Transcription

• Speaker #0

  What does it mean to honor your partner? What does that look like? It sounds good, but can you actually do it and do it consistently? Today's episode, we're gonna give you three ways you can honor your spouse, how to do it, and keep it going now and forever. Stay tuned. Welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. You have tuned in to a good one today. Come on in. Man, it's good to see you. It's good to have you along with us. We are the Turners, and this is your home. for faith-filled content that helps you communicate in your relationship. Remember, if you get anything from today's episode, all we ask is one small favor. If you'll like and subscribe to the YouTube video, scroll down on the podcast, give us a rate and a review. It would mean the world to us and help push this content to more people like you who can find it and get something out of it as well. So thank you in advance for all our wonderful listeners. Thank you. And viewers, we're so happy you are here. Today, I did something I haven't done in a while. I meal prepped.

• Speaker #1

  Yay, you meal prepped. You had been doing it for a while.

• Speaker #0

  I had been doing it for a while. I was doing very good with meal prepping and walking. Yes. And then it just tanked.

• Speaker #1

  What happened?

• Speaker #0

  I bombed.

• Speaker #1

  That's okay. You're back on it.

• Speaker #0

  So I got to get back on it. And so I meal prepped, got on the grill, get all my chicken and rice and vegetables.

• Speaker #1

  Making good food choices.

• Speaker #0

  Making good food choices. I have to do that. I've been, you know, now all of a sudden I find myself, I've been sitting for a while. But it seems like now I'm really at my desk 12, 15 hours a day. It's a long time. So we got to get better.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, not good. You can't be at the desk that long.

• Speaker #0

  I would love to know if you, are there any deskies? out there i'll call you a deskie okay comment let us know how often how long do you sit at the desk and what are some tips you have for me yep to help me not stay so stationary my shoulder's been kind of yeah hurting and had

• Speaker #1

  a little pain in my finger i thought from scrolling the mouse and it's just it's been weird you know some people stand up you know we're talking about a stand-up desk and some people actually have like a walking pad i don't even know how that works they're their desk and they actually like

• Speaker #0

  walk while they're working i may try if i get a multitasking yeah we gotta we gotta do something because the 15 hour in front of three screens is not helpful yeah so three ways to honor your spouse last episode we talked about submission and how that's wrong and what it looks like if you missed it go back and listen to that episode what a good one it was yes or is it's not was good it is good

• Speaker #1

  What the typical maybe thought of definition of submission is actually wrong.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. It is not just about you.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. It's not about you and blind obedience.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. Submission has nothing to do with you. It's got to do with the Lord. Amen. So now let's kind of get into the practical application of what that looks like and how to actually do it one to another.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. And so we have three ways that you can honor your spouse. All right. Let's keep going. We're number one.

• Speaker #0

  Go for it.

• Speaker #1

  So we are going to steer clear of words that tear the other person down. So we talk about this a lot about how important our words are, but our words can really build people up, tear people down, energize them.

• Speaker #0

  How do women tear down men?

• Speaker #1

  There's a lot of ways. Number one, you could be calling them names like. You're so lazy, you just sit on the couch and watch football all day. So you're degrading their character. You're not.

• Speaker #0

  Do you guys know that? Or you just don't know it and that's just you just fire off? Or do you think it's intentional to like, let me just tear them down?

• Speaker #1

  I think it's intentional that you're trying to get something either arise from them or you're trying. obviously not in the right way, but you're trying to get them to do something that they're not. And so instead of asking nicely, or maybe you already asked nicely. And so you just resort to, you know, you do nothing all day. You don't help me out. You just sit there and whatever. So there, there's a purpose behind it. I don't know if they're always thinking, okay, let me figure out how I can tear them down with my words necessarily. Um, but you know, when you say those things, it's not positive to them. Okay. So. tearing them down, using words Again, not in a loving way. So you're not supporting them. You're not showing that you're on their team, that you're there to help, that you're working together. It's very divisive. You're blaming them. You're being defensive about things you're doing. So just those all those words that are coming out in all conversations. What do you think about that?

• Speaker #0

  You know, words are powerful. I will never forget my mother was talking and teaching one time about words and she said words are containers. And so she just had a Rubbermaid Tupperware. Yep. And the example was, these are your words. And so they contain very potent, powerful, you know, ingredients. So if I honor you, how I talk to you is how a great way to show honor. especially for a female to a male, how you, it goes both ways, but specifically, I think that way is because you can build his esteem. One of the ways that I feel most respected is how you talk to me, how you approach me, what you say and when you say and how you say it. We're just wired that way. And it might not make sense to you, but we're wired that way. And so How I show honor to my spouse through my words is very, very important.

• Speaker #1

  And I was going to also say not just the words that you're saying in your home, but also the words that you're speaking to and about your spouse to other people or even out in public. So it's going to it's going to sting if you're putting your your husband in particular. You know, even if it's a joking manner, if you're joking around about, you know, him being lazy or something, especially out in public or when you're around people, friends and family.

• Speaker #0

  That's a great way to show his honor, especially if he's there. If you put him down in front of someone, oh, that's a good way to get a man to be silent and detached from you. Right.

• Speaker #1

  You want to run him off?

• Speaker #0

  Hey, I'm not in public.

• Speaker #1

  So, you know, we need to speak those positive words. You need to verbalize things that you appreciate about them. Verbalize. you know, your gratitude about things they do, however, they support you as well in your home, but ultimately also how you can support them in the public is if you give them a compliment in front of somebody, like how, how great would they, they feel at that point?

• Speaker #0

  Well, again, we talked about this last episode. It has nothing to do with how they're currently acting. and i know that sounds crazy and makes no sense because he don't deserve this and he don't deserve this and blah blah blah well that's you're getting what you say okay because you're just negative you know whining karen so um no no yes whining karen yes nagging nagging nagging nagging nagging so that's what you're gonna get you Because there's no incentive for me because this is bitter. Yeah. Yeah. I've got a nice big taste of vinegar.

• Speaker #1

  Okay.

• Speaker #0

  But when we submit to God, then now it's not based on my actions. Your submission, your respect and honor is based upon. Your, your vertical relationship with the Lord.

• Speaker #1

  Relationship with the Lord. And what does the Lord want you to say? How does he want you to speak? How does he want you to treat people? He wants you to treat them with compassion and love and gentleness and kindness. And are you showing that to your spouse, especially?

• Speaker #0

  All right. So when I said, Karen, did you agree with my Karen?

• Speaker #1

  I just don't like the, when they use the name Karen.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. So, but in that. particular moment which is real life is not rehearsed we're not scripted we have notes but we're not scripted we're having a we just we have a conversation with each other and we invite you guys into our into our sitting room in our house and enjoy into our and that's the whole man podcast right yes you

• Speaker #1

  went like don't be saying that and then it didn't flare up just yes and ultimately again that's because I strive and I work towards acting how a Christ-like woman should act, right?

• Speaker #0

  Okay, we'll go into it. But me knowing you, I'm like, okay, she probably didn't agree with that or probably something there. I'm just going to ask. Yeah. And we'll do that. I was, you know, did you agree with that? And you might be like, no, or did you not like this? And you might be like, well, no. Well, tell me why. Let me try to learn some more. Whether it's this or, uh, I say bye Felicia, you know, and, uh, she didn't like that. She expressed that and it was okay. She's not really a joke. She's serious.

• Speaker #1

  But then even when you still say it, right? Like I don't flip out or I don't.

• Speaker #0

  How often do I say bye Felicia?

• Speaker #1

  When you're angry. when you're annoyed when you're like super annoyed or sometimes just to be funny, but it's not funny to me. Right. So, um, little things like that, but again, I have to respond how I need to respond.

• Speaker #0

  And you said you want to respond to a price like a woman.

• Speaker #1

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  Don't tell me more about that.

• Speaker #1

  So ultimately I do not want to react or respond to anything in this world, whether it be my husband or a coworker or a stranger, even. Just out of whatever my emotions might be or whatever I might pass through my head, you know, thoughts could go through my head and I might think something, but ultimately submitted unto the Lord, you know, I'm following his word and his direction and how he led his life when he was here. And so I find how I should act in the word of God. So never. Is there a Bible verse that says, make sure you show your anger and your rage when somebody annoys you, you know, it's speaking. Are you showing the fruits of the spirit? If you're not having any fruit in your life, there's a problem. So ultimately I need to handle myself because I'm going to ultimately answer to the Lord. Right. And then, and how did I handle situations? What words did I speak? How did I treat other people? Ultimately, we're treating them how Christ treats us.

• Speaker #0

  Ephesians 5 talks about how a husband should love, so we should communicate in love, and then the wife should, it says submit. There was something I really wanted to, yes, that was it. Here we go. I don't want to get off topic, but I wanted to display this and give this out because it says how that we should love you. and honor you as the weaker vessel.

• Speaker #1

  We're weaker.

• Speaker #0

  You're weaker. So what does that mean? Does that mean you can't bench press 200 pounds? I can't. Or that you're beneath me, under me? No. That word weaker, there wasn't a word for it, so that's translated as manliness. Okay. In other words. Talk to your wife like a woman. Okay. Not like one of the boys. She's not a man.

• Speaker #1

  I love it. 100%.

• Speaker #0

  That's what he's saying.

• Speaker #1

  There's a different way, right?

• Speaker #0

  There's a different way. I can't address you like one of my boys. Right. I got to talk to you as my wife. You know, not harsh, not jokingly, because sometimes y'all don't get the joke. The joke might hurt.

• Speaker #1

  Sarcasm.

• Speaker #0

  Sarcasm, right? But I've got to treat you as my wife. My...

• Speaker #1

  my boo and why do you need to treat us that way because the bible just told exactly and you're submitted unto the lord right and so he allows you to even be capable of that correct so that's that's what we're getting at number two all right number two we are going to show respect by asking him first or asking her first so okay ultimately It makes a huge difference if you go to your partner and ask for their opinion or.

• Speaker #0

  Somebody's twitching.

• Speaker #1

  Uh-oh. Ask for their opinion.

• Speaker #0

  Or ask for your permission.

• Speaker #1

  Permission, yep. Ask for their permission before you make decisions or before you go out and do something that you want to do or however, which way you want to do it.

• Speaker #0

  Can we rewind it and say it one more time? So does that mean, are you saying I need to ask your permission before I make a decision?

• Speaker #1

  Yes. because we're married we're a team we're a unit should i be making decisions on my own just you know living as a single woman over here and you're living as a single man over there making your own decisions like we are married so did you ask me permission before you make a decision yes and i i feel like i ask you a lot of times and Many situations, even things that you would think aren't important.

• Speaker #0

  If you are asked some things, you ask me. Should the people should,

• Speaker #1

  you know, one of our children, is this okay for. our daughter to wear to school? Or is this okay to take the kids to the park on Saturday because we don't have any other plans? Or what do you think about me making spaghetti tomorrow for dinner? Like even things that are little, it is so different if you ask your spouse and include them in your thinking as you're making decisions. It makes a huge difference to how they feel about whatever is going to occur.

• Speaker #0

  Do you ask me what you're going to wear?

• Speaker #1

  I do ask you what I'm going to wear actually a lot. And sometimes you're like, I don't care where, what you want to wear. Why are you asking me what you want to wear? Um, but I have different reasons for asking you. Like sometimes I want to ask you because I want to make sure it looks good, like appropriate or whatever when I'm going out, or I want to ask you because I want to dress to please you. So yes, I want to. you know, do something to make you, you know, attracted to me or make sure that I look good. Right. Um, so I ask you what I, what I should wear or does this look good or, you know, hopefully you're giving me, you know, good feedback or even, you know, should I cut my hair or should I get my nails done or, you know,

• Speaker #0

  does that run counter to what 2024 women do?

• Speaker #1

  There is a very large percentage, I would say, that are, I'm going to do me.

• Speaker #0

  Don't be nice.

• Speaker #1

  Tell the truth. You know. Right. They can deal with it. If they don't want to deal with it, I don't need a man anyway. So who cares if they don't like it? But especially in a marriage relationship, you should be striving again. to love the other person, to honor the other person, to respect the other person, to please the other person? Like, is that something wrong? Like, is that make people recoil when I say those things?

• Speaker #0

  Probably. Again, we pulled it from scripture. First Corinthians talks about how your body isn't yours and my body isn't mine. It belongs to you. Again, that's just scripture. So Yeah, I don't have my own opinion. I do have an opinion, but it's not my own. You're involved in that. Because what I do affects you. What I don't do affects you. And so, yes, is it all right if I'm going to go over here today? How do you feel about that? How do you feel about this? I want to get your reaction. I want to... I don't want to do something that would dishonor you. I don't want to do something that maybe we haven't talked about. I don't know how this would affect you. So let me get your feedback to see, does this affect you? And if so, how? And if it does, let's talk through it.

• Speaker #1

  Right. And you feel valued, right? As a partner, when the other person is out there.

• Speaker #0

  So 100% I feel valued. It took me a while and sometimes. This is something that had nothing to do with Jennifer. And we've talked about this in other episodes. I had a lens and a filter and things that I experienced that had nothing to do with her. It's been very, we've worked through me receiving love because one of her expressions was, how do you like this? And I'm just like, I am not worried to make that decision. You know, what do you want to see? Yeah. And I'm just like, yo. Why would I make that decision? I don't want to tell her what to do. I don't want to come across me saying, do this. But what humility it brings me to a place of humility of, this woman considers me so much that she asks me this. Oh man, that puts me in check. And it makes me want to walk in such an upright place before you. It makes me want to honor the Lord more. It makes me want to honor you. And when you show and demonstrate respect, it just makes me, there's nothing, there's no problem. What do you want? What do you need? What can I do? Yeah. And that's how men are wired.

• Speaker #1

  Right. So even as you're working through that. You're getting more, I guess, used to it, I'll say, of me asking, you know, what do you prefer?

• Speaker #0

  What do you prefer?

• Speaker #1

  You know.

• Speaker #0

  And also what she's doing is she's teaching our daughter respect and honor for a male authority figure in her life. Hey, ask your father, can I have a dessert? Can I play my iPad? Is this dress okay? Is my hair okay for picture day? Daddy, what do you think about this? And what am I doing? I'm telling her this. You want to dress like this because you're making an impression. You want to show yourself to be competent and a young lady and educated and well-spoken and well-mannered. So this is why you look this way. This is why you carry yourself this way. You sit this way because you want to keep your legs down. You want anybody to look up your skirt. Jayden, you stand this way. You stand straight up because you want to. You don't want to lower yourself. You want to be with confidence, be a leader. Yeah. So we're teaching them according to the Bible. And again, we're not perfect. We're not saying here that we're a marshmallow, just clouds. But man, what would your relationship look like if you change from dishonor to honor?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  What could there be another level of joy? Could you experience a greater expression of love? Amen. If you just said. I'm going to, I'm going to let it go. I'm going to let my guard down. I'm not going to be rough and tough Hulk. And I'm going to lay back and give honor to my spouse.

• Speaker #1

  And again, you need to be resilient because they're not always going to respond the way you want them to, or they necessarily should. So in those examples of when I'm trying to ask you your opinion, and if you are just, you know, shut me down or brush me off. a really easy way that could, you know, hurt my heart or my esteem.

• Speaker #0

  And I've done that.

• Speaker #1

  So again, you are doing those things because you're ultimately honoring and submitting unto the Lord. So you, you're going to have to do it again, even though it was painful the first time when you were doing what you should be doing, but the other person wasn't reacting in the Christ. you're still going to have to do it or you should be doing it, whether or not you're getting that back.

• Speaker #0

  You got to be vulnerable and got to put yourself out there and you might get rejected and it won't, like you said, it won't feel good, but I'm doing this not unto my husband. I'm doing this unto God because I believe in the scripture promises that he will not forget your labor of love and you are sowing seeds. And it may look like right now our grass looks like Jack the Ripper. I mean, oh my gosh. Summer came and tore our stuff up. Can I preach to you a little bit? So he's had some stuff that came and jacked him up, but she's had some stuff that came and jacked her up. But as you sow some grass seed and you water, and it was three weeks ago. And it's like, man, our grass still looks like junk. We got weeds and anthills and what is going on? But you know what? I walk outside today, I see some grass growing. And as you continue to sow seeds of honor, as you continue to love. in spite of what they're doing, you will begin to see a harvest because the scripture says, be not weary in well-doing for in due season, you will reap if you faint not.

• Speaker #1

  Amen. I love it. Thank you. I love it.

• Speaker #0

  I got my amen corner. All right. Number three.

• Speaker #1

  All right. Number three. So we're going to honor your husband or your wife by doing things that they love.

• Speaker #0

  Yes, I love this. So, you know, if it's a little M&M thing that she loves or if it's, you know what, I got to work on it, keeping my area clean, you know, picking up and not putting my T-shirts on top of her dresser. She can get to her dresser, you know.

• Speaker #1

  I like those examples because it's things that we've already talked about and brought up. So if your spouse has said that I really don't like that you're leaving your forks in the sink, the dishwashers. literally right next to it. Right. You know, can we work on that? Right. You know, and so if you are specifically doing those things that you know, you know, might bother, you're not doing things that are going to bother them or you're purposely like, okay, I'm going to work on that because it matters to them.

• Speaker #0

  Yep. Now that example, is it proper to say, oh my God, can't you put the fork in the freaking dishwasher? How many times am I going to tell you? Is that a good way to speak to your spouse woman?

• Speaker #1

  It's a terrible way. And I could do that multiple times in the week because, again, no matter if they're going to do the things you ask them to or not, you have to let those little things go. You have to be able to let them go. They can't ruin your relationship. You shouldn't let them ruin your relationship. Right. Because ultimately you're submitted. submitted unto the Lord.

• Speaker #0

  And I'm not a four-year-old.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  I'm your husband. True. So there's a way to talk to me.

• Speaker #1

  There is a way to talk to people, especially your spouse, but doing those little things that they love that, you know, they love to fill them up and just stepping into that role of being a helper to them. So you are there to help them. Become the man of God that he has designed you to be, vice versa. So do those things, support him the way that you can. Use your gifts that God has given you specifically and use your gifts to help out your spouse and do the things that they love.

• Speaker #0

  I love it. The things you are good at, let those things shine. Amen. So if I'm good at making her laugh, let me make her laugh. If I'm good at supporting her. and building her up verbally, let me do that. You know, don't focus on the negative, focus on what is good, what we are doing that's working. And you practice these things, right? So it's practice. Again, it's not going to be done overnight, but it's practice. But again, come into honor. Come into honoring one another and respecting one another, asking one another, what do you think about this? And then be quiet. Let them talk. And so it takes respect. It does take trust. Okay. And so build a foundation of trust and work on trust. Men, be a man of your word. Be a man of integrity. Close loopholes. Don't be slipping and sliding and creating any kind of unnecessary anxiety. Don't give her a reason to question a decision. She's questioning your decision because she doesn't trust you. She's asking you why because she doesn't trust you.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  Where you been? She doesn't trust you. So live in a way to where she trusts you. Right.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. Put those things in place that you're building that trust. Let her track your phone. Yeah. Like show her that you're, you're trustworthy.

• Speaker #0

  Why do you want to see what I'm getting? No issue. Yeah. I haven't, there's nobody I'm going to see.

• Speaker #1

  Right. No, it should not be a second.

• Speaker #0

  Not even a second nature. It's not even fine.

• Speaker #1

  Sure.

• Speaker #0

  Done. Yeah. Here's my Instagram. I don't DM. Right. nothing there's nothing to see but spam yeah act like a married couple so it's it's not complicated but we complicate it with junior high drama but when we step over into manhood and i'll stay there when we step over into manhood and grow up and be an adult then okay she's gonna trust me and she's gonna honor me because i don't have any secrets and You know, you said you were somewhere and you weren't or someone who there's some kind of or now we got the iOS stuff and we can hide apps and whatever and like people. And I don't know. I'm not trying to find out. So any who's hope you got something from that. Yes. Move your relationship into honor. Move your relationship from negativity into positivity. Move it out of talking down and into talking up. from building down to building up, and you really will see some great things be born and come from those steps of honor. If you got anything from this episode, let us know. If you disagreed, let us know. We'd love to hear what you guys think about it. Comment below. Make sure you like and subscribe. Also, rate and review the R&R if you're listening on any of the outlets. How you can do this. The first step is to begin a relationship and a pattern of prayer. Amen. And we have gotten and developed five prayers that every marriage needs, every couple needs. If you're dating, take these five prayers and begin to honor God and honor one another as you pray these prayers together.

• Speaker #1

  Yes, that's a great place to start. It's a freebie. Download it today, and we give you the scriptures that we base the prayers on, a sample prayer. and what those prayers are about, those five powerful prayers. Get it today. It will change your relationship. If you devote time to praying for your relationship every day, it will make a huge difference.

• Speaker #0

  I believe it's Galatians 6, whatever a man soweth or a woman soweth, that will he also reap. So let me pray and cover you today. Whatever you are facing, whatever you are going through, there's heaviness and there's pain. Father, I pray that you would now minister your love and healing to relationships where there's been brokenness, where there's been dishonor, and there's been disrespect. Disrespect one another, how we've talked to one another, how we've treated one another that's been contrary to what you want. Father, I pray for these couples. I pray for these relationships where there's been dishonor and where there's been a lack of trust and there's been disrespect. Lord, bring healing and bring recovery. I pray recovery for these relationships. And I pray, God, where there's just been hurt, that you would turn that hurt and turn that pain into joy. and peace. Father, teach us how to love one another, teach us how to respect one another, as unto you and then to each other. And so I pray for a restoration of all things. I pray a restoration of trust, a restoration of communication, a restoration of sweet talk and sweet words, that Father, you would bring these couples and these marriages and these relationships to the sweet place you've ordained. May they experience your best. We pray it in Jesus'name. Amen. Thanks so much for watching. We are rooting for you. We pray God's best for you and that you would see a love life and see good days. Again, thanks for watching. Remember to like and subscribe. Get the freebie. We'll see you next week. It's wisdom that builds the house.

• Speaker #1

  Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.