- Speaker #0
Listen up, if you're exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally, this episode is for you. If you're managing the calendar, the feelings, the tension, the conversations, and the spiritual temperature of your home, you're not weak and you're not alone. Today, we're naming the emotional load many women carry in their marriages. And by the end of this episode, you'll feel seen, validated, and equipped to move forward. and share responsibility without guilt or resentment. Let's find out right now. Welcome, everyone, to the Home to Haven podcast. We are delighted, overjoyed, and excited that you are here. It's a great day. It's going to be a great, great topic. I'm excited about this one. But right quickly, we are Jen. And Terrell Turner, and we are the Turners. This is your home for faith-filled content that helps you communicate in your relationship today. If you get anything from the episode, we're going to ask you two things. Will you like it? And then will you share it? Will you copy paste that link to someone? And then, hey, I got some content here. You might like it too.
- Speaker #1
Yes. Share it. Let us know what you think as well. We love to hear your comments, your opinions back. It's very important to us.
- Speaker #0
Yeah.
- Speaker #1
Leave us something.
- Speaker #0
Leave us something. We got, I think we mentioned it earlier, but we got a comment from someone who got our planner off Etsy. And it was amazing, super encouraging. He was like, you know, this is the greatest thing ever. So it really lifts us up when we push out content and we're like, you know what, God, we're trusting you. But it also helps like, yay.
- Speaker #1
Yes,
- Speaker #0
for sure. So the email is hi at oakhavencompany.com or of course just DM us at Oak Haven Company. And we really appreciate it. you are watching or listening on the platforms, you may have seen a new thumbnail. So we've got a new thumbnail. We've got a new set.
- Speaker #1
Season three.
- Speaker #0
Season three. Well, I was thinking about this episode, I think, 117 or 118. This one would be.
- Speaker #1
Yes, yes,
- Speaker #0
119. And then we'll just have episode 100.
- Speaker #1
I know, right? It goes by fast. But we have fun.
- Speaker #0
We do have fun. Talk about emotions.
- Speaker #1
We're talking about the emotional load.
- Speaker #0
Okay.
- Speaker #1
So the emotional,
- Speaker #0
I was thinking about this load and I was, I think it was laundry.
- Speaker #1
Okay.
- Speaker #0
And you had the thing in the laundry machine this morning. It was like knocking and bum, Yeah.
- Speaker #1
I don't know why it does that.
- Speaker #0
Loads are not cool.
- Speaker #1
Correct. So talking about really carrying that emotional or mental load when you feel like you're carrying it alone and you're in a marriage, right? And so you're hoping that you're not carrying it alone because now you have a partner. Whereas in reality, you feel all of that pressure on you. you You're the one in charge of making sure everything runs smoothly with the calendar and schedules and kids and appointments and keeping yourself healthy and getting dinners ready. That's a big one for me. And, you know, planning date nights and planning vacations and making basically making sure everything's running smoothly. And you're really the only one that knows all the details. Like, do we have chips in the house? do. The kids have spring clothes ready in a month, you know, all those little tiny things that make a huge long list.
- Speaker #0
Okay.
- Speaker #1
We seem to just in general, I'm saying the wife seems to carry that a lot.
- Speaker #0
Okay.
- Speaker #1
And many people feel like the husband is not carrying that with them, or at least it's not equal load.
- Speaker #0
Okay.
- Speaker #1
So what would you say to that?
- Speaker #0
I'd love to know what people. are listening or are watching. So definitely comment and kind of see, do you agree with that? Do you feel like the wife should do that or the husband or, you know, I know it's 2026 and people's mindsets and attitudes have shifted concerning roles and responsibilities. I'd love to know what emotional load is and what does that look like? But if he's telling me it's, you know, all the things that have to be done, then there's two things I would look at it, how I would look at it. Number one, First is, let's start with the good. So the first thing is, no, we are in a partnership. You should not carry everything by yourself.
- Speaker #1
Okay.
- Speaker #0
So one, the scripture talks about, you know, casting your care upon the Lord. He cares for you.
- Speaker #1
Absolutely.
- Speaker #0
So you're only meant to carry so much. The second thing is that God will not give you more than you can bear. And so you are well equipped to do it. And so you may be feeling overwhelmed. Oh my gosh, this is too much. I felt like that this past week.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
But I'm in the right place. at the right time and you got to believe in yourself you have to believe in the god in you that greater is he that is in you the people that's in the world i'm even kind of getting committed now because above my office sits the one in you is greater and so when you start feeling inadequate or overwhelmed or like the walls are caving in remember the god in you is greater you can absolutely mother those children and carry those children and and navigate the laundry and schedules and the soccer and all these things that are flying at you, plus the insurance and everything. Whoa,
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
God's got you.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
So I want to breathe that into you that you are well able. God told David, you are well able to pursue and overcome that giant in front of you.
- Speaker #1
I love that. I love that start. So first of all, making sure you're anchored in your faith.
- Speaker #0
Anchored in truth. Like, don't say I can't do this. And one of the things we've shifted, it's like, I'm not saying I'm tired. Now I'm full of energy. I'm full of life. I can do this. Have a great week. I'm not stressed out. So instead of saying I'm stressed and oh my, because we're feeding the negativity, Satan wants you to feed negative. He wants you to feel negative and slow and bad and are unstressed and hair falling out and pop, And the kids crying and the babies and something from the scene who, who left when someone's back something, can you find this? I can't find it. Right. And it's just going, And we have to pause, slow down. Father, let me receive your grace.
- Speaker #1
Right.
- Speaker #0
Your grace is sufficient for me.
- Speaker #1
Right. So you'll hear a lot about mindset and affirmations. Like those worldly terms are really thrown around a lot lately.
- Speaker #0
They are.
- Speaker #1
But ultimately, if we're Christians and we believe in the Lord, like that ultimately comes from him and what he says about us. And like you said, that should be number one.
- Speaker #0
Yeah.
- Speaker #1
That should be something that you're doing. You're checking in with the Lord. You're praying. We just had our last episode all about prayer. But those things need to be established in your life first and foremost, or ultimately everything. I mean, not to be negative, but it will fail if it's not anchored in the Lord, right? If we're building it in and of ourselves, on our own strength, on worldly principles, it's not going to be long lasting. Yeah,
- Speaker #0
what's that song? The wise men build his house upon the rock and the rains came tumbling down. And when the, no, the foolish men. Yeah. Foolish men on the sand, wise men on the rock. Let's get it right, Correll.
- Speaker #1
So ultimately we got to start there. And like you said, Knowing the scripture, what the Lord says, building yourself up from that, because to have the Lord's mindset, what he is saying about you is totally different than when you're getting overwhelmed and all of those negative things you just said. So that's a great place to start. A lot of times with the emotional load, women feel like it's something that goes unnoticed. So it's kind of like a silent thing that they're dealing with because the husband has no clue what's going on. And it's like they don't care to know. And so a lot of times that'll bring about like resentment, like he doesn't even care about all these things that I'm carrying. And so that is brought in the mix that would start to create like that division or a crack in the relationship. And so we need to tackle that as well.
- Speaker #0
It's, and I hear that, but it's also, it's two sides. It really is. And the husband or the dude typically isn't going to just come out and voice those frustrations or even voice. what's on the inside of him it's not natural to us typically yeah but he's got to said he may feel i know i felt she doesn't understand what i'm going through yeah as a husband as a as a as as a man who feels like i got to provide for my family yeah you know you're stressed with work and bills and money and i'm going to make sure my my kids are taken care of and and their future and work and projects and the stresses of that and and layoffs and and raises and all these things. And so he, he probably won't internalize that. So the scripture says in Galatians six and two, Galatians six and two to carry one another's burdens. So it's coming together.
- Speaker #1
Yes.
- Speaker #0
And having a plan and coming together and talking through, um, because you're right. She's going to feel resented and resentment. If she feels like he doesn't care about what I'm going through. Now, I might not vocalize it, but internally, I'm feeling resentment and not appreciated or validated because she has no idea. I'm working hard. I'm working 60 hours a week or 50 hours a week to make sure that she's like this. The kids are in school and tuition or da-da-da, what they need. And I'm paying for the registrations and what else is going, trips and uniforms and all this other stuff. Where's that going? And so it's coming together and really walking through and saying, first of all, what's our vision? Where are we going? How are we getting there? And then walking there together. In order for us to get to level B, it's going to take steps A, A1, A2, A3, B.
- Speaker #1
Gotcha.
- Speaker #0
I don't know where that came from, but I started saying one, two, three, four. But, you know, we have, and you've come together and said, hey, I need to talk with you. That was a point of friction. I'm not someone who likes to have these detailed conversations. Sometimes I feel like you're throwing information at me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And so we have to have conversations of when's the best time to approach you. We got to have these conversations. And so.
- Speaker #1
how would you approach that when the guy's like not on board right and i know we've talked about this before where if if i would come and say let's have a meeting right every week that kind of shakes you up seven meetings today i'm in the corporate world and i deal with meetings all day i'm not looking for another meeting not really excited to have a meeting with my wife just to be completely transparent and honest yeah right but it is important to come together I would say at least on a weekly basis to have, we typically call it like a check-in. So you can phrase it however you'd like, but really a time where you can sit down together and talk through things. So if you have a spouse that, like you said, isn't really on board with that, I think it's a first step would be to really make that angle of what the point of that check-in is. So, you know,
- Speaker #0
what's in it for them. Okay. How can I give you the buy-in? Here's what you will get after out of this. I won't bother you. I won't say anything the entire week.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
I need five minutes every Sunday at 630. So before kickoff and anything else, can you give me five minutes? Let's run through the week. Billy's got an orthodontist thing and Sarah's got this and that and the other. Can you pick her up? Can we do this? Okay. One more thing, let's run through this. Insurance is about to renew. Are we getting a different one? Are we going to stay with this person? Okay, great. Do you want me to do that? Or do you want to do that? Okay. And then, okay, is there anything you want me to say? And so instead of blaming, it would be, well, I would love to hear.
- Speaker #1
Correct.
- Speaker #0
I'd really love to hear what's on your heart and how we can move forward or accomplish something or what you're dreaming about.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
And if he's like, I don't remember about anything. Okay, well, then I know what I need to go to the Lord with. God, give him vision. God, you know, plant something in him. And then, okay, well, how can I encourage you to get something?
- Speaker #1
Right. So ultimately, like bringing it about as, hey, can we sit down and just chat a couple minutes every week so that, you know, we're not just talking when something's wrong or it's something that.
- Speaker #0
about the kids or logistics or something like that i need some money right come on guys instead of always asking me for money like we're talking and it's not always about you gotta write a swipe a card but you know bills do or things like that so i i would love to sit down and just chat once
- Speaker #1
a week so that we can stay connected and that we both know what's going on in each other's world and our household together. So it's, it's. Not correction. It's not a time to bring up something that, you know, you're hurt about. This is a time to really protect your marriage and protect your lives together as a team.
- Speaker #0
So we mentioned the corporate world, but let's kind of align it where sometimes our families are in disarray because we don't have structure. And so we need, when have we ever had a family meeting? Let's go on the same page. We're going in different directions. We're in silos. Someone's in their room on their phone. Someone's in their room, door closed. Someone's downstairs in the kitchen. The baby's in the kitchen by himself with tablet. So let's get out of our silos. Let's all come together. We're having a meeting. We're having devotion. We're going to read scriptures together. We're going to spend 15 minutes, and we're going to do this together. Right. And we're bringing alignment.
- Speaker #1
Because what do we even have our marriage for or our family for if we're not there for a purpose? What is our purpose? What are we working towards? What do we want to accomplish? Where is God leading us to? What is he bringing us through? And what is he doing with us together? Because there's a reason that we're married. There's a reason that we're a family. I'm not alone anymore. I'm not single anymore, just doing my own thing. So we need to have time to talk about it and set vision and set. the next steps of what we're doing. Otherwise, you're just kind of floating along.
- Speaker #0
And gentlemen, if you don't give your kids vision, they'll get one from somewhere. And so we got to set vision and set structure and set purpose. Here's why you were born. Here's what you are supposed to do.
- Speaker #1
Absolutely.
- Speaker #0
Here's how you're supposed to think. Here's why you're supposed to respond to these situations and to these set of people and how to think about this. Right. So
- Speaker #1
I will say not to cut you off, but those are some of the greatest conversations that we've had with our kids when we do family devotions and we sit down and we realize what, what are they really thinking about? Or if we throw a situation at them and we read scripture together and we see like, Okay. What would you do in that situation? You wouldn't typically have those conversations, just, you know, eating out to dinner together, or, you know, like you said, watching TV, you're not going to have those deeper conversations unless you plan for that and purposely point those out to your kids. So those have been some of the greatest, I would say, conversations that we've had with. You mentioned,
- Speaker #0
you mentioned, you said, unless you plan for it.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
So we've, you'll, you'll hear this theme in every podcast almost is about being intent. You have to have intent. There's got to be a plan and structure to your relationship. Otherwise, it won't come up. You will come and you'll have a planner and you will write things down. And we were talking earlier today, 2028, you're like, that seems so far away. You're like, how many days, you know, that device that we all say, but I won't say, I won't set it off. But you were like, how many days until, I think it was December, whatever, 2028. It was like. Yeah, 27 is like 600-something days.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
But we're already thinking and planning and planting seeds about our 2027, 2028 schedules.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
And so why? Why do that? It's to give us vision. It's to give us goals to work towards. It is to be in alignment and say, okay, here's what we're thinking. Here's what we're seeing. Here's what we're expecting to come to pass. And that only comes through talking and through communicating. And guys, I want to encourage you. and lift you up and build you up that your family craves this. They desire and long for to hear you speak. And so be strong and be encouraged to know that when you speak, it does matter. And when you say something, it does hold weight. And you might not think it. It's a deception. The enemy wants to make you feel like nothing you say matters so that you stay silent. But I want to breathe life into you. And say, don't be silent. Continue to lift your voice and let it be heard in your relationship, in your family. And you'll be glad you did. And you will see them follow.
- Speaker #1
I love that. And back to the marriage meeting, check-in, however you want to phrase it. We call it a marriage check-in. It's in our planner as well, our relationship vision planner.
- Speaker #0
But it happens in it.
- Speaker #1
Right. That's what I was getting to. What does that actually look like? You mentioned it a little bit before, but it just gives you a time. to really sit down and connect really quick. So you can open up in prayer. You can say something that you appreciate about each other, something simple. How are you doing this week? Anything that went wrong last week that we need to correct or get back on the right path. But there is a spot in the planner that I use. I write it down every single week because as the wife, like we mentioned before, if you are carrying more of those like mental tasks or like keeping up with appointments and schoolwork and all of that thing. I usually like jot it down in that space so that when we do have our quick check-in, I can just run through it really quickly. And it's not at a time when you're getting ready for a next work meeting or something like that. So this is a specified time where he can listen. We can make sure we're on the same page calendar-wise, schedule-wise. It's not like a huge problem-solving marathon or it's not some ambush conversation. about to deal with something that, you know, I can't stand anymore. Right. But just something like a quick check-in and let each other know, okay, we're on the same page. We got it. Kids are staying home on Friday. You got it. You know, who needs to deal with the car's oil change, that type of thing. So that's what it practically looks like for us. Do you have anything to add in terms of how that kind of flows for us?
- Speaker #0
I know we're coming against time. I would just say, again, sometimes you may feel like you can handle it all. And. Sometimes it may take a raised hand of humility to say, you know what? I can't.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
Nor should I handle it all. Because honestly, some dudes will be like, you got it. Then you got it. I'm out. You know? So don't try to be superwoman all the time.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
You know, sharing those tasks. I'll say this. We'll give it another practical example. This morning I came downstairs and Jen decided to do something sweet. Typically on Saturdays, I'll do breakfast. And... Again, it's been a busy week. I've got a busy week coming up next week. And so I smell like egg coming through. I'm like, oh, it smells good. It's wonderful. And I'll come downstairs and. There's sausage and it's kind of coming through. And then she's like, I'm trying to do over easy eggs and it wouldn't get together. And she just like broke down over the stove. And so God bless her. Like she's not in her element and she's trying to do something that she really isn't the greatest. That is not her. It's not your strong point, but you're trying to be a champ trying to help out. But you got overwhelmed because it wasn't something that you do. And sometimes that can be for any of us, male or female. We're in something and we're really not supposed to be doing this job. And we're getting frustrated and we're really just emotional because it's not, you need me. Okay. So I just like, just give me the dangling pan. Right. And just like, none of the attitude, but it's like, this is not for you. Just let me, I got it.
- Speaker #1
Okay.
- Speaker #0
So support one another, lean on one another, have your strengths. And where you're not strong, I am. And where I'm not strong, you are. And let's come together. Let's work together and walk together so that you're not an emotional overload. I'm not feeling stressed out. But together, through the grace of God, we're walking towards our purpose.
- Speaker #1
Yes, that is the ultimate goal, to be aligned and connected, to be able to support each other and know what needs to be supported. You're not going to know that just by yourself all the time. And so these check-ins. Really what it gives you is consistency. So there is a chance for you to kind of speak your mind a little bit, like make sure, you know, I feel like, okay, I got that covered because Terrell knows about that now. Or I feel like a burden is lifted because at least, you know, what's going on. At least we've talked about it and it's not so heavy on me. So the check-in really gives you that consistency. It takes away the guessing, takes away the assumptions. So. We found it to be very helpful in our relationship. We know it will be very helpful in yours as well.
- Speaker #0
So get a marriage check-in at least, you're saying, once a week?
- Speaker #1
Once a week is great. I know sometimes if you're traveling, you know, it might not be every single week at the same day, same time. But it is important to get that check-in weekly.
- Speaker #0
How long?
- Speaker #1
I like to say 20 minutes. You like to say that's too long. You know, once you get talking, I think 20 minutes is really nothing. But just a quick 15, 20 minute check-in.
- Speaker #0
I would just go in saying five minutes is going to go longer, but don't say I need to take 30 minutes of your time. It's probably going to shut down. So a meeting or a check-in at least once a week for about 10 to 15 minutes, we're going to say, and just to come together, talk about the week last week and then the week that's coming up.
- Speaker #1
Yep. Make sure everybody's on the same page. everybody's needs are getting met, good to go.
- Speaker #0
This is a checklist or what kind of, what happens in this?
- Speaker #1
So in our planner, the Relationship Vision Planner, it is mapped out every single week as part of the weekly format. So there's some questions below the week, the days of the week. And so you can use those questions that are already written out for you if you want to get the planner and start doing that and incorporating that every single week. We've already put it there for you. And so you can use those to check in with each other. There's some space to write as well. And then if you're using the planner as the actual planner, you already have the calendar there to kind of map out, make sure you can see that vision. I'm a visual person, so I need to see the whole month like laid out and see how it's going to work. And so that's just there for you, incorporated, ready to go. If you don't have it and you still want to start it and see if it makes a difference in your marriage, I would just encourage you to use like a notepad and kind of use those questions as, you know, kind of a basis. If you're the one that has stuff to bring to the meeting, I personally would be keeping track of that throughout the week so that you don't forget anything important, which is what I do. But you can use a notebook if you don't have our planner yet. That's what I would encourage.
- Speaker #0
Yeah. So the Relationship Vision Planner, go to okivacompany.com. I'll put links in the show notes and in the description below on YouTube. It's a great source and great resource. I hope you last week pray it and this week plan it. um and then if you don't have the planner just yet kind of what does it look like we have a free kind of starter it's called the five 20-minute connection guide which literally kind of is a 20-minute marriage check-in we just talked about that'll kind of get you started as like a little template yes teaser taster appetizer of what the whole 12-month planner would do so i'll again i'll put that don't worry about it it's in the show notes it's in the description click on that that points free. Give it a little trowel run, and you'll be glad you did. Thank you so much for listening. Remember, hit a thumbs up, hit a like, comment below, let us know your thoughts, some of the things that you've found the most struggles with or what blows up your meeting, and then maybe some tips for the other listeners. We greatly appreciate it. Remember, we are here for you. We're praying for you, and God's got his best for you. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. And remember, wisdom builds the house.
