116 | Why Your Christian Marriage Feels Stuck

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Can I say something that might feel a little bit uncomfortable, but it's absolutely honest? Some of the most faithful Christian couples that I know say they feel stuck. They love God, they're committed, and they're doing their best, and yet their marriage feels flat, tense, and quietly disappointing. If you've ever wondered why does it still feel hard and we're doing the right things, you are not alone, my friend. Today, we're talking all about why Christian marriages get stuck, what that actually means. And by the end of today's episode, you'll walk away with clarity, relief, and a new way of looking at your purpose together. Let's get into it. Well, hello there, everyone, and welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. You have found your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. We are the Turners. Is this your first time tuning in? Welcome. We're so delighted that you've joined us. Feel free to, if you get anything from today's episode, you've got three things. You got to like it, you got to comment, and you got to share it, right?
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
All right. So thank you so much. And if you're tuning in on any of the podcast platforms, we appreciate you so very much. It is season number three. Season three? Season three.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So we're excited to kick off a brand new season. If you're watching on YouTube, we kind of have a new set, sort of. We do.
Speaker #1
We definitely have a new set. It's the same room.
Speaker #0
It's the same room, but we've done a little bit of our children are now. migrating and transitioning from kid to tween stage yes and i'm very sad and so we have converted this now to actually use some of our rooms because they're getting older and bigger and we're only in here to
Speaker #1
podcast really to podcast so now we have some extra space to really do some family fun time yes let them do some of their fun stuff right and so we have a new look hope you like it Do you like it?
Speaker #0
You too? Yeah, let us know what you think. It's a process. Yes, it is not finished. We were feeling stuck, so we had to make some adjustments, and that falls right into today's episode. So, again, if it's your first time, thanks so much for listening. Everything that we share with you is firmly rooted within a biblical foundation, so we don't say anything out of opinion. We'll let you know if we're out of opinion.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
But everything we say, we are going to root it in the Word of God. Because we believe that that's ultimately where success comes from, relationships. And we want to root that in solid biblical truth. So let's talk a little bit about why marriages feel stuck. I hear that a whole lot of like when we're just trying things and we can't seem to make progress.
Speaker #1
Yeah, I was going to say, I hear it a lot. People say they're stuck when they don't know what to do next. So they're in a place. of maybe they feel like, is this all my marriage is going to be? Is this all my, you know, marriage is supposed to be? I feel stuck. I don't know what step to take forward. I don't know who to ask, you know, where to look for help. Should I be looking for help? So they feel in a place where they don't know where to go. So they feel stuck.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I think part of that is rooted in expectations because, you know, when you come up and again, we you We want to frame our thought process about marriage from God's word. But nowadays we get so much from media and from marketing about what marriage is. And of course, there's this fairy tale sometimes where it's painted. It's supposed to be this way. We've got love is blind, married at first sight. You know, if you get in there, you don't like it, just get divorced. It's okay. Switch it out. You know, it's all good. And so we have all these kind of images and. thoughts about what marriage is and what it isn't. And so when we come together, we're taking a framework from what we've seen and not necessarily all of what we see in the word of God. So it's like, why am I not getting anywhere? It's because we're pulling from something that isn't actually going to work anyway.
Speaker #1
Right. So those expectations that we have, and also I would say comparison. So we compare ourselves not only to just social media and what's on TV, but even like what we see around us. Right. So even you you know, what our friends are saying or what they're posting or how we grew up and we've seen other relationships. And so we're comparing what we're feeling, what we're experiencing to, to other people. And should that be where we're looking? to determine what makes a good marriage or what step we should take. You know, you mentioned this before, but ultimately we need to be looking at the word of God versus what, you know, our best friends are doing or what social media is showing us. So sometimes we can feel stuck when, especially Christian couples, I feel like we'll get stuck because you feel like, well, you know, I love God. I'm in a great place in my faith. Shouldn't everything just be working out?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And so sometimes you feel a little stuck because of that expectation.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I agree. And I also feel like we also get in this pattern of repetitiveness of where we just go to church, get up, and it's kind of the same routine. Get the kids ready, go to work, come home, take them to practice, get some dinner along the way. How you doing? Great, great, great. And we get in this repetitiveness because there's no intention. It doesn't mean it's wrong.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But there's no really intention to move out of and not get into a stuck rut is what I will call it.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
I know we have experienced that. And one of the things I've always expressed is I don't want to get us into the cycle of wash, rinse and repeat. Yes. Because you get comfortable.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And yes, you might be here today like, hey, everything's going great in my relationship. Wonderful. Awesome. Yeah. High five. The danger is you get complacent. Right. And that is the enemy of progress. Right. Because you get comfortable and you don't continue to do the thing that you need to do in order to move forward and have progression within your relationship. The Bible says we go from glory to glory, from faith to faith. Psalm 115 and 14 says the Lord will increase you. And so there's always, at least I would say, there should be always an expectation to go from one level to the next.
Speaker #1
That's right. It's really that. that autopilot feeling, right? So we feel safe because we're doing good things, right? It's not the right thing. We're getting our kids to school. We're doing our work. We're doing our household responsibilities, right? But when we're on autopilot, that takes us away from that intentional connection that we really need to put forth, be intentional with that. And so, you know, that would bring us into a place where we are just drifting. in our relationship. So it's not staying on track with just the autopilot, but we're slowly drifting away, even though we're doing all these great and wonderful things.
Speaker #0
And again, it's, it's a, I'm going to call it a silent killer. You know, some of those things we've heard about in health, you know, how high blood pressure is a silent killer because you don't always have the symptoms of high blood pressure. And so complacency can be the silent killer of a marriage. One of the things that I have done or try to do. is to be intentional. You'll hear this word intentional if you listen to our podcast on a regular basis, because it takes a quality decision to, I'm going to combat this before it even started. So we take one day out of the month at least to have a one-on-one time without the children. Why do I do this? Because I don't want to get into this. stay this this this cycle of being complacent and stale right and so we don't always just go out to eat it'll always go out to the same restaurant but we we mix it up and it may just be going out to the grocery store and hang out in the coffee shop and just talking for for two or three hours to to make sure that we're staying on the same page we try to take at least once a quarter have an overnight somewhere again away from the kids Where we have a little break and we get out of the rut of the jobs and the responsibility of the kids. Because if you don't do those things, you'll fall into the cycle of taking one another for granted.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And that also, it's something that I know we're both on the same page for, for putting forth that effort.
Speaker #0
I would have to say, I'm sorry to cut you off. It does have to be both of you who are committed to saying. We don't want to fall into the trap of just we can't go anywhere. Why can't we move forward?
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Or why don't we keep having the same issues? Yes, over and over. Absolutely. We keep coming back to it's because the issue has not been resolved. Unresolved issues that are buried never die. So pause for a moment. If we keep having the same conversation, we got to deal with the issue. So that we can move past.
Speaker #1
Right. And we've definitely experienced that. We're like, this isn't the first time we've dealt with this or the first time that it's been brought up. But going back to being intentional, I know we're both on the same page of, hey, we got to find a time to get out of the house and be by ourselves. Because we have. you know, promise each other our relationship matters, right? Our marriage is a priority. And so what are we going to do about that? We can't just live life and go about doing everything else. And so I think that's helpful to know, you know, we're both on the same page. We're working together as a team to even prioritize our marriage, let alone every other thing that we're working together for. So that's a big one.
Speaker #0
Go ahead, Gwen.
Speaker #1
I was going to... Move on to another one that a lot of couples face that kind of goes with this is when you're confusing commitment with direction. So you're still committed to each other. You're not talking about divorce. You're not talking about splitting up. But just because you're married, right, doesn't mean that you have a direction, that you have a shared vision, that you're working towards something together to further your marriage, your relationship. And what do you guys have in plan? Like, what do you have? and your vision for your family and your relationship three, five years down the road. So that's a big one too, not just staying committed, but actually having direction.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was going to bring that right into what we said earlier. So we were feeling stuck in a room, in a space where we were kind of getting some things out of the room, but we weren't maximizing this room's full potential. And so we kind of used some things we kind of really didn't. So we said, Hey, how can we. maximize the space we've already been given right how can we get more right out of this room okay let's now set a vision for what we desire we want a room that can be a multi-purpose room where we can sit down and do some work yeah we can also utilize a table space and pack when people order our relationship vision planner places where we can actually ship that yeah and have a work table also where we can have family game night i'm not sitting on the floor on our hardwoods and Ali's playing Uno or the other game we're playing.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
So it came up to let's transform this space into a art room because God, she has pencils and markers and all kinds of stuff everywhere. But I digress. I'm going to focus. So we had to have a set vision. And so the Bible says in Proverbs 29, 18, where there is no vision that people will perish. And so I encourage you to have a vision. and pray together of where do we want our relationship to be? Where do we see ourselves? How do we see ourselves existing and functioning and operating as a couple, as a unit, as a family, and then begin to move towards that? How can you get more out of your relationship with what you've already been given?
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
How do we move that? And God will give you, he will begin to plant things on the inside of you and breathe life right into that relationship. So if it's feeling stale, It's because we've got to get some vision. We've got to get some new life and got to breathe into us so that we can know where we're going and that we have a place to go. And we are together pursuing that.
Speaker #1
That's right. I love that analogy because it's actually a great analogy, this room, right? Because we were like, do we need to move? Do we need to find a new house? But like you said, we've been given an amazing house right now. Are we utilizing that to its highest potential? The same way is if you're listening to this, you're probably married, right? You already have a spouse.
Speaker #0
Maybe you're like, do I need to get a new spouse?
Speaker #1
Elsewhere, do we need to separate, right? You already have a marriage, right? You've been given a marriage by the Lord. And so how can you maximize that? How can you be intentional with it?
Speaker #0
And if it's not serving the purpose you need it to right now. So if you are listening, you're like, well, actually, we're not okay.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
You know, I am feeling stuck because I'm just not getting what I need. We were not getting everything we need out of this room. So, okay, we got to get a vision. What do I want to see? What do we want to have happen? And let's now transform and begin to build. We had to build shelves. We had to put in place what we wanted and what was necessary to what? Meet the needs, not only of myself, not only of you. but our entire family. Absolutely. And so that's what you really want to have happen in your relationship, that if you don't have what you're getting, we got to put in, we got to dig in and put what we want to get back into our relationships.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And where can you start with that? If you're like, okay, I get what you're saying. You're right. Like it's time to put some more intention into my marriage. Like, where do I even start with that? Right? Well, we're always going to point you back to the Lord. We're always going to point you back to prayer. commit that to prayer. We have a great tool for you as well to use and really start building that vision. You might not have any idea right now of what that may be, and that's okay, right? There's always a place to start. You know, God is for you. God's for your marriage and he can do amazing things if you give that up to him and allow him to lead you through that.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'll echo that, that instead of like being pointed towards your mother or being pointed towards your bestie and asking them for advice or going towards the IG timeline and that guru, like let's pour into the truth. Where is the truth? It's the truth that sets us free and makes us free, the scripture says. Let's go there. And from there, let's get our expectation of what our marriage is supposed to be like. and then you'll begin to start seeing fruit. So that is the first. It may seem so simple of, oh, just pray about it. Well, I'm telling you, that is the start and the finish of everything. He is the alpha. He is the omega. He is the beginning and he is the end. And everything in between should fall in line with him. So as you just mentioned, we do have some great resources. I will put those links in the show notes, both on YouTube and also on the platform. If you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, it'll be in the show notes. There's two. The first one. It's going to be our five powerful prayers that every couple needs. And it lays out for you five simple prayers you can pray. You may not know what to pray or how to pray it. So we lay it out for you. Here's the scripture. Here's the promise. And here's how you can pray that over your life, over your relationship. It's a good place of, hey, this is what I can start expecting in my marriage. So that will be in the show notes for you. The second resource is called the Five Connection. Is it Habits? Five Connection. Habits for every couple.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And so that will walk you through these, what is it, five minutes I can do?
Speaker #1
Yeah. These are things that you can put in place very quickly, right? They're not going to take a long time for you to develop. Five, ten minutes of your day. But they're really going to be powerful in switching over, making sure your marriage is a priority and that you're intentional about it.
Speaker #0
Awesome. So that's absolutely free for you. It's a beautiful PDF you can download and absolutely going to use right now today. So it's in the show notes. If you don't remember, it is oakhavencompany.com. All of our resources are there for you, for your spouse, and we are excited about what God has for you. Hope this conversation helped and gave you a little bit of hope and expectation of what God has for you. Thank you for listening. Remember, if anything kind of was like, yay, hit that bell, hit that thumbs up, like it and share it. It helps the algorithm push it out to more people. just like you. We appreciate you so very much. Again, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next week. And remember, it is wisdom that builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

As a Christian couple, we know firsthand the challenges and blessings of marriage. Whether you're seeking Christian marriage advice, considering Christian coaching, or simply looking for biblical wisdom to strengthen communication in your relationship, this podcast is for you.

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Description

Struggling with communication problems in your Christian marriage? Do the same arguments keep resurfacing, leaving you feeling disconnected, unheard, or emotionally distant?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

The root causes of communication breakdown in Christian marriages
Why unresolved conflict keeps couples stuck
How to approach hard conversations with clarity and purpose
Practical, faith-based tools to improve communication and strengthen unity

Free Resources

Join the Community!

Receive ONE email a week with practical tips and encouragement to transform your communication.

Be Social

Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@oakhavencompany

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Can I say something that might feel a little bit uncomfortable, but it's absolutely honest? Some of the most faithful Christian couples that I know say they feel stuck. They love God, they're committed, and they're doing their best, and yet their marriage feels flat, tense, and quietly disappointing. If you've ever wondered why does it still feel hard and we're doing the right things, you are not alone, my friend. Today, we're talking all about why Christian marriages get stuck, what that actually means. And by the end of today's episode, you'll walk away with clarity, relief, and a new way of looking at your purpose together. Let's get into it. Well, hello there, everyone, and welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. You have found your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. We are the Turners. Is this your first time tuning in? Welcome. We're so delighted that you've joined us. Feel free to, if you get anything from today's episode, you've got three things. You got to like it, you got to comment, and you got to share it, right?
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
All right. So thank you so much. And if you're tuning in on any of the podcast platforms, we appreciate you so very much. It is season number three. Season three? Season three.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So we're excited to kick off a brand new season. If you're watching on YouTube, we kind of have a new set, sort of. We do.
Speaker #1
We definitely have a new set. It's the same room.
Speaker #0
It's the same room, but we've done a little bit of our children are now. migrating and transitioning from kid to tween stage yes and i'm very sad and so we have converted this now to actually use some of our rooms because they're getting older and bigger and we're only in here to
Speaker #1
podcast really to podcast so now we have some extra space to really do some family fun time yes let them do some of their fun stuff right and so we have a new look hope you like it Do you like it?
Speaker #0
You too? Yeah, let us know what you think. It's a process. Yes, it is not finished. We were feeling stuck, so we had to make some adjustments, and that falls right into today's episode. So, again, if it's your first time, thanks so much for listening. Everything that we share with you is firmly rooted within a biblical foundation, so we don't say anything out of opinion. We'll let you know if we're out of opinion.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
But everything we say, we are going to root it in the Word of God. Because we believe that that's ultimately where success comes from, relationships. And we want to root that in solid biblical truth. So let's talk a little bit about why marriages feel stuck. I hear that a whole lot of like when we're just trying things and we can't seem to make progress.
Speaker #1
Yeah, I was going to say, I hear it a lot. People say they're stuck when they don't know what to do next. So they're in a place. of maybe they feel like, is this all my marriage is going to be? Is this all my, you know, marriage is supposed to be? I feel stuck. I don't know what step to take forward. I don't know who to ask, you know, where to look for help. Should I be looking for help? So they feel in a place where they don't know where to go. So they feel stuck.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I think part of that is rooted in expectations because, you know, when you come up and again, we you We want to frame our thought process about marriage from God's word. But nowadays we get so much from media and from marketing about what marriage is. And of course, there's this fairy tale sometimes where it's painted. It's supposed to be this way. We've got love is blind, married at first sight. You know, if you get in there, you don't like it, just get divorced. It's okay. Switch it out. You know, it's all good. And so we have all these kind of images and. thoughts about what marriage is and what it isn't. And so when we come together, we're taking a framework from what we've seen and not necessarily all of what we see in the word of God. So it's like, why am I not getting anywhere? It's because we're pulling from something that isn't actually going to work anyway.
Speaker #1
Right. So those expectations that we have, and also I would say comparison. So we compare ourselves not only to just social media and what's on TV, but even like what we see around us. Right. So even you you know, what our friends are saying or what they're posting or how we grew up and we've seen other relationships. And so we're comparing what we're feeling, what we're experiencing to, to other people. And should that be where we're looking? to determine what makes a good marriage or what step we should take. You know, you mentioned this before, but ultimately we need to be looking at the word of God versus what, you know, our best friends are doing or what social media is showing us. So sometimes we can feel stuck when, especially Christian couples, I feel like we'll get stuck because you feel like, well, you know, I love God. I'm in a great place in my faith. Shouldn't everything just be working out?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And so sometimes you feel a little stuck because of that expectation.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I agree. And I also feel like we also get in this pattern of repetitiveness of where we just go to church, get up, and it's kind of the same routine. Get the kids ready, go to work, come home, take them to practice, get some dinner along the way. How you doing? Great, great, great. And we get in this repetitiveness because there's no intention. It doesn't mean it's wrong.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But there's no really intention to move out of and not get into a stuck rut is what I will call it.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
I know we have experienced that. And one of the things I've always expressed is I don't want to get us into the cycle of wash, rinse and repeat. Yes. Because you get comfortable.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And yes, you might be here today like, hey, everything's going great in my relationship. Wonderful. Awesome. Yeah. High five. The danger is you get complacent. Right. And that is the enemy of progress. Right. Because you get comfortable and you don't continue to do the thing that you need to do in order to move forward and have progression within your relationship. The Bible says we go from glory to glory, from faith to faith. Psalm 115 and 14 says the Lord will increase you. And so there's always, at least I would say, there should be always an expectation to go from one level to the next.
Speaker #1
That's right. It's really that. that autopilot feeling, right? So we feel safe because we're doing good things, right? It's not the right thing. We're getting our kids to school. We're doing our work. We're doing our household responsibilities, right? But when we're on autopilot, that takes us away from that intentional connection that we really need to put forth, be intentional with that. And so, you know, that would bring us into a place where we are just drifting. in our relationship. So it's not staying on track with just the autopilot, but we're slowly drifting away, even though we're doing all these great and wonderful things.
Speaker #0
And again, it's, it's a, I'm going to call it a silent killer. You know, some of those things we've heard about in health, you know, how high blood pressure is a silent killer because you don't always have the symptoms of high blood pressure. And so complacency can be the silent killer of a marriage. One of the things that I have done or try to do. is to be intentional. You'll hear this word intentional if you listen to our podcast on a regular basis, because it takes a quality decision to, I'm going to combat this before it even started. So we take one day out of the month at least to have a one-on-one time without the children. Why do I do this? Because I don't want to get into this. stay this this this cycle of being complacent and stale right and so we don't always just go out to eat it'll always go out to the same restaurant but we we mix it up and it may just be going out to the grocery store and hang out in the coffee shop and just talking for for two or three hours to to make sure that we're staying on the same page we try to take at least once a quarter have an overnight somewhere again away from the kids Where we have a little break and we get out of the rut of the jobs and the responsibility of the kids. Because if you don't do those things, you'll fall into the cycle of taking one another for granted.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And that also, it's something that I know we're both on the same page for, for putting forth that effort.
Speaker #0
I would have to say, I'm sorry to cut you off. It does have to be both of you who are committed to saying. We don't want to fall into the trap of just we can't go anywhere. Why can't we move forward?
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Or why don't we keep having the same issues? Yes, over and over. Absolutely. We keep coming back to it's because the issue has not been resolved. Unresolved issues that are buried never die. So pause for a moment. If we keep having the same conversation, we got to deal with the issue. So that we can move past.
Speaker #1
Right. And we've definitely experienced that. We're like, this isn't the first time we've dealt with this or the first time that it's been brought up. But going back to being intentional, I know we're both on the same page of, hey, we got to find a time to get out of the house and be by ourselves. Because we have. you know, promise each other our relationship matters, right? Our marriage is a priority. And so what are we going to do about that? We can't just live life and go about doing everything else. And so I think that's helpful to know, you know, we're both on the same page. We're working together as a team to even prioritize our marriage, let alone every other thing that we're working together for. So that's a big one.
Speaker #0
Go ahead, Gwen.
Speaker #1
I was going to... Move on to another one that a lot of couples face that kind of goes with this is when you're confusing commitment with direction. So you're still committed to each other. You're not talking about divorce. You're not talking about splitting up. But just because you're married, right, doesn't mean that you have a direction, that you have a shared vision, that you're working towards something together to further your marriage, your relationship. And what do you guys have in plan? Like, what do you have? and your vision for your family and your relationship three, five years down the road. So that's a big one too, not just staying committed, but actually having direction.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was going to bring that right into what we said earlier. So we were feeling stuck in a room, in a space where we were kind of getting some things out of the room, but we weren't maximizing this room's full potential. And so we kind of used some things we kind of really didn't. So we said, Hey, how can we. maximize the space we've already been given right how can we get more right out of this room okay let's now set a vision for what we desire we want a room that can be a multi-purpose room where we can sit down and do some work yeah we can also utilize a table space and pack when people order our relationship vision planner places where we can actually ship that yeah and have a work table also where we can have family game night i'm not sitting on the floor on our hardwoods and Ali's playing Uno or the other game we're playing.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
So it came up to let's transform this space into a art room because God, she has pencils and markers and all kinds of stuff everywhere. But I digress. I'm going to focus. So we had to have a set vision. And so the Bible says in Proverbs 29, 18, where there is no vision that people will perish. And so I encourage you to have a vision. and pray together of where do we want our relationship to be? Where do we see ourselves? How do we see ourselves existing and functioning and operating as a couple, as a unit, as a family, and then begin to move towards that? How can you get more out of your relationship with what you've already been given?
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
How do we move that? And God will give you, he will begin to plant things on the inside of you and breathe life right into that relationship. So if it's feeling stale, It's because we've got to get some vision. We've got to get some new life and got to breathe into us so that we can know where we're going and that we have a place to go. And we are together pursuing that.
Speaker #1
That's right. I love that analogy because it's actually a great analogy, this room, right? Because we were like, do we need to move? Do we need to find a new house? But like you said, we've been given an amazing house right now. Are we utilizing that to its highest potential? The same way is if you're listening to this, you're probably married, right? You already have a spouse.
Speaker #0
Maybe you're like, do I need to get a new spouse?
Speaker #1
Elsewhere, do we need to separate, right? You already have a marriage, right? You've been given a marriage by the Lord. And so how can you maximize that? How can you be intentional with it?
Speaker #0
And if it's not serving the purpose you need it to right now. So if you are listening, you're like, well, actually, we're not okay.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
You know, I am feeling stuck because I'm just not getting what I need. We were not getting everything we need out of this room. So, okay, we got to get a vision. What do I want to see? What do we want to have happen? And let's now transform and begin to build. We had to build shelves. We had to put in place what we wanted and what was necessary to what? Meet the needs, not only of myself, not only of you. but our entire family. Absolutely. And so that's what you really want to have happen in your relationship, that if you don't have what you're getting, we got to put in, we got to dig in and put what we want to get back into our relationships.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And where can you start with that? If you're like, okay, I get what you're saying. You're right. Like it's time to put some more intention into my marriage. Like, where do I even start with that? Right? Well, we're always going to point you back to the Lord. We're always going to point you back to prayer. commit that to prayer. We have a great tool for you as well to use and really start building that vision. You might not have any idea right now of what that may be, and that's okay, right? There's always a place to start. You know, God is for you. God's for your marriage and he can do amazing things if you give that up to him and allow him to lead you through that.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'll echo that, that instead of like being pointed towards your mother or being pointed towards your bestie and asking them for advice or going towards the IG timeline and that guru, like let's pour into the truth. Where is the truth? It's the truth that sets us free and makes us free, the scripture says. Let's go there. And from there, let's get our expectation of what our marriage is supposed to be like. and then you'll begin to start seeing fruit. So that is the first. It may seem so simple of, oh, just pray about it. Well, I'm telling you, that is the start and the finish of everything. He is the alpha. He is the omega. He is the beginning and he is the end. And everything in between should fall in line with him. So as you just mentioned, we do have some great resources. I will put those links in the show notes, both on YouTube and also on the platform. If you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, it'll be in the show notes. There's two. The first one. It's going to be our five powerful prayers that every couple needs. And it lays out for you five simple prayers you can pray. You may not know what to pray or how to pray it. So we lay it out for you. Here's the scripture. Here's the promise. And here's how you can pray that over your life, over your relationship. It's a good place of, hey, this is what I can start expecting in my marriage. So that will be in the show notes for you. The second resource is called the Five Connection. Is it Habits? Five Connection. Habits for every couple.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And so that will walk you through these, what is it, five minutes I can do?
Speaker #1
Yeah. These are things that you can put in place very quickly, right? They're not going to take a long time for you to develop. Five, ten minutes of your day. But they're really going to be powerful in switching over, making sure your marriage is a priority and that you're intentional about it.
Speaker #0
Awesome. So that's absolutely free for you. It's a beautiful PDF you can download and absolutely going to use right now today. So it's in the show notes. If you don't remember, it is oakhavencompany.com. All of our resources are there for you, for your spouse, and we are excited about what God has for you. Hope this conversation helped and gave you a little bit of hope and expectation of what God has for you. Thank you for listening. Remember, if anything kind of was like, yay, hit that bell, hit that thumbs up, like it and share it. It helps the algorithm push it out to more people. just like you. We appreciate you so very much. Again, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next week. And remember, it is wisdom that builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Embed

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Description

Struggling with communication problems in your Christian marriage? Do the same arguments keep resurfacing, leaving you feeling disconnected, unheard, or emotionally distant?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

The root causes of communication breakdown in Christian marriages
Why unresolved conflict keeps couples stuck
How to approach hard conversations with clarity and purpose
Practical, faith-based tools to improve communication and strengthen unity

Free Resources

Join the Community!

Receive ONE email a week with practical tips and encouragement to transform your communication.

Be Social

Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@oakhavencompany

Follow on TikTok: https://tiktok.com/OakhavenCompany

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Transcription

Speaker #0
Can I say something that might feel a little bit uncomfortable, but it's absolutely honest? Some of the most faithful Christian couples that I know say they feel stuck. They love God, they're committed, and they're doing their best, and yet their marriage feels flat, tense, and quietly disappointing. If you've ever wondered why does it still feel hard and we're doing the right things, you are not alone, my friend. Today, we're talking all about why Christian marriages get stuck, what that actually means. And by the end of today's episode, you'll walk away with clarity, relief, and a new way of looking at your purpose together. Let's get into it. Well, hello there, everyone, and welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. You have found your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. We are the Turners. Is this your first time tuning in? Welcome. We're so delighted that you've joined us. Feel free to, if you get anything from today's episode, you've got three things. You got to like it, you got to comment, and you got to share it, right?
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
All right. So thank you so much. And if you're tuning in on any of the podcast platforms, we appreciate you so very much. It is season number three. Season three? Season three.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So we're excited to kick off a brand new season. If you're watching on YouTube, we kind of have a new set, sort of. We do.
Speaker #1
We definitely have a new set. It's the same room.
Speaker #0
It's the same room, but we've done a little bit of our children are now. migrating and transitioning from kid to tween stage yes and i'm very sad and so we have converted this now to actually use some of our rooms because they're getting older and bigger and we're only in here to
Speaker #1
podcast really to podcast so now we have some extra space to really do some family fun time yes let them do some of their fun stuff right and so we have a new look hope you like it Do you like it?
Speaker #0
You too? Yeah, let us know what you think. It's a process. Yes, it is not finished. We were feeling stuck, so we had to make some adjustments, and that falls right into today's episode. So, again, if it's your first time, thanks so much for listening. Everything that we share with you is firmly rooted within a biblical foundation, so we don't say anything out of opinion. We'll let you know if we're out of opinion.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
But everything we say, we are going to root it in the Word of God. Because we believe that that's ultimately where success comes from, relationships. And we want to root that in solid biblical truth. So let's talk a little bit about why marriages feel stuck. I hear that a whole lot of like when we're just trying things and we can't seem to make progress.
Speaker #1
Yeah, I was going to say, I hear it a lot. People say they're stuck when they don't know what to do next. So they're in a place. of maybe they feel like, is this all my marriage is going to be? Is this all my, you know, marriage is supposed to be? I feel stuck. I don't know what step to take forward. I don't know who to ask, you know, where to look for help. Should I be looking for help? So they feel in a place where they don't know where to go. So they feel stuck.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I think part of that is rooted in expectations because, you know, when you come up and again, we you We want to frame our thought process about marriage from God's word. But nowadays we get so much from media and from marketing about what marriage is. And of course, there's this fairy tale sometimes where it's painted. It's supposed to be this way. We've got love is blind, married at first sight. You know, if you get in there, you don't like it, just get divorced. It's okay. Switch it out. You know, it's all good. And so we have all these kind of images and. thoughts about what marriage is and what it isn't. And so when we come together, we're taking a framework from what we've seen and not necessarily all of what we see in the word of God. So it's like, why am I not getting anywhere? It's because we're pulling from something that isn't actually going to work anyway.
Speaker #1
Right. So those expectations that we have, and also I would say comparison. So we compare ourselves not only to just social media and what's on TV, but even like what we see around us. Right. So even you you know, what our friends are saying or what they're posting or how we grew up and we've seen other relationships. And so we're comparing what we're feeling, what we're experiencing to, to other people. And should that be where we're looking? to determine what makes a good marriage or what step we should take. You know, you mentioned this before, but ultimately we need to be looking at the word of God versus what, you know, our best friends are doing or what social media is showing us. So sometimes we can feel stuck when, especially Christian couples, I feel like we'll get stuck because you feel like, well, you know, I love God. I'm in a great place in my faith. Shouldn't everything just be working out?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And so sometimes you feel a little stuck because of that expectation.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I agree. And I also feel like we also get in this pattern of repetitiveness of where we just go to church, get up, and it's kind of the same routine. Get the kids ready, go to work, come home, take them to practice, get some dinner along the way. How you doing? Great, great, great. And we get in this repetitiveness because there's no intention. It doesn't mean it's wrong.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But there's no really intention to move out of and not get into a stuck rut is what I will call it.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
I know we have experienced that. And one of the things I've always expressed is I don't want to get us into the cycle of wash, rinse and repeat. Yes. Because you get comfortable.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And yes, you might be here today like, hey, everything's going great in my relationship. Wonderful. Awesome. Yeah. High five. The danger is you get complacent. Right. And that is the enemy of progress. Right. Because you get comfortable and you don't continue to do the thing that you need to do in order to move forward and have progression within your relationship. The Bible says we go from glory to glory, from faith to faith. Psalm 115 and 14 says the Lord will increase you. And so there's always, at least I would say, there should be always an expectation to go from one level to the next.
Speaker #1
That's right. It's really that. that autopilot feeling, right? So we feel safe because we're doing good things, right? It's not the right thing. We're getting our kids to school. We're doing our work. We're doing our household responsibilities, right? But when we're on autopilot, that takes us away from that intentional connection that we really need to put forth, be intentional with that. And so, you know, that would bring us into a place where we are just drifting. in our relationship. So it's not staying on track with just the autopilot, but we're slowly drifting away, even though we're doing all these great and wonderful things.
Speaker #0
And again, it's, it's a, I'm going to call it a silent killer. You know, some of those things we've heard about in health, you know, how high blood pressure is a silent killer because you don't always have the symptoms of high blood pressure. And so complacency can be the silent killer of a marriage. One of the things that I have done or try to do. is to be intentional. You'll hear this word intentional if you listen to our podcast on a regular basis, because it takes a quality decision to, I'm going to combat this before it even started. So we take one day out of the month at least to have a one-on-one time without the children. Why do I do this? Because I don't want to get into this. stay this this this cycle of being complacent and stale right and so we don't always just go out to eat it'll always go out to the same restaurant but we we mix it up and it may just be going out to the grocery store and hang out in the coffee shop and just talking for for two or three hours to to make sure that we're staying on the same page we try to take at least once a quarter have an overnight somewhere again away from the kids Where we have a little break and we get out of the rut of the jobs and the responsibility of the kids. Because if you don't do those things, you'll fall into the cycle of taking one another for granted.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And that also, it's something that I know we're both on the same page for, for putting forth that effort.
Speaker #0
I would have to say, I'm sorry to cut you off. It does have to be both of you who are committed to saying. We don't want to fall into the trap of just we can't go anywhere. Why can't we move forward?
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Or why don't we keep having the same issues? Yes, over and over. Absolutely. We keep coming back to it's because the issue has not been resolved. Unresolved issues that are buried never die. So pause for a moment. If we keep having the same conversation, we got to deal with the issue. So that we can move past.
Speaker #1
Right. And we've definitely experienced that. We're like, this isn't the first time we've dealt with this or the first time that it's been brought up. But going back to being intentional, I know we're both on the same page of, hey, we got to find a time to get out of the house and be by ourselves. Because we have. you know, promise each other our relationship matters, right? Our marriage is a priority. And so what are we going to do about that? We can't just live life and go about doing everything else. And so I think that's helpful to know, you know, we're both on the same page. We're working together as a team to even prioritize our marriage, let alone every other thing that we're working together for. So that's a big one.
Speaker #0
Go ahead, Gwen.
Speaker #1
I was going to... Move on to another one that a lot of couples face that kind of goes with this is when you're confusing commitment with direction. So you're still committed to each other. You're not talking about divorce. You're not talking about splitting up. But just because you're married, right, doesn't mean that you have a direction, that you have a shared vision, that you're working towards something together to further your marriage, your relationship. And what do you guys have in plan? Like, what do you have? and your vision for your family and your relationship three, five years down the road. So that's a big one too, not just staying committed, but actually having direction.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was going to bring that right into what we said earlier. So we were feeling stuck in a room, in a space where we were kind of getting some things out of the room, but we weren't maximizing this room's full potential. And so we kind of used some things we kind of really didn't. So we said, Hey, how can we. maximize the space we've already been given right how can we get more right out of this room okay let's now set a vision for what we desire we want a room that can be a multi-purpose room where we can sit down and do some work yeah we can also utilize a table space and pack when people order our relationship vision planner places where we can actually ship that yeah and have a work table also where we can have family game night i'm not sitting on the floor on our hardwoods and Ali's playing Uno or the other game we're playing.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
So it came up to let's transform this space into a art room because God, she has pencils and markers and all kinds of stuff everywhere. But I digress. I'm going to focus. So we had to have a set vision. And so the Bible says in Proverbs 29, 18, where there is no vision that people will perish. And so I encourage you to have a vision. and pray together of where do we want our relationship to be? Where do we see ourselves? How do we see ourselves existing and functioning and operating as a couple, as a unit, as a family, and then begin to move towards that? How can you get more out of your relationship with what you've already been given?
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
How do we move that? And God will give you, he will begin to plant things on the inside of you and breathe life right into that relationship. So if it's feeling stale, It's because we've got to get some vision. We've got to get some new life and got to breathe into us so that we can know where we're going and that we have a place to go. And we are together pursuing that.
Speaker #1
That's right. I love that analogy because it's actually a great analogy, this room, right? Because we were like, do we need to move? Do we need to find a new house? But like you said, we've been given an amazing house right now. Are we utilizing that to its highest potential? The same way is if you're listening to this, you're probably married, right? You already have a spouse.
Speaker #0
Maybe you're like, do I need to get a new spouse?
Speaker #1
Elsewhere, do we need to separate, right? You already have a marriage, right? You've been given a marriage by the Lord. And so how can you maximize that? How can you be intentional with it?
Speaker #0
And if it's not serving the purpose you need it to right now. So if you are listening, you're like, well, actually, we're not okay.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
You know, I am feeling stuck because I'm just not getting what I need. We were not getting everything we need out of this room. So, okay, we got to get a vision. What do I want to see? What do we want to have happen? And let's now transform and begin to build. We had to build shelves. We had to put in place what we wanted and what was necessary to what? Meet the needs, not only of myself, not only of you. but our entire family. Absolutely. And so that's what you really want to have happen in your relationship, that if you don't have what you're getting, we got to put in, we got to dig in and put what we want to get back into our relationships.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And where can you start with that? If you're like, okay, I get what you're saying. You're right. Like it's time to put some more intention into my marriage. Like, where do I even start with that? Right? Well, we're always going to point you back to the Lord. We're always going to point you back to prayer. commit that to prayer. We have a great tool for you as well to use and really start building that vision. You might not have any idea right now of what that may be, and that's okay, right? There's always a place to start. You know, God is for you. God's for your marriage and he can do amazing things if you give that up to him and allow him to lead you through that.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'll echo that, that instead of like being pointed towards your mother or being pointed towards your bestie and asking them for advice or going towards the IG timeline and that guru, like let's pour into the truth. Where is the truth? It's the truth that sets us free and makes us free, the scripture says. Let's go there. And from there, let's get our expectation of what our marriage is supposed to be like. and then you'll begin to start seeing fruit. So that is the first. It may seem so simple of, oh, just pray about it. Well, I'm telling you, that is the start and the finish of everything. He is the alpha. He is the omega. He is the beginning and he is the end. And everything in between should fall in line with him. So as you just mentioned, we do have some great resources. I will put those links in the show notes, both on YouTube and also on the platform. If you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, it'll be in the show notes. There's two. The first one. It's going to be our five powerful prayers that every couple needs. And it lays out for you five simple prayers you can pray. You may not know what to pray or how to pray it. So we lay it out for you. Here's the scripture. Here's the promise. And here's how you can pray that over your life, over your relationship. It's a good place of, hey, this is what I can start expecting in my marriage. So that will be in the show notes for you. The second resource is called the Five Connection. Is it Habits? Five Connection. Habits for every couple.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And so that will walk you through these, what is it, five minutes I can do?
Speaker #1
Yeah. These are things that you can put in place very quickly, right? They're not going to take a long time for you to develop. Five, ten minutes of your day. But they're really going to be powerful in switching over, making sure your marriage is a priority and that you're intentional about it.
Speaker #0
Awesome. So that's absolutely free for you. It's a beautiful PDF you can download and absolutely going to use right now today. So it's in the show notes. If you don't remember, it is oakhavencompany.com. All of our resources are there for you, for your spouse, and we are excited about what God has for you. Hope this conversation helped and gave you a little bit of hope and expectation of what God has for you. Thank you for listening. Remember, if anything kind of was like, yay, hit that bell, hit that thumbs up, like it and share it. It helps the algorithm push it out to more people. just like you. We appreciate you so very much. Again, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next week. And remember, it is wisdom that builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Description

Struggling with communication problems in your Christian marriage? Do the same arguments keep resurfacing, leaving you feeling disconnected, unheard, or emotionally distant?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

The root causes of communication breakdown in Christian marriages
Why unresolved conflict keeps couples stuck
How to approach hard conversations with clarity and purpose
Practical, faith-based tools to improve communication and strengthen unity

Free Resources

Join the Community!

Receive ONE email a week with practical tips and encouragement to transform your communication.

Be Social

Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@oakhavencompany

Follow on TikTok: https://tiktok.com/OakhavenCompany

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Transcription

Speaker #0
Can I say something that might feel a little bit uncomfortable, but it's absolutely honest? Some of the most faithful Christian couples that I know say they feel stuck. They love God, they're committed, and they're doing their best, and yet their marriage feels flat, tense, and quietly disappointing. If you've ever wondered why does it still feel hard and we're doing the right things, you are not alone, my friend. Today, we're talking all about why Christian marriages get stuck, what that actually means. And by the end of today's episode, you'll walk away with clarity, relief, and a new way of looking at your purpose together. Let's get into it. Well, hello there, everyone, and welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. You have found your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. We are the Turners. Is this your first time tuning in? Welcome. We're so delighted that you've joined us. Feel free to, if you get anything from today's episode, you've got three things. You got to like it, you got to comment, and you got to share it, right?
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
All right. So thank you so much. And if you're tuning in on any of the podcast platforms, we appreciate you so very much. It is season number three. Season three? Season three.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So we're excited to kick off a brand new season. If you're watching on YouTube, we kind of have a new set, sort of. We do.
Speaker #1
We definitely have a new set. It's the same room.
Speaker #0
It's the same room, but we've done a little bit of our children are now. migrating and transitioning from kid to tween stage yes and i'm very sad and so we have converted this now to actually use some of our rooms because they're getting older and bigger and we're only in here to
Speaker #1
podcast really to podcast so now we have some extra space to really do some family fun time yes let them do some of their fun stuff right and so we have a new look hope you like it Do you like it?
Speaker #0
You too? Yeah, let us know what you think. It's a process. Yes, it is not finished. We were feeling stuck, so we had to make some adjustments, and that falls right into today's episode. So, again, if it's your first time, thanks so much for listening. Everything that we share with you is firmly rooted within a biblical foundation, so we don't say anything out of opinion. We'll let you know if we're out of opinion.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
But everything we say, we are going to root it in the Word of God. Because we believe that that's ultimately where success comes from, relationships. And we want to root that in solid biblical truth. So let's talk a little bit about why marriages feel stuck. I hear that a whole lot of like when we're just trying things and we can't seem to make progress.
Speaker #1
Yeah, I was going to say, I hear it a lot. People say they're stuck when they don't know what to do next. So they're in a place. of maybe they feel like, is this all my marriage is going to be? Is this all my, you know, marriage is supposed to be? I feel stuck. I don't know what step to take forward. I don't know who to ask, you know, where to look for help. Should I be looking for help? So they feel in a place where they don't know where to go. So they feel stuck.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I think part of that is rooted in expectations because, you know, when you come up and again, we you We want to frame our thought process about marriage from God's word. But nowadays we get so much from media and from marketing about what marriage is. And of course, there's this fairy tale sometimes where it's painted. It's supposed to be this way. We've got love is blind, married at first sight. You know, if you get in there, you don't like it, just get divorced. It's okay. Switch it out. You know, it's all good. And so we have all these kind of images and. thoughts about what marriage is and what it isn't. And so when we come together, we're taking a framework from what we've seen and not necessarily all of what we see in the word of God. So it's like, why am I not getting anywhere? It's because we're pulling from something that isn't actually going to work anyway.
Speaker #1
Right. So those expectations that we have, and also I would say comparison. So we compare ourselves not only to just social media and what's on TV, but even like what we see around us. Right. So even you you know, what our friends are saying or what they're posting or how we grew up and we've seen other relationships. And so we're comparing what we're feeling, what we're experiencing to, to other people. And should that be where we're looking? to determine what makes a good marriage or what step we should take. You know, you mentioned this before, but ultimately we need to be looking at the word of God versus what, you know, our best friends are doing or what social media is showing us. So sometimes we can feel stuck when, especially Christian couples, I feel like we'll get stuck because you feel like, well, you know, I love God. I'm in a great place in my faith. Shouldn't everything just be working out?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And so sometimes you feel a little stuck because of that expectation.
Speaker #0
A hundred percent. I agree. And I also feel like we also get in this pattern of repetitiveness of where we just go to church, get up, and it's kind of the same routine. Get the kids ready, go to work, come home, take them to practice, get some dinner along the way. How you doing? Great, great, great. And we get in this repetitiveness because there's no intention. It doesn't mean it's wrong.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
But there's no really intention to move out of and not get into a stuck rut is what I will call it.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
I know we have experienced that. And one of the things I've always expressed is I don't want to get us into the cycle of wash, rinse and repeat. Yes. Because you get comfortable.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And yes, you might be here today like, hey, everything's going great in my relationship. Wonderful. Awesome. Yeah. High five. The danger is you get complacent. Right. And that is the enemy of progress. Right. Because you get comfortable and you don't continue to do the thing that you need to do in order to move forward and have progression within your relationship. The Bible says we go from glory to glory, from faith to faith. Psalm 115 and 14 says the Lord will increase you. And so there's always, at least I would say, there should be always an expectation to go from one level to the next.
Speaker #1
That's right. It's really that. that autopilot feeling, right? So we feel safe because we're doing good things, right? It's not the right thing. We're getting our kids to school. We're doing our work. We're doing our household responsibilities, right? But when we're on autopilot, that takes us away from that intentional connection that we really need to put forth, be intentional with that. And so, you know, that would bring us into a place where we are just drifting. in our relationship. So it's not staying on track with just the autopilot, but we're slowly drifting away, even though we're doing all these great and wonderful things.
Speaker #0
And again, it's, it's a, I'm going to call it a silent killer. You know, some of those things we've heard about in health, you know, how high blood pressure is a silent killer because you don't always have the symptoms of high blood pressure. And so complacency can be the silent killer of a marriage. One of the things that I have done or try to do. is to be intentional. You'll hear this word intentional if you listen to our podcast on a regular basis, because it takes a quality decision to, I'm going to combat this before it even started. So we take one day out of the month at least to have a one-on-one time without the children. Why do I do this? Because I don't want to get into this. stay this this this cycle of being complacent and stale right and so we don't always just go out to eat it'll always go out to the same restaurant but we we mix it up and it may just be going out to the grocery store and hang out in the coffee shop and just talking for for two or three hours to to make sure that we're staying on the same page we try to take at least once a quarter have an overnight somewhere again away from the kids Where we have a little break and we get out of the rut of the jobs and the responsibility of the kids. Because if you don't do those things, you'll fall into the cycle of taking one another for granted.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And that also, it's something that I know we're both on the same page for, for putting forth that effort.
Speaker #0
I would have to say, I'm sorry to cut you off. It does have to be both of you who are committed to saying. We don't want to fall into the trap of just we can't go anywhere. Why can't we move forward?
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Or why don't we keep having the same issues? Yes, over and over. Absolutely. We keep coming back to it's because the issue has not been resolved. Unresolved issues that are buried never die. So pause for a moment. If we keep having the same conversation, we got to deal with the issue. So that we can move past.
Speaker #1
Right. And we've definitely experienced that. We're like, this isn't the first time we've dealt with this or the first time that it's been brought up. But going back to being intentional, I know we're both on the same page of, hey, we got to find a time to get out of the house and be by ourselves. Because we have. you know, promise each other our relationship matters, right? Our marriage is a priority. And so what are we going to do about that? We can't just live life and go about doing everything else. And so I think that's helpful to know, you know, we're both on the same page. We're working together as a team to even prioritize our marriage, let alone every other thing that we're working together for. So that's a big one.
Speaker #0
Go ahead, Gwen.
Speaker #1
I was going to... Move on to another one that a lot of couples face that kind of goes with this is when you're confusing commitment with direction. So you're still committed to each other. You're not talking about divorce. You're not talking about splitting up. But just because you're married, right, doesn't mean that you have a direction, that you have a shared vision, that you're working towards something together to further your marriage, your relationship. And what do you guys have in plan? Like, what do you have? and your vision for your family and your relationship three, five years down the road. So that's a big one too, not just staying committed, but actually having direction.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I was going to bring that right into what we said earlier. So we were feeling stuck in a room, in a space where we were kind of getting some things out of the room, but we weren't maximizing this room's full potential. And so we kind of used some things we kind of really didn't. So we said, Hey, how can we. maximize the space we've already been given right how can we get more right out of this room okay let's now set a vision for what we desire we want a room that can be a multi-purpose room where we can sit down and do some work yeah we can also utilize a table space and pack when people order our relationship vision planner places where we can actually ship that yeah and have a work table also where we can have family game night i'm not sitting on the floor on our hardwoods and Ali's playing Uno or the other game we're playing.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
So it came up to let's transform this space into a art room because God, she has pencils and markers and all kinds of stuff everywhere. But I digress. I'm going to focus. So we had to have a set vision. And so the Bible says in Proverbs 29, 18, where there is no vision that people will perish. And so I encourage you to have a vision. and pray together of where do we want our relationship to be? Where do we see ourselves? How do we see ourselves existing and functioning and operating as a couple, as a unit, as a family, and then begin to move towards that? How can you get more out of your relationship with what you've already been given?
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
How do we move that? And God will give you, he will begin to plant things on the inside of you and breathe life right into that relationship. So if it's feeling stale, It's because we've got to get some vision. We've got to get some new life and got to breathe into us so that we can know where we're going and that we have a place to go. And we are together pursuing that.
Speaker #1
That's right. I love that analogy because it's actually a great analogy, this room, right? Because we were like, do we need to move? Do we need to find a new house? But like you said, we've been given an amazing house right now. Are we utilizing that to its highest potential? The same way is if you're listening to this, you're probably married, right? You already have a spouse.
Speaker #0
Maybe you're like, do I need to get a new spouse?
Speaker #1
Elsewhere, do we need to separate, right? You already have a marriage, right? You've been given a marriage by the Lord. And so how can you maximize that? How can you be intentional with it?
Speaker #0
And if it's not serving the purpose you need it to right now. So if you are listening, you're like, well, actually, we're not okay.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
You know, I am feeling stuck because I'm just not getting what I need. We were not getting everything we need out of this room. So, okay, we got to get a vision. What do I want to see? What do we want to have happen? And let's now transform and begin to build. We had to build shelves. We had to put in place what we wanted and what was necessary to what? Meet the needs, not only of myself, not only of you. but our entire family. Absolutely. And so that's what you really want to have happen in your relationship, that if you don't have what you're getting, we got to put in, we got to dig in and put what we want to get back into our relationships.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And where can you start with that? If you're like, okay, I get what you're saying. You're right. Like it's time to put some more intention into my marriage. Like, where do I even start with that? Right? Well, we're always going to point you back to the Lord. We're always going to point you back to prayer. commit that to prayer. We have a great tool for you as well to use and really start building that vision. You might not have any idea right now of what that may be, and that's okay, right? There's always a place to start. You know, God is for you. God's for your marriage and he can do amazing things if you give that up to him and allow him to lead you through that.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'll echo that, that instead of like being pointed towards your mother or being pointed towards your bestie and asking them for advice or going towards the IG timeline and that guru, like let's pour into the truth. Where is the truth? It's the truth that sets us free and makes us free, the scripture says. Let's go there. And from there, let's get our expectation of what our marriage is supposed to be like. and then you'll begin to start seeing fruit. So that is the first. It may seem so simple of, oh, just pray about it. Well, I'm telling you, that is the start and the finish of everything. He is the alpha. He is the omega. He is the beginning and he is the end. And everything in between should fall in line with him. So as you just mentioned, we do have some great resources. I will put those links in the show notes, both on YouTube and also on the platform. If you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, it'll be in the show notes. There's two. The first one. It's going to be our five powerful prayers that every couple needs. And it lays out for you five simple prayers you can pray. You may not know what to pray or how to pray it. So we lay it out for you. Here's the scripture. Here's the promise. And here's how you can pray that over your life, over your relationship. It's a good place of, hey, this is what I can start expecting in my marriage. So that will be in the show notes for you. The second resource is called the Five Connection. Is it Habits? Five Connection. Habits for every couple.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And so that will walk you through these, what is it, five minutes I can do?
Speaker #1
Yeah. These are things that you can put in place very quickly, right? They're not going to take a long time for you to develop. Five, ten minutes of your day. But they're really going to be powerful in switching over, making sure your marriage is a priority and that you're intentional about it.
Speaker #0
Awesome. So that's absolutely free for you. It's a beautiful PDF you can download and absolutely going to use right now today. So it's in the show notes. If you don't remember, it is oakhavencompany.com. All of our resources are there for you, for your spouse, and we are excited about what God has for you. Hope this conversation helped and gave you a little bit of hope and expectation of what God has for you. Thank you for listening. Remember, if anything kind of was like, yay, hit that bell, hit that thumbs up, like it and share it. It helps the algorithm push it out to more people. just like you. We appreciate you so very much. Again, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next week. And remember, it is wisdom that builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

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About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources: