Speaker #0Hi, welcome to The Pulse, the podcast where we explore the heartbeat of life and work. I'm Julie, your host, and I'm thrilled to have you join me on this journey. Every two weeks, I will bring you a regular dose of inspiration, practical tips, and regular stories about personal development, wellness, and career growth. Whether you're looking for motivation, fresh perspective or just a reminder that you're not alone, you are in the right place. So welcome and let's dive in. Hi, welcome to the Pulse. I hope you're doing well. Last week was such a... last time. Last time was such a fun episode. It's already been last week since last time I actually recorded and... It was such a nice episode to have someone like EJ joining and to do this episode, which was very long. We had so much to talk about and I really, really had a great time recording it with her. And today we're back with the solo episodes, but I'm definitely looking forward to having more guests in the future. Now we had two guests in the first couple of months, so really appreciate it again. Thank you so much for both of my guests for joining me. Today we're going to do, as I said... solo episodes on basically fitting in a box or actually the opposite not fitting in a box and I would really like I've been actually thinking of that episode for quite a while and I was just trying to find the right way to talk about it the right way to bring the topic I think it's it's an interesting topic to discuss because there are some reasons to want to fit in and there are some reasons to not want to fit in I think the point to start it is really to look at it from individual standpoint. Have you ever felt like you were in a certain situation and you felt at odds with the people around you or you felt like you were not exactly like the other people around you? It could even be you know sometime at school when growing up or it could be now or you with your career or your personal life or some activities that you do that you feel you're not exactly fully... away or like not different but you might feel slightly off or slightly different than the people around you and that's basically what this episode is going to be about right it's about how it's okay to not fit exactly in that box and how having a multi-dimension is quite interesting and brings value so if basically you take it in that context of your or in a certain settings and you don't feel like you are exactly like the other people around you what is the one piece that makes you feel and i would say in quote weird or feel different than the others think about it and maybe actually that weirdness or that difference is your superpower is what you can bring to the table today really it's about flipping the script it's about not fitting in um so being your greatest asset and how this brings value. There is always pros and cons. We also discuss the difficulties. But I think for me, what was important is to talk about it, to make a discussion and to open up a little bit about how I'm feeling about the topic personally. So usually in a context where you might feel quite different or you might feel like you're not fitting into a certain crowd, into an environment, a certain box, Usually what happens is that you're feeling misunderstood, you have a certain pressure, the environment creates a pressure to comfort, and self-doubt and isolation start to kick in. And nothing of that is any bad. I think it's not coming from a bad place on the other people. It's just that we are a society where we need to be able to set people, to be able to categorize. things and it's as I said things people end up as well needed categorization but it's the same thing right it's like a table is a table a chair like a chair is a chair you know like I don't know if I'm expressing myself correctly here but basically it's important to say this person is this way or this person is that way or this person has this job or this person has that job or will have this career path It's very often that even at school, right, when we are being asked what we want to do in the future, and usually even you go through the care counselling. Very often, what you end up with is a job which is equal to a diploma, because those are the easiest to put you in. You are a doctor, you are a firefighter, you are, in a way, an engineer, but here we'll talk a little bit more into details, because then there is a big of a variety in there. But there are some jobs that is like your diploma equals to the job you're going to do, you're going to be a teacher. It's the same thing. So you might do different fields of teaching, but the diploma is equal to who you are and or what job you are going to do. And therefore, it's easier for people to be able to and putting you in the box is not in a negative sense. I think it's in the sense of like they're able to categorize you in some boxes and everyone has different categorization of who they are. Myself, I am, for example, the category in my case, I'm a woman. And because I also define myself as a woman, but this is one category, right? I'm French is another category. And some of those boxes are natural and they are important for people to put humans and to put people in. And while it can be quite positive, there is other thoughts that makes that whenever someone doesn't fit into the proposed boxes, then the person may feel completely misunderstood. And here I gave you some big categorization. I mean, you see currently what's going on in the world, right? I mean, now when it comes to gender, there was a huge break when it comes to the boxes. So some of those past boxes are evolving. And now we realize that the people that don't fit in create their own new box, their own new categorization, or at least try to fit into a different crowd or relate to other people. And it's very natural to want to relate and to want to be part. of a certain community and certain groups. And therefore, this is where the box comes in. And the box can sound sometimes very restrictive. So I know also this is why I wanted to use the word box really in this context, because that restriction may make you feel like you don't automatically are there. People may... feel like they are actually part of multiple categories and they are not 100% in one and they are not 100% in another. And therefore, this categorization that is being created feels like boxing people in into one area, one side. And while there is a certain safety in it, there is also for the people that do not fit in fully, it can really create a certain feeling of misunderstanding, certain pressure. to be part of it. We see it a lot also at school, right? Growing up, you want to fit in with the other kids, you want to play with a certain group of kids, and you want to be part of certain communities along the years. And so this is something that evolves and that impacts all people around us. But there is an element that it is okay not to fit in. And while as a kid, I definitely wanted to fit in those boxes. I learned to not want to fit in anymore. It's not always easy, but that's what I want to share today with you of how I took it on and what are still my self-doubts that are going through. But what are the pros and how I accepted and how I love to now be outside of the boxes, basically. From my perspective, it starts to be that's when we force ourselves. into boxes, we lose the magic in people. That's my personal perspective. In general, there are some boxes that we may fit in and that doesn't mean that we automatically have to change that. But when we try to force ourselves to fit somewhere, when potentially we lose the magic and the differences and the spark. that are part of each individual, each one of us, and that we can bring to the table. So for me, it's about rephrasing the narrative. I am someone, I mean, I've shared a little bit about my career, right? But I've worked in so many different departments. I've now worked in multiple companies. I've not had the regular pass of doing analysts, managers, senior managers, et cetera, et cetera, in the same fields. I've gone to multiple areas. I worked in operations, I worked in finance, I worked in HR, in many other places that I have done and many activities that are very different from one another. And that's just my career. But it's also similar, you know, like I've traveled in many countries, I have friends all over the world. I have multiple passions, you know, I can, I love to read books, I love to do the podcast, I love to do sports. So I am not just an athlete. I'm not just a creative. I'm not just, and the word just is the most important here. You are more than just. boxes. And from my perspective, boxes are for product, not for people. As I was saying at the beginning, a chair is going to be whatever your kitchen chair, your outdoor chair, whatever is going to be in the chair categorization. And that's fine. Humans, we are so different. We have so much of between our emotions, between our mindset, between our ideas. There is such a variety of things that mmm putting it in boxes would not make sense. So it's important to understand that some people are going to relate and we need to relate to others. This is part of something natural as part of human beings. However, the world needs this uniqueness, needs to have everyone being different and being amazing in their own individual self. At least that's my perspective. And, you know, I... also see it in a way when I look at my dog my dog is very different than other dogs out there and every single dogs have their own mindset have their own behaviors etc there are some similarities but they're also very different and in the same way it's humans are the same we're very different and just giving you that as an example to think through but there is a need to drive innovation to drive change, to ensure that we keep evolution going. that we keep thinking that we keep this uniqueness. It's also important when it comes to the way of thinking that we don't automatically accept one truth and that we challenge things and that we don't automatically accept a certain past that we've been told that there are other opportunities and other things going on. So I hope I'm expressing myself in the way that makes sense. So I'll give you a few examples. for me and My career has always been about getting opportunities to learn, to grow, to get to understand different topics, to not follow a single path, but to follow the path that makes sense for me. A lot of the choices I've made also have had a certain element of gut feeling, an element of heart. And yes, of course, I am also thinking and being a bit strategic. But there is a lot that comes from the heart and the want. And, you know, when someone asked me, how did you end up in Germany? I mean, at the end of the day, I had two internships. And I just chose the one that felt better in my gut that I felt more compelled to. The other one was amazing as well. But it's just like one felt better. Can I explain it differently? No. That's it. And this is a little bit also how I've done it over the years. But I remember one case where I decided to take on a new position and someone came to me and said, no, I don't understand your profile. And I was like, oh, and for a second, I thought, oh, maybe I made the wrong choice because now if this person doesn't understand my profile, is it going to be the case with other people? But at the end of the day, I wanted to stay true to myself. and do the job that made sense for me. So I followed my gut. I did that job. And I mean, today where I am makes me think that I made the right decision. Would I be somewhere potentially higher or in a different place right now? Better? Worth? I don't know. But I chose the one that felt right for me in the moment. And I had amazing years doing that job. So I think in a way I made the right one. It's... It's not easy because if you consider this now when it comes to hobbies, a lot of people have told me, you do so many hobbies, so many different things. And someone may say, yeah, but then you cannot excel at anything. Well, what tells you that if I were doing only one, I would excel more at it? Because from my perspective, the fact that I'm excelling in my own way, in my own level that I consider to be already great. I am able to do it well or to do the level that I appreciate it and I enjoy because of the fact that I have other things on the side. So it's something that you have to think for yourself, right? There are some boxes that you're not naturally going to be part of. And those are fine. It's not about like trying to automatically not fit into, to not be part of boxes. We're all part of boxes at the end of the day. But it's more if you're trying to mold yourself to fit somewhere? Is it really truly that or should you embrace being you and being different? And that doesn't mean you cannot in a way relate to some of those people that are in that box or in that category in some ways, but just there is another part of you and that's okay. And the right people will understand you and will accept you for who you are. And now we are currently in a society that more and more teaches you that it's okay to be different. We are getting there. And Yes, there is some form of like some groups that still want people to conform. And there is a bit of a clash and I won't go into politics or anything at the moment. But in general, there is still the want for people to be different, to be unique and to want to embrace who they are without any judgment and without having. The feeling that they have to fit somewhere. So this is the way I currently view things. Now, try this for yourself. Next time you feel too much or not enough, ask who decided this rule? Who decided that you had to be a certain way? Is it society? Is it a group of people? Is it yourself potentially? I have to say that even for myself, sometimes I... decided that to fit in I had to do certain things and then I realized actually this is not the case the people do not care about this at all sometimes you put your own barriers in it so it's not automatically other people it can also be you it's important to make the shift from my perspective but that shift is of course taking time and you may face still challenging concern worries self that as I mentioned before so it's not like the change is gonna happen in one day It's not like you're going to feel comfortable in one day in being unapologetically yourself, basically. But there are some things that will happen along the way and you will feel more confident to be yourself, to not worry about others automatically. And I mean, I think some of it also we touched in the episodes with Riz, so I would really highlight to potentially go and listen to that one. The next piece is really about that freedom it brings. And you are an individual with your individual story. Now imagine going into an interview or sharing your CV. If you have been fitting in boxes all your life, then your CV will most likely look exactly like all the other candidates. Or like a big part of the candidate. I have to say for myself that when I was looking for interns multiple times, I've seen similar CVs and from different kind of group in a way. If the person comes from a certain country, then they have done usually a similar type of pattern of school and program. If they come from a different environment or potentially a certain school. You see four or five people who have done exactly the same school, the same program, apply to all the same job. And sometimes it's okay to be different. So go out there. I think one of my main example is getting my first job when I was studying finance in France. And everyone around me applied for finance job in major banking industries, basically. At least most of the people that... told me where they applied. Maybe they applied somewhere else, but that's what we were all discussing back then. And I remember looking at it and I'd be like, my CV is different from them. I had come back from three years in the US. My CV was not looking the same as they had. Potentially it was just different. Was it going to be looking stronger in front of a French bank? I wasn't sure at the time. And so I decided to go different routes. And I was like, where can I apply that make sense for me. Where I would see that maybe I have a stronger, not power, but a stronger CV in a way. And I was like, sport. So I applied. I applied to Adidas. I applied to Nike. I applied to all those jobs. And guess what? I got a job at Adidas. And I'm very grateful that the people hired me and they saw my CV and they appreciated the difference. But I didn't have a finance degree. Most people applied. for banking or in pure finance job. I didn't. And that is one case scenarios, but I could give, I could give more. And I'm sure I'm not the only one out of that group that applied that had the idea of being different. And I'm sure also the people that stayed and took the regular job also had great career. So I'm not here to compare. I'm just here to say that sometime you are different and sometime your CV or something you have is different. And that doesn't mean that you cannot get something or you cannot go for something. It's just maybe that you go for a slight different plan and something that fits you better. And there are so many jobs and so many things out there. And here I talk jobs, but I could also talk about other topics. You want to move to a different country. Maybe there are some countries that are more going to be adapted to what you bring to the table than others. Or maybe you are looking to do a new hobby. And maybe the way you do your hobby is something is more adapted to you than someone else. And it doesn't mean that you are... less it means that you're different and that difference is gonna bring value somewhere someone will appreciate that difference so use that that difference use the fact that you're not fitting in use it as part of your stories i think this is one of the greatest example i got from the us is i was doing i had to do some hours as um with the the career advisor and she was asking me some questions about me that would be asked in interviews and she helped me build the first part of the story of how amazing I was being me and I'm not here trying to like tell you like you know the those strong words that in some Culture might not appreciate, so you always have to balance how you're speaking about it. But really, in the context of being in America, in the context of being in a culture that is always seeing the glass half full, she taught me to really think about it in terms of like what me truly brings to the table. What am I amazing at and what makes the fact that I am different makes me amazing. And really, that context. build a certain level of confidence in terms of my uniqueness is a strength. What I've done in my life is a strength. And I can continue doing this and I can continue diversifying. It will be fine because this is part of my strength. So think about it also for yourself. Your weakness or your difference is your competitive advantage. This is what is going to look different. When people look at your CV, when people look at you in an interview for a job, they're going to see potentially 20 CVs that are similar, and they're going to see you that might be different. Hopefully, long term, they're going to see 20 CVs that are different, which would be amazing. But at the moment, we're still being normalized into categories. And use the opportunity now to show your uniqueness. And it's not because someone puts you in a category. that this category is forever, for a thing. The number one reason was, as I mentioned last time, I don't think I talked about it actually in the episodes on multilingualism, but I was pretty much told that I was a scientific person in middle school and high school. So they were highly telling me that languages, etc. was not for me. Today, I speak three. So... I could have decided to stay in the box that one teacher was putting me in. But actually, it's just that the way I was trying to learn the language at the time was not the right way for me. And I learned it in a different way. And I opened that door to something amazing and an amazing opportunity. So there are many, many ways to get somewhere. There is not one road. There is many, many ways to do things. and wanted to stay and to... put yourself in the same category as everyone else is not gonna help you long term at least that's my perspective so I know this episode some people might be um I don't know I guess maybe some people will be unhappy or no or maybe they will like it the fact we talk about difference um but yeah I mean you're gonna thrive being an apologetic being an apologetically I'm not gonna make that worse happening you're gonna thrive being yourself that's it you and see I'm not perfect. Nobody's perfect and that's okay. And I'm not in the podcaster box. I'm not, but I'm also not in other boxes. I'm just doing my things and enjoying. So let's do a mini recap. Not fitting in is not a flaw. It's actually a superpower. I think I repeated this at least multiple times. But what's the most important? is that if you look at anyone that is not fitting in or that is trying to not fitting or to figure it out, nobody's also fully confident in what they're doing. So I know I talk strongly about the topic. I know today it's a good day. I'm proud to be different. I accept my difference. I know some of those differences are not easy for other people, but that... It doesn't mean it's okay or easy every day. I have self-doubt like everybody else. All it's important is to remind yourself constantly that not fitting in is okay. Having a different... story is okay. But what's the most important also in that is to ensure that you write that story and that you're clear on that story and that story makes sense for you. I think it's important, and this I didn't express, but maybe at some point I'll do a separate episodes on how to create that storyline that makes sense. There is a need of a thread, but the thread you define what it is. And as long as you're clear on that thread, then you are okay and you will be doing great Thank you. in your own way and your own perspective. So I would leave you with the questions. Where in your life are you still trying to fit in? And that's not an easy question. I also try to fit in sometimes, in some moments, in some contexts. But where in your life are you trying to fit in these days? And is it actually making sense to fit in? Or should you change and... Stop fitting in and just enjoy being who you are. Changing direction, not changing you. You're great as you are. So yeah, it was a bit of a different episode. It's very hot in Germany at the moment. So I wanted to do a fun one. One that also has a lot of... For me, it's dear to my heart. Because I always wanted to fit in as a kid. And now I'm proud to be different. And I love who I've become. Do I love myself fully? No. Do I still have struggles? Yes, like everybody else. I have self-doubt. Sometimes I want to crawl in and fit into some boxes just to protect myself. But in a way, deep down, I know the choices I've made brought me somewhere amazing. And those choices are because I never wanted to fit in a box. So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed. As I said, I've been, these episodes have been like, I think I even have some pieces that I've seen that I must have done last year. So we'll see how I edit it and maybe some parts. I don't know if you hear it, but we'll have from the past. Some will be more in terms of today. But I think it was important for me to wait and to do it the right way and to really talk about it in a moment where I feel good about it, But also... I have done quite some work with a mentor in order to help me really truly put words on who I am and what I do and what makes me great. So thank you to all the people that helped me get there. And really, I wish you all the best. Please answer your questions, like, subscribe, comment. Tell me how things are going with you. And looking forward, we are already in June. And I think the next episode is going to be the one-year episode. If I put that episode in June. But my goal is to put this episode next week and not to change my mind. But we'll talk about it in the next episode. So yeah, almost a year of podcasting and still enjoying a lot. So yeah. Have a nice day and we'll talk soon. Bye. And that's a wrap for today's episodes of The Pulse. If something resonated with you, I would love to hear about it. So drop me a message on Instagram, LinkedIn, or leave a review wherever you're listening. Your feedback fuels this community and I much appreciate it. Make sure to follow The Pulse on your favorite podcast platforms and on social media so you never miss an episode. And if you're craving for more, check out the show notes for links, resources, and where to connect. Until next time, keep trusting your journey because growth happens one step at a time. See you soon. Bye.
