Speaker #0News of the world. June 27th, 1949. Arismitzy Ballantyne, daughter of meatpacking titan Reginald Sinclair, seems to have gone missing. Last seen at a so-called divorce ranch in Reno, Nevada, the divorce capital of the world. Rumors say her marriage was ending, but her father denies these allegations. Reno Police Chief Morris Bugnacki said, hysterical girls like that are always running away. Our town's resources are better spent curtailing crime. Mr. Sinclair is sparing no expense working with Chicago PD's best and brightest to bring his daughter home. O'Connell, my office now. Yes, sir. O'Connell's bringing the heat. I don't like it. Son. We're sending you off to Reno. Sir? Reginald Sinclair, the meatpacker, seems to have lost his daughter. And since her husband is running for mayor of this fine city, this case has jumped to the front of the line. Reno, Nevada. Bootsy Ballantine. Ballsy Ballantine? Her father doesn't call her that. I wish I could help, but I... Probably not her husband either. I would hope not. Chief, you know my mother's been doing poorly lately. Traveling is not something I can do right now. You can and you will. Her pops is offering a $15,000 reward. If I may, I... And the Chicago PD intends to collect on that. Plus, it's always a good idea to have the mayor in your hip pocket. Here are your travel documents. Perhaps it's a little unseemly for a... O'Connell, I would suggest you unseen to have a problem. A civilian running for mayor, no less. We've chosen you. And accepting reward money? Are you saying... Well, it might seem unscrupulous. Of course it's unscrupulous. That's why I'm sending you. Nobody keeps their nose clean like choir boy O'Connell. I don't know how you've managed, kid. Sir. I'm hardly a kid. I can't send anybody else. Sinclair's going to be checking our receipts. Remember the Buford kidnapping? Of course I do. It's one of my- I'm sure Corelli got the credit for you finding the kid, but this time, it'll be your name in the paper. might go a long way with the boys. I don't understand. Come on, O'Connell. All the boys here think you go home to get breastfed. Well, they're just horsing around. I don't mean it. Show them you're a detective, not a mama's boy. But I am a detective. As you just pointed out, I have several successful cases to show for my efforts. I'll be right there. You know what I like about you, O'Connell? You're a hound dog and a retriever. You follow it out, and then you bring it on home. Thank you, sir. Get out there and go make our future mayor happy. I'm coming. Yes, sir. Dearest Ma, While I expect a scenic ride, my heart is heavy to be leaving you in such an unknown state. Chief Strasser-Pretty says that I'm the only incorruptible man on the force, but I can't tell if they really mean that or if they just want a break from what they not-so-nicely-call-me, Francis the Faithful. I am honored to be selected for such a high-profile case, but there is so much to be done at home, and while Mr. Sinclair undoubtedly wants his daughter home, I bristle at one man using wealth to command a public service for his private needs. If God could build heaven and earth in seven days, I surely can find one missing girl in less time. Of course, with his assistance. With your St. Christopher medal forever bonded to my badge, you need not worry about my journey, as I am protected. Keep your feet up until I'm home. It won't be long. With all my love and devotion, your son, Francis. Get off here for the Sidewinder Ranch Resort. That looks like neither a ranch nor a resort. Watch for rattlesnakes. I'm going right there. He'll beat you down. I'll be right with you. Much obliged. Okay, Tony. I'm ready. Here we go. With God as your witness, do you, Aoife McGrady, attest that this here woman, Winnebue Archer, has been here for 42 days and 42 nights? I do. I've been here for the full six weeks. And do you swear that in that time she has not left the premises for more than 24 hours? Why 24 hours and 42 days? Sir, I said I'd be right with you. She has been here the whole time, so help me God. Well, young lady, you're officially a resident of Nevada. Take this to the courthouse, and you're a free woman. Aoife, I don't know how to thank you. Playment would be nice, dearie. Oh, here's my wedding ring. It's worth at least six dollars. I won't be needing this anymore. And I'll have the rest as soon as I get back to Connecticut. Okay, dear. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! What is she free from? Sir. We're almost done. Let's see who else is on the list. Helen Rose? She's been here going on eight weeks now. But she doesn't seem ready yet. At least she pays her bill. Should we try again next week? Yep. Who? Hattie? Mrs. Haverford? Hatsko Haverford. Right. Mrs. Haverford. Mm-hmm. Eight more days, and she'll take back her Takaki name. Although God knows why. Mitzi Ballantine? I thought she'd be on this week's affidavit. Mitzi took off. When was that? I reported her gone to the Reno PD, but they don't seem to care. She owes me five and a half weeks of room and board. Hmm. She seemed so eager last week. What do you mean by that? Goodness, you sure are snoopy. That firecracker was gonna dump her rich husband, and I just reckon she'd go back to her rich daddy. When was that? I keep hoping that Aoife here could one day be my sugar mama. But I'm still waiting. When was she last seen? Please wait your turn, sir. I'm sorry, Terry. Not to worry, hon. I think we're done. I'll see you next week. Thank you, love. Appreciate it. Now, how can I help you? I'm Detective Francis O'Connell, and I've been sent by the Chicago PD to investigate the disappearance of Mitzi Ballantyne. Hmm. Mr. Francis O'Connell. Seems like no one has seen her for a while. Maybe she's just gallivanting about? Both her husband and father would beg to differ. Detective O'Connell, do you know what this place is? A ranch resort? That's right. A ranch resort where patrons stay exactly 42 days, the exact amount of time it takes to establish residency. And residents are able to file for divorce without fault. Is that a cross around your neck? Most call this place a divorce ranch. He who loves his wife loves himself. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. Don't stop there. Ephesians continues, and the wife should respect her husband. Divorce is tough to get in a lot of places. With good reason. What if someone needs a divorce? Mrs. Ballantine has no such need. She has a loving family, including a devoted husband, and they want her back safely. Is it possible she was simply here on vacation? And she chose Reno in the summertime. Mitzi was no dummy, nor was she hysterical. That one was a smart cookie. Smarter than most. What do you think happened to Mrs. Ballantyne? Women come here all the time and most change their minds. Sometimes it's just easier to put up with their husband's hanky-panky than to live with less money, so they go back to him. Mrs. Ballantyne didn't go back, though. or maybe true love, the right one, skips out when he realizes he'll have to step up with husband duties. Mrs. Ballantyne's true love wants his wife back. Can you answer a couple of questions? Nancy Ballantyne owes me money, and who she did or didn't love was none of my business. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'd like the keys to my room, please. I have a reservation. There's a bunk in the tack room next to the barn. It's open. I have a reservation for a room. I had a room reserved for a Mrs. Frances O'Connell. There's no room for a Mr. Frances anybody. Well, it's $12 a night, and you can pay each night before dinner. $12 a night for a room in the barn? That rate also includes breakfast. Be sure to keep your suitcase closed and off the ground. Vermin in the tech room love freshly laundered socks. What kind of establishment asks for nightly payment up front? with no vermin if the talk room doesn't work the casino rents by the hour well hello you look lost oh um No, ma'am. Are you looking for your room? I can certainly assist. No, ma'am. I'm looking for the room of Mitzi Ballantyne. That rascal. And I thought I knew all the men that were looking after her. Oh, no, ma'am. I'm Detective Francis O'Connell. I'm looking for her, not after her. Of course not, Francis. I didn't know that Reno PD had men with such good manners. I appreciate that, ma'am. But I'm a detective with the Chicago PD. Do you know which of these doors leads to her room? This was her room. But she left. Thank you. I'll go ask for the key. Here, let me. Ellen Rose. At your service. You're pretty good at that. I am usually trying to get out of her room, but practice is practice. This room looks like it's been straightened up pretty well. Mitzi and I spent many nights laughing and talking and drinking right here in this room. I consider her to be one of my closest friends. Then you must know where she is. Alas, I do not. As one of her closest friends, I... Let's just say, we had a lot in common. It seems that all the women here do. Hmm. You sound disapproving. It's not my job to approve or disapprove. Your job is to detect. Yes, ma'am. That breeze is lovely. Air out the stench of loss. That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. It would be the most wonderful chaos. And the best part is that having a bunch of kids, it's like having a great big staff. Sister, I would suggest you get your head out of the clouds. Well, I would suggest you lighten up before I push you in the pool. I would suggest you try me. Those brewmaker sisters. They seem quite carefree, considering their circumstances. I think that perhaps their circumstances are better here than they were before. Especially with Mitzi gone. What do you mean by that? Well, between you and me, it wouldn't surprise me if Beverly, the no-fun one, pushed Mitzi off a cliff the way Mitzi treated her. She... Beverly is probably relieved she doesn't have to grovel around as her maid anymore. And she might have been waiting in line for Hondo, but Mitzi had Hondo tied up for herself. Hondo? There, cleaning the pool. Hondo the honeypot. Let's just say he helps women ease back into the land of the living. And Mitzi needed help with that. Francis. Detective. Right. Detective. Francis O'Connell. Did you see that Beverly is with her sister? Dottie, she's a wild buck, that one. I dare say that Mitzi and I may have been a bad influence on her, but can you blame us? Her face looked like she ran into a cinder block when she first got here. This is a lot to take in. You seem to be very thorough with your hands. You'd be surprised what a detective can find in an empty drawer. I bet. Here, let me. Bullets? Very observant, detective. Why would Mitzi have bullets in her drawers? Because they didn't fit in her negligee. Why would she have bullets at all? Well, Frances, her little gun was loaded, so she probably didn't need to carry extra bullets in her purse. Why did Mitzi have a gun? A girl can never be too careful. Sounds like dinner. I'm going to freshen up. See you there, Frances. She is wreaking havoc. She's just a kid. Yes, Sarah. I love Bella, you know I do. But I cannot have your child disturbing the guests while you're cooking. Oh, Bella, shh. This is not an atmosphere conducive to a resort. Bella, Bella, stop. Shh, shh, shh. Go back to the room and get yourself washed up for supper. Oh, take your rabbit. Aoife, I'm at my wit's end. Oh, Mitzi watched the little rascal while you cooked, can't you? I will never do that again. She loved Bella. A little too much, I'd say. Oh, Sarah. Why's little Bella screaming like that because that bitch? Sarah! Wrong thoughts in her head. That's right, you know what good riddance to her and her awful ways. Did I hear the dinner bell? Are you here for your meal? Well, my stomach is a little tender from travel. Smells spicy. Well, I don't give two hoots as to how your belly is. Dinner is son-of-a-bitch stew, tender stomach, or tough. Sarah, this is Detective O'Connell from the Chicago Police. He's looking for Mitzi. Didn't mean to speak out of turn. Bella girl, go wash up. When did you know she was gone? That girl usually came home stumbling in for a drink of water at first light when I'm up doing my kitchen chores. Stumbling in from where? Casino, riding, God knows the kind of carousing that woman did each night. That was a morning to remember. The only sound was Aoife coming in from milking the cows, and the glorious silence of morning without Mitzi Ballantyne. Excuse me, detective? Detective? I didn't know that Aoife was hiring another man. Oh, no. I don't work here. I'm a guest. In the tack room? Well, I was... I am Alejandro Friisvega. Everyone calls me Hondo. Detective Francis O'Connell. Nice to meet you, Frank. I'm Detective Francis O'Connell, Chicago PD. And you don't go by Frank? Uh, uh, uh... They can call you Detective. Why are you in the tack room, Detective? I'm investigating the disappearance of Mrs. Mitzi Ballantyne. My friend. She did not want to be called Mrs. Valentine. She renounced her name. What did she call herself? I called her Mitzi the Magnificent. Mitzi the Magnet. Marvelous. Let's see. Is that why they call you Hondo the Honeypot? Who calls me that? Someone said that's your nickname. I am more than a pot of honey. When was the last time you saw Mitzi the Magnificent? Do not mock me. We have something very special, me and Mitzi, that you cannot possibly understand. Apparently you have something special with all the ladies. A detective looks and looks, but does he ever find what he's looking for? I thought I found something. And then she was taken from me. What do you mean? She went to see another man, and no one has seen her since. I don't see her. Buenas noches, mi Juniper lindo. Oh, apenas extras para ti. Dessert, eh? Hey, no te preocupes, campeón. Sigues tú. Hondo! Come out, come out, wherever you are. Hondo! Mizzimilena! Mizzimagnifico! Mizzimilena! Mizzimilena! Come with me. I'm having a party. At the moment I work, but I can see you later. Come on! I will be ready shortly. Until then... You are no- Ben, you are Hondo the Horrible. No. You're always working and you never do what I say. Oh, that's not what you say when I do that. That's not what I mean. I need you right now. Maybe I should take your glass. Oh, is that so? I know you say that there's never too much champagne, but... Okay, I guess I'll have to go get more. Why are you doing this? You never do what I tell you. Ever. If you like working so much, you can keep working. All the time. For me. Mitzi. Mitzi matinee. It suits me. And I really like this ring. Look. I never got anything like this from you. Mitzi Matinee is much better than Mitzi Magnifico. I always thought that name was stupid. Please. I love the way it sparkles. Adios, muchacho. Joey's picking me up tonight. We're gonna make it official. Mitzi, wait! I'll see you around town, Hondo clown. Let's see. Let's see. That's so cruel. she ran away with him. Joey Matinee? Do not say his name in my presence. He stole her heart from me. Maybe that's best for you. Oh, come here, dude. Oh, come here, dude. Oh, you love me, don't you, boy? You love me, don't you, boy? Man's best friend. Yeah, this man's best friend. Oh, oh no no no Duke, oh Duke not on my bed! No no no! Oh Duke, I use me. Is that a finger? Put that down goddammit! No need to take the Lord's name in vain. It's Mitzi's ring. Then this must be Mitzi's finger. Divorce Ranch, a Good Story Guild production. Created by Rachel Musick. Show running by Michi Broman and Elena Christina Wagoner. Episode 1 was written by Michi Broman and directed by Rachel Musick. Starring Christopher Gebauer as Frances, Kate Fuglie as Aoife, Enrique Quintero as Hondo, Lisa Pidacci as Helen, Laureen Chesley as Sarah, Laura Lee Walsh as Beverly, Laura Holliday as Dottie, and Chelsea Lang as Mitzi Ballantyne. Featuring the Divorce Ranch Players, Ted Evans, Jamie Lujan, Jesse Birch, Megan Falcone, Marnina Schoen, Kashe Monia, and Neil Fleming. Music by Michelle Suddath. Sound design by Lauren Cooper. Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Evan Chambers. Produced by Simone Kissel. Executive produced by the Good Story Guild. For transcripts, full cast and crew information, and to follow this and other Good Story Guild productions, see our show notes.
