- Speaker #0
Do you ever feel like your marriage could use a reset, like a really good reset? Not necessarily an overhaul, but just a fresh start in certain areas? Well, maybe you're feeling sick and tired and just stuck in this rut, the whole wash, rinse, and repeat. Or perhaps things are going well, but you know you cannot afford to get too comfortable. Today's episode, we're gonna share five ways you can reboot your marriage to... day. You'll know exactly how to identify the parts of a relationship that could benefit from a reboot, whether it's improving communication, reigniting your passion, or simply growing together as a team. No matter where you're on your journey, there's always room for improvement and new opportunities to strengthen your connection. Welcome, everyone, to the Home to Haven podcast. We are so delighted you are here. This is going to be season number two. Wow, we are so excited. Moving right along. Episode, what is this, 80-something?
- Speaker #1
Six, I believe. 86.
- Speaker #0
That voice you hear, that's my wife, Jen, and I am Terrell. We are the Turners. And this is your home for faith-filled content that helps you communicate. in your relationship. We're so glad to be back. So glad you've joined us because it's 2025.
- Speaker #1
2025 and we're back on the podcast. It's been a little bit since we've recorded an episode, but we are back and excited for season two, all about communicating in your marriage.
- Speaker #0
All about communicating in your marriage and your relationship. So make sure you like and subscribe. If you are watching on YouTube, you don't want to miss any content that comes your way this year. It's going to be spectacular. And if you're listening, of course, on the podcast, whether iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, make sure you are following along so you get every episode as it hits every Wednesday.
- Speaker #1
That's right. So today we're going to jump right in. Sure. We are talking about resetting our marriage or our relationship, which a lot of people, it's the start of a new year. You may have been making new goals.
- Speaker #0
This is the time of the year where it all goes downhill.
- Speaker #1
Right. I was going to say it is mid-January and a lot of us have those goals long gone in the past, already forgotten. And so we're going to bring that back up and talk about the importance of resetting your marriage because your relationship with your spouse is of the utmost importance.
- Speaker #0
Yeah. And again, doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It's just a way to, of course, it is the beginning of the year. But anytime, whether it's the middle of the year, the quarter of the year, it's always a good time to say, let's take a step back and let's see what's working well and what maybe needs to have some improvement. So we wanna encourage you today. Remember, when you listen to this podcast, you're always gonna get faith-filled concept. We're gonna edify, you're gonna build you up, lift you up, that point you towards the word of God, gives you biblical solid word truth and help you decipher from the noise. So again, if it's your first time listening, you're gonna be able to do that. man, you're in for a treat. So where there's been miscommunication, we pray there's going to be understanding. Where there's been misalignment, there's going to be unity. And where there's been misfortune, there will be provision. So that's our prayer for you as we go through this and these five ways to reboot. You know, it's just a way to say, hey, let me take a step back. What's working well? What's not working well? Where do we need to improve? What needs to be dialed in? And again, you may have come into 2025 saying, hey. we're going to get better at XYZ. And so it's two weeks in, three weeks in, it's January 15th already. And I'm kind of dating the podcast, but we're mid January and time is going. So we want, we want that by the end of the year or by the summer, we're making progress and we're seeing drastic changes in our lives.
- Speaker #1
Right. You're seeing that fruit, right? So you're setting goals or expectations or like laying even the foundation. You might be at that point in your, your relationship. And we want to see you work towards prioritize your marriage and really pursue each other and actually notice a difference. Like you said, come summer, come the end of the year that, hey, we've we've grown. We've gone somewhere. We haven't remained stagnant. We haven't just lived.
- Speaker #0
And we've resolved some things.
- Speaker #1
Absolutely.
- Speaker #0
You know, because you can have a fruitful, wonderful, flourishing, happy, life giving, life fulfilling life. breathing marriage and relationship. That is possible. It is God's gift to you. It is God's promise to you. And so we receive that. So one of the first things we want to start with is some practical ways. Those five things. The first one is you want to commit. Say it, commit, commit to open communication. So this is going to create a safe space for you to share your heart with the person that God's given to your life. So we want to commit to this. It can't be up and down or, you know, one day, but we're going to commit to have open communication.
- Speaker #1
Right. It's ongoing. And a lot of the times you might say, well, we're just going to work towards being better communicators. What's that mean? Right. Or I just, I need to learn how to understand him better. Or I need to know what she means when she says what she says. And it's more than just having that thought of, hey, I want to be a better communicator or I want to learn to communicate. But like you said, it's that commitment. OK, we're going to make a promise to each other or we're going to go in this together and we are going to actually do things to, like you said, move along. So we're going to create a safe space in our marriage. We're going to talk through. We do. We go over a lot of different talking points that you can talk with. your partner through, ask those questions, learn each other, but actually take that time and be intentional with committing to learning and growing in your communication, not just saying, let's get better. Right.
- Speaker #0
Absolutely. No, the first step really is to make the decision. I'm going to be a better communicator. It is, uh, you may think you're a great communicator, but I think we all kind of stink. And so it's humbling ourselves to say, Hey, What do I need to do? Is it active listening? Is it I need to give my partner the ability to express themselves? Is it my facial tone? Is it the nonverbal communication? Am I being specific? We've got a lot of resources for you to kind of pinpoint those things on. But again, it's the commitment to say, I'm going to be a better communicator with my partner.
- Speaker #1
Right. And like you said, that's something you can do today. So you can start your marriage off. 100%. Today, you write that down in your journal or write it on a piece of paper, make sure you have it somewhere so you can see it. But that's a practical step that you can do today to start rebooting your marriage.
- Speaker #0
Both sides. So, you know, if if if we've had some emotional outbursts or if we've had some, you know, on the guy side, you know, maybe short and sweet and on the on the female side, maybe long and bitter. I don't know. But, you know, it's saying, OK. These are some areas and I've recognized some areas where I can improve and I'm going to take those steps to be a better communicator, to get better results. Ultimately, what gets understanding. That's right. So I'll go ahead. Number two, we're going to set shared goals. Yep. This is going to be your short term goals. Also, your long term goals. So short term, what's that look like? Maybe for the month, short term might be today.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
So, you know, what do we want to accomplish? together today, this week, date nights, walks, whatever it is, fitness, it doesn't matter. What are some of those short-term goals and then some of those long-term goals? What do we want to save this year? Are there any trips we want to take this year? Or looking ahead, casting vision two, three, five, 10 years out. You know, God gives us the ability to dream big. You know, the Bible says in Psalms, we were like those who began to dream. And so I want to fill you with faith today that begin to dream, come together. That's a great conversation to have with your partner. Where are we going? Where God's taking us? What is he doing in our lives? And then begin to, you know, take action steps to accomplish those things and move towards those things. And it doesn't have to always be the physical car house, but just, okay, you know, we want to get to a place where we read together. uh once a month or i think we've got a goal of reading a book about mrs astor whoever she is she is the person from the renaissance but the uh the gilded age right gilded age so uh that's a show we like and so we want to read a book about that part of american history together we've
- Speaker #1
never done a book well devotionals and things like that um more geared toward either marriage or spiritual stuff but nothing's fun yeah it's gonna be a fun you A fun book and a goal. And I think one of the main points to this, this one that we're pointing out is to actually have shared goals. So a lot of times you may set goals for yourself individually and either you don't share them with your partners or they can support you or even know what you're working on and, or you don't have goals that you are just working on together as a team, as a unit, as a couple. So what is a goal that you two are doing together? They're really nobody else is involved with because that's going to help. grow your relationship and also sharing your individual goals. Like if I have a goal to lose weight, you can be my accountability and say, Hey, what are you working on? How can I help you? How can we adjust our schedule so you can go work out or whatever that may be, but really. Talk to each other, communicate and be on the same page with those goals, because that's so important to actually getting beyond just stating the goal and actually getting progress and accomplishing a goal.
- Speaker #0
Yeah, the word I always had in my heart was accountability. So the whole purpose of a goal that is shared is for accountability, that you hold one another accountable. You are those goals, right? Smart, specific, they're measurable, they are trackable, right? And so you are able to accomplish. The whole point is we want to accomplish something. We want to get through the month, the year, the week and say, you know what? This is what we've done. This is what God has done through us. And so that's why you have that shared goal. So communicate that, talk through it. And if you miss one, encourage one another and get it the next month or the next week or whatever the time frame is. So get those shared goals. Number three, we want to practice forgiveness and grace. So. Way to reset a marriage. Yeah. Forgiveness and grace. So let go of whatever happened in 2024 or 2014 or 2004. Let it go. And we're going to have a fresh, clean slate where I'm not going to bring up old clothes and old wineskins. We're going to put that stuff ahead. We're going to bear it at the altar, light the fire, sacrifice it and walk away and let. You know, let the heart truly be free and let it be full of love and grace with the person that's with us in spite of what may have happened or what may not have happened. It's a clean slate.
- Speaker #1
Yeah, I think it's important to take that time to just reflect inward and really ask yourself, are there any things that I'm harboring against myself? Anything that's working in me that is not forgiveness, that's not grace. Are there areas where I haven't been showing him grace, where I know I can improve? Just be honest with yourself and reflect and really come to terms with, you know, this is where I'm at and this is where I want to be. Because you need to get to a place where you're willing to forgive. You're willing to show the other person grace and not always expect it just for yourself, but willing to show that to your partner. Right. It is a two way, two way street.
- Speaker #0
A hundred percent. And when we talk about heart blockers, right, even like the natural heart. So you have your a order and you've got your, uh, the valve.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. Don't ask me. I was, I was not going to,
- Speaker #0
um, so I remember the a, a, a, uh, uh, the a order and, um, but basically you can have blockage and that's obviously going to affect how your heart beats, how it functions and ultimately your whole body. And that can be. due to a diet. It can be do a lot of things, but when we allow bitterness or resentment to fester in our spiritual heart, right. That creates a blockage, blockage of communication, blockage of trust, blockages of openness. And it is a detriment. It affects how our marriage beats, how our marriage flows. And so you mentioned saying, okay, well, Be open to forgive, but how do I get to that place when I've been hurt? How can I get to a place of letting go again when I've been hurt?
- Speaker #1
Yeah. So you first need to realize that that's what you're doing because sometimes you just have denial of it, right? And so you have to realize and really look at your actions, your words, the way you're treating the other person, and then ultimately pray about it. It comes. you know, read God's word, let the Holy Spirit speak to you and, and teach you because ultimately we can't do all that in our flesh. Like we don't have that power in and of ourselves to treat somebody like Christ would treat them unless we have Christ within ourselves, within our heart. And we allow him to work through us because, you know, without him, we're just humans.
- Speaker #0
I would say as well as remember that no one is perfect. And so whatever someone has done or is currently doing, recognize their need. So let's say, for instance, if you were disrespectful, then you have a knowledge issue. And so because I would think if you knew how to respect me, then you would do so. And so I have to have grace. for you to say, okay, she does not know. And so my place is now a position of prayer to say, Holy Spirit, I thank you that you're going to reveal to her and that she's going to see and come to the knowledge of what it means to be respectful. Yeah. So it's that opens my myself up to be forgiving. Yeah. That opens myself to be gracious that I'm not going to take it personal or react based upon what you're doing versus how God sees you. So I need to see you through the lens of Jesus, not through the lens of judgment judging.
- Speaker #1
Right. And basically. giving your partner, like you said, the benefit of the doubt, ultimately, because the example you just gave, you're not assuming that I'm would be saying those disrespectful words or actions or whatever, on purpose, or like, that was, you know, my motive to hurt you, right? You're saying that I have to give them grace, because maybe they don't know what they're doing. Or maybe they don't know that that's disrespectful, versus like, I bet she has it in for me today. And even if they just wants me, wants to hurt me, get back at me, whatever.
- Speaker #0
Again, I would say in most cases, a person is coming from a good place. They're not waking up. You know what? How can I take him off? You know, but if that is the case, right. And you have, you know, evil Knievel in the house. Well, then, wow, what a place of hurt they're in. Man, there's some things going on there that they've really got to get delivered from and free from. So again, it's still a soul. It's still someone who needs the impartation and the rescuing of the love of Jesus. So that's how you're able to do that. All right, take the last two.
- Speaker #1
All right, number four, we are just going to celebrate each other's progress and celebrate our relationship's progress. So even those small wins, if something exciting happens, you're going to celebrate that. You're going to celebrate the improvements in your relationship. So if you are working on actively getting better at communication and say you've set boundaries with each other and you notice your spouse actually followed through with that, you know, speak to them, say that, hey, I noticed you're really working hard towards this. I appreciate, you know, your commitment. And so let's celebrate that. Maybe like, you know, let's have a date night or, you know, maybe just give him a hug. Any can be very simple. It doesn't have to cost money. Right. But we're going to celebrate each other. and celebrate those little wins, and just celebrate that progress as you're in this journey. And you can start that, again, today. So if you see something in your partner that you really appreciate about them, or something that you know they're working towards, like, hey, I know you've been working really hard at this work project, and I see that you're really putting that extra time in and sacrificing, and I know it's gonna lead to good things, just celebrating those things with your partner is really important.
- Speaker #0
I would say not do it if you see it. But I would say find something you can celebrate every single day. So we need to do more celebrating. Yeah. We need to do more encouraging and more uplifting and more faith pushing for our partners. And, you know, the scripture says, let your words be seasoned with grace. Right. They may minister grace to the here. And so let's look up uplifting one another, even whatever it is, how small it is. But. Start tracking, you know, maybe in our plan or home to Haven, there's places to write, track how many times that I uplift my partner today or what were my words of grace today? What are my words of encouragement? Don't just, you know, wait for it. Be proactive in encouragement.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. And don't look at as a, as a competition or like I did this. Now he needs to do something for me type of thing. Take accountability for your, yourself, your actions. And like you said, what you're doing for your partner and just share that, share that goodness together. Number five is our last one. And that is to just ultimately lean on faith. So we're going to pray together with your spouse. You're going to ask for guidance from God and the Holy Spirit together. You can spend time reading the Bible, praying, meditating, but ultimately just really trusting that God is in control of your relationship. He has, like you said. to start off. He has good things for you and go and walk in that and walk in that together. So lean on your faith.
- Speaker #0
There couldn't be anything more important.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
We said it for the last, but it is the first, the first will be last, last will be first. But you know, when you again, make the decision, we're going to put God first. We're going to, how do we do that? It's incorporating him in every aspect of our lives. It is waking up. going to sleep throughout the day, putting God in your home, speaking well of him, inviting him into each and every space, into every decision, into those goals. And watch how when you get God involved. your life begins to align with his perfect will for your life. And so decide on that. And every one of us listening and speaking can improve in this area. The enemy hates this part. He's going to fight this one part because he knows, of course, as I said, the family that prays together stays together. So we would breathe life into you in any other part. It is do not compromise this area. Because it will feed all the other ones. So this is the lifeblood going through all the veins of your relationship and your family of getting the word of God in your home solid, because that is the direction, the compass for your life.
- Speaker #1
So those are some five ways that you can reboot your relationship or your marriage starting today. You can take those actions today. So go start those today.
- Speaker #0
Absolutely.
- Speaker #1
And we also want to thank you, of course, if you're listening right now for just joining the podcast and getting those weekly marriage relationship coaching. We also have resources for you. So we also want you to take those actionable steps. So after listening to the podcast, you know, actually go and do something that's going to make a difference in your relationship. So we do have our Haven Planner pages that we have for you. And that's really a great foundation that you can go. get those, print those off. And it helps walk you through determining what your core values are, setting a home purpose statement together, and really determining what your priorities are in your relationship and your home, setting those, writing them out, and then ultimately pursuing them. And so we have that resource available for you to get today. So go ahead and take that extra step, take that action. So like, like we talked about before, you'll start seeing that fruit as we go through the year.
- Speaker #0
100%. The Bible says that faith without corresponding actions is dead being alone. So you got to take the action. You got to take the step that says, Hey, you know what? I'm serious about what I'm saying. So go to oakhavencompany.com. That's it. As soon as you go into the website, it's going to pop up, get that home to Haven Planner. It's amazing. It is a great investment for you, for your entire family. It will help lay out everything that we talked about today. And you'll begin to be able to set your goals again. Do your home purpose statement. Lay out your goals. Talk about your core values with your partner. And to start the year off fresh. Start it off great to go. Get that reboot. Oakhavencompany.com. If you're on the podcast, it'll be in the description. If you're on YouTube, it's there in the description as well. We thank you guys so much for joining us. Episode number whatever it is. One for season two.
- Speaker #1
Yes, 86 overall.
- Speaker #0
86 overall. I remember when we were on 50. I know. And look at how good it got. So we will see you next week. Remember, it's wisdom that builds the house.
- Speaker #2
Thanks for listening to the Home to Haven podcast. Did you get anything from today's topic? Are you ready to go even deeper in developing healthy communication with your partner? Download your relationship planning guide absolutely free. This monthly outline is a great starting point to reclaim control of the hustle of everyday life and ensure that your most meaningful relationship takes center stage. You'll have everything you need to accomplish and measure your goals. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.