Speaker #0Hi, welcome to The Pulse, the podcast where we explore the heartbeat of life and work. I'm Julie, your host, and I'm thrilled to have you join me on this journey. Every two weeks, I will bring you a regular dose of inspiration, practical tips, and regular stories about personal development, wellness, and career growth. Whether you're looking for motivation, fresh perspective, or just a reminder that you're not alone, you are in the right place. So welcome and let's dive in. Hi, welcome to The Pulse. I hope you're doing well. Another episode in books. We are end of April. So I hope you had a nice spring reset looking at the previous episodes. And I hope you're having a good time listening. you Welcome to everyone that is new, as usual, and welcome back to everyone who's been joining before. Today, I would really like to talk about growth and to challenge a little bit what growth is all about. And I know my podcast is about growth and about personal and professional development, but I think it's important to also be a bit critical sometimes and understand the good and the bad of the topic. And so today is really the goal is to have this self-awareness. and judgment around the topic and how it impacts society today. I hope you enjoy it and yeah, let's dive in. First, I would really like to start with the growth mindset myth. And basically, this mindset is to tell you, you should always grow and always improve. And I'm the first to say that it's important in my life to always have the feeling of growth and feeling of improvement and feeling of changing and evolution. And while it is very good from my perspective, because it adds to creating a better me in the sense that, not that I'm not good enough, and we'll talk about this in a little bit, but more in terms of the fact that I'm continuously moving forward and challenging myself. But there is another side to it, which is clearly this pressure, this burnout, this hyper-connected world where... There is always someone doing something more and basically it's creating the pressure that everyone has to do this everywhere. While it is important to develop and grow, there are areas where you potentially are not going to grow on a certain day or moment in life. But you might grow later on into it or maybe you have to take a different direction than what is expected. And today also with social media, you can... tend to see always everyone doing something, evolving and growing somewhere. And potentially this can create that feeling of pressure that you have to do this all the time and you have also to have this mindset and this continuous growth. And just to give a few examples, you're going to go on LinkedIn, you're going to see everyone that has new positions potentially or that are hustling towards their business by promoting it on social media, on LinkedIn in that case. And then you're going to go on Instagram or TikTok, and then you're going to see the same thing, but maybe hustle more when it comes to hobbies. And I mean, I do run, as you know, and I see all this runner community that are always doing more and more and more. And it's like, okay, they've run a marathon, and now they're going to run a second one in the same year, or they're going to start to run a trail run or an ultra marathon or whatever else is coming up. And it's always about the more and this culture is highly visible on social media. And so if you take that into consideration, people can end up being burnt out with a feeling of constantly having to grow and to grow also everywhere. So I think it's important for yourself to understand where you want to grow, what's important to you at the time that you are looking into and not to get yourself influenced by the others. but also to understand that growth doesn't happen in five minutes. And we are also in a culture of wanting to grow very fast, very quickly. And that's clearly not the case. We can't expect growth to happen from one day to the next. There is a need for evolution that can sometimes be slow and be less visible, but will have that positive impact. So as I said, I'm the first one to also make that mistake. Sometimes I see someone who has done... Not much better than me in an area, but it has achieved something. And I'm like, what I'm trying to do is taking me more time than I would love to, or I'm not there yet. And therefore, this creates frustration and the feeling of I'm not doing enough. And I think this needs to be clear that it's not the case. It's just a different pace. And to avoid creating this burnout feeling. Continuing on that, you have... You know, this is really a dark side of our society today. You also see a lot of people who are having through social media and you see it mainly because of the fact that we are hyper-connected, because you see it also in the fact that we are in a very international environment these days with social media. We are connected with people all around the world. And you see also people doing side hustles. You see also people pushing. And as I said, I'm not trying to bash on... on an environment that I'm also part of and I'm also very much aware that I'm impacted by it and I'm also you know by doing this podcast next to my job is also a hustle but there is really this feeling of constantly putting the mental health of people at at risk I've heard people say to me oh my god you do so much and I don't do enough I've heard people say also that you do too much and it's true in some other sense. So I think it's important to understand for yourself what makes sense, what doesn't, and not to let yourself use society or use other people's influence in order to determine what works and what doesn't for you and what you want for yourself. And it's okay to rest. It's okay to not grow in an area in a certain period of time. I mean, potentially, you know, this podcast is not growing right now. I don't know if... I'm getting a lot more followers or people watching. I know that I have no time for social media and I know that I have no time for other things. It's okay. It's potentially not the time. I'm continuing because I like to do it, but maybe it's going to be slower than some other people that you see that have a very quick spike or are growing faster in an area. Not everyone has the same pace and the same environment, But society is... at the moment struggling with this by only promoting to us other people's success because also people are rarely talking about what did not work for them they are mainly advertising their success in on social media again I'm taking social media but it's everywhere it's also in when you just talk to people they're gonna tell you only about their positive things that are happening mainly you I rarely see, unless they're close friends or family, I rarely see people telling me something negative about them. So yeah, it's part of the process, but it can really create a dark side. So hustle culture and pushing yourself and trying to grow is great, but there is a price. And I think it's important to be aware of where is the line for you. And this is very individual line. And I know that, for example, right now what I'm doing with... everything that I'm trying to grow in different direction I am limiting myself and I'm stretching myself I'm also very much aware that some of those growths are going to happen in a longer period of time than others and it creates frustration compared to other people that I see getting yeah as I said promoted on on LinkedIn for example and for me it's not right now but I will get that because I'm working on other on other areas Or people being able to run a marathon. And for me, I know that I want to take longer to do it because I want to be ready by the time I run it. It's not just to run it tomorrow. And so this growth will take longer and it can create a heavy frustration and a heavy feeling of not being good enough. And this is where I would really like, and I know I'm reiterating my message over and over again, but know that everyone has to do what feels right for them and not to be impacted by... what others do is critical. So have this in mind. The next part I want to talk about in regards to growth is sometimes the message around, not the message, but the feeling around contentment. And I think when you want to grow and when you want to evolve, then the feeling of contentment is potentially less visible. And there is a balance of striving between the two. And of course, it's important to want to grow and evolve. But it's also important to feel content right now where you are. And whenever I do a race, usually I prepare for it a lot. And then I arrive on the day of the race. And then I'm super content when I race. And I get medal. And then... It's like next, move next, let's do the next race, let's grow again, let's improve. And so the feeling of contentment is sometimes very short in time. So I don't think I'm the only one in that context. I hope I'm not. But it's important sometimes to take a step back and to be like, okay, what did I truly achieve? And feeling content right now. And yes, you can grow. Yes, you can evolve. Yes, you can think of what's coming next. But today, do you feel content with your life as it is? And it's very important to keep this in mind, because if not, happiness will be always tricky. I do feel like sometimes I'm not... able to reach happiness because I always expect next something more, something on top. And happiness is not like a level to reach, you know, in a video game in a way, but it's more there every day. And growth is not the opposite of that, but it can trigger the fact that you don't feel happy on a day to day because potentially While you are growing, you might feel frustrated that you're not growing in the way you want or that it's not going fast enough or whatever else. And that can impact negatively your happiness. So it's important that you shouldn't think of, I will be happy by the time I achieve this, whatever this is. And we can also talk about weight. Very often I hear or I've heard before, you know, already even people saying, oh, if I reach this thing. then I will be happy. And that's not okay. That's not valid. You have to be content and to be happy right now. If you achieve it, you will be even more happy or it will be a different level of contentment. But happiness and contentment should not be linked to an achievement triggered by growth, basically. And as I said, I'm saying should and I'm saying words that are very affirmative. It's also in the way this episode for me to reflect on it. And I'm very much aware of those topics. I'm not saying I'm fully there. I'm saying that whenever I'm also emotional, those triggers come back and those feelings are forgotten and those messages are forgotten. And I'm triggered sometime by social media, by society, by all those things. Me going through those different perspectives and those different topics related to growth and society doesn't mean that I'm better than anyone else. I'm actually, I would say, average and dealing with those same cases. And this is why I wanted to bring them on today. So let's continue with the next one. It's challenging, but I think it's important to assess and to, again, I don't want to say challenge. which is again about growth, but to try to change the... narrative overall. The next one that I noted is an illusion of linear progress. And I'm laughing because I always tell people progress is not linear. My journey has not been linear. It almost feels more like a tree, you know, it's like you are on a branch and then you're going to have multiple roads to get to another branch and you get higher and higher in the tree and the tree is growing also from the root but At the end of the day, you might go from one area and then reach a branch, and then that branch is actually going to take another direction, and then it's actually potentially will go back to another branch. But overall, it's not a straight line. And I think the overall society is teaching you these days that growth is a straight line, and that's not correct. I see it also in corporate environment, you know, whenever... people in a role and would start, I don't know, if you're an assistant, you're expected to be a manager. And when you're a manager, you're expected to be a senior manager next. And if you're a senior manager, you're expected to be whatever team leads or director, whatever a title it is, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But potentially, you're going to switch department or you're going to take a step aside. And I think it's all okay, but society is not teaching you that is teaching you you should always take the next step and be higher and grow and more, and more, and more. But sometimes the more has to come from a different perspective. So don't automatically listen to what people say on that. I have a great example of a boss I used to have. And when she moved to Germany, then she was basically had to take, in order to get a job, she had to take a step down compared to what she was doing before. And... That step down was very quickly washed off and she went through different stages and she grew very quickly on. But if you look at her whole career past, you would see her being like the equivalent of senior director and then becoming a director again and then becoming a senior director again or even I think a manager, but whatever else. And I think this is a great example of someone who has not let society tell you are expected to be X level. by then or you expect it to be x level next because this is what you've done and sometimes you have to assess it and change the path and change the way and taking a step down for also personal reason or different scenarios or not growing in an area and i take an example you know you you want to do that. Again, I take my podcasts, you know, it's because I have other goals this year that are more important than this podcast. Then this is a year where I'm not going to grow with it. But that doesn't mean that I will not continue and push and do something about it. And then when the time comes to make it stronger things, then I will make it stronger. But it's not linear and it's OK. This linear path is not correct. You have setbacks, you have failures. You have plateaus and that's okay. I mean, look at it when I play a tennis match. You don't win every point when you play a tennis match. So you lose or potentially you struggle. Or even in an athlete career, sometimes they have failures. I mean, you can get injured running and then what? Then you're going to have a moment where you have to step aside and then not grow, but then come back and be stronger. But those struggles... also what's making people stronger and creating more resilience and building the people up to be able to achieve more. So being too linear in a career or in an environment can avoid you from actually learning what you're expected to learn and being able to be the best version of yourself. I talked about the next one already prior, but I think it's well deserved to have its own point, is the distortion due to social media. And really, social media nowadays is just telling you stories of people who succeeded at something. And it's tailored for you. So it's tailored to topic that you are on, topics that you have in your life. So professional, personal, etc. hobbies, whatever it is, and showing you the best of those people. And I'll take a complete example, completely outside of the box. If you were to watch tomorrow a video of someone cleaning their home, you would watch or potentially you would see a perfect home. You know, sometimes, I don't know if you've seen this before, but like a perfect pantry. There was this show on Netflix a couple of years ago, which was all about organization and people had like amazing pantries. So they were going to people's home and showing perfect pantries. basically yes great if you have the time if it's your job full-time to organize that pantry and to have it everything perfect that works when you work you have a different job when you have kids when you have a family when you are doing whatever having a perfect pantry is potentially not something achievable but if you have someone that is looking at those item or looking at those videos then it's gonna pop up on your social media and then you're going to see more and more of those perfect organization videos and it's going to make you feel bad because it's going to make you feel I want the same thing but again you are not doing this full time so it's not automatically achievable I take another example running I only see on social media people who did marathon in less than three hours yes amazing but they're able to train all day because it's their job to train They're on social media as influencers and training is their job. And even if some of them didn't do less than three hours, I even did like three and a half, but whatever, to make it in time, I would never do that. I don't think I will be capable. I don't want to say I will never be capable, but I will not be capable in the next year to run a marathon in that speed. I hope one day, maybe in 10 years, 15 years, let's see. I'm never saying never, but I know I will not be able to run a marathon in less than four hours even. next year so it's and it's not because i'm not committing i'm not like using like doing what I'm supposed to do but it's just I have my job I have my dog I have other things that I want to achieve that for me are more important so I dedicate some time to running but I'm not gonna dedicate every single minute of my life besides work I have other things there was this um this girl who she did less than three hours she even did like two and a half hours in the marathon. And she works full time, so she's not an influencer, at least not now. But she was clearly saying in a podcast that that's all she did. She just trained, sleep and work. That's it. She doesn't have a dog. She doesn't have a family. She doesn't have other activities. She struggled to be social. She even mentioned it. So it's not an automatic. things or something that's sustainable if you want to do other things you can't automatically achieve what those people have achieved or at least unless you have very good like predestination in french i don't know like um your your basis is your your body is very much capable of doing something like that but usually you will not be able to achieve exactly the same thing as the people that do it full-time for their job do So you have to be okay and avoid letting social media disrupt, distort your growth. Also, when it comes to speed, someone that is able to take care of something faster is because they prioritized it. They did it with a different setup, a different environment. That doesn't mean that your growth path and your speed is not. good enough it's not fast enough it is fast enough for you for what is meant for you but we get challenged and yeah disorganized by what society does and what social media does and so this is why I wanted to really also make a message on this because let's be honest social media has positives but it also has a lot of negatives the pressure of optimizing everything In pursuit of optimization for growth is like we lose track of what's really important for us. I have moments where I try to optimize my day, but I'm losing track of that, of what's the most important within the day. I have, I mean, at the moment I'm writing my master thesis, I'm working, I'm running. I am doing the podcast. I am trying to stay social. I have my dog. What else? I think it's already enough. Maybe some more things. And there are days where I come home and I'm like, rush, okay, now I need to clean. Now I need to organize. Now I need to do this. Now I'm going to work on my teeth. And then I'm lucky enough that then I have my dog look at me and bark at me, literally, to remind me what's important. and actually oh yes wait a minute what's important right now is potentially to play with him it's to be with him to be in the moment with him and to have space for everything is not easy to optimize every single moment is not easy and sometimes I feel like when you optimize too much or at least this is what's happening with me when I try to optimize too much I forget to be in the moment I'm almost already in the next thing that I have to do. And I forget about the people or the environment around me and what's truly matter in that point in time. And I'm lucky enough to have a little pup that remind me of what's important. So, for example, I know that I have a lot to do today. And I knew that I had this podcast to record. And I know that I have to edit this podcast right after in order to release it for tomorrow. Yes, I forget the last minute. But the first thing I did this morning is to take time with him. Then to go on a long walk with him, I did not put a podcast. I put some light music to have a little bit of sound just to stay calm. But I did not focus on something else on him this morning in my walk. And I think it's now already 10. So we spend at least two hours together being in the moment. And I think those... Well... you can try to optimize and make everything perfect. Sometimes it's important to be reminded of that need of being in the moment. Don't forget it. I know you can always grow, you can always improve, you can always do more and better. But in doing more and better, don't forget. what's important for you. Systemic barriers can make growth feel unattainable for many. And I won't go into details because I know I'm on the lucky side, but I think I do feel it's tricky for me to talk about it. But at the same time, it's important to say if you're a man and a woman, you don't have the same opportunities. If you are a different colored skin, unfortunately, you don't have the same opportunity. If you come from different backgrounds, you don't have the same opportunity. And that comes also, has an impact also when it comes to growth. So you don't start in the same environment. And in order to grow, you have different opportunity. And it's really clear that while social media shows you whomever, actually, based on who you are, you will not potentially have the same opportunity and influence that is shown to you will have. Let's talk about the self-help industry. I read that the self-improvement industry is about 12 billion worth. And that is crazy because sometimes this industry makes you feel worse than better. And it's really, it's teaching you what to do, how to be better, how to improve, but it's not actually teaching you about happiness. And even to be honest, someone that will teach you about happiness or will tell you with whatever meditation or whatever else makes you happier is potentially telling you they're better at being happy than you. And I think we are all on the same level that everyone is struggling every day. And let's be very clear. My goal with this podcast is not to tell you what to do. It's to discuss some of the topics out there. But then you have to pick. and I'm in no... way perfect and I'm in no way want anyone to want to do as much as I do nobody should do what I do this is what I want to do for myself and it's what feels right for me is it perfect no am I sometimes struggling yes and I think it's the same case with everybody but the self-improvement industry sometimes sells you books or methods or whatever else to be better and some of it might be worth to take some pieces. but never everything. And you always have to think for yourself and challenge yourself in terms of what makes sense for you. And those books are not teaching you your worth. Those people are not going to teach you your worth. They can help you develop in a certain sense of reflection of how you want to grow, but they should never tell you you're not good enough or make you feel like you're not good enough. If this is the case, then this is not the right thing for you. Yeah. And I'm not saying sometimes I don't feel good enough. And then I'm trying to reflect on what I've achieved in order to remind myself that I am good enough. There are areas where I want to improve, but I'm good enough from the get-go. And I had a bit of that discussion. Again, I'm going to talk about social media because this is where it's so present, but you can find it everywhere on the Internet. But I know that my brother was telling me that one day he was in the mountains with some friends and they did an amazing run. And then they arrived at the bottom and then they looked at on social media and then there was someone else that did better. And I put it in quotes because it just for those people of a sudden felt like they was what they had just done, which was amazing. Great was not good enough. And that is not OK because and my brother said it was like, this is not OK. I think it's sometimes you have to make choices for yourself. And he said, and I hope it will be OK that I talked about him. on the podcast but he said like for him he doesn't want to be on social media because he doesn't want to see what other people do because he does feel like he's never been like there is a bit of a formal kind of environment so it's you know i think it's important that this self-help industry is not helping and so challenge challenge it sometimes yeah challenge me it's really fine as well so that was the eight topics that i wanted to discuss related to society overall you But I don't want to just stop you there and stop you in that reflection. So for me, what was important is to talk, to finish this by really... Defining for you what growth is and defining for you where you want to grow, where you want to go and to be your own decision maker. It's really asking yourself, what does growth mean for me? And in that case, me, it's like me or you or each individual has a different understanding of what growth is all about and understanding in there about achievements, about happiness, about connections, and or it could be something else entirely. But you have to understand what it means for you. And potentially, it's going to mean for you something different depending on the topic. So for example, when it comes to this podcast, the growth for me right now is not about increasing followers, achieving to make this podcast having financial impact I mean okay To avoid that it's like I'm losing too much money. But it's not about this. It's more about connection and about giving and about my own happiness and the potential needs for me to have a creative outlet. And that's where I'm growing. And by doing it, creating this reflection, it's making me feel like I'm more... building confidence and building something for myself. So this is where growth is for this podcast. Now, if I take growth for my running, it's more about there is a feeling of achievement, yes, achieving and finishing a race. And there is the one to improve my time and to feel more comfortable. So this one, this growth is going to be more achievement based. If I take again, another gross area so me doing my master thesis is yes there is a the need for achievement in order to get that master but there is also for me the goal to connect to university to connect to other people that potentially will create a reflection for me for future potential in my career or something else that I would like to do I like to teach I like to provide guidance in a way and this is just Considering this podcast also to be that, and if I can do it in some other ways, I don't want potentially this to be my full-time job. But if I can give guidance, help, you know, I've done mentoring and other things, this potentially will bring this forward. So growth, again, in this context of the studies is for a different format. So sometimes it's not automatically about just achieving and ticking a box and then move on and move on and move on. At least not for me. I'm trying not to make it like that. I'm saying that sometimes it's hard, sometimes social media make it tricky, but really think for yourself of what is important when it comes to growth and why and how to remain happy in this process. And I really want to encourage you to do that. And I'm not saying that it's easy, but you can be easily triggered by people around you that are on a different timeline. Potentially when you were growing, they were not, and they were triggered by you. So it's, it's. difficult it's tricky but the goal is to remain happy and to evolve at your own pace in a happy and healthy environment and it's a constant evolution it's it's also area where you have to grow and you have to reflect and sometimes I do feel like it's almost a physical philosophical topic, the topic of reaching happiness. And, It's tricky, but really think about it for yourself. What is growth? What makes sense for you? And where are the areas that make sense? I also feel that sometimes we get, some people get goals or create goals or growth for themselves based on what they saw from others. And there is an element of being taught or being... motivated or being inspired by others but there is a part of like inspiration is great but is it the right goal for you for truly what you want so always think about it always think about what is it for me what do I want for myself and that's it that should be the only person to judge and you should be the only person to define those goals for you and to define that setup all I hope to do is to give you some tools to create that reflection with this podcast so yeah I think I've been now talking for 45 minutes I'm gonna have to edit guessing most likely will be 30 minutes episodes but I hope this reflection and yeah again I'm not telling you to stop listening to anything about growth or to stop defining yourself or to stop trying to grow to evolve or to to do things to better yourself or to develop but I'm just saying in the context of when you're doing it on a regular basis challenge yourself in terms of what makes sense for you is it are you influenced by others or is it truly what you want and if it's truly what you want are you happy doing it are you happy right now already are you content in order to avoid that you lose yourself or that you spend the rest of your life thinking i'm evolving i'm evolving and one day i will reach happiness and it's never gonna happen happiness is happening now you And yes, that doesn't impact you from growing and evolving. It's just about finding the right balance between the two. So yeah, I wish you a very nice day and we talk very soon. Bye. And that's a wrap for today's episodes of The Pulse. If something resonated with you, I would love to hear about it. So drop me a message on Instagram, LinkedIn, or leave a review wherever you're listening. Your feedback fuels this community and I much appreciate it. Make sure to follow The Pulse on your favorite podcast platforms and on social media so you never miss an episode. And if you're craving for more, check out the show notes for links, resources, and ways to connect. Until next time, keep trusting your journey because growth happens one step at a time. See you soon. Bye.
