Speaker #0Hi, welcome to The Pulse. I hope you are doing well. My name is Julie, I am your host, and today is our 11th episode. And I'm very excited about today's topic. It's very much related to what happened last two weeks ago, actually, when I shared for the first time that I have been doing this podcast since now, since June, and I've shared it mainly on LinkedIn and that was very new to my network. And I thank everyone, first of all, for joining, all the new ones. Thanks for the likes and also, I'm happy to have you for listening in. Basically today in this episode, I wanted to talk about being a chatty person. And I have, let's put it that way, I have comparison to other people that I know quite well. Some friends of mine that are a lot different than I am, less chatty. very much keeping everything for themselves. And so for me, during the last two weeks, but even further, because some of them already knew before, some of them didn't, that I was doing this, but I had a few discussions with different people where we were chatting really about opening up and being someone that shares about their life, about what they're going through, about their plan, also career-wise, personally. across the board and other people that are more quiet and want to keep everything for themselves. Nowhere near my intention here in this podcast to say that I am right in sharing because I don't think I am all the time that I do is correct. I also have to say that there was an episode I recorded that I felt all of a sudden that potentially was oversharing. So I've not released it yet. I've discussed it with some friends and we've talked about maybe having someone external listening to it and letting me know what they thought. But overall, what for me was important in this is to kind of put the pros and cons and discuss about why I am someone that shares, what's my objective with it. And also to try to share a little bit of some of the pieces I've heard, some of the feedback I've heard from my friends. So the people that I know that are sharing less on why they're not sharing so much without telling their name, without like putting them on the spot, just for me to do a bit of a recap. and to help you decide where do you fit in and to have an open and honest conversation like I think I do in most episodes. As you can maybe see if you're watching some clips on Instagram I'm currently again away from my regular home and I hope still everything goes smoothly with the recording but I wish you again a very nice episode thanks for joining in and let's kick in on this chatty vibe. topic I guess. Some time ago when I was looking at some point for a job I was talking with some of my colleagues and sharing with them how I was looking for a job or where I was at in the process I think I had like at the time two or three job applications within the company I think one external and I was sharing with them where I was at in the process so one I think I was interviewing for the first time and now the one I was just having a coffee chat but But basically, I had shared, not with everybody, of course, but with quite a few people that I consider being comfortable with around my office. It feels friends-like. I know some people are struggling with the friends term, but for me, I do feel like I found some amazing friends at work. And so I was sharing with some of them where I was at in the process and what I was looking for and the difficulties. and why was I... doing it while I was having a job at the time and through this conversation they shared gave some advice they also allowed me to to speak freely and for them to listen and and be open to hearing me understanding the fact that I needed to speak about it basically and so a couple of months I think was later a friend of mine who I had shared about and I was also talking to her sometime giving her advice in regards to not job application but more in regard to career and all of a sudden I hear she got a promotion which for me is amazing and I was so happy for her but I was super confused because she had never told me anything I didn't know she was in process I didn't know she was even thinking of applying that she felt it was time for her And of course sometimes things happen for a reason and things get super fast and again it was for me a bit a time where I kind of reflected because I was like oh wait a minute. I shared so much about my process and then she didn't share anything. And we had a chat and we talked about it and she shared to me that for her, she always keeps those things very private. She tells maybe very, very like basically her family, her loved one, but that's basically it. She doesn't tell anybody else. And it was difficult at the beginning for me to understand that. I have to be honest and I don't want to make it sound like... I understood directly it was a struggle because I felt, OK, but I'm sharing, but the person is not sharing back. So I feel like there is a disconnect between who we are as people and the level of trust that we have. And it was not related to that after discussing further with her, after discussing with some other people. It seems that there are quite a lot of people that do not want to share about their career development, about what they want. in their life. And I was trying to understand where the dynamic comes from and why is it that some people like to share? Because I've also had some other friends that openly shared, currently I'm in this position and I'm not happy or I'm looking for a new job or I would really like to apply to this and that position. And some others that literally shared nothing. And really, it was a struggle for me to share that very heavy contrast. And to understand where it was coming from. Because for me, when you're my friends and we're friends, we're friends everywhere in our life. And that means that if I can help you in any way in your career, if I can support you just by cheering you on, motivating you, or you had a rough interview and you need to have a coffee or hot chocolate or pick me up. This is also my personality. And so it was very difficult. To see that point of view where I felt the person didn't trust me to share, but also didn't trust that I would be there for them. And what I got as a feedback was, it's not the reason why I'm not sharing. It's more because if something happened, I would be ashamed. It's more, if something goes wrong, if I don't get the position, I'll be feeling bad about it. I'll feel ashamed that I even dare to apply. But for me, I don't know if it's the environment I grew up in. Because I would like to say also potentially the US part impacted that overall approach long term in my career, in my mindset. But for me, by sharing, even if I'm struggling, if I don't get a position, potentially I'm not the right candidate. And maybe I'm not good at it. Fully can understand that. But also most of the time I'm competing against others. And maybe I'm just not the best for the position right now because there are other people that are... better suited that applied at the same exact time and that doesn't make me a failure it doesn't make me like a worst worker or worse in my job but for some people it seems that every time they apply to a position every time they they do this process they keep up from them from themselves to avoid that if there is a negative response that yeah they feel I guess I don't know if it's a shame or it feels like they're not They're not such worse than they thought they were, but to me, it's a different perspective. And that was super tough because it really challenged me on my thought of, okay, like, am I then oversharing from my angle on where I'm at in the process? Should I be more quiet? Should I not involve also, sometimes I've involved in the past my leaders and I have had some amazing response where when I told them that I was looking for another job because it was time for me to go based on my growth and what I had done and I thanked them for... All the opportunity I had with them in where I was at, but it was time for me to grow. I had some amazing response. I also had some negative response, which at some point made me also keep from myself and not tell some of my bosses. So also sometime I had this back and forth, but I never thought from my angle not to share it with my friends. And so that was the first time where this chatty, I don't know if you say chatty Cathy or something like this, but this chatty side. For me, it became like obvious that maybe I was sometime oversharing and troubled me a little bit in my thought process. But then I was really thinking about it because why do I share so much? And why does this matter so much to me that I tell people where I'm at? And here I talk about the career process, but I could pick some other topic. Like, it's because... For me, sharing is not just about talking or chatting, it's not only about talking, but it's about building trust and connection with the people. And also... It's the opportunity for me to exchange and to maybe help others. And bear with me for a second, because I want to make sure that I explain it properly. But in the past, whenever I've shared or whenever people shared their experience with me, it helped me learn and grow for myself or not make the mistake that they did before and that they shared with me. Or I made this mistake by doing ABC. So I would advise you not to do it. my decision, if I want to decide to do it or not, or if I want to decide to make the mistake or to listen to their knowledge of what they've learned. And it's a bit similar, the similar way why I approach this, that in the case of, look, let me show you that is not perfect. Let me show you that it's hard. I need it for also my personal day-to-day life. This is who I am as a person. I I need to share, I need to talk. But also there is an element of, By sharing, maybe that helps someone else. Even though I'm struggling, at least there is a good thing behind by helping someone else not to make the same mistake I made potentially. And I think this is one of the elements where I come from. Based on what I've talked so far, of course, I gave an example that was quite work-related, but I think you can find as well topics that are more personal and it's valid in everywhere in your life. And now what I would like you to do, because I would like to make those episodes a bit interactive, please feel free to comment on either Instagram or either on the podcast comment sections. I think for every platform you have today, a comment section. But I would love to hear that one thing that you have shared that you wish you hadn't. And I'm not asking you to say exactly what it was, but I would love to hear if that happened to you before. If you have felt that guilt after sharing something, oh, I should not have shared that, or I should have kept it for myself, or I don't know if it was right to share it or not. Because I feel it very often to be fairly transparent. And because within the reflection that we can have, it sometimes happens that you need to share and it can be a physical. needs it can be an emotional needs that you need to talk to to your friends to your family and and let them know okay yeah i need to to tell you something and potentially later on you're like oh maybe i should have kept that for myself and that doesn't mean that one way or the other is is bad it's just important to know why you're feeling this way that you overshared because potentially you need it in that moment. And when you are... growing and developing yourself you're gonna make mistake and it's the same thing with this topic right sometime you're gonna overshare in moments that you think oh maybe I shouldn't have and then you're gonna have to to balance it out to understand okay was it really um that I didn't need to overshare that did I really overshare like try to analyze it then based on that you'll understand why is it that I did it did it feel good or not does it have a negative impact or not and you should then have that overall. feeling, becoming clearer in terms of like what was actually the right thing or not for you. Again, this is for you, not for others. It's also very powerful on the other side to stay quiet and say nothing and keep things for yourself. So I also want to acknowledge that at some time, not saying something that we have in our mind that is important to us and keeping it can also have a certain level of power. And it's important to sometime then figure it out. Should I have shared or not on the other side? And why was it so important for me to keep it for myself this time around? Why was it so important for me to limit the amount of people that I shared this element with? Or why did I keep it quiet really for myself? And I can give again an example. This podcast, I'm someone that share, right? I mean, I do this. For a reason, I talk a lot, I'm chatty, but it's about really learning, it's about sharing. Look, I'm not saying you should bottle everything up. Life is too short for this, but let's talk about how to share smart and how to avoid feeling guilty or feeling cringe after sharing something. I did not share this podcast on LinkedIn until last episode, which was episode 10. So it was October when I started in June. Why did I keep that for myself? Why did only my close friends knew about it? Why did I not open it before? It was only my reason why I did this and what was my objective behind. And as long as you feel comfortable with your decision of where it comes from and in what context you're doing it, etc., then it's okay. And for me, while I shared so much already about my life in this podcast and I will keep on sharing and opening up, however, I make the decision when I push the message toward a greater audience. And of course, People could have found out about me way before, even though I haven't shared with them. But why did I decide to not for the first episode on to put it on LinkedIn? Why did I not broadcast it into the world in a way? It was because I needed that feeling of comfort of like starting smaller and building up and growing and feeling comfortable with the topic, the content before I share it further. So even though I do it online, even though you can... see from episode one what's going on and you hear a lot about about my life and about growth and developments in my learning however i decided to bring that message at a different point in time to different people and that is really also the power that you have when you chat a lot of people think that i share a lot very often and i won't lie i definitely do more than a regular person but I still sometimes carefully choose my audience, my content, what do I say, etc. And this is also what you have to do. And this is why also I mentioned that it's powerful sometimes to keep things for yourself. And I want to acknowledge my friends who rather keep things for themselves, why they are doing it. And I also value their opinion and their approach into day-to-day. I think it's important to acknowledge that whenever you go through that process of deciding sharing, not sharing, opening up to people, keeping things quiet for yourself, whenever you find it's really finding a balance basically in term of understanding what you share, how this builds your relationships, how this builds your reputation, your peace of mind. your environment and why you're doing it. I have heard so many times people saying you talk too much, people saying to some other people I don't hear you enough, I have someone that I know very quiet, very introverted, does not talk too often, limits their words and being told by other people That you don't talk enough or you talk too much. Doesn't matter which spectrum you're in. It's not okay. Because it's a decision at the end of the day of the person. You need to give space for each other. You need to give the opportunity for the other one to speak. So also have this awareness. And I'm not saying I'm the best always to do that. Sometimes I want to like talk with the person to tell them that I'm... connected to them, I understand where they're coming from, almost wanted to finish that sentence, my personal issue, but don't tell me I talk too much, the same way as don't tell the person I know that this person doesn't talk enough. Because at the end of the day, they're talking and we are talking based on what we want to do, what we want to build, how we want to build our reputation, how we want to build our energy as well. It's all about finding the balance of what feels right for us. When you build a relationship, you build it on different grounds and different environment. And here I can talk about business relationship, personal relationship, love relationship, whatever it is, family as well. You have to decide how much you give, how much you take, how much you speak, how much you listen and find the right environment for you. And for that, the person is going to do this the other way around. And when each of you do that, you're going to find with the people that stay with you and stay around you and are bringing positive energy are going to bring that and give you the space that you need, like you will give the space to them like they need. So never listen to some feedback, but don't listen to blind feedback saying you talk too much or you don't talk enough because there is no understanding. and no information behind in terms of what does that mean? What do you mean by that? Where is the moment that you think I do that? Why do I do that? How bothered are you by that? Can we understand each other better? Is it because we just don't think our energies and our needs? And that's it. So, of course, at work, you have to be aware of your surrounding. You have to work with different type of people. Always consider, is that person bringing you energy or taking energy from you? And based on that, how are you responding also? Are you changing your behavior or not? Why am I talking about behavior? Because I've seen also that depending on people, you may end up being the one talking more or less or adapting. So you also have to consider that and feel like, okay, in that context, am I in the right environment for myself? So again, that level for me, in my context, after everything that happened in my life, I felt the need and I feel the need on a regular basis to share all my experiences. Because if I can help at least one person with what I learned, I felt like I will have one. And I'm sure I have already in some ways, in some context, already helped people. people, but I feel like every lessons that I'm learning through that including this one look potentially you're someone that shared too much or potentially you're someone that don't share at all maybe if this resonates if this helps you in any way this is a win for me because this is a feeling that I've had now for a couple of years with what happened in my life that I want to help others in my own way and the best thing that I can do is share my experience share my thoughts share how I analyze things and in hope that it resonates and helps someone. Now, if you, most likely there are some people at some point or maybe today, I don't know, that could potentially think, oh, she talks too much, she just talk about herself, she just keep on telling her stories about her life in those episodes. I don't want to listen. I don't want to watch this. It's not interesting to me. Fair enough. I hear it. But then just leave and let me do what I do. Don't bring your negative energy to me. And at least I won't listen to that energy. I can take feedback in terms of maybe you should make your episode a bit more, you know, oriented to some other people or like differently or whatever it is that you have as feedback. So please feel free to share your feedback or your thoughts. But at the end of the day, if the criticism is just to say she talks too much or whatever else. what is it doing it's not bringing any positive energy toward me this podcast bring me positive energy so I'll keep going at least for now I'm decided to keep going so think also from that angle right what you choose to do when it comes to how much you're sharing should feel good for you and should feel the right amount of positivity so maybe what you can do is ask yourself does this Add value. to me or not? Does this add value to the conversation or not? As well, you can ask that if you want to be a bit more critical. Or is this maybe better to be kept private? And if I keep it private, why do I want to keep it private? And that you can do on a regular basis, as I said. And you will grow and you will evolve. And sometimes you want to share and sometimes you don't want to share. And sometimes you want to tell people and some other time you want to keep it. Some people will know and some people won't know. And I think no matter what. that's okay i looked online for some tips because i'm always eager to to grow right to develop to to learn more and i asked and look for i asked on ai platforms and i also checked online what are the things you can do to feel better about deciding if something needs to be to be shared and i got something quite interesting so i wanted to share that with you If it is something you would scream from a rooftop, go for it. If it is something that makes you cringe when you say it, so just saying it like in the middle, like a room, you're by yourself. If it feels cringe, maybe pump the brakes and keep it for yourself. And then that's basically the spectrum, right? This is the... The one where if you can scream on the rooftop, then easy to say. If you want to take the breaks, if you think it's cringe, this is the opposite. And then there is kind of like that in between. And there is a lot of different kind of situation where you can end up in the middle. So I would say maybe do some kind of rating for yourself to feel better of which category you fit in. It may also be that sometimes it's an amazing news and you say, okay, no, I don't want to share until, I don't know, I take an example. A friend of mine is pregnant and she was very clear, I'm not sharing it before three months. Now it was difficult because some other people were asking to go out and to have fun and she was very tired and having morning sickness because morning sickness are not only in the morning, but all day. And so at some point she started to tell a few people, but she could tell that she was a bit uncomfortable. Not that she wasn't comfortable sharing, it was an amazing news. And I was so happy when she told me, but I think it's like her mind was really set on the three months and she felt like she had to justify before and to tell before. And I'm grateful that she told me and I told her, look, this is amazing news. But I also do understand if you cancel single, you could have said. um something else I would have been okay and not not be upset if you just say I'm not feeling well I'm canceling but I think in the moment she felt okay I have to explain why and she did of course I made her feel comfortable so it felt less cringe for her but at the same time I also think it's important for her to to find that that space and now she's passed the three months so she's doing very good but I think it's important to always keep on your mind and this is a perfect case right Sometimes the moment is not right. What can I say to avoid people pressuring me or feeling pressured that I have to tell something that I'm not ready to tell and finding some other messages, finding some other way around to bring the topic or without saying really what it is, but like pushing people away to again, conserve your energy because we go back to this. It's all what we're trying to do every day, right? conserving your energy for positive things and if this is something that all of a sudden feels cringe bothers you then you have to find a way to take it away and to avoid that this keeps on bothering you so i thought this was also a very good example where the right moment will help you but also you have to find a way to yeah to protect yourself you may remember from a past episode if If you have joined or listened to the prior one. One of them is actually. to challenge myself every week with a different topic. So it can be do something new. It can be challenge myself. So one episode was when launching the podcast was one week, running a certain race time or lengths was another one, finishing a Rubik's Cube, et cetera. And I was just thinking about it while I was doing this episode. Maybe what could be good is we could make it a challenge together. So this week... Maybe if you dare to share one thing that scares you with others, and it can be something that scares you, or if you're scared of sharing something, then maybe that's what you can do, is to share one thing. And on the other side, another one could be to keep one thing for yourself and keep it private. And maybe here you can, if you're struggling so much, what you can do is maybe write it on a piece of paper. paper and keep it in a jar for yourself or write it in I don't know if you have a journal or something maybe that helps you being able to still let go and in a way say it even if it's not official maybe you just like speak you go to like a space where you're just by yourself and you just say that out loud once and then at least this feels like you let it out and you shared it and maybe we do we do this we take the challenge right between the next two weeks so this episode will come, I think. I think early November. So maybe by mid-November, you share with me and you can tag, I don't know, maybe chatty vibe. I'll put the hashtag in the description of the episode so you have it. And maybe we each share how this went. And of course, don't share your private one. Just share the one you're supposed to share. Or if you don't want to share to the group, just maybe you say, hey, I did the challenge and it worked super well. or... struggling so much this week how are you feeling maybe it's a it's a fun way to end this podcast and to to try to to view it as um as an opportunity to be to enhance and grow yourself in either direction i think we are gonna wrap up this episode it was very much a reflection today and i hope you were able to take away some things Maybe for me, the first one to take away is that it's okay to be someone that chairs. It's okay also to be someone that is more quiet, introverted and wants to keep things private. We have to let people be who they are. We can challenge the way they are and try to understand the other way. But we should never point blank judge someone for how they do things. I hope you understand better why I talk so much. But I hope you also understand better why your friends, your colleagues are who they are. And that you're better able to understand the one that speak up a lot, the one that are more quiet. and potentially the one that speak up a lot through What they tell you, you can understand the behavior, why they are this way. Maybe also in a different sense, by listening to the one that are more quiet and the few times they are speaking up, maybe you can also understand why they are like this and what makes them feel comfortable to not share so much. And I want to end on one note. A friend of mine told me that... Because I asked about this with a group of friends and she told me, well, I'm not as sure of myself as you. I'm not so confident as you. It's so interesting to me that she's bringing up the topic of confidence because it's not about confidence for me. I sometimes struggle a lot. I can tell you that these episodes, I try to avoid re-listening multiple times. So usually I edit it. I listen one more time to check the editing. and then I'm done listening to it because I'm going to rethink and rethink and rethink. Maybe I should have done this. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe I should have like done it differently, whatever it is. It's not, for me, it doesn't feel about confidence. There is, of course, a certain level of confidence I can understand where she's coming from. But for me, it's more really that point of I want to share to help others. But this reflection that I had and this different discussion I've had to build the episodes and to build... this overall discussion today, reflection today, sorry, was really coming from that angle. Okay, if this is how people think, if this is how I'm portrayed, then maybe it's worth at some point to do an episode about confidence as well. So I'll need some time to follow up on that. So I don't think it will be the next one. Because again, I would really like to bring you with proper insights to do a few deep dives to really have time to do this overall reflection. where it's coming from but I fully understand that this is also people's perspective and people's view now I'm ending up the episodes but more to come for sure more reflection like this to come in future episodes thank you so much for joining I hope I'm becoming better in my editing I hope these episodes are becoming fun to listen to that you are enjoying them please feel free to follow subscribe This is on YouTube. This is on Spotify, on Apple Podcasts, on all your podcast platforms. So thanks for sharing it with friends, family. Thanks for any likes. I think there is some rating as well for some of them. And please feel free to comment and let me know how the challenge goes. Have a great day. And talk soon. Bye.
