Speaker #0This is about me moving even more deeply into my commitment to this path and frankly the work that I'm doing demands that and deserves it. It needs full commitment from me for pretty much the rest of my working life. Listener, I will be honest with you. I very nearly didn't record an episode this week. I'm 79 episodes into the podcast. I don't think that I've ever missed one before that I was really, really tempted this week. The challenge of committing to build out loud and sharing my journey of creating a new venture is that some weeks that looks kind of glamorous and there are these, you know, wonderful you insights that I can share and these nuggets that just feel really valuable to put out there. But of course, the reality alongside that is that a lot of the process of building something meaningful is just really messy and really complicated and hard work. And that is firmly the territory that I am in this week. It feels like I have come to a fork. in the road and it's a pretty significant fork. On the one hand there is kind of the original concept that I came up with and I still love that concept, I'm really excited about it, other people get excited when I talk about it but it's pure aspiration right now and There isn't a lot of concrete detail behind it. And as soon as I kind of get down to the execution layer, it kind of evaporates. But it's the route that feels kind of the most comfortable to me. It's where I kind of know who I would talk to, where I even had a kind of quite detailed, worked out strategy of how to move forward over the course of the next sort of six months to a year. But then what's emerging on the other side. is quite a different proposition that has the same values at its core, but is actually a lot more worked through, a lot more detailed, a lot more tangible. I'm already at the point with it where I have like a kind of multi-page business plan and, you know, I really can sort of think through it at quite a complex and granular level. But it feels, and there's no other way to say it, it just, it feels like such hard work, which is an embarrassing thing to say, as if I ever thought that kind of, you know, going back into venture building was going to be easy. I didn't. But there's something about kind of being confronted with the reality of something that you kind of really see the detailed blueprint for of like, okay, now it's, it's time to like actually get out the tools and start building and it's going to be a slog and it's going to, you know, I'm going to break out in a sweat and do I have the stamina for this? So that's where I'm at. I'm, I'm sitting at this fork and giving myself, I guess, the time that I need to just sit here and really make the right decision. And it's interesting because I think whenever we hit these kind of forks in the road within the context of career development or business building, it always, always comes down to a personal identity issue. And I see this a lot with the work that I do with clients, when there are big decisions to be made or it's... comes time to make a really firm commitment, it is always bundled up with identity questions and, you know, and our ego getting in the way. And boy, is that what is going on for me right now. And to oversimplify, it kind of feels like the path on the left is a kind of a glamorous route. As I said, this is where like the sort of The core concept feels really strong, really powerful, but it just doesn't yet go any deeper than that. And there's a kind of allure to it because that path leads me down a route that I've kind of trodden before. It's a route where I can think I'm going to speak to this person and that person, and I'm going to get, you know, these old contacts into a room. And, you know, when I say glamour I'm using that term you know pretty, pretty elastically. But there is a kind of, there's a sort of prestige to it. There's a sense to be more detailed that it takes me back to a place where people will like sit up and pay attention. When I imagine telling people about what I'm doing, sharing that concept with them, I can see people responding and oh wow like that's interesting or like you really. kind of came back with a bang Alyssa like have you heard what Alyssa's doing next? It has that kind of feeling to it. And then the path on the right is what I'm considering to be the path of grind. It is the hard work path. It is the path where there is such clear real world impact and it really could make a very tangible. difference and it's something that I could get off the ground relatively quickly but it's all work. I look down that path and I see work ahead of me and I work without any attachment that makes this an interesting proposition for the ego. There's almost none of that. It's actually building, actually doing the work. And, you know, and that brings up all kinds of questions for me about how much work am I ready to take on at this stage of my life? What do I want the kind of next decade and more to look like? Am I really willing to commit to something for that longer term? In this particular case, it would also mean like a strong commitment to place and the region that we live in. And I suppose the reason that I'm... sat here because I'd be interested to hear from your perspective as a listener, but I've got a feeling you're going, well, of course it's the path on the right, Alyssa. Of course, it's the hard work path because that's the only one that's real. That's the one that actually exists, but you can actually map out where there is actually a clear route to something that actually works and delivers change. And you're absolutely right if that is what you're thinking. And I suppose that's why I find myself kind of stuck at the threshold of that fork in the road, because, you know, a few weeks ago, I made the commitment to this idea, to this concept, and to myself as the founder of that concept. And I think what's happening now is that I'm being asked to commit to the actual work. like the day-to-day grind of what it's going to take to deliver that. And, you know, there's a little piece of my brain that has enough objectivity to see that that's actually a really positive thing, because it means that I'm dealing with something real and something tangible. And that is, of course, where I should be. But there's also a very strong resistance coming up as a kind of whole body experience to... to really going down this path and it's it's a helpful experience for me as somebody who also coaches people who are navigating a similar journey because when i'm sat in the role of coach and i see people grappling with these questions my instinct is always this kind of go for it like i I see the idea. and it's so real to me and I utterly believe in their ability to deliver on it and I just want them to go for it and I actually have to sort of check myself when I get frustrated when someone's kind of tiptoeing around an idea or trying to kind of you know break it off into bite-sized pieces and make it feel more manageable and I just think just go for it we need you know we need the big ideas we need the big commitment the fact is it's quite a different thing when you're, you know, you're on the other side of the table, when you're the one who's having to make that commitment. And I think most of us underestimate how deep that commitment is. And of course, it depends what you're building. And timescales will be very different. But I am most drawn to audacious, large scale kind of you game-changing ideas. I mean, I love all my clients, but the work that I kind of can't stop thinking about is that scale of idea. And the reality is that it is hard work for whoever is going to see that idea from concept to reality. And so here I am facing this choice between glamour you and grind. And I'm giving myself just a few moments to stay here, actually. And perhaps that is my invitation to you this week. If you find yourself at a kind of, at an impasse, at a fork in the road, at a critical decision-making juncture, is just not to underestimate what is being asked of you in that moment. And that's... That's really behind why I am pausing here and why I am finding it quite a difficult kind of emotional and energetic experience because, but that's what I think is going on underneath it. I want to step down that path on the right hand side, consciously knowing that I made that decision, that I had thought through. what the implications were and that I had kind of internalized that and experienced it in my body and I think that is really an important thing when we decide to take on the work of whether it's just you know stepping outside of a corporate system and designing self-directed work outside of that whether that continues into something deeper and setting up your own business or getting a very ambitious project off the ground, it doesn't serve us to just kind of roll into that without full awareness of what we're doing. And yes, I, you know, I believe in momentum, I believe in a bias towards action, that is my kind of modus operandi. But there are also big critical points along the path where we have to stop and check in with ourselves and move forward in a very kind of clear eyed way. And I've seen, I've seen what happens when people don't do this, when they kind of, I guess, get caught up in a current of something of, you know, maybe they were pushed out of a role or, you know, they left for like a parent. parenting career break or something like that. And, you know, and now they're finding their way back in, but they haven't really stopped to make that full decision of like, yes, I, I want to work outside of the dominant system. Yes, I want to be the author and the director of my own career path. Yes, I want to take on, you know, becoming an entrepreneur, becoming a project owner, and I'm, I'm waking that full. commitment. And this isn't about me kind of, you know, wavering in my commitment. It's not about me like sitting on the fence, even though it does kind of feel a little bit like that to me. What I'm realising as I talk it through with you is that this is about me moving even more deeply into my commitment to this path. And frankly, the work that I'm doing demands that and deserves it. It needs full commitment from me for pretty much the rest of my working life. And that's a big thing to sit with. That is a big thing to contemplate. Part of that is completely terrifying to me. Part of that feels absolutely amazing and like exactly what I've been searching for for a number of years. So for now I'm going to sit just a little bit longer at this fork in the road. I'm actually going to Dublin tomorrow with my mum and I'm going to just try to switch off a little bit from the very intense thought processes that are going on in my head and just enjoy myself and relax so that you know when I get up onto my feet and I step down one of these paths I do it with full commitment and full energy and full knowledge of the decision that I have made. I will come back next week and I will update you on how all of that is developing. I really hope that you are enjoying this new exploration within the podcast as I'm sharing first and foremost from my own building journey and I'm hoping that you're finding that helpful and insightful for your journey towards meaningful work. If you want to be even more deeply connected, please do come and subscribe to my email list. You'll find the link to subscribe in the show notes and you're always welcome to reach out to me directly. You can find me at Alyssa, A-L-I-S-A at regenerativeworklife.com. Thank you so much for listening. If this episode of From Corporate to Calling was helpful or inspiring, follow the show so you don't miss an episode. And if you know someone who's questioning their career, send them this podcast. Lifelines are meant to be shared. Remember, you don't have to tolerate burnout or misalignment. You can redirect your skills into meaningful work that brings back life to you and to the world around you.
