Welcome to this week's Addicted Mind podcast. Our guest today is the wonderfully humorous and informative Liz Dube, and she’s here to talk about healing our sexuality, and finding our sexual satisfaction once we’re in recovery from addiction. Liz is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist with a private practice in Long Beach and Huntington Beach, California. Most of her clients are looking to increase their levels of intimacy and improving sexual and relationship satisfaction. How does addiction impact our sexuality? Sometimes, clients meet with Liz before they have found a balance between obsessive and compulsive sexual behaviors, and they’re trying to figure out how to have satisfying sex. And other times, people are in recovery wondering how to have satisfying sex now that they’re sober. To feel uninhibited during sex, they often used a substance to numb uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Some clients have a lack of comfort in sex, so when they use a substance or compulsive sexual behavior it makes it easier to have a sexual experience, but at the same time, they aren’t always present. Clients that are used to using a substance to feel more uninhibited during sex may have felt more comfortable communicating their wants and desires, but sober, they can find it scary to tell their partner what turns them on, or even to look them in the eye. In clients struggling with compulsive sexual behavior, they may have a part of their sexuality that they don't feel comfortable with sharing in a relationship that they care about. It can be hidden in their porn viewing, or maybe they are going outside of their relationship to fulfill the desires that they find uncomfortable to share. Liz helps clients by asking them what is keeping them from asking for what they want, and assessing the level of intimacy and the level of vulnerability they are having with their partner. And to assess whether or not they have realistic expectations. Sometimes clients are expecting their bodies to react in a way that is unrealistic. When clients are having sex with people they don't know very well, or they haven’t built a history of trust with, issues with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or an inability to orgasm, can be common. When you don’t know how a partner is going to react, it can be challenging to ask for what you want. Many people who struggle with addiction may have early attachment trauma, and it is sometimes difficult for them to regulate their emotions to be in an intimate relationship. These intimacy issues start to show up because they have a hard time connecting due to the intense emotionality. Liz explains that the first step in beginning this journey is to have a casual conversation with the client to get to know what has been going on in their life. Then giving the client permission to be in a place of open curiosity to figure out what they like and if they don't know what they want, then the conversation turns to answer that. Clients can ask themselves what excites them. What are your fears and worries? Understanding what our expectations are around sex and moving away from what we think sex should look like helps set realistic expectations around sex. Real sex is not like Hollywood movie sex. Human sexuality is complicated, should be explored organically, and in a safe environment. One of the key ideas is moving away from orgasm focused sex. It should be about exploring each other and enjoying each other. Have a pleasure session with yourself, or with your partner, without an expectation that your body is supposed to respond in any particular way. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-addicted-mind-podcast/donations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

TJ Woodward is with us today to talk about a system of care that he has developed called conscious recovery. Conscious recovery is a groundbreaking and practical approach to viewing and treating addiction. It’s how we see addiction and addiction treatment through the spiritual lens. Your spiritual life is a big part of recovery and finding a place of calm within yourself is a critical stage. TJ has worked, with remarkable results, for over a decade in spiritual care at top-tier treatment centers, and he has been in recovery for 31 years. TJ explains that conscious recovery started with a question: What might happen if I were to view all of his clients through the lens of wholeness imperfection rather than looking through the lens to see whats broken. Typically in western medicine, we look at symptoms and behaviors and try to eradicate them. Addiction is quite different. Once we view addiction as the problem or the client as broken in some way, we have limited the capacity of the client's ability to heal. In this mindset, we can look at the addiction, not as a problem but the solution to something. Once we view it at the answer, we can start asking the question “What is below that?” Conscious recovery is a program that helps us to get down to the more in-depth causes that are driving the addictive behavior. When a client sees that they have been using their addiction as a solution, and now it’s no longer working, they can break free from that. TJ shares his personal story of closing off and shutting down as a seven-year-old boy. Before that, he was a happy child, in awe of the world. Something happened when he was 7, and he closed down and shut off. There was not a specific event that happened but he found himself shutting down, and he did not find relief until he discovered drugs and alcohol at the age of 13. He recognizes that his addictions were a solution that worked in his life. They didn’t work long term, but they were the band-aid for some deeper wounds. That is what set the framework for how he looks at addiction. When clients understand that, there is a profound shift in themselves, and they no longer see their addiction as the problem, but what was it hiding underneath. TJ is quick to remind us that conscious recovery is looking through the spiritual lens. He does not deny that there is a physical or mental aspect that needs to be addressed as well. Conscious recovery is meant to assist someone and work with whatever therapy or program they prefer. In breaking the cycle of addiction, the first step is creating internal and external safety. Some clients need to go to treatment in a sober living environment to feel that sense of external safety. Learning to be in our bodies and to identify whats happening internally, and the connection with the thoughts and emotions, so that we can tolerate being with ourselves, will help to create our internal safety. TJ encourages anyone looking for the right clinician or therapist to ask questions. Ask how they view addiction, and how they see healing from addiction. It’s not going to look the same for everyone and if you don’t find the right person, keep looking. The main idea is to find someone that creates a safe environment for you. We end with a message of encouragement to reach out and get help. There are many excellent recovery programs and support groups to choose from. You alone must do it, but you don’t need to do it alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

We have a fantastic guest today. Dr. Tracy Zemansky is here to speak about the fascinating topic of psychological assessment, and how it can help you or your client on a journey of healing. What is a psychological assessment? It’s not what we typically see in the movies. It is a way of evaluating a particular part of an individual and trying to understand it more. To get as much information as possible psychological tests, interviews, questionnaires, behavioral observations, and sometimes collateral interviews, which are interviews with people that know the individual well, are used. Tracy explains that this process is like being a detective looking into someone's personality. Searching with the client, and possibly their therapist, at any concerns that may be getting in the way of their goals. We give the example of a client that is stuck and may not be able to gain long-term sobriety, or they may not be able to form the long-term relationships they want. Going through the process of psychological assessment may help to find more details that can be helpful. The tests Tracy uses differ significantly from client to client. A psychological assessment for a client that is working on their relationship difficulties would look very different from a client that is, for instance, struggling with alcohol addiction. Each assessment is created for the individual client. These tests can be anything from true or false or multiple choice questions which are scored by mathematical algorithms, to Rorschach style inkblot tests to observe how the client reacts to the unknown, and it is also scored in a particular way. How the client interacts in the room during the test is helpful as well. The results of these tests, the behavior of the client during testing, and what they and their therapist says are all used to getting a broad and revealing picture for the assessment. Psychological testing cannot predict the future and cannot tell us what caused our pasts. But testing can help us make links which can be useful in therapy. Setting concrete goals and asking questions that can be answered is essential. Going through a psychological assessment and getting this level of detail can help you set out a roadmap to pursue the life you want in recovery. It can speed up the therapeutic process by pointing out the roadblocks that have been in your way. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-addicted-mind-podcast/donations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

We are excited to have mental health therapist, and Air Force veteran, Megan Fenyoe as our guest today as we discuss trauma, addiction, and changing your mindset toward a more positive life. Megan has been a mental health therapist for over 15 years, primarily focusing in the areas of trauma and substance abuse. As an officer in the Air Force, Megan provided mental health services to veterans and active duty members mostly in the field of substance abuse. Most recently she has worked with patients in a hospital struggling with addiction. While working with patients throughout her career, she has focused on mindset and how your mindset can change the course of our lives. To help in her personal and professional life, Megan has developed some great mindset tools to help her get “unstuck” in those moments when life gets you down. We discuss what it means to have a positive mindset. We all have negative thoughts that alter our mood, and we all tend to say more negative than positive things about ourselves. Megan shares an incident she encountered with a guidance counselor who told her not to go to college, and also her experience of going through a painful divorce. Having many different mindset tools in our “tool-belt” is very important because one method is not going to work for every situation, especially when it comes to addiction and trauma. When we don’t have these mindset tools to help us through difficult times, we can turn to substances so that we don’t have to feel the pain of the trauma we have experienced. That instant gratification makes our hurt go away, but only for a moment. Finding the tools and the support that works for you is essential. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-addicted-mind-podcast/donations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Our guest today is Pete Finger from Sioux Falls, South Dakota. In this episode, he shares his recovery journey and how the support group Smart Recovery helped him to overcome addiction and helped him to enjoy the life he lives today by helping others through the same program that helped him. Mr. Finger had struggled with alcohol addiction for 20-30 years. Growing up in what he describes as an “addictive family” where cocktail parties were a big part of their lives, he used alcohol to cope with the trauma of abuse by a teacher. His addiction continued to escalate through college and beyond. An intervention at work helped Pete get into recovery. Pete’s history of trauma is not uncommon with people who struggle with addiction. To cope they find behaviors or substances to help them feel better and it slowly becomes unmanageable until we learn to stop beating yourself up and allow yourself to recover. Pete was fortunate enough to find a Smart Recovery facility in San Diego called Practical Recovery. It’s founder, Dr. Tom Horvath, developed their program through evidence-based practices and the following four tenants: building and maintaining motivation coping with urges managing thoughts feelings and behaviors living a balanced life These methods have worked well for Pete, and he has been sober for three years. thefix.com is the website that he used to find a positive place with individual attention and Smart Recovery was what he needed. Pete gives all the credit to Smart Recovery. Pete is trained as a Smart Recovery facilitator and has been working with their program for three years. Pete gives us an idea of what a typical Smart Recovery meeting looks like: There is an introduction and talk about what Smart Recovery is, and what it isn’t. Then they go around the room for “check-ins” which take almost 100% of the rest of the meeting time. Individuals take turns talking about their current struggles, how their week has been, relationships, and the raw emotions that come along with sobriety. In these meetings, cross-talk is encouraged. Individuals are encouraged to share their experiences as they relate to others and Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-addicted-mind-podcast/donations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Marnie Breecker from the Center for Relational Healing in Los Angeles joined me for the second part of our discussion on relational and betrayal trauma. She walked us through the Six Dimensions of Relational and Betrayal Trauma as well as the steps in the process of partner healing. The Six Dimensions are: Shattered Inner World – In this initial dimension, the four core beliefs (the world is benign and a source of pleasure; the world is meaningful, controllable, and just; people are trustworthy and worth relating to; and the self is worthy, lovable, good, and competent) are threatened by the traumatic event(s) of betrayal. This has been compared to the trauma of finding your house burned down and losing all of your belongings. Life Crisis – The disparity between belief and reality that develops after the discovery of the addiction causes the trauma symptoms discussed in Part One of our discussion with Marnie in Episode 21. This dimension can include wondering who to tell and where to get help, making childcare arrangements, handling other aspects of daily life that have been shaken, and the uncertainty of whether the threat of betrayal continues. Existential Trauma – In this dimension, the partner loses faith in their own ability to make decisions, questions the core beliefs around which they have created meaning, begins to approach this “new world” with distrust and fear, and experiences damage to the relationship with self. This can be the dimension that takes the longest to heal during the process. Emotional Trauma – This involves the patterns of emotional abuse (lying, deceiving, manipulating) used by the addict to keep their secret. Emotional trauma can be overt (rage, yelling, etc.) or covert (sophisticated attack patterns in which the anger is less obvious because the addict casts blame or makes the partner feel crazy, which can be known as “gaslighting”). Sexual Trauma – Neglecting to address the partner’s sexual trauma makes later restoration and healing more challenging, so it is crucial for their feelings to be validated and their responses to be normalized. Relational Trauma – In this dimension of trauma, the addict must build the skill of empathy and understand that relational healing will take a lot of time and patience. There are no shortcuts to relational healing after the drastic rupture of betrayal that has occurred. The steps for partner healing are contingent on their basic background: Do they have children? Are they married to the addict who betrayed them? Do they have a history of abuse? Do they have a mental illness that will need to be factored into their healing process? The first step for partner healing is to reach out for help.  The second step is for the partner to seek out resources such as strategies for coping, meeting with a doctor if they are in need of medication, and joining a support group.  The third step is for the partner to come up with a list of what they need in order to feel safe in the relationship if the individuals have decided to restore their relationship. The fourth step is for the partner to identify the losses they have suffered because of the betrayal so that they can adequately grieve or mourn and be able to move on. Finally, the partner’s counseling and healing process should involve different modalities which will heal the nervous system. For more information about the “Helping Couples Heal” 2-day workshop focusing on the Six Dimensions discussed in this podcast as well as providing tools to heal the relationship hosted by the Center for Relational Healing, visit http://lacrh.com/workshops-and-groups/. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Our guest today is Marnie Breecker from the Center for Relational Healing in Los Angeles. In this first episode of a two-part series on the topic of relational and betrayal trauma, we will be defining what this type of trauma looks like and its impacts on both partners in the relationship. As a sex addiction therapist and a marriage and family therapist, Marnie is an expert identifying and assessing the traumatic impact of the discovery of infidelity or betrayal on relationships as a whole and on the individuals involved. She shares with us that there are two types of trauma that affected partners go through: the trauma of discovery and the trauma of their own response to the betrayal. It is very rare for addicts to come forward for help on their own, so it is likely that the partner has discovered the betrayal either intentionally or unintentionally through their partner’s computer history, text messages, or receipts and bank statements. Upon this initial discovery of betrayal, the partner can exhibit symptoms of depression, shock, anger, hypervigilance, isolating behavior, lifestyle changes such as beginning to smoke or drink, and a general questioning of everything they thought was true before this discovery. When the partner’s expectations are violated, they lose trust in their partner as well as themselves, and they begin seeking safety in a variety of ways because they feel that they cannot trust their own senses.   After the initial trauma of discovery has run its course, partners often go through a time of trauma about their own response to the betrayal, extending their questioning of everything they thought was true as well as noticing ways that their lifestyle may have changed during the process. Common reactions to betrayal include obsession, depression, anger, hypervigilance, and rumination on the betrayal, and these reactions can cause the partners to lose faith in themselves and their abilities to make rational decisions. Marnie identified the five dimensions of trauma as emotional, sexual, existential, life crisis, and relational, so the healing process must encompass each of these dimensions. When reconciliation begins between the two partners in the relationship, it is important for the recovering addict to put in the effort to support their partner and not exasperate the trauma that they have gone through. There is always opportunity for rupture or repair, and even in the recovery process there are triggers that could unearth aspects of the trauma that have or have not yet been dealt with. Though this is a tough journey, it is important to remember that it will not always be this way, there are plenty of resources to help heal from relational betrayal, and there is hope. To find out more about Marnie and the Center for Relational Healing, visit lacrh.org or call (323) 860-9999. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-addicted-mind-podcast/donations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Our guest today is Chris Shorrock, a psychologist in private practice in Medicine Hat. Our point of discussion is the opioid addiction and opioid epidemic, and Chris understands this topic very well. He’s got experience in treating addicted disorders in different treatment centers that he’s been working with after being a registered psychologist. He’s also worked at the methadone maintenance treatment program. So we can certify he’s got first-hand experience dealing with opioid addiction. An opioid is a powerful form of painkiller that’s known to suppress very intense pain. Nothing can compare to how effective opioid can be at masking or lowering pain. It must be noted that there’s a considerable difference between opioid and other forms of drugs like cocaine, alcohol, marijuana, etc. However, opioid does not in any way help to heal a particular disease but really what it does is it numbs your feelings so you won't feel pain intensely. It's been puzzling to psychology practitioners to understand why opioid patients become so addicted even after healing. Recent research has shown it is the turn-on of addictive genes and it goes from using the drug to numb pain to abuse and ultimately addiction, which is hard to overcome. When you think of opioid addiction, your mind goes straight to the homeless on the streets, but there are people of all socio-economic status, race, a religion that are dealing with addictive disorders with an opioid. Some people can be from wealthy families, and that can make the issue much more difficult to treat because there's always a form of denial with them. Opioid addiction is now an epidemic. People are dropping dead today than any other time in history. A probable cause of this is that now opioids are produced chemically. Fentanyl is a fully synthetic compound, which means it's not using parts of the opioid poppy or plants anymore. Refining opioids made them even more powerful and refined down, which is useful but can dangerous. With these new drugs, some addictive properties were underreported and overprescribed. Oxycodone was changed to Oxyneo to try and become tamper-resistant such that you couldn’t snort, or crush them, or inject them. It is so powerful that changing the mode of ingestion made it a whole different drug. It's effective in suppressing pain but incredibly dangerous, and this is what led to allegations that the pharmaceutical responsible for it knew about how addictive this drug could become but just gave it out as a safe alternative. It’s been discovered that taking the same amount of opioid over a given amount of time will start to have a lesser effect which can become an issue even in a regimented regular opioid use in problems like chronic pain. Although there are other forms of treatment, the oldest and probably the best is taking all the opioid drugs, trade them all in and get a monitored, measured, regular dose of methadone. This can control the withdrawal symptoms, and it can also withdraw a considerable amount of perceived pain. It's not an easy fix, though, but it's helpful. However, one thing that Christopher has found in his practice is that the treatment differs between teenagers and adults. For teenagers, you need to have a form of active outdoor activity that leads to relationships if you want a chance of having a therapeutic relationship with them. By all means, if you know anyone dealing with any addiction it might be friends, family, or even yourself, just come out of the shadows and ask for help. There are different kinds of support out there, and you only have to make an effort to know what will work for you. Not all routes you use will work, but don't give up, try something different. You can get your life back and live the kind of life you want to ultimately. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-addicted-mind-podcast/donations Learn more about y...

In this episode, we talk about sacrificial helpers’ syndrome, great for people who are in the helper profession or volunteer helpers. Sacrificial help syndrome can be defined as people giving more than they have for the people they serve. Our guest today is Katie Vernoy. A licensed family therapist, a coach, and consultant with helpers based in Torrance, California. As she says, she helps helpers to help better. Most people who’ve had traumatic experiences that completely changed their lives can end up with this syndrome because they just want others to get through it better than they did and in between that they don't think of taking care of themselves. For therapists, they put their own needs at bay and focus on what other people need and how they can help them. Working past normal working hours, neglecting own self-care practices, scheduling in clients during personal time, foregoing meals just to help someone out are mostly signs that you're sacrificing yourself too much. Katie’s experience came about when she was working in public mental health. She worked extra hours, focused more on her staff and clients, and she burned out because she was so passionate about what she was doing to the point of neglecting self-care. After going out solo, she realized it was important for helpers to take care of themselves because if not, eventually, the help they offer won't be available. Within the profession, it’s often expected of you to be overly benevolent out of the goodness of your heart, so when you ask for money, or set limits and say no sometimes there can be a backlash from the society. It's expected of you to do this. However, part of your helping has to have some limits because you need to empower people to start their recovery on their own. Access if the client’s emergency call is a crisis or if it's possible for them to problem-solve on their own and practice self-soothing techniques. Yes, it’s hard to say no to a client at a critical moment, but learning to set limits helps tremendously in improving your service. Most often than not, when you started feeling as though your clients should cancel on appointments or grumpy, or you feel fatigued and burned out, it's a sign that you’ve started or are giving too much already. At this point, you can't care much anymore, and it's a clear sign that you should take some time off and do some consultation. Never risk your recovery for someone else’s. The first recovery of the syndrome is recognizing you’ve got a problem. You should then address it efficiently and start making time for yourself. Set aside some time to do some mandatory extracurricular activities, e.g., meeting up a friend, shopping, surfing, etc. Make sure you hold yourself accountable or find an accountability partner. Accountability will help you make better choices and get some well-deserved rest. You're valuable, take care of yourself. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-addicted-mind-podcast/donations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Welcome to the Addicted Mind Podcast. Today, we are delighted to bring you the wisdom and expertise of Dr. Adina Silvestri, EdD, LPC as she talks about her research on women seeking addiction treatment. Dr. Adina Silvestri is a licensed Professional Counselor in Richmond, Virginia and the founder of Life Cycles Counseling. One of her specialties is helping women that are struggling with substance abuse recover from shame to find hope and healing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.