Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Don't we all dream about a happily ever after? I mean, that's what the fairy tales told us in the movies, right? But these fairy tale endings aren't about chance. They're about communication. The way you talk to your partner will either bring you close or push you apart. Come on. In this episode, we're going to share the communication secrets that happy couples do and what they do so that you can build a stronger deeper and more connected relationship. Are you ready? Hope so, because we're starting it right now. Welcome everyone to the Home to Haven podcast. If you are new to this channel, welcome. We are The Turners, we've been married officially for 10 years and what, two weeks now. So this is your home for faith-filled content. It's going to help you communicate in your relationship. It's a free resource to help you navigate the communication puzzle that people go through. Because the number one issue in marriages we have found through research is

• Speaker #1

  Communication. Everyone says they just need to learn how to communicate to solve their problems. Talk to me. Talk to me.

• Speaker #0

  So if you get anything from the episode, when you get it, when that light bulb goes off, just hit the thumbs up. We would greatly appreciate it and help push this video and reach more and more people just like you. If you're listening on any of the major podcast platforms, thank you so much for spending part of your day with us.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome. Come on in. Today, we are talking about how you talk to your spouse, how you actually communicate and how it can either push the person away or bring them closer to you. So there's a few things we're going to touch on really that make a big difference in a relationship.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah, there was an episode we did just a few weeks ago. I do not have the specific number. But we were talking about it and it was words are a gift. And so that was actually a scripture verse in one of the versions that your words are a gift. And so be mindful that every single word that you form out of your mouth and comes out. How do we frame that? And so it's important to really, really listen and understand how do I talk to this other human being? processes information differently than I do. Yeah,

• Speaker #1

  exactly. And the first thing that we're actually going to start off with one that is negative and in a relationship, but I feel like a lot of people might experience it and that is nagging. So I don't know if the husbands are agreeing with that right now or how you would say.

• Speaker #0

  Are there any nagging husbands?

• Speaker #1

  I don't know. There might be. I feel like it typically is the women that feel like.

• Speaker #0

  Tell me more about that.

• Speaker #1

  They have to always constantly remind their husband to do things or ask them to do things or be a certain way or not do this. And I'm not, you know, my voice is already sounding like a nagging voice. Right. So just that constantly reminding your spouse to do things over and over again, if they're not done or.

• Speaker #0

  So how do you get your spouse to do something if they haven't done it and you've asked them?

• Speaker #1

  Well, you can't make your spouse do anything, right? So you can't force them to do anything. So you need to switch your mindset, first of all, from constantly nagging them to how can I switch the situation around or how can I address them differently? How can I solve this? What I see as a problem. effectively. So when you're constantly nagging or reminding them or even putting them down, right? So I asked you to take out the trash left yesterday and it's still full. Can you take the trash out now? You haven't done it yet. Why haven't you done it yet? It's full. I can't get anything else in there. You never take out the trash ever. And even you don't even take out the trash when I ask you to. Right. So those.

• Speaker #0

  Then when you're doing that, my mind went somewhere else.

• Speaker #1

  Okay. Right.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. You're not going to reach him that way. You will never reach him that way. You will push him further and further away. And so if that is, and that's a, probably a sweet example.

• Speaker #1

  Okay. Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Not even an extreme example of the nagging or the dart throwing. And so. You have got to find a different way to reach the heart of your spouse if you want them to respond in a positive way. Okay. So a soft answer turns away wrath, the scripture says. And so, by the way, if it's your first time, the things that we give you are all built upon a biblical worldview, a biblical point of view, because we believe that's where ultimate success lies. And so there is a way to communicate that. And, and, and, and pierce the heart of your spouse versus pushing away the mind of your spouse.

• Speaker #1

  Right. So that nagging, like you said, they, they may just tune you out completely. But they can also start feeling like belittled, right? Put down or like you're trying to control them. Yeah. And so that's not going to get you anywhere. So you're going to have to find other ways that you can address those things that you feel like need to be nagged on. So if it is, for an example, a household chore, you can sit down during a time that he has available. Right. Not during a football game, not during work. Right. But, hey, you know, I've really noticed I need a little bit more help with taking out the trash. Is that something that you'd be willing to help me with? Or can we set some parameters around what chores we're each going to be responsible for? How do you feel about that? and kind of get their opinion on it. Like, would that be a better approach to you if I was really, really bothered that you never took out the trash?

• Speaker #0

  Right, 100%. And there was never no you language in there. You don't do this, you're not doing this. That automatically raises the castle defenses. It was, here's a problem, what is a solution and how can we approach this solution together? Not it's on you to do it. So those are things that you can do. Another way would be, hey, you know, as you mentioned, I've noticed that the trash is getting more full more and more frequently. Is there anything that we can do? You have any ideas of how we can get this out of the house quicker? Is that something we need to buy? Is there something that, you know, and again, you're presenting him with solutions. Right. That he can problem solve. Yeah. and take the lead on in some areas. But at the same time, you're also getting what you need to get accomplished. And there's no attack. There's no, you know, darts and missiles being thrown. And the same goes vice versa with the man and communicating with her, his spouse, communicating love. Again, woman, you want to communicate respect and communicate in terms of respect. Okay. And then for me, I need to be communicating in terms of love. And so, hey, you know, I really appreciate your effort in doing X, Y, Z. However, when that happened, I didn't get this or this doesn't really work for me. How can we can we adjust it this way? Can you approach it this way? Right. And that is so much better than you ain't do this. You ain't do that. Right.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  So it's it's our tone. It's our approach. And that requires. Communication with intent that requires me to pause and to stop and to actually, oh, my gosh, think before I speak and plan out what I'm going to say, process it, edit it, copyright it. Right. Make sure that before I press send with my mouth, it's ready to go.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And ultimately, like I was saying, you can't make somebody do anything. So even if I did sit down and have that conversation with you. And the next two days, the trash is full again. It is now up to you to determine how you're going to respond in that situation.

• Speaker #0

  And that's going to take the love of God. And that's going to be like, you know what? That's a battle. We would encourage you. Let that go.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I was going to say that battle now needs to turn toward prayer. Yes. So now I'm going to be in prayer asking, you know. the Lord to soften my husband's heart so that he hears me when I'm asking for help, that he gives you insight into what a burden that might be to me. Right. So really that is now going to be turned to prayer, putting the Lord in charge of that because continuing to nag, nag on you, think things in my head about you is not going.

• Speaker #0

  Now we're playing, now we're in the devil's game of poker and he's just, he's having a field day. because now I'm getting frustrated, I'm getting bitter, I'm turning resentful and and

• Speaker #1

  And I'm shutting down. I'm shutting down. I'm getting some bad thoughts about you.

• Speaker #0

  I support him. I love him. I do this. And I'm trying to say he is, he's sorry. You know, and now it's, yeah, you don't want to go down that hole.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, exactly. All right. We're going to move on to a positive way, a positive way that you can communicate and that how you talk to your partner, right? And we are going to add the flirty, the flirty conversation. So we need to keep that. Um, and our relationship communication, because it keeps it fun. It keeps it exciting. It keeps that spark alive. You're not just roommates. You're not just people passing each other, you know, going in separate ways. Right. So we need to keep that type of language in our communication with our relationship, because number one, that's, that's the only person you should be having that type of conversation with. Right. Is that flirting, that fun, that playful inside jokes, you know, making, making the other one feel. Loved and special.

• Speaker #0

  Wanted, special, not forgotten. I still got it. Yeah. You know, I'm still here. I'm not forgotten in the midst of all the busyness and everything that happens throughout the day and the week, you know, spend some time communicating love to your love.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Love your love.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. And then another one that goes along with it, also a positive way that you communicate with. your spouse is to keep the humor alive, right? To have that fun. So that's going to just create like a loving and exciting atmosphere, right? To have that laughter in the air. I know you mentioned one of the things that is important to you is that you laugh every day, right? In our relationship, in our family, and just find those intentional ways that you can either flirt or. or have fun, incorporate humor in your life, because not everything has to be super serious all the time.

• Speaker #0

  Or if you've had some intense conversations, you know, lighten it up a little bit. Let's go for some ice cream, have some yogurt. If you had to have a finance talk, if you had to have, you know, a bill was late or, you know, one of the kids had some issues at school, you know, okay, let's flip it, have some balance in there. And that'll always be heavy,

• Speaker #1

  heavy,

• Speaker #0

  heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, you know? And if you need some ideas for flirting, I mean, there's this thing called chat GPT. Okay. You can, you can, you can plug in some stuff and let her rip. But, you know, I'm saying that because you don't have to, you know, spend a whole bunch of money or we also need to be a little bit fresh. Sometimes you can get a little stay up with your tactics. So reboot yourself. you know, reset yourself. Like us, we're 10 years in, whether you've been, you know, 10 months in, don't let things get Ritzdale crackers, but keep things, you know, allow the creativity and allow the freshness to keep things alive. And again, just have fun with it and move on every single day.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. I love that. And then the last thing we're going to touch on today of how you can communicate in your relationship that really makes a difference. is the way you establish each other in your husband and wife roles, right?

• Speaker #0

  Let's pause it. If you get anything from today's message or today's topic, like and subscribe. And I just wanted to recap because it is secrets to successful communication. So number one is not stop nagging. That's an issue. Yeah. Okay. Two is keep that flirting going on. That's an issue. People don't do that. Correct. Number three.

• Speaker #1

  Was the humor.

• Speaker #0

  You're right. Well, that's together.

• Speaker #1

  And number three is to talk in ways to establish the husband as the leader. Okay. That's where we're going with that.

• Speaker #0

  And these are helpful tips that we may have forgotten, but we've used this and we believe that it's part of what's given us success for 10 years. Yes. And not a whole bunch of issues and stuff because we. implement this in our lives.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. So support each other in the roles that you have as husband and wife.

• Speaker #0

  So I'm interrupting you three times. Okay. Okay. So you said communicate and establishing the role as a husband, right? Yes. What does that mean?

• Speaker #1

  Well, and I also said to establish you as the leader in our relationship and in our, in our family. So that's important for me. And I feel like in a godly marriage that the husband has a role of a leader. He's leading both myself and our children as a spiritual leader. And so there are ways that I can speak to you, ways that I can approach situations with you that will establish you as a leader in respecting you and honoring you versus, you know, belittling you or downgrading you.

• Speaker #0

  Give us some examples.

• Speaker #1

  So ways that you can establish your husband as a leader is to always go to him for his view. I was going to say opinion, but his view on situations that are occurring within your household. So you're not just making huge decisions by yourself. You're not just going along in life, leading your own way, making your own path. Right. You consider him. You consider what his view is, his vision is before doing anything major or even not major. Right. There's, you know, some things I might ask you, hey, you know, our daughter has an important event coming up. Is this something that you think she should wear for that? I mean, little things like that's important. I think it's important because it helps establish you in your God given role. Right. So that's that's a way that can support you. And also. in and of itself is supporting me.

• Speaker #0

  I think that it's very, very key. You may want to pause that and you guys may want to rewind and play that back because she said her actions help establish me and put me in my role. So for an example, Jennifer will say, Hey, what day this week are we having devotion? And that puts good pressure on me. to continue to lead, I now have to pick a day. I can't be like, well, we're not going to pray together this week, right? So, you know, it's just a way to keep us on track, but also by yielding and making sure that I'm leading the way I need to lead in a supportive way. But you said something about... I don't know if females or women or wives understand the power of that. Because when you're just making unilateral decisions, you might not even know you're making unilateral decisions. And that causes there to be division in the house where. Jennifer will be like, Adley has this, that, and the other. Is this dress appropriate? Is this, they have pajama day at school. Is this, go ask daddy if that's going to be appropriate for you to wear tomorrow. And it just helps me, again, position me as someone who's an authority figure, not a dictator. Right. Someone that my daughter can respect and honor. And it also shows that my wife honors and respects my view on how my daughter looks and how we present ourselves in our haven statement, our purpose statement for this house. Everything aligns. And that caused me to love her more and treat her with love because she honors and yields that respect to me. And I value and appreciate that because that is something you practice every single day.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And going back to that example of something that our daughter should wear, right? I feel like women might say, well, that's that.

• Speaker #0

  That ain't his call.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, that's not his call. Or I'm that's well within my parameters of knowing what my daughter should wear. Like I can solely make that decision. And, you know, I'm not asking you every single thing of every single day, but I know that certain things are important. And. both our children and myself need to be able to look to you for guidance and wisdom and to make that path straight. You know, I'm not saying that I go to you and there's no further conversation. Right. So I'm like, is this dress appropriate? You know, sometimes you might say, well, what does mommy think about that? Is that something that, you know, you think is good or what do you think about that? It's not like, again, a dictatorship where it's your voice only or. you know, I'm trembling in fear of like, if, if you are going to be okay with that, it's, it's not, it's not something like that. Right.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. We're not coming from that place. Um, cause there's a difference, right. There's a difference. That's another whole topic of abuse and things like that. What we're saying here is this, um, cause very, very key is very, very important. I think there's been a level of disrespect in the home and where If you have not experienced a sweetness and a unity in your relationship, it might be because of this. Yeah. Because you think, well, my husband can't speak to this. Well, that's probably a problem. And we're giving you another view that's founded upon the Word of God. And if you don't agree with that, you might have be experiencing some dissatisfaction because you're not doing it God's way. And if you stop and readjust your mind, if you renew your mind and actually, oh, I haven't been honoring my husband. I haven't been honoring my wife. The same thing of, hey, for me, I'm going here. I'll be here. I'll be back here. And I'm a man of my word. I go there. I stay there. Right. And I'm back when I say I'm supposed to be back. Right. Right. That is respect. It's honor.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  This goes both ways. Yeah. We're not sitting here going, Jennifer is yes, my Lord, my King, my master. We're not. That's not what we're saying. Right. But we need to understand, ladies, that you have to communicate respect. And for men, you have to communicate that love. And be a man that she can trust and be a man that she can say, OK, I can come to him and trust my heart. And I know he's going to protect. He's going to hold it and not shatter it to pieces.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And that's that's something that is quite a big part of being a godly wife to your husband is to being able to support him in his role as a leader and to see him as a leader in your. relationship in your home and you have a huge role as the wife for him to be able to fulfill that,

• Speaker #0

  that role he can't do if you're in the way,

• Speaker #1

  right. Or not helping him, right. Like hurting him in that position. So even if there's some things that you might see and you might have a way of, you know, I see us going down this path or I have this idea for our family. That's something you can bring to your husband and say, hey, what's your opinion on that? Or what do you think about that versus, you know, it's not it's not like you can't ever think of think of things on your own or you can't ever come up with ideas or anything like that. It's just allowing your husband to speak into really any area.

• Speaker #0

  And you might get it first. Right. OK. You may see something first and he does. But what did Esther do? Esther took it to prayer and said, Lord. What do I do? How do I approach this? And God gave her the time and he gave her the place and he gave her the way. This is how you bring this delicate matter to your husband so that it is received. So maybe you see it first. You take it to prayer. And God, what do I do with this? How do I approach this? He may say go. He may say wait. He may say keep praying. But trust that the man in your life is going to get it and is going to see it and respond accordingly. so you all can walk together. Two cannot walk unless they are agreed. So maybe we'll table this. We'd love to hear your comments on this to move it further because this respect and this honor is very, very vital. And one of the secrets, I'm telling you, if you get this part right, your relationship will go to a place you will be so grateful because this marriage is fun. Yes, it is. It's awesome. It is fruitful if we get this right. The love and the respect. Wow. So if that blessed you, give us a like and a thumbs up. We love to give you something as well for hanging out with us today. If you haven't gotten it already, we encourage you to download the five powerful prayers that every relationship needs, every couple needs. This will get you started on covering your spouse in prayer, coming together. And a family that does pray together stays together because it's hard to criticize somebody when you're praying for them. And God begins to show you, hey, things you can work on. But anyway, we've mapped out prayers. You can pray. We give you the scripture. We give you the verse. We give you a simple prayer. And we talk about it in this PDF. It's beautiful color PDF. You can download. It's very, very easy. Come straight to your phone or your device. And you can start today of praying over your relationship.

• Speaker #1

  That's right. So if something was stirring in you throughout our conversation today, a great place to start is those five prayers that every relationship should have. Those are going to be foundational prayers that you can implement today. So get that today. It will change your overall relationship, the atmosphere. And so we give you sample prayers. We give you foundational scriptures that are based upon. So go ahead, download that today and start there. It'll be a great blessing to you.

• Speaker #0

  Thanks so much for listening. Q1 is almost done. Hey, that rhymed. And thanks for sticking with us and for joining us on this amazing journey. Do us a favor. copy the link and then just text it to somebody that needs to hear this. And you think would be greatly encouraged by the episodes. We pray that every time you listen or you watch that you are encouraged, you are lifted up, you are built up. You get something that says, you know what? That really helped me in my relationship. We're here for you and we're praying for you. And we know that God's best for your life is soon to come. Again, thanks so much on behalf of Jennifer and myself. Thank you for watching, for listening. We'll see you next week. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

• Speaker #2

  Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social. and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.