Speaker #0Mira, Francis, when Sara looks under the sink, put the finger in the freezer. Hondo, are you sure this is a good idea? It's wrapped in burlap. She'll think it's a sausage. Vamos. Sorry, Sara. I need to get under the sink. Seriously, Hondo? I'm in the middle of making breakfast. Can it wait? I'm afraid not. It's leaking pretty bad. I don't see a damn thing. You're making a mess. Ooh, Sarah, Slim here is rummaging through your freezer. Oh, I was just checking to see if you had any bacon. Uh-huh. Fresh out of court, detective. Present company excluded. Ooh, that's close. But it's fixed. Finally! Move! You don't have to make your own breakfast. It's included. Are you serving breakfast this morning? Um, no. You have a laundry for me? Not yet. I've just arrived. Jesus. I'm Detective Francis O'Connell. I'm Hatsuko Haverford, born Takagi. Hot Chico? Don't hurt yourself, Stringbean. I just look Japanese. I'm from San Francisco. Oh, I'm sorry. How long have you been working here at the resort? Because I couldn't possibly afford to stay here. Amigo, she is a guest. Oh, I barred her with Aoife offering her rice and tea from my motherland. He's a cop. He's looking for Mitzi. I'm detecting sarcasm. Oh, bravo, Sherlock. By the record, I pay with U.S. dollars. From my hefty booking fee. She's a singer. Oh, she's much more than that. Most popular actor, like I see. Oh, you're so sweet. If only someone would tell Joey. It's only his name on the marquee. Mitzi's boyfriend, Joey? He's a performer also. Well, if you call droning through the same dozen songs night after night performing. Oh, wrong. Are you ranking on Joey? He's not all bad, you know. Before she left, Mitzi promised me Joey would talk to management and they're gonna let me start dealing. We didn't get a chance to meet last night at dinner. Not officially. Mrs... What way out of Mrs. Anything? Call me Dottie. Excuse me, Dottie, but have you got any idea where Mitzi might have gone so suddenly? Probably out on another adventure. She could do things like that. She could be real fancy and book smart sounding. And then she could just curse you out and give you the finger. You okay, Hondo? It's probably something I ate. Nobody else is complaining. Wait, where are you going? You're supposed to drive us to the casino. Why, Chulita, I can't. I have to wash Juniper. También y fat in the car. How are we supposed to get to work? Está bien. The wagon's out front. The wagon? How am I supposed to get a shot at dealing smelling like the wagon? I can't be late. What if I drive the wagon? Really? Don't want to toot my own horn, but I know my way around a station wagon. Oh, well, it's not that kind of... Sure, we'll let you take us. Who are we to deny such chivalry? You insist, detective. Great! It's settled. So, where are the keys? Oh, I gotta see this. Hondo normally uses this for the ranch tours. Or haunted hay rides. Oh, so the wagon is a horse and buggy? Oh, not a problem, is it, officer? Giddy up, cowboy. We'll be in the coach. Good horse. Nice horse? Good horse. This is doable. I can do this. It's a simple carriage. I'm not taming a bronco. We'll go easy. Easy. Okay. Okay, stop. Stop, please. Halt! In the name of the law, please! Finally! Well, look who decided they like being employed. You were almost late. Good thing you're just in time to go warm up the crowd for the real deal. The only performers in Joey's dressing room are his fans. Oh, yes, Joey, yes! They deserve an Oscar. You're growing a chip on that cute little shoulder. Starting to match that hillbilly friend of yours. She's twice the grit you've got. That's why she ain't allowed back here no time soon. The two of yous? Sort of right. Now chop, chop, chop, Suey. I won't keep you long. It's just a few questions about last Tuesday. Blondie, no fraternizing with the patrons. Inside! Coming, Anthony. Maybe another time, Detective. Pardon, I was still speaking with the lady. Listen, Romeo, if you want time with the dame, you can rent a room like everybody else. Mr. Joey, sir, you're early. Anthony, what's that smell? Who invited the wringling, brother? Oh, I'll take care of it. Is that Joey Matinee? You need it. I'm not going anywhere. I need to have a word with him. Watch where you point that thing. Move your carrot, Cinderella, for eternity with your pumpkin. Okay, I'm going. Okay, Colonel. Graceful exit. Graceful exit. But I'll be back. Pardon me, is this the police records unit? Excuse me, sir. What can I do you for? Sorry, ma'am. I'm collaborating on an interagency case and I'd like to see the file. Is there an officer I can speak to? Not wearing this uniform because it compliments my eyes. File ID? Oh. First Lady, Cop, and Reno. Want an autograph? I'm sure everyone's thrilled to have you. Officer Dutch? So thrilled they dropped me in the moldy basement to show me off. File ID? It's a missing person's. Last name, Ballantyne. There's been a development. You're Detective O'Connell. How did you know my- We got wind you were coming. I wish I had more to show you, but feast your eyes. The Ballantyne file. There's nothing in this folder. What about her relationship with Joey Matinee? Take a look at that photo up there. You mean that Joey? Who's he presenting the check to? Our chief of police. Trust me, between the money and the desert, problems tend to go missing. Makes you wonder why they sent an out-of-towner. Seems like you have a pretty vested interest in this case. Oh, I offered! I got told in no uncertain terms to divest that interest, so I'm stuck down here. That seems like a waste of talent, if you ask me. Chief Bugnacki thinks I'm better suited to the files than the field. My Sarge said I was the first officer he considered demoting to his secretary. Really? Look at me. I'm a buck twenty soaking wet. A strong gust could take me. You are a scrawny guy. How'd you make detective, Featherweight? Honestly, I gave a certain somebody a ticket for jaywalking. Jaywalking. Really aiming for the stars. I'd recognize the guy's face from HQ. Sucked me good. But I got back up, chased him down, and made the arrest. Turns out he's this mafia hitman they'd been trying to nail for months. Turned state's witness, and I got shortlisted for detective. So your advice is find a hitman and give him a ticket? My advice is keep your head down, but always have an eye on the prize. Thanks for this. O'Connell. Wait. Can't give you any records, but here's a nickel's worth of advice. Reno is a town of desperate people. There's only two places anything valuable ends up. The casino. Oh, I tried that. Or the pawn shop. They're required to report anything they purchase within 24 hours. Rusty's had half our evidence locker behind his counter. I do. I do. By the power vested in me by the great state of Nevada and sole proprietor of Rusty's Pawn Emporium, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. I'll be right with you, sir. Amen. That's $25 for the rings, eight for the marriage certificate. Total is $33. Interested in divorce insurance? No need. Our love is forever. Well, no refunds. Or schmucks. I give them a month. Why would you say that? Cheap ring. How can I help you? What do you know about this ring? I knew you'd find your way to me, darling. He could never take care of you the way I could. So you're familiar with it? Familiar? We're intimates, pal. Four-carat emerald cut. VVS2. Rose gold scrolling on the band. A peekaboo cathedral setting. Look at that itty-bitty coulet. It is breathtaking. It's real pretty. Have you no reverence? Who did you sell this to? Sell it? I wish. I practically gave it away. Did you get to witness the proposal? Just a good business proposal. It's not every day Joey Matinee decides to pop the question. Joey Matinee proposed? The Reno voice himself. One of our best customers. What we in the pawn biz call a trophy chaser. Trophy chaser? A regular magpie. He came in and said, give me a bass ring. Promises when they go public, he'll tell the papers where he got his Lady Love's new bubble. Good press is good press. So I gave her away for a song. How much do you want for it? Oh, sorry. Not for sale. It's part of an ongoing investigation. Oh. I didn't realize I was speaking with a badge. Pretty nice badge, too. Sterling silver. Great metalwork. Is that a saint on the back? I can get that etched off. Fifty for the badge. That's like a week's pay for you. I'll thank you not to attempt a federal offense like that again. You'll bring that ring back when you're done. Miss, do you know where I can find Dottie? Over at the bar, Shaggy. Pardon me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to the stage, Reno's very own, Joey Massonet. In the time I've had to marvel on this brown and bluish marvel, I have rambled. And those that know me well can say I've raised a little hell. I drank and gambled. I am only human, folks. Some see my behavior and they want it. They tell me my good luck is running out. I say the night is young and I got time. I ain't saying, brother, can you spend the time? Yeah. One, two, three, four. Take the boots. I'll take the boots. I like my chances, baby, chances. And you ain't seen nothing yet. Harder up for Dottie. Is there much overlap between dealing and serving cocktails? I'm working my way up. What are you doing here, detective? What do you know about Mitzi's relationship with Joey? They're a couple. I don't pry. Did you ever see him get possessive of her? I've got to get these over to the VIP lounge. Excuse me. Hang on. Please. I'll take them back. I have a chance, I have a special chance, and I'm going to try and deal with the fools. And yeah, because when you take the rules, I'll take them. Because when you take the rules, I'll take them. And remember, folks, the only cure for renal fever is a stiff drink and a flexible guess. Winner, Chief Bugnacki, 250 bucks richer. Come to papa. Sucks. I gotta catch up before my old lady kills me. One more round? Here, have another drink. You wuss. Babydoll, what is this? Prohibition? Ha! I'm running low here. Here you go, Chief. Nice gams. Where did they find you? That's no way to treat a lady. Talk about passing muster. You could bounce a quarter off her bunk. I know you from somewhere. You need to go. We love you, Joey. Love you too, sweethearts. Please let Mr. Manatee through. No autographs, ladies. You can watch the game behind the ropes. Behind the ropes. You forget, Tiger. You're wrong on yourself. I see you're back in the saddle. Never left. Hey, Daddy, don't be rude. Who's your friend? Nobody. He's leaving. Detective Francis O'Connell. Chicago Police. Dangerous business, putting your badge on the table like that. What can I interest you in a game? I don't gamble. Then what brings you to Reno? You getting the cure? Hopefully for malnourishment. I'm investigating a missing person. Maybe you've heard of her. Mitzi Ballantyne. Ring any bells? A lot of gals ring my bell, dick. Ain't that right, ladies? This particular gal has a very worried, very influential father. Not to mention a husband. So they sent the March of Dimes? But Naki's got one of those badges, too. I forget, what's your title again? Oh, uh, Chief of Police. That's it. The photo of the precinct. What kind of jurisdiction does Chicago have here in Reno? None whatsoever. Anthony here's got jurisdiction of the whole lounge. So either you play a game, or he reintroduces you to the door. If you're lucky, he'll open it first. I'll play! It's a hundred dollar buy-in. You got that type of money, altar boy? My per diem for the week. What are you doing? Ethan needs that money. Forget the ticket room. You will be sleeping with the pigs. He knows more about Mitzi than he's singing. I intend to find out what. Atta boy. Pull up a chair. Guide my hand, so righteousness prevails. The only man we got upstairs has another 15 minutes with Nancy. He's busy. Homeward for Joey. Hey, you in chief? And help pack up this wet blanket? Gladly. Let's play poker. Highest hand gets the pot. Ante up, and may the best man win. It's a simpler version of Ma's Bridge. Bridge? This is a man's game. Don't worry, you'll be home playing with Ma and the gals in no time. Detective, you open. We normally play with buttons, but I'll take three cards and I'll bet one dollar, please. Mr. Joey, your bet? I'll see your dollar. I'll take two. And raise you 75 buttons. Like I said, a man's game. I'm in. Detective opens. Check. He's getting the hang of it. But I'm on this one. A hundred greenbacks. Holy smokes, Joey. Must be some hand I fold. What about you, Francie? Take it from a old vet. Anyone this calm has something up their sleeve. You should listen to him. I think I'll listen to my better angels. I'm in. Final bets are placed. Mr. Matinee. Read them and weep. Make pipsqueak. Straight. Jack's high. Get him, Joey. Detective, your hand. Well, guess the shamrocks are the luck of the Irish. Full house. Winner. Detective. I'll be damned. Dealer, are you a jackass? I got a reputation to uphold. You're embarrassing yourself. That's the way they're... Cards films to Joey, sir. You're shitting me, right? Easy, Joey. One more hand. Winner take all. You win, pot's yours. I win, you tell me the whole sordid tale of you and Mitzi Ballantyne. Tell him to hit the bricks, Joey. Nah, ain't got nothing to hide. Let's play. But I need a new dealer. How about Dottie? Dames don't deal here. I've actually been practicing, Mr. Joyser. I play with... You hear that? She's been practicing. Let's deal! I'm a man of the people. Fine. Don't disappoint me. Whoa, my kind of woman. Okay, fellas. Poker's the game. Ante up and play nice. Opening bet? Detective? $100. Three cards, please. You sure? It's a lot of potatoes and corned beef you could take home. I'll see you a hundred and raise you another hundred. One. Dammit, Joey. What are you doing? You're icing me out. Hey, if you can't stand the heat... Die in a blaze of glory? I'm out. I'm going for a smoke. And you, detective? I'm in. Detective? Fifty. Jesus. In. And raise a hundred fifty. Last chance. I couldn't help but notice that you have what my ma would call a halo. I've been known to provide many a religious experience, but I don't swing that way. It's a tell. Might as well be a big neon sign over your head. And what exactly is this halo? Your voice. You hum when you're nervous. When you lost last round, when I first mentioned Mitzi, you did it just now. That's it. I always sing. You know, it's kind of my thing. Detective? I'll see you. I'm going all in. Oh, look who found the big boy pants. Okay, fellas. Bets are in. Dealer, I hate to be a stickler for rules, but the kind detective said all in. Which means... Everything on the table in front of him. Oh, she's good. And? Detective, your badge is still on the table. Well, not that. I mean, come on. I guess they didn't teach that in Mommy's Bridge Club. Doesn't matter. We'll do it your way. Four of a kind. Sixes. Straight flush. Winner, Mr. Joey. Guess those shamrocks are lucky. Not my badge. For me. Hey, I told you. I believe that belongs to me now. Did Mitzi know you're just a petty trophy chaser? Watch your mouth, you pikey fuck. She was just one piece that you couldn't keep on your mantle, huh? Hey, take Chuckles here out back. Gladly. What are we standing around for? Next round's on me, huh? There we go. Night night, princess. Oh, that Antony's got a honey of a love tap, doesn't he? Chief, where did you go? I could have used your help in there. I took my badge. Then you'll just have to take it back when you deserve it. Might want to ice that eye. Wait all that ruckus! You're gonna wake the dead. This was all I could find. Let's see what Sarah has. She's always cooking something weird. Who wraps up a single sausage? No! Um, idea. No idea. Um, how about the peas? Good thinking. Here. They got some good licks in. Oh, lips. You're taking it well. I had my share of practice. Why didn't you pull out your gun? Then what? I get it. Don't want to start something you can't finish. Bert, that's my husband. He said I'd do that all the time. Did your sister get along with Bert? No, sir. Bev practically dragged me out here. She's looked after me my whole life. Do you have anyone else to lean on besides your sister? Mitzi, perhaps? Oh, she was the best, as long as you can keep up with her. I think that's where I went wrong. Huh. The night before she... left, she tried to throw this party. Not now, Mitzi. Don't be a sourpuss. Take a blow for Bella. Bella, baby. Show Miss Dotty your dress. Spin. It's beautiful. You're beautiful. What do you say, sweetheart? Thank you, Auntie Mitzi. I feel like a fairy godmother. Right. It's sort of like motherhood, but I can keep this phenomenal figure! Imagine me lugging around a 10 pound watermelon for nine months. Cankles, hair loss, hemorrhoids... You never want children? What sane person would? I mean, it can't be all bad. They're adorable. Yes, they're so darling while they suck all the joy from your life. What about Joey? Oh, he says he wants them, but I'd rather fling myself down a flight of stairs. What's wrong, honey? Is it Bert? Nothing, nothing. It's the champagne. Forget him. Forget that podunk town. Forget it all. I can't. I can't. My sweet baby. How do you do it? How do you stay so positive? Easy. Keep looking ahead. Dreaming big. Proving I'm all wrong. That's it? Let's blow this stand. I'm feeling lucky. Where's your sister? She can clean this up. I haven't seen her. I'll go find her. No, you go to the casino and get the party started. Joey's picking me up. I'll handle dear old sis. Shucks! Keys are in Aoife's office. So what? Her show's on right now. She hates being bothered on her day off. Slip your hand in and snag him off her dresser. If she flips her wig, send the hag my way. So I reached in and snatched the keys. Aoife didn't even hear me. Nothing pulls her out of the land of truth when Larry McCly and Lola are on. Eva was listening to Larry and Lola. Now is the week where Lola takes in all those stray possums. I guess. All I know is Mitzi never showed up to the casino that night. Didn't you think to go to the police when she never showed up? She had more important, more fun things to do. She didn't need me tattling on her. I shouldn't have been bringing her down. Dottie, what had you so upset? You're a young lady in the prime of her life with a new start. You're free now. This is free. I'd like a refund. What happened to your face? Art happened. And happened. And happened. He said I'd start fights so he could finish them. I'm not a fighter, though. Bev, maybe, but... I thought when I was having his baby, it would stop. You poor thing. I had Bev in the dark about it, mostly. But I couldn't keep it to myself when... When I lost our child. I'm so sorry. I know it must seem senseless. Your loss. But God... Always has a plan? Bert would say that. That's not what I meant. No, I could never forgive him. Taking my baby. How could anyone forgive Bert? He's only a man. It's God I can't ever forgive. Oh. Miss Beverly, I... Dot, it's late. She's right. Thank you, detective. I hope your eye heals up real soon. Something you want to tell me about Bitsy? I'm glad the bitch is gone. Stay away from my sister. Divorce Ranch, a Good Story Guild production. Created by Rachel Music. Show running by Michi Broman and Elena Christina Wagoner. Episode 2 was written by Brandon Thompson and directed by Rachel Music. Starring Christopher Gebauer as Frances, Kate Fugelai as Aoife, Enrique Quintero as Hondo, Lisa Pedacci as Helen, Laureen Chesley as Sarah, Laura Lee Walsh as Beverly, Laura Holliday as Dottie, Tina Huang as Hotsko, and Chelsea Lang as Mitzi Ballantyne. Featuring the Divorce Ranch Players Ted Evans, Jamie Lujan, Jesse Birch, Megan Falcone, Marnina Schoen, Kashe Monia, and Neil Fleming. You Take the Rules, I'll Take the Roulette was performed by Jacob Aldenroa. Music by Michelle Sudduth. Sound design by Lauren Cooper. Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Evan Chambers. Produced by Simone Kissel. Executive produced by the Good Story Guild. For transcripts, full cast and crew information, and to follow this and other Good Story Guild productions, see our show notes.
