Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host and founder, and today I'm here with my friend Brooklyn Simonia. And today we're just going to talk about being a single mother who is also a Christian and the strength that Brooklyn has and her story and journey and the way she's moved through something that was definitely not easy and how she leaned on the Lord and what that. all looked like. And before we begin, just a little reminder, we're still doing that giveaway, the $500 gift card of your choice. So if that's something you're interested in, go to our website, www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com. Click on the giveaways tab. That's where you will find all the ways that you can enter to win that gift card. So go look into that. And also, I say this before every episode, but I want everyone to know that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. The definition of a fulfilling life is unique to each person, and I don't want to sit here and tell you how to live your life. I just want to give you ideas, knowledge, inspiration, and stories to help you create a life that you think is beautiful.

• Speaker #1

  Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life.

• Speaker #0

  The podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation, and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions, and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to. Once again, I'm Ava Heimbach, your host, and I'm here with my friend, Brooklyn Simonia, and this is Stop Wasting Your Life. So welcome, Brooklyn.

• Speaker #1

  Thank you. Thanks for having me.

• Speaker #0

  I love having you in my house. Makes me so happy. Your beautiful face and your energy makes me so happy. But thank you again for being here. So to begin, just tell us a little bit about yourself. Give us the little rundown.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I always think that question is pretty interesting because it's like, where do you start? So a little bit about me. I am from Lawrence, Kansas. You and I have known each other for a few years now. We met through a mutual friend and really we connected on like the faith aspect that we shared together. I'm 27 years old, happily single. And yeah, I do a lot of different things. I am a single mother. I have a little boy who is two years old. His name is Seven Psalm. and I serve in the military. I'm going into my eighth year with the National Guard, Air Force National Guard. I currently work full time for the state of Kansas as a suicide prevention project manager.

• Speaker #0

  Really? Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. I didn't know that.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And then I'm doing actually part time right now. I'm working for the Department of Defense. Well, now the Department of War. and doing an innovation program with them. So that ends here in January, 2026. So that's been really fun, just working with people across the country to solve military issues and spending a lot of time on research and doing innovation projects to pitch to stakeholders that would be interested in solving those issues. So that's been really interesting. And then just running my business again, still trying to maintain that. I know last year, September of 25 is when I started my business full-time. And I know that we spent a lot of time, because I had the time in that season, to get to know each other. So to see how God has brought me full circle in just a year is like a testament to His grace and love and mercy. So I'm so grateful for where I'm at today because He's just always working.

• Speaker #0

  Oh, that's awesome. So your business is doing well?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, it's doing really well. I think it's doing better now in the sense that when I first started, there was the pressure of having to provide for myself and my kid. And so I think I got away from the creative aspect and I wasn't enjoying it so much for the work because I had to pay my bills. And so I started to actually kind of resent the craft and resent my business. So I reached a point where I was like, OK, I need a pivot. So I decided luckily I got the opportunity, like I said, to work for the state of Kansas. And then I've just been pursuing it part time, but I've been super busy.

• Speaker #0

  Yay. That's awesome. Yeah. So give us a little bit of what was your life like?

• Speaker #1

  before you had seven nervous laughter yeah i actually think about this a lot because i don't know if everybody has this kind of perspective but i feel like after you have a child it's like a rebirth of who you are and i think the old version of me it's like Part of me misses the autonomy of like myself before a kid and I wasn't responsible for someone else and I have so much grace for that girl before being a mother but there's so many things that I don't miss you know. Growing up I was very I was always creative I was always the person I was very outspoken going against the grain very opinionated and just driven and passionate about like life and life humbled me. I think a lot, a lot. quicker and a lot younger than most people. I went through some very, very tough times and I think I just built resilience younger than most people. And so I've always also been much more mature than people my age. I struggled growing up with my mental health. I struggled with my identity and just a lot of life aspects. And really, I think the Lord used me becoming a mother as that pivotal moment in changing my life. So. I know I could go a whole channel down what life was before, but really I'm just excited for where I'm at now, where I overcame.

• Speaker #0

  So how old were you when you had Sev?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, so I think I was 25, 24. I can't even remember. It's like blurred. So I think part of like my, I swear like part of my trauma is like I can't chronologically think of things anymore. I'm just like, I remember the time. I don't remember the timeline. But yeah, it was funny. I Okay, backstory. So I, out of high school, I went to college and I was playing sports in college. And I did two sports. I played basketball and softball through college. And going into my senior season, I was burnout. Like I was doing Army ROTC, playing softball, full-time basketball. And there were just various things that I just was like, I'm over it. So I quit. So I dropped out of school literally my senior year. After playing, I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. And I heard about, I don't even remember where, but about the ability to like be a journalist in the military. And I was like, that's dope. And I think the question is always funny when people are like, oh, why did you join the military? It's always everybody's question. And you're like supposed to have this fascinating like why. And I literally never had a why. I was just like, I used to like military movies. Like I wanted to be that guy running out with a camera like document it.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  So when I heard about this, I was like, yeah, that's what I want to do. Long story short, I didn't become like that version of what was in the movie, but I did become what I wanted, which was a photojournalist in the military. So I joined the military and then that quickly took off. So that happened for about three years that I was just like busy in the military space, like going to tech school and bootcamp and all the things. And I came back and I was in a relationship at the time and it was very toxic and rocky. And so after a while, I decided to go back to school. And my first semester back, I actually enrolled at KU, which was always kind of a dream after like going and playing sports, because that's my hometown and like just the biggest Jayhawk fan. And my first semester back, I'm talking like two months into school, right? And I was going to join a sports journalism program and I was going to be like a sideline photographer. Like I had all these dreams and aspirations and like I was in that moment of making it happen. And I found out that I was pregnant. It was like the hardest time of my life. I bet. Well actually finding out I thought was the hardest part and that was like the least of it. I was like okay I gotta figure some things out because like what was life gonna look like?

• Speaker #0

  Were you single then at that moment?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah so I was actually like full transparency I was just not being responsible. I was not being responsible. I was not in a dedicated relationship with anybody. And so it was a complete surprise and honestly a true miracle because before that, you know, a couple of years prior, when I said I was in a committed relationship, I had done some tests and was talking to doctors and things. And like, it had been expressed to me that I would have difficulty having kids. I was going through some, some medical things. So when it happened, I was like, oh, okay. And I just remember that moment thinking that life was literally over for me. I knew also that like, there was so much shame and guilt and confused, like all the emotions that came with it was like it felt like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. And looking hindsight now, like I get emotional thinking about it every single time because it's like, what if I hadn't trusted in the Lord and that, you know? So yeah, at the time I was single, I knew I was going to do it completely on my own. And to be honest, there was moments in the very beginning with the pressure of other people that didn't want me to keep the baby and told me that, you know, it was not a environment to raise a kid and really just. It was their opinion, but it was, I don't know. I think also this might sound crazy, but I was so lost and confused in that, that I was almost looking for somebody else to tell me what to do. And this sounds terrible, but it's the honest truth. The few people that I did tell, I literally started taking votes on it. I was like, somebody, if they said, yeah, you should keep the baby versus somebody that's like, no, I think you should get an abortion. I was like tallying it up. And I was like, okay, I'm going to give myself a few weeks and then like, then I'm going to decide. Because at the time I found out very early before really the embryo had a heartbeat. And so I was trying to rationalize in my head, like, oh, if it doesn't have a heartbeat, like it would be fine, it'd be fine. And I was just, it came from a place of fear. So again, a moment where I have grace for that version of me now. But I sat and contemplated for weeks and then I just remember sitting in my room and it's like one of those euphoric moments where like you just remember every detail and I was like crying out to the Lord and being like God I I don't know what to do I don't feel like I could do this on my own like how did I end up in this position I know I did it to myself but like why like why God and it was like this wave of the Holy Spirit came over me and I felt like immediate peace like this calm over like my spirit. I stopped crying. Like my whole body just felt relaxed. And I heard the Lord speak to me, which I don't feel like I've ever had a true, like prophetic moment of hearing the Holy spirit. And it felt like he literally put his hand on my shoulder and was like, it'll all be all right. And so in that moment, I made a promise to him and to myself and I was like, no matter what happens, I'm going to lean on the Lord only. And I'm going to figure this out on my own. I'm not going to depend on anybody else. Like I'm going to figure this out. So from that moment, moving forward, I started getting on my ducks in a row. And then, you know, months later letting everybody else know.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. Wow. That would be so hard. Like I remember when I first met you and you told me your story and I was like, I genuinely don't know if I could do that with such strength and trust in the Lord. Cause I think I would play this game of like, why me this sucks yeah and I'm gonna sit here and cry about it yeah a lot yeah but the way that you really took that on and you were like I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna do it with God and I'm gonna do it with myself yeah yeah you should be very proud of yourself

• Speaker #1

  I know you get that a lot and I know I say it every time I see you but no it's really encouraging it was hard and I think it was just one of those things because here's the thing I feel like the Lord puts us through how We as Christians and believers always ask the question, or just non-believers too, of like, why, if God is real, why do bad things happen? And the Bible specifically says like, there will be suffering. And then the Lord also gives us free will. So I was never, I mean, I think out of fear and like all these emotions, there was times that I questioned the Lord, but I also knew there was a sense of accountability. And I think that's where like, I'm proud of myself. And I feel like a lot of people lack the growth. And they always want to blame somebody else. But like, even in that situation, I couldn't blame to this day. I don't blame the other person. I don't blame. I don't believe anybody else, but myself. Like I made choices to put myself in a position. And the only way to get myself out of that position is to do what I'm like, to figure it out and leading the Lord in that. And so like my relationship with God in that was, I was literally at my lowest of lows. There's no way I would have came out of that if I didn't have him.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  And I think the Lord intentionally does that. He puts us in positions of suffering for us to realize that we can't do it on our own, that we have to rely on him, you know? And there was so much self-condemnation that came with that. And then, of course, shame from everybody else, because they want to pretend that nobody's ever slept with more than one person in their life, or like we're in a bad position. But I also want to use that moment to speak about the Lord again, because three months before I found out I was pregnant, I was in a mental health crisis. And like a year before that, like... I like to analyze why I get myself in positions or get to certain places. So there's a lot that we won't talk about that got me there. But three months before I found out I was pregnant, I was literally in hospitalization for my mental health and suicidal. And I was like the lowest of low that I've ever been and afraid of living to see how, like, again, I think the Lord used that moment to like birth. beauty from that situation because he didn't condemn me in that. Like he knew what would bring me out of that. And I think motherhood was always that for me. I think I'm super hardheaded. So I put myself in situations where like the Lord, he's very intentional. He'll give you signs. He'll put you through suffering. He'll punish you. And I'll go through the same punishment by times and still like think I could keep doing it. So it was like,

• Speaker #0

  you and me are both stubborn. We know this.

• Speaker #1

  Yes, yes. And so the Lord was like, I know one. thing. One thing. He's like,

• Speaker #0

  try getting past this one.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. Like literally one thing that'll just, just get you. And it, that was it. But it was such a blessing from it too.

• Speaker #0

  So would you say saved your life?

• Speaker #1

  No, absolutely. A thousand percent. I think that if I had not had my son and at the time that I did, I truly don't believe I would be here.

• Speaker #0

  So I've heard you say this a couple of times and I really like how you say it, but you say that you have. grace for that version of yourself in the past. Explain that to me. Like, what does that look like to you?

• Speaker #1

  So through like my healing journey, I had to bring a lot of things to the feet of Jesus and realize that a lot of my anguish and mental health and struggles was less about other people and more about like how I viewed myself and how I thought the Lord viewed me. Like in this last year, even I've learned so much about God's grace because my religious background i grew up christian and i had a relationship with my father and grew up in a church where it was super conservative christian it was very condemning it was like if you don't do this like or you do that you're going to hell or heaven like it was very black and white so i believe that like my salvation was based off the works that i did and so i never understood like the true meaning of baptism i never really even understood salvation like i knew i loved god i believed in God, but I felt like I had to have. my whole life cleaned up or I was not going to heaven and right after I had seven I had postpartum depression really really bad and another thing is I struggled with I never believed it until now coming on the other side of being sober that I was an alcoholic you know I had a DUI at one point I was going through all these classes that messed up my life and in that people would tell me like when I was in these courses they're like you know like you signs of alcoholism and i was like there's no way like i'm just everybody else's 20 year old kid that just goes out and parties and stuff and i knew that wasn't the direction of my life that i wanted so i got baptized two months after i had seven i dedicated his life to christ and i think in that moment i made a vow to god that my life was bigger than me it was you know i'm raising somebody that also is here to serve the kingdom And I have grace for that version, like all the versions of me before that, because I was just a lost sinner. Like I was a little girl who needed loving and to feel safe and secure. And I was seeking that in everybody else, you know, men, relationships, partying, social scenes, like all these things. And I realized the comfort and love and security that I deserved and that I was going to receive was going to come from nobody else but the Lord.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  And so when I got baptized, I remember sitting in a sermon because the moment I thought I was pregnant, girl, I didn't miss a Sunday. I was front row at church every Sunday, weeping. With the notebook out. Man, listen, weeping at the altar, like by myself, mind you, like I found so much community, but also found myself in the church. And so when I got baptized, I remember sitting in church and I Remember I hadn't got baptized. I'd always wanted to. I was at bootcamp one year and I thought about doing it. Like there's always moments and opportunities to get baptized, but the condemning background always came back and the devil was always in my ear. And I always felt like my life had to be cleaned up and I was like, I'll do it, but I have to wait till like this, this and that happens first. And I'll never forget. Pastor Justin had said, God can use you in whatever condition that you're in. And something about the Holy spirit, like struck me to the core. And it was like a light bulb moment that I was like, That's it. Like it just spoke to me and I was like, you're right. And so it was, you know, two Sundays later that I got baptized and going into the baptism portion, I'd, I'd watched hundreds of people get baptized before and people would talk about their experiences. And I just, it never seemed like realistic when they're like, Oh, you feel clean from your sins when you get to come up at the water. But again, that was another one of those euphoric moments that it was just insane and how the Holy Spirit works because I genuinely felt like an out of body experience when I came out from that water. And I felt like that version of me that I spoke about was shed. Like I felt like, I don't know how to describe it, but I felt like I came out of the water and she fell backwards and like was washed away in that water.

• Speaker #0

  Aw.

• Speaker #1

  So the grace of God is so good. And I think baptism was a true pivotal moment. I spent a whole year in the church learning myself, growing in intimacy with the Lord. And I think that. baptism moment was the turning point for my faith.

• Speaker #0

  So as someone, and I mentioned this all the time, because it's such a big part of my life. And that's that I, I carry shame from things that I've done in the past. And it's really hard for me to just forgive myself for that. Like, I think I've grown a lot and it's a lot easier for me to forgive myself for the things that I have done in the past and for the people I've hurt. But what would be your advice to someone? who is struggling with letting go of that shame and having that grace for the past version of themselves.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I think for me, it was learning that like, shame is your greatest chokehold. Like you will never move forward in life in the version of yourself. in living out your purpose in relationships if you hold on to that shame or you allow that shame to hold on to you, right? And so I also had to learn like, why does shame have so much power over me? Like, why does this one feeling? And I learned too that it's the devil, like that's his vice of keeping you in his grasp is your own condemning and your own shame. And so when I started to experience the Holy Spirit's grace, like what that actually felt and looked like, and when I started to live my life according to the Lord and seeing like how much he turned my life around I realized like the Lord will take you back every single time there is not a thing that you could do that the Lord still doesn't say come home and as somebody who didn't come from a nurturing background a loving background feeling like I had you know people parents whatever it may be that like protected me and always said you could come home I was pushed out in the world and was like forced to be resilient. I never had anyone to come back to as like a safety net. And so experiencing how the Lord does that though, and always welcomes me home, despite the wretch that I was, despite me being outside, despite me being in the trenches, despite me being angry and willingly disobedient to him. That's what shifted my perspective was. It was like, there's moments, even to this day, I was having a conversation with a friend this week about how I recently gone through a season where like, I used to always think being a Christian was linear. I was like, okay, I get baptized. I grow with the Lord. Like I'm a born again Christian. Life is just going to be life as a Christian. Now,

• Speaker #0

  like my ducks are going to be in a row. I'm going to be. Yes. Okay. Yes.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. And so when those waves, because life always ebbs and flows and we're still in a world of sin, when those waves come back where I want to be disobedient, or I'm going back to the old version of me and doing certain things that I shouldn't. When I am entertaining situations that don't serve me, I have to have grace for me in that moment too. Because it's like, if not, I'll consume myself with guilt and shame and run from the Lord. And that's what I'm working on in this season right now is stop running from God. You can't outrun him. And at the end of the day, why? Because if you run from him, who are you going to run to? who are you gonna run to yeah you have some people maybe other people have family a significant other they have certain things that they confide in but at the end of the day even when you confide in the people that love and care about you you have to sit with yourself and when you everybody sins everybody has some sort of shame everybody has some sort of guilt and all those things you have to face that and what do you do with that most people suppress it They project it on other things. They use other vices. But I feel like the best people or the most resilient people are those who sit with themselves, ask themselves the question, like, why do I carry these things with me? And literally give it back to God. That's what he's there for. He's always open with his hands to say, give it to me. Because those things are bigger than us. Only he can overcome those feelings. So I guess full circle, because that was a lot. I would say if somebody is struggling with shame or self condemnation, lean on the Lord, like literally take it to the feet of Jesus, even if it doesn't make sense. And I think one thing that I struggle with is just because of my shame, I run from myself and I run from him. And so I try to figure it out on my own. I'm learning right now this season that until I give it to God, I'm never going to overcome it.

• Speaker #0

  So when you say sit with yourself in God, what does that look like to you?

• Speaker #1

  It's literally just... spending the time to like think like it doesn't have to look a certain way thinking with myself sitting and thinking with myself is a struggle sometimes no for real it is it is and honestly as someone whose life is so busy i'm just now learning i've been a christian my whole life but there's so many things i'm always learning and one of them is like fasting like what does fasting look like and i asked a friend that has been discipling me is like how do i become better about prayer. Like prayer is actually uncomfortable for me. I think everybody thinks if you're a Christian, you know how to pray. And there's no one way to do it, but I think prayer can be uncomfortable for people, and it is for me. And so it's learning how to overcome that uncomfortability, and it's just retraining your thoughts. It's spending five or ten minutes on the car ride home. Like, I don't listen to the music and podcast in my car anymore. Like, I just sit in silence. And probably also because I have a toddler that, like... drives me nuts and overstimulates me so it's like i need the break you're like please silence yes but no i use that time to be intentional and like just think about things think about you know where i'm at why i'm feeling the way i'm feeling talking to god about it and being like i don't know why i feel this way and i don't have a solution so like i'm giving it to you god like you know it's your way like help me figure it out

• Speaker #0

  Just a little interruption. Our code for today's episode is 8653. So go to our website, www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com. Click on the giveaways tab and enter that code for a chance to win that $500 gift card of your choice. So tell me a little bit about your life as a mom. Like, just tell me what it's like to be a mom, because I have dogs and it's a challenge. So having a child sounds a little terrifying.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. OK, so I'm two and a half years in. So, you know, still going strong. Some might say I'm in the trenches, but really, I feel like I overcame them.

• Speaker #0

  He's still around. So that's good. Yeah, for sure. Giving him away.

• Speaker #1

  Surviving and thriving. If I were to say anything. No. Yeah. I think it's been. crazy like sometimes two and a half years sounds like a long time but then it doesn't at all and every season like of growing because it happens so so so fast and i know everybody says that like you have a baby they're like hold on to it it'll happen so fast and then in the moment you're like no actually can it speed up because i don't like this chapter i want to sleep again yeah no literally and then now that i'm like wow two and a half like i missed that like the early stages because i had postpartum really bad and I did not enjoy the newborn stage like I hated the newborn stage like all they do is just need you all the time I didn't like it and I'm like I don't even know if you're gonna be funny like what you're gonna look like really you just look like a little thing that needs me and I didn't like it so that was its own struggle and at the time and then also like just wow doing it on your own and for the first time is actually insane I had always been nurturing like I always played with baby when I was a kid and I like always loved kids, but then having one that's. You birthed and then it's there all the time and you're supposed to just know what to do was frightening and then just like having postpartum and not wanting to ask for help like I just sat at home for like the first five months and just figured it out and it was ugly and I was so unhappy and life didn't slow down. I was still in school, I was still working and then I was watching a baby on my own. And so about five months in. I was like, yeah, I need to figure out daycare. Cause I was like, I want to spend the first year at home, like be a stay at home mom, you know, how could I do that and pay my bills too? Like, I don't know. So at five months I put him at daycare and that was a huge help for me because I realized like I valued the time with him so much more when I got him back because I had that space to like think again. Yeah. And like the autonomy of just like being Brooklyn, even if it was for a few hours. So like that was a really hard season. And then the really hard part for me, I think the hardest was Through that, I was carrying so much shame and guilt. And so I actually remember, and I don't want to talk about it because it makes me cry every time. When I was pregnant, so going into my last trimester, I actually looked good. I looked good pregnant. And that wasn't the hard part. It was the mental battle. And I didn't realize how much like your hormones physiologically changed your brain chemistry. So like I'd always struggled with mental health, but I didn't realize like how much I couldn't control getting out of it because of the hormones. So like my last month I was getting back to a place of like I went five six days without sleeping or eating I was going back to like feeling suicidal and I remember having a conversation with my doctor and I was like You either need to check me in somewhere or get the baby out And I was feeling disconnected feeling like I don't even know just a lot of things So when it came down to probably the last four weeks, I remember walking out of my doctor's appointments office and sitting in my car And like the fear and reality was setting in, like, I'm about to give birth. I'm about to do this on my own. Like, I thought it was fine and dandy, but now I'm actually petrified. And I was on the phone with my mom and I started crying and I was like, I don't think I want him anymore. Ugh, makes me cry every time. Because like, if I had not, like, I'm just thinking like, what if I, what if I had done something different? And I was just like. I don't, you, you always dream about having a kid and like looking to somebody next to him. Like we did it or like, Oh my gosh, he looks like you more than me. And I didn't have that. So I was like, I don't know, like how I'm going to do this. And I don't, I don't think that I want to. And I think my mom in that moment, I didn't expect her to say this. And I think that she was just doing the best she could to be supportive because Usually she's very opinionated and we worked on our relationship in my pregnancy of her being more optimistic and like Not saying what she thinks and leaving, you know space for me to decide she said on the phone

• Speaker #0

  Whatever you want to do, I'll support you. Like if you want to put him up for adoption, that's okay. And again, I'm just like, I never in a million years, if you know my mom, would have expected her to say that. So I was like, wow, okay. So I had to sit with that. And I don't even know how I got from that point to like being in that hospital room and giving birth. But it was just a super real moment. And then I remember like, again, I was in a hospital room by myself. My mom did show up. and my sister showed up for me, but there was a lot of time that I was still by myself. You know, at night when I was laboring, they went home and I was in that room by myself, like going through all the pain. And I just felt again, trying to isolate myself and feeling like a burden to everybody else. Like I never called them. It was like, Hey, can you come back? Like I didn't want to ask. So I went through the trenches by myself of that. And then they were there in the room, you know, holding my hand when he was born. And when he came out, I remember like the Only thing that I could keep saying was like it's finally over and I think everybody else like had thought like oh the labor part like oh you know that sucked. Oh he's out like it's the hard part's over. Right right right. No but I felt like that chapter of like the hardest thing I've ever done of being pregnant and suffering alone and and the fear of not knowing and like that was over. I'm like it's. okay here's something in front of me that like i'm responsible for and bro i just can't even explain it but the way that he looked up at me he didn't come out crying and not in a bad way like they thought he was alone but he came out like with solitude he had these huge dark brown eyes and he just looked at me and like with these eyes i just kept blinking them you're like hello and then when they like put him on top of me he cracked a smile and i was like I've never seen a newborn like out the womb just smile And I have photos of it where like it's a live photo so you can hold it down and watch. And you could just see the way that he looked up at me and was like, you're my mom. Like you're mine and I'm yours. And in that moment, like it was just clarity for me again. Like, wow, God, like you, you did this. You knew what would save me. I'm so sorry for ever doubting you. Like. Lord, I'm sorry for doubting you, but seven, like, I'm so sorry that I ever thought anything different because literally I just and I know every parent says that, like, my life was, you know, but I have no words to describe what it's like being mom. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. And honestly, realistically, I don't wish that it had happened any sooner, but I'm like, I don't miss any version of me before this. Like, I absolutely love this season, even though for some people it might look like it's horrible and it is hard. It is hard. I still carry all those feelings and it is hard financially providing in this economy for you and another child.

• Speaker #1

  It's hard going this economy,

• Speaker #0

  like going every single day and being the provider and also like the educator and the support system and the nurturer and the disciplinarian and also taking care of myself and trying to have a social life and trying to date and trying to figure myself out and being a child of God. Like there's so many things, so many tabs open my brain all the time. But I wouldn't trade it for the world at all. And yeah,

• Speaker #1

  that's crazy. I know, but it's so cool, dude.

• Speaker #0

  But I think also it's really hard when you have moments like yesterday was Halloween. And I think that was really hard. It's hard when it's hard and you still have to pick yourself up and show that it's not hard.

• Speaker #2

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Because it's like, you're so proud of your kid. You want somebody else, especially the person that helped create it, to be proud with you and alongside you. And so like co-parenting is a whole other thing we can discuss, but it's just, you carry the guilt. And luckily my son is so young right now that thank, thank you God. He's naive. Like he's super smart. He's aware. Like he knows, like he's going through a season right now where he's asking for his daddy all the time. And it's really hard for me to rationalize and explain that to him. But at least he doesn't really have the ability to rationalize and understand what situation we're in. So I guess that's a part of why I am the way I am right now too, is I feel like if I want to provide better for my son and I want to be prepared to be a wife and to have a husband, like I have to do the hard work now. I almost feel like I'm on a timeline. I feel like I know I shouldn't be on a timeline and I'm not in control. The Lord is, but I feel like I have to do my due diligence to be the best version of myself as a mother, but as a woman and then a wife so that my son can have that. If I'm not working on myself now, how can I expect to have an anointing marriage? And then How can I expect to have somebody come in? our life and be that figure for seven. And I can never replace who his biological dad is. And I pray over his dad all the time. And I asked the Lord to convict him and to heal him. And I pray for that relationship for my son. But I also know like it could never happen. And that's something that I can't control either.

• Speaker #2

  So in relation to what we talked about today, being a single mom, being a woman of faith, what does not wasting your life look like to you?

• Speaker #0

  I think twofold being a woman of God and being a mom, there's just a responsibility to not waste your life. You know what I mean? One, being a mother, like somebody else's life is dependent on you and not wasting your life. And. I think it feeds right into being a Christian because it's like our role and responsibility as believers is to serve the Lord, to serve the kingdom, to bring others to the kingdom of God. And so if I'm not, if I'm wasting my life, then I'm not serving the Lord. And then also, if I am not being the best version of myself as a mother, then I'm not stewarding the gift that God gave me of being a mother to bring others to Christ as well. So I think that there's just a sense of responsibility and integrity and like being a single mom is not the life that I had imagined for myself, but it's the life that I got. And in that, like I want to serve the Lord and make him proud. And I want to honor him for the gift that he gave me. And I want to serve my child the best that I can. And so it's finding that passion, the purpose, despite like the circumstances that you're in. Like you said earlier on, I think. There was only a small moment where I felt like pity for myself, if at all, because it was like, what does pity do for you? Like you can wallow and waste your life sitting in your own pity or your own shame or your own condemnation, but it's like, then what? And as somebody who has been at the lowest of lows and knows what that feels like, no one wants to sit in that forever. So I knew the only way to overcome that was like, I had to save myself. No one was coming to save me. I didn't have a baby daddy coming in my life. I didn't have a partner who was playing a husband. I didn't have parents to come and rescue me. I didn't have friends. No one was going to get me out of that except myself and the Lord. And so because of my love for Him and His love and grace and kindness for me, my only objective in life moving forward is to serve Him the best I can and steward the gifts that He's given me and being a mom.

• Speaker #2

  Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review, give us a follow, and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com and we will see you next week.