Speaker #0Hi everyone, welcome back to the Millennial Mom Podcast. I'm your host Latifah and today we're going to be talking about a list that I put together for my 2025 ins and outs. I feel extremely deep, I feel extremely deep about this freaking list. I feel so deeply about this list because five months into the year, instead of creating this list before I start off the year, I was like, let me go into it and figure out exactly like what the trend is and then kind of go from there. So I. don't believe in pouring from an empty cup or glass. I don't believe in pouring from an empty glass. So today we're going to be drinking. It's not alcohol. It's not alcohol at all. My sister graduates tomorrow from Prairie View A&M. University. And I feel like I'm just going to save the drinking for tomorrow. So today we're just having some club soda with a little twist of lime. That way we can stay sane, hydrated for tomorrow. So shout out to you, Medina, and congratulations. So like I said, I made this list and I think it's going to be a really, really good one. So yeah. So we're going to start out with the ends, um, in 2025, the ends are. We're going to continue to be soft. We're going to soft live. My therapist today at my session, she did her big one by telling me to implement scheduled joy. I know that sounds extremely basic, but once she broke it down to me, I was like, huh, this makes sense. We don't do it enough. At least I know that I don't and a couple of my friends don't either. And so what that looks like is like, you don't have to grind as much, you know, like. You can take it easy on yourself. It can be a Tuesday and you can decide, take an hour, whether that's like something that I'm into right now is building Legos. I also like to go to the winery. It's just really like scheduling things that will put you in like a relaxed state as a woman. And I just kind of feel like those type of things are connecting with nature and really using my brain. So putting together like a puzzle, watching a... YouTube vlog, heading out, getting some vitamin D because, you know, they say women, black women especially, are like vitamin D deficient. And so maybe going on a walk, taking your dog with you, taking the kids with you, listening to a podcast while you're on your walk. So that's something that I definitely want to make sure that I'm extremely intentional about for the remainder of 2025. The next one is... I feel like this topic is a little bit controversial because we don't like to acknowledge the fact that depression is a thing within our society. But I am one, a victim of seasonal depression. I have tried to get rid of it for the longest. And I feel like no matter what I do to gear up for that season, I still end up with a seasonal depression. You know, the sun sets earlier during the winter. It's a lot colder. I really don't like the cold. I've always been a summer girly. I'm born in the month of July. And it's just like, I don't ever want to be outside. So I naturally like turn into like a hermit whenever it's cold. And I just want to stay inside. I don't want to do anything. I don't like when people invite me out. Like, so that's the thing. But the cure to that, in my opinion, is therapy and theology. Therapy is extremely important. I feel that like we don't... I think it is starting to become a little bit normalized now, but also I also feel like maybe like within the male community, there are like there's work to be done with therapy. And so with that being said, I'm the type of person now that like I don't really have much going on in my life, like where there's like a crisis that I feel that I need to go to therapy to fix something, but I'm more so like on a maintenance schedule. So I'll see my therapist whenever I feel like it. So every now and then I'll just hop on the website, book an appointment. That doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong, but during the winter time, I'm always there. Like I'm always having to talk to her. But I also find that it's like a time where like, I'm just like, oh, like, let me kind of gather my thoughts. Although I don't really like to see the new year as like a fresh beginning, I feel like I just need to keep it like on a rolling basis because I'm more of like a 12. week year type of person. If you haven't read that book, definitely go read it. But with that being said, I tap into her like very, very often. And then another thing that theology piece to it is just going to church, like listening to church on my way. If I miss, you know, the Sunday service, I'll listen to it on my way to work on Monday. And that obviously helps me get through the week, the day. But, you know, with those things, winter be over in no time and I'll be back to bathing in the sun. I just wanted to make sure that we normalize that seasonal depression is a thing. And if you do have it in 2025, we're going to make sure that we're talking to our therapist and talking to God about it. So yeah. The next one, this kind of goes hand in hand with therapy, but it's also healing while you're a mother. And so a lot of the times you don't realize that you have issues that you need to work on, especially from childhood trauma. and it did not take for me, it didn't take until I became a mother myself. And I realized like, wow, now that I'm co-parenting, these are some of the situations that my parents had to deal with. And, you know, I definitely want to tap into them for that. And so right now I kind of feel like I'm in a space where, yes, I do want to break cycles, but some things were a little bit like against my control. For example, I wanted to raise my kids in a two-parent household so bad, but I also wasn't going to stay in a situation that I wasn't happy in because at the end of the day, if you're going to be in a two-parent household, both parents need to be happy. So if you're fighting all the time or mom's sad and dad's playing the PS5 or, you know, being an alcoholic and mom is just like, I don't think it's a conducive environment for your kids to see you in. And so I had to break the cycle and decide, you know what, this just no longer serves me. And in order for me to be able to raise my kids the best way that I believe, it was definitely time for me to just kind of get up, get out and then find my happiness. Now, I am extremely happy. I feel like we have a schedule. We you know, my kids are comfortable with. being at my house and I'm sure they're comfortable being at their dad's house as well but this is just kind of what I've created for us this is the space mom is happier and they see it I can take them to the park and not be like grouchy about it I can take them you know to the zoo and it actually be something that I want to do for them so that's another thing that we're gonna keep in 2025 I don't believe that um you know you need a put this like pressure on yourself, like take it one step at a time and figure out exactly what your struggles are and talk to a therapist about it. Talk to your parents about it, you know, and figure out what you can do to get the help that you need. And then the last one, all my moms know that, or all my friends know that I'm, I'm raising iPad kids and nobody's going to do anything about it. When we go to dinner, both of them have their iPads. I'm going to get me. you know a drink some quiet time whatever I have to do I'm definitely doing it like I feel like everybody's always like screen time is so bad and like but like maybe if we filter what they're watching and which is what I do I have like parental locks like um set on their YouTube so they can't watch anything past what their age is and also I'm paying for apps so my daughter she knows that she has to do 30 minutes of her alphabets or you know, math or reading before she can even get on YouTube. So I think it's really all about balance, like creating that schedule for them. They know that they have to be disciplined when it comes to education, but also they should be able to watch a video or two and kind of laugh at it or, you know, watch Toy Story. Like these are things that we were able to do. I feel like my mom constantly put us in front of the TV and I don't necessarily think that it was like a bad thing because I do feel like there are learning lessons from screen time. It's just, you know, being intentional about what you're letting them watch. So yeah. So now we're going to go to the outs. And one of my biggest outs of 2025, which I still see is a common trend of today, especially on social media, is shaming other moms. Shaming other moms, specifically working moms versus stay-at-home moms. I'm tired of seeing that like argument online or sometimes in person if you decide you are going to stay at home with your kid you should be able to do that because that is the environment that you and your significant other have created for yourselves and that's just then that's just what works for your family but also if you are in a two-parent household or your kids are in a two-parent household. and you decide working, both of you, works for your family as well, you should be able to do that also. In my case, I can't stay at home because as we mentioned in the first episode, I'm a divorced mom of two, so I can't sit at home. Their dad does their own thing and then I do my own thing. And I think that it's very important that I just create like this balance, right? I think I do pretty well for myself. There's no doubt about that. And as I've mentioned with my professional and educational achievements, that's kind of what has carried me to this point. But two incomes are better than one. So yes, I have to hustle a little bit harder just to make sure that my kids are comfortable and that they don't lack for anything and making sure that I also reach my financial goals, my savings goals. And I also feel like I want to do an episode about what I have done to reach my financial goals. I have a financial advisor and Every quarter I'm meeting with him and making sure that I'm meeting those goals. So with that being said, if I decide to be a working mom, you shouldn't be able to say anything about me because that's just what works for me. I would never, ever, ever shame any other mom for doing what's best for them. So I think we need to stop that in 2025 for sure. This is another big one. And everybody that knows me knows this. I have an identity outside of my kids. I'm a baddie first. And then... I will be a mom. I split the time with their dad and that's just how our city schedule is. But during the time that I don't have them, I'm not going to sit there and be like, oh yeah, I need to wonder what they're doing. No, no, and no. Whenever they come back, best believe I've been outside. I've gone to the bar. I've gone out to eat. I've gone on a hot girl walk. I might've even made my way to Austin, Dallas, San Antonio, whatever that looks like. But I'm recharged at the end of that. So by the time they come back, I'm like, okay, yeah, like I can do this mom stuff. And I know that everybody isn't, that's not everybody's reality and you're not in a situation like that. But maybe we learn how to, you know, figure out what you can do to have an identity outside of your children. Even if that's just stepping away from them for 30 minutes, an hour. like Talk to whoever you need to talk to. Create a village and lean on that village. And sometimes that village can literally come from other moms. I think I've seen a movie where it was the single moms club or something. And they created a babysitter group. And each and every one of them got to do something that they wanted to do while the other moms stayed home and babysat the kids or whatever. And so if that's what that looks like to you, I don't know what your reality is. but you know try to sit back and think like what would be the best way for me to be able to have some type of time so that I can start to create this identity outside of motherhood um and then I think that rolls into my third out for 2025 is toxic independence and as someone that is extremely hyper independent I have realized that I need to ask for help and it is okay if you ask for help I can't count on like my like two hands or whatever. How many times I've literally, I was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't talk to my mom about this and ask her if she could watch, you know, the kids because I have this that I need to attend. And truth be told, she's willing to do it. Like she is willing to do it. Now I understand that she has a life outside of being a grandparent because she works. And that's just what the reality is. But I will ask her and if she says no, then, you know, I'll kind of figure it out as we go but she's definitely my go-to. And I don't think it makes me a bad mom just because I decide I want to take a trip and leave my kids with her. I went to Nigeria and that was my first time leaving my kids while I went out of the country. And best believe I was panicking. I did not know what to do. I tried so hard to, you know, make sure that everything was set before I left. And truth be told, like, I don't even think I did a hundred percent of what I was supposed to do. But I had to like let go and let God for one and also realize that my mom has it too. Like she, this is not her first time, you know, being a mom. I mean, it's her first time being a grandparent, but you know, she got it. And if she needed anything, she could call me. I would literally put the phone on loud just in case she needed to, you know, get in contact with me. I left insurance cards. I left pediatrician numbers and all that stuff. But what I will say is that it still doesn't, it still. It's mind blowing to me that I was able to go and have that great of a time out of the country. And I came back. I had this like. epiphany and I was like, wow, like I should continue to do this every chance that I get. Not often, but if I can once a year go spend like, you know, 10 to 14 days out of the country because I know that it worked out this first time, I could do it again. And that memory of me, you know, being around my family, we had a great time. We were enjoying ourselves like, you know, so this year we're going back, but I'm going to take the kids this time around. So it's all about balance. And then the last one, which is something that I was talking to my trainer about is skipping meals because you're busy. And as moms and millennials, whether you have kids or not, we're always like, go, go, go, because we have this hustle mentality. And we decide like, OK, well, I'll just eat later. I'll eat on the go and I'll eat this small meal. But like we're not putting the proper nutrition in our bodies to be able to fuel us. for one to keep going and then our mind so i feel like if i in the morning when i wake up i take a couple of multivitamins and i don't eat for you know eight hours how are the vitamins supposed to work if i didn't take it like on a full stomach and stuff like that or take it with food and so in that in that point like you know meal prepping has worked for me as well i mean shoot convenience over anything, right? I might have some DoorDash delivered, but. Who's judging me at this point? But at the end of the day, I feel like we need to stop doing that. And we need to actually like focus on having like balanced meals so that we can be able to, you know, and I also feel like it's creating like this weird sense of like weirdness with food. Right. And so I was like, I wish I had a better relationship with food and I'm going eight hours with not eating, drinking. You know, so I'm not getting the proper nutrition. So then I would wonder like, why after two, three alcoholic beverages, am I feeling this way? Well, girl, it's because you did not eat. Like what? So in this case, I literally said that I'm gonna stop doing that. So that pretty much is everything for my 2025 ins and outs. I, you know, I'm focused on my wellness. I'm focused on my mental health. I'm focused on self-care. And all of that right there are things that are gonna help me. you know, gradually move to the end of the year. And then I can reflect on it and say, all right, cool. Like I had a good year and these are things that I want to do differently or not. So if you have any questions or if you want to add to that, let me know what your 2025 ins and outs are. And then let's just have like an open conversation in the comments. Don't forget to like comment and subscribe to it. Um, and thank y'all so much for joining me today. Bye. You will also be You will 48 TV I'll look many in my kids. She'll take off like a
