Speaker #0Are you hyper-independent? Are you the type of person who prides herself on doing everything alone? But deep down, you find yourself secretly longing for a creative partner, a support system, or a soul-aligned community. Today, I'm sharing the wild story of how I finally learned to ask for help. You're seriously never going to believe it. And how you can start to call in collaboration and community in your creative life and everywhere. Welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I'm a Webby Award-winning podcast host and producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. This show is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your right to creativity and pursue whatever it is that's on your heart. And quick reminder before we get into it, I do offer one-on-one coaching if you're ready to start healing creative wounds. find your creative thesis statement, and finally share your creative gifts and projects with the world, I would be honored to support you. You can go to the contact page on my site or email me lauren.lagrasso at gmail.com to book your free discovery call. Okay, now to today's topic, which is how to begin to call in and build creative collaboration and community. As I mentioned, I came to this topic through a way you will actually never guess, and that was through hair extensions. Yes, hair extensions. Let me explain. For those that don't know, I have hair extensions. Well, actually, I don't right now. I'll get to that. But I've had them on and off for the past 13 years, ever since like the end of college. So I sometimes take a couple years off and then come back to them. But I love them. It's just such a fun way to change your, you're like, I was gonna say change your personality, be honestly like kind of. I do feel like I always felt like Samson, you know, the old story of Samson that when his hair was cut. He lost strength. I always felt like that. Like when I would go in to get a haircut, I was like, please give me an haircut, A-I-R. Because you give them, tell them you want a half an inch, they take a mile. And it was a revelation to me when I found out you could actually extend your hair. So as soon as I found that out and I found someone that was in my price range, I started going and I've been going to the same woman out here for 13 years. It's pretty amazing. Shout out to Nona. The kind that I have is held in with beads. It's like they call it a weft of hair. So it's a big piece of hair. And then it's she does this like incredible technique where she like weaves it into my head with beads. And the thing is, you have to get it tightened about every six to eight weeks so that they stay in place and they're not able to be seen. And I was due for getting them tightened last weekend on Sunday. But my hairdresser had to cancel with me because she got sick. Thank you for sparing me the germs. But my tracks were showing. And I knew that I couldn't be going out in public. When my fiance notices that my hair extensions are showing, it's like SOS. I need to, like, I can't go anywhere without a hat. So I knew at that point that in order to be a functioning human in the world that week without like having to wear a disguise, I was going to have to take my extensions out. The time had come. And so... There are ways to do this at home, not recommended, but I did it during the pandemic. And I did it one other time when I was like in dire straits. And basically, like you can use a pair of pliers and take them out. I'm giving you way more information than you need to know. But all that's to say, Timmy, my fiance, like when he found out that Nona couldn't do my hair, offered to help me. He said he would happily do it. But then it got to the time when I thought it was like the correct time to do my hair. And I noticed... Timmy was like in our guest room doing something. So I'm like, whatever, I'll just do it. So I got impatient and I started removing them myself. And in order to do that, I mean, I have my hands wrapped around my head. I had a pair of pliers that I'm using. I'm holding the weft open so that I can take them out. I was exhausted. It was completely unskilled. And I was literally pulling out like chunks of my own hair as I was doing this. There was really truly no reason for it. And finally, Timmy came out of the guest room and he's like, oh my gosh, what's going on? Like, I wanted to help you. Why didn't you wait for me? And when we hadn't agreed on a set time, so finally I was like able to relax and I was like, okay, well, yeah, I just wanted to get it going, but it isn't going that well. And I'm like yanking them out because I can't do this on my own. And then he started removing them and it was so quick And all I had to do on my end was like hold the piece of hair in place for him so that he could see what he was doing. And no hair was getting lost as he was. pulling the extensions out. And the whole process was done in less than a half an hour, which I think like at the point when he came out, I had already been working on it 15 minutes and I'd only gotten out three pieces. There was no hair loss, no exhaustion. It was a job well done as a team. And it happened because I was able to lean on my partner and be vulnerable enough and not patient. I can't say I was patient enough. but like be vulnerable enough to let him help me. Like it's a vulnerable thing to like let your man remove extensions from your head. But like, I mean, I think it shows how beautiful our love is. But also it was like a real moment where I let someone help me. And in that moment, I thought it was a perfect metaphor for my career, my creative life, so many things in my life. It was just a visual representation of it. I was literally pulling out my own hair. For what? To prove that I could do it on my own and to just go down that path again. And so seeing how easy it was when Tim helped me was a realization that this is how I want my creative life to feel. Supported, joyful, cozy, connective, and collaborative. Not pulling out my own hair. So now I take it to you. And, you know, I have been I've been on this journey for a while. I've started to ask for a lot more help. I'm going to share some examples with you later on of how I've asked for help. But I have a long way to go. And I want to share some of the things I've learned and how you can start to ask for help, how you can know if you're in a place where you want to ask for help, collaborate, find community. And what I'm doing to increase my creative community and collaborations like this year for me is all about collaborations. and building community. And there's a difference between collaboration and codependency. It doesn't mean just because you collaborate with someone that you're giving up your power or that you're wrapping your life around them now. Codependence is, I can't do it without you. Hyper-independence is, I won't do it with anyone. I do it all myself. Healthy collaboration is, we each bring magic. Let's make something greater together. It's owning your strengths and allowing somebody else to own their strengths and coming together to become stronger. So some signs you might be ready to collaborate. You're feeling creatively stuck or burnt out. This was me on the podcast when I first brought on an editor. So I did the podcast alone for the first year, almost two years. And finally, I met my first editor, Emily. She was helping with my music video at the time, and she said, I'm interested in podcasts. And so when I brought her on, it was such a sigh of relief. And here's something interesting. Every single time I bring a new collaborator on the show, so an editor or a social media person or what have you, the downloads always go up. There's something called a mastermind alliance, and I really believe that when two people work together toward a shared goal, you can get further than you ever could alone, two or more people. So that was my example of that. I mean, I'm sure I've had a million, but that's the first one that comes to mind. Another sign that you're ready for a creative collaboration is that you've been stalling on a dream project. That was me with speaking. I had been doing speaking. I had wanted to break more into the industry for years. And I finally realized, like, I'm not going to get any further with this if I don't ask for help. So at that point, I hired my coach and strategist, Stacy. And ever since then, things have been rolling. I got a speaking manager. I'm signed with, like, I think three or four speaking bureaus now. I booked a gig at Pinterest, which was so cool. Speaking about creating through crisis. I'm meeting more and more speakers. So hiring Stacey and putting that partnership out in the world helped me really start to go after this dream that I had been toying with, but I was stalled out on getting any further with. Another sign that you're ready for a partner is that you crave outside energy or accountability. So an example of that is my friend Liz who wrote the theme music for this show. When I know I'm like waning on my music, I'll call Liz and just be like, can we just do a writing session together? We write so well together. Her strengths are my weaknesses and my weaknesses are her strengths. Wait, other way around. Her strengths are my weaknesses and my strengths are her weaknesses. Like we just balance each other out. When you know you need that outside accountability to get your creative work done. Calling out for a creative collaborator is so important. Sometimes you might just wish someone would just get it with you or hold the weight with you. I think that's the place I'm in right now. Like I have a lot of different collaborators in random places, but I want someone to work on a project with that like we're coming at it completely together, like from the ground up. And another one is if the idea of asking for help makes you uncomfortable, that's probably a really good sign that you need it. I'm still working on this, but it gets... easier each time you ask for help. So now let's go into how to call in creative collaboration. So these are some of the tools I've been using over the last few years as I've started to bring more people into my creative circle and something I'm going to start doing even more because I really recognize how much I want and need community and how much I want partnership, like true partnership and creativity. So the first thing you want to do is get clear on what you're calling in. What is the project? If it's a project that you know you want to collaborate on, what kind of partner do you want? And is that partner or collaborator, is it going to be something paid like when I hired my coach, like I pay her and she collaborates with me? Or is it a profit share? An example of that would be like when I write with Liz for a specific project or just for fun and the experience. I recently reached out to someone on LinkedIn. Because they were a music producer and they were looking for somebody to work with that was like interested in doing more music just for the fun of it. I want to do just more music in general right now. So that would be an example of that. And then the next step is asking for help out loud. At first, just to yourself. So saying to yourself, I'm looking for a creative collaborator on blank. Like writing it in your journal. Maybe telling a close friend, even a friend that can't help you find the collaborator, but just sharing that with them. Be specific, be open, be brave, be bold, ask for something even that you're afraid of. And then breathing through the discomfort. It is very uncomfortable to ask for help. And you might have to gear yourself up quite a bit. Like sometimes for me to even send an email, I need to pep talk myself for weeks. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes it takes weeks. Like there is one specific email I've been gearing myself up to write for a year. I should just do it because saying it out loud is like, oh my God, a year girl, honey, like what's the worst thing that could happen? The worst thing that could happen is that someone will ghost you because honestly, a ghost is harder to stomach than a no, especially when it's a person you know. But even that, like I've been ghosted a million times. I can survive that, you know? So breathing through the discomfort, vulnerability is huge when you're for starting to ask for help or asking for someone to partner with you. or asking to join a community, breathe through it. You will make it. You are very strong. And then finally, asking for help from others, putting the word out. You might put it out on social. You might put it out to your friends, to your online communities. Start, again, speaking it into existence to people that you know and are meeting. Like anyone who asks, like, what are you trying to do right now? I'm trying to find a co-writer. I'm trying to find somebody to help me publish my book. I'm trying to find an executive assistant. I'm trying to become part of a songwriting community. Whatever it is, the more you share it with other people, the more they start collaborating with you to help you make it happen. And then you gotta show up. Okay, this is really hard, but go to the event. Like I think I spent so long after the pandemic literally afraid to leave my house. And it's understandable, I have compassion for that. But like things happen when you move. My dad always says he's a salesman. He sells life insurance and he's an incredible financial planner. And he always says activity solves all problems, which means if you are low on sales, if you get out there and just keep going, something's going to happen. Well, it's the same thing with trying to find somebody. Yes, like you can manifest things and whatever, but you can't just wait for life to like drop it in front of your face. You have to get out there and put yourself in the arena. So go to the event, DM the person, send the email after a year, Lauren. Ask for a meeting. Again, the worst thing somebody can do is ghost you or say no, and then you're in the same position you were in, but at least you're not saying no to yourself. Remember, our number one tip and tool is that we are not ever going to be the ones saying no to ourselves. We do not shut the door on ourselves. We at least open the door for ourselves. And the last part is know yourself. When you do finally get into this partnership, and things get hard because they do, sometimes when you're first starting with someone, even if it's a great partnership, you might wanna burn it down. Because it's kind of the same thing that happens like when you're in the middle of a creative project. Like it's so exciting when you first have the idea and when you first meet the person. And then when things get going and there's like a slight difference in the energy, you might be like, oh my gosh, I've made a terrible mistake. But it doesn't necessarily mean that, especially if you had a good feeling when you went into it. What you want to do is try to then reset with that person and stick through the messy middle to see if it is the right collaboration. An example I have of this is, as you know, my editor and producer of three years, Rachel, just moved on and got a great new job as a broadcast journalist. So I just started with a new editor. And the first edit he sent to me was like, just not, he worked really hard on it. It was wonderful. I was grateful for it, but it was just not in my style. And I think I've like passed very low level trauma over like. having to train people from the ground up. And this is a skilled editor. So it was like a stylistic thing that at first I was like, oh, I'm just, I'm not even going to try. Like, this isn't going to work out. I just need to move on. I guess I need to find someone new. But then I, I breathed through it and I was like, okay, let's give him a chance. Like he's great. You've seen his work. You literally hired him because he edits one of your friends' podcasts. I'm talking to myself right now. But back to my conversation with me. You literally like have seen how great his work is. It's got to just be like a misunderstanding. Give him your notes. Give him a chance to get this right. So I did it and he rose to the occasion on every single note. That edit took us a while because doing your first project with a new person, it's going to take a while to build yourself back up to like where you were in a flow with like either the person before or certainly with yourself. But now with the second edit he got me, I only had like three notes because I went through the pain of like us getting on the same page and he was willing to do it. And even though it was probably hard for both of us, we got through that. And now we're in a creative flow together. So don't burn it down when things get hard, unless it's like you've been disrespected or something. If it's just like a stylistic thing or a workflow difference, see if you can work through it Because These collaborations we have, they're precious and they're important and we have to give each other a chance. Now, one thing I will say and that I've made a mistake of in the past is not setting clear expectations at the top of a working relationship, especially if you're hiring someone or you're like working together and partnering and like sharing a profit somehow. And even if you're not, if you think there's a chance that you could, it's really important to set expectations, timelines, roles, money at the beginning, potentially putting contracts in place. I know this sounds wild, maybe to you, but I've just had enough experiences now, like even putting contracts in place with friends, because, you know, my friend, not my friend, my therapist, who I wish was my friend, she's amazing. She said once to me, you should never marry someone that you wouldn't also want to get divorced from. And what I think she meant by that, or what I've heard her say, she meant by that is... You want to be with someone who would be as kind to you in the ending of a relationship as they were to you in the beginning of the relationship. And I think that creating these boundaries in the beginning is a kindness because many or most creative projects do come to an end at some point. And it's just helping you understand what the expectations are of the timeline, of the role, of the profit share, whatever it is. if and when it comes to an end, how it would work. And you want to do that at the beginning so there are no surprises and so that everybody feels good all the way through and is protected all the way through. It should be a mutually beneficial contract. Okay. And then also discussing creative control and vision early is super important. Scheduling regular check-ins, setting timelines, like the first, for instance, like the first edit that I did with my new editor, I didn't tell him like. get it back to me by X date. And I also was like kind of flaky on when I got him my notes back. So for the second edit, I said, okay, you'll get me the first edit by this date. I will get you my notes by this date. You will get me the second edit by this date. And while it may seem intense, like this one went so much better because we both knew what to expect. I think that's really important. Discussing creative control and vision early, scheduling regular check-ins. staying kind and curious, even in conflict. And if something feels off, giving yourself permission to pause or part ways with love. You are never stuck, just like in a romantic relationship. You always have the ability to reroute and to do so with love and respect. And I do want to say one other thing, because like this is the part of collaboration I'm working on and like the exhaustion and burnout I feel I think is because like I have these collaborators, but I don't feel like I have like one big collaborator. And I feel like that's what I really want. I want someone either for me and this person to like work on a big project together, like 50-50 from the beginning or somebody who helps me with my entire career and like has equal vision in it. I think that part is harder because I don't even fully know what I'm asking for. So I guess part of the advice I'm giving to myself and to you at the same time is to stay curious about what that would really even look like. So like the collaboration that you're most yearning for, like what would that look like if it isn't something that easily exists in the world, if it isn't something that you can just hire out, if it's a person you're looking to like partner with in a deeper way, keep asking. What would that actually look like out in the world? And defining that and defining that because maybe sometimes the reason why we're not getting it is because we don't really know what it is we're even asking for or wanting. So continuing to stay curious with yourself about what is the support I'm actually needing and how can I ask for it or seek it out. And remembering too, and I've kind of alluded to this, but collaboration isn't just with people. It's also sometimes more spiritual. And, you know, if you don't believe in this stuff, feel free to tune me out. But I think most of you here do, you cutie pie spiritual babes. But you can also co-create with your inner child. Ask your younger self, what would be fun for us to do today? You know, paint a painting, write a short story. You can collaborate with your higher self, asking that version of you, what is the most authentic and attuned creation I could make. And then continuing to ask that self for guidance and letting it inform what comes out. And you can also collaborate with your spirit guides or the universe itself, like whatever you believe in, ask your higher power, ask your guides, what would you have me make today? What should I ask? Who should I go toward? What wants to be created through me and who or what is meant to help? How should I do it? What would you have me do? What would you have me know. And I would like to end it with this, a guided reflection, calling in collaboration. If this is all resonating with you and you feel like you want to call in creative collaborators, you want to create community, you want to get better at asking for help, this is a reflection and somewhat a visualization to call in that collaboration and to get back in touch with yourself. So before we start, We're going to just take one of my special breaths in. We're going to picture the breath coming in through the heavens, into our head, and down through our feet. So let's take that breath in. Okay. Wherever you are, if it's safe to do so, gently close your eyes. And we're going to take another deep breath in and out. Now bring to mind a project or milestone that you've been dreaming of or something that you could really use help with. something that's been on your heart. How does it feel when you think of it? Know that you don't have to do it all alone. When you think of having some sort of collaborator or partner, what does it feel like? Does it lift a weight from your shoulders? Does it feel like peace in your heart? Does it relax your jaw? Whatever feeling you have now is what you'll feel when you meet your perfect collaborator or community. Now gently ask yourself, Where could I allow in more support? What would it feel like to be seen, held, and to co-create? Who might already be in my life that I could create something beautiful with? If I don't currently know my co-creators, where should I go to meet them or find them? Now place a hand on your heart. Quietly say to yourself, I am open to receive. I am worthy of support. I am ready to collaborate with courage, joy, and trust. Now take another deep breath in through the heavens and out into the earth. When you're ready, gently open your eyes. Your next creative collaborator could be closer than you think. So, my loves, we're not meant to do this alone. Creativity yearns to be collaborative. And asking for help isn't a weakness, it's wisdom. So go out there, start the conversation. call in collaboration and create something that is from a place that is sustainable because making things from community instead of saying, I have to do it all myself, that's what can sustain throughout even a lifetime and beyond, beyond lifetimes. Your next creative breakthrough might begin with just one brave ask, and I believe you can do it. Thank you so much for listening. This podcast was hosted and executive produced by me, Lauren LaGrasso. Music is by Liz Pohl. For more information on me and the show, follow us at Lauren LaGrasso and at Unleash Your Inner Creative on social media. If you like what you heard today, especially if you like this episode, leave us a rating and review so we know you liked it. And feel free to offer up other ideas, topics, and guests you'd like to hear me hit. Also share the show with a friend. Podcasts are shared person to person, and there's no greater influencer in our life than our friends and family. I love you, and I believe in you. Go find your collaborators. I'll talk with you next week.
