the youngins out there. A very topical reference.
Speaker #2
That was a cream like one could use.
Speaker #1
So the battle between Spidey and Goblin intensifies. It leads to Norman's capture by S.H.I.E.L.D. And this is so intense because Norman's defeated when Harry, like, stabs him with a beam. And this is so brutal for Harry because Norman was never there for Harry. Norman wasn't there.
Speaker #2
Take me to the fair. It was all the way in Queens.
Speaker #1
Just, just. And then he turns it around. He goes, Harry, Harry, give your dad a hug.
Speaker #0
You know, I'm something of an absent father. myself.
Speaker #1
I'm hip. I'm with it. I'ma turn you into a goblin, Harry.
Speaker #0
I feel like you write your outlines like Norman Osborn was fighting off the Goblin mask in Spider-Man 1. He just knows it's there and it's just sitting there and you're like, all right, pull the balloon back down. He's like, no, tell them this is a figure pack from 1963 Spider-Man.
Speaker #1
Do it.
Speaker #0
It's Kurtzberg.
Speaker #1
Do it.
Speaker #0
Do it. Yes, Skywalker. If he could be turned, he would become a powerful Spider-Boy. He will join us.
Speaker #1
What is that bidding my outline?
Speaker #0
There's a great disturbance in Queens. It was terrorism.
Speaker #1
Like, what was that about Queens?
Speaker #2
First one we were talking about where Babe's like, yeah, me and Ben, we heard ruckus. And he was like, it's a squirrel in the kitchen. And she's like, squirrel and queens? That's not New York.
Speaker #0
There's a lot of squirrels and queens.
Speaker #2
And twins. And twins. And I. Ah.
Speaker #0
Love. Love.
Speaker #1
That never ends.
Speaker #2
And those twins.
Speaker #1
And twins.
Speaker #0
What is? No.
Speaker #2
You're too young for that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. That I'm a dot lens.
Speaker #0
Oh, I remember that one. That was the first thing my dad ever downloaded.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah?
Speaker #0
What's that? Remember the Justice? They did a dub over with all those characters. Oh,
Speaker #1
did they? Yeah. Oh.
Speaker #0
It was like the first meme.
Speaker #1
Well, they did a scary movie, which I loved. Yeah.
Speaker #0
I never saw it. My ex loved it, and I refused.
Speaker #2
It was not scary.
Speaker #1
Yeah. But it was funny. It was a movie. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Hollywood, next star. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Well, I like this Hollywood art because it was...
Speaker #1
It's meta.
Speaker #0
Yeah, and it's very meta. And some of the big shots decide to make a Spider-Man movie based on his life. And Peter hates every minute of it.
Speaker #1
And Opie's in it. Avi Orange's in it. Yeah. Sam Raimi's in it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, the guy who makes all the decisions for all things Spider-Man is in it. And that's very funny that he was also in this. Him and Amy Pascal. yeah yeah they're the two spider spider exactly yeah don't say that about this lady this you'll kill her it's kind of like it was the it's commentary on how the uh uh superhero movies are exploiting the popularity of the blockbuster type and bendis was poking a lot of fun at it's kind of like invincible season two when they're meeting uh yeah he meets the creator of danger dog or whoever it is that he likes and They had to rush the second season, and he's talking about how animation takes a long time, and sometimes you'll notice they'll cut away from the mouth so they don't have to animate it. Sorry,
Speaker #1
animation takes a long time. And who voices Danger Dog?
Speaker #0
Who does?
Speaker #1
Rob Delaney.
Speaker #2
I knew that was a question that you would take the answer for.
Speaker #1
A.K.A. Peter. Yeah. Hey, Peter.
Speaker #2
Oh, Rob Delaney.
Speaker #1
Peter Poole? Yeah. Peter Poole.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker #1
Peter Ful.
Speaker #0
That's Ben.
Speaker #2
Oh, my God. I'm so obsessed with him.
Speaker #1
With Delaney? Or Peter.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Or Wade.
Speaker #2
In a weird way. Yeah. I will digress in now.
Speaker #1
Daddy Rob.
Speaker #2
Is getting wet in here.
Speaker #0
Peter, are you wearing the water?
Speaker #2
My caution, wet floor sign. Yes,
Speaker #0
there is. That ain't just spider senses tingling.
Speaker #1
Spidey senses are tingling. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Duffman is getting aroused.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah. Duffman has quarter chopped.
Speaker #0
Court of Judgment. Oh, yeah. Duffman got bit by a spider and got cancer.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #2
Duffman is now Hartman.
Speaker #0
Literally.
Speaker #1
I love you, Shelly.
Speaker #2
I love you. Come out of here, Shelly, please.
Speaker #1
So, yeah, super meta. And the Spidey movie's coming out. It attracts Doc Ock's attention. So Doc Ock was in the same explosion.
Speaker #0
Just like Alfred Molina.
Speaker #1
Just like Alfred Molina. Bye, Molina.
Speaker #0
Oh, I got the part, son. It is in the palm of my hand. Peter Parker.
Speaker #2
It is really.
Speaker #1
You can't, if we keep,
Speaker #0
you can't keep bringing that up every time we do Bane. We told you it's grandfathered in.
Speaker #1
It's grandfathered in.
Speaker #2
God, Bane, you're so dumb.
Speaker #1
Stop trying to make such happen. Next time on the show, if you like the nap. are good for you, Glenn Coco, who are non-profession leaders.
Speaker #0
I'm Tom Hardy for this new Venom movie coming out.
Speaker #2
That is going to become part of my regular vocabulary.
Speaker #0
It is in mine. I'm Tom Hardy right now.
Speaker #1
Venom! Venom! We are! We are! Venom!
Speaker #0
We are! He comes quick, just like me. That's why I love him.
Speaker #1
Obagoya.
Speaker #0
Venom! That's what I say when I come. I also love I love I love Venom I hate in Spider-Man 3 him hearing him go I because Topher they shoehorned in Venom Venom is we yeah it's him and Eddie it's a bonding thing it's very weird they're so true yes yeah they're bonding oh they're bonded they're bonded we're bonded Eddie
Speaker #1
So Doc Ock escapes shield custody. He wreaks havoc on the film set, forcing Peter to confront him once again.
Speaker #0
And forcing production to shut down for three days.
Speaker #1
And forcing production to shut down. And they end up using the footage of the fight in the movie. And Peter doesn't make a dime off it.
Speaker #0
It's like in the Twilight Zone movie where that guy dies.
Speaker #1
You mean every Twilight Zone episode?
Speaker #0
No, someone died in the 80s Twilight Zone movie.
Speaker #1
Oh, what, really?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And they used it in the movie?
Speaker #0
It was something with a helicopter. Oh, shit.
Speaker #1
Oh, that's like a Brandon Lee thing. Yeah. Like, cause they, they probably felt, yeah, they probably filmed his, his probably used it.
Speaker #0
Cause Brandon Lee got shot on set and died during filming of the crow.
Speaker #2
That's kind of like this frigging, uh, Hollywood issue.
Speaker #0
That's yeah.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #2
And like the real Spider-Man comes in. He's like, are you rolling? Are you rolling? We're going to get that. You just saved us $1.2 million.
Speaker #0
Bruce Lee did that in a movie. Someone showed up to set to.
Speaker #1
Bruce Lee is on my head. Don't call me Lee head. Now, please excuse me. I gots to get my tree fed.
Speaker #0
I don't remember if it's a real story or if they put it in the biopic, but they hated the fact that he was teaching Americans martial arts and they showed up to set to fight him and he held his own and they kept a lot of the role.
Speaker #1
Well, that's what, if you've ever seen the movie, Ant-Man 4. Yes. Yes. So that's, that's a big part of it. Like. If his master, like his like grand sensei, like ends up coming to San Francisco because he's teaching. Yeah, because Bruce has basically been like a pariah for teaching Americans.
Speaker #0
That's why I refuse.
Speaker #1
Like I thought it meant for it meant for movies are amazing.
Speaker #0
There's those studios everywhere. There's only one person who could have taught it. And that was Bruce Lee. He wrote the Tao of Jeet Kune Do after, you know, when he was getting Sharon. Was that his wife's name? Sharon Lee. That might have been a daughter's name. But he's like the one guy who you could learn it from. The book is great. And if you're interested in Bruce Lee or if you're interested in comics, I would highly recommend the Dao Ji Kendo. It's just very... I love the mastery of that guy.
Speaker #1
Watch Enter the Dragon 2. It is the best.
Speaker #0
The best Bruce Lee movie.
Speaker #1
You come straight out of a comic book.
Speaker #0
Man, you come straight out of a comic book. Jim Kelly. My man,
Speaker #1
Luke Cage. The inspiration for Grandmaster Bushino Brown.
Speaker #0
My dog.
Speaker #1
That was one of the best YouTube comments that we got. When we, uh, someone like we talked about Bushido Brown into the attack on Titan episode. And he goes, I'm sorry. Uh, I'm sorry guys, but it's Brad and Matt Bushido Brown.
Speaker #0
Yeah. As someone who grew up with a black dad who loved comic books, I was exposed to nothing but Bruce Lee and, uh, and, and, uh, comics. And that's where my love of green Hornet came in.
Speaker #1
That's what I'm telling you. Immortal iron fist. You will love that book.
Speaker #0
I'm looking forward to it, but also down the road.
Speaker #1
Yeah. It's also Danny Rand, and we love sitting on Danny Rand, who we will shit on very soon. Yes,
Speaker #0
give it to me.
Speaker #1
Hobgoblin is the next arc. So this is...
Speaker #0
73 through 79.
Speaker #1
Yeah, this one...
Speaker #0
Harry's got daddy.
Speaker #1
Harry's got daddy issues. He transforms into the Hobgoblin under the influence of his father's Oz formula because he was in that explosion.
Speaker #0
Yeah, he's been slowly unraveling since the start of the series.
Speaker #2
Get explosion.
Speaker #1
Nice. So Peter must face his best friend in a tragic battle that pushes their friendship to the brink. A wrap. Because this is where we realize Harry's psyche was totally fractured, and he's seeing these visions of his father's wet work assassin guy. That's not us. Yeah, wait, wait. Yeah.
Speaker #0
You wet.
Speaker #1
Look out,
Speaker #0
hello. Have you brought pumpkin? Pumpkin for my bum? Settle down, Harry.
Speaker #1
It's like I'm ready for that watermelon sugar. That watermelon sugar.
Speaker #0
Are you spanking the monkey in there? I'm fighting, I'm giving Spider-Man all the attention my father never gave me. That's pretty cool.
Speaker #1
You remind me of my father.
Speaker #2
You remind me of my dad.
Speaker #0
Dad,
Speaker #1
I want cereal.
Speaker #0
Turn himself into a guy. Blinkers, Spidey's blue. And he was jealous of the things that he could do.
Speaker #1
Because Peter is a Jew. Peter is a Jew. He is a Jew.
Speaker #0
It's seven o'clock on the dot. Peter is celebrating Shabbat.
Speaker #2
Better turn off the lights, we don't use electricity these nights.
Speaker #1
He says, Meshugganah 2.
Speaker #0
This pod just keeps getting more and more Jewish.
Speaker #2
Oh, we are converting by the minute.
Speaker #0
Excellent. I have more circumstances.
Speaker #2
We're trying to bring in the one.
Speaker #0
Petal Smithers. Minority. Yes, sir. It's supposed to represent the days of burning of oil. Oil. That'll do us no good. We are nuclear-powered Smithers. I demand you to... I will blow out all those candles. Sir, do not blow out the candles. You'll herniate your disc again. Put out that candle and buy the
Speaker #2
Talmud. We're going to do Rosh Hashanah.
Speaker #0
Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah.
Speaker #1
Honestly, you guys... It was like a very factually... Like, everything was accurate in your guys'riff there.
Speaker #2
Just like we were host.
Speaker #0
Yeah, I said October 8th. I sat down and listened. I'm foghorn Jew horn. Drop that out, please, Will.
Speaker #1
Heaven's megatrods, even. Exit stage left.
Speaker #0
I thought it was like Shatner. That was us.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #0
I am going down. Please, someone help me. Beam me up to the hospital, Scott.
Speaker #2
I can't do it.
Speaker #0
I can't give it any more, Captain. You got to stop drinking, sir.
Speaker #1
The faces seem the same.
Speaker #0
Live long and prosper, which I will not, because I smoked my entire life.
Speaker #1
I, too, am. Jewish.
Speaker #0
Shatner.
Speaker #1
That's all I was trying to get to. Shatner is.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Because TJ Hooker was like right. That was the show he did.
Speaker #1
Oh, OK. That's what I'll do.
Speaker #2
JT prostitute.
Speaker #0
No. That's who he was chasing. Because it was a cop show.
Speaker #2
Chasing tail.
Speaker #0
It's really bad. Yeah. So is Kirk. Fucking a green bitch. And gang, this is Kobayashi Maru. Oh, I cheated on Kobayashi Maru because I was with my smiz-maru. Kif, you'll have to defeat Khan and watch Spock make a sacrifice. I won't let you do it because I live to be 150.
Speaker #1
Peter, you're going to have to make up with Mary Jane because you don't want to end up sad and alone. Thanks, all right. So the hobgob. So the hobgob. Hobgob. Hobgob. I love his design in this,
Speaker #0
too. Yeah, it is. It's very cool. I love the orange cloak, but this design was very cool.
Speaker #1
It's also so tragic, too, because you realize the whole, he's been baiting Peter this entire arc, and it's just because he wants Peter to kill him. He's in so much pain.
Speaker #0
It reminds me of Marvin Gaye. You know Marvin Gaye's last words were? uh what he got his dad to shoot him oh i didn't know he egged his dad oh he egged his dad out he as he's holding his brother there's brothers holding him his last words where i got him to do what i couldn't do that's what marvin gaye's last words were because he he egged his dad out and his dad shot him pled guilty i only did like five years what's going on that was yeah yeah it was actual sexual healing yeah that's a bullet on When I get back in,
Speaker #2
I know I won't be healing.
Speaker #0
Because I got no progenitor, in fact. Peter.
Speaker #2
Peter fucking Parker. He's getting smarter and stronger.
Speaker #0
Because I got bit by a spider and I got spider powers.
Speaker #2
He's got eight legs. Nine.
Speaker #0
Mine only four. It's shooting whips.
Speaker #2
It's kind of hot, yeah.
Speaker #0
In the friend zone.
Speaker #2
He's just horny. Cause he hasn't hit puberty.
Speaker #1
I'm actually just liking the serenade there.
Speaker #0
Girl, let me move you. Unless Gwen stays there. Wrap it back in half. That's good for Pete.
Speaker #2
Where's Mary Jane? Who cares?
Speaker #0
Gwen's out to meet you.
Speaker #2
Mary Jane! We should just drop a mixtape.
Speaker #0
We are going to get copyright stricken like a motherfucker. Brad, pick us back up.
Speaker #1
Back from the remix. Now it's all on Hobgoblin. No.
Speaker #0
We're not even halfway through this, motherfucker. No,
Speaker #1
we're actually more than halfway through.
Speaker #0
Oh, we are. We are. Okay, sorry.
Speaker #1
But yeah, no, Hob... Hobgoblin is... So this is where... Where were we in this? Oh, yeah. So Hobgoblin is begging Peter to kill him. And... Peter. That was sad. It's so sad because Harry's in just so much pain. He just wants to end his suffering and Fury comes in and he gets all...
Speaker #2
And his dad affected him? Or like, how the fuck did this happen?
Speaker #1
Because he was in the explosion. Oh. So when Norman Osborn experimented on himself, like, exactly. So Otto turns into Doc Ock. Rick, Gishay, Morty.
Speaker #2
Rick, Gishay,
Speaker #1
Morty. Now that I'm Morty,
Speaker #0
Rick, Gishay, and Morty.
Speaker #2
Oh, jeez,
Speaker #0
I got these powers. I don't want them. Rick,
Speaker #1
please kill me. The what?
Speaker #0
Motherfucker.
Speaker #1
You got these what? It burns.
Speaker #0
What did you say you got,
Speaker #1
Morty? He got the power. God damn it, Morty. It's a... The sun in the... In the bottom of his fucking hands, Morty. Fucking hands.
Speaker #0
Right after Morty, but he killed a woman.
Speaker #2
Invested in me. Oh,
Speaker #0
jeez, don't bring it up.
Speaker #1
Mr. Nimbus.
Speaker #0
He controls the police,
Speaker #1
Morty.
Speaker #2
You mean the cops? You talking to the cops?
Speaker #0
You been talking to the cops,
Speaker #1
yes. We been talking to the cops.
Speaker #0
Have you, Peter?
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
What you been saying? Hey, what's up? The cops don't like it.
Speaker #1
I was saying... Peter,
Speaker #0
why did you stop 9-11?
Speaker #1
I mean, that Harry's not dropping smart all the time....in this house.
Speaker #0
It started in 2000, Peter. Of course. You stopped 9-11, Pete. He could've. But he didn't. He didn't. I'm a David Norton.
Speaker #2
I'm a great executive.
Speaker #1
I feel guilty about his uncle's death.
Speaker #0
What about all the people in his towers? He was fine to see it. And Fury could have stopped 9-11 too. He led to heaven.
Speaker #2
Baby.
Speaker #0
He was on the board of Halliburton. Don't you want to stop 9-11?
Speaker #2
Goblin.
Speaker #1
Goblin.
Speaker #0
We ain't never getting out of this article.
Speaker #2
Oh, gosh.
Speaker #1
But yes. Hot dogs. Fury and, uh, Fury and, uh. Remember your back on it.
Speaker #2
Hot dogs. No girl likes that. That's how it started. And I was like, what? I would love this amount of hot dogs.
Speaker #1
Wait, we started with a hot dog?
Speaker #2
That's how the Hobgoblin started, that issue.
Speaker #1
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Speaker #2
It was in my notes because I like hot dogs. Sorry, continue.
Speaker #0
I was, we were listening to you.
Speaker #1
That was it. That's all I have. I just like. Oh,
Speaker #2
okay.
Speaker #0
We'll make that mistake again.
Speaker #1
Fuck five guys. Fuck these two guys.
Speaker #2
God. The In-N-Out Burglar.
Speaker #0
It's a bar bar. It's around two hours. It's shit.
Speaker #2
Yes. My anal beads are ready. Faisal? Faisal.
Speaker #1
Guys, Brent loses his mind.
Speaker #2
I know.
Speaker #0
You mention one guy,
Speaker #2
nobody panics. You mention five guys, well,
Speaker #0
Brent just looks at all of his impressions.
Speaker #2
You see, I just lined up the dog.
Speaker #1
A blunt.
Speaker #2
Introduce, introduce a bukkake. A bukkake. I've established a relationship with bukkake. Everything is facing semen. I'm thinking of semen. And you know the thing about semen? You know the thing about semen? It's wet. It's sticky.
Speaker #1
Wet work.
Speaker #2
Wet work. You see, on the subject of wet work, Shaw, who is the wet work guy for Norman Osborn, represents Harry's psyche where he's asking Peter to take his life. And so when Fury and his men take Harry out, Peter's fucking, he decks Fury. He's like, how could you let this happen? You were looking after Harry and he turned into this.
Speaker #0
Because he knows, yeah, Fury does let it happen.
Speaker #2
Yeah, it happened on Fury's, because Fury was basically like, I don't have time for this shit. No can do. Yeah,
Speaker #1
he always pops up out of nowhere. I got time for that.
Speaker #2
Take on Peter Parker.
Speaker #0
He's a brat.
Speaker #1
Take Fury home.
Speaker #2
We're killing Harry. Peter's powers will be gone in a day or two.
Speaker #0
So needless to say, Peter Parker, he gets fucked again and again. And then they clone that weird motherfucker.
Speaker #2
Stolen away One is disguised as Kane Harry's dead Harry's dead
Speaker #0
We're so good What happens in the Is that the end?
Speaker #2
That's the end of Hot Mouth Okay then we get
Speaker #0
The When one Spider-Man is It's enough We get to the
Speaker #2
Attack of the Clones We get the attack of the What's interesting is The Clone Saga is the Worst thing to happen To Spider-Man in the Amazing series And yet Bendis makes it Awesome in this I love it
Speaker #1
Silent!
Speaker #2
Silent!
Speaker #0
It's what, it's, yeah, they nodded to it with the Ben Reilly, Andy Samberg, and the Spider-Verse. This is the only time it was done right.
Speaker #2
Yeah. That's exactly.
Speaker #1
Kitty comes into play.
Speaker #0
Kitty Pride. Kitty.
Speaker #2
Kitty. Kitty. Kitty.
Speaker #0
It's crossed over with the X-Men quite a bunch.
Speaker #2
Rawr. I'm a cat.
Speaker #0
That's Smithers when he's off the clock.
Speaker #2
Yeah. Smithers. I'll get there. I'm getting there.
Speaker #0
Getting there. What? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Speaker #2
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Speaker #0
Why was this clone saga done so well?
Speaker #2
uh what'd you say because i think bendis knew he bendis had a start and he had a finish to it it felt like they were writing the clone saga as it was going on in the 70s yeah it was miles warren was involved the jackal then they brought it back in the 90s with ben reilly it felt like that someone like was just ripped that was when it was the worst yeah it just felt like someone was like ripping lines and was just like that's yeah ben peter and then ben reilly actually no peter's ben And we're going to bring back Norman and Strauss.
Speaker #0
It's going to be amazing. Yeah, we talked about it in Life Story, I think. Did we do Spider-Man Life Story in this pod? No. Fantastic Four Life Story.
Speaker #2
FF Life Story, yeah.
Speaker #0
We were just in our private life. Back when two men talked to each other and we didn't let anyone know what happened.
Speaker #2
Yeah, our private life where we make out with each other. Wait, did I say that? I meant make out with each other. There were two cameras. Yeah, there's cameras. Not gay if I tried not to enjoy it.
Speaker #1
It's not gay if I'm recording.
Speaker #0
There was no direction of where the clones should be.
Speaker #2
be and in this one every clone was written to have to be somewhere like there was a clone that was working for shield one served a purpose exactly yeah yeah so yeah this one so peter discovers multiple clones of himself this includes a female version who is actually jessica jessica drew others include scorpion tarantula cane and this is the one that's so brutal peter reunites with his father richard and you find you find out yeah take i'm not your father i'm not a father
Speaker #0
Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. He told me you killed him. No, I am not a crook.
Speaker #2
It's impossible.
Speaker #0
Such a failing human being.
Speaker #2
My father died in the Cloud Wars.
Speaker #0
That's what your uncle told you. He didn't want you following old Sir Mickey Dick on some damn holistic, idealistic crusade like your father did. Luke and Ben were both raised by their uncle.
Speaker #2
You're telling me you know my father?
Speaker #0
He was the best pilot in the galaxy. An iconic warrior. I understand you've become quite a good pilot yourself, my friend. And he was a good friend.
Speaker #1
You're gonna let that one lie.
Speaker #0
I think you keep going.
Speaker #2
Yes, I'll stop.
Speaker #1
Let that sleeping viper lie.
Speaker #0
Of course I know him. He's me. I have known by the name of Peter Parker since, oh, before I was Peter Parker.
Speaker #1
Hello there.
Speaker #2
Hello there. Hello there.
Speaker #0
I cloned that. General Clonobian,
Speaker #2
you are a clone. I was taught the art of cloning. To Octavius himself.
Speaker #0
My favorite fucking line is him going, I was trained in the Jedi arts by Count Dooku. In my head, I always go, that's good, I trained the Jedi who killed him.
Speaker #2
You know, Anakin, the guy who killed Dooku.
Speaker #0
I told him, don't try the high ground move. I know what you're going to do. And then he tried it. Turns out he wasn't the chosen one.
Speaker #1
Don't take the high road.
Speaker #0
He was born to destroy. He said you were going to destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring a balance to the force, not leave it in darkness.
Speaker #1
Getting sithy with it.
Speaker #0
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Is Anakin all right? Do you see Anakin here? No, I turned him into a hot dog. Bringing it back to you.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
That's all Darth Vader is. He's a hot dog in a suit.
Speaker #2
He's raw dog in a hot dog. He's raw dog,
Speaker #0
man. Set your feelings, Lord Vader. You will find hot dogs. Yes, my master.
Speaker #1
You ever have a hot dog in the winter?
Speaker #0
Never.
Speaker #1
Weird,
Speaker #2
right? You ever dance with a hot dog? You're going to pale the whole night? No,
Speaker #0
I'm going to pale the whole night. I like to say that to all my vendors. I just like the way it sounds. You want to get a hot dog?
Speaker #2
Let's get a hot dog. Johnny!
Speaker #0
Johnny! You wouldn't hit a guy with a hot dog, would you?
Speaker #1
Not in the face.
Speaker #0
Gentlemen, let's broaden our buns.
Speaker #2
The clone. So with the last clone, Peter reconnects with his father, Richard, who he thought died, and you find out... It's not actually Richard. It's just an older clone of Peter. Yeah. Doc. Dun, dun. Dun, dun.
Speaker #0
Just like Ray was a clone of Palpatine.
Speaker #2
Yes. And Doc Ock is revealed. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun.
Speaker #0
Joseph Smith. Smart, smart, smart. There it is. Joseph's wife. Smart, smart, smart. Joseph. Dun, dun, dun.
Speaker #2
That's a great episode.
Speaker #0
Great episode because it was right. Especially.
Speaker #2
That guy's actually pretty good. Pretty good. He's a good one.
Speaker #0
Thank you, guys. When he, the coolest thing is. They told a coherent version of the clone saga, and I'm glad because there's nothing cooler than a six-armed Spider-Man. Yeah.
Speaker #2
Oh, dude, Tarantula's great at this. So cool, yeah. But yeah, Doc Ock is revealed as the mastermind behind it. He's been working with Henry Gyrick, who is the guy who tried to kill Xavier in the X-97 episode, True Believers.
Speaker #0
Whatever you want from me, I am an X-Man.
Speaker #2
Which Roy was right about.
Speaker #0
I am always right.
Speaker #1
Until I'm left.
Speaker #0
And then I am still right.
Speaker #1
I can't turn left.
Speaker #2
I can't turn left.
Speaker #1
I can't turn left.
Speaker #2
Blue steel. Le Tigre.
Speaker #1
Is there anything more to life than just being ridiculously good looking? That's how I look at you.
Speaker #2
Are you kidding me? Just explain that whole thing.
Speaker #0
Remember that Simpsons joke where he's in the car and there's like, is there anything more beautiful than in the cloud? And he's like, if there is, I don't want to know about it.
Speaker #1
Humulus.
Speaker #0
And then was it It was his hat It was his hat Mr. Krabs He was Octopus Anything else have consequence with Otto
Speaker #2
Otto man Otto And Otto is Otto's fell backwards
Speaker #0
I'm scared
Speaker #2
Guy Rick recruited Otto To clone Peter Because he didn't like the power that Fury had. And so he wanted to create these clones of Peter. Otto was very excited because it meant ruining Peter's life. And the Richard one was really just an F you to Peter. He's like, I'm going to make you think your dad is still alive, but he's not. And you see the pain in Fury's eyes. And Peter's like, I'm going to make a deal with you, Fury. You step outside. You give me 10 minutes with Otto. And Fury does it. And Peter and Jessica... beat the shit out of Otto. Gyric gets indicted. And this is a cool moment. MJ, MJ, who actually gets experimented on by Kane and is cured by the FF. It sounds what? What? What?
Speaker #1
I get experimented by him.
Speaker #2
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. No, you do not. No, no, no. You will turn into a werewolf.
Speaker #0
Literally, he's named after Kane.
Speaker #2
He's named after...
Speaker #1
You know what happened to him?
Speaker #2
He wasn't able to stop Kane.
Speaker #1
Don't they know that or not?
Speaker #0
I only call you when I'm cloning. Pete.
Speaker #2
Kiss me through the clown. I forgot which one was me. Kiss me through the clown.
Speaker #0
See you, Norman Osborn.
Speaker #2
But in this,
Speaker #0
we get a definite answer.
Speaker #2
We get it, yeah. It's very much Peter. Ben Reilly isn't even a clone. He was the one behind it because he's the one who gave Ock the blood because he was Kurt Connors'lab assistant. And this is interesting. MJ tells Fury, she's like, Peter looks up to you like a dad. Like, can you just not give him shit all the time? And that's when Fury says to Peter, he goes, you're doing great. Like, you're on the right path. It's very much like Oberon saying that to Scott.
Speaker #1
Pat on the back.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
Yeah. If by back you mean ass, and by ass you mean dick, then yeah.
Speaker #1
If you mean slapping my ass.
Speaker #2
Yeah. Then I'm on board.
Speaker #1
I like foreplay. I'm a fan foreplay.
Speaker #2
Fantastic Four That's like four cops By Fan Four Stick We mean Fan For That's what I mean by Fan For Dick Fan For Richard
Speaker #0
That woman is invisible to me
Speaker #2
Do I look like I'm a queen? Yes Yes, yes.
Speaker #0
Bobby Bullshed, Marilyn.
Speaker #1
Bobby Boucher.
Speaker #2
We were disoited.
Speaker #0
Pavilions.
Speaker #1
Super Pavilions.
Speaker #0
And now in this pavilion, our last one is Ultimate Nights,
Speaker #2
right? Ultimate Nights, yes.
Speaker #0
Ultimate Nights.
Speaker #1
It was Ultimate Nights. In those Ultimate.
Speaker #0
No,
Speaker #2
I don't know. It's a Bob Seger song. I respect the Bob Seger. I like that.
Speaker #0
I like the white he's had.
Speaker #1
I like his song. Long hair. You're almost Bob Singer length.
Speaker #2
Yeah, actually.
Speaker #1
You're just missing the stash.
Speaker #2
You know what Bob Singer sings? Old time rock and roll.
Speaker #0
Oh. Some of the...
Speaker #1
He says, you like that old kind of cock and balls.
Speaker #2
Yeah, the old time cock and balls. I was strong. It was my whole... What up? Woo,
Speaker #1
God. Good job. Yeah. That'll get a high five.
Speaker #0
I was doing a sig pile.
Speaker #2
Amazing sig pile.
Speaker #1
It's rubbing off on here.
Speaker #2
What did he say about the soothings of the soil? We don't like it. I actually missed that bit. I was too busy taking hours at the club.
Speaker #1
I had to have a break from the oompses just to have a smoke. I just want one drag and then one drag queen and I go home.
Speaker #0
Speaking of unhinged. Somehow this version of Moon Knight is messier than the original.
Speaker #2
Absolutely, dude. Totally all this shit. This Moon Knight, he's crazy.
Speaker #0
Team up. I'm glad you picked this one. Because it's Spider-Man's very bad team up.
Speaker #2
It's a very bad team up, and it's also just... Collab. The ultimate... Here's the best hero. Yeah. Because these other guys are useless.
Speaker #0
They're just so dysfunctional. And it's kind of like in No Way Home when he was like, you guys have never fought on a team before, have you? He was like, I was in the Avengers. And I'm like,
Speaker #2
what's that? Is that a band? Were you in a band?
Speaker #0
yeah he's that's yeah he's he his bad ones by the way but continue what happened stop the clock that was the uh andrew garfield i know what that was uh so i
Speaker #2
let you sit in that one on purpose sit in it now you stay with it uh ultimate night Okay, Ultimate Knights. So a group of heroes, including Daredevil, Shang-Chi, and Iron Fist, they form the Ultimate Knights to take down the Kingpin. So Peter reluctantly joins them. This leads to a series of escalating confrontations.
Speaker #0
Their personalities keep changing.
Speaker #2
Yeah, because Moon Knight takes on this identity of the Ronin, and he shoots up Peter's school, and the whole thing is all for naught because Daredevil's brooding,
Speaker #0
and Iron Fist is just happy to get a mention.
Speaker #2
And he betrays them. Yeah,
Speaker #1
like... like freaking destroyed every issue. Every issue. They must have a crazy renovation budget. Well,
Speaker #2
they know Spider-Man goes to the high school, but no one inquires beyond that. They're like, yeah, I guess he goes here.
Speaker #0
And also, they don't stop. That's how you know they're villains. Right. Maybe, hmm. Super villains. Super villains. And it's, yeah, the ultimate version of Moon Knight is really, it's very unhinged, and it's all. Oh, crazy. Moon Knight books are very hard to read, but this was great, and it's easier to digest because of Spider-Man. This was.
Speaker #1
great.
Speaker #0
Correct. It's like Kim Crazy.
Speaker #2
Because they do a great job of showing the personalities conflicted within Moon Knight and Daredevil is just at his wit's end with Fisk because in this version, Fisk was actually responsible for Matt's dad's death and at the end of this, like...
Speaker #0
Was Matt's dad still a boxer?
Speaker #2
He was a boxer, yeah, but instead of it just being like a random criminal, it was Fisk who actually killed him. Oh, shit.
Speaker #0
Like Liev Schreiber's Fisk.
Speaker #2
Yeah, exactly. And Daredevil Lieb Schreiber, also Jewish.
Speaker #0
I know. Yeah. I heard that in the name. Tisk, tisk.
Speaker #2
Which part of it was the... The Lieb Schreiber. What about Schreiber? I love you.
Speaker #1
Ray Donovan, still going. 80 seasons.
Speaker #0
So are we.
Speaker #2
But what is great about this is Daredevil just gets... He's at his wit's end. He goes, you know what? He goes, I'm going to finally make Fisk hurt the way he made me hit. And he goes, I... I'm sorry. I'm just going to talk. No,
Speaker #1
do it. Do it. Do it. Sorry.
Speaker #2
I'm just going to get through it.
Speaker #1
Yeah. I have nothing to say.
Speaker #2
I'm so done.
Speaker #0
We're going to recap in a second. I'm so sorry.
Speaker #1
It's okay.
Speaker #0
What does he say to him?
Speaker #2
What he says. So he's just at his wits end. And then he just, he finally goes to Vanessa and he goes, I'm going to fucking kill her. And Peter stops him from. doing it.
Speaker #0
No way home. Peter's stopping him from killing Gabi. Yeah. When he steps in, that's one of my favorite shots. No dialogue. It just looks at him.
Speaker #2
That's not what we do. And that's what I think really kind of cements Peter as who he is. He's like, you know what? He goes, Matt, he goes, I don't like you that much. He goes, you're kind of a jerk. He goes, but you're not Fisk. He goes, you are better than this and he stops him from killing vanessa and that's how peter peter kind of cements who he really is he's like you know what he goes this is who i am i cannot kill daredevil you can't kill either you're better than fisk and because they take the high route it's over edigan it adds it it ends up by it ends up working out because moon knight uh moon knight ends up testifying against fisk fisk ends up going to prison and uh they do it in killing joke
Speaker #0
buy the book don't let it change exactly exactly which we will get to on the next episode ooh yes what a nice end I'm glad you picked Ultimate Knights because it's a little it's a gem in a stack because after this is when it sort of starts to get kind of crazy it's still good but like this was a great cap off because I love I love a good team up man and I love when it works and I also love the fact that he every hero has their secret identity and their hero's identity uh you could have i fully believe batflex batman would kill even though he shouldn't i believe he would be driven to if the joker did kill dick grayson that's his batman christian bale's batman would not kill because that's his that's the whole thing he has to learn in in two spider-man and that that's the difference between bruce wayne and batman difference between spider-man and peter parker is is really nothing kind of spider-man is just funnier than peter parker peter's heart is what drives
Speaker #2
the friendly in the friendly neighborhood spider-man i feel like there's three major street level heroes there's spidey there's daredevil and there is frank castle and you have spidey on one side who just is so secure in his morals and even though he goes to the ringer he will never cross that line frank castle is on the other side who always crosses that line exactly then you have met devil yeah who's always kind of on the edge and matt never breaks never goes to frank's side but he sometimes needs peter the end of daredevil is so great
Speaker #0
You don't get to change who I am.
Speaker #2
Exactly.
Speaker #0
He rocks his shit.
Speaker #1
In the show?
Speaker #0
In the show. No,
Speaker #2
when he's like strangling him. Yeah. He stops himself. He goes, I want to kill you so badly. He goes, yeah.
Speaker #0
He's screaming in his face.
Speaker #1
Don't have a condom.
Speaker #0
And I can't see. That's the only way this evens out. Overall, great pick. It was so fun to go down a memory lane nostalgia trip, but also just. They've recently rebooted Ultimate Spider-Man. That's right, with Hickman. Yes, and it's very good. Hickman, you know, they should call him Hickman. He never misses. This was truly one of the most fun books I've ever read, and I was so glad to go back and see. I'm glad you picked out these issues, because I wanted to see which ones you would highlight and what would be important to you, and you hit it out of the park. Slater, you swallowed all this today. Yeah.
Speaker #2
You did a binge Yeah
Speaker #0
But it was digestible you said Yeah yeah yeah I didn't spit I um
Speaker #1
You just laid it Spider spit Spider spit
Speaker #0
Never swallows like a spider does Can she swallow my semen
Speaker #2
No she can't
Speaker #0
She just spits Look out Here comes the spider spit
Speaker #1
And that's a bonus track folks Um Yeah no it was It was good I I think it took me like four or five hours to read it all in one sitting isn't it great when a book does that yeah yeah did you notice that it was four or five hours or is it like you oh no i only noticed when i looked at the clock yeah she she and then i was like oh shit and then i heard your voice i heard your squeaky little sneakers coming up the stairwell hello friends i was like he's here god help me um they're like put the swastikas away yeah get the batarang um you But yeah, no, it was there was like a lot of funny.
Speaker #2
It's been an entire weekend calling me a virgin. I can call you guys Nazis. Oh, I know.
Speaker #0
I know.
Speaker #2
Same thing.
Speaker #0
You know, his quips are meant to disarm the villain, you know, make them like jokes. Those quips, Brad. They're meant to make them think. And that's what they think. You think he's just being a dick, but like it's supposed to make you the villain sort of.
Speaker #2
And it's also a defense mechanism. Yeah. It's because he's going over his head. Yeah.
Speaker #1
no way stop that and when he uh it's interesting because when he fights moon knight at the school he's like i'm not even gonna make jokes with you you're fucking shooting up a school like yeah yeah not a good time to crack a joke no yeah yeah no run baby run joke um the i had a because there was a lot of humor in this so i wrote down my favorite quotes top three quotes from this session uh first one uh jameson being like you smell that this is our new oj talking about Spider-Man. Probably can't do that one.
Speaker #0
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's...
Speaker #1
I'm going to toss my cookies. Some of these are like 50s slang. I was like, toss my cookies? What the fuck does that mean?
Speaker #2
Did Jonah say that too?
Speaker #1
At least Santa said that. No, John Travolta.
Speaker #2
Yeah, John Travolta.
Speaker #1
Peter Parker said it. It's still recording. Then he was like, can't believe I had to get out of line at Taco Bell for this. That was great. Also Peter Parker. Oh,
Speaker #2
and it is Jewish.
Speaker #1
Also, he's wearing a beefcake shirt and it looks like... Who, Peters? Cartman from South Park on it. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, there's no way there was a crossover right there.
Speaker #0
It could have been. Yeah, same time.
Speaker #1
It looked like it. It was funny. Oh, yeah. Then they're calling Flash gay a bunch. And he's like, what? He's like, you come out of the closet yet? Yeah.
Speaker #2
Oh, yeah. That's like the first thing Harry says when he reappears, right? He goes, Flash is gay, right? They're like, yeah, Flash is gay.
Speaker #1
The sharks in the tank, that was weird. Is that always like that? Fisk? And, um. No, no,
Speaker #2
no. Off of Norman.
Speaker #0
Oh,
Speaker #2
yeah. I think they really, I don't think, I think in that one, they really kind of just ended to like make him like a Bond villain. Yeah.
Speaker #1
So funny. It reminded me of where the Miller is, where he's got the, I bought a whale.
Speaker #2
Oh, with that Helms, yeah.
Speaker #1
I just wanted to see Norman do it. I'd be like, yeah, I got a couple sharks.
Speaker #0
I bought a sperm whale, Peter.
Speaker #1
Breaks in the middle of whatever issue and all the sharks are on the ground. And then you just see everyone like cleaning up.
Speaker #2
Sperm whale, Peter.
Speaker #1
And they just. shoulder.
Speaker #0
Amor's going, I'm having a good time with this.
Speaker #1
Back to the zoo.
Speaker #0
It was just great.
Speaker #1
What else? Just one of the last ones with the clone of Peter Parker. He's got a half face. He's denting it.
Speaker #2
Oh, Kane, yeah.
Speaker #1
Mary Jane's just looking at him. He's like, I'm going to make you just like me. Don't do that. My face is everything.
Speaker #2
I don't have the courage to look like you. It works for you, though.
Speaker #1
Courage the cowardly.
Speaker #0
Do you have a favorite moment?
Speaker #1
You read? Favorite moment. I don't know. There was a lot of drama with MJ and Peter Parker in this. And I bet that was.
Speaker #2
Peter Parker.
Speaker #1
Peter Parker. How dare you? But he was just trying to protect her. And then it just got crazy town. I don't know. I like the obviously romantic stuff. Yeah. I don't know.
Speaker #0
How about you,
Speaker #1
Brent? Brings a more human element.
Speaker #2
My favorite moments?
Speaker #0
Yeah, mine we didn't go over, but we'll get to it.
Speaker #2
Yeah, mine actually we didn't go over either. So I talked about at the beginning when Peter is struggling and Ben says like under his breath, snap out of it, Peter. And then like maybe 70 issues later when Gwen dies and she's killed by carnage and Peter is so crushed and he doesn't want to be Spider-Man anymore. And Mary Jane is trying to give him the pep talk and she's like. You got to do what the world needs people like you. And Peter's like, I am a flawed person. I don't want to do this anymore. And then as he walks away, she goes, snap out of it, Peter. It's just a cool full circle moment. Yeah,
Speaker #0
that's my my favorite is in Ultimatum when Ultimatum Magneto shifts the North Pole and the South Pole because someone killed his kids. Someone killed. Wanda and Quicksilver. And as a result, he turns the Earth's axis and floods Manhattan. And Jameson turns his opinion on Spider-Man when he sees it. Manhattan's flooded. People are dying. There's no sense in saving anybody. And Peter's still out. He's still out saving people. And Jameson sees that and finally goes, okay, he's not a menace.
Speaker #2
It's like the starfish story.
Speaker #0
Yes, exactly.
Speaker #2
Exactly. Made a difference for that one.
Speaker #0
Made a difference for that one.
Speaker #1
Yes. Oh.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And that's Peter.
Speaker #2
That's Peter.
Speaker #0
That's every single time Peter will get back up. And he will.
Speaker #2
And you get back up. How about you here? Back it up again. And you know, chumbo... Chumbawamba.
Speaker #0
You got hit one too many times.
Speaker #2
I got hit one. On a gobby. Hey, you know, your green goblin hit me.
Speaker #0
That's what's in the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
Speaker #2
Now I'm tum-tumping.
Speaker #0
Tum-tumping. Glad we picked this one. This is your favorite hero, my favorite book to read. Brent, what else we got for outro?
Speaker #2
For outro, guys, thank you again for watching. Please continue to like, comment, subscribe, give us recommendations. Shout out to the guy in the Mr. Miracle episode. that told us that Funky Flashman was based off Stan Lee. Troy and I were reading that. Our mouths were agape. That is awesome. Thank you guys so much. Have a good one.

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Oh,
Speaker #1
geez, Rick, I got bit by a spider.
Speaker #0
Hey, shut the fuck up, Morty. I'm building clones. I'm building clones. Stop thinking about Gwen Stacy. Oh, geez, I just, you know, with great power, I thought I'd get some great pussy to go with it, too. It's a responsibility, Morty.
Speaker #2
With great pussy comes great responsibility.
Speaker #0
Ask Magic Johnson, Morty. He had none of the responsibility, Morty. No one remembers how many points he put on the board, Morty. They just know him for the HIV. Oh, wow. Welcome to Secret Identity, where teenage angst and superhero collide. I'm not in pajamas. I am Spider Troy. Shooting web at my co-host, Mr. Brent Burnbaum.
Speaker #1
Hi, guys.
Speaker #0
Eating that web up. And Gwen Stacy Slady Harrison.
Speaker #1
Do you want to be Gwen Stacy or Mary Jane?
Speaker #0
Oh, that's a good question. That's like a Jackie O. Maryland. Yeah,
Speaker #1
right?
Speaker #0
I would rather be Mary because she don't get break-in and that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Yeah. I think MJ gets great characterization in this.
Speaker #2
Yeah, she does.
Speaker #1
If you're Peter and you're MJ, who am I? Doc Ock. Nice.
Speaker #0
I could see that happening for you.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Feel the arms.
Speaker #0
It's because of the amount of pussy you get. Yeah.
Speaker #2
Octopus.
Speaker #1
Octopus. Octopussy.
Speaker #2
Octopussy bread.
Speaker #0
That's a new name.
Speaker #1
My neck, my back, licked by octopussy and my crack.
Speaker #0
The power of your crack. the palm of my hand um today we're recapping yo what was that about my crack it was a whip hey i want to get bit by more than a spider like a god um today we're talking about the greatest spider-man story ever told if you started from front to back uh ultimate spider-man uh recap starting in 2000 by michael uh bendis brian michael bendis three named people I would fuck up. And most of the art by...
Speaker #1
Mark Bagley.
Speaker #0
Mark Bagley. And this is the first one that was on the shelves when I was growing up, 2000s, when they started the ultimate reboot. Tell us what I'm getting wrong, Brent.
Speaker #1
No, you're getting everything right. It's a modern reimagining of Spidey for the 21st century. If someone was to ask me what the greatest comic book of all time is, I'd say Watchmen. If someone was to ask me my favorite comic book of all time, I'd say this. Spider-Man's my favorite hero. This is my favorite Spidey art.
Speaker #0
This is fun to read.
Speaker #1
This can't be. I can't read
Speaker #0
Watchmen with the level of fun you do with Spider-Man comics. Yeah,
Speaker #2
that'd be fucked up.
Speaker #0
Yeah,
Speaker #1
it would be quite fucked up. Yeah, with fights, committing genocide, it was awesome.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
What, when everyone dies?
Speaker #0
Yeah, it's, uh, I, when I was hosting, um, my last... Round of shows, I was reading this in between comics when there'd be the five minute spots, I'd be reading
Speaker #1
Ultimate Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
Yeah, because it was just one after the other. And I went through all of them. And there's so many crossover events in this because this was their hard reset. So there was the... X-Men stuff, and is he a mutant, is he not? The Ultimate Universe had its flaws. It was mostly flaws, to be honest with you.
Speaker #2
It's the ultimate flaw.
Speaker #0
It was the ultimate flaw, and they killed it in Secret Wars. Spider-Man was really the only thing to have a comprehensive arc. Does he die at the end?
Speaker #1
It's an interesting one. He does die.
Speaker #0
He takes a bullet for Cap.
Speaker #1
They create a... or maybe actually but if they have that he's holding hands with uncle ben at the end yeah well they create a uh they they create a separate uh uh story where like bailey left and they brought him back and uh norman osborne yeah comes back i'm bringing big back yeah and
Speaker #0
uh and uh peter does die and that's when miles morales gets introduced but i still think i think they eventually bring back this peter park yes yeah yeah yeah you're right i remember because in the first miles morales stories first villain is venom uh and he's talking about
Speaker #1
right you're not a symbiote yeah yeah he's a bad guy don't put the symbiote on symbiote's a bad guy this
Speaker #0
if you're within our age group you remember this and the Spider-Man art, but I forget what the guy's name is, but he did it for Ultimate Spider-Man. It was on all the backpacks. Like, these were the two avenues of Spider-Man, plus Tobey Maguire when we were growing up. Yeah. Like, you had the Ultimate game, which was copy-pasting very much all the arcs from this, and we picked out, or Brent, I should say, picked out arcs that, because there's 133 issues in this altogether?
Speaker #1
Something like that, yeah. And I picked, we're looking at issues 1 through 111, because that's when Bendis and Bagley were together, because this is just, This is a writer and artist who are so in sync. And I love the Amazing Spider-Man series.
Speaker #0
It's gonna be me.
Speaker #1
It's gonna be me.
Speaker #0
That's who's gonna die.
Speaker #2
Why did they split?
Speaker #1
Well, eventually, like, I mean, they'd been doing it for seven years. I think Bagley just wanted to move on. Bendis kept writing. Look,
Speaker #2
I'm trying to get pussy.
Speaker #0
I can't draw spiders no more.
Speaker #2
You're in this zone.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Yeah, they, Bendis wrote a lot of OG stuff, though, like Secret Invasion.
Speaker #1
Jessica Jones.
Speaker #0
Jessica Jones. Wow, what other stuff do we have from Ben? Did he ever do DC?
Speaker #1
I don't know, actually. That's a great question.
Speaker #0
Often, those guys just float around between the two.
Speaker #2
Cool.
Speaker #0
What?
Speaker #2
To have that job and be able to just cross over to all the universes?
Speaker #0
I mean, Jack Kirby, we always go back to him, but he created the most iconic characters on both sides.
Speaker #1
Steve Ditko.
Speaker #0
Steve Ditko, another one, yeah. Who did he do for DC? He did Hawk and Dove?
Speaker #1
He did Hawk and Dove. He did The Question. Yes. He did The Creep. He did Peacemaker.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
Captain Atom. I mean, there's no Watchmen without Steve Ditko because they had cord. Like, they based all of the Watchmen characters off the Steve Ditko, Charleston Comics characters. Yeah,
Speaker #0
Ditko created the design for Spider-Man, right? It was something...
Speaker #1
20, 20, save the stand.
Speaker #0
Because he created... Spider-Man had a very different design initially. Like, his first draft costume is what he looked like when they conceptualized him. And Ditko was the one that sort of put the pen and paper and gave him the iconic look.
Speaker #1
Initially, Kirby designed him and he looked... he looked too super heroic. He looked like Captain America, who Kirby created. And Stan was like, let's bring in Ditko. And
Speaker #0
I'll take all the credit.
Speaker #1
80-20.
Speaker #0
No one's getting cut in. Split it 80-10-10. Day for Stan. Day for Stan. What I love about this is how he's drawn. He looks fragile. He looks like a kid. He looks like the age he's supposed to. Yeah, he's fragile. I remember reading this as a kid being like... Yo, he's going to get his... I didn't believe the Spider-Man scene where he was pulling the subway in Spider-Man 2 because I read this and I was like, his little spider arms would have ripped out of the socket. But it goes to show you how powerful that spider was and what spider strength is. And you picked great arc. Thank you. Everybody should read the whole book because from start to finish, it really is so much fun and you get what's called an omnibus. And I have my ultimate
Speaker #1
I'm on the bus. I'm seeing you guys. Mayor, please, please, I'm on the bus looking for you.
Speaker #0
I'm on the bus.
Speaker #1
I love you, Mayor.
Speaker #0
Brent was the one who picked out the arc, so I will have him break down some of the most iconic arcs in the series. There's really no shortage of great just action-packed emotional roller coasters, and Norman Osborn with the waves being a dick as always. Give it to us.
Speaker #1
Well, that's the... Baby dick.
Speaker #0
He's got the waves in this, right? He's got the... Yeah.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Well, because. You didn't have to wave. The what?
Speaker #2
Nothing.
Speaker #0
It was a slater line. You don't listen. You don't hear it till we watch it back. Yeah.
Speaker #1
Till we watch it back.
Speaker #2
It's like a little gnat.
Speaker #1
You are, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Well, you just read all of this. You just downloaded it.
Speaker #1
Yeah. First impressions.
Speaker #2
I enjoyed it. It was an easy read, which is why I was reading for like fucking four and a half hours. I didn't realize the nerd is starting to. grow on me. And I don't know how I've come to that.
Speaker #0
This is something else.
Speaker #1
It's turned from ick to yes.
Speaker #0
Spider-Man books are like that. Yeah,
Speaker #1
from ick to yes. Because you read big time.
Speaker #0
And there goes the sick again. You read big time the same way. You read it all in one sitting.
Speaker #2
Oh yeah, I was so wet after that. Big time.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Me too now.
Speaker #2
Yeah, you just had a fucking...
Speaker #0
I just had a......one somewhere.
Speaker #1
I hope that is......as well, but that's because I have indigestion.
Speaker #0
My spine is...
Speaker #1
It's diarrhea that you guys feel on the floor.
Speaker #0
I've had......BBS, yeah. I got fucking agita over here. Five fucking seconds. I'm already... He's busted a family. Already Norman Osborn's giving me agita. What did you think? I'm sorry.
Speaker #2
No, no, no. It was good. I went into my own world, which I usually do whenever I'm reading anything, which is mostly comic books these days because I'm slowly becoming you too. And,
Speaker #1
yeah. Oh, is that what you said? You Jew? I thought.
Speaker #2
God damn.
Speaker #0
You're back often.
Speaker #2
I can't help it. I'm also converting. Oh, no. I'm becoming a superhero.
Speaker #0
You are. Well, that's why I thought you'd be great for being a third on this pod initially, because the amount of shit I've made you watch over the years.
Speaker #2
Yeah, my third eye is developing.
Speaker #0
But you've always, you've never straight away. I remember one time I was watching Umbrella Strikes Back at like two in the morning, and Slaves had a wedding, and I was home, and I was like, sorry, I'll turn this off. She's like, no, turn it around. I want to see what part it's on. You have a curiosity. You're like, show me the part. Yeah.
Speaker #2
I need to know how things end. And I feel like in this, it was such a long storyline, obviously due to the length, but also just like all of the characters. Yeah. There are a lot.
Speaker #1
Yeah. You remind me of Mark Wahlberg and the other guys, like how he like studies all this stuff to be able to make fun of the nerds. It's like, you're like reading these comic books so you can be better at making fun of me and Troy.
Speaker #2
Know thy enemy.
Speaker #1
Exactly.
Speaker #2
Just let me do my job.
Speaker #1
I'm a peacock.
Speaker #2
You gotta let me fly. You're flying. I'm gonna start dropping TLC references now.
Speaker #1
Hey, just don't go chasing waterfalls.
Speaker #2
Ooh.
Speaker #1
That was hot. Thank you, Dix. This pissing contest is over.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
Getting warm.
Speaker #0
I'm getting it. I know, yeah, you are in a sweatshirt.
Speaker #2
Pod getting hot.
Speaker #0
Everybody in the pod getting hot. I just want to make sure. Where's my cellular device? All right, Brent, why don't you give us a recap, along with issues one through seven, the origins.
Speaker #1
Should we talk about the main characters?
Speaker #0
Give us the main characters.
Speaker #2
Well, first main character, Brent.
Speaker #1
Me.
Speaker #2
Always that. Me.
Speaker #1
Me. So Peter Parker's Spider-Man, he's a teenage version of the iconic hero struggling to balance his responsibilities as Spider-Man with the challenges of high school life. And what's cool about this is you actually get a teenage Spider-Man. Like in Amazing, he's like in high school for maybe like 10 issues, then he goes to college, but he's really a young adult throughout most of Amazing Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
I have the opposite thing now because I've watched him as a teenager my whole life. I'm ready for my... first Spider-Man was PS1 Spider-Man. I'm ready for adult Spider-Man again like Jake Johnson because I've seen him in high school so much. But I guess... What?
Speaker #2
Phrasing? You adult Spider-Man. Now I'm just like, oh, I just wish to you I'm born a Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
I would never be smirched to memory.
Speaker #1
Spidey Pog.
Speaker #0
Spider-Man. Aunt May is at home. No clothes on. There is a Spider-Man. Spider-Ham right here. Peter Parker is this guy from the universe where pigs could talk because I don't want to freak him out. That was Spider-Ham.
Speaker #1
That was really good.
Speaker #0
Thank you.
Speaker #2
Now watch me bend over.
Speaker #0
Watch me bend this over. Now watch me nay-nay.
Speaker #1
Now watch me whip-whip and do some cocaine.
Speaker #0
I have a kid with a leavey in my... Sorry. No, I'm a lady. My dog. uh, what else we got?
Speaker #1
MJ. So Peter's best friend and eventual love interest who often finds herself caught up in Peter's dangerous world. So in this version, she matches, she matches Peter intellectually, which I really like.
Speaker #0
Yeah. She figures it out, right? She,
Speaker #1
I think, I don't know. Actually, I, she figures,
Speaker #0
she tells it when he tells her, I may be confusing Spider-Man runs, but I think she tells him and she's like, yeah, dude, I know because of the spider bite.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Yeah. I think she probably does. because she always she always does like a moment where he like told her like it was just they were already like on it right yeah and amazing she always knew which was kind of cool like yeah and she pretended not to know uh but yeah yeah right that's what every female does that's
Speaker #0
a lot of it's right i got another problem kids women always find out the truth Always. And then he gave him a gun, because that's what you need when she finds out the truth.
Speaker #1
There's nothing wrong with giving people guns.
Speaker #0
I don't because my state is uniquely independent.
Speaker #1
I got a D plus from the space blasters in our A.
Speaker #0
That is not a C minus.
Speaker #1
It's not no good grade. Yes, it's not the F.
Speaker #0
It's not the F. They kind of like the money, but not enough to give me a passing grade, which a D plus is still passing. I understand. Redistribute the wealth. Stop looking at my record. it's all right i gotta have a fall somewhere yeah it's the right just spider arms forget the bat arms you see i gotta answer these people i he's getting a hey blush hey blanche hey bernie you gotta keep that all of a sudden first of all you see this guy spider-man he's a menace he's a menace he eats spiders who's coming into this country they eat spiders have you seen batman he eats bats eating
Speaker #1
spiders low calories very cheap statistically you eat
Speaker #0
10 spiders a year in your sleep without even knowing it.
Speaker #1
That is a fact. 20 if you're in Australia.
Speaker #2
I can't swim.
Speaker #0
Down under. Who else we got?
Speaker #1
We got Aunt May. So Peter's aunt and guardian, whose love and support is central to pizza motion.
Speaker #0
Balance text in this book.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah, dude. This is like where you start to get the younger Aunt May that like Marissa Tomei kind of played. Yeah.
Speaker #2
What? Where?
Speaker #1
Well, she's like, I mean, if you read like the original Amazing, she looked like, yeah, she just.
Speaker #2
This is a young version?
Speaker #1
She's got gray hair. Apparently, yeah. Yeah. It's like Shia's younger. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Yeah,
Speaker #2
yeah, yeah. Take a body shot off her.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
Get that May belly button. All of them.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Fuck Ben and his memory. He gone.
Speaker #1
Taking shots at success like Uncle Ben.
Speaker #2
Ben never done that.
Speaker #0
Ben never done that. He gone. The stripper is not. Let me make a butthole. Who else we got, Brent?
Speaker #2
Now to Ben.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
He Ben dead.
Speaker #1
Norman Osborn, Green Goblin, scientist, CEO, who becomes the Green Goblin after experimenting with the Oz formula. He's obsessed with controlling Peter. He's really the main antagonist of the story. And this, like, now whatever you think of Spidey's origins, you think of Norman Osborn being responsible. That was created here. Norman Osborn had nothing to do with Spidey's origins in the Amazing Run. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker #0
because it's created in his lab. Yeah,
Speaker #1
with Osborn. Exactly. Yeah. With Oz.
Speaker #0
What was it before?
Speaker #1
It was just a radioactive spider,
Speaker #0
yeah. Oh, I guess in the time period, radioactivity is very big because that's when we're coming up with nuclear shit. Right. Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker #1
Yeah, so in this one, like all these characters that were... Sorry, what? No, no.
Speaker #2
We'll see you later.
Speaker #0
Yeah. We'll see you later.
Speaker #1
We'll be able to recap. See you later. See you later.
Speaker #0
See you later. We're going to cut all that. That's a segment called Must've Missed That One.
Speaker #1
Must've Missed That One, yeah. Fred's Golden Missed It, though. Oh,
Speaker #0
shit.
Speaker #2
It's just a cutback of all the things at the end as the credits are rolling. There's no one who stays for it.
Speaker #0
No,
Speaker #1
yeah. As they're like playing the Oscar music in the background.
Speaker #0
The Oz for me.
Speaker #2
Get it off stage.
Speaker #1
Do you like me? Do you really like me?
Speaker #0
Murphy Bibb, and he's like, when he's making fun of Stevie Wonder's speeches. And I would like to think, oh, the beautiful. Be like, shut the fuck up, motherfucker.
Speaker #2
I haven't seen no one since the beginning of the war.
Speaker #0
Singing shit, that don't impress me. You want to impress me, Steve?
Speaker #1
Take the wheel, motherfucker. Yeah, come on, Matt Murdock.
Speaker #0
I'm Danny Rand. You don't give a fuck. Be mad. So you're somebody who matters.
Speaker #1
uh next up harry osborn so peter's best friend and norman's son complicated relationship with both his father and peter harry's in the same explosion as norman and octavius and eventually becomes the hobgoblin so in amazing it's ned who's the hobgoblin in this it's harry yeah and then spider-man 3 it's kind of yeah it's like a weird guy version of the goblin yeah yeah that yeah when he's like on that fucking super surfer thing oh no
Speaker #0
He gets a head injury, forgets that Peter was Spider-Man, then remembers, then uses his spider. Does he find the Goblin Closet in two or three?
Speaker #1
In two.
Speaker #0
In two. He finds it when he throws something and it blows up, right? And then in three, he's full on Hobgoblin, chases down Peter, then James Franco gets amnesia, and then at the end he blows up, right? Or he dies. The symbiote blows up.
Speaker #1
And what? I'll blow up?
Speaker #0
You first activate the symbiote sonic receptors, and then you'll blow up.
Speaker #1
birth I do this stop double take three times one two three and then pelvic thrust that's James Frank outside of an elementary school blowing bubbles you
Speaker #0
forgot the pickles god that was her name who else we got Fred it was my car keys there's our car keys you forgot the pickles you forgot the Gwen Stacy
Speaker #1
Gwen Stacy, Peter's close friend, whose rebellious nature and tragic backstory draw Peter into her life as a confidant and ally, but the relationship remains platonic, so it's not like in Amazing, where people are always debating who's his true love interest, Mary or Gwen. This is very much MJ. Also, in Amazing, Gwen is very, she's very much like the girl next door. In this, she's like a rock star, she's a rebel, she's very, like, punk.
Speaker #0
She's almost like an X-Men character without the bra.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and I think she kind of, this kind of inspired, I think, Spider-Gwen.
Speaker #2
There was one scene in this where her, like, pants are just unbun.
Speaker #1
Yeah, right?
Speaker #2
You guys notice that?
Speaker #1
Yeah. Did we notice? Eddie Brock certainly noticed.
Speaker #2
Close the book. Have some meat time.
Speaker #0
Meat time.
Speaker #2
Interesting. Spot a ham.
Speaker #0
Spot a ham.
Speaker #1
Spot a ham.
Speaker #0
It can get hornier. She's cool.
Speaker #2
She's like, sorry to interrupt your phone sex. I was like, what? Is that the S word? And it's not bite or something?
Speaker #1
Have you said the L word yet?
Speaker #0
Is for the way you look at Pete. Oh. Is for Osborne who fucks with Pete. V is for Vulture who also fucks with Peter Parker. E is for everyone and that's who fucks with Peter Parker. Their love is unattainable to this Jew.
Speaker #2
Q. Q.
Speaker #1
Q. Actually, they do kind of code Peter as Jewish in this. Yes. He's speaking Yiddish. He says. Because he's fighting Doc Ock. He's like, where do you keep getting these fakakta arms from? He's like Jackie Mason. Where are these fakakta arms coming from?
Speaker #0
It's because you're not 13 years old.
Speaker #1
Jewish words. Fakakta. Where are you getting these fakakta arms from? Where your heart will go.
Speaker #2
I didn't know that.
Speaker #0
I feel like that's what you heard when you were 13.
Speaker #1
Exactly. Don't get so high, Zinvavinoik.
Speaker #0
I can't respond to that. I will be an atheist. Are they forever ever? Ever never seems that long until they met a Jew on Twitter for saying some shit about the Jews. What else? Are they any of the main characters? Paul? A couple more.
Speaker #1
Nick Fury, the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. He takes a keen interest in Peter's potential as a hero.
Speaker #0
But the history of Nick Fury's design is...
Speaker #1
Yeah, so Nick Fury actually... So Mark Millar, who wrote Civil War, was writing The Ultimates, which was the ultimate version of The Avengers. And he wanted to bring Fury into that. And he redesigned him to look like Samuel L. Jackson. But because he looked just like Samuel L. Jackson, they had to ask Samuel L. Jackson's permission to design it that way. And what did Sam say?
Speaker #0
Yes, motherfucker. But if you make a movie, I better be in that motherfucker. And he was. Was he the post-credit of Iron Man?
Speaker #1
Yep. The first one.
Speaker #0
And then he's in the post-credit of the Hulk, right? Down he is.
Speaker #1
Down he is, yeah,
Speaker #0
yeah. My favorite Nick Fury line ever is, Uh, yes, I heard no, the council's decision, but granted that it was a stupid ass decision. I've decided to ignore it from Avengers from Avengers one. Yeah. He started the Avengers initiative Nick Fury's a manipulating piece of shit I got a shield strategic homeland Fuck that motherfucker We are helicarriers who got hulks
Speaker #1
I got a shield I got hulks on a motherfucker We got hulks on a motherfucker helicarrier What's great is when he fakes his death in Winter Soldier And you see the gravestone And the gravestone says the path of the righteous man Yes It's like an homage To like a great movie Alright Like, if I had directed Winter Soldier, they would just be, like, cold feet okay.
Speaker #0
His lightsaber.
Speaker #2
I buried him feet first.
Speaker #1
Feet first,
Speaker #0
right? They inscribed his lightsaber with bad motherfucker on it.
Speaker #1
Did they really? I love it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, this is a goodbye gift, yeah.
Speaker #2
That's dope.
Speaker #0
I mean, think of him at this period, being Samuel L. Jackson. You're about to be Nick Fury and Mace Windu at the same goddamn time, and you're about to have the best run of your movie career, the 2000s. Yeah. Just one of the greats. And who else we got other than Fury?
Speaker #1
We got Doc Ock. so oh yes his foil his villain a villain with mechanical limbs well he's so he's in the same explosion as norman and spidey and he's got a deep-seated hatred for both of them plays a significant role throughout doc ock and this is sadistic man yeah he's like in many ways the most evil of them yeah the
Speaker #0
uh only other time i could think where he did anything as fucked up as he did and this was when he took his body for superior and at least he tries to be a good guy there you Yeah, he learns that through the people that Peter's involved with, okay, you get to have good people in life by not being a shitty guy. Oh, cool, maybe I'll marry Aunt May. In this, he's just like a Frankenstein.
Speaker #1
He's just so sadistic. Control over his...
Speaker #0
Like a 4chan-worth person.
Speaker #2
Just like, thump, thump. Honestly,
Speaker #1
kind of.
Speaker #2
Sparks, and I was like, let's pop off.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Is it the chip in this? That gave him the legs? That's what it is in Spider-Man 2.
Speaker #1
That was the first time he's sympathetic, actually. It's a great take, but he's never really sympathetic in the comics. In Spider-Man 2 or in this? Oh, all right. In Spider-Man 2. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is not sympathetic in this at all. No, I was going to say.
Speaker #0
And are there any other villains in this?
Speaker #1
We have three more characters. John Stacy, Gwen's father. Yes. Police officer. Yeah, he's a big influence. And, uh. That's because Peter, like, because of Ben's death, he needs the father figure. And it's kind of Fury, actually. Yeah. Because John Stacy dies. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Or Tony in the MCU. They call him Iron Boy. Yeah. You know, like, but he, I'm glad I didn't have to see Uncle Ben get shot. But then they just killed Marissa Tomei instead. But still, I mean, that was so powerful. Her last lesson.
Speaker #1
My clock is ticking.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And her just telling him, like, oh, is that what he told you? Don't be like him. We got this. And that gives him, teaches him the great power, great responsibility line. And Bendis knocks it out of the park in the first seven issues. But continue with your character.
Speaker #1
Kurt Connors, scientist and ally. Peter, who helps him with scientific advice.
Speaker #2
Kurt Connors!
Speaker #0
I'm gonna regenerate!
Speaker #1
Welcome to Star Labs! Always at DC!
Speaker #0
I got my wires crossed! I read too many comics! I am a really sad guy! With no friends!
Speaker #2
He saves you a lot of money on insurance.
Speaker #1
He does. Oh, I'm gonna turn into a lizard!
Speaker #0
I'm not part of the game right now, Spider-Man 2. Oh, yeah? He's terrifying in the game. Dude, yeah. He looks like Blue Oyster Cult wrote him. Oh, oh, they say he got to go. Oh, oh,
Speaker #1
Kirk Connors. I like it. But frankly, it needs more what? It needs more Cowbell.
Speaker #0
Oh!
Speaker #1
We need more Connors in this story. Yes, I'm Norman Osborn, the Norman Osborn.
Speaker #0
You could have been a good Norman.
Speaker #1
Connors, I got to say, you have what appears to be some dynamite research.
Speaker #0
Yes, I've been working on this for a few months. It's going to work out my one arm into two again, but it's going to be a lizard arm.
Speaker #1
Yes, yes,
Speaker #0
a lizard arm. My villain name, get ready for it. I'm ready. The lizard. I'm wet. Yeah. Yes. It's got a hand that dresses up like a vulture. His name is going to be the vulture. I love it. Then we got this guy's a magician. His name is David Blaine.
Speaker #1
My name is going to be Anal Beads.
Speaker #0
Yeah, what was... What's the role of the back of his head?
Speaker #1
I have the ability to put beads up my hand. Yeah,
Speaker #0
go streaky, nicky dick.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
Face out.
Speaker #1
In and out.
Speaker #2
Call me...
Speaker #1
Actually, that's... I changed my mind. I'm going to be the In-N-Out Burger.
Speaker #0
He's just having conversations with himself.
Speaker #1
Yeah, the In-N-Out Burglar. Back to the In-N-Out Burger.
Speaker #0
I'm feeling it. That's like when nobody asked me, and he was like, yeah, I want to be the Eggman. I can make him terrified. From Batman. Uh, after Lizard Wells, we got after Connors.
Speaker #1
Uh, Fisk. Ooh.
Speaker #0
Yeah. He's just... I forget he's a Spider-Man villain. When he's a Spider-Man villain, he's great. When he's a Daredevil villain, he's great.
Speaker #1
And he's both in this. He's both.
Speaker #0
I don't know why they're not doing a street-level team-up with Daredevil and Spider-Man going after D'Onofrio. I gotta beg for that. I don't need to see him in space again.
Speaker #1
I would love to see D'Onofrio in space.
Speaker #0
When I was a boy.
Speaker #1
What the fuck? I thought I could make this rocket something better than it is. They're beautiful. Sugar and sugar water. You took that away from me.
Speaker #0
Yeah, and they're just going to put him in space again, and we'll see him with Jackman at Deadpool, and just we're going to get, the MCU movies are going to become Rise of Skywalker. Just ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. Send him to Mars.
Speaker #2
We're doing.
Speaker #0
The coolest fucking out-of-pocket scene ever is when he's in space losing oxygen, and Tony sends him a suit up from space, and it attaches. Boom, it's the Iron Spider suit, and you go, oh, shit. And then he finds himself. You think he parachutes back to Earth, but he's Spider-Man, and he's in the ship. Just like, you can't top that. They ended No Way Home perfectly. That's the one I'm thinking of, right? The third one where he's back to street level. He's got, he's got, this is, I just don't know why we can't go back to that. Let me just get him fighting, just clocking, talking shit. Bring him back to the Screets, man. That's where Spidey belongs. He's the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. That friendly motherfucker long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Queens. The Screets.
Speaker #2
Yo, they shat on Spidey in the street. Like Queen.
Speaker #1
That is what we are.
Speaker #0
Swinging from the building. Running from Osborne.
Speaker #1
No buildings in between.
Speaker #0
Queens is kind of shit. If you are Peter Parker. Yeah, they did shit on Queens. They said something about drivers and addresses.
Speaker #2
It's like, I'm trying to keep you safe. And fucking MJ is like.
Speaker #1
All in love with MJ Watson.
Speaker #0
And there's that for characters.
Speaker #1
That's the character.
Speaker #0
So we start with origins.
Speaker #1
Origins.
Speaker #0
The origins.
Speaker #1
The origins. The origins. What is the origins?
Speaker #2
Tell me what the origins are.
Speaker #1
Tell me everything.
Speaker #2
The
Speaker #1
Peter Parker is the Peter. So Peter Parker is the Peter.
Speaker #2
I can't take it. You going from that to that.
Speaker #1
Where is this Peter hiding?
Speaker #2
Where is this Oz I've been hearing of?
Speaker #0
The Oz... I'm tired of asking this. This is the last time. Where is the rebel spider? There it is.
Speaker #1
It's all on the boat. The Oz is what we take at the club in Berlin.
Speaker #0
I'm understanding why we're getting these downloads in Berlin now. Really big dare.
Speaker #2
Because we had nine.
Speaker #1
Zero. They love the Germans.
Speaker #0
They do not love us back.
Speaker #1
They do not. They love you two back.
Speaker #0
We give you another signature target. They watch you the way Jameson watches Peter swing.
Speaker #2
Sounds like us now. I guess we should listen.
Speaker #1
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.
Speaker #2
I must know his birth sign.
Speaker #1
There, there.
Speaker #0
It's a spider. It's always spiders.
Speaker #2
It's like creepy crawlers.
Speaker #1
The boys, the spider, the unpopular song by Zihu.
Speaker #2
So the spider got out.
Speaker #0
He gets the worst power as a teenager, the ability to punch walls.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and stick to them. Yeah,
Speaker #0
yeah. They're like,
Speaker #1
wow, Peter, these pages are stuck together. Oh,
Speaker #0
they came like that. And also Mary Jane just splattered all over that building. And nothing to do with Spider-Man swinging her. She didn't.
Speaker #1
Mary, I love you. Oh, God, there's my webbing.
Speaker #2
Mary Jane.
Speaker #1
Mary Jane. It's a secret. I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Speaker #0
She's next door neighbor. She's got red hair to match my costume Do you love me and me? I mean Mary Jane That was a Freudian, Freudian, Freudian, Freudian slip, slip,
Speaker #1
slip I got five on it Grab your hands and escape I got five on it
Speaker #0
Get three more and you'll be Doc Ock He's got eight legs cause he is an octopus I got five on it
Speaker #1
Messing with Parker
Speaker #0
Pete. That's if you put his name forward and backward. Here.
Speaker #2
Well, yeah, Brent likes the back first.
Speaker #1
Go there, Brent, go.
Speaker #0
Get your vote on.
Speaker #1
Get your vote on. Get your vote on. Yeah, the back's pretty good.
Speaker #2
I hate it from the back.
Speaker #1
You know what else is good? The back.
Speaker #2
Guess who's back? Back again. Brent is back.
Speaker #0
But he's gay. That's not sick,
Speaker #2
your friend.
Speaker #0
Travolta was walking at night with a guy.
Speaker #1
I'd like to create a monster because nobody wants Travolta anymore. Well,
Speaker #0
it's Johnny. He's chopped liver.
Speaker #1
If you want Johnny, this is what I'll tell you. Fuck me in the ass. With some hot liquor. With some hot liquor.
Speaker #0
I could do a straight two. Another take. Bring us back, Mr. Pencushion.
Speaker #1
There we go. Origins. Peter Parker is bitten by a genetically altered spider at Oscorp. I know, right? Can you believe it?
Speaker #0
I'm flustered. I know. I'm flabbergasted.
Speaker #1
Can you believe a guy bit by a spider would be a... Spider-Man. I'm Spider-Man.
Speaker #0
I forgot what comic it was, but it was an old comedian who was like, all superheroes are Jewish. You got Batman. You got Spider-Man. You got Iron Man. They're all Jewish fellas.
Speaker #1
That sounds like a Bob Newhart thing.
Speaker #0
I think it might have been.
Speaker #1
So he gets superhuman abilities. Norman Osborn tries to replicate the experiment that gave Peter his powers, which results in the creation of the Green Goblin Doc Ock. And eventually, Hobgoblin...
Speaker #0
You can't do this to me. I created this company. He's gay, but he's also Norman Osborn. He's the Green Goblin. There's many facets to his character.
Speaker #1
That was Willem Dafoe, right?
Speaker #0
It was Willem Dafriend. He speaks much better. Willem Dafoe is down here, Peter.
Speaker #1
So, after the death of his uncle Ben at the hands of a thief, Peter, that Peter could have stopped, he adopts the identity of Spider-Man, vowing to use his powers responsibly. So... so that's the part where that's my problem exactly what's the guy's name the actor dennis from marina no i remember that from our first episode so the actor's name apparently is like michael pap about it i just thought his thing i thought the character was named dennis farina which is just an actor from get shorty we don't have those wires crossed you're about to make a mistake one day uh
Speaker #0
but this was the this is i mean ben dies he's gotta die uh he's he's uh peter's guilt uh ridden and um this dan slott said is biggest Peter Parker, Spider-Man's biggest villain is Peter Parker. This is how you see him sort of deal with the, he doesn't come out for lack of a better term, swinging.
Speaker #1
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker #2
Out of the park.
Speaker #1
This hits harder. Right at the end zone. He just, he scored a hat trick.
Speaker #0
He don't have his shit together. Spider-Man never does and that's why I think people love him so much because he's relatable.
Speaker #2
They don't let you forget it either.
Speaker #0
No, because the
Speaker #2
In the recaps, everyone through issues one through seven, they're like, Peter Parker is a dork. He's gone off top.
Speaker #0
His bank account's overdrawn.
Speaker #2
They're like, still a dork. Literally, it goes all the way to issue five, and then they're like, okay, he's not.
Speaker #1
He's seven hours time. Peter Parker was a nerd.
Speaker #2
Well, everyone's giving him a fucking hard time.
Speaker #1
Then he was a stapler. Now Peter is a carrot. He's going to see being a carrot isn't as easy as it looks.
Speaker #0
Dave, where Peter Parker has fumbled the bags.
Speaker #1
In the next arc.
Speaker #0
the carrot rated pg-13 now he's just a depressed toy yeah um peter uh it seems like you're sad i'm gonna handle them so well in um the second spider-verse movie because the first one they show the great you know he has a breakup with mary jane and it's a very relatable spider-man and then in the second one he gets his shit together and he has mayday and some of the best scenes with them and he's still like he's he kind of teaches miles the wrong lesson and miles has the greatest line in any Spider-Man movie, I think, which is, no, I'm going to do my own thing. That inspires me every time I watch it. That's a great one. It's so great. It's so great. Not to get off topic, but Ultimate really started my love for Spider-Man and so many other people's too, because his mask covers the whole face, as what Stan Lee said, so anyone can see themselves in Spider-Man.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And what's cool is in this one, we really get to know Ben more than you do with the original comic, and you're like, you really feel the pain of losing Ben, because he was a great guy. And when Peter's struggling, Ben doesn't get angry at him. He just keeps saying, snap out of it, Peter. Like, I know you can. And so the pain Peter feels, we feel it. And also, you get a cool dichotomy in this. Because Peter gets spider powers. And even though he loses his Uncle Ben, his life starts getting pretty cool. Other than that, like, he starts dating Mary Jane. He still has his mom. Not his mom, but he still has Mae, who's basically his mom. Harry's life falls apart. Dude.
Speaker #0
Because of Normans.
Speaker #1
Because Normans.
Speaker #2
Peter gets a fucking glow up.
Speaker #1
Peter gets a glow up.
Speaker #2
And he needs so much at once that he's like, I don't know what to do. I'm just a dork.
Speaker #1
And Harry's like.
Speaker #0
No, really? Yeah. He's not used to this.
Speaker #1
Yeah, he's not.
Speaker #0
Harry's used to everything going for him. Yeah. He's like Barron Trump. Yeah, exactly. He's kind of a billionaire. Peter's a poor kid who got spider powers and shit's working out. Harry.
Speaker #1
I think it's something like Tiffany. It's something like that.
Speaker #0
He was one of my kids, Tiffany. But like,
Speaker #1
it's...
Speaker #0
He becomes a...
Speaker #1
He's an annoying husband.
Speaker #0
What, uh... Yeah, is that when we get into the gobby?
Speaker #1
Yeah, so... Peter, his first enemy he fights is a goblin, and Peter doesn't know who it is. And Harry's like, that's my dad. And he killed... The goblin killed Harry's mom, and then Harry disappears, and we don't see Harry or Norman again. until this next arc, the Goblin, returns. And he looks...
Speaker #0
He's a complete redesign of the Goblin. Oh, Harry? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker #1
Harry is cool, yeah.
Speaker #2
First came on, that's who I was talking about earlier.
Speaker #1
Oh, you mean as me as Travolta? Yeah.
Speaker #2
Yeah, he just said something like, God rest his soul.
Speaker #1
Yeah, that Gwen Stacy, holy patootie. I mean, she's hot, but not as hot as Flash Thompson.
Speaker #2
Like in a leather jacket. Yeah. I was like, this is Brent in a comic book. Like, I loved it. Yeah. Daddy.
Speaker #0
I still see you as Spider-Man.
Speaker #1
Aw.
Speaker #0
I read, I read the comics in Brent's voice or Morty. It's pretty, it's the same thing.
Speaker #2
Yeah, I keep, I'm.
Speaker #0
There's two Jewish comedy writers.
Speaker #2
There's only two.
Speaker #0
There's only two.
Speaker #1
Always two there are.
Speaker #0
No more, no less. A master and an apprentice. But which was destroyed.
Speaker #1
Now that I do not.
Speaker #0
Sitting at the same funeral I am. Furious, you make me, Nick.
Speaker #1
Yes, yes. I think we're going to fuck that green Yoda.
Speaker #0
Yes, yes. What's her name? I'm her Yaddle. Yes, yes, yes. Yaddle-daddle, squaddle-daddle. I don't care what color her lightsaber is. Mine is raging hot. You louder.
Speaker #1
You pick me. Hey. That Norman Osborn was the green godless.
Speaker #0
The spider was radioactive. You know, somehow you know. I could not prove it. You know, somehow the boy was the chosen one.
Speaker #1
And Mary eventually sees Peter and she goes, hey, hey, Peter. She goes, she goes, he goes, yeah, I'm Spider-Man. She goes, yeah, that's right.
Speaker #2
I figured.
Speaker #1
Yeah, I figured.
Speaker #0
Yeah, we know.
Speaker #1
So the goblin returned.
Speaker #0
Coming in at 3 a.m. every night, fucked up. You don't play football, bitch.
Speaker #1
4 a.m.
Speaker #0
4 a.m., yeah.
Speaker #1
With two chains. Peter's like, I'm different, yeah, I'm different.
Speaker #0
I'm Spider. He's two shooters instead of two chains. Two webs.
Speaker #1
Web sling is up to the competition.
Speaker #2
That was good. That is rich.
Speaker #1
They'll pull up to the scene with a mask he's missing. So the goblin returns. Norman, who's now the Green Goblin, returns after seeming.
Speaker #0
He looks like a cousin on meth.
Speaker #1
He does, yeah. He looks crazy. And he's insane now. And he's demanding Peter join him. Right.
Speaker #0
He's a festive teenager. at his highest right here. He's very Scott Pilgrim.
Speaker #1
You are James Franco's dad.
Speaker #0
An apple doesn't fall far from the tree because it can't, thanks to the judge's decree.
Speaker #1
Norman was reading a lot of Scott Pilgrim. He was.
Speaker #2
They cut it down. They cut that tree.
Speaker #0
They're giving training. We're right back. This apple's rotten. This apple was very... Seth Rogen distanced himself from this apple very quickly.
Speaker #2
It's like the witch with the old apple and stuff.
Speaker #1
Yeah,
Speaker #0
yeah. It's the... Yeah. Tasty. It's hot. I know what an acting class means. You ain't getting me like Travolta.
Speaker #2
I'm going to take an apple from a hooded bitch.
Speaker #1
Yes, yes, take the apple.
Speaker #2
Get this girl. She's going to wake up.
Speaker #1
It's the second time you've slapped me.
Speaker #0
First week.
Speaker #1
I have created this apple. That was Peter Lorre for all the youngins out there. A very topical reference.
Speaker #2
That was a cream like one could use.
Speaker #1
So the battle between Spidey and Goblin intensifies. It leads to Norman's capture by S.H.I.E.L.D. And this is so intense because Norman's defeated when Harry, like, stabs him with a beam. And this is so brutal for Harry because Norman was never there for Harry. Norman wasn't there.
Speaker #2
Take me to the fair. It was all the way in Queens.
Speaker #1
Just, just. And then he turns it around. He goes, Harry, Harry, give your dad a hug.
Speaker #0
You know, I'm something of an absent father. myself.
Speaker #1
I'm hip. I'm with it. I'ma turn you into a goblin, Harry.
Speaker #0
I feel like you write your outlines like Norman Osborn was fighting off the Goblin mask in Spider-Man 1. He just knows it's there and it's just sitting there and you're like, all right, pull the balloon back down. He's like, no, tell them this is a figure pack from 1963 Spider-Man.
Speaker #1
Do it.
Speaker #0
It's Kurtzberg.
Speaker #1
Do it.
Speaker #0
Do it. Yes, Skywalker. If he could be turned, he would become a powerful Spider-Boy. He will join us.
Speaker #1
What is that bidding my outline?
Speaker #0
There's a great disturbance in Queens. It was terrorism.
Speaker #1
Like, what was that about Queens?
Speaker #2
First one we were talking about where Babe's like, yeah, me and Ben, we heard ruckus. And he was like, it's a squirrel in the kitchen. And she's like, squirrel and queens? That's not New York.
Speaker #0
There's a lot of squirrels and queens.
Speaker #2
And twins. And twins. And I. Ah.
Speaker #0
Love. Love.
Speaker #1
That never ends.
Speaker #2
And those twins.
Speaker #1
And twins.
Speaker #0
What is? No.
Speaker #2
You're too young for that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. That I'm a dot lens.
Speaker #0
Oh, I remember that one. That was the first thing my dad ever downloaded.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah?
Speaker #0
What's that? Remember the Justice? They did a dub over with all those characters. Oh,
Speaker #1
did they? Yeah. Oh.
Speaker #0
It was like the first meme.
Speaker #1
Well, they did a scary movie, which I loved. Yeah.
Speaker #0
I never saw it. My ex loved it, and I refused.
Speaker #2
It was not scary.
Speaker #1
Yeah. But it was funny. It was a movie. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Hollywood, next star. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Well, I like this Hollywood art because it was...
Speaker #1
It's meta.
Speaker #0
Yeah, and it's very meta. And some of the big shots decide to make a Spider-Man movie based on his life. And Peter hates every minute of it.
Speaker #1
And Opie's in it. Avi Orange's in it. Yeah. Sam Raimi's in it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, the guy who makes all the decisions for all things Spider-Man is in it. And that's very funny that he was also in this. Him and Amy Pascal. yeah yeah they're the two spider spider exactly yeah don't say that about this lady this you'll kill her it's kind of like it was the it's commentary on how the uh uh superhero movies are exploiting the popularity of the blockbuster type and bendis was poking a lot of fun at it's kind of like invincible season two when they're meeting uh yeah he meets the creator of danger dog or whoever it is that he likes and They had to rush the second season, and he's talking about how animation takes a long time, and sometimes you'll notice they'll cut away from the mouth so they don't have to animate it. Sorry,
Speaker #1
animation takes a long time. And who voices Danger Dog?
Speaker #0
Who does?
Speaker #1
Rob Delaney.
Speaker #2
I knew that was a question that you would take the answer for.
Speaker #1
A.K.A. Peter. Yeah. Hey, Peter.
Speaker #2
Oh, Rob Delaney.
Speaker #1
Peter Poole? Yeah. Peter Poole.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker #1
Peter Ful.
Speaker #0
That's Ben.
Speaker #2
Oh, my God. I'm so obsessed with him.
Speaker #1
With Delaney? Or Peter.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Or Wade.
Speaker #2
In a weird way. Yeah. I will digress in now.
Speaker #1
Daddy Rob.
Speaker #2
Is getting wet in here.
Speaker #0
Peter, are you wearing the water?
Speaker #2
My caution, wet floor sign. Yes,
Speaker #0
there is. That ain't just spider senses tingling.
Speaker #1
Spidey senses are tingling. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Duffman is getting aroused.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah. Duffman has quarter chopped.
Speaker #0
Court of Judgment. Oh, yeah. Duffman got bit by a spider and got cancer.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #2
Duffman is now Hartman.
Speaker #0
Literally.
Speaker #1
I love you, Shelly.
Speaker #2
I love you. Come out of here, Shelly, please.
Speaker #1
So, yeah, super meta. And the Spidey movie's coming out. It attracts Doc Ock's attention. So Doc Ock was in the same explosion.
Speaker #0
Just like Alfred Molina.
Speaker #1
Just like Alfred Molina. Bye, Molina.
Speaker #0
Oh, I got the part, son. It is in the palm of my hand. Peter Parker.
Speaker #2
It is really.
Speaker #1
You can't, if we keep,
Speaker #0
you can't keep bringing that up every time we do Bane. We told you it's grandfathered in.
Speaker #1
It's grandfathered in.
Speaker #2
God, Bane, you're so dumb.
Speaker #1
Stop trying to make such happen. Next time on the show, if you like the nap. are good for you, Glenn Coco, who are non-profession leaders.
Speaker #0
I'm Tom Hardy for this new Venom movie coming out.
Speaker #2
That is going to become part of my regular vocabulary.
Speaker #0
It is in mine. I'm Tom Hardy right now.
Speaker #1
Venom! Venom! We are! We are! Venom!
Speaker #0
We are! He comes quick, just like me. That's why I love him.
Speaker #1
Obagoya.
Speaker #0
Venom! That's what I say when I come. I also love I love I love Venom I hate in Spider-Man 3 him hearing him go I because Topher they shoehorned in Venom Venom is we yeah it's him and Eddie it's a bonding thing it's very weird they're so true yes yeah they're bonding oh they're bonded they're bonded we're bonded Eddie
Speaker #1
So Doc Ock escapes shield custody. He wreaks havoc on the film set, forcing Peter to confront him once again.
Speaker #0
And forcing production to shut down for three days.
Speaker #1
And forcing production to shut down. And they end up using the footage of the fight in the movie. And Peter doesn't make a dime off it.
Speaker #0
It's like in the Twilight Zone movie where that guy dies.
Speaker #1
You mean every Twilight Zone episode?
Speaker #0
No, someone died in the 80s Twilight Zone movie.
Speaker #1
Oh, what, really?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And they used it in the movie?
Speaker #0
It was something with a helicopter. Oh, shit.
Speaker #1
Oh, that's like a Brandon Lee thing. Yeah. Like, cause they, they probably felt, yeah, they probably filmed his, his probably used it.
Speaker #0
Cause Brandon Lee got shot on set and died during filming of the crow.
Speaker #2
That's kind of like this frigging, uh, Hollywood issue.
Speaker #0
That's yeah.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #2
And like the real Spider-Man comes in. He's like, are you rolling? Are you rolling? We're going to get that. You just saved us $1.2 million.
Speaker #0
Bruce Lee did that in a movie. Someone showed up to set to.
Speaker #1
Bruce Lee is on my head. Don't call me Lee head. Now, please excuse me. I gots to get my tree fed.
Speaker #0
I don't remember if it's a real story or if they put it in the biopic, but they hated the fact that he was teaching Americans martial arts and they showed up to set to fight him and he held his own and they kept a lot of the role.
Speaker #1
Well, that's what, if you've ever seen the movie, Ant-Man 4. Yes. Yes. So that's, that's a big part of it. Like. If his master, like his like grand sensei, like ends up coming to San Francisco because he's teaching. Yeah, because Bruce has basically been like a pariah for teaching Americans.
Speaker #0
That's why I refuse.
Speaker #1
Like I thought it meant for it meant for movies are amazing.
Speaker #0
There's those studios everywhere. There's only one person who could have taught it. And that was Bruce Lee. He wrote the Tao of Jeet Kune Do after, you know, when he was getting Sharon. Was that his wife's name? Sharon Lee. That might have been a daughter's name. But he's like the one guy who you could learn it from. The book is great. And if you're interested in Bruce Lee or if you're interested in comics, I would highly recommend the Dao Ji Kendo. It's just very... I love the mastery of that guy.
Speaker #1
Watch Enter the Dragon 2. It is the best.
Speaker #0
The best Bruce Lee movie.
Speaker #1
You come straight out of a comic book.
Speaker #0
Man, you come straight out of a comic book. Jim Kelly. My man,
Speaker #1
Luke Cage. The inspiration for Grandmaster Bushino Brown.
Speaker #0
My dog.
Speaker #1
That was one of the best YouTube comments that we got. When we, uh, someone like we talked about Bushido Brown into the attack on Titan episode. And he goes, I'm sorry. Uh, I'm sorry guys, but it's Brad and Matt Bushido Brown.
Speaker #0
Yeah. As someone who grew up with a black dad who loved comic books, I was exposed to nothing but Bruce Lee and, uh, and, and, uh, comics. And that's where my love of green Hornet came in.
Speaker #1
That's what I'm telling you. Immortal iron fist. You will love that book.
Speaker #0
I'm looking forward to it, but also down the road.
Speaker #1
Yeah. It's also Danny Rand, and we love sitting on Danny Rand, who we will shit on very soon. Yes,
Speaker #0
give it to me.
Speaker #1
Hobgoblin is the next arc. So this is...
Speaker #0
73 through 79.
Speaker #1
Yeah, this one...
Speaker #0
Harry's got daddy.
Speaker #1
Harry's got daddy issues. He transforms into the Hobgoblin under the influence of his father's Oz formula because he was in that explosion.
Speaker #0
Yeah, he's been slowly unraveling since the start of the series.
Speaker #2
Get explosion.
Speaker #1
Nice. So Peter must face his best friend in a tragic battle that pushes their friendship to the brink. A wrap. Because this is where we realize Harry's psyche was totally fractured, and he's seeing these visions of his father's wet work assassin guy. That's not us. Yeah, wait, wait. Yeah.
Speaker #0
You wet.
Speaker #1
Look out,
Speaker #0
hello. Have you brought pumpkin? Pumpkin for my bum? Settle down, Harry.
Speaker #1
It's like I'm ready for that watermelon sugar. That watermelon sugar.
Speaker #0
Are you spanking the monkey in there? I'm fighting, I'm giving Spider-Man all the attention my father never gave me. That's pretty cool.
Speaker #1
You remind me of my father.
Speaker #2
You remind me of my dad.
Speaker #0
Dad,
Speaker #1
I want cereal.
Speaker #0
Turn himself into a guy. Blinkers, Spidey's blue. And he was jealous of the things that he could do.
Speaker #1
Because Peter is a Jew. Peter is a Jew. He is a Jew.
Speaker #0
It's seven o'clock on the dot. Peter is celebrating Shabbat.
Speaker #2
Better turn off the lights, we don't use electricity these nights.
Speaker #1
He says, Meshugganah 2.
Speaker #0
This pod just keeps getting more and more Jewish.
Speaker #2
Oh, we are converting by the minute.
Speaker #0
Excellent. I have more circumstances.
Speaker #2
We're trying to bring in the one.
Speaker #0
Petal Smithers. Minority. Yes, sir. It's supposed to represent the days of burning of oil. Oil. That'll do us no good. We are nuclear-powered Smithers. I demand you to... I will blow out all those candles. Sir, do not blow out the candles. You'll herniate your disc again. Put out that candle and buy the
Speaker #2
Talmud. We're going to do Rosh Hashanah.
Speaker #0
Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah.
Speaker #1
Honestly, you guys... It was like a very factually... Like, everything was accurate in your guys'riff there.
Speaker #2
Just like we were host.
Speaker #0
Yeah, I said October 8th. I sat down and listened. I'm foghorn Jew horn. Drop that out, please, Will.
Speaker #1
Heaven's megatrods, even. Exit stage left.
Speaker #0
I thought it was like Shatner. That was us.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #0
I am going down. Please, someone help me. Beam me up to the hospital, Scott.
Speaker #2
I can't do it.
Speaker #0
I can't give it any more, Captain. You got to stop drinking, sir.
Speaker #1
The faces seem the same.
Speaker #0
Live long and prosper, which I will not, because I smoked my entire life.
Speaker #1
I, too, am. Jewish.
Speaker #0
Shatner.
Speaker #1
That's all I was trying to get to. Shatner is.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Because TJ Hooker was like right. That was the show he did.
Speaker #1
Oh, OK. That's what I'll do.
Speaker #2
JT prostitute.
Speaker #0
No. That's who he was chasing. Because it was a cop show.
Speaker #2
Chasing tail.
Speaker #0
It's really bad. Yeah. So is Kirk. Fucking a green bitch. And gang, this is Kobayashi Maru. Oh, I cheated on Kobayashi Maru because I was with my smiz-maru. Kif, you'll have to defeat Khan and watch Spock make a sacrifice. I won't let you do it because I live to be 150.
Speaker #1
Peter, you're going to have to make up with Mary Jane because you don't want to end up sad and alone. Thanks, all right. So the hobgob. So the hobgob. Hobgob. Hobgob. I love his design in this,
Speaker #0
too. Yeah, it is. It's very cool. I love the orange cloak, but this design was very cool.
Speaker #1
It's also so tragic, too, because you realize the whole, he's been baiting Peter this entire arc, and it's just because he wants Peter to kill him. He's in so much pain.
Speaker #0
It reminds me of Marvin Gaye. You know Marvin Gaye's last words were? uh what he got his dad to shoot him oh i didn't know he egged his dad oh he egged his dad out he as he's holding his brother there's brothers holding him his last words where i got him to do what i couldn't do that's what marvin gaye's last words were because he he egged his dad out and his dad shot him pled guilty i only did like five years what's going on that was yeah yeah it was actual sexual healing yeah that's a bullet on When I get back in,
Speaker #2
I know I won't be healing.
Speaker #0
Because I got no progenitor, in fact. Peter.
Speaker #2
Peter fucking Parker. He's getting smarter and stronger.
Speaker #0
Because I got bit by a spider and I got spider powers.
Speaker #2
He's got eight legs. Nine.
Speaker #0
Mine only four. It's shooting whips.
Speaker #2
It's kind of hot, yeah.
Speaker #0
In the friend zone.
Speaker #2
He's just horny. Cause he hasn't hit puberty.
Speaker #1
I'm actually just liking the serenade there.
Speaker #0
Girl, let me move you. Unless Gwen stays there. Wrap it back in half. That's good for Pete.
Speaker #2
Where's Mary Jane? Who cares?
Speaker #0
Gwen's out to meet you.
Speaker #2
Mary Jane! We should just drop a mixtape.
Speaker #0
We are going to get copyright stricken like a motherfucker. Brad, pick us back up.
Speaker #1
Back from the remix. Now it's all on Hobgoblin. No.
Speaker #0
We're not even halfway through this, motherfucker. No,
Speaker #1
we're actually more than halfway through.
Speaker #0
Oh, we are. We are. Okay, sorry.
Speaker #1
But yeah, no, Hob... Hobgoblin is... So this is where... Where were we in this? Oh, yeah. So Hobgoblin is begging Peter to kill him. And... Peter. That was sad. It's so sad because Harry's in just so much pain. He just wants to end his suffering and Fury comes in and he gets all...
Speaker #2
And his dad affected him? Or like, how the fuck did this happen?
Speaker #1
Because he was in the explosion. Oh. So when Norman Osborn experimented on himself, like, exactly. So Otto turns into Doc Ock. Rick, Gishay, Morty.
Speaker #2
Rick, Gishay,
Speaker #1
Morty. Now that I'm Morty,
Speaker #0
Rick, Gishay, and Morty.
Speaker #2
Oh, jeez,
Speaker #0
I got these powers. I don't want them. Rick,
Speaker #1
please kill me. The what?
Speaker #0
Motherfucker.
Speaker #1
You got these what? It burns.
Speaker #0
What did you say you got,
Speaker #1
Morty? He got the power. God damn it, Morty. It's a... The sun in the... In the bottom of his fucking hands, Morty. Fucking hands.
Speaker #0
Right after Morty, but he killed a woman.
Speaker #2
Invested in me. Oh,
Speaker #0
jeez, don't bring it up.
Speaker #1
Mr. Nimbus.
Speaker #0
He controls the police,
Speaker #1
Morty.
Speaker #2
You mean the cops? You talking to the cops?
Speaker #0
You been talking to the cops,
Speaker #1
yes. We been talking to the cops.
Speaker #0
Have you, Peter?
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
What you been saying? Hey, what's up? The cops don't like it.
Speaker #1
I was saying... Peter,
Speaker #0
why did you stop 9-11?
Speaker #1
I mean, that Harry's not dropping smart all the time....in this house.
Speaker #0
It started in 2000, Peter. Of course. You stopped 9-11, Pete. He could've. But he didn't. He didn't. I'm a David Norton.
Speaker #2
I'm a great executive.
Speaker #1
I feel guilty about his uncle's death.
Speaker #0
What about all the people in his towers? He was fine to see it. And Fury could have stopped 9-11 too. He led to heaven.
Speaker #2
Baby.
Speaker #0
He was on the board of Halliburton. Don't you want to stop 9-11?
Speaker #2
Goblin.
Speaker #1
Goblin.
Speaker #0
We ain't never getting out of this article.
Speaker #2
Oh, gosh.
Speaker #1
But yes. Hot dogs. Fury and, uh, Fury and, uh. Remember your back on it.
Speaker #2
Hot dogs. No girl likes that. That's how it started. And I was like, what? I would love this amount of hot dogs.
Speaker #1
Wait, we started with a hot dog?
Speaker #2
That's how the Hobgoblin started, that issue.
Speaker #1
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Speaker #2
It was in my notes because I like hot dogs. Sorry, continue.
Speaker #0
I was, we were listening to you.
Speaker #1
That was it. That's all I have. I just like. Oh,
Speaker #2
okay.
Speaker #0
We'll make that mistake again.
Speaker #1
Fuck five guys. Fuck these two guys.
Speaker #2
God. The In-N-Out Burglar.
Speaker #0
It's a bar bar. It's around two hours. It's shit.
Speaker #2
Yes. My anal beads are ready. Faisal? Faisal.
Speaker #1
Guys, Brent loses his mind.
Speaker #2
I know.
Speaker #0
You mention one guy,
Speaker #2
nobody panics. You mention five guys, well,
Speaker #0
Brent just looks at all of his impressions.
Speaker #2
You see, I just lined up the dog.
Speaker #1
A blunt.
Speaker #2
Introduce, introduce a bukkake. A bukkake. I've established a relationship with bukkake. Everything is facing semen. I'm thinking of semen. And you know the thing about semen? You know the thing about semen? It's wet. It's sticky.
Speaker #1
Wet work.
Speaker #2
Wet work. You see, on the subject of wet work, Shaw, who is the wet work guy for Norman Osborn, represents Harry's psyche where he's asking Peter to take his life. And so when Fury and his men take Harry out, Peter's fucking, he decks Fury. He's like, how could you let this happen? You were looking after Harry and he turned into this.
Speaker #0
Because he knows, yeah, Fury does let it happen.
Speaker #2
Yeah, it happened on Fury's, because Fury was basically like, I don't have time for this shit. No can do. Yeah,
Speaker #1
he always pops up out of nowhere. I got time for that.
Speaker #2
Take on Peter Parker.
Speaker #0
He's a brat.
Speaker #1
Take Fury home.
Speaker #2
We're killing Harry. Peter's powers will be gone in a day or two.
Speaker #0
So needless to say, Peter Parker, he gets fucked again and again. And then they clone that weird motherfucker.
Speaker #2
Stolen away One is disguised as Kane Harry's dead Harry's dead
Speaker #0
We're so good What happens in the Is that the end?
Speaker #2
That's the end of Hot Mouth Okay then we get
Speaker #0
The When one Spider-Man is It's enough We get to the
Speaker #2
Attack of the Clones We get the attack of the What's interesting is The Clone Saga is the Worst thing to happen To Spider-Man in the Amazing series And yet Bendis makes it Awesome in this I love it
Speaker #1
Silent!
Speaker #2
Silent!
Speaker #0
It's what, it's, yeah, they nodded to it with the Ben Reilly, Andy Samberg, and the Spider-Verse. This is the only time it was done right.
Speaker #2
Yeah. That's exactly.
Speaker #1
Kitty comes into play.
Speaker #0
Kitty Pride. Kitty.
Speaker #2
Kitty. Kitty. Kitty.
Speaker #0
It's crossed over with the X-Men quite a bunch.
Speaker #2
Rawr. I'm a cat.
Speaker #0
That's Smithers when he's off the clock.
Speaker #2
Yeah. Smithers. I'll get there. I'm getting there.
Speaker #0
Getting there. What? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Speaker #2
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Speaker #0
Why was this clone saga done so well?
Speaker #2
uh what'd you say because i think bendis knew he bendis had a start and he had a finish to it it felt like they were writing the clone saga as it was going on in the 70s yeah it was miles warren was involved the jackal then they brought it back in the 90s with ben reilly it felt like that someone like was just ripped that was when it was the worst yeah it just felt like someone was like ripping lines and was just like that's yeah ben peter and then ben reilly actually no peter's ben And we're going to bring back Norman and Strauss.
Speaker #0
It's going to be amazing. Yeah, we talked about it in Life Story, I think. Did we do Spider-Man Life Story in this pod? No. Fantastic Four Life Story.
Speaker #2
FF Life Story, yeah.
Speaker #0
We were just in our private life. Back when two men talked to each other and we didn't let anyone know what happened.
Speaker #2
Yeah, our private life where we make out with each other. Wait, did I say that? I meant make out with each other. There were two cameras. Yeah, there's cameras. Not gay if I tried not to enjoy it.
Speaker #1
It's not gay if I'm recording.
Speaker #0
There was no direction of where the clones should be.
Speaker #2
be and in this one every clone was written to have to be somewhere like there was a clone that was working for shield one served a purpose exactly yeah yeah so yeah this one so peter discovers multiple clones of himself this includes a female version who is actually jessica jessica drew others include scorpion tarantula cane and this is the one that's so brutal peter reunites with his father richard and you find you find out yeah take i'm not your father i'm not a father
Speaker #0
Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. He told me you killed him. No, I am not a crook.
Speaker #2
It's impossible.
Speaker #0
Such a failing human being.
Speaker #2
My father died in the Cloud Wars.
Speaker #0
That's what your uncle told you. He didn't want you following old Sir Mickey Dick on some damn holistic, idealistic crusade like your father did. Luke and Ben were both raised by their uncle.
Speaker #2
You're telling me you know my father?
Speaker #0
He was the best pilot in the galaxy. An iconic warrior. I understand you've become quite a good pilot yourself, my friend. And he was a good friend.
Speaker #1
You're gonna let that one lie.
Speaker #0
I think you keep going.
Speaker #2
Yes, I'll stop.
Speaker #1
Let that sleeping viper lie.
Speaker #0
Of course I know him. He's me. I have known by the name of Peter Parker since, oh, before I was Peter Parker.
Speaker #1
Hello there.
Speaker #2
Hello there. Hello there.
Speaker #0
I cloned that. General Clonobian,
Speaker #2
you are a clone. I was taught the art of cloning. To Octavius himself.
Speaker #0
My favorite fucking line is him going, I was trained in the Jedi arts by Count Dooku. In my head, I always go, that's good, I trained the Jedi who killed him.
Speaker #2
You know, Anakin, the guy who killed Dooku.
Speaker #0
I told him, don't try the high ground move. I know what you're going to do. And then he tried it. Turns out he wasn't the chosen one.
Speaker #1
Don't take the high road.
Speaker #0
He was born to destroy. He said you were going to destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring a balance to the force, not leave it in darkness.
Speaker #1
Getting sithy with it.
Speaker #0
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Is Anakin all right? Do you see Anakin here? No, I turned him into a hot dog. Bringing it back to you.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
That's all Darth Vader is. He's a hot dog in a suit.
Speaker #2
He's raw dog in a hot dog. He's raw dog,
Speaker #0
man. Set your feelings, Lord Vader. You will find hot dogs. Yes, my master.
Speaker #1
You ever have a hot dog in the winter?
Speaker #0
Never.
Speaker #1
Weird,
Speaker #2
right? You ever dance with a hot dog? You're going to pale the whole night? No,
Speaker #0
I'm going to pale the whole night. I like to say that to all my vendors. I just like the way it sounds. You want to get a hot dog?
Speaker #2
Let's get a hot dog. Johnny!
Speaker #0
Johnny! You wouldn't hit a guy with a hot dog, would you?
Speaker #1
Not in the face.
Speaker #0
Gentlemen, let's broaden our buns.
Speaker #2
The clone. So with the last clone, Peter reconnects with his father, Richard, who he thought died, and you find out... It's not actually Richard. It's just an older clone of Peter. Yeah. Doc. Dun, dun. Dun, dun.
Speaker #0
Just like Ray was a clone of Palpatine.
Speaker #2
Yes. And Doc Ock is revealed. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun.
Speaker #0
Joseph Smith. Smart, smart, smart. There it is. Joseph's wife. Smart, smart, smart. Joseph. Dun, dun, dun.
Speaker #2
That's a great episode.
Speaker #0
Great episode because it was right. Especially.
Speaker #2
That guy's actually pretty good. Pretty good. He's a good one.
Speaker #0
Thank you, guys. When he, the coolest thing is. They told a coherent version of the clone saga, and I'm glad because there's nothing cooler than a six-armed Spider-Man. Yeah.
Speaker #2
Oh, dude, Tarantula's great at this. So cool, yeah. But yeah, Doc Ock is revealed as the mastermind behind it. He's been working with Henry Gyrick, who is the guy who tried to kill Xavier in the X-97 episode, True Believers.
Speaker #0
Whatever you want from me, I am an X-Man.
Speaker #2
Which Roy was right about.
Speaker #0
I am always right.
Speaker #1
Until I'm left.
Speaker #0
And then I am still right.
Speaker #1
I can't turn left.
Speaker #2
I can't turn left.
Speaker #1
I can't turn left.
Speaker #2
Blue steel. Le Tigre.
Speaker #1
Is there anything more to life than just being ridiculously good looking? That's how I look at you.
Speaker #2
Are you kidding me? Just explain that whole thing.
Speaker #0
Remember that Simpsons joke where he's in the car and there's like, is there anything more beautiful than in the cloud? And he's like, if there is, I don't want to know about it.
Speaker #1
Humulus.
Speaker #0
And then was it It was his hat It was his hat Mr. Krabs He was Octopus Anything else have consequence with Otto
Speaker #2
Otto man Otto And Otto is Otto's fell backwards
Speaker #0
I'm scared
Speaker #2
Guy Rick recruited Otto To clone Peter Because he didn't like the power that Fury had. And so he wanted to create these clones of Peter. Otto was very excited because it meant ruining Peter's life. And the Richard one was really just an F you to Peter. He's like, I'm going to make you think your dad is still alive, but he's not. And you see the pain in Fury's eyes. And Peter's like, I'm going to make a deal with you, Fury. You step outside. You give me 10 minutes with Otto. And Fury does it. And Peter and Jessica... beat the shit out of Otto. Gyric gets indicted. And this is a cool moment. MJ, MJ, who actually gets experimented on by Kane and is cured by the FF. It sounds what? What? What?
Speaker #1
I get experimented by him.
Speaker #2
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. No, you do not. No, no, no. You will turn into a werewolf.
Speaker #0
Literally, he's named after Kane.
Speaker #2
He's named after...
Speaker #1
You know what happened to him?
Speaker #2
He wasn't able to stop Kane.
Speaker #1
Don't they know that or not?
Speaker #0
I only call you when I'm cloning. Pete.
Speaker #2
Kiss me through the clown. I forgot which one was me. Kiss me through the clown.
Speaker #0
See you, Norman Osborn.
Speaker #2
But in this,
Speaker #0
we get a definite answer.
Speaker #2
We get it, yeah. It's very much Peter. Ben Reilly isn't even a clone. He was the one behind it because he's the one who gave Ock the blood because he was Kurt Connors'lab assistant. And this is interesting. MJ tells Fury, she's like, Peter looks up to you like a dad. Like, can you just not give him shit all the time? And that's when Fury says to Peter, he goes, you're doing great. Like, you're on the right path. It's very much like Oberon saying that to Scott.
Speaker #1
Pat on the back.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #2
Yeah. If by back you mean ass, and by ass you mean dick, then yeah.
Speaker #1
If you mean slapping my ass.
Speaker #2
Yeah. Then I'm on board.
Speaker #1
I like foreplay. I'm a fan foreplay.
Speaker #2
Fantastic Four That's like four cops By Fan Four Stick We mean Fan For That's what I mean by Fan For Dick Fan For Richard
Speaker #0
That woman is invisible to me
Speaker #2
Do I look like I'm a queen? Yes Yes, yes.
Speaker #0
Bobby Bullshed, Marilyn.
Speaker #1
Bobby Boucher.
Speaker #2
We were disoited.
Speaker #0
Pavilions.
Speaker #1
Super Pavilions.
Speaker #0
And now in this pavilion, our last one is Ultimate Nights,
Speaker #2
right? Ultimate Nights, yes.
Speaker #0
Ultimate Nights.
Speaker #1
It was Ultimate Nights. In those Ultimate.
Speaker #0
No,
Speaker #2
I don't know. It's a Bob Seger song. I respect the Bob Seger. I like that.
Speaker #0
I like the white he's had.
Speaker #1
I like his song. Long hair. You're almost Bob Singer length.
Speaker #2
Yeah, actually.
Speaker #1
You're just missing the stash.
Speaker #2
You know what Bob Singer sings? Old time rock and roll.
Speaker #0
Oh. Some of the...
Speaker #1
He says, you like that old kind of cock and balls.
Speaker #2
Yeah, the old time cock and balls. I was strong. It was my whole... What up? Woo,
Speaker #1
God. Good job. Yeah. That'll get a high five.
Speaker #0
I was doing a sig pile.
Speaker #2
Amazing sig pile.
Speaker #1
It's rubbing off on here.
Speaker #2
What did he say about the soothings of the soil? We don't like it. I actually missed that bit. I was too busy taking hours at the club.
Speaker #1
I had to have a break from the oompses just to have a smoke. I just want one drag and then one drag queen and I go home.
Speaker #0
Speaking of unhinged. Somehow this version of Moon Knight is messier than the original.
Speaker #2
Absolutely, dude. Totally all this shit. This Moon Knight, he's crazy.
Speaker #0
Team up. I'm glad you picked this one. Because it's Spider-Man's very bad team up.
Speaker #2
It's a very bad team up, and it's also just... Collab. The ultimate... Here's the best hero. Yeah. Because these other guys are useless.
Speaker #0
They're just so dysfunctional. And it's kind of like in No Way Home when he was like, you guys have never fought on a team before, have you? He was like, I was in the Avengers. And I'm like,
Speaker #2
what's that? Is that a band? Were you in a band?
Speaker #0
yeah he's that's yeah he's he his bad ones by the way but continue what happened stop the clock that was the uh andrew garfield i know what that was uh so i
Speaker #2
let you sit in that one on purpose sit in it now you stay with it uh ultimate night Okay, Ultimate Knights. So a group of heroes, including Daredevil, Shang-Chi, and Iron Fist, they form the Ultimate Knights to take down the Kingpin. So Peter reluctantly joins them. This leads to a series of escalating confrontations.
Speaker #0
Their personalities keep changing.
Speaker #2
Yeah, because Moon Knight takes on this identity of the Ronin, and he shoots up Peter's school, and the whole thing is all for naught because Daredevil's brooding,
Speaker #0
and Iron Fist is just happy to get a mention.
Speaker #2
And he betrays them. Yeah,
Speaker #1
like... like freaking destroyed every issue. Every issue. They must have a crazy renovation budget. Well,
Speaker #2
they know Spider-Man goes to the high school, but no one inquires beyond that. They're like, yeah, I guess he goes here.
Speaker #0
And also, they don't stop. That's how you know they're villains. Right. Maybe, hmm. Super villains. Super villains. And it's, yeah, the ultimate version of Moon Knight is really, it's very unhinged, and it's all. Oh, crazy. Moon Knight books are very hard to read, but this was great, and it's easier to digest because of Spider-Man. This was.
Speaker #1
great.
Speaker #0
Correct. It's like Kim Crazy.
Speaker #2
Because they do a great job of showing the personalities conflicted within Moon Knight and Daredevil is just at his wit's end with Fisk because in this version, Fisk was actually responsible for Matt's dad's death and at the end of this, like...
Speaker #0
Was Matt's dad still a boxer?
Speaker #2
He was a boxer, yeah, but instead of it just being like a random criminal, it was Fisk who actually killed him. Oh, shit.
Speaker #0
Like Liev Schreiber's Fisk.
Speaker #2
Yeah, exactly. And Daredevil Lieb Schreiber, also Jewish.
Speaker #0
I know. Yeah. I heard that in the name. Tisk, tisk.
Speaker #2
Which part of it was the... The Lieb Schreiber. What about Schreiber? I love you.
Speaker #1
Ray Donovan, still going. 80 seasons.
Speaker #0
So are we.
Speaker #2
But what is great about this is Daredevil just gets... He's at his wit's end. He goes, you know what? He goes, I'm going to finally make Fisk hurt the way he made me hit. And he goes, I... I'm sorry. I'm just going to talk. No,
Speaker #1
do it. Do it. Do it. Sorry.
Speaker #2
I'm just going to get through it.
Speaker #1
Yeah. I have nothing to say.
Speaker #2
I'm so done.
Speaker #0
We're going to recap in a second. I'm so sorry.
Speaker #1
It's okay.
Speaker #0
What does he say to him?
Speaker #2
What he says. So he's just at his wits end. And then he just, he finally goes to Vanessa and he goes, I'm going to fucking kill her. And Peter stops him from. doing it.
Speaker #0
No way home. Peter's stopping him from killing Gabi. Yeah. When he steps in, that's one of my favorite shots. No dialogue. It just looks at him.
Speaker #2
That's not what we do. And that's what I think really kind of cements Peter as who he is. He's like, you know what? He goes, Matt, he goes, I don't like you that much. He goes, you're kind of a jerk. He goes, but you're not Fisk. He goes, you are better than this and he stops him from killing vanessa and that's how peter peter kind of cements who he really is he's like you know what he goes this is who i am i cannot kill daredevil you can't kill either you're better than fisk and because they take the high route it's over edigan it adds it it ends up by it ends up working out because moon knight uh moon knight ends up testifying against fisk fisk ends up going to prison and uh they do it in killing joke
Speaker #0
buy the book don't let it change exactly exactly which we will get to on the next episode ooh yes what a nice end I'm glad you picked Ultimate Knights because it's a little it's a gem in a stack because after this is when it sort of starts to get kind of crazy it's still good but like this was a great cap off because I love I love a good team up man and I love when it works and I also love the fact that he every hero has their secret identity and their hero's identity uh you could have i fully believe batflex batman would kill even though he shouldn't i believe he would be driven to if the joker did kill dick grayson that's his batman christian bale's batman would not kill because that's his that's the whole thing he has to learn in in two spider-man and that that's the difference between bruce wayne and batman difference between spider-man and peter parker is is really nothing kind of spider-man is just funnier than peter parker peter's heart is what drives
Speaker #2
the friendly in the friendly neighborhood spider-man i feel like there's three major street level heroes there's spidey there's daredevil and there is frank castle and you have spidey on one side who just is so secure in his morals and even though he goes to the ringer he will never cross that line frank castle is on the other side who always crosses that line exactly then you have met devil yeah who's always kind of on the edge and matt never breaks never goes to frank's side but he sometimes needs peter the end of daredevil is so great
Speaker #0
You don't get to change who I am.
Speaker #2
Exactly.
Speaker #0
He rocks his shit.
Speaker #1
In the show?
Speaker #0
In the show. No,
Speaker #2
when he's like strangling him. Yeah. He stops himself. He goes, I want to kill you so badly. He goes, yeah.
Speaker #0
He's screaming in his face.
Speaker #1
Don't have a condom.
Speaker #0
And I can't see. That's the only way this evens out. Overall, great pick. It was so fun to go down a memory lane nostalgia trip, but also just. They've recently rebooted Ultimate Spider-Man. That's right, with Hickman. Yes, and it's very good. Hickman, you know, they should call him Hickman. He never misses. This was truly one of the most fun books I've ever read, and I was so glad to go back and see. I'm glad you picked out these issues, because I wanted to see which ones you would highlight and what would be important to you, and you hit it out of the park. Slater, you swallowed all this today. Yeah.
Speaker #2
You did a binge Yeah
Speaker #0
But it was digestible you said Yeah yeah yeah I didn't spit I um
Speaker #1
You just laid it Spider spit Spider spit
Speaker #0
Never swallows like a spider does Can she swallow my semen
Speaker #2
No she can't
Speaker #0
She just spits Look out Here comes the spider spit
Speaker #1
And that's a bonus track folks Um Yeah no it was It was good I I think it took me like four or five hours to read it all in one sitting isn't it great when a book does that yeah yeah did you notice that it was four or five hours or is it like you oh no i only noticed when i looked at the clock yeah she she and then i was like oh shit and then i heard your voice i heard your squeaky little sneakers coming up the stairwell hello friends i was like he's here god help me um they're like put the swastikas away yeah get the batarang um you But yeah, no, it was there was like a lot of funny.
Speaker #2
It's been an entire weekend calling me a virgin. I can call you guys Nazis. Oh, I know.
Speaker #0
I know.
Speaker #2
Same thing.
Speaker #0
You know, his quips are meant to disarm the villain, you know, make them like jokes. Those quips, Brad. They're meant to make them think. And that's what they think. You think he's just being a dick, but like it's supposed to make you the villain sort of.
Speaker #2
And it's also a defense mechanism. Yeah. It's because he's going over his head. Yeah.
Speaker #1
no way stop that and when he uh it's interesting because when he fights moon knight at the school he's like i'm not even gonna make jokes with you you're fucking shooting up a school like yeah yeah not a good time to crack a joke no yeah yeah no run baby run joke um the i had a because there was a lot of humor in this so i wrote down my favorite quotes top three quotes from this session uh first one uh jameson being like you smell that this is our new oj talking about Spider-Man. Probably can't do that one.
Speaker #0
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's...
Speaker #1
I'm going to toss my cookies. Some of these are like 50s slang. I was like, toss my cookies? What the fuck does that mean?
Speaker #2
Did Jonah say that too?
Speaker #1
At least Santa said that. No, John Travolta.
Speaker #2
Yeah, John Travolta.
Speaker #1
Peter Parker said it. It's still recording. Then he was like, can't believe I had to get out of line at Taco Bell for this. That was great. Also Peter Parker. Oh,
Speaker #2
and it is Jewish.
Speaker #1
Also, he's wearing a beefcake shirt and it looks like... Who, Peters? Cartman from South Park on it. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, there's no way there was a crossover right there.
Speaker #0
It could have been. Yeah, same time.
Speaker #1
It looked like it. It was funny. Oh, yeah. Then they're calling Flash gay a bunch. And he's like, what? He's like, you come out of the closet yet? Yeah.
Speaker #2
Oh, yeah. That's like the first thing Harry says when he reappears, right? He goes, Flash is gay, right? They're like, yeah, Flash is gay.
Speaker #1
The sharks in the tank, that was weird. Is that always like that? Fisk? And, um. No, no,
Speaker #2
no. Off of Norman.
Speaker #0
Oh,
Speaker #2
yeah. I think they really, I don't think, I think in that one, they really kind of just ended to like make him like a Bond villain. Yeah.
Speaker #1
So funny. It reminded me of where the Miller is, where he's got the, I bought a whale.
Speaker #2
Oh, with that Helms, yeah.
Speaker #1
I just wanted to see Norman do it. I'd be like, yeah, I got a couple sharks.
Speaker #0
I bought a sperm whale, Peter.
Speaker #1
Breaks in the middle of whatever issue and all the sharks are on the ground. And then you just see everyone like cleaning up.
Speaker #2
Sperm whale, Peter.
Speaker #1
And they just. shoulder.
Speaker #0
Amor's going, I'm having a good time with this.
Speaker #1
Back to the zoo.
Speaker #0
It was just great.
Speaker #1
What else? Just one of the last ones with the clone of Peter Parker. He's got a half face. He's denting it.
Speaker #2
Oh, Kane, yeah.
Speaker #1
Mary Jane's just looking at him. He's like, I'm going to make you just like me. Don't do that. My face is everything.
Speaker #2
I don't have the courage to look like you. It works for you, though.
Speaker #1
Courage the cowardly.
Speaker #0
Do you have a favorite moment?
Speaker #1
You read? Favorite moment. I don't know. There was a lot of drama with MJ and Peter Parker in this. And I bet that was.
Speaker #2
Peter Parker.
Speaker #1
Peter Parker. How dare you? But he was just trying to protect her. And then it just got crazy town. I don't know. I like the obviously romantic stuff. Yeah. I don't know.
Speaker #0
How about you,
Speaker #1
Brent? Brings a more human element.
Speaker #2
My favorite moments?
Speaker #0
Yeah, mine we didn't go over, but we'll get to it.
Speaker #2
Yeah, mine actually we didn't go over either. So I talked about at the beginning when Peter is struggling and Ben says like under his breath, snap out of it, Peter. And then like maybe 70 issues later when Gwen dies and she's killed by carnage and Peter is so crushed and he doesn't want to be Spider-Man anymore. And Mary Jane is trying to give him the pep talk and she's like. You got to do what the world needs people like you. And Peter's like, I am a flawed person. I don't want to do this anymore. And then as he walks away, she goes, snap out of it, Peter. It's just a cool full circle moment. Yeah,
Speaker #0
that's my my favorite is in Ultimatum when Ultimatum Magneto shifts the North Pole and the South Pole because someone killed his kids. Someone killed. Wanda and Quicksilver. And as a result, he turns the Earth's axis and floods Manhattan. And Jameson turns his opinion on Spider-Man when he sees it. Manhattan's flooded. People are dying. There's no sense in saving anybody. And Peter's still out. He's still out saving people. And Jameson sees that and finally goes, okay, he's not a menace.
Speaker #2
It's like the starfish story.
Speaker #0
Yes, exactly.
Speaker #2
Exactly. Made a difference for that one.
Speaker #0
Made a difference for that one.
Speaker #1
Yes. Oh.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And that's Peter.
Speaker #2
That's Peter.
Speaker #0
That's every single time Peter will get back up. And he will.
Speaker #2
And you get back up. How about you here? Back it up again. And you know, chumbo... Chumbawamba.
Speaker #0
You got hit one too many times.
Speaker #2
I got hit one. On a gobby. Hey, you know, your green goblin hit me.
Speaker #0
That's what's in the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
Speaker #2
Now I'm tum-tumping.
Speaker #0
Tum-tumping. Glad we picked this one. This is your favorite hero, my favorite book to read. Brent, what else we got for outro?
Speaker #2
For outro, guys, thank you again for watching. Please continue to like, comment, subscribe, give us recommendations. Shout out to the guy in the Mr. Miracle episode. that told us that Funky Flashman was based off Stan Lee. Troy and I were reading that. Our mouths were agape. That is awesome. Thank you guys so much. Have a good one.

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