Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Hi and welcome to The Road Leads Back to Me. I'm Coral Cycle. Today I'm going to show up a little differently and talk to you like a loving tia and talk to you a little bit about why I think Valentine's Day is a little harder this year for a lot of us and if you're tuning into this you're probably either going through some sort of breakup or you're probably just feeling very heavy from the state of the world. Or maybe, maybe you're actually starting to notice that this holiday that is so extra hasn't always felt that special. Or maybe an expectation has never been met through it. And that's okay if you felt like that. Because I'm sure, I know I've been in a classroom where people were giving Valentine's Day cards and I didn't get one. For a gram, that was just a dollar. But it still mattered that I didn't get that and my friend did. So comparison is something that a lot of us do and have done throughout time. And that's one of the things that could activate and make you feel like this could be a really hard holiday. So let's talk about comparison, what we can do to navigate it. And when it comes up and also let me just normalize it because it's normal. truly we're kind of made to compare ourselves to one another especially with social media and it's hard not to do it especially when you maybe really admire someone or are stemming from a place that maybe you're not as happy in your relationship and you're seeing someone else be happy and you want that for yourself and if you do feel like that that's okay too because this is information I would like to, anytime a trigger comes up, I always just say it's information instead of attacking it with a shame or so stupid. Why are you feeling it? You should be feeling things. You should. It's healthy to feel things. It's healthy. It's healthy to label an emotion and a felt sense. It's healthy to be attuned to your body. It's unhealthy to not be. So comparing yourself. Seeing what it is that comes up for you around that is going to bring that up. So one of the things I'd advise, out of the many things I'd advise, is maybe just mute stories or mute posts from this person. If it's just too much for you. And don't let the curiosity get the best of you or let me just do an experimental trigger. No, don't do that. The longer you hold true to that. the easier that becomes your norm and the healthier it is the detachment that you have from needing to compare. I always think of the Michael Phelps quote that I talk about all the time. When you're focused on your own thing, you don't care about what anyone else is doing because you're focused on you and the betterment of you because you live with you until you don't. Another thing that Valentine's Day tends to bring up for a lot of us are our attachment wounds. And I'm going to be going more into that in a following video. But our attachment wounds, and specifically if we do not have what I like to call and what the field calls a secure attachment. So a secure attachment is when your partner and is someone that you can speak to, tell them everything, and they are just going to have your back. Even if you're like, I did this. Typically, you tend to be honest with someone you have a secure attachment with because you know they're going to love you no matter what. So you typically don't have to hold secrets from them because it's a secure attachment and they're going to accept you for who you are. And that's important to acknowledge, especially if you are in a dynamic that number one is not secure. It's going to activate that trigger and it's going to lead us to compare. So I'm going to explain how it almost all cycles. Because the next thing are the grief loops. What could have been? What should have been? What if? And I can tell you this, and I'm going to use this as an example for the road leads back to me and tie it into the metaphor. Those past relationships would have been another exit. And yeah, your life could have been very different. But would it be where it is today and where you want to be in that higher version of you wants to be? And you have to ask yourself that. Because coulda, woulda, shoulda, it didn't. And that's okay. Maybe that was divine intervention. Maybe that was the almost emergency e-brake system. I know my car does it like sometimes and it's like, oh my God, no one's around me. But maybe it was just trying to prevent a crash or a collision. Maybe that was some sort of protection, especially for what you're trying to accomplish in the higher version of you that you want to become. So when that past self, that grief loop, the coulda, woulda, shouldas come in, clock them, acknowledge them, and really think about it. Would you be happy? Is that what you want? Or is it is the idea of what that person could have been and the potential you made up in your head that they will never meet? Sprinkle, sprinkle. The last one that I want to share are shame narratives, which are what's wrong with me. And now I'm going to talk to you like a loving tia. There is nothing wrong with you at all. You are acknowledging that you don't want to be disrespected. You are acknowledging that you are worthy of having a love that is reciprocal. What a concept, right? That respect is something we need to aspire to want to have in a partner. That should be a birthright as is. Respect. And I mean this respectfully. I am almost 40 years old. I have been around the block. Sorry, babe. It's true. B-A-4-L. And End I've seen what my friends have gone through and I know what I have gone through. And I could tell you this much. It's hard having to sit with these emotions and having to acknowledge them. They're yucky feelings. They make us feel like shit. But what I can tell you is that you could feel that way and it not be true. You're not that. You're worthy of love and belonging. You're worthy of a love that's respectful. And you're worthy of being with a partner that is gentle to your nervous system. The state of the world is already dysregulating. You need to come home to regulation. And that's the road that leads back to you with truth, integrity, and follow through and living a life that's aligned with your values. And that takes having to sit with them and having to have really deep and introspective thoughts that we tend to avoid because the world's on fire and we just have to keep going, going, going, and we can't feel. Okay. So I want to remind you that you are absolutely worthy of love and belonging and you're worthy of being respected. And respectfully. I think you can get anything you want. You can achieve anything you want. But that starts with you, with you wanting to make that initiative for yourself and you knowing and clocking, hey, that doesn't make me feel good when someone talks to me that way. Damn, every time I wanna say something to them, I feel like I can't. That's not healthy love. You should always feel that you can say something to your partner. You shouldn't be afraid of anybody. And I mean that not only in loving relationships, but in friendships as well. And I want to also talk about the difficulty with friendship breakups and Valentine's Day. Because if your support system are your haters, Valentine's Day is very lonely. Because it can become very show-offy. It can become, at least, respectfully. The mean girls that I have dealt with here in Miami. Very cruel. Very let me make you feel like shit. Very not classy. Very loser. Disrespectful. So before we get into friendship breakups, I actually am going to reserve that to its own video because I want to get back to Valentine's Day. But friendship breakups also hurt. And if you don't have your support system around you or your... support system isn't great, it makes it more lonely. So how do we cope through Valentine's Day? Well, first off, we're not going to compare. Maybe get off of social media that day. And I am going to share something with you. I want to be very mindful that everybody has a different budget. So before I give any sort of advice, but I promise you, I used to live check to check. So I am very aware of what that state feels like. of being so go to the dollar tree do things that are within your budget but make it a self-care day buy yourself you know give yourself twenty dollars that you could go to the dollar tree buy yourself a journal buy some pens collage really be intentional i want you to think of next year on valentine's day where do i want to be with my self-love Work on a self-love inventory. Self-love doesn't necessarily need to be super expensive gifts. I mean, it can be if you want to and mindfully and responsibly. But it could be going to the dollar tree and just getting yourself a journal and getting yourself like some nice smelling candles and doing some self-care. It could be just journaling. It could be you going to the beach and just releasing there and thinking of. Let me just release this and give it to the ocean. It could be taking a walk in a really nice neighborhood. It could be taking a walk in the park. It could be just giving yourself 15 minutes to do a hobby that calms your nervous system down. As we can tell, and from my other video, I have taken up the dazzling because the world's on fire. So at least I make things pretty. And this is how I assert control. So sometimes... Doing things like this and channeling into this. And this is, by the way, a Target tissue box that I just painted, printed this out, and bedazzled over. Let yourself get creative. Have fun with it. And another journal prompt that I'm going to actually have you, a reflection prompt that I want to give to you is when you have a moment. Ask yourself, how far back does this go? This feeling that I have right now, where does this come from? And take that to therapy. That is for you to unpack with your therapist. Hey, I recognize this feeling. And even better, if you can recognize how it feels in your body. So for example, I know for me, when I feel upset. or have felt abandoned because I have abandonment wounds, I feel them here in my chest where I used to. And it was like, I swear it was, I would be like this almost crippling. Or when you're very, you know, uptight and then all of a sudden your shoulders are up, you can't tell him he's got Botox on my shoulders, which by the way is a great way of also alleviating that. But stress will raise you physically. So try relaxing your shoulders. Try sitting up straight. Know that you are allowed to own your presence and that you are allowed to feel how you feel. Give yourself, allow yourself that space. And remind yourself that the road always leads back to me. And by me, I mean you. Say that to yourself. Right now, I got to make a U-turn. Journal. What does that U-turn look like? Everything is figureoutable. That's the great thing here. There's always a solution, but you have to be mindful. And that requires you actually sitting with yourself. So I'm going to totally pull a therapist card right now. And we're going to do a gratitude practice. I want you to view Valentine's Day as a day of gratitude of what you do have. Even if it does mean... not having that partner that you thought was going to make it with you. Because this is now an opportunity for you to find that person. That is your person. That loves you for the you that you are. The amazing you that you are. Don't use Valentine's Day as a day to audit what you don't have. Be grateful for what you do have. And when you focus on the things that you do have and the healthy relationships. Think of quality over quantity. this might be your last Valentine's Day as a single person. So what a more beautiful way to celebrate that before you take this next step into a companionship of some sort. To allow yourself to practice some self-love, practice some gratitude, and really heal yourself. Because when you could heal yourself and take that time to actually focus on you, you'll find your person. They'll be there. And you'll know. It's a weird thing, but you'll know. And those that have can tell you that. I know I have. Thank you so much for joining me today on today's episode. I know it was a little heavy and I want to just hold room for you in that. And if you have any questions or any thoughts about this and how you're actually practicing this gratitude or anything that you feel could help somebody else possibly going through this, let's work on connection and leave that in the comments. And don't forget to follow me on all social media platforms at The Road Leads Back to Me. I'm Coral and I'll see you next time.