- Speaker #0
Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host and founder, and today I'm here with my wonderful and wise mother, Mama Meg, the Megan Heimbach, MCH, however you know her, we all love her. And today we're going to be talking about Mama Meg's breakup. She literally was with a guy for six years and then broke up with him. I mean, that sounds crazy because I was with someone for like three and a half years. And when we broke up, I was absolutely devastated, like on the ground in a ball of tears, couldn't do anything and wanted to stay on the ground in a ball in tears. So we're going to hear about Mama Meg's experience after breaking up with a guy that she was with for six years. And we're also going to talk a little bit about. trusting your gut, which is Megan's number one rule in life, which is trust your gut. Since I was a little kid, she's always told me, trust your gut, trust your gut, trust your gut. And let me tell you, my gut never lies. So we're going to hear a little bit about Megan's philosophy on trusting your gut and everything that she has to say about that. Before we begin, we have a winner for our $500 gift card of your choice. Our winner is Lauren Wells. Lauren, congrats. You get a $500 gift card. So I went ahead and emailed you. So take a look for that email. And if for some reason you didn't receive that email, you can go ahead and just DM us on our Instagram account, or you can go to our website and contact us through that. I am trying to figure out right now what our next giveaway will be. So stay tuned for when we announce that. Are you interested in donating or sponsoring our podcast? Go to our website, www.stoplosingyourlifepodcast.com and click on either the sponsor or donate tab. This podcast runs on your guys' support. And if you enjoy listening, please consider donating or sponsoring us. It really would mean the entire world. And I say it before every single episode and I'm gonna say it again. There is no right or wrong way to live your life. The definition of a fulfilling life is unique to each person. We aren't here to tell you how to live your life, but just want to give you ideas, knowledge,
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and inspiration to help you create a life that's beautiful to you. Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life,
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the podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week, we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to.
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Once again, I'm Ava Heimbach,
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your host, and I'm here with the Mama Meg and this is Stop Wasting Your Life. Hello, Mom. Welcome.
- Speaker #1
Hi, Ava. I miss you.
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I miss you too. How is it? How are you feeling? How are you doing?
- Speaker #1
All is well. Just recovering from Thanksgiving and putting up Christmas.
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Oh, yep. Time for Christmas decorations. Did you get all the 80 bins that were in our basement upstairs?
- Speaker #1
I think I got like 79 of them and I need help with one more. One more? Yeah.
- Speaker #0
So hopefully Marvin will help you with that one, right?
- Speaker #1
Definitely. This is just what happens when you work at the Pottery Barn. You get a ton of holiday decorations for a really cheap price. And then you have 80 bins.
- Speaker #0
Hey, there's nothing wrong with having 80 bins worth of Christmas decorations.
- Speaker #1
No, I agree.
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There are a lot of worse things in life.
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It's magical.
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So before we begin and get into our topic, maybe, I know I know a lot about you, but maybe tell us, all the rest of us, a little bit about yourself.
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Okay, well, that's a big question.
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I know that is a broad question. That can be whatever you want it to be.
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Well, I've just started a new decade. I had a big 50th birthday this year.
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So prior to my
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50s, 50, I was born in Wichita Falls, Texas, and my parents moved to Los Angeles for a couple of years. But then we moved to Kansas City. So majority, let's see, 40, probably 47 years of my life were spent. Growing up in Kansas City and I had a great childhood. I played with my sisters in our basement all the time. Unfortunately, I found out as an adult that the radon levels were really high in the basement. So I'm a little worried because we spent so much time.
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I know every time we play down there, we always say, oh, it kind of smells like mold or something down there.
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So we're all probably physically I'm doing okay still. So that's good. But I had a great childhood. I grew it. riding my bike to the pool in the summer and with my sisters and my mom would say goodbye and we wouldn't see her all day and she wouldn't worry and we didn't have cell phones and we would ride our bikes home and we did it every day and every day when they announced the pool was going to close in like 10 minutes even though we'd been there for like the last eight hours plus we were always so disappointed like oh the pool's closing So great childhood and my parents loved to travel. So we got to go to a lot of fun places and make fun memories as a family. And I went to the University of Kansas for college and got a degree in public health. And let's see, then my single 20s, I lived in Kansas City. And my first big girl job was I worked for. a pharmaceutical company as a pharmaceutical rep, which was a great experience. I was the only female on a team of all men and they took good care of me. So that was fine. And I enjoyed that job for a few years, but ultimately it wasn't my passion, I felt like. So I wanted to go back into the public health realm. So it was either choose making a lot of money as a pharmaceutical rep and doing something that I was okay with, or going back to my love of public health and make no money, but be happy. And that's what I chose to do. And I worked for the American Cancer Society and then I had you and I had to go back to work because your dad was in dental school. Someone had to have a paycheck and health insurance for the family. And then when your dad graduated and got his job, then I chose to stay home with you and be a full-time mom. And now my job's over.
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No, no, no. It will never be over, Mom.
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It is. My job has changed now. My job title.
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There you go.
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I'm in a new phase of... figuring out who I am again and figuring out what I want to do for the next 50 years. And that's kind of funny because I kind of feel like I'm in the same boat as someone your age who's graduating from college and doesn't know what's next. And it can feel a little overwhelming, but I'm trying to feel excited because I am excited. And I don't know, phase two of Megan's life is coming up.
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So part one, this is part two.
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this is part two and I'm excited. So, and luckily I really love your dad. So I enjoy hanging out with him and I miss you and your sister, but it is really nice too, to have alone time with your dad and just kind of figure out life now, what it looks like. So, so yeah, that's a very short version of the first 50 years of my life.
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There you go. I can't wait for part two, which is 50. 50 to 100.
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Yes, we will need five, let's see, six minutes for that second half. Oh, okay. I'm sure they're just like, it took, what, me about five or six minutes to cover the first 50 years, so.
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Okay, everyone buckle down for six more minutes. Yep.
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We'll see what happens. I'm excited.
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Well, when we were brainstorming some ideas of what we could talk about, I casually threw out the idea of talking about your ex-boyfriends. only because let's hope they don't listen what yeah sorry should we can i say his name or no yeah just first names are fine ryan there's a lot of ryan's in the world so ryan if you're listening gosh i have something to tell you just kidding we're gonna talk about ryan because you guys dated for how many years six years
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Six years plus, I think. We started, like, really dating my sophomore year of high school. And then... I broke up with him right before I graduated from KU. So, yeah, a long time. And it made a big impact on my life because that was a lot of years. And those are formative years when you're, you know, my first love. And then also formative years where you're trying to figure yourself out and, you know, figure out your education and your future career. And a lot goes on in that period of life. So it was a huge chunk of my life.
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So tell me a little bit about your like early relationship with Ryan. Like how did you meet him? What did the like early years look like?
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Well, my parents kind of said you'd be 16 to like date someone. And the other rule they had is you can't get married until you're 26. So I had some parameters, which they jokingly would say that. But the point was just, you know, don't rush into anything. Make sure you know yourself. you know, really well before you get married. So we actually met in our church youth group. The church that I grew up in had a really fun youth group with great youth group leaders that profoundly impacted my life. And I did a lot with our youth group and made a lot of great friends. And that's where we met. So we started out as friends and did a lot just in like a group upsetting because of the nature of our youth group. And so, yeah, so I, I got, I had my first kiss with Ryan and it was actually the night before we were, we were going to take a family trip to Hawaii. And the night before we left for Hawaii, he kissed me. So it was my first kiss ever. And I don't even remember Hawaii hardly because I think I was so like enamored and in love. in. goo goo gock off and I was like what hula dancers you know I was just I was oblivious I was in love so so yeah so I definitely need to go back to some of those islands because I vaguely remember them but but yeah so my first love and we had a I think to some of the relationship in general and this is a total compliment to Ryan is we had a lot of fun together like we truly were best friends. That's how I felt. We had a lot of common interests and we loved like throwing the frisbee with each other and we loved mountain biking and we just, we laughed a lot and we enjoyed like cooking and renting a movie, going to Blockbuster. Do you know what a Blockbuster is?
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I do remember Blockbuster.
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Okay, good, good. So we'd go to Blockbuster, get movies and He was very focused on school and he was in a really intense program, which was he was studying architecture at KU, ironically, in Marvin Hall, which.
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Oh, yeah.
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Which he knew had to marry a Marvin one day, but but he was in Marvin Hall all the time. So I would go there a lot and study and hang out. And sometimes I'd help the architecture students cut things or color things in. And so. Really, I wasn't in a sorority. Really, my friends were more his friends because I was there so much. So, yeah, so I did a lot of studying and I didn't know it at the time, but I have ADHD and I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult. So it took me a long time to learn. Like, I always thought that I was just like a slow learner or, you know, like I would say like... I mixed numbers around. I know there's some kind of name for that. It's kind of like a numbers. Yeah, it's like a numbers dyslexia, but I would mix numbers up all the time. And little did I know that was actually like a diagnosis. I just thought I was slow, which is kind of sad, I guess, because, you know, I kind of saw it as like, I'm just slower than most people. And looking back, it probably would have really benefited me if I had been diagnosed. But. I was never diagnosed with ADD because I didn't cause problems. Like I'm a rule follower. I was always good in class and obeyed my teachers. So I was never, it was never flagged. And because I did get good grades, I figured out my own systems to figure out how to get through school. And that just took a lot of time. So I was probably the most boring college students ever. I think I went into a bar like. three times in four years at KU. I was a big dork. I had my own little table at the library that I always sat at, but it worked out well. Like I got good grades because he was always studying too. And yeah. And so, so it wasn't until my senior year that. And Ryan, you know, I'm thinking about graduating and Ryan would kind of throw out like ideas for what's next. And one of the things he would say is, what if we what if we moved to California? And just one day it dawned on me that like my gut instinct all along was that this wasn't the one, you know. And and I and my gut knew what I needed to do, like as far as like breaking up with him. but I never had the courage to, and it's hard to break up with someone because you lose the best friend also.
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And was there one moment or like a series of moments where you were like, okay, this relationship needs to end?
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There were a series of moments. And, you know, I, I've tried, I've tried to teach you and your sister to like, really trust that gut instinct in you, you know, whatever it is. Like, I think, you know, When you guys lived at home, I would say, you know, if your gut instinct says, don't get in that car with that, with your friend, you know, don't do it. Maybe they've been drinking and you, you know, but I really do believe that those gut instincts are God talking to you, the universe talking to you, you're in, you know, your inner self that is logical and smart and intuitive talking to you. And so that gut instinct was there many times, you know, over. over the years, just what I would call red flags that, that just concerned me just the way sometimes that I was treated and he did have a temper, which, which always kind of made me nervous that he could get so upset. If he got angry, he could really lose it. And that always made me nervous, but you know, those combination of those little red flags and I felt them, but I was just not wanting to face breaking up, you know? And so it wasn't until he started talking about the future where I really had to stop and go, I can't put off this gut instinct anymore. You know, this is the time I have to do it. There's no easy way through this. And I remember going to, I would have, I was going to a counselor off and on. during this during college. And I remember going to my counselor and saying, you know, I don't, I don't know what to do. Like my gut instinct says that this is not right, but you know, I'm listening to all these outside voices, like your grandmother, my mom had an opinion. She thought I should not get married for a long time and date lots of people. I had friends that like loved him and, you know, said, Oh no, don't, you can't break up. You guys are great together. You're so fun. And then I had other friends. like my roommate, my senior year that was like, I don't like that guy. You know, I had all these outside influences and I got so confused. I started to forget what my internal gut instinct was. And I remember that counselor saying to me, you've got to stop talking to so many people about this because you're just getting confused. She said, I want you to pick two people that you're going to talk with, you know, be open, have open dialogue with this. I remember thinking I'm going to talk to you, my counselor. Me? Me. I'm talking to you, my future baby. I'm going to talk to my counselor, and I'm going to talk to my older sister, Elizabeth. And those are the only two people. And I actually had to, like, request, like, I remember telling Mimi that I really. needed her to respect the fact that I didn't want her talking about it, you know, talking about Ryan and her concerns because I was feeling confused. And I had to tell my roommate at the time, I don't want to talk about it. Please respect that. And I had to really be like, stand up for myself and advocate for what I needed, which was hard for me to do because I'm a people pleaser by nature. But it was fascinating because it didn't take long once I really quieted down the outside noise to really be able to find that inside voice. And that inside voice was saying to me, this isn't the one. And I knew what I needed to do. And there's no easy way to go through a breakup. I've shared that with you and your sister when you've gone through heartache. Unfortunately, breakups are hard and they suck and it's just part of life. But when you're 50, You have more history behind you to be able to look at the hardest times in your life and say, wow, oh my gosh, now I get it. Now I know why that door closed, or, you know, now I know why I didn't get that job, or now I know why, you know, that... And that guy broke up with me. Like, you don't have the hindsight, you know, in your 20s that you do in your 50s and even later in life where you can say, wow, this, it all worked out for a reason. Now I get it. And that breakup was hard and painful. And I've told you stories about sobbing and, you know, just feeling. you know, doubting myself. I remember once we, he actually asked me to meet for lunch and we were sitting, I hadn't seen him at all. And this was probably four months or so after we broke up. And I remember sitting there and like doubting myself because I, like, I saw him and hearing his voice and I was in love again, but I knew like I had to trust my, my brain. not my heart, but my brain and knew that, no, I need to keep the course. And, and it was hard, but I got through it. And really it's like someone dying because they're in your life in every way. And then they're suddenly gone. So it was, it was hard. It was very, very hard.
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So what were some things that you in the relationship were things that you were like, okay. Maybe this isn't something that I see myself.
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Yeah.
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Or what's another way to say it?
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Well, no, I see. I think I know where you're going. I think, again, it's funny because of my experiences, the things that I learned, I have tried to teach you and your sister. So, but there's only one way to learn it, really. It's going through it. yourself. But I can give my input and my advice from my experiences. And one thing I always try to share with you girls is, you know, find someone that you feel treasured. And I think ultimately, I didn't feel treasured. Like I knew I should. I mean, of course, like he, you know, he did wonderful things, you know, for me. But ultimately, I felt like his priority was himself. And, and so what that looked like kind of was sometimes I felt like when I had achievements and things that I was really excited and happy about, he would kind of like downplay them and kind of talk them down, you know, instead of rejoicing with me, it was like, I don't know, it's hard to explain, but you know, it was, I didn't feel the same excitement. You're, you know, ultimately you're, you're a person. should be even more excited about your life than you are in a way, you know, like they're supposed to be your biggest cheerleader. And I, I kind of, my gut instinct was not that again, I mentioned the temper thing and that kind of, that kind of scared me or made me nervous just because I wasn't used to like someone going to like that extreme. And then there were little things like his mom worked and he said that, you know, he really feels like a wife should. be out working. And I didn't, didn't know if I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I thought I did because that's how, you know, I was raised with a mom that stayed home. But what I didn't like was at least I want the option. I don't want someone saying you need to go work, you know?
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Yeah.
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So that kind of was concerning politically. We were different. He definitely, you know, I came from a more conservative upbringing and. thought and he came from a more liberal way of thinking and thought and so there were some key key topics that we did not see eye to eye on and it seems like it was a bunch of like not like little things but it was a bunch of things that had kind of accumulated yeah exactly and and so it was yeah it wasn't like one big moment i'm like that's it i did find out that he had lied to me about. something when he was he was a year older than me so when he was a freshman at KU and I was still a senior in high school like I'd heard you know through the grapevine that like he was in the back of some car like kissing a girl and I confronted him and he said that it was a lie it didn't happen and he almost made me feel like I was crazy you know when people turn it and make gas lighting yes exactly that's exactly what it was and so He, oh my gosh, he made me feel horrible. Like I was in tears for doubting him and believing rumors. Well, I found out years later, he fessed up and said it really did happen. And I was like, great.
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And there's some key things.
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Oh, another thing was that there was this famous pianist that was coming to KU, like to the Performing Arts Center for a concert. And I asked him if he wanted to go. And he said, no, you know, I'm not interested. That saved money, something like that. So I didn't go. And then. oh my gosh, how did this happen? But then I found three ticket steps to the concert. He ended up going with the two girls across the hall from him and he had lied about it. You know, just those things you're like, okay, I can't.
- Speaker #0
That's crazy.
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I know.
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When did you find out about these? Yeah.
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Yeah. And it was always like turned on me, you know, like somehow everything became my problem. So, so yeah, I just, again, like I was just in love though. And, and we had a ton of fun together, you know? So it really was like losing a best friend and that was really hard to come to grips with. But I think the bottom line, like, I guess if there was any kind of event, it was, or any one thing, it was the dishonesty. Like when I started hearing, you know, finding out these. lies, you know, that, that if you can't trust someone, it's hard to come back from that. And I was raised by two parents that are still married, you know, 55, this is our 55th wedding anniversary. And I, my parents, I never saw them. I hardly saw them argue, but it was actually quite the opposite. Like they were always like touching each other, holding hands, curled up on the couch together. My dad was always very respectful to my mom. And, you know, so some of these things just didn't sit well just because of how I, how I was raised and what I saw, you know, and, and I didn't see him treating me like my dad had treated my mom, which, which is treasured. So, so yeah, so I tell you girls that all the time, you know, feel treasured and, and Dr. Laura always says on her show that I listened, And she. She's on Sirius XM, but she gives advice to people who call in. But she always says, choose wisely and treat kindly your future spouse or your spouse, which choose wisely. If you don't choose wisely, it can ruin your whole life, picking the wrong person, especially if you have kids together, you know, because then you are tied to that person forever. And that would be very hard. So, so just. I just knew it's not meant to be.
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So how did you handle the grief that you were experiencing after the breakup?
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It was hard because it was by far up to that point, all I was doing was having a blast at the pool every summer. I had never experienced grief. And it was very overwhelming. And actually my senior year of college, There was a period where I knew it was coming, you know, like that gut instinct. It's like, I need to do this, but I hadn't really, you know, just pulled off the bandaid and done it. Like I actually was very depressed and I was put on an antidepressant for the first time that year, my senior year of college, because I felt very overwhelmed, anxious, sad. It was really, really hard for me to deal with all this. And then also the stress of college and graduating and figuring out what you're doing next and breaking up with a boyfriend. I became really depressed. And it was the first time, like I said, I took an antidepressant and I just started having some really kind of dark thoughts. I was never suicidal, but... But I was thinking things that even scared myself. And I think one thing that happened that I knew I really had a problem, like needed to talk with someone, was I was taking a human anatomy class. And there was a cadaver lab, you know, where you learn human anatomy on cadavers, dead people. And... I remember one time being in that cadaver lab and there, there was three bodies in there. It was just so morbid and sad, but there were three bodies. Two were men and one was.
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a female, they're all older. But I remember looking at them and thinking, wow, this is so sad. I remember thinking, wow, they're so lucky. They look so peaceful. And, and that's when I think I really felt like this, this is bad. I need help. So, so that was, that was the point where I went in. Went to the counseling center on campus and started seeing someone there weekly and then was put on antidepressant. So, yeah, senior year of college is already overwhelming. And when anyone says, I feel overwhelmed, I don't know what to do, next in life I say, that's normal. Like, it is normal to feel overwhelmed. It's just learning to manage those feelings. And I've learned a lot. now about myself. So I know how to manage big feelings, but going through grief at that time, I had no idea how to deal with it. But once we actually broke up, I, one, I just had to stay really busy, keep myself occupied. I graduated from KU. I don't remember much about graduation and walking down the hill, you know, which is a tradition at the University of Kansas that you. Walked down this hill into the stadium for graduation because I was kind of just in a state of grief and in a weird way, shock. But I was really fortunate because I just happened to get a job that summer to go work at a camp in the Ozarks called Canacuck. And I got a job. My friend had done it and she said it was a lot of fun. And I had applied during the school year because it was really hard to get a position. And I applied thinking, I think in the back of my head, I kind of knew that maybe I would be broken up this summer. And I was thinking like it'd be a good escape to get out of here. And so I didn't think I'd get the job, but I did. And so I was really lucky because I still remember we drove down, me and my friend who has also worked at the camp, we drove down on my birthday on May 23rd. So we graduated like on the. you know, 15th, 16th, 17th of May. And then I had a report to camp on the 23rd. So that was a huge blessing just to get me out of here. And, and that was a great distraction. And, but I spent a lot of time crying at that camp and a lot like going on walks and just sobbing. And I spent a lot of time faking it, but what did I teach you, Ava?
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Fake it so you make it.
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Fake it till you make it. I did a lot of faking it till I make it, made it, which I never really made it. I just did a lot of faking, actually. But I was there for, I think, six weeks. And then I was really, really lucky again because I came home for a couple weeks. And then your Aunt Beth and your Aunt Sarah and I went backpacking in Europe together. So again, I was able to escape. That was a graduation gift. to the three of us. And so I was able to do to escape there. But I did a lot of crying on trains in Europe. And I told you my story about being in this little cafe in Paris with my sisters and this Phil Collins song came on. And I was a fountain. I started sobbing in this cute little cafe in Paris and just broke down. I mean, it was, it was hard and it was dark and I had so many doubts and I just had to keep distracting myself and putting one foot in front of the other. And like I said earlier, there's just no easy way to get through it. And then I came home from Europe and then I felt like I was finally making some progress. It was the end of summer and I still had technically one more semester of school. I had to do an internship. So. I was getting ready to start the internship. And then I heard that he had a girlfriend. And oh my gosh, that like devastated me. And my brain went spiraling. And all I could think about was, how can you replace me so quickly? I didn't realize I was that easy to get, you know, replaced. And I mean, it just, again, then it started all over. And then to make matters worse, my internship was. just a couple blocks away from his brand new job he got. He got a job as an architect in Kansas City. And the little architecture firm that... he worked for was actually like a house that they converted in downtown Kansas City. They'd convert this house into an architectural business, you know. And when I would go to my work at the American Cancer Society for my internship, the only way I could get there was to pass by that stupid little house. And it sat up on this hill. And so every morning I would drive by it and I'd See his car up. there and I would start sobbing. And this is, you know, now August or September. So we broke up, you know, in May. So this is August or September. And I'd see his car up there and I'd start sobbing. And I swear I took a hundred steps back and I'm, you know, back depressed. It was like a brand new wound all over again. And I'm doubting myself and the whole shebang. And I remember telling my counselor about this is horrible. Every morning I'm... bawling, you know, and she gave me some really great advice that I've passed on to you and your sister also. And it works for lots of things that are hard in life. But she said, okay, you need to allow yourself five minutes to sob. And, you know, set your alarm if you need to, which we have no excuses. Now, alarms back then were like, on your stove top.
- Speaker #1
You had a cat on your fingers.
- Speaker #0
You can set your alarm on your watch, on your phone. You have no reason to not know what five minutes is. So set your alarm for five minutes. Give yourself a good cry. Let it out. Like it's important to feel those feelings and not shove them in. But then after that, you're going to have a mantra. You're going to have some kind of mantra that you're going to focus on. And then you're going to move on from that. And so the mantra I chose was actually a Bible verse. And it's Jeremiah 29, 11, which to this day is still my favorite. And it says, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope in a future. And so I put that on like. Little index cards. And I stuck it everywhere. I stuck it in my car. I stuck it. I still remember my little apartment. I stuck it on the wall in the shower. So when I was washing my hair and looking up, I'd see my mantra. I stuck it on the microwave. I stuck it on my desk at my internship. I stuck that everywhere. And I would just repeat that after I. had a good cry and then just fake it till you make it just couldn't and it did get easier little by little and I'm telling you it was very very little but it did get better and I did get through it and it was probably a good year where I you know really grieved and and I would say after year, you know, is really when I. kind of turned the corner. But there was also one more thing that happened during this period that I was like, are you kidding me? Like, what are the chances, right? My neighbor, she and her husband had season tickets to the Royals baseball games, and she couldn't go one night. So she asked me if I wanted the tickets, the two tickets. And so I invited grandpa, because I wasn't dating anyone at the time. And honestly, I didn't even have very many girlfriends because I was so attached to him in college. I didn't go out and meet people. So I kind of didn't have a lot of girlfriends either. And so I invited Grandpa. And I don't know how many people can fit in Royals Stadium. Like, I don't know, 20,000? I don't know. Thousands. And guess who was sitting right behind us?
- Speaker #1
And that I remember this story,
- Speaker #0
the entire stadium and Ryan and his new girlfriend are sitting behind us. And I'm at the Royals game with my daddy.
- Speaker #1
Hey, there's nothing wrong with that.
- Speaker #0
And so the whole game, I just felt like, you know, like I, that feeling of like, you know, I staring at you or, you know, like I felt like, oh my gosh, that was a long, I don't know how long we stayed, but that was the longest.
- Speaker #1
baseball game they're already long but then you add that and you're like oh my gosh this is horrible hey i took dad to a rainbow kitten surprise concert because i didn't have anyone to go with so that's true don't hate on dads no definitely not hating on dads i've got a great dad
- Speaker #0
Yeah. So that again, like set me back a few steps because, you know, kind of seeing him about everything back in and then seeing his girlfriend was weird. And yeah, it was just, but you know, like looking back, I mean, all of these things, I can say, I'm really glad that I went through the challenges because I learned so much about myself. And if, if I could tell, Like take one. take away from the whole experience. It is that I, I am like, I'm proud of myself. Like I am strong and I'm resilient and, and I feel this sense of no matter what, no matter what happens in my life, I can get through it. You know, like that sense of like, I can do it. I can, I'm strong. I can, I'm confident. And so I do look back and think. okay, I can see why this is the way it is. And honestly, obviously the big thing is I look at your dad who I'm madly in love with and married for 24 years. And I look at him and I think, wow, I am so glad that I broke up with Ryan and eventually met your dad. It was, you know, I had a few like boyfriends in between that, but. But like your dad's my person and I'd go through all the heartache and the, you know, the depression and the anxiety. I'd go through it all again if it meant having your dad and having you girls ultimately. So, again, looking back, I know why I went through it. And I do feel like that it's important in life to take to take the hardest moments and really spend some time reflecting. on them and, and figuring out why you go through it. Like, what am I supposed to be learning from this? And, and it all does fall into place. And, you know, God never said life was easy. And, you know, my life was much easier than my mom and dad's life, you know, and in some ways, hopefully your life was easier in some ways, you know, but But I always try to remember in the most difficult, dark times that there is purpose here and there is a lesson here and I will get through it. And that's, you know, that's just how life is. Life is hard. And life, it's never easy. What hard looks like changes. Obviously, right now, I'm not going through any more breakups. so that's not what's hard.
- Speaker #1
Hopefully.
- Speaker #0
But there are other hard things, you know, in that you encounter and challenging times. And I would say that the last few years with you guys growing up and becoming independent and leaving the nest, which is exactly what you're supposed to do. And exactly the way I raised you. But it's hard when my full-time job was for the last, you know, how many years has been being a mom. And this is probably the second hardest time of my life is right now. But I also have that confidence. I'm going to get through it and, and watch out. You're just going to get a better, stronger, more powerful version of Mama Meg in the future.
- Speaker #1
Mama Meg 2.0.
- Speaker #0
Yeah, that's right. Stand back world. Here I come.
- Speaker #1
He's coming for you.
- Speaker #0
That's right. And I still have a lot of mothering to do, don't I, Ava?
- Speaker #1
Yes. I will never not need a mother.
- Speaker #0
And that never changes. I'm 50, and I still, if I don't feel well, I want to call my mommy, you know. Yeah. So I have to remember that my job is not completely over.
- Speaker #1
No, it is definitely not. And it probably will never be.
- Speaker #0
Probably not. So I just have to do, I do a lot of mothering towards our dogs now. And they're my new outlet for my motherly instincts.
- Speaker #1
Aww.
- Speaker #0
So, yeah. So, it's just life looks different. But, again, like I'm the hardest, darkest times. And there have been other ones, too. After I had you, I was the second time I was on antidepressants because I had really bad postpartum depression. And it was a really overwhelming, dark. period again for me. And... And I, you know, had, was back in counseling and went on antidepressants. And then, and then, you know, after I had your sister, after I had Sadie, again, I was, had bad postpartum depression. And actually it was at that time that I was finally diagnosed with ADD. And I have really bad ADD. It took that long to figure it out. But, but my counselor at the time when I was dealing with my postpartum depression, Because my ADD was not treated, that really added to my depression and anxiety. So she actually, I remember I was in a counseling session with her after I had Sadie, again, feeling depressed, back on antidepressants and feeling overwhelmed as a mom and feeling like I'm a horrible mom and all the above, all the dark thoughts. And she said to me one day, have you ever been tested for ADD? And I actually laughed out loud because... In my head, someone that has ADD is like bouncing off the walls, like the troublemaker in class that gets his name on the board, you know, and detention. And I was none of those. I did get detention actually a couple of times for being late to class. I must admit that. But otherwise, I was a good kid. And she said, I really think you have ADD. And I took the testing. I came in. It was like all. I don't remember hours of questions and I took all the testing and sure enough, she's like, you very much have ADD and she's, you know, I'm shocked that you haven't been diagnosed until now. However, she said, I see a lot of moms that after they have their second child is when they get diagnosed because, you know, one of my ways of coping with my ADD is order and lists. and things like that. And then when you have one child, it gets a little harder to have order and get things checked off your list. But that second child really puts you over the edge.
- Speaker #1
You're like, I can't no more.
- Speaker #0
You're like, I give up. I can't do it. I'm overwhelmed. I am depressed. And I just am waving the white flag. I give up. And so she said that that's actually very common for women to be diagnosed after the birth of their second child. So, So, yeah. So getting on the right medication for ADD, you know, taking an antidepressant really got me through that dark time. So, yeah, it all works out for the good. And there are definitely road bumps along the way. Remember, that's another thing I've always taught you girls is, you know, there's speed bumps in life. Sometimes you have to really slow down to get over it. And it might take a while. And then there are other speed bumps that are, you know, you break a little bit, but you just fly right over that speed bump and you keep going. So there. So was Ryan a big speed bump?
- Speaker #1
Ryan was a big speed bump, right?
- Speaker #0
It was a big speed bump. Yes, definitely. Definitely. But again, worth it in its own way.
- Speaker #1
So what is one piece of advice in relation to. breakups and kind of everything that we talked about today that you would give someone so that they don't quote unquote waste their lives?
- Speaker #0
Yes. Cause that was a big chunk of my life. Wasn't it hands down? Easy, easy answer. Trust your gut instinct. If something is just not feeling right, there is a reason for that. When I met your dad, your dad is not perfect. He, it's not like he didn't check every single list of the hundred things I wanted in the perfect man. The difference is, is my gut knew that he was the one that even the things that, you know, weren't perfect, quote unquote, they were okay not being perfect. I had that like inner peace about it. And I just think, again, for me, it's a way that God is talking to me. but that for someone else, it might be just, you know, your inner voice or the spirit world. I don't know, regardless of what you feel, you know, from a religious standpoint or whatever. But for me, God is trying to tell me something when I have those just gut instincts. And I just have one quick story about trusting gut instincts and it directly correlates with you, Ava. But you were in the back seat. You were a new little baby. You were in your car seat, you know, facing backwards, as you do when you're little like that. And you were in the... middle, you know, it was a bench seat back there and you were in the middle of that bench seat. And, and I was, we were driving home from somewhere and I was on a busy street and a busy two lane street. And I needed to get to go into the right lane because there was a, like a curve, you know, to go to, to make a right-hand turn, you know, it wasn't like a stop sign. It was a. one of those turn lanes. And, and so I started to speed up to go, cause there was a, like a dump truck next to me or a trash truck. And I started to speed up to like go in front of the trash truck to, to, you know, take that curve to turn right. And I can't explain it any other way, but my gut instinct said, slow down, which between you and me, I can tend to be a little bit of an aggressive driver. Don't tell your father. but, but, but for whatever reason, I started to speed up and my gut instinct said, slow down and go behind the trash truck. And I did that. And that trash truck took that curve and I noticed that it wasn't slowing down. Like it was really, it was going pretty, you know, pretty fast. This, the street was 45 miles per hour that we were coming off of. It was going pretty fast, but long story short, it took that curve. And it hit the, the brakes had gone out and it hit a light pole, like a street light pole. And the light pole fell and totally impaled through the back window of the car in front of it. And all I could think of was, oh my goodness, that's right where, if I had been in front of that trash truck, that's right where Ava was like, she probably would have been killed. And It was so horrible, but I was so glad that I had trusted that gut instinct. Again, whatever it was told me, slow down and go behind the truck because you probably would have been killed if I had been in front of it. And I just think that that's just a little lesson on how important it is just to trust those gut instincts in life. Again, not just about relationships, but taking a job or moving to a different city or for your dad and I, our gut instinct when we got married was we wanted to live in Hawaii at some point and just experience something totally new. And we did that after 22 years. We moved there and lived there during COVID and took a risk. But that gut instinct is trying to tell you what course in life you need to be going or you should be going. And so just my advice to anybody out there is trust that. Trust that inner voice.
- Speaker #1
Yay. Well, thank you again for coming on, Mom, and giving us all your wonderful wisdom about your big scary breakup. I know that when I was going through my big scary breakup. You gave me lots of good advice and I listened to some of it and didn't listen to a lot of it because I was so I was so overtaken by emotions that it was really hard to. But in hindsight, you were right.
- Speaker #0
Well, the bottom line when it comes to a breakup, Ava, like I told you, is there's no easy way to get through it. You cannot rush time. You know, when you grieve, there's part of you that wants to hit a fast forward button and just. Fast forward a few months so that you feel better because grief hurts. It is painful. There's no easy way to go through grief, but you just have to do it. So you learn firsthand. You have to just feel the feels and it sucks. And there's no magic answer or magic potion, unfortunately, but you have to give yourself grace and time to address those feelings. And sometimes you need an antidepressant and a counselor as well. So. I'm I, if I save anyone money from the hundreds of dollars I spent for counseling, passing on my advice, I am very happy to do so.
- Speaker #1
Well, thank you for all your advice. And now you are free to go snuggle Bebo and Poppy and spend time with them. Yes.
- Speaker #0
We, every night we have dance parties around here now that our kids are gone. It's just a party all the time. So yeah. Well, thank you for having me. I'm very proud of you. You're Such a beautiful young lady.
- Speaker #1
Thank you, Mom.
- Speaker #0
I would like to think I had something to do with that.
- Speaker #1
Of course you did.
- Speaker #0
Okay. Okay.
- Speaker #1
Love you.
- Speaker #0
Love you. Bye.
- Speaker #1
And that concludes our episode. I really hope you enjoyed our conversation with Mama Meg, learning all about her breakup and trusting your gut. Once again, guys, trusting your gut is just do it. Just trust your gut. Trust me. Trust Mama Meg. It never fails you. Again, congrats to Lauren Wells, who won the $500 gift card of her choice. Stay tuned for our next giveaway. Still trying to figure that one out. So in the next episode or two, we will announce that. Thanks again for listening and we will see you guys next time. Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review, give us a follow, and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com. and we will see you next week.
