Transcription

• Speaker #0

  This is what you've got wrong about submission. It's 2024. There's a war going on between the male and the female and relationships and marriage and submit to me. No, you submit to me. No, you get respect. Hey, whoa, it's all wrong. In today's episode, we're gonna break down what submission looks like, what it really is, and what we've got wrong about it. Let's find out together. Stay tuned. Welcome everyone to the Home to Haven podcast. Come on in, grab your coffee, your tea, your Pepsi, your water, whatever it is. Let's have a good time today. We are so grateful you are here. It's going to be a good one. This is your home for faith-filled content that helps you communicate. in your relationship. We are the Turners, and man, what a great day. I'm excited for this one.

• Speaker #1

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  You're excited?

• Speaker #1

  I'm excited.

• Speaker #0

  All right.

• Speaker #1

  Big topic.

• Speaker #0

  It is a big topic, but before we begin, we are wearing the same...

• Speaker #1

  We are. And did we plan that? No. And I was dressed first.

• Speaker #0

  So that's fine.

• Speaker #1

  But you came down. I was like, Hey, you matched me. I think it's, you know, subliminally we're on the same page. We're on the same wavelength. We, we still got it. I think we did that a few times during our dating days and we'd show up and we're like, we're coordinating. And then after we've been married, we plan. sometimes to coordinate at least i like to yes i don't know how much you like it but that's fine it is what it is yeah and uh we include the kids sometimes for fun family photos but everybody does the whole christmas pajama thing right yes that's a big one okay um we've done it a couple times but you know today we're just coordinating if you're watching on youtube you can see That we have the same exact color and it's not even a common color, but hey.

• Speaker #0

  If you're not on YouTube and you're watching or listening to me, you're listening on the podcast, we're wearing a brown maroonish. Rust. Rust, yeah. That's a good way to put it, rust color. Yes. So. let's talk about what we've gotten wrong with submission. I want to ask a question first of all.

• Speaker #1

  Okay.

• Speaker #0

  Of what do you think submission is and what that looks like?

• Speaker #1

  think that's the big question. Like what is submission? Actually, my first thought is a lot of times when you bring up the word submission, it has very negative connotations to it. So it's something that you're not really striving for, like, you know, working towards, but it's almost like, you know, something bad sometimes when people are talking about it. And I don't know where that comes from or why it got switched around, but we are going to talk through what submission actually means versus what is portrayed as or thought about as.

• Speaker #0

  Submission, you know, to boss, pastor, anybody. Right. somebody right well okay let's go ahead and i guess just dive right into it so i've heard many many things about submission um and again if it making your skin crawl just keep don't keep listening keep it locked right hey you submit to me no you submit to me no well i've got to get you got to be somebody i want to submit to you got to give me no respect it's earning this back and forth yep and it's like well well who's going to be the first one to do it who's yeah who's going to break who's going to who's going to yield right um i've heard submission defined as will sub the prefix meaning under right and then submarine um mission so come underneath the mission and you know so let's serve the mission or the greater vision of the house. Okay. That's great. It's still wrong, but that's, that's, that's still great. Okay. Of course we've heard, you know, women submit to your wife, women submit to your husband and submit, submit, submit, submit. That's wrong. So let's talk.

• Speaker #1

  He said that's wrong.

• Speaker #0

  It's wrong, right? And here's what. Let's actually read the scripture and let's see what it says in the book of Ephesians. It says, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of the Lord.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  Right? Then it says in Ephesians 5, you know, wives submit yourself to your own husbands as unto the Lord.

• Speaker #1

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  And so we are leaving out the big part of submission is that. there can be no submission until you are first submitted to God.

• Speaker #1

  Amen.

• Speaker #0

  It is not me submitting to you. It is not you submitting to me. It is my life is submitted to Christ 100% surrendered. And as I submit to him, well, then I'm going to submit to you.

• Speaker #1

  Right. It allows you to be able to submit yourself to someone else. Like you said, it starts with submission unto the Lord, which is a part that people just pass over. So they just get the wife, submit to your husband, and they stop it right there. Whereas you're saying there's another part to the scripture.

• Speaker #0

  It's before that, right? Because the problem is, well, I can't submit to her. I can't submit to him. And who are you? Well. We don't wrestle against flesh and blood. And so, you know, we're looking to it at a surface level and my life has to be submitted to God. You know, when we were, I was single, my prayer was, God, give me a woman who loves you more than she loves me. Because if she loves you, she's gonna love me. If she's submitted to God, if she's following Jesus, then she's going to have no problem submitting to me or following me because I know my relationship with my wife. Right. So that's what my prayer was. And so here is, let's bring it into real life application is that if I am submitted to Jesus, I have a relationship with him. There's no way I can talk to you any kind of way. I don't respect you. And you know, when I'm out in public, you know, don't flirt because I'm afraid of you or I'm submitting. You're just a great woman. Right. Which you are. Exactly. No. Holy Spirit's watching. Right. You're not tracking me. I don't share my location with you because, you know, I'm hand packed or no, I submit to Jesus so that there's no problem. You can check my email anytime because. I live my life as when I was single, I was accountable. So anyone can come to my phone and check it.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, absolutely.

• Speaker #0

  That's the whole point. That's right. So we don't have issues of where's your phone and, you know, what you're telling me what to do. And, you know, you're walking over me or beneath me because we honor God first. Last week you had a flat tire.

• Speaker #1

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  And. I think you said in the episodes ago that my default mechanism is defensiveness. Okay. So when you are blaming,

• Speaker #1

  like, why did you run over that? Like I purposely did it. Okay.

• Speaker #0

  So again, that was my, cause when Jen called. She's like, I ran over a tire. You know, I did not respond immediately. Probably the best way. Did I ask if you were okay?

• Speaker #1

  I don't think so.

• Speaker #0

  Oh, no. So, in my mind, I'm thinking it was no spend September. Right. And I'm like, I know these tires are going to cost like $385. This is going to be an expensive tire. Where are you? Can you make it home? I'm in the middle of a call. You know.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  What's. I'm in the middle of work. Can you roll it down the street?

• Speaker #1

  Why'd you call me?

• Speaker #0

  So, you know, and we were in the kitchen. I'm like, do you like making me upset? Yeah. And so instead of you going, there you go again. But then, you know, who are you? And why can't you just, instead of you firing off that way, you were just like, no, I love you. And that was it. That was the end of the conversation.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  That was it. So your response. Was submission because you're submitted to God. And then the next day, you know, I'm going to pray. You can't, you can't go to God in prayer. And he's not like, Hey, you know what? You really didn't respond to her that the correct way you need to go there. Cause you don't want to, I don't want to say break her, but he was basically saying, you don't want to scar or wound her. Right. So I sent a text like, Hey, you're a great driver. And you know, I'm glad you're okay. Right. what I should have said at the beginning, but you didn't have to say anything to me because I have a relationship with the Lord Jesus. And so that is what makes a marriage. We give you this advice and these coaching because we base everything upon scripture. And the first step is having a relationship with the Lord.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. It has to start there and it ends there. You know, that's like the first and the last. So going back to. looking for a spouse that is loving the Lord more. So I had that same prayer as I was dating too. So I knew, you know, I want a God fearing man, a God loving man. Um, because in all honesty, it makes it easier. I would say to trust and submit to somebody that's following the Lord, because if you ever come to me and ask me to do something or bring up something new, a new plan or anything that you present to me, ultimately. I can trust if you say to me, you know, I got this from the Lord or the Lord is telling me this or the Lord is leading me this way. You know, I would never go against what the Lord's telling me to do. So that in and of itself helps me to submit to you. But whether or not you're doing that or not. That's on me to ultimately treat anybody, especially my spouse, how the Lord wants me to treat them. And so, like you said, that has to start with me being submitted to the Lord, because if I'm not in that position, if I don't have that relationship with the Lord, just us in our natural flesh, you know, we're not going to be able to do those things. And so it ultimately has to start with submitting to the Lord, understanding that the Lord is your Lord. Your savior, he's in control of everything. He has the best plans for you possible. So that's where it has to start before it can even, like you said, get to being able to submit to somebody else.

• Speaker #0

  100%. If you are listening to the episode, drop a comment. If you like what you're hearing so far, make sure you like and subscribe to the video. And let's dive continue. So you said something there that I want to kind of go more in on about this. if I hear it from the Lord, when we say, first of all, before we get married, right? So hopefully you, we talked about the, uh, the whole sharing location. Yep. I think there was a practical example about, let's say for instance, um, I came to you and I said, I think it was like, um, public school. And there your spouse says, I don't want my kids to go to school. I want you to homeschool. And the wife's like, I don't want to stay home. So what do you do? Well, hopefully you guys had that conversation before you got married.

• Speaker #1

  True. Hopefully you're going through all those scenarios, situations,

• Speaker #0

  questions. Every possible thing. Like, okay, dating is fun, but we're not here to have fun.

• Speaker #1

  That's not the whole point.

• Speaker #0

  I'm not here to be like holding hands and being curious. 100%. Get to it.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  This is an interview for a job that lasts a lifetime.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, it's a covenant relationship. This is serious.

• Speaker #0

  And you do the job. Right.

• Speaker #1

  Do I want to be with you when you're doing your job? Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Jennifer and I had these talks. We don't have, we're not a perfect marriage. Right. But we don't have major disagreements because we discussed everything. We asked questions, which if you need some questions, there's 180 of them that we have for you. I'll put the link in the description. We did a whole course, 180 questions to ask your partner before you get married. And if you are married, what a great way to maybe revisit some things and get back into alignment. So we've done the hard work for you. The course is video and there's a 50. page workbook that goes through six categories, everything from spiritual to fun to financial to you name it, it's in there. And you talk through these things and get in agreement.

• Speaker #1

  Right. And if you're already married, it's a great place to go through them again. Like, hey, are we still in alignment? Are we still on the same page or what do we see for our future in all these different categories?

• Speaker #0

  So I'm going to show notes for that's a great resource that you want to get. You also said about. It doesn't matter what he's doing. Correct. And that's huge because we're looking at my spouse's actions. You know, you're not giving me anything to submit to.

• Speaker #1

  He doesn't deserve.

• Speaker #0

  He doesn't deserve.

• Speaker #1

  Deserve it.

• Speaker #0

  Nowhere in the scripture.

• Speaker #1

  I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Because he's acting crazy or.

• Speaker #0

  And even if that's the case, okay, gotcha. Well, there's a verse for you, Miss Ma'am.

• Speaker #1

  Okay.

• Speaker #0

  First Peter three. Okay. Which talks about how, you know, honor your spouse, even that if they're not obeying.

• Speaker #1

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  Jesus, if they're not walking according to the word of God, they are won by your conversation. That word conversation is translated. They're won by your lifestyle. So the way you're treating him, the promises. He can be won over based upon your lifestyle,

• Speaker #1

  the way you're living, the way you're treating him, the words you're speaking to him, the way you set the atmosphere around your relationship will ultimately win over because you're living the way God wants you to, right? You're submitted unto the Lord. So you're able to do those things, whether or not, you know, in the natural, he deserves it or he's acting right. So I will submit now or, you know,

• Speaker #0

  yeah. So, you know, And maybe we save it and table it for another episode. What does that look like in 2024? What do you see in women concerning submission? And why do you say submission? Your face starts twitching. If we put submission on the scroll, people are like, what? You know. Why is that? And what does it look like in 2024? Why is there a struggle? Yeah,

• Speaker #1

  again, submission has like the negative connotation of you're underneath somebody and you have to do whatever they say, no matter what you don't have a submission under. You don't have an opinion. You can't have a dialogue or discussion about anything. It comes across as you have a commander on top and above you. He lays out the commands and you just are the soldier walking through and doing what the commands are. Just in general, in our culture, people have some issues with submission to leadership in general. Sometimes being able to... be under a boss or another type of authority that has authority over them. They want to do what they want to do. It's all about a me, me, me type of culture. So they automatically like, I want to do what I want to do, or I want to do what I think is right versus let me listen to somebody else and be submitted to them, honoring them and respecting what they have to say and what they're asking me to do. So specific examples, do you want to go into that right now?

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. I think we were having a little conversation prior to this, and it was like, there's this umbrella.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. It's taught a lot that there's a big umbrella. So the biggest umbrella would be the Lord. Okay. So God is first and foremost. And then the second umbrella underneath would be the man or the husband in the relationship. And then there's an umbrella under that. Okay. So a smaller umbrella, and that would be the wife. Okay. And then under that would be children if you have a family. Okay. And so there's like a hierarchy. So children are to obey their mother and father. The wife is to obey and do anything the husband says. Okay. And then the husband listens and obeys to the Lord. Okay. Versus understanding that the woman is also under the Lord. Absolutely. Not just solely under the man. Right. You're not going against the Lord's will or what the Bible teaches. If somebody is telling you to do something against what the Bible teaches or what you know,

• Speaker #0

  the Lord's will is,

• Speaker #1

  that's not submission. You're not doing that just because somebody told you that because they're on the umbrella higher than you type of situation. So it's kind of a hierarchy. So in general, women may feel like they're beneath.

• Speaker #0

  And I don't believe that. And I don't believe that. And we don't believe that. And so in no way am I saying submission means you are beneath me and not equal to me. 100% no. And are you supposed to do everything that I say? no that's not what submission looks like submission is an honor and respect again to god first and foremost yes and then allowing him to dictate allowing him to show you how you are to respond to your husband to your wife this is my wife right right so i honor you i value you i respect you and so i'm going to come to you and say what do you think about this right you I'd like to make this decision. I feel we should do this, but what's your input in this?

• Speaker #1

  A hundred percent. And that's a totally different view if you know, okay, he is the leader. He is leading the family. Yes. But it is together, right? You have a voice as the woman, voice as the wife. There is dialogue. There is discussion. And that's... not just blind obedience or blind, I have to do whatever he says, no matter what.

• Speaker #0

  That's not what submission is. And that's not what we are saying. And so again, we're, we're trying to come across the whole point of this episode is that submission in a marriage is submitted to God, right? That's what submission looks like. And then we'll get into. perhaps what it looks like to one to another, but first and foremost, your marriage, I would just encourage you and impress upon you to yield to God, submit it to him. And if you have been separated from him, bring honor to your marriage. Bring it back to God.

• Speaker #1

  Amen.

• Speaker #0

  Bring the foundation back to the word of God because a house divided against itself cannot stand and two cannot walk together unless they are agreed. That's in Amos chapter three and verse three. So allow God to be the center of your marriage where there has been division, where there's been this, hey, I'm not yielding to you because who are you to tell me this? You fix your own food and this crappy attitude. Sorry for my language. That's not pleasing to God. at all on either end, well, all that can stop if we just say, you know what, Lord, you take control.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  Hey, God, are my words pleasing to my husband? Do the words of my husband please you? Do the words of my wife? Is the attitude to my wife pleasing to you? Amen. Let him fix that.

• Speaker #1

  Amen.

• Speaker #0

  Let him deal with you.

• Speaker #1

  Right. Like you said, in prayer, too, he will be speaking to you. If you're treating your wife or your husband a certain way, and it's not the way that he wants, he's going to speak that to you. But like you said, ultimately, it's the marriage that's coming. under submission to the Lord. So a lot of this talk has been individual, like it's the husband and the wife, but ultimately you're a unit, like you're together in marriage under the Lord and submission together. Like you are still a unit together. Ultimately, like you said, first and foremost, it has to be to the Lord.

• Speaker #0

  A hundred percent. We're about out of time. I kind of want to get a little bit deeper. So I'm afraid to go over. So what we'll do is we'll table it. We'll come to the next episode and we'll take a... part two and talk about what this actually looks like on the individual level. So stay tuned for that episode next week. What submission looks like one to another. So I'm going to ask you, maybe tease it. How, what are some ways you submit to me?

• Speaker #1

  Practically speaking, like how you actually act out submission to a husband would be being respectful. So words and your actions, using your gifts to support your husband, encouraging them, you're their helper. So how you can help them and just honoring them.

• Speaker #0

  And ways that I submit to my wife is that I love her and I demonstrate love, care, and concern to her verbally, physically, emotionally, financially. And I'm also inviting her into my world. So those are ways that I can show submission unto her. So we'll get into that on a more deeper level in the next episode. So stay tuned for that. Make sure you like and subscribe to the YouTube channel so you get that. video and get the notice and of course subscribe on apple podcast spotify iheart wherever you're listening so that you get the next episode when it launches typically the audio podcasts come out on wednesday mornings around 5 30 a.m and they're posted on youtube wednesdays around 9 15 p.m so just so you know that kind of technical uh where i am uh on youtube is p.m And the audio is in the AM. Okay. So cool. If you like what you heard, give that like, give that subscribe. It helps the algorithm push the video to more people can find it. If you're listening on Apple podcast, scroll down a little bit, give us a quick rating and a review. Again, it helps the algorithm push the content to more people. They don't ask for anything in return. All we're asking is to give us a like, give us a comment so that we can help this video be pushed out to more people. So we can keep making more content. If you like the content and you want us to keep going, let us know so we will keep going. So thank you for that. Remember, there is that 180 questions we did mention. But the very, very thing we want you to get to is getting your home, getting your marriage back into submission to God. You can start there by getting our absolute freebie, which is our prayer guide. It's five powerful prayers that your marriage needs. right now.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. Grab the freebie. It will give you the foundation verses that we base the prayer on, a sample prayer, and what those five powerful prayers actually are about. It's a quick download. It's an easy PDF that you can look through, carry along with you, and start praying those today. It will make a huge difference in your relationship.

• Speaker #0

  As you're praying those prayers, those get you in submission to God, which gets you in submission to one another. You begin to honor one another. You begin to respect one another. You begin to value one another. one another because you're praying for one another and you want God's best for each other. So get that today. It is okavencompany.com slash five prayers. It's an absolute freebie, no strings attached and do it today. Get it right now. Don't delay it. Oh, you know, I'll get a night note. Just scroll down, tap email done. All right. And you'll be glad you did. Thanks so much for listening. Stay tuned for next week. Remember it's wisdom that builds the house.

• Speaker #2

  Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship, and we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.