59 | Going Beyond Words! It&#x27;s What You&#x27;re NOT Saying!

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Speaker #0
What did you just say? Have you ever heard that before? Maybe what's getting you into trouble isn't what you say, but what you're not saying. Today's episode is all about nonverbal communication. The importance of making sure your tone, facial expressions, and hand gestures match the message you're trying to send over to your partner. Let's dive into it right now on the Home Behaving Podcast. It is so good to see you today. We are so delighted to have you join us for the Home to Heaven podcast. Welcome everyone. Come on in, take a seat, get a sip of the good juice. Water.
Speaker #1
Talking about water.
Speaker #0
Yeah, water. and let's have a wonderful discussion today. We are Terrell and Jen Turner, and this is your home for faith-filled content to help you communicate in your relationship. If you get anything from today's topic, don't forget, please don't forget, it's a two-second exercise. Click the thumbs up, click subscribe, and that will help the YouTube algorithm go a long way. And if you're listening on the podcast platforms on your personal device, rate us rate us rate us give us five stars that'll help the acronym as well send us a review it's your part you can do it we know you can i believe in you right now i believe you can do it all right so all right bringing the energy i like it well you have to bring the energy bring it on you have to have
Speaker #1
to go for it which i can already see your body language is you know portraying that if you're watching us on youtube you can see it as well you can but today what does my body language say you know more upbeat not as, you know, sleepy or tired. okay and so today we're going to talk all about those non-verbal language that happens in our communication in our relationship so it's so important beyond the words yeah let's go beyond the words you
Speaker #0
know we have we did an episode like it is what you say it is what you think right because words you know you got to be careful of what you are saying so pay attention because people will say it's not what you say it's how you say it the tone
Speaker #1
and it is actually what you say those words that you're saying do matter do make a difference and will steer the conversation in a certain way so we're talking about what you're not saying yes you know
Speaker #0
90 of communication is what you're not saying it's non-verbal so everything that you're communicating a majority of that think about that right the conversation that we have you 90% of that is not the words you're saying.
Speaker #1
Which is kind of wild because if your words aren't matching your body language, people might say, you know, not think you're genuine. Or are they really meaning what they're saying? Because all the other things are not matching up to it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, it's body language. it is your eyes.
Speaker #1
Yep, eye contact is a huge one.
Speaker #0
The scripture says the light of the body is in the eyes, right? So it's not even eye contact. It's beyond that. Okay, I like that. Is the light in your eye? Are you looking at me? I was thinking about this, you know, because I'll hear, you know, the way she looks at him. I just love the way she looks at me. Do you still look at me the way you did when you first met me? you know, you know, when someone is into somebody, basically look right. True. Yeah. So do I still see that looking in your eye for me or do I see contempt? Do I see, you know, even some hatred? Right.
Speaker #1
Do you see that spark in the person's eye when they're talking to you or are they excited? You can see that in somebody's facial expression, no matter what they're saying, the words that are coming out of their mouths, but do they have that spark or like you said, sometimes. some people's eyes just like they don't have any life into it.
Speaker #0
Or not looking at me at all, making not direct contact. Pursed lips. The wrinkles in the forehead. Of course, tone. is it sarcastic? Is it genuine? Is it condescending? Is it uplifting? Is it judgmental? Yep. Your sitting posture, are you laid back? Are you upright and engaged? Are you scrolling the phone while she's trying to talk to you or he's trying to talk to you? Yep. You know, ladies, are we more into our phones and the scroll? then we are a man. Right. You know, that's, that's nonverbal. So it's, even though we're not having a conversation, I felt this way. I've, I've seen you. We've been, we'll be in the bed. I don't think I've told you this. We'll be in the bed and he'll be scrolling and scrolling. Almost like, man, she's not talking to me or, you know, Shane. she ain't pushed my buttons all week long. You know, she's over there, you know, caressing her iPhone 14. I wish I was an iPhone, right? And we're not talking, but all this is in my head. But it's nonverbal communications. It's things that you're saying that I'm hearing, but you're not saying.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think it's important just to be aware of it because a lot of times, like in that certain situation, that wasn't even crossing my mind at that moment of, of those actions portraying something to you because I wasn't actively trying to communicate, but in, in essence that is communicating, right? Like, even though I wasn't in a place where I was like ready or trying to have a conversation with you, the things that I was doing was portraying or communicating something to you in that, in that time.
Speaker #0
And just think about that for a moment, right? You're, you're lying right next to me. And so, yes, we're in close proximity to one another. But in the moment, I'm feeling very distant and I'm feeling not close to you at all. And so think about how that is multiplied tenfold in relationships. And you might be listening or watching today and you feel that way. I'm a roommate to my spouse. We're so distant. we don't communicate. And so it might be that you found a fake, but a ungeneric, you know, source as a pacifier. And so you're leaning more on social media or leaning more onto whatever else versus really diving in and getting uncomfortable. and communicating with your partner.
Speaker #1
That's right. And in that specific situation, it just kind of reminded me, if I'm in the bed, scrolling my phone, not really thinking about it, but you're on the other side and you're ready or wanting to kind of talk or make some type of connection and you're not getting that feedback from me, right? You're not getting the cues, the nonverbal cues that you were wanting. And if you don't speak up in that moment, verbally, but say you may, you know, roll over on your side. So your back's facing me because you're kind of, kind of over it. You know, that even unconsciously is kind of telling me like, you're ready to go to sleep or, you know, you're not interested in anything else. So then it kind of bounces back and forth. My nonverbal cues are, you know, might be leading you to do something.
Speaker #0
That might be intentional. It might be unintentional. but we are communicating things that we're not saying. And we're talking, but we're not talking. And so nonverbal communication is very, very key. It plays a huge, huge... part into every aspect of our relationships. And I think even that little small example of, you know, maybe he's watching the late night ball game. You're, you know, you are, maybe, maybe you came down and you were like, uh, sprayed some perfume, nonverbal communication. I hope he gets the message. Let me try to, you know.
Speaker #1
Light a candle.
Speaker #0
Light a candle. And he's just.
Speaker #1
Zoned in.
Speaker #0
Zoned into the playoffs or zoned into his Xbox or Grand Theft Auto. Right. Right. Nonverbal communication. And so. You have to put the two together. And sometimes you need to go ahead and have some verbal communication.
Speaker #1
Right, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Because of nonverbal. And then now you're offended. Now you're upset. So now you're giving the cold shoulder. He's like, what's going on? Oh, nothing. What's wrong? Nothing. And then three days later. Yeah, I remember three, you know, Monday I was, I came downstairs and I had, I sprayed my new body spray. Okay. Yeah. And I was, you know, I was trying to, you didn't get the hint. What hint?
Speaker #1
and so it's just it's this lack of communication we're not on the same page another good one is crossing your arms so if somebody approaches you with a conversation and you immediately i do that though cross your arms like right now yeah i do that so
Speaker #0
when i cross my arms it doesn't mean i'm upset i'm upset usually crossing my arms means i'm just trying to be comfortable sometimes me kind of feeling you know self-preservation but it's just you This is Terrell.
Speaker #1
And it's a natural like pose, I guess. Cause for me, I remember people bringing that up, but I was usually like cold. So I'm like trying to like warm myself up. Like I'm not angry. I'm not mad, you know, but your nonverbal actions, I guess I could say might be portraying something that you're not meaning to portray. So you're not trying to look disengaged. You're not trying to look angry, but the verbal cues that somebody might be filtering through might. get a different message, you know, and sometimes even when we're busy, I'm like doing stuff around the house and I know you're trying to talk to me. I might say, you know, keep going. I'm listening. You know, I know in that moment, I'm not, I didn't stop. I'm not facing you. My, I don't have eye contact. And so I have to verbally say, I am still listening because you might not be getting that from me any other way. And it probably isn't the best way to listen, but in those busy situations, that's sometimes how it, how it happens.
Speaker #0
It's gotta be intentional.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I say, let me, let me stop. I am aware of what I'm doing. I need to stop. and give my honor, my partner, and give them my full attention.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
That's another method of communicating. Right. Another nonverbal is like, let's say, you're having a conversation underneath the conversation.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So you are, like tonight, you are fixing dinner, and you go above and beyond and add some, a whole nother. special sample for me because I don't eat a lot of the spice and I have a special diet that I have to adhere to so you're doing all that and so you might be thinking in your mind I'm doing this for him and you know he needs to appreciate me this is a conversation you're having in your right it's a conversation being at the conversation and then let's say something happens well I cook for you and I do this for you it's going on this checklist and I may I went to the store, right? I wasn't aware of all this stuff. So it's a conversation that I was not a part of that now you're bringing me over into this world that I'm just now being made aware of. So that's also nonverbal communication that we need to be aware of and be cognizant of and making sure that, number one, we're casting down evil imaginations. And if their thoughts are becoming negative, that we're allowing God in his presence. filter those out so that I'm not giving way to envy or resentment or hurt or disappointment.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And then other nonverbal communication can be, you know, simple touches. So like I might touch your leg under the table, you know, it doesn't have to be something negative, right? Your nonverbal communication can be positive or be working towards showing the other person love.
Speaker #0
Wow.
Speaker #1
so yeah smile um grabbing your hand although i know you you don't like that as much as i do but that's a just a quick that's just a quick way which i will say it's what's what it's kind of weird not weird but maybe
Speaker #0
we need to talk talk through that okay because i read the uh just don't hopefully you don't forget your thought i read the first you we did a recap of our first date.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And I read... my journal entry that I put in for that day. And I wrote in the journal, I held her hand. And I just remember like, you know, just the nervousness and the giddy feeling you have. And I don't know if it's like now, cause my hands are just so massive that it's weird. Right.
Speaker #1
Cause not then 10 years later is what you're saying, right? This is what I'm hearing you say is that 10 years ago, you wanted to hold my hand. It was like a special thing. to hold my hand. It was like a next step to hold my hand. And then 10 years later down the road, it doesn't get, it doesn't do anything for you. It's weird when I grab your hand in the mall while we're walking and you're just like, what are you doing? Um, so it's totally different, right? But anyway, um, physical touch, just a simple, you know, hug or grab. obviously is a type that I appreciate a lot as a nonverbal way of communication as well. Yeah. That can go a long way, again, in a positive way, or it could be negative. Like if I, you know, give you a bump or shove you out of the way.
Speaker #0
Size. breaths. Those are non-verbals.
Speaker #1
Which goes with a little bit with facial expressions, like giving you some weird look, like what are you talking about? Or sometimes you'll just have this blank look on your face. Like you have no idea what I'm saying. And that's kind of like, like I'm like, what, what's happening right now?
Speaker #0
Smells. Okay. Those are non-verbal communications. Okay. So, and perfumes.
Speaker #1
non-verbals or if you choose not to shower it's probably right you know if you're not putting that care in that's a non-verbal way of communicating that you just don't care right now
Speaker #0
If you have any ideas about other nonverbals, if we're missing some of these, please let us know if we left some out. But nonverbal communication is very, very important. And so you want to be aware of what is the message that I'm giving to my partner that I haven't physically said. what am I saying through my actions, through my thoughts, through my, you know, lifestyle, through my, you know, demeanor, what am I saying? What am I giving off? Am I being inviting? Am I being loving? Am I demonstrating care and concern through my nonverbals? Right. In addition to my words, am I showing honor to my spouse through my nonverbals? you know, it's a good check mark to know so that when you do have verbal communication, it's in line and it's easier to communicate. It's easier even when there's difficult conversations to be made. You know, you're creating an atmosphere to have those conversations, to have those talks, a safe space. a peaceful atmosphere. Absolutely. You know, that haven, that's what we're all about here.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And like you said, I really like that, that you can show honor and you can show respect through all of those nonverbal ways of communication without your words. And then making sure that what you are trying to portray is a match. So those nonverbal communication things that you're doing is a match to what you want to put out there. And then that it also is in alignment with the words that you're speaking, the actual... verbal communication that you're also having with your spouse.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just hear the word affirming. so let's affirm one another through our verbal communication. Let's also affirm one another through our nonverbal communication, our facial expressions, our sense, you know, pick this thing up. Don't let it die. No, don't just, it's another day. It's another Tuesday. It's so easy. I get it. Yes, it is. I'm guilty. We're all guilty of the rat race of the rigmarole, the bills. the social media, the kids, the responsibilities, the chores. I get it. But it's those little foxes the scripture says that spoil the vine. And remember, the enemy hates marriage. He hates your relationship. So he's doing everything he can to destroy and tear that down. So we have to be vigilant. Because our adversary, he goes about looking for the ones he can devour. So we have to be aware. right? So let's be very, very mindful to affirm one another through our communication.
Speaker #1
Amen. And that goes right along with our home prayer guide. So if you do not have that yet, definitely get that too.
Speaker #0
Get it today.
Speaker #1
It's a freebie and it will give you some prayers, some foundational scriptures to read through and really set that atmosphere of your home, which goes right along with all those nonverbal cues that you're giving. your spouse and your home as well. So you can grab that and get those prayers for your home.
Speaker #0
You know, the old saying, but it is so, so very true. The family that prays together stays together. So we put together this 10 page guide. It's beautiful. It's a color PDF. that you can put on your iPad or your phone, or if you are old school or not old school, you just want a hand copy. You can print it out. And again, it's going to give you six prayers. You can play over six categories of your life, of your home. You have the reference, you have the verse. the sample pray can pray you can expand upon that but if you don't really know like I don't know where to start or how do I pray for my home how do I pray for my spouse or what is it to say I don't even know a verse you know we got you covered we got you alright so the description is in the the link is in the description It's also in the show notes. Oh, simple, simple, simple. I got you. Oakhaven.com, oakhavencompany.com, oakhavencompany.com slash guide. That's oakhavencompany.com slash guide. Take it right there. Again, 15, 20 seconds. name, email address. We'll send it right to you. You will love it. I guarantee you no one's gotten this and so we hate it. It'll be an amazing asset to your life, to your family. Again, it is creating a peaceful atmosphere. If something gets heated, hey, you know what?
Speaker #1
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Let's pray. Come on. I'm not getting it right now, Lord. We invite your presence into this room, right? you have the power to change the atmosphere of your home. You don't have to settle for any negativity. God's design for your life is enjoy life and see good days.
Speaker #1
Amen. So go ahead and get that today if you don't have it yet. Today. Or if you've already gotten it before.
Speaker #0
Give it to somebody else.
Speaker #1
You're remembering, hey, I need to put that into practice. Yeah. Get it again. If you still need the link, grab it again and start using it, putting it into practice today. it will make a huge difference in your home.
Speaker #0
So let's pray for you, Father. We pray for those who are watching and listening. We just speak the blessing over their relationships, that they will continue to grow and honor you. Let these relationships honor you. If there's been misunderstanding, if there's been lack of trust, if there's been whatever in these relationships, may you bring peace and restoration so that your perfect will will be accomplished in their lives. In Jesus'name, amen. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for watching. Remember to like and subscribe. Get the download. We'll see you next week. And remember that wisdom builds the house. God bless.
Speaker #2
Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

As a Christian couple, we know firsthand the challenges and blessings of marriage. Whether you're seeking Christian marriage advice, considering Christian coaching, or simply looking for biblical wisdom to strengthen communication in your relationship, this podcast is for you.

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

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Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

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About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

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Transcription

Speaker #0
What did you just say? Have you ever heard that before? Maybe what's getting you into trouble isn't what you say, but what you're not saying. Today's episode is all about nonverbal communication. The importance of making sure your tone, facial expressions, and hand gestures match the message you're trying to send over to your partner. Let's dive into it right now on the Home Behaving Podcast. It is so good to see you today. We are so delighted to have you join us for the Home to Heaven podcast. Welcome everyone. Come on in, take a seat, get a sip of the good juice. Water.
Speaker #1
Talking about water.
Speaker #0
Yeah, water. and let's have a wonderful discussion today. We are Terrell and Jen Turner, and this is your home for faith-filled content to help you communicate in your relationship. If you get anything from today's topic, don't forget, please don't forget, it's a two-second exercise. Click the thumbs up, click subscribe, and that will help the YouTube algorithm go a long way. And if you're listening on the podcast platforms on your personal device, rate us rate us rate us give us five stars that'll help the acronym as well send us a review it's your part you can do it we know you can i believe in you right now i believe you can do it all right so all right bringing the energy i like it well you have to bring the energy bring it on you have to have
Speaker #1
to go for it which i can already see your body language is you know portraying that if you're watching us on youtube you can see it as well you can but today what does my body language say you know more upbeat not as, you know, sleepy or tired. okay and so today we're going to talk all about those non-verbal language that happens in our communication in our relationship so it's so important beyond the words yeah let's go beyond the words you
Speaker #0
know we have we did an episode like it is what you say it is what you think right because words you know you got to be careful of what you are saying so pay attention because people will say it's not what you say it's how you say it the tone
Speaker #1
and it is actually what you say those words that you're saying do matter do make a difference and will steer the conversation in a certain way so we're talking about what you're not saying yes you know
Speaker #0
90 of communication is what you're not saying it's non-verbal so everything that you're communicating a majority of that think about that right the conversation that we have you 90% of that is not the words you're saying.
Speaker #1
Which is kind of wild because if your words aren't matching your body language, people might say, you know, not think you're genuine. Or are they really meaning what they're saying? Because all the other things are not matching up to it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, it's body language. it is your eyes.
Speaker #1
Yep, eye contact is a huge one.
Speaker #0
The scripture says the light of the body is in the eyes, right? So it's not even eye contact. It's beyond that. Okay, I like that. Is the light in your eye? Are you looking at me? I was thinking about this, you know, because I'll hear, you know, the way she looks at him. I just love the way she looks at me. Do you still look at me the way you did when you first met me? you know, you know, when someone is into somebody, basically look right. True. Yeah. So do I still see that looking in your eye for me or do I see contempt? Do I see, you know, even some hatred? Right.
Speaker #1
Do you see that spark in the person's eye when they're talking to you or are they excited? You can see that in somebody's facial expression, no matter what they're saying, the words that are coming out of their mouths, but do they have that spark or like you said, sometimes. some people's eyes just like they don't have any life into it.
Speaker #0
Or not looking at me at all, making not direct contact. Pursed lips. The wrinkles in the forehead. Of course, tone. is it sarcastic? Is it genuine? Is it condescending? Is it uplifting? Is it judgmental? Yep. Your sitting posture, are you laid back? Are you upright and engaged? Are you scrolling the phone while she's trying to talk to you or he's trying to talk to you? Yep. You know, ladies, are we more into our phones and the scroll? then we are a man. Right. You know, that's, that's nonverbal. So it's, even though we're not having a conversation, I felt this way. I've, I've seen you. We've been, we'll be in the bed. I don't think I've told you this. We'll be in the bed and he'll be scrolling and scrolling. Almost like, man, she's not talking to me or, you know, Shane. she ain't pushed my buttons all week long. You know, she's over there, you know, caressing her iPhone 14. I wish I was an iPhone, right? And we're not talking, but all this is in my head. But it's nonverbal communications. It's things that you're saying that I'm hearing, but you're not saying.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think it's important just to be aware of it because a lot of times, like in that certain situation, that wasn't even crossing my mind at that moment of, of those actions portraying something to you because I wasn't actively trying to communicate, but in, in essence that is communicating, right? Like, even though I wasn't in a place where I was like ready or trying to have a conversation with you, the things that I was doing was portraying or communicating something to you in that, in that time.
Speaker #0
And just think about that for a moment, right? You're, you're lying right next to me. And so, yes, we're in close proximity to one another. But in the moment, I'm feeling very distant and I'm feeling not close to you at all. And so think about how that is multiplied tenfold in relationships. And you might be listening or watching today and you feel that way. I'm a roommate to my spouse. We're so distant. we don't communicate. And so it might be that you found a fake, but a ungeneric, you know, source as a pacifier. And so you're leaning more on social media or leaning more onto whatever else versus really diving in and getting uncomfortable. and communicating with your partner.
Speaker #1
That's right. And in that specific situation, it just kind of reminded me, if I'm in the bed, scrolling my phone, not really thinking about it, but you're on the other side and you're ready or wanting to kind of talk or make some type of connection and you're not getting that feedback from me, right? You're not getting the cues, the nonverbal cues that you were wanting. And if you don't speak up in that moment, verbally, but say you may, you know, roll over on your side. So your back's facing me because you're kind of, kind of over it. You know, that even unconsciously is kind of telling me like, you're ready to go to sleep or, you know, you're not interested in anything else. So then it kind of bounces back and forth. My nonverbal cues are, you know, might be leading you to do something.
Speaker #0
That might be intentional. It might be unintentional. but we are communicating things that we're not saying. And we're talking, but we're not talking. And so nonverbal communication is very, very key. It plays a huge, huge... part into every aspect of our relationships. And I think even that little small example of, you know, maybe he's watching the late night ball game. You're, you know, you are, maybe, maybe you came down and you were like, uh, sprayed some perfume, nonverbal communication. I hope he gets the message. Let me try to, you know.
Speaker #1
Light a candle.
Speaker #0
Light a candle. And he's just.
Speaker #1
Zoned in.
Speaker #0
Zoned into the playoffs or zoned into his Xbox or Grand Theft Auto. Right. Right. Nonverbal communication. And so. You have to put the two together. And sometimes you need to go ahead and have some verbal communication.
Speaker #1
Right, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Because of nonverbal. And then now you're offended. Now you're upset. So now you're giving the cold shoulder. He's like, what's going on? Oh, nothing. What's wrong? Nothing. And then three days later. Yeah, I remember three, you know, Monday I was, I came downstairs and I had, I sprayed my new body spray. Okay. Yeah. And I was, you know, I was trying to, you didn't get the hint. What hint?
Speaker #1
and so it's just it's this lack of communication we're not on the same page another good one is crossing your arms so if somebody approaches you with a conversation and you immediately i do that though cross your arms like right now yeah i do that so
Speaker #0
when i cross my arms it doesn't mean i'm upset i'm upset usually crossing my arms means i'm just trying to be comfortable sometimes me kind of feeling you know self-preservation but it's just you This is Terrell.
Speaker #1
And it's a natural like pose, I guess. Cause for me, I remember people bringing that up, but I was usually like cold. So I'm like trying to like warm myself up. Like I'm not angry. I'm not mad, you know, but your nonverbal actions, I guess I could say might be portraying something that you're not meaning to portray. So you're not trying to look disengaged. You're not trying to look angry, but the verbal cues that somebody might be filtering through might. get a different message, you know, and sometimes even when we're busy, I'm like doing stuff around the house and I know you're trying to talk to me. I might say, you know, keep going. I'm listening. You know, I know in that moment, I'm not, I didn't stop. I'm not facing you. My, I don't have eye contact. And so I have to verbally say, I am still listening because you might not be getting that from me any other way. And it probably isn't the best way to listen, but in those busy situations, that's sometimes how it, how it happens.
Speaker #0
It's gotta be intentional.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I say, let me, let me stop. I am aware of what I'm doing. I need to stop. and give my honor, my partner, and give them my full attention.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
That's another method of communicating. Right. Another nonverbal is like, let's say, you're having a conversation underneath the conversation.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So you are, like tonight, you are fixing dinner, and you go above and beyond and add some, a whole nother. special sample for me because I don't eat a lot of the spice and I have a special diet that I have to adhere to so you're doing all that and so you might be thinking in your mind I'm doing this for him and you know he needs to appreciate me this is a conversation you're having in your right it's a conversation being at the conversation and then let's say something happens well I cook for you and I do this for you it's going on this checklist and I may I went to the store, right? I wasn't aware of all this stuff. So it's a conversation that I was not a part of that now you're bringing me over into this world that I'm just now being made aware of. So that's also nonverbal communication that we need to be aware of and be cognizant of and making sure that, number one, we're casting down evil imaginations. And if their thoughts are becoming negative, that we're allowing God in his presence. filter those out so that I'm not giving way to envy or resentment or hurt or disappointment.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And then other nonverbal communication can be, you know, simple touches. So like I might touch your leg under the table, you know, it doesn't have to be something negative, right? Your nonverbal communication can be positive or be working towards showing the other person love.
Speaker #0
Wow.
Speaker #1
so yeah smile um grabbing your hand although i know you you don't like that as much as i do but that's a just a quick that's just a quick way which i will say it's what's what it's kind of weird not weird but maybe
Speaker #0
we need to talk talk through that okay because i read the uh just don't hopefully you don't forget your thought i read the first you we did a recap of our first date.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And I read... my journal entry that I put in for that day. And I wrote in the journal, I held her hand. And I just remember like, you know, just the nervousness and the giddy feeling you have. And I don't know if it's like now, cause my hands are just so massive that it's weird. Right.
Speaker #1
Cause not then 10 years later is what you're saying, right? This is what I'm hearing you say is that 10 years ago, you wanted to hold my hand. It was like a special thing. to hold my hand. It was like a next step to hold my hand. And then 10 years later down the road, it doesn't get, it doesn't do anything for you. It's weird when I grab your hand in the mall while we're walking and you're just like, what are you doing? Um, so it's totally different, right? But anyway, um, physical touch, just a simple, you know, hug or grab. obviously is a type that I appreciate a lot as a nonverbal way of communication as well. Yeah. That can go a long way, again, in a positive way, or it could be negative. Like if I, you know, give you a bump or shove you out of the way.
Speaker #0
Size. breaths. Those are non-verbals.
Speaker #1
Which goes with a little bit with facial expressions, like giving you some weird look, like what are you talking about? Or sometimes you'll just have this blank look on your face. Like you have no idea what I'm saying. And that's kind of like, like I'm like, what, what's happening right now?
Speaker #0
Smells. Okay. Those are non-verbal communications. Okay. So, and perfumes.
Speaker #1
non-verbals or if you choose not to shower it's probably right you know if you're not putting that care in that's a non-verbal way of communicating that you just don't care right now
Speaker #0
If you have any ideas about other nonverbals, if we're missing some of these, please let us know if we left some out. But nonverbal communication is very, very important. And so you want to be aware of what is the message that I'm giving to my partner that I haven't physically said. what am I saying through my actions, through my thoughts, through my, you know, lifestyle, through my, you know, demeanor, what am I saying? What am I giving off? Am I being inviting? Am I being loving? Am I demonstrating care and concern through my nonverbals? Right. In addition to my words, am I showing honor to my spouse through my nonverbals? you know, it's a good check mark to know so that when you do have verbal communication, it's in line and it's easier to communicate. It's easier even when there's difficult conversations to be made. You know, you're creating an atmosphere to have those conversations, to have those talks, a safe space. a peaceful atmosphere. Absolutely. You know, that haven, that's what we're all about here.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And like you said, I really like that, that you can show honor and you can show respect through all of those nonverbal ways of communication without your words. And then making sure that what you are trying to portray is a match. So those nonverbal communication things that you're doing is a match to what you want to put out there. And then that it also is in alignment with the words that you're speaking, the actual... verbal communication that you're also having with your spouse.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just hear the word affirming. so let's affirm one another through our verbal communication. Let's also affirm one another through our nonverbal communication, our facial expressions, our sense, you know, pick this thing up. Don't let it die. No, don't just, it's another day. It's another Tuesday. It's so easy. I get it. Yes, it is. I'm guilty. We're all guilty of the rat race of the rigmarole, the bills. the social media, the kids, the responsibilities, the chores. I get it. But it's those little foxes the scripture says that spoil the vine. And remember, the enemy hates marriage. He hates your relationship. So he's doing everything he can to destroy and tear that down. So we have to be vigilant. Because our adversary, he goes about looking for the ones he can devour. So we have to be aware. right? So let's be very, very mindful to affirm one another through our communication.
Speaker #1
Amen. And that goes right along with our home prayer guide. So if you do not have that yet, definitely get that too.
Speaker #0
Get it today.
Speaker #1
It's a freebie and it will give you some prayers, some foundational scriptures to read through and really set that atmosphere of your home, which goes right along with all those nonverbal cues that you're giving. your spouse and your home as well. So you can grab that and get those prayers for your home.
Speaker #0
You know, the old saying, but it is so, so very true. The family that prays together stays together. So we put together this 10 page guide. It's beautiful. It's a color PDF. that you can put on your iPad or your phone, or if you are old school or not old school, you just want a hand copy. You can print it out. And again, it's going to give you six prayers. You can play over six categories of your life, of your home. You have the reference, you have the verse. the sample pray can pray you can expand upon that but if you don't really know like I don't know where to start or how do I pray for my home how do I pray for my spouse or what is it to say I don't even know a verse you know we got you covered we got you alright so the description is in the the link is in the description It's also in the show notes. Oh, simple, simple, simple. I got you. Oakhaven.com, oakhavencompany.com, oakhavencompany.com slash guide. That's oakhavencompany.com slash guide. Take it right there. Again, 15, 20 seconds. name, email address. We'll send it right to you. You will love it. I guarantee you no one's gotten this and so we hate it. It'll be an amazing asset to your life, to your family. Again, it is creating a peaceful atmosphere. If something gets heated, hey, you know what?
Speaker #1
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Let's pray. Come on. I'm not getting it right now, Lord. We invite your presence into this room, right? you have the power to change the atmosphere of your home. You don't have to settle for any negativity. God's design for your life is enjoy life and see good days.
Speaker #1
Amen. So go ahead and get that today if you don't have it yet. Today. Or if you've already gotten it before.
Speaker #0
Give it to somebody else.
Speaker #1
You're remembering, hey, I need to put that into practice. Yeah. Get it again. If you still need the link, grab it again and start using it, putting it into practice today. it will make a huge difference in your home.
Speaker #0
So let's pray for you, Father. We pray for those who are watching and listening. We just speak the blessing over their relationships, that they will continue to grow and honor you. Let these relationships honor you. If there's been misunderstanding, if there's been lack of trust, if there's been whatever in these relationships, may you bring peace and restoration so that your perfect will will be accomplished in their lives. In Jesus'name, amen. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for watching. Remember to like and subscribe. Get the download. We'll see you next week. And remember that wisdom builds the house. God bless.
Speaker #2
Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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Transcription

Speaker #0
What did you just say? Have you ever heard that before? Maybe what's getting you into trouble isn't what you say, but what you're not saying. Today's episode is all about nonverbal communication. The importance of making sure your tone, facial expressions, and hand gestures match the message you're trying to send over to your partner. Let's dive into it right now on the Home Behaving Podcast. It is so good to see you today. We are so delighted to have you join us for the Home to Heaven podcast. Welcome everyone. Come on in, take a seat, get a sip of the good juice. Water.
Speaker #1
Talking about water.
Speaker #0
Yeah, water. and let's have a wonderful discussion today. We are Terrell and Jen Turner, and this is your home for faith-filled content to help you communicate in your relationship. If you get anything from today's topic, don't forget, please don't forget, it's a two-second exercise. Click the thumbs up, click subscribe, and that will help the YouTube algorithm go a long way. And if you're listening on the podcast platforms on your personal device, rate us rate us rate us give us five stars that'll help the acronym as well send us a review it's your part you can do it we know you can i believe in you right now i believe you can do it all right so all right bringing the energy i like it well you have to bring the energy bring it on you have to have
Speaker #1
to go for it which i can already see your body language is you know portraying that if you're watching us on youtube you can see it as well you can but today what does my body language say you know more upbeat not as, you know, sleepy or tired. okay and so today we're going to talk all about those non-verbal language that happens in our communication in our relationship so it's so important beyond the words yeah let's go beyond the words you
Speaker #0
know we have we did an episode like it is what you say it is what you think right because words you know you got to be careful of what you are saying so pay attention because people will say it's not what you say it's how you say it the tone
Speaker #1
and it is actually what you say those words that you're saying do matter do make a difference and will steer the conversation in a certain way so we're talking about what you're not saying yes you know
Speaker #0
90 of communication is what you're not saying it's non-verbal so everything that you're communicating a majority of that think about that right the conversation that we have you 90% of that is not the words you're saying.
Speaker #1
Which is kind of wild because if your words aren't matching your body language, people might say, you know, not think you're genuine. Or are they really meaning what they're saying? Because all the other things are not matching up to it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, it's body language. it is your eyes.
Speaker #1
Yep, eye contact is a huge one.
Speaker #0
The scripture says the light of the body is in the eyes, right? So it's not even eye contact. It's beyond that. Okay, I like that. Is the light in your eye? Are you looking at me? I was thinking about this, you know, because I'll hear, you know, the way she looks at him. I just love the way she looks at me. Do you still look at me the way you did when you first met me? you know, you know, when someone is into somebody, basically look right. True. Yeah. So do I still see that looking in your eye for me or do I see contempt? Do I see, you know, even some hatred? Right.
Speaker #1
Do you see that spark in the person's eye when they're talking to you or are they excited? You can see that in somebody's facial expression, no matter what they're saying, the words that are coming out of their mouths, but do they have that spark or like you said, sometimes. some people's eyes just like they don't have any life into it.
Speaker #0
Or not looking at me at all, making not direct contact. Pursed lips. The wrinkles in the forehead. Of course, tone. is it sarcastic? Is it genuine? Is it condescending? Is it uplifting? Is it judgmental? Yep. Your sitting posture, are you laid back? Are you upright and engaged? Are you scrolling the phone while she's trying to talk to you or he's trying to talk to you? Yep. You know, ladies, are we more into our phones and the scroll? then we are a man. Right. You know, that's, that's nonverbal. So it's, even though we're not having a conversation, I felt this way. I've, I've seen you. We've been, we'll be in the bed. I don't think I've told you this. We'll be in the bed and he'll be scrolling and scrolling. Almost like, man, she's not talking to me or, you know, Shane. she ain't pushed my buttons all week long. You know, she's over there, you know, caressing her iPhone 14. I wish I was an iPhone, right? And we're not talking, but all this is in my head. But it's nonverbal communications. It's things that you're saying that I'm hearing, but you're not saying.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think it's important just to be aware of it because a lot of times, like in that certain situation, that wasn't even crossing my mind at that moment of, of those actions portraying something to you because I wasn't actively trying to communicate, but in, in essence that is communicating, right? Like, even though I wasn't in a place where I was like ready or trying to have a conversation with you, the things that I was doing was portraying or communicating something to you in that, in that time.
Speaker #0
And just think about that for a moment, right? You're, you're lying right next to me. And so, yes, we're in close proximity to one another. But in the moment, I'm feeling very distant and I'm feeling not close to you at all. And so think about how that is multiplied tenfold in relationships. And you might be listening or watching today and you feel that way. I'm a roommate to my spouse. We're so distant. we don't communicate. And so it might be that you found a fake, but a ungeneric, you know, source as a pacifier. And so you're leaning more on social media or leaning more onto whatever else versus really diving in and getting uncomfortable. and communicating with your partner.
Speaker #1
That's right. And in that specific situation, it just kind of reminded me, if I'm in the bed, scrolling my phone, not really thinking about it, but you're on the other side and you're ready or wanting to kind of talk or make some type of connection and you're not getting that feedback from me, right? You're not getting the cues, the nonverbal cues that you were wanting. And if you don't speak up in that moment, verbally, but say you may, you know, roll over on your side. So your back's facing me because you're kind of, kind of over it. You know, that even unconsciously is kind of telling me like, you're ready to go to sleep or, you know, you're not interested in anything else. So then it kind of bounces back and forth. My nonverbal cues are, you know, might be leading you to do something.
Speaker #0
That might be intentional. It might be unintentional. but we are communicating things that we're not saying. And we're talking, but we're not talking. And so nonverbal communication is very, very key. It plays a huge, huge... part into every aspect of our relationships. And I think even that little small example of, you know, maybe he's watching the late night ball game. You're, you know, you are, maybe, maybe you came down and you were like, uh, sprayed some perfume, nonverbal communication. I hope he gets the message. Let me try to, you know.
Speaker #1
Light a candle.
Speaker #0
Light a candle. And he's just.
Speaker #1
Zoned in.
Speaker #0
Zoned into the playoffs or zoned into his Xbox or Grand Theft Auto. Right. Right. Nonverbal communication. And so. You have to put the two together. And sometimes you need to go ahead and have some verbal communication.
Speaker #1
Right, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Because of nonverbal. And then now you're offended. Now you're upset. So now you're giving the cold shoulder. He's like, what's going on? Oh, nothing. What's wrong? Nothing. And then three days later. Yeah, I remember three, you know, Monday I was, I came downstairs and I had, I sprayed my new body spray. Okay. Yeah. And I was, you know, I was trying to, you didn't get the hint. What hint?
Speaker #1
and so it's just it's this lack of communication we're not on the same page another good one is crossing your arms so if somebody approaches you with a conversation and you immediately i do that though cross your arms like right now yeah i do that so
Speaker #0
when i cross my arms it doesn't mean i'm upset i'm upset usually crossing my arms means i'm just trying to be comfortable sometimes me kind of feeling you know self-preservation but it's just you This is Terrell.
Speaker #1
And it's a natural like pose, I guess. Cause for me, I remember people bringing that up, but I was usually like cold. So I'm like trying to like warm myself up. Like I'm not angry. I'm not mad, you know, but your nonverbal actions, I guess I could say might be portraying something that you're not meaning to portray. So you're not trying to look disengaged. You're not trying to look angry, but the verbal cues that somebody might be filtering through might. get a different message, you know, and sometimes even when we're busy, I'm like doing stuff around the house and I know you're trying to talk to me. I might say, you know, keep going. I'm listening. You know, I know in that moment, I'm not, I didn't stop. I'm not facing you. My, I don't have eye contact. And so I have to verbally say, I am still listening because you might not be getting that from me any other way. And it probably isn't the best way to listen, but in those busy situations, that's sometimes how it, how it happens.
Speaker #0
It's gotta be intentional.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I say, let me, let me stop. I am aware of what I'm doing. I need to stop. and give my honor, my partner, and give them my full attention.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
That's another method of communicating. Right. Another nonverbal is like, let's say, you're having a conversation underneath the conversation.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So you are, like tonight, you are fixing dinner, and you go above and beyond and add some, a whole nother. special sample for me because I don't eat a lot of the spice and I have a special diet that I have to adhere to so you're doing all that and so you might be thinking in your mind I'm doing this for him and you know he needs to appreciate me this is a conversation you're having in your right it's a conversation being at the conversation and then let's say something happens well I cook for you and I do this for you it's going on this checklist and I may I went to the store, right? I wasn't aware of all this stuff. So it's a conversation that I was not a part of that now you're bringing me over into this world that I'm just now being made aware of. So that's also nonverbal communication that we need to be aware of and be cognizant of and making sure that, number one, we're casting down evil imaginations. And if their thoughts are becoming negative, that we're allowing God in his presence. filter those out so that I'm not giving way to envy or resentment or hurt or disappointment.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And then other nonverbal communication can be, you know, simple touches. So like I might touch your leg under the table, you know, it doesn't have to be something negative, right? Your nonverbal communication can be positive or be working towards showing the other person love.
Speaker #0
Wow.
Speaker #1
so yeah smile um grabbing your hand although i know you you don't like that as much as i do but that's a just a quick that's just a quick way which i will say it's what's what it's kind of weird not weird but maybe
Speaker #0
we need to talk talk through that okay because i read the uh just don't hopefully you don't forget your thought i read the first you we did a recap of our first date.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And I read... my journal entry that I put in for that day. And I wrote in the journal, I held her hand. And I just remember like, you know, just the nervousness and the giddy feeling you have. And I don't know if it's like now, cause my hands are just so massive that it's weird. Right.
Speaker #1
Cause not then 10 years later is what you're saying, right? This is what I'm hearing you say is that 10 years ago, you wanted to hold my hand. It was like a special thing. to hold my hand. It was like a next step to hold my hand. And then 10 years later down the road, it doesn't get, it doesn't do anything for you. It's weird when I grab your hand in the mall while we're walking and you're just like, what are you doing? Um, so it's totally different, right? But anyway, um, physical touch, just a simple, you know, hug or grab. obviously is a type that I appreciate a lot as a nonverbal way of communication as well. Yeah. That can go a long way, again, in a positive way, or it could be negative. Like if I, you know, give you a bump or shove you out of the way.
Speaker #0
Size. breaths. Those are non-verbals.
Speaker #1
Which goes with a little bit with facial expressions, like giving you some weird look, like what are you talking about? Or sometimes you'll just have this blank look on your face. Like you have no idea what I'm saying. And that's kind of like, like I'm like, what, what's happening right now?
Speaker #0
Smells. Okay. Those are non-verbal communications. Okay. So, and perfumes.
Speaker #1
non-verbals or if you choose not to shower it's probably right you know if you're not putting that care in that's a non-verbal way of communicating that you just don't care right now
Speaker #0
If you have any ideas about other nonverbals, if we're missing some of these, please let us know if we left some out. But nonverbal communication is very, very important. And so you want to be aware of what is the message that I'm giving to my partner that I haven't physically said. what am I saying through my actions, through my thoughts, through my, you know, lifestyle, through my, you know, demeanor, what am I saying? What am I giving off? Am I being inviting? Am I being loving? Am I demonstrating care and concern through my nonverbals? Right. In addition to my words, am I showing honor to my spouse through my nonverbals? you know, it's a good check mark to know so that when you do have verbal communication, it's in line and it's easier to communicate. It's easier even when there's difficult conversations to be made. You know, you're creating an atmosphere to have those conversations, to have those talks, a safe space. a peaceful atmosphere. Absolutely. You know, that haven, that's what we're all about here.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And like you said, I really like that, that you can show honor and you can show respect through all of those nonverbal ways of communication without your words. And then making sure that what you are trying to portray is a match. So those nonverbal communication things that you're doing is a match to what you want to put out there. And then that it also is in alignment with the words that you're speaking, the actual... verbal communication that you're also having with your spouse.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just hear the word affirming. so let's affirm one another through our verbal communication. Let's also affirm one another through our nonverbal communication, our facial expressions, our sense, you know, pick this thing up. Don't let it die. No, don't just, it's another day. It's another Tuesday. It's so easy. I get it. Yes, it is. I'm guilty. We're all guilty of the rat race of the rigmarole, the bills. the social media, the kids, the responsibilities, the chores. I get it. But it's those little foxes the scripture says that spoil the vine. And remember, the enemy hates marriage. He hates your relationship. So he's doing everything he can to destroy and tear that down. So we have to be vigilant. Because our adversary, he goes about looking for the ones he can devour. So we have to be aware. right? So let's be very, very mindful to affirm one another through our communication.
Speaker #1
Amen. And that goes right along with our home prayer guide. So if you do not have that yet, definitely get that too.
Speaker #0
Get it today.
Speaker #1
It's a freebie and it will give you some prayers, some foundational scriptures to read through and really set that atmosphere of your home, which goes right along with all those nonverbal cues that you're giving. your spouse and your home as well. So you can grab that and get those prayers for your home.
Speaker #0
You know, the old saying, but it is so, so very true. The family that prays together stays together. So we put together this 10 page guide. It's beautiful. It's a color PDF. that you can put on your iPad or your phone, or if you are old school or not old school, you just want a hand copy. You can print it out. And again, it's going to give you six prayers. You can play over six categories of your life, of your home. You have the reference, you have the verse. the sample pray can pray you can expand upon that but if you don't really know like I don't know where to start or how do I pray for my home how do I pray for my spouse or what is it to say I don't even know a verse you know we got you covered we got you alright so the description is in the the link is in the description It's also in the show notes. Oh, simple, simple, simple. I got you. Oakhaven.com, oakhavencompany.com, oakhavencompany.com slash guide. That's oakhavencompany.com slash guide. Take it right there. Again, 15, 20 seconds. name, email address. We'll send it right to you. You will love it. I guarantee you no one's gotten this and so we hate it. It'll be an amazing asset to your life, to your family. Again, it is creating a peaceful atmosphere. If something gets heated, hey, you know what?
Speaker #1
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Let's pray. Come on. I'm not getting it right now, Lord. We invite your presence into this room, right? you have the power to change the atmosphere of your home. You don't have to settle for any negativity. God's design for your life is enjoy life and see good days.
Speaker #1
Amen. So go ahead and get that today if you don't have it yet. Today. Or if you've already gotten it before.
Speaker #0
Give it to somebody else.
Speaker #1
You're remembering, hey, I need to put that into practice. Yeah. Get it again. If you still need the link, grab it again and start using it, putting it into practice today. it will make a huge difference in your home.
Speaker #0
So let's pray for you, Father. We pray for those who are watching and listening. We just speak the blessing over their relationships, that they will continue to grow and honor you. Let these relationships honor you. If there's been misunderstanding, if there's been lack of trust, if there's been whatever in these relationships, may you bring peace and restoration so that your perfect will will be accomplished in their lives. In Jesus'name, amen. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for watching. Remember to like and subscribe. Get the download. We'll see you next week. And remember that wisdom builds the house. God bless.
Speaker #2
Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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Transcription

Speaker #0
What did you just say? Have you ever heard that before? Maybe what's getting you into trouble isn't what you say, but what you're not saying. Today's episode is all about nonverbal communication. The importance of making sure your tone, facial expressions, and hand gestures match the message you're trying to send over to your partner. Let's dive into it right now on the Home Behaving Podcast. It is so good to see you today. We are so delighted to have you join us for the Home to Heaven podcast. Welcome everyone. Come on in, take a seat, get a sip of the good juice. Water.
Speaker #1
Talking about water.
Speaker #0
Yeah, water. and let's have a wonderful discussion today. We are Terrell and Jen Turner, and this is your home for faith-filled content to help you communicate in your relationship. If you get anything from today's topic, don't forget, please don't forget, it's a two-second exercise. Click the thumbs up, click subscribe, and that will help the YouTube algorithm go a long way. And if you're listening on the podcast platforms on your personal device, rate us rate us rate us give us five stars that'll help the acronym as well send us a review it's your part you can do it we know you can i believe in you right now i believe you can do it all right so all right bringing the energy i like it well you have to bring the energy bring it on you have to have
Speaker #1
to go for it which i can already see your body language is you know portraying that if you're watching us on youtube you can see it as well you can but today what does my body language say you know more upbeat not as, you know, sleepy or tired. okay and so today we're going to talk all about those non-verbal language that happens in our communication in our relationship so it's so important beyond the words yeah let's go beyond the words you
Speaker #0
know we have we did an episode like it is what you say it is what you think right because words you know you got to be careful of what you are saying so pay attention because people will say it's not what you say it's how you say it the tone
Speaker #1
and it is actually what you say those words that you're saying do matter do make a difference and will steer the conversation in a certain way so we're talking about what you're not saying yes you know
Speaker #0
90 of communication is what you're not saying it's non-verbal so everything that you're communicating a majority of that think about that right the conversation that we have you 90% of that is not the words you're saying.
Speaker #1
Which is kind of wild because if your words aren't matching your body language, people might say, you know, not think you're genuine. Or are they really meaning what they're saying? Because all the other things are not matching up to it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, it's body language. it is your eyes.
Speaker #1
Yep, eye contact is a huge one.
Speaker #0
The scripture says the light of the body is in the eyes, right? So it's not even eye contact. It's beyond that. Okay, I like that. Is the light in your eye? Are you looking at me? I was thinking about this, you know, because I'll hear, you know, the way she looks at him. I just love the way she looks at me. Do you still look at me the way you did when you first met me? you know, you know, when someone is into somebody, basically look right. True. Yeah. So do I still see that looking in your eye for me or do I see contempt? Do I see, you know, even some hatred? Right.
Speaker #1
Do you see that spark in the person's eye when they're talking to you or are they excited? You can see that in somebody's facial expression, no matter what they're saying, the words that are coming out of their mouths, but do they have that spark or like you said, sometimes. some people's eyes just like they don't have any life into it.
Speaker #0
Or not looking at me at all, making not direct contact. Pursed lips. The wrinkles in the forehead. Of course, tone. is it sarcastic? Is it genuine? Is it condescending? Is it uplifting? Is it judgmental? Yep. Your sitting posture, are you laid back? Are you upright and engaged? Are you scrolling the phone while she's trying to talk to you or he's trying to talk to you? Yep. You know, ladies, are we more into our phones and the scroll? then we are a man. Right. You know, that's, that's nonverbal. So it's, even though we're not having a conversation, I felt this way. I've, I've seen you. We've been, we'll be in the bed. I don't think I've told you this. We'll be in the bed and he'll be scrolling and scrolling. Almost like, man, she's not talking to me or, you know, Shane. she ain't pushed my buttons all week long. You know, she's over there, you know, caressing her iPhone 14. I wish I was an iPhone, right? And we're not talking, but all this is in my head. But it's nonverbal communications. It's things that you're saying that I'm hearing, but you're not saying.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think it's important just to be aware of it because a lot of times, like in that certain situation, that wasn't even crossing my mind at that moment of, of those actions portraying something to you because I wasn't actively trying to communicate, but in, in essence that is communicating, right? Like, even though I wasn't in a place where I was like ready or trying to have a conversation with you, the things that I was doing was portraying or communicating something to you in that, in that time.
Speaker #0
And just think about that for a moment, right? You're, you're lying right next to me. And so, yes, we're in close proximity to one another. But in the moment, I'm feeling very distant and I'm feeling not close to you at all. And so think about how that is multiplied tenfold in relationships. And you might be listening or watching today and you feel that way. I'm a roommate to my spouse. We're so distant. we don't communicate. And so it might be that you found a fake, but a ungeneric, you know, source as a pacifier. And so you're leaning more on social media or leaning more onto whatever else versus really diving in and getting uncomfortable. and communicating with your partner.
Speaker #1
That's right. And in that specific situation, it just kind of reminded me, if I'm in the bed, scrolling my phone, not really thinking about it, but you're on the other side and you're ready or wanting to kind of talk or make some type of connection and you're not getting that feedback from me, right? You're not getting the cues, the nonverbal cues that you were wanting. And if you don't speak up in that moment, verbally, but say you may, you know, roll over on your side. So your back's facing me because you're kind of, kind of over it. You know, that even unconsciously is kind of telling me like, you're ready to go to sleep or, you know, you're not interested in anything else. So then it kind of bounces back and forth. My nonverbal cues are, you know, might be leading you to do something.
Speaker #0
That might be intentional. It might be unintentional. but we are communicating things that we're not saying. And we're talking, but we're not talking. And so nonverbal communication is very, very key. It plays a huge, huge... part into every aspect of our relationships. And I think even that little small example of, you know, maybe he's watching the late night ball game. You're, you know, you are, maybe, maybe you came down and you were like, uh, sprayed some perfume, nonverbal communication. I hope he gets the message. Let me try to, you know.
Speaker #1
Light a candle.
Speaker #0
Light a candle. And he's just.
Speaker #1
Zoned in.
Speaker #0
Zoned into the playoffs or zoned into his Xbox or Grand Theft Auto. Right. Right. Nonverbal communication. And so. You have to put the two together. And sometimes you need to go ahead and have some verbal communication.
Speaker #1
Right, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Because of nonverbal. And then now you're offended. Now you're upset. So now you're giving the cold shoulder. He's like, what's going on? Oh, nothing. What's wrong? Nothing. And then three days later. Yeah, I remember three, you know, Monday I was, I came downstairs and I had, I sprayed my new body spray. Okay. Yeah. And I was, you know, I was trying to, you didn't get the hint. What hint?
Speaker #1
and so it's just it's this lack of communication we're not on the same page another good one is crossing your arms so if somebody approaches you with a conversation and you immediately i do that though cross your arms like right now yeah i do that so
Speaker #0
when i cross my arms it doesn't mean i'm upset i'm upset usually crossing my arms means i'm just trying to be comfortable sometimes me kind of feeling you know self-preservation but it's just you This is Terrell.
Speaker #1
And it's a natural like pose, I guess. Cause for me, I remember people bringing that up, but I was usually like cold. So I'm like trying to like warm myself up. Like I'm not angry. I'm not mad, you know, but your nonverbal actions, I guess I could say might be portraying something that you're not meaning to portray. So you're not trying to look disengaged. You're not trying to look angry, but the verbal cues that somebody might be filtering through might. get a different message, you know, and sometimes even when we're busy, I'm like doing stuff around the house and I know you're trying to talk to me. I might say, you know, keep going. I'm listening. You know, I know in that moment, I'm not, I didn't stop. I'm not facing you. My, I don't have eye contact. And so I have to verbally say, I am still listening because you might not be getting that from me any other way. And it probably isn't the best way to listen, but in those busy situations, that's sometimes how it, how it happens.
Speaker #0
It's gotta be intentional.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I say, let me, let me stop. I am aware of what I'm doing. I need to stop. and give my honor, my partner, and give them my full attention.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
That's another method of communicating. Right. Another nonverbal is like, let's say, you're having a conversation underneath the conversation.
Speaker #1
Okay.
Speaker #0
So you are, like tonight, you are fixing dinner, and you go above and beyond and add some, a whole nother. special sample for me because I don't eat a lot of the spice and I have a special diet that I have to adhere to so you're doing all that and so you might be thinking in your mind I'm doing this for him and you know he needs to appreciate me this is a conversation you're having in your right it's a conversation being at the conversation and then let's say something happens well I cook for you and I do this for you it's going on this checklist and I may I went to the store, right? I wasn't aware of all this stuff. So it's a conversation that I was not a part of that now you're bringing me over into this world that I'm just now being made aware of. So that's also nonverbal communication that we need to be aware of and be cognizant of and making sure that, number one, we're casting down evil imaginations. And if their thoughts are becoming negative, that we're allowing God in his presence. filter those out so that I'm not giving way to envy or resentment or hurt or disappointment.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And then other nonverbal communication can be, you know, simple touches. So like I might touch your leg under the table, you know, it doesn't have to be something negative, right? Your nonverbal communication can be positive or be working towards showing the other person love.
Speaker #0
Wow.
Speaker #1
so yeah smile um grabbing your hand although i know you you don't like that as much as i do but that's a just a quick that's just a quick way which i will say it's what's what it's kind of weird not weird but maybe
Speaker #0
we need to talk talk through that okay because i read the uh just don't hopefully you don't forget your thought i read the first you we did a recap of our first date.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And I read... my journal entry that I put in for that day. And I wrote in the journal, I held her hand. And I just remember like, you know, just the nervousness and the giddy feeling you have. And I don't know if it's like now, cause my hands are just so massive that it's weird. Right.
Speaker #1
Cause not then 10 years later is what you're saying, right? This is what I'm hearing you say is that 10 years ago, you wanted to hold my hand. It was like a special thing. to hold my hand. It was like a next step to hold my hand. And then 10 years later down the road, it doesn't get, it doesn't do anything for you. It's weird when I grab your hand in the mall while we're walking and you're just like, what are you doing? Um, so it's totally different, right? But anyway, um, physical touch, just a simple, you know, hug or grab. obviously is a type that I appreciate a lot as a nonverbal way of communication as well. Yeah. That can go a long way, again, in a positive way, or it could be negative. Like if I, you know, give you a bump or shove you out of the way.
Speaker #0
Size. breaths. Those are non-verbals.
Speaker #1
Which goes with a little bit with facial expressions, like giving you some weird look, like what are you talking about? Or sometimes you'll just have this blank look on your face. Like you have no idea what I'm saying. And that's kind of like, like I'm like, what, what's happening right now?
Speaker #0
Smells. Okay. Those are non-verbal communications. Okay. So, and perfumes.
Speaker #1
non-verbals or if you choose not to shower it's probably right you know if you're not putting that care in that's a non-verbal way of communicating that you just don't care right now
Speaker #0
If you have any ideas about other nonverbals, if we're missing some of these, please let us know if we left some out. But nonverbal communication is very, very important. And so you want to be aware of what is the message that I'm giving to my partner that I haven't physically said. what am I saying through my actions, through my thoughts, through my, you know, lifestyle, through my, you know, demeanor, what am I saying? What am I giving off? Am I being inviting? Am I being loving? Am I demonstrating care and concern through my nonverbals? Right. In addition to my words, am I showing honor to my spouse through my nonverbals? you know, it's a good check mark to know so that when you do have verbal communication, it's in line and it's easier to communicate. It's easier even when there's difficult conversations to be made. You know, you're creating an atmosphere to have those conversations, to have those talks, a safe space. a peaceful atmosphere. Absolutely. You know, that haven, that's what we're all about here.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And like you said, I really like that, that you can show honor and you can show respect through all of those nonverbal ways of communication without your words. And then making sure that what you are trying to portray is a match. So those nonverbal communication things that you're doing is a match to what you want to put out there. And then that it also is in alignment with the words that you're speaking, the actual... verbal communication that you're also having with your spouse.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just hear the word affirming. so let's affirm one another through our verbal communication. Let's also affirm one another through our nonverbal communication, our facial expressions, our sense, you know, pick this thing up. Don't let it die. No, don't just, it's another day. It's another Tuesday. It's so easy. I get it. Yes, it is. I'm guilty. We're all guilty of the rat race of the rigmarole, the bills. the social media, the kids, the responsibilities, the chores. I get it. But it's those little foxes the scripture says that spoil the vine. And remember, the enemy hates marriage. He hates your relationship. So he's doing everything he can to destroy and tear that down. So we have to be vigilant. Because our adversary, he goes about looking for the ones he can devour. So we have to be aware. right? So let's be very, very mindful to affirm one another through our communication.
Speaker #1
Amen. And that goes right along with our home prayer guide. So if you do not have that yet, definitely get that too.
Speaker #0
Get it today.
Speaker #1
It's a freebie and it will give you some prayers, some foundational scriptures to read through and really set that atmosphere of your home, which goes right along with all those nonverbal cues that you're giving. your spouse and your home as well. So you can grab that and get those prayers for your home.
Speaker #0
You know, the old saying, but it is so, so very true. The family that prays together stays together. So we put together this 10 page guide. It's beautiful. It's a color PDF. that you can put on your iPad or your phone, or if you are old school or not old school, you just want a hand copy. You can print it out. And again, it's going to give you six prayers. You can play over six categories of your life, of your home. You have the reference, you have the verse. the sample pray can pray you can expand upon that but if you don't really know like I don't know where to start or how do I pray for my home how do I pray for my spouse or what is it to say I don't even know a verse you know we got you covered we got you alright so the description is in the the link is in the description It's also in the show notes. Oh, simple, simple, simple. I got you. Oakhaven.com, oakhavencompany.com, oakhavencompany.com slash guide. That's oakhavencompany.com slash guide. Take it right there. Again, 15, 20 seconds. name, email address. We'll send it right to you. You will love it. I guarantee you no one's gotten this and so we hate it. It'll be an amazing asset to your life, to your family. Again, it is creating a peaceful atmosphere. If something gets heated, hey, you know what?
Speaker #1
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker #0
Let's pray. Come on. I'm not getting it right now, Lord. We invite your presence into this room, right? you have the power to change the atmosphere of your home. You don't have to settle for any negativity. God's design for your life is enjoy life and see good days.
Speaker #1
Amen. So go ahead and get that today if you don't have it yet. Today. Or if you've already gotten it before.
Speaker #0
Give it to somebody else.
Speaker #1
You're remembering, hey, I need to put that into practice. Yeah. Get it again. If you still need the link, grab it again and start using it, putting it into practice today. it will make a huge difference in your home.
Speaker #0
So let's pray for you, Father. We pray for those who are watching and listening. We just speak the blessing over their relationships, that they will continue to grow and honor you. Let these relationships honor you. If there's been misunderstanding, if there's been lack of trust, if there's been whatever in these relationships, may you bring peace and restoration so that your perfect will will be accomplished in their lives. In Jesus'name, amen. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for watching. Remember to like and subscribe. Get the download. We'll see you next week. And remember that wisdom builds the house. God bless.
Speaker #2
Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources:

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Home to Haven | A Christian Marriage Podcast for Better Communication

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen and welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Connect and View our Resources: