"I spent five years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her." That one sentence, written by Bryan Reeves, has been read by tens of millions of people. On this episode of Men Talking Mindfulness, hosts Jon Macaskill and Will Schneider sit down with Bryan... former U.S. Air Force captain, relationship coach, and author of the book Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her... to talk about what men actually get wrong in their relationships and what it takes to fix it.

Bryan gets into the paradox at the center of every committed relationship... the need to care deeply about your partner while also holding onto yourself. He talks about why so many men bounce between total sacrifice and total detachment, why "what would serve we?" is the most powerful question a couple can ask, and why connection time is not productive time, even though every mission-oriented bone in your body says otherwise.

Jon and Bryan go deep on the two fears that show up in men over and over again... "I'm not worthy of love" and "I'm going to mess this up." They get into how those fears drive the shame cycle in relationships and how mindfulness is the practice that interrupts it. Bryan shares a story about studying the Tao Te Ching while being completely unable to apply any of it in his own relationship. Twenty-five years later, he can. The difference is reps.

They also talk about when leaving is the most loving choice, why men need men's work that isn't just beer and football, and why learning to play again matters more than most men realize.

What you'll hear in this episode:

• Why "checking the box" on your relationship is slowly killing it

• The paradox of caring and not caring at the same time

• The two core fears men bring to relationships and how they feed the shame cycle

• How mindfulness gives you access to repair after a fight

• Why the Gottman Institute says arguing past ten minutes is pointless

• When leaving in love is the right choice

• Why men's work and play are connected to being a better partner and parent

Bryan's book: Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her Bryan's website: bryanreeves.com (Bryan with a Y) Bryan's programs: Elevate Your Relationship, Elevate 2026 (annual men's group)

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Jon's new book, DIAL in Your Leadership: 4 Non-negotiables for Leading with Clarity, Trust, and Purpose, is available now on Amazon. https://a.co/d/0hYwI2Sz

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