- Speaker #0
Hey, it's my favorite time of the month. That's right, the first Sunday of every month. We here at the Tavern in the Dungeon love sharing our stories with you every month, free of charge. So, if you could leave us a nice review, it would mean a lot to us. Thank you. And with that out of the way, let's get back to the story, shall we? We decided last time to leave Brunach, the Iran, and Sylvia back at the tavern on the second level of the dungeon, and Alara, Laurelin, and myself would travel on foot the rest of the way to Bastion. Also, we saw Securitas and his two colleagues visit Joshua, a renowned and powerful mage at his establishment, the Gold Chalice. Something's brewing here, and it's not Brunach's stew. We'll just have to wait and find out what's to come. Hold on to your forks. Episode 4, The Quest, begins. All right, I think we can take a break here.
- Speaker #1
Ugh, my feet. Goddess, I'm getting too old for all this walking.
- Speaker #2
Who knew adventuring would be like 98% walking?
- Speaker #0
Yeah, I used to say that all the time back in the day.
- Speaker #1
Yep. He would whine all day long about walking. Had to stuff cotton in our ears to drown it out.
- Speaker #0
Hey, I wasn't that bad.
- Speaker #1
You were. Honestly, you were.
- Speaker #0
What about you? You were literally complaining ten seconds ago.
- Speaker #1
Oh, please, that's not complaining.
- Speaker #0
What is it then?
- Speaker #1
I don't know. It's like giving the group an update or something. Just a statement.
- Speaker #2
So, are you taking me back to the surface?
- Speaker #0
No.
- Speaker #1
Oh. No, no. Why would you say that?
- Speaker #2
Um, I don't know. I just thought this was just a nice way of...
- Speaker #1
Of?
- Speaker #2
I don't know. Kicking me out.
- Speaker #0
Oh.
- Speaker #1
Oh.
- Speaker #0
Now that I think about it, it does seem like that, doesn't it?
- Speaker #1
Yep, that tracks our mistake. Sorry. Wait,
- Speaker #2
so you're not taking me home? Er, I meant to the surface?
- Speaker #0
Er,
- Speaker #1
why? Er, do you want to go home?
- Speaker #2
I don't know. Maybe, yeah. But I have nothing. Literally.
- Speaker #1
Well, Ellara, Gorim's going to have to tell you the truth now.
- Speaker #2
Huh? What truth? What are you talking about?
- Speaker #0
Let me explain. Ellara, the tavern, it's, um, it's kind of magical. Enchanted.
- Speaker #2
Oh? That's pretty neat.
- Speaker #0
Yes, it is, but there's a catch.
- Speaker #2
Okay, what does that mean?
- Speaker #0
It's about going back home.
- Speaker #1
It means Gorim should start from the beginning, you know, for context.
- Speaker #0
Right.
- Speaker #2
Wait, what does me going home have to do with the tavern?
- Speaker #0
I'll, um, get to that point soon. But Laurelyn is right. I should start at the beginning.
- Speaker #2
Yeah, sure. Let's just sit here in the dark, damp cave. Who doesn't like a good story, right?
- Speaker #1
That's the spirit. Gorim, take it away.
- Speaker #0
Um, hmm. It was about 50 or so years ago, when I was a much younger man, just started adventuring like you are now. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were exploring the depths of the dungeon that very few had adventured before, mainly because we were young and arrogant, but also because we were good. Very good.
- Speaker #1
Everyone, we're under attack! Fend off these ugly green fuckers! Goblins, my man. They're called goblins. Couldn't care less, Lorelei. Just kill them.
- Speaker #3
That is the plan. Now shut up, Thorodon, and focus.
- Speaker #1
Oh shit, what's that sound? Drums? Er... guys.
- Speaker #0
On guard, here they come! The Venom's one is mine!
- Speaker #1
Ssss! Go on in behind, Jules! What? I got them! Watch your flank,
- Speaker #0
idiot! Bang!
- Speaker #1
Three arrows! Nice shot there, pointy ears! Oh, shut up!
- Speaker #3
I'm casting a spell to get out of my way. Respiratio und Ignis!
- Speaker #1
Eisler, that's enough! They're done cooking! Alright, everyone good? No one's dead yet?
- Speaker #3
I am bored.
- Speaker #1
Wow, Isla. Only you would ever incinerate a dozen living creatures and say it's boring. But okay, not hurt. Is my shooting getting slower? I feel like my shooting has gotten slower. Okay. And Lorelai is talking about her legendary fitness again. She's fine. What about you, big guy? That was a close one,
- Speaker #0
eh? Not close enough, thanks to you. They call me Gorim the godsend for a reason, Thor. It's because I'm never going to die. Gorim!
- Speaker #1
One arrow! No, Gorim, no, stay with me.
- Speaker #0
The goblin arrow. It pierced through my armour and hit my heart.
- Speaker #2
Holy shit.
- Speaker #0
I should have died that day.
- Speaker #2
That is wild. Wow.
- Speaker #1
The point is, he should have died, but he didn't, Ellara.
- Speaker #2
Okay, so when I was attacked and dying, you brought me into the tavern.
- Speaker #0
Just like Thoradin did with me.
- Speaker #2
Right, okay.
- Speaker #0
It saved my life. Something about the tavern. It prevented my death.
- Speaker #2
That's great, right? What am I missing here?
- Speaker #0
Well, I did mention there was a catch.
- Speaker #2
Right. So, what's the catch?
- Speaker #1
You might want to sit down for this one, dear.
- Speaker #2
I'll be alright. I'm an adult, so... don't worry.
- Speaker #0
Okay, well, the thing is, Alara, you can never, and I mean never, leave the dungeon again.
- Speaker #2
What? That's all? And here I was, worrying myself silly.
- Speaker #0
You're taking it pretty well.
- Speaker #1
Yep.
- Speaker #2
Nothing to worry about.
- Speaker #1
Three, two, one, there it is. Let's get her in bed. Poor thing. She needs the rest.
- Speaker #0
I'll take first watch. You want to take the... No. Okay, guess I'll take all of them. The Plunge in Dungeon presents A Tavern in the Dungeon. Once a month, you'll hear stories about a legendary tavern ran by a group of misfits who try to provide a safe haven for those who adventure deep in the dark labyrinths of the dungeon. Until the day the tavern shuts down, you will be able to enjoy the magical ballads and tales woven by Sylvia for free. Brunak is preparing one of his delicious stews just in case you have an extra coin to spare. And if you like what you hear, consider tipping the staff. As the proprietor of this tavern, I am obligated to tell you listeners that the tales within these four walls are meant to be funny, often dark, but with just enough goodness to balance you out. It's another day here in Haven. The ale is stocked, the instruments tuned, and the food is a-stewing. All you have to do is open the door. See you inside. A tavern in the dungeon.
- Speaker #4
Alright everyone, listen up.
- Speaker #5
Hey, he said listen up.
- Speaker #6
Shut the fuck up or you won't get paid. Wow. That's all it takes.
- Speaker #4
Thank you, Scar. I want to start this meeting by thanking the owner of the cockatrice's leg, Tarun.
- Speaker #1
Oh, thank you, everyone. I hope you enjoy your stay.
- Speaker #4
Our sponsor for this meeting and the adventure afterwards has also graciously provided tonight's meal and drink. Tarun, what are we having tonight?
- Speaker #0
Oh,
- Speaker #1
yes. Tonight will be an endless buffet of our most popular dish,
- Speaker #0
fried cockatrice chicken and ten barrels of ale.
- Speaker #1
The cheapest will we have.
- Speaker #4
Now before we fill our stomachs with meat and mead, let's get down to the reason why we're all here. Many of you already know who I am, but for those newer folk, let me introduce myself. I am Securitas, born and raised here in Bastion. The sponsor tells me what they want and I do everything else. That includes paying you all. Do we understand what that means? Good. Daniel, take it from here.
- Speaker #5
Hello, everyone. My name is Daniel, and I'm one of the organizers for this upcoming quest. Now, some of you are newer, so let me explain. A quest is simply when multiple adventuring parties explore the dungeon below with the same goal at hand. Got it? Yes. Great. Now, we've gathered four of the most qualified upcoming parties, each with their own unique strengths. strengths that we intend on putting to the test but before my colleague goes into those details i will first conduct roll call when i call your group's name the leader should respond for the entire group any questions okay great to start off Do we have the band of the sharp dog here?
- Speaker #4
I am Sirin Silentbrace of the sharp dogs,
- Speaker #5
and we are all present. It's a really interesting uniform you're all wearing there. All black clothing and piercings. We appreciate your empty compliment, but we do not require your validation. Our power speaks for itself. Right. Moving on. Do we have the... Family jewels?
- Speaker #1
Greetings my handsome gentle fellow.
- Speaker #5
Uh...
- Speaker #1
It is I, Sage Vernillard of House Vernillard, and yes,
- Speaker #0
THE
- Speaker #1
House Vernillard.
- Speaker #5
Okay. In fact,
- Speaker #1
everyone in our party is of the Vernillard line. We're probably the most noble of any adventuring party. Ha ha ha ha.
- Speaker #5
yeah okay let's try to move this along up next is uh the um dark branch y'all don't have to keep standing up we are the dark branch we are of one mind however i am referred to singularly as kadrick if y'all one mind and body why is there four of y'all And are we sure about them? Because... No offense, Kadrick, but y'all look very old. What the fuck? Did you just shush me? Bro, I will fuck you up.
- Speaker #4
Daniel, there's only one left. Let's continue.
- Speaker #5
Okay, fine. The last party is here. I see him right there. Happy? Great. I'm gonna go drink now.
- Speaker #2
They call us golden hands because, as you can see, we have a lot of gold on these hands.
- Speaker #6
Nice to meet ya.
- Speaker #2
Got that gold on my fingies, bruh. Know what I mean? Doot,
- Speaker #1
doot, doot. Cool.
- Speaker #6
Hey y'all, I go by Scar. Don't ask why. You may know me from the Loot Boys.
- Speaker #5
With a Z.
- Speaker #4
Never heard of them.
- Speaker #0
We are those guys.
- Speaker #6
Ask me later for my autograph.
- Speaker #1
We will not.
- Speaker #6
Okay, words hurt. And you have all hurt me. So, I hope you feel good about yourselves.
- Speaker #4
Scar, please.
- Speaker #6
Whatever, anyways. As you should already know, the dungeon changes all the time. But there are areas that remain relatively unchanged. This is where all of your skills come into play. Sharpdogs. Yes. We're going to rely on your expert surveillance skills and place you in the main entrance.
- Speaker #5
The maze of graves.
- Speaker #4
Yes.
- Speaker #5
Wise decision.
- Speaker #6
Family jewels. Present. We're going to need your connections with the ancestral spirits that dwell in the royal catacombs.
- Speaker #1
Most stimulating. I yearn to know more of this plan. Oh, yes.
- Speaker #6
Dark Branch, we'll need you to set up in the Twilight Jungle.
- Speaker #1
We agree.
- Speaker #6
And Golden Hands, you'll be running interference on other adventuring parties.
- Speaker #1
Hell yeah.
- Speaker #6
We don't want them to get mixed up in all of this.
- Speaker #2
We'll fucking web them motherfuckers up. Webbing them.
- Speaker #1
We be webbing them. Web,
- Speaker #2
web, webbing them.
- Speaker #6
Yeah, okay, nice. I like that. Along with your generous pay, each of the party leaders will be receiving an amulet of telepathic speaking and a map of divination that will be tuned to your amulets. So in other words, you lose your amulet, you forfeit the rest of your reward. Now, we'll be going over the basics of spellcraft. That's the skill you need to operate magical devices. We'll first start by tuning the magical device...
- Speaker #4
Evening, Mr. Draxit.
- Speaker #1
Wait a moment.
- Speaker #4
Sure, okay. Hey, Daniel, have you seen Joshua yet?
- Speaker #1
Give us a moment, will ya? And so guess what I told him. Just guess.
- Speaker #5
Uh, uh-huh. Um, I don't know.
- Speaker #1
Yeah, yeah. So I told him, right? Right in the face, I told him, you better believe an owlbear did that. Should have seen his face, mate.
- Speaker #5
So funny.
- Speaker #1
Yeah, it is, mate. Yeah, it is. Now, Boyle, what's so important that you had to go and interrupt such a prime joke?
- Speaker #4
Sorry about that. I just wanted to ask Daniel here if he's seen our important guest.
- Speaker #5
Oh, uh, oh, yes. Yes, I did. Yup, I'll take you to him. Follow me.
- Speaker #4
Okay.
- Speaker #1
Well then, make sure to swing back around afterwards so we can finish our little chat.
- Speaker #5
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. See ya. Thanks, boss. I didn't know how much longer I could stand that dude.
- Speaker #4
Okay, sure. So?
- Speaker #5
So.
- Speaker #4
Daniel, where the hell is Joshua?
- Speaker #5
How would I know?
- Speaker #4
You literally just told me you did.
- Speaker #5
Oh, yeah, I was lying. I never saw him. I just said yes so I can walk away. I didn't even remember what you asked me.
- Speaker #4
Oh, dear mother, give me your eternal patience because mine is wearing real thin.
- Speaker #5
Whoa!
- Speaker #4
Because of the devil himself.
- Speaker #5
Shit, I can never get used to that.
- Speaker #7
What was that about a devil, Securitas?
- Speaker #4
We don't have time for this. She's waiting upstairs for you.
- Speaker #7
you already know not to question my punctuality my timing is and always has been impeccable here we go again to my knowledge we have exactly forty-seven seconds remaining the stairs here will take approximately ten to twelve seconds to ascend and total travel time including the explanation is exactly thirty-nine seconds leaving us early by
- Speaker #5
eight seconds holy shit come on let's go hey so my dad always says if i'm on time it means i'm late Any thoughts on that?
- Speaker #7
Your father likes to show others that he values their time. It's a way to show eagerness and reliability. But I do not value anyone's time above my own. Nor do I show eagerness like a doting pup. I can travel where I want to instantaneously. So why would I ever need to show my reliability?
- Speaker #4
Alright, here we are.
- Speaker #3
Those who should enter may enter.
- Speaker #5
I guess I'll just wait outside.
- Speaker #3
Exactly on time. I have heard that you have never been late. Not even once.
- Speaker #7
According to my sources, we should have entered the room eight seconds prior, but I imagine you had to test me somehow. It's often an overlooked game.
- Speaker #3
And what game is that?
- Speaker #7
The game of counting seconds. Of endless probabilities. A game of time. And you're losing.
- Speaker #4
Oh. Uh, maybe we-Curious.
- Speaker #3
Why do you think that I'm losing?
- Speaker #7
Because you're dying. And therefore, running out of time. As I've heard your kind so aptly put it.
- Speaker #3
Yes, that information was supposed to be a secret. It should have been very, very hard to come by.
- Speaker #7
Let's just say it's not easy to keep secrets. From me.
- Speaker #3
Oh, so I've heard. It is only natural for you to show me your skill. It always makes for good leverage. However, in showing off, you have also revealed your greatest weakness to me.
- Speaker #7
And what would that be?
- Speaker #3
Well, for starters, I am not dying.
- Speaker #7
Just a small detail, it didn't matter to me whether or not you were. How is that my greatest weakness?
- Speaker #3
Let me explain, Sen. As powerful as you are, it still requires substantial amount of resources. for you to validate or verify any given piece of information you currently possess. This means small details can often be under looked. Therein lies the opportunity for your enemies to misdirect you enough to eventually get close enough to you and kill you.
- Speaker #4
Uh, Ms. Hawthorne.
- Speaker #1
Please.
- Speaker #3
Now, I have rendered your mode of transportation unusable, Joshua. go ahead and try to teleport away ah so i was right you are using a standard teleportation spell but you have mastered the skill of chanting your spells so quietly no one knows when you're casting a spell very clever indeed I am not here to kill you, so please keep your left hand away from the leather pouch hidden beneath the left fold of your robe. If you attempt to flee or retaliate, then you will be dealt with. Understood? Not for me, if you understand. Good. And you, Securitas? Excellent. Now then, speak.
- Speaker #7
I am impressed.
- Speaker #4
Was this all really necessary? Yes.
- Speaker #7
So, you're not really dying then?
- Speaker #3
Oh no, I am. See, just wanted to point out another one of your little holes.
- Speaker #7
And how can this tavern help?
- Speaker #3
Oh, it's not going to help with that. It's more of a sentimental reason. An old friend resides there. And I want to see him before I go. That's all.
- Speaker #7
An old friend. So it is true, Gorim the gods, and he runs a tavern, right?
- Speaker #3
I can only hope.
- Speaker #7
Hmm. So the famous Isla Hawthorne, legendary pyromancer turned powerful guild master politician, needs my help on a quest to find a tavern in the dungeon.
- Speaker #4
Seriously, who could make stuff like this up?
- Speaker #3
Securitas, get the troops readied by tomorrow, and ask Mr. Draxit to call for my equipment. Thank you. You are dismissed.
- Speaker #4
Yes, Miss Hawthorne.
- Speaker #3
And Joshua, would you care for a sample of my wine?
- Speaker #7
If it pleases my palate, then I would kindly request more than just a sample.
- Speaker #4
Ugh.
- Speaker #3
What was that, Securitas? Did you say something?
- Speaker #4
No, Miss Hawthorne. I'm just going to get everything ready. Good night.
- Speaker #5
So, how'd it go?
- Speaker #0
Thanks for visiting Haven, a tavern in the dungeon. Catch us next time on Sunday night, the first week of every month. If you'd like to tip the staff, head over to patreon.com forward slash plungindungeon. We hope you enjoyed the show, and remember, all you have to do is open the door. See you inside a tavern in the dungeon.
