Jenelle Evans Sets the Record Straight on Family and Reality TV | Fargo Talks

Description

In this powerful episode of Fargo Talks, Jeff sits down with Jenelle Evans, widely known from MTV’s Teen Mom series; or an unfiltered conversation about life beyond reality TV. Jenelle opens up about the ongoing challenges she's faced as a mother, including dealing with a controlling parent, navigating custody struggles with the fathers of her children, and overcoming years of public judgment and scrutiny.

Now more self-aware and grounded than ever, Jenelle shares how she's built mental resilience, embraced her values, and redefined her identity outside of the headlines. This episode presents a mature and dignified Jenelle—focused on personal growth, her children’s well-being, and reclaiming her narrative.

It’s an honest and raw look at motherhood, media pressure, and rising above public perception. #realitytv #teenmom #jenelleevans

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Website: https://www.fargotalks.com/

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Transcription

Speaker #0
hey janelle hey welcome to fargo talks thank you for inviting me well it's we're just talking i am not a reality show guy i'm just not but the research i've done is bananas like yeah with like how you got into it and what you and it's you're so young yeah right yeah How did that feel when you were like, let's just jump right into it. Like, how old were you when you were approached by the producers? And what did that feel like?
Speaker #1
Well, I was 16 years old at the time. And I actually just watched Farrah's episode of 16 and Pregnant. I was going to say she was just on here. And once I saw that, I was, you know, seven months pregnant. And I was like, I wonder if they're looking for more people. So honestly, I went on MTV.com, went to casting calls. I submitted myself, which most of the girls, their parents submitted them. But for me, I submitted myself and they contacted me and they were like, can we come down to North Carolina and meet you? And that's where it all began.
Speaker #0
How? I mean, again, I'm not a woman, if you couldn't tell. I'm not. The hormones, everything's going when you're, I mean, you're baking a baby.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Right. And on top of that, you've got cameras and producers and everything else. How was that mentally on you? Like, how did how did you get through that? Because to me, without even knowing you, it shows that you have a very strong constitution, like you're very much strong willed, confident. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. You know what you want and you're going to do whatever you can in a safe, legal way to get there. But if you got to break a couple eggs to make an omelet, you got to fucking do that sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So walk me through that.
Speaker #1
So I think when I was younger, I was more carefree. And I think I had a tougher shell than I do now. Because now looking back on everything, some of the stuff I went through, of course, I didn't make the best decisions. But I'm like, wow, that really happened. And as an adult, reflecting back on these things. I feel like you take it more seriously in the situation versus when I was younger, I was just like, like I said, carefree, did not care what anybody thought. And now it's like I'm kind of taking a few steps back and reflecting on all of it. And a lot of people think I'm in that same position that I was in, but I'm 33 now. I'm not 16. And I think a lot of people don't realize that. So the persona of people thinking I'm the bad one. still lingers a little bit. So that's why like, I've been trying to break away from teen mom and trying to like do my own thing.
Speaker #0
Good for you.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
What, what would 33 year old you tell, you know, 16 year old you?
Speaker #1
Well, I would say calm down, but, but I feel like everything that I've been through in life has made me the person I am today. So I would say. I would tell her things will get better and just hang in there.
Speaker #0
I saw a clip one time, Tom Hanks, the actor, had a great line. He said, this too shall pass.
Speaker #1
I have that tattooed on my stomach.
Speaker #0
I love you. It's like, if it's bad, this too shall pass. If it's good, this too shall pass.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Right? That helps me give me this grounding. Whenever I face a challenge. But also it helps me stay centered whenever something like amazing happens in my life. You don't get too like over your skis.
Speaker #1
Yeah. No, no. I feel that way too because it's like certain bad situations you're in, you can reflect and be like, maybe God put me in this situation to learn from it.
Speaker #0
And it's something that, how does that help shape you as a parent?
Speaker #1
Yeah. It's weird because you're growing up. with your kids as you're growing up, which is crazy because you try to make the best decisions you can, but sometimes you don't because you're still a kid growing up too.
Speaker #0
Do you let your kids know that you're not perfect and you're going to make mistakes?
Speaker #1
Definitely. Right. Definitely. And I let them know now that they're getting older and you know, my oldest son, he's a teenager now. And I let him know, I'm like, listen, I've been through the criminal system and I've been in and out of jail before and you don't want to go to... through that path and I give him some examples of what I've been through.
Speaker #0
How did that resonate with him? How'd he take it?
Speaker #1
Um, I feel like he didn't take it seriously. And I feel like most kids, they don't want to take their parents' advice until they actually go through it. And I was the same way.
Speaker #0
The hardest thing ever as a parent is watching your kids fail and letting them fail.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Oh, my God.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Right? Because you're like, you know that they're driving the car into a wall. You want to step in. And you want to step in and help them, but that's the worst thing you can do.
Speaker #1
Exactly.
Speaker #0
Right?
Speaker #1
Yeah. Because again, I learned from all my mistakes.
Speaker #0
What would your kids say about you as a mom?
Speaker #1
I would say they would say I'm smart. I'm funny. I'm pretty. My son, Kaiser, my 10-year-old, he always says how pretty he thinks I am. So, yeah, he's such a sweetheart.
Speaker #0
It's something that kids are the best way to get reviews about things because there's no filter.
Speaker #1
No, no, definitely not. Right? Definitely not.
Speaker #0
Your kids are going to tell you if something looks good on you, if it doesn't look good on you. Like when I was a kid, I would see, I had a great relationship with my mom for years. I would see kids that were not nice to their moms. And I'd go back to my mom and I'd say, how come John Smith is like not nice? And my mom would be like, I don't know, honey. We don't have that.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
And I just, that's something that always resonated with me. And that you're a strong-willed person. You're fiercely protective of your kids.
Speaker #1
Definitely.
Speaker #0
Right? Raised in the public eye. How do you think that affected your kids?
Speaker #1
I think right now, since MTV has stepped away my two youngest kids, I'm giving them like more privacy. Because since they stepped away, like I'm trying not to post them as much online or like maybe a picture here and there on Instagram, but not anything like in their face. Because it's like the cameras have been in their face for so long. them stepping back and letting them, you know, just be kids. But my oldest one, Jace, he gets noticed. He's 15. So he gets noticed a lot of places he goes to and he gets annoyed with it. And he just wishes people would know him for him and not because they made the connection with him in the show. And I told him, you know, since he was like eight, I said, listen, you're going to have to pick and choose the rest of your life who's good enough to be in your life. I said, because unfortunately you were on this show and people are going to want to be your friend just because you're on the show. Yeah. So there's like a whole nother, not just trusting people personally, but there's a whole different dynamic to do they watch the show? Are they being genuine with me right now? Or are they just like, Oh, I searched this up. So I want to be Jason's friend.
Speaker #0
Does he have a good, like,
Speaker #1
friend validity detector to know he does and he has a very small close friends like two or three really good friends that he goes to all the time to talk to that's awesome yeah how do you meet those friends school it's awesome yeah it's so good yeah in the neighborhood which it's hard here in vegas because the
Speaker #0
high schools are the high schools for those who don't know we're in las vegas and the school systems here suck a bag of dicks I'll just say it. It's fine. It's awful.
Speaker #1
Like you really,
Speaker #0
it's either you go private or my kids are in public school, but we really had to hunt like where to go.
Speaker #1
Yeah. See, he goes, well, I can't, well, I'll tell you, I'll tell you off air, but yeah.
Speaker #0
No one needs to know. But yeah,
Speaker #1
just the kids just in the school districts around here, they're just like, they're all trying to flash money to each other and what they own. and clothing brands even they wear like if you shop at target you're gonna get like really made fun of yeah yeah it's like they all want name brand everything and it's like my son jace tries to keep up and like yeah it's it's a lot and i'm like and i keep telling him i'm like all this isn't gonna matter when you get out of high school well it's not in a hundred years we're all ashes and dust yeah right and
Speaker #0
like the way i parent it's more about not not like making money for things It's about you make money to share experiences with your kids.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Take them on trips. Yeah, that's what I do. Right?
Speaker #1
I spend my money on trips for them.
Speaker #0
I get goosebumps. That's like the best thing ever. Oh,
Speaker #1
definitely.
Speaker #0
My daughter goes to a performing arts high school here in town. Okay. And so she's a theater kid. So two years ago, I took her to Broadway.
Speaker #1
That's cool.
Speaker #0
We saw Hamilton on Broadway.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Like winning dad moment ever. Yeah. I was 13 at the time. Did that. Went to a Yankee game. Had a blast. I go, honey, if you ever go down this road. here's the pros are here on broadway exactly yeah i took my kids to um
Speaker #1
Broadway, when they were my two, my stepdaughter and my oldest son, I took them to see The Lion King.
Speaker #0
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #1
Yeah. So they love that. It's in New York City. Great show. Yeah.
Speaker #0
We're actually, it's funny. We're kind of blessed here with the Smith Center that we get decent shows here.
Speaker #1
Oh, there's shows all around Vegas. It's crazy because you never need to go anywhere for the concerts. They always come to you.
Speaker #0
It's amazing. Yeah. We're very blessed here. Let's talk about the challenges of raising children in Las Vegas.
Speaker #1
Yeah, definitely. Yes.
Speaker #0
Like with body dysmorphia, because you're seeing, you know, Tao Beach Club is now hiring girls to work at the tables. And you're like, well, you know, it's just it's not real life.
Speaker #1
It's not right. And that's why I like the outside of Vegas as well. I like going to Mount Charleston, Lee Canyon. I want to go to the dunes and check them out. So and I go hiking, too. So it's a lot of fun outside of Vegas, too, which a lot of people. don't realize that it's not just the strip.
Speaker #0
I was going to say, how many people do you know that are like, oh, you live in Vegas? Do you live at Aria? Do you live at the Venetian? People have no idea that there is a wonderful myriad of, there's a bunch of different subcultures.
Speaker #1
There is.
Speaker #0
North, south, east, west of the strip. I'm in Henderson, love it. And they're 14 years, but I have friends in Summerlin, everywhere. But people that don't live here don't get that.
Speaker #1
Yeah. And people try when they come to visit, they try to eat like on the strip and do everything on the strip when and they're like, it's so expensive. And I'm like, if you just leave the strip, it's not that expensive. Like you get normal food prices.
Speaker #0
It's all the chefs that worked on the strip. And then we're like, OK, I've had it with all the corporate bullshit. I'm going to open up my own place.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
And the food is as good or better and cheaper.
Speaker #1
For real. It is. And they stay open. Usually there's a lot of places to stay open 24 hours. How?
Speaker #0
spoiled are we that like ever travel somewhere and they go we've got the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the entire you're like no you don't yeah you don't have the best or like barbecue people yeah i've gone to like texas my wife's from georgia we've got the best barbecue i'm like you really don't because there's so many there's so many different
Speaker #1
it's so diverse here that everyone comes from everywhere. Yeah. You got all this different mixing of like different cultures and foods. And I love trying all the foods here.
Speaker #0
It's, it's like our Chinatown is awesome.
Speaker #1
I haven't been there.
Speaker #0
I'm going to Chinatown spring mountain.
Speaker #1
No,
Speaker #0
we're over here. Oh, you got to go. Yeah. It's, I mean, you can swing a dead cat and hit 45 places that are all amazing. That are all, we'll talk after. It's just like, it's, and the thing is, it's so competitive here. You've got about a year ish. And if you don't make it, you're out.
Speaker #1
Oh, no, definitely. Right? Definitely. Which a lot of people think, again, that they have to stay at the Strip. And it's like, there's other business opportunities everywhere. Oh, yeah, and they're building the new studios here. Yeah, the new, what is it, Sony Studios? Yeah. That'll be interesting.
Speaker #0
Mark Wahlberg is spearheading that whole thing. I was in Irvine yesterday, and it's Southern California. People are hemorrhaging. They're leaving. Yeah. The thing I noticed, I was there yesterday. I'm looking around here. you see a bunch of license plates from different states. A lot of California. You'll see other people in California. It's all California license plates. Yeah. Dun, dun, dun.
Speaker #1
And it's expensive.
Speaker #0
Nobody's moving into California.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Right. And people are leaving. So now they're looking at Texas, Georgia, here to start filming more, you know, movies. Yeah. I'm really excited about that. I think that that is. To say like we're going to be, they say Hollywood 2.0. I'd rather say Las Vegas. Yeah. It's just going to be more entertainment. We're already the sports entertainment capital of the world. This is a whole nother thing that, God bless Mark Wahlberg. He's the guy.
Speaker #1
No, no, it's going to be amazing. Right. I'm really excited to see it and see like what movies are going to come out of that. Because in North Carolina, we do have Screen Gem Studios over there.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
So a lot of things were filmed like, was it Iron Man? And then... safe haven i don't know you don't it's well it was a nicholas cage book and then they made it into a movie i know that so south carolina i think is where they filmed righteous gemstones yeah you watch that show no i've heard of it i i know and i know who's in it i know who stars in it and i'm much about it is a national treasure that should be protected at all costs he's fucking hilarious and you need to watch righteous gemstones actually was an extra in eastbound and down.
Speaker #0
we really yeah i had my wife and i just binge watched the entire thing that's so funny what what episode was do you remember it's when they were about to head to myrtle beach and they were on a bowling league right on yeah really yeah good for you because they came into wilmington north carolina and they were filming
Speaker #1
And they were like, you know what? We're looking for extras. And they posted it online and I filled it out and everything. And then they chose me and my best friend. We went there for like three days and we were extras. But then, you know, Danny McBride came over to me and he was like, Teen Mom is like one of my favorite shows. I was like, no way. He's like, yeah. And then they wanted to give me a permanent role. But my MTV producer said, no, because you're under contract with us.
Speaker #0
Bastards.
Speaker #1
And I was like, I could have done both. Like. That would have been great, but maybe they thought they would have lost me.
Speaker #0
Dude, he's a, him, Walton Goggins, national treasure.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Walton Goggins is a national treasure. Yeah, you, we'll talk after, but you have to watch, you have to watch Righteous Gemstones. All right. You've been a mom your entire adult life, always under the microscope. What's one thing about being a young mom on reality TV that you think people still get totally wrong about you and your parenting?
Speaker #1
I think a lot of people, they just automatically assume. I think the number one thing is that I don't have custody of my kids, which I see a lot of comments like, you need to go watch your kids. You need to make sure they're okay. And it's like, I'm with them every single day. Every single day, I'm the one picking them up, dropping them off. I'm a single mom now. Been a single mom since I've been in Vegas. So really, I do it all on my own. And it's all on my shoulders, which I'm not complaining. I'm glad. And I'm a lot more peaceful in life, like without having a man there than having a man there. And I feel like that everyone's not walking on eggshells, you know?
Speaker #0
And your kids, I hope, see the work you're putting in.
Speaker #1
Definitely. Right? They are. And if they just like hear that I'm talk over, if they overhear, if they overhear me talking on the phone and if we're talking about like, if I'm talking about haters comments or whatever. My son, he's like, why is everyone so mean to you, mom? And I'm like, don't worry about it. It's okay. So like my other younger kids, they don't have social media.
Speaker #0
Do you read the comments?
Speaker #1
I post. I read a little bit here and there, but like usually I post and that's it. Because if you sit there and start reading comments, you go down this rabbit hole. And instead of all the good comments standing out to you, all the bad comments are just going to stand out. Those are the ones that are going to scream in your head. And then all of a sudden you're depressed and you're like, I'm in a bad mood. And then you're like, no one talked to me.
Speaker #0
It's, it's so toxic. A lot of times it's bots. It's not even a real person.
Speaker #1
Yeah. I noticed that. Right.
Speaker #0
And so something I've learned to do, cause I've been a content creator for years. I have clients that are, and it's something that you post and maybe do a comment saying, you know, let's see your comments and then don't look at it again.
Speaker #1
I'll reply to some fans and be like, thank you for that. Thank you for this. But I only reply to positive people.
Speaker #0
Good. Yeah.
Speaker #1
Because I feel like, you know, you just can't feed into the negative.
Speaker #0
Don't give it's it's my wife told me this. It's validating to the trolls. You know, if you if you're talking to, you know, wife beater 1945 and and he says something harmful to you when you're clapping back, you're never going to change his mind.
Speaker #1
No.
Speaker #0
you know he's just gonna keep going and it's validating for him she replied back he's gonna reply every time yeah yeah and so it's it's something like i saw with like this stuff that farah and i have had some stuff that's gone viral she does not reply to any of it yeah and there's been a ton of not nice stuff about her and the thing is i never met her before in my entire life never watched teen mom she was wonderful yeah we had a great conversation pre-production call she's nothing but professional no i think she's doing great now and i have nothing but good things to say about her. Let's talk a little bit about, was that two weeks ago?
Speaker #1
I think so, yeah.
Speaker #0
How did that all come about? Because you guys were not good for a very long time. Next thing I know, you're at Virgin Hotels enjoying Mexican food.
Speaker #1
Well, I reached out to her and she was in town and I found out she was in town. I was like, do you want to go have dinner? She said, sure. And we agreed that we just wanted to hash the beef out over dinner and everything was fine. She's doing great. Um, she's sober. Um, you know, I was drinking a bunch of cocktails. She was drinking mocktails, which is great. And, um, she's been getting the therapy that she needs and she's putting herself first.
Speaker #0
So what prompted you to make the first move? It's awesome. That's like super cool for you to say that you did that. What, what prompted that?
Speaker #1
Well, I feel like it's been such a long time and we're both mature now. We're both older now. Um, we're both working on ourselves And I feel like. that we would have been able to relate in that way. So just wanted to reach out and see if she was up for it.
Speaker #0
How'd it feel?
Speaker #1
It felt good. Yeah, especially because things went so well.
Speaker #0
It's nice to mend fences.
Speaker #1
Definitely.
Speaker #0
Right?
Speaker #1
Definitely. Yeah, I don't like to keep grudges either.
Speaker #0
That is something that will erode away at the fiber of your soul.
Speaker #1
Exactly.
Speaker #0
That is, I mean, people overuse the word toxic, but that's toxic.
Speaker #1
But I also forgive too easily as well. Do you really? Yeah, always. All the time. I give like 50, 60 chances to people.
Speaker #0
How come?
Speaker #1
I think it's because I think that either if I'm dating someone, I can change them. Or I think that they'll change. And they'll see what they did wrong to me after they apologized. But usually it's not like that. They don't? No.
Speaker #0
Is that you're talking about like friendships or relationships with guys or both?
Speaker #1
Both.
Speaker #0
Really?
Speaker #1
Yeah, both. Definitely. Huh. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Is that, do you think, how you were raised? Is that why?
Speaker #1
Yeah, I think it's because I've always seen good in people. And I always give the people the benefit of the doubt when I first meet them. Like, I'm just going to be super nice and open and honest. And hopefully I get the same energy. And sometimes I don't. And sometimes I won't even do anything wrong. And it'll just be my first impression. And then like some of the girls on the show, they have never really wanted to hang out with me. Or when we were like in like the reunion shows, like with Dr. Drew, like they never really said hi to me unless we were on stage together. And other than that, outside of that, they would text each other, but we wouldn't text. So it was a lot of like mean girl energy, high school energy. And I just like, I don't know. I'm just not like that.
Speaker #0
Why do you, I mean, when I hear that, I'm making the assumption of perceiving you as a threat.
Speaker #1
I don't think I'm a threat. I think I'm just very opinionated. And I think it's all about their reputations, honestly, too. Because it's like, you know, with Farrah, a lot of the girls don't associate with her just because of her reputation. When really it's been years since then and they should drop it and let it go. And I'm the same way. But most of the other girls are like, no, they still have a bad reputation. I don't want nothing to do with that.
Speaker #0
Petty.
Speaker #1
Yeah, it is. It is because I'm all open arms and I'm not as bad as people think.
Speaker #0
Why is it that people think that way about you?
Speaker #1
I think because the way the show was edited, it was highly edited. And a lot of the scenes that was put in was me and my mom arguing. or me having an attitude with my mom. So I think a lot of people, they were like, if I meet her for the first time, she's probably going to be mean, or she's probably that way all the time. When really they would come down every other weekend, maybe once, twice a month to film. And it would be like, just for the weekend, that's it. And they would do that for about four or five months and then cram that into a season. So really you don't, it's not like Jersey Shore where there's cameras all the time. You're not going to be able to really see a person's true personality if you don't got a camera on them all the time like them. I feel like you can get an understanding of the Jersey Shore cast personalities, but you can't understand the teen moms because it's just so edited. And for them, it's like kind of raw and organic and genuine, I feel like.
Speaker #0
Were producers ever like say like you and your mom, were they ever like goading you on to like?
Speaker #1
foster a fight or an argument whether with your mom or other you know other teen moms on the show well when we're separate say that me and my mom said they okay say they went to my mom's house first and they went there without me they would say hey you should talk about how you don't like janelle and her husband being together and then she would talk about it give her opinion which would be bad then they'd come to me and be like hey we heard your mom said this you want to talk to your husband about it. So then it would be me talking about my mom badly and then back to back my mom talking badly about me. So then we would both get mad at each other after that aired because we both didn't know we filmed that. And then certain things that my son would hear, my 15-year-old son now, but when he was younger, he would hear my mom say a lot of bad things. And then he would repeat it on the show. And then everyone's like, oh, this is how he really feels. And I'm like, no, he's a five-year-old hearing all these bad things. Then he gets a camera in front of him and he's like, oh, I'm going to repeat everything she says, like kind of for show. And it was just, it was hard growing up like that because my mom also had custody for a while. So when she had custody for a while, then it was like, I'm trying to control the situation with Jason, the cameras and trying to talk to my producers and say, hey, we should do this and we should do that and suggest positive things. But they were like, no, we got. We got a plan already that we're sticking to.
Speaker #0
Were you always kind of just put a wall? Did the producers always put a wall up whenever you tried to? take things in a positive direction?
Speaker #1
Yeah, they would. Because not only with me, but like even the other girls, like we've suggested really good things like, hey, we should all get involved and like go to a charity together for like unplanned pregnancy or, you know, pregnancy prevention, you know, for teens. And like, we just never use our spotlight in that way, which that's what it should have been used for.
Speaker #0
Best pregnancy prevention is just show them somebody else's kid.
Speaker #1
Yeah, yeah, that too.
Speaker #0
She has birth control in the goddamn world.
Speaker #1
I know, all the time.
Speaker #0
Give him a shitty kid screaming at Target. Yeah. Screaming at Target.
Speaker #1
Exactly.
Speaker #0
And then you'll be just fine. You'll never want to have kids ever, ever again.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Do you think it was the MTV producers trying to sensationalize things to say, well, no, we need this, you know, this flammable environment?
Speaker #1
Yeah, I think so. I think they needed a villain. Just like, you know, I was on Teen Mom 1, but then there's, I mean, I was on Teen Mom 2. But there was Teen Mom OG as well. And then there's Amber on there. And I think they had her as the villain, which she's done. She's done way worse and more questionable things than me. But at the same time, I don't think that I was deserve that treatment because of the person I became today. And then even even now, like I filmed last summer with them and that was my most recent. And it was only for like two months. And then they decided they didn't want me anymore, which is fine. I'm fine with that. I'm doing my own thing anyways. But it goes to show that if you don't have enough drama in your life, that they don't want anything to do with you.
Speaker #0
Brittany went to Young for Life Wellness and is now sabotaging my entire Tired Dad brand. Totally disrespectful.
Speaker #2
We could help you upgrade that brand.
Speaker #0
That's fine. But I'm drawing the line at Kale.
Speaker #2
Fine.
Speaker #0
I'll play devil's advocate. I get that. Like they need some sizzle to the steak. But also it's like, why not talk about the positive part? Because I mean, my God, what's the teen pregnancy rate? There's a lot of girls out there.
Speaker #1
There is.
Speaker #0
Unwed, 15, 16 years old, getting pregnant.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
And how about some positive role models? If you had the chance to do more of a positive thing, what type of message? would you want to put out? What type of soapbox would you be on to talk to somebody that, I've never said this before in my entire life, I'm 55 years old. If I was a pregnant 16-year-old girl, and the guy was maybe there a little bit, my parents, we're still trying to figure ourselves out because the whole thing. What kind of advice would you give to me?
Speaker #1
I would say, learn your independence now. And learn you can't rely on anybody but yourself and that your parents aren't there to be your crutch. And you got to force yourself to grow up, whether it's with him or without him. And you got to be strong enough to do that. And it's hard.
Speaker #0
That's having that strength.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
My friend is like, oh, my God. Like you're you'll show at that. Again, I have my stepdaughter, 16. My daughter is 15. The hormones going on, the body changes that are going on. It's like a lot. So add all that and you've got a baby baking inside of you and you're still trying to figure out relationship with your parents. And how much of it do you think the parents or the role the parents played in their kids, the teen moms, you included, coming out as either I'm good or man, I'm like an untethered sail. I just don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker #1
I think that. I think at first, maybe, maybe initially, like your parents can show you a little bit of pointers here and there when the baby is first born. But I think ultimately the parents should step back and let them learn it because I feel like my mom was too involved where she pushed me out kind of. And it was like, instead of me learning things on my own, she didn't want, she wanted to be the one to do everything. And I feel like I wasn't really given that opportunity until. My younger son, Kaiser, was born.
Speaker #0
Can you give me an example of how she tried to push?
Speaker #1
So the first few days he came home, I was making a bottle, and she told me I wasn't doing it the right way. So then I did it the right way after that, and it still wasn't good enough. I would put certain outfits on him, and she'd be like, no, he doesn't look good in that. I'm changing it, and change his whole outfit. And I'm like, is this even my baby? Yeah. So, and then when I was trying to figure out his sleep schedule, she would try to tell me what's better in her way versus my way. So it was a lot of parent, like parenting styles, I think clashing.
Speaker #0
Was that stuff that the, was that stuff on film? Did the producers pick up on that?
Speaker #1
Yes, some of it was on film, like when she changed his clothes.
Speaker #0
She claims on camera that I didn't make bottles, but I did. So it's like they used her audio saying I never made bottles, but I was making bottles. And I was trying everything I could to teach myself as a new mom. But in her eyes, she just still, I guess, looked at me as her child and thought that I wasn't old enough, which I understand. But that's why you got to let your child, like, just find their independence.
Speaker #1
Let your kids fail, man.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Let your kids fail.
Speaker #0
You can't baby them too much. You can't hold their hand during everything. Thank you. Yes.
Speaker #1
You just can't. And now it's, I think it's generation Y, Z, whatever it is. The kids now that are like 15 to like 25, whatever that age range is, getting fired from their first job in droves because they're not showing up on time.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And they don't take constructive criticism well. They take it too personally.
Speaker #0
Yeah. They're very sensitive.
Speaker #1
And they're being offended.
Speaker #0
Very.
Speaker #1
Shut the fuck up. You're an In-N-Out burger. Mash the goddamn potato and make fucking fries, dude.
Speaker #0
You get. The number one rule in any customer service is be nice to the customer. No matter how rude they are, you still got to be nice to them. But I feel like this younger generation, they talk back and they argue back and they yell back. And it's just like.
Speaker #1
I'm Gen X. And so I parent my kids. Like I told everybody when I was a kid, I spent 60% of my life from age 8 to 13 in the car.
Speaker #0
Oh, definitely. Go sit in the car.
Speaker #1
Go sit in the car. Yep. You know, Jeffrey, and this is ADHD, so I'm blurting stuff out. This is before there was any type of help or even therapy for that kind of stuff. Go sit in the car. So I don't do that with my kids, but I'll talk to them. Like, I have no, like, now they're older, but like, if my kid was misbehaving as a baby, they get a smack in the ass.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And I more than once would be like at Target or at Albertsons, whatever. It's what, look at me. I'm like, what's your fucking problem?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
This is my kid.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And this is how I raise my kids. And now. They're great. And I'm open about the way I've raised my kids compared to the helicopter parents.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
They're doing everything for their kids. You compare my kids to them in another five to six years. They're in the job market. My kid's going to eat that kid's fucking lunch.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And won't be going to the manager saying, oh, can you help me with this? My kids are growth mindset.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Figure it. I say figure it out more than I love you to my kids. And I love my kids. Yeah. But it's like. Figure it the hell out.
Speaker #0
Yeah, exactly. You can't like, and there's Google. If anything, Google it. Like, yeah.
Speaker #1
A question about Jace. At one point, you made the tough call to have Jace stay with his dad to focus on his health. How did you arrive at that choice? And how's he doing now?
Speaker #0
So Jace, you know, he's diagnosed with mental, two mental health disorders, ADHD and ODD, which is oppositional defiant disorder. And it comes along with ADHD. day. And I've been dealing with that with Jay since he's been 10 years old and so has my mom. And what a lot of people don't realize is they think that it was just one instance at my house and then I shipped him off to his dad's. When really there's so much stuff that's been happening for so many years and I don't go into detail for his privacy.
Speaker #1
Sure.
Speaker #0
But there's a lot of physical things that happened and, you know. My mom, I mean, he's five, three, I'm five feet. First of all, I can't buck up to my son. I can't do nothing to my son. I'm not going to. Um, he's, he's almost a grown man to me, which is crazy to say. Um, so, you know, I don't do anything, but he just, he needed his dad and his dad hasn't been involved in his life since he's been a baby. So it was time. And, um, everyone's like, why did you send him to a stranger? But that's his dad. Like that's his other side of his family. And they've actually been keeping in contact and visiting with each other the past two years.
Speaker #1
That's great.
Speaker #0
Yeah. That's great. So they've been reconnecting. Yeah, and they've been texting each other. And I know, and I've been monitoring everything. And his family says that his dad was an alcoholic, but his family says that his dad is sober now. And that was years ago when I was like 16. So they're doing great. I mean, ever since I sent him there, they sent me pictures of them fishing. They've been, he's in Florida. So they went out on the beach. They eat at the pier. Like they do so many good things and they're not posting about it, which is great. Because I told his dad, I said, he needs privacy right now. And he doesn't even, my son doesn't even like to post. So he tries to keep his life as private as possible. And I explained that to his dad.
Speaker #1
Were you the one that reached out to his dad?
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
Of course you were.
Speaker #0
Yes. because you want to fix the situation yes and i was just kind of i was kind of like you know i'm here in vegas i have three kids um if my oldest is being so bad that it's not a good situation for my younger two kids I can't have everyone here in the same household. And again, walking on eggshells a lot around my son. So like I wanted to protect my two younger kids and I also need all kids to be in a good situation. So before, you know, I looked into anywhere to send him, which I have looked in the past for like boys homes and stuff. But that's another thing I want to bring up is a lot of parents. They're asking me, how are you dealing with this? because I don't know what to do with my kids because my kids are diagnosed with the same thing and they feel like they're losing their minds. And when they go to their state for help, they're like, well, you can send them to this place, but there's a waiting list. And then the waiting list will have like 100 people and you need a spot right then and there. So then you go look at private stuff and it's like $30,000 a month, $1,000 a day or more. I mean, that's the cheapest one I found. So a lot of people are like, why didn't you send him there before his dad's? And I don't have the money and the state, they have a long waiting list on places. So he's been in therapy since he's been a child. He's seen psychiatrists. Like, I mean, we've tried everything. So our hands were completely tied. And my mom's enjoying her peace right now, not having any kids to raise. So she's like, if you can, you can send him here. I was like, no. No. I was like, he left there. from a bad situation. It's just going to happen again. So I'm like, let's just send him to his dad's. And yeah, they're doing great so far. So we'll see. But
Speaker #1
I co-parent with my kid's mom. We co-parent well.
Speaker #0
That's good.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Let's talk about that a little bit. It's hard, dude. It's hard because again, when I was married for 13 years and when we split up, it was, I mean, no divorces are good. It was bad. And so, but we always said, we're putting the kids first.
Speaker #0
Definitely.
Speaker #1
We're putting our kids first. And so this is how we're going to co-parent in terms of visitation and paying for stuff. And it's never been a problem. How have you two been with co-parenting with the kids?
Speaker #0
Me and his father? Chase,
Speaker #1
yeah.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Each of my kids have different dads. So, sounds funny.
Speaker #1
Even better question then. But again, same question. Still is because, again, you're always putting your kids first. So it's that dynamic with the child's dad.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
And whether it's different for each kid. Okay.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
But how do you navigate those waters?
Speaker #0
Well, with Jace, his dad wasn't really involved, him growing up, and now he is. So they kind of just do their own thing, and I just monitor it so it's easier. That's awesome. But with my younger son, Kaiser, everybody knows his dad was just recently arrested. So... he can't see his dad or talk to his dad right now. And he is an alcoholic. So he has a whole different issue and he's trying to get his life together. He hasn't seen my son in like two years.
Speaker #1
Let's, let's double click on that for a second because he lives in Vegas. Okay. Cause it's, and the reason why is isn't for, I don't care about the content part of it. I care more about, it's a great learning opportunity for your child.
Speaker #0
Oh, definitely.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
definitely so how do you approach it that way yeah that's why i've just been ever since he's been in jail which has been about a month now i've been deciding like which we we don't know if he's going to get out in two weeks or we don't know if he's going to be there and serve his sentence for a year or two we have no idea what's going to go on but i'm still in my head and going back and forth like do i bring my son he's 10 do i bring him to the jail to visit his dad Or is that too much for him right now as a kid? And would that traumatize him? Because he's very sensitive about his dad and he loves his dad so much. So I'm like, would that hurt him to see him locked up more that it would help him to have a conversation with him? What's your gut tell you? I'm back and forth about it. And his dad hasn't reached out to us to talk to him since he's been in jail. I mean, he's reached out one time to ask me if I can go get his dog. But other than that, he has not tried to talk to my son. So it's pretty sad, but I'm trying to protect my son's feelings at all costs.
Speaker #1
I think you've answered the question.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
But again, we're here on this earth for a microsecond of time when it comes down to it. And as parents, it's our job to leave a legacy.
Speaker #0
Definitely.
Speaker #1
The definition of a legacy is really it ends when people stop talking about you. And you can have a lot of money and put your name on a fucking building and all that, which I think is horseshit. Sorry, high net worth people, but fuck off. It's better to do things that make your kids.
Speaker #0
emulate your good qualities definitely right definitely and that's why i don't i like it's it's kind of like a learning lesson seeing his dad in jail but at the same time it's like i don't even want him to see that or experience it maybe not just want his mind to be in the positive positive state of mind that he's in because he's doing really good in school that's another thing that's great he could be doing bad in school because of the situation his dad's going through But really, he's doing a good job. Good job separating the two and staying focused on what he needs to get done.
Speaker #1
Do you do your homework with your kids? Help them with their homework?
Speaker #0
Yeah. I try, but like the new math they do.
Speaker #1
Don't even get me started.
Speaker #0
They're trying to teach them like different way of multiplying and dividing and like put it in boxes and stuff. And I'm like.
Speaker #1
Don't even get me started.
Speaker #0
I'm like, let me teach you. And then my daughter's like, that's not how we learn it. I said, this is better. I promise you.
Speaker #1
My son's in third grade. And he, luckily, my stepdaughter is very smart and my wife's a nurse. So she knows like nurse math. And ever, my son usually will have math homework. I'm like, honey, I love you with the heat of a thousand suns, but don't give me your math. I can't, I'm a grown man. I can't do third grade math. I can't do it either. The way they want you to do it now is ridiculous.
Speaker #0
I know. I'm just like, I'm the old fashioned way. Like,
Speaker #1
carry the one.
Speaker #0
exactly right exactly and i'm like and now i'm trying to teach my daughter like you know she was trying to do like three times eight and she was doing it with like bag of goldfish you know three bags like eight in each bag yeah and then she's like i just and then at below it i see a you know a table and they have it all split up and like different numbers and like just stop it in different ways and i'm like ensley i'm like if you just draw the picture like you were thinking and just bag it up. I was like, it's way easier. And then I told her, I was like, it's just eight three times. And she's like, oh. I was like, yeah, it's eight plus eight plus eight. And she's like, oh, and it clicked. And it's like, I don't know how they're teaching them.
Speaker #1
So three children, what is the biggest win you can fly your flag for, for each one of your kids?
Speaker #0
I'll say with Ensley, she's just very smart, outgoing. She's very sweet. She's very sweet to everybody. So I definitely think she got that from me because everyone's like, she's like the sweetest little girl. Southern charm. Yes. Kaiser, he's super funny. He's unfiltered. And he loves me. Just like he's mama's boy. So he's just like, he's all about me. And he's very smart. And he does anything for his family. And very loyal. And then my son, Jace, he's very smart. He's very handy. he um he He likes to solve problems and puzzles. He likes to work on his dirt bike and four-wheeler. And he was redoing all his gears on his e-bike. And I'm like, what are you doing? So yeah, he's like a problem solver.
Speaker #1
That's fantastic.
Speaker #0
Which sounds like me.
Speaker #1
It's cool. And it's nice to think about those things. And when you're having a bad day and when your kid's being a poop,
Speaker #0
which they they will do that oh definitely you know what you have great wins with your kids consistently you can fall back on definitely that far outweigh the naughtiness exactly you know or and then like if you look at social media i mean i don't know about other parents but you know my younger two kids they don't have they don't have phones they don't social media so for them it's like when i look at bad comments and if i get in a bad mood they're in a happy mood and i'm like Look how happy they are because they're not online reading comments right now. They're just being kids. And I'm like, I learned from them because I'm like, all right, time to put down the phone. Don't look at it.
Speaker #1
How old should a child be or how old will your kids be when they'll get a phone?
Speaker #0
I think 12 or 13. And that's only because I still think that's young, but that's only because they start going places by themselves or with their friends or, you know, to the park by themselves. And it's like, I need to know.
Speaker #1
where you're at at all times my my um my my son does not have a phone but he asked me all the time and he's nine and if i got my daughter too if i get one of those like senior citizen jitterbug phones like a flip phone with like the giant numbers on it and all i could do is like make calls and text yeah i'd get him something like that no internet no nothing i don't want him to get like you just want that like bubble around your kid no i get it you know yeah because it's like it
Speaker #0
the internet's so unfiltered and there's so much out there that, and I think that's another reason why like my son, Jace, like just doesn't want to be online right now. And a lot of people are like, Oh, there's something wrong with that. Oh, he's, are you checking on him? And I'm like, no, he just, he's fishing actually.
Speaker #1
It is. healthy, to be as unplugged for as long as possible. Because once you go down that road, you're really not going to take it back.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
You know.
Speaker #0
And you're going to notice that you've been in bed for like five hours and haven't got out. And you're like, I just don't want to do anything.
Speaker #1
TikTok's told you three times you've been scrolling for too long. That too. Get up, you lazy ass. What's wrong with you? That too. I'm like, Jesus.
Speaker #0
I'm like brushing my teeth. Yes.
Speaker #1
i'm like wait i'm like what am i doing right now it's the word oh man you know you've got a problem when the app itself is sending you a you know you need to take a break hey how you doing it's time for you to probably take a break right now and you i'm gonna keep talking about i need more puppy videos i'm like this is better than uh netflix the the one thing that i do my wife and i send each other like usually inappropriate memes like all the time. Yeah. which to me is like the best love. That's my love language is memes and just sending stuff. That's either. It's not politically correct. It's, it's hilarious or it's puppies.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And you know, or animals because you're an animal person. We have a dog and a cat. So it's just like the whole thing. There's, there's a good part of the internet and then there's the not good part of the internet.
Speaker #0
Oh, definitely. Right. Yeah.
Speaker #1
Have you had that talk? Like with Jace, have you had that talk with him to say,
Speaker #0
Oh,
Speaker #1
this is, you know, listen, there is.
Speaker #0
this part and there's this part yeah he have he's actually he had a situation back when he was 13 that he thought he was talking to someone and it turned out not to be the part it was a fake person obviously and um when he found that out he was really embarrassed and he's like you know how do i prevent this from happening and i told him i said that is why i told you a long time ago you got to pick and choose who your friends are but you can't just talk to random people online i was like that's going to happen all the time. I was like, especially who you are, everybody is going to be like messaging you all the time. And that's before he had Instagram and he had Snapchat, but Snapchat was like, Snapchat's bad. And especially because, you know, I have cop friends that say that like once things disappear, they're gone. Like even if they go search the phone, if a crime happens, they still can't pull up old messages, which is. really unsafe to hear. And I feel like Snapchat should at least have some encryption.
Speaker #1
That's crazy. I didn't know that.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I didn't know that either. I was like, you can't pull anything. They're like, no.
Speaker #1
My daughter's on Snapchat. I don't think she is, but.
Speaker #0
Yeah. But there is a thing called Bark Phone. Have you heard of it?
Speaker #1
Oh, what's that?
Speaker #0
It is. It's wonderful. It is a phone that they send to you and I've had it for my son before he got an iPhone. And it will take screenshots of anything on Snapchat that's inappropriate or you think. That is dangerous for them. And if they're like bark.
Speaker #1
Bark. Bark. Like dog.
Speaker #0
Yes. And they also have an app that you can download onto any phone and it will monitor the whole thing. It has firewalls and everything. Yeah. It took screenshots of his Snapchat messages and would send it to me. And he's like, how are you getting my Snapchat messages? Like even pictures. Yeah.
Speaker #1
Does he have a job?
Speaker #0
Not currently, no.
Speaker #1
And it's like, dude, until you get a job. You're paying for that fucking phone.
Speaker #0
I know.
Speaker #1
It's my world you're playing in.
Speaker #0
I know.
Speaker #1
It's my world.
Speaker #0
Exactly.
Speaker #1
And I just, I see it. And again, it's you parent any way you want to parent. I think you're great, by the way. You're great. Thank you. You're welcome. You are. I appreciate it. You're awesome. Thanks. And it's what drives me nuts as an old school parent is when I'll be out with my kids. There's no electronics at the table.
Speaker #0
Oh, yeah. No, I don't. I don't do that either. Right. I tell them they have to keep in the car.
Speaker #1
I don't want to see it yep It's not that important. You're not that important.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm like, we need to, we all need to talk.
Speaker #1
I was raised in upstate New York by Catholic Italians. Like you break bread. We eat and that's how we get to bond and get to.
Speaker #0
I'm originally from Pennsylvania. So I get it.
Speaker #1
You know it. Right.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And I go out to restaurants and my kids will see it now that you'll see the parents on their phones.
Speaker #0
Oh, and the kids.
Speaker #1
The kids. iPads.
Speaker #0
They're this close.
Speaker #1
And they're watching, you know, Nickelodeon or YouTube videos, whatever. No social interaction. God damn, iPad is right here and there's no social interaction whatsoever. And you're wondering why, fast forward a few years, these kids can't keep a job.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
There's no socialization skills whatsoever, right?
Speaker #0
Exactly. And that's why I think it's important for me. Like, I tell my kids, I'm like, all right, on the weekends, I'm like, put your iPad down. We're going hiking. I'm like, or we're going swimming. Or we're doing something like even the trampoline park. I don't care as long as you're not looking at a TV screen. So, yeah, I definitely like I think it's very important for especially kids like I think under the age of seven, I would say not to have any iPads or tablets because it's like you should be interacting with them.
Speaker #1
My son. He's a redhead with blue eyes. He's just a sweet boy. He's just, he's kind.
Speaker #0
That's cute.
Speaker #1
He's got a little temper.
Speaker #0
Oh, okay.
Speaker #1
He's a fiery redhead.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
So he was playing a video game on his iPad. This is months ago. He broke the iPad. Yeah. He tried to like break it in half. Yeah. And his mom told me, I was like, well, fuck that.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And he said to me, well, we have insurance. I go, no, no, I have insurance. You have nothing.
Speaker #0
Don't do it.
Speaker #1
I go, honey, I love you so much.
Speaker #0
Just replace it.
Speaker #1
and so What we ended up doing is we turned, again, learning lesson. I said, honey, we're done with the iPad. We're done. But you could start. He's with us two or three days every single week. I go, you can go pick up cookies, poop in the backyard. Every single week, you'll get five bucks. You can go get the mail for us. You'll get a buck. And we'll start saving your money. And then when you're ready, if I think you're ready and your mom thinks so, then we'll get another iPad.
Speaker #0
Yep, exactly.
Speaker #1
but it like The kids just, there's no sense of consequences.
Speaker #0
Exactly. Right? Exactly. Yeah. And that's why if I see, if I hear my kids getting an attitude on the mic or any, like, even my son's like, well, they're getting an attitude with me. I'm like, I don't care. I'm like, you have to control yourself. Like, you have to do that no matter how mad someone makes you. I said, even in public, I said, how? And I always say to him, how do you think? How mad do you think people make me online? And do you see me always lashing out? So you can't reply back to everyone. And again, you'll be in bed depressed all day.
Speaker #1
Well, it's, again, I'm just thinking about the mountain you've overcome in terms of perception.
Speaker #0
Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker #1
You're welcome. Yeah. And I'm not blowing smoke up your skirt. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. You're a good person. Yeah.
Speaker #0
Thanks.
Speaker #1
Yeah, you're welcome. And it's that, but that's a battle you're going to fight all the time. but you have that tortoise shell on your back you know you have that armor that if you've got to throw that on if you gotta you know you gotta channel your inner iron man you can do that definitely right definitely i've done it many times before and i i think i i think honey that it's something that your kids see that yeah
Speaker #0
they definitely do yeah and i'm also powerful i'm always strict with them not too strict but very stern with them and i always i don't cross the border of like being too like too much of a friend to them because i know a lot of parents a lot of younger parents they do that and it's like then their kids are sitting there joking and kidding around with them but then they never take you seriously you're not your kids friends exactly parents are not your kids you're you're not besties yeah you're not fucking besties no
Speaker #1
you're you're there to make them a better version of you yeah you're there to impart wisdom upon them of mistakes that you've made definitely If you do it over again, this is how you would do it differently.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
You know, I frequently say to my kids, how am I doing as your dad? And my son's like, you're the best dad ever. I'm like, thank you, honey. But that's like giving a, you know, five out of five review for Google reviews. I'd rather have three stars instead of five stars.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And tell me like, well, this or this. My daughter will tell me if I'm screwing up on stuff. Love that. Love, love, love, love. Be real with me.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Right.
Speaker #0
Definitely. Definitely. No. And I'm like that to my kids too. And I always teach them, like, be honest. Be very honest with me. Be very honest with everybody. I said, but don't like, my son Kaiser, he's a little bit too honest sometimes. I'm like, well, don't like try to hurt people's feelings.
Speaker #1
Well, know the room.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
But I'd rather a kid goes overboard than hides it and doesn't say anything.
Speaker #0
And pushes it down. And bottles it up. And bottles it up. And explodes.
Speaker #1
Because then that's just destruction. Then you're just like, it's awful for the kid and for everybody around them and the whole thing.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And all of a sudden you're like, whoa, how do we get to this point? And they're like, well, there was A, B, C, and D that led up to E. And it's like, I didn't know any of that was happening.
Speaker #1
Okay. Last topic. Are you dating?
Speaker #0
I am on dating apps, but I'm still single.
Speaker #1
Okay. Because I was, I've just, I'm married now for a couple of years, but when I was single, I was on dating. Vegas is tough to date, man.
Speaker #0
It is. Right? And a lot of people, it's hard to read them because you're like, are you telling the truth? And I don't know. I feel like a lot of guys here are very egotistical. And it's like they are just like, I don't know. It's hard to read them. But I want a guy that's financially stable. He can be a dad or doesn't have to be a dad, but just treats me right, accepts that I have kids. and Yeah, I just think we have to, like, align together, you know.
Speaker #1
Do you have any dating horror stories from being in Vegas?
Speaker #0
I've only been on two dates since I've been here. The first one went great. He opened the door for me.
Speaker #1
Oh, I love that.
Speaker #0
Yeah, he opened the door for me. He wanted to like pull out my chair and scoop me in. He did everything. He was a gentleman. He didn't drink. I had two drinks. He paid for it. I didn't have to pay, which is a big thing because in the past, like I paid for everybody. But the second date I went on, you know, the first one was like very formal and I loved it. I was like, wow, this is like back in like, you know, when guys really took it seriously, you know. great and then I went on this second date recently and he's like oh let's meet at a bar and then we met at a bar and then it was kind of like it was kind of like we were friends more than on a date yeah and I was like he never wanted to go on dinners after that he just oh let's just we can hang out at my house if you want and I was like I don't want to be doing that all the time and then he didn't want he he didn't really seem open to someone having kids and never really like ask questions about them how's their personality and that says a lot to me it's like you're just interested in me and only me but you don't care about my kids so i cut them off on behalf of all men around the planet i apologize no
Speaker #1
thank you no i know all men aren't like because it's well it's i'll tell you my the hack that we're not way older than you but the hack that worked for me bumble travel mode oh done done that's crazy i was for six months my mom was really sick in tampa so i was every other weekend no kids flying out to tampa to take care of my mom yeah and which was i mean it's awful but i was doing it i was either with her or all of her friends that are all 70 80 90 years old which are all wonderful people but it was like a golden girls rerun every single time yeah loved it but i you know wanted some socialization so i started to do i found out that there's travel mode in bumble As soon as I was wheels down at Tampa airport, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, because it was fresh meat. Because, you know, like when you want dating apps, you kind of date everybody that you see there. You're like, forget it.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And went on a few dates, ended up meeting my now wife after the first date. I'm like, I don't want to be with anybody else. And we had long distance for a year and a half and manifested and I moved her. Thank you. I moved her, her dog, her cat, her sister, or her daughter out here last summer.
Speaker #0
Because either long distance works or doesn't work.
Speaker #1
it's
Speaker #0
You have to have the same two people that I can just work with.
Speaker #1
The reason why I'm raging ADHD, and so is she. She's nuts. I love her, but you're fucking nuts, Brandy. And so what got me is she would always send me these memes, and it was either like very romantic or hilarious. Okay. And they were like little Hallmark cards to me. But she was taking, no one ever did that to me before.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
She was taking the time out of her busy day to say, hey, I care about you. this made me laugh or this is naughty. And so I wanted to share it with you. And I'm like,
Speaker #0
thank you and see and that's another thing i've had i've had people well the first the first guy i went on a date with he was very you know a very big talker very big texter with texts like paragraphs to me and he actually still does it now and i just i don't respond and it's like the good guys you don't respond to i don't know why that is but um then this other guy that i just went on a date with, he hardly communicates, doesn't really text. when he texts, he acts like a friend. I'm like, that's weird. So now I've just been kind of like focusing on the kids because I am on like the Bumble subscription. So it tells me who likes me. So when I sign on, it'll say like 2000 people likes you. And then it just keeps adding more every day. So I'm like, whoa, this is too many guys to look at right now. And I'm kind of overwhelmed with the first two dates. So I'm just like, you know, I was married while I was with my ex-husband for nine years. And we were married for seven years. So for me, it's like, I don't need to jump into it. You know what I mean? I can take my time. And I think actually going on dates is new for me because before when I dated guys, it was just like new through a friend or because of a party or like same friend group or whatever. And now it's like, this is all new for me.
Speaker #1
Do you cook? Are you a cooker? Yes. Are you a good cook?
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
Like, what do you love to cook? What's your go-to meal you love to cook? um i love to grill so anything on the grill guys yeah she likes to grill when she's single yeah and my kids love it too we grill my backyard by my pool so if and ever we just bought one of those traeger it's like a smoker okay i had one in nc but now i bought uh the pit boss how
Speaker #0
is it i love it i bought those are forget it it's so easy right because girls don't think they can gorilla and I'm like you just throw wood in there And you set the temperature and hit start. That's it. Walk away. It's just like an oven.
Speaker #1
My wife does chicken wings with the Traeger. And it's like, I get goosebumps, man. It's like bananas.
Speaker #0
They're so good.
Speaker #1
But she does. But that's another thing. I guess it's just, it's hard to date now.
Speaker #0
It is.
Speaker #1
Because we're, it's, especially in Vegas.
Speaker #0
And you have kids already.
Speaker #1
You have kids. It's, I mean, I have another one of my friends, Chris Chansky, and Chris will see this. And she runs Range 702. the machine gun range and she's awesome she's gorgeous she's funny she's a single mom but she's like i'm done and we i have a clip i posted and she's like i would go on dates with these guys these guys would contact me through dating apps and they'd go well i've got a suite and she's like that's annoying bitch i live in vegas yeah exactly i've been to all those rooms i know what those you know the number one thing i asked someone
Speaker #0
But like, as soon as they start messaging me, I'm like, are you local or visiting? And if they say visiting, cut them off.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Yeah. That's my number one question. Because I'm not like, some guys will be like, oh, I'm in town this weekend. But I mean, we can still hang. And I'm like, no, because I know you're just looking for a hookup. That's all it is. Yeah.
Speaker #1
Do the guys know you from TV?
Speaker #0
Not the guys I went on a date with. Good. uh about two guys have noticed me on the dating apps and said are you janelle or someone messaged me and said someone's impersonating you and i was like that's me i actually got shut down on tinder um like back before i got married because they thought i was impersonating someone no yeah they deleted my account no it's so weird it's before they had like the verification process so yeah and then I had to like go back and make my profile all over again
Speaker #1
yeah do you travel i do sometimes depending on if i have to go to events or whatever but travel mode no i've never done that before i'll do it that's what i i literally i mean i was then i was 51 50 older but i was like dating age-appropriate women like so 40s like 42 and up yeah let's roll yeah but it was either yes i was into it and they weren't or vice versa and so i was like i'm done here I'm done. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, you know, I'm going to Tampa twice a month. Why don't I just find somebody there? Maybe let's go out for drinks.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And have a nice conversation. Exactly. It was, and I never, I've talked to other like women that are dating for a guy not to pay.
Speaker #0
Oh, well, the guys that went on dates, they did. But my exes didn't, never paid for anything. Yeah.
Speaker #1
Why?
Speaker #0
Yeah. That was one of the reasons why, you know, I got a divorce because. I was taking care of the bills. I was taking care of the house. It came down to a point in 2019 when MTV, they wanted to take a break with me and they let me go for that season. It was because of my ex-husband's actions because they were so bad. They were like, if you're still married to him, we want nothing to do with you, basically. So when that happened, I was panicking. What am I going to do next for a job? What's my future going to look like? I had no idea what I was going to do. And I was panicking.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
So, you know, as a husband, you would think I'm going to take over. I'm going to take care of this family. She's been doing it since day one. Let me take over. He didn't pay one bill. Our mortgage got three months behind and it almost got foreclosed. And nobody knows that. Almost got foreclosed. And because of me and making a YouTube series that I did, which was a YouTube series about a CPS documentary that I put together. And it was like 10 episodes. And it was the truth about what happened with me and CPS. And, you know, ultimately it got dropped. But, you know, to explain everything that happened, I did that. And I pulled myself out of the hole and paid back my mortgage and pulled ourselves out of that hole. And it's just crazy because I kept my eye on him ever since then. And I was like, if you're not going to make any changes for your family to save them, to save the house, you're not even willing to do that. And that spoke volumes to me. And not only that, but like his attitude and the way he treated the kids, that was like a whole another reason why, you know, I was divorcing him.
Speaker #1
I just can't. Again, I'm old school. I'm very traditional that way. I'm like, my wife hasn't touched a door, a door handle or doorknob. No, that's great. In a while. But also, like, she's from northern Georgia. She's from Appalachia. Like, she has a deep southern accent, which drives me crazy. I love it. But it's like, no, like women, like, you open the door for them. You pay for things. Yeah. It's like that's how it should be done.
Speaker #0
Exactly.
Speaker #1
And I hear all the time that like going Dutch, like you split the bill. Split the fucking bill. Exactly.
Speaker #0
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker #1
What? For all the time a woman has to put in for clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, all the things, you got to go through your checklist of getting ready or a guy just fucking gets in the shower, puts some antiperspirant on and throws something on and goes.
Speaker #0
And I was going to say, before I even get myself ready. I'm literally in my pajamas getting my kids ready. And I go out the door and drop them off in my pajamas and I'm still not ready. And I have to come back home and get myself ready. So that's like a whole nother dynamic when you have kids as well. And then it's like towards the end of my marriage, he was like, what do I do? Can we go to counseling? I said, I've asked you to go to counseling many times. Now it's the last straw and you want to go to counseling. I'm not doing it. I'm like, you can contact me once you're gone if you want to go to counseling. And he tried to be nice to me for like the first week and like tried to be all sweet to me and wanted me back. But he had my BMW and I put a GPS tracker on it. And I was seeing that.
Speaker #1
I love you. I love you so much.
Speaker #0
And I was seeing that he was going to the bar and lying to me about it and staying out till like three or four in the morning with my car. So it was like, you didn't want to change your drinking habits. You didn't want to get help for your anger. You didn't want to save your family with the house.
Speaker #1
um you didn't want to do anything and then when it came down to it then you got desperate and um was that a fight or was that more of you're like hey you're at the bar this isn't going to work out well right now there's he has pending charges for
Speaker #0
a different case that's involving my 15 year old son don't talk about it it's 100 yeah don't let's not go there yeah yeah well because of that there's a no contact order okay between my son and my ex So I was able to force my ex to leave because I was like, you have to get out. There's no contact order. But at the same time, he left and a week later, he was getting suspicious like, are we over? Are we together? I'm like, you need to come get your stuff. I was like, it's done.
Speaker #1
Okay. Once again, on behalf of all men, I apologize.
Speaker #0
No, it's okay.
Speaker #1
I'm sorry.
Speaker #0
He came and got his stuff.
Speaker #1
All guys are not that bad. Like, oh my God. Yeah.
Speaker #0
And then he came and got his stuff. and Once he got his stuff and he was walking out my door, he was literally crying to me on his knees saying, I can fix this. I can fix this. And I said, it's too late. I said, leave. And then he left. So that was the last time I took him back. And that was the last time I heard from him. But we had a lot of, you know, a lot of people are like, why didn't you leave earlier? And I tried to when I was ready, but we both owned the house. So if I say get out. He can tell me to get out and you can stay. That's the whole thing.
Speaker #1
Cops get called and nobody wins. Yeah,
Speaker #0
you can stay. So this was my way out. having the no contact order.
Speaker #1
Good for you.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
So pro tip with dating, and this is back when I, because I did, and my wife knows this, but I dabbled, I dated some younger girls when I was, cause it's just, that's just kind of a thing you do when you're older. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I equate it to like, when you want to sell your car, you go to CarMax because you're like, wait a minute, my car's worth what? Like it's worth $35,000. I didn't know that. So it's like, you start these girls, like all of a sudden I look a bit younger and they're attractive. So you go out. So pro tip, I would pay for the babysitter.
Speaker #0
Oh, that's nice.
Speaker #1
I would get the Venmo. That's awesome. I'd get the Venmo of the babysitter and say how much. Oh, it's going to be 50 bucks, 100 bucks, whatever. I paid for it.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker #1
Out of respect.
Speaker #0
Every guy should do that. The last date I went on, he wasn't considerate like that on my children. And I was like, I can already read your vibes. Like, you just don't like kids. Out.
Speaker #1
Out.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
I thank you for coming in, by the way.
Speaker #0
Yeah, no problem.
Speaker #1
This has been, I mean, we've gone over an hour. It's been, it's good. And it's just, is there anything else you want to get off your chest that you think the media or public perception has gotten wrong about you?
Speaker #0
Yes. I just want to say that I'm not the little girl that they perceive anymore. And, you know, I am older and I'm closing a chapter of my life that, you know, I'm leaving behind. And opening up a new chapter in my life. And I'm hoping that, you know, I'm throwing this divorce party in New York City on June 12th at Spearmint Rhino. So anyone that wants to come, they can RSVP on their website. But, you know, I think that is going to be like one of the big milestones for me is this party. Because I feel like it's just like getting rid of the old and letting in the new.
Speaker #1
We'll make sure that this drops. I'll push it up and I'll make sure that this drops before the 12th.
Speaker #0
Yeah, before the 12th, which is about three weeks. Oh,
Speaker #1
yeah, yeah.
Speaker #0
Yeah,
Speaker #1
yeah, yeah. We'll make sure this drops before the 12th. Okay. So if people want to come and hang out, I think it's a great idea.
Speaker #0
It's the first meet and greet I'm doing. Really? Yeah, in my life. So, yeah, they've always been asking for it, and I've never really done it until now.
Speaker #1
I love that.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
If you ever have the need to get stuff off your chest, that seat is always open for you.
Speaker #0
Thank you. Okay. I appreciate that.
Speaker #1
No strings attached.
Speaker #0
Yeah, I appreciate that.
Speaker #1
You're welcome. I just think that you deserve to be heard. You're a good person.
Speaker #0
Thank you.
Speaker #1
You're welcome. And I think it's just we get so caught up sometimes in the contrived narrative that other people, i.e., you know, the producers or social media and all that will form this, you know, kind of thought process about how you are.
Speaker #0
Exactly.
Speaker #1
It's not you.
Speaker #0
Yeah. They don't realize that it's not just you in person and one camera in the room. It's like a whole team of 10 people and you and someone else in the room. There's a whole team behind it. And I think a lot of my social media shows more of my personality and where I'm at today. So people can keep up on there.
Speaker #1
You'll be, and we'll drop clips. You'll be tagged on stuff and collabed on all that stuff too. So people will get, it'll just, I just want it. Me personally, I want it. It's the dad in me. I want people to see who you really are.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
not what they think they know when they've seen.
Speaker #0
Definitely. Does that make sense? Definitely, definitely, yeah. And I think for a long time, I was too scared to go on podcasts and stuff because of the public's perception and then like me tying my name to my ex-husband. And now that like, I'm not tied to that anymore. Now I'm just like, I feel like I'm free to talk.
Speaker #1
If you ever want help just as friends, and I'll say this with the cameras on, text me ahead of time to say, hey, I'm gonna do this podcast. What do you think? I will tell you within a nanosecond whether that person is doing it for clout or if they're doing it because they're actually a good person and they're going to give you room to be you, unfiltered, unedited you. Those are the podcasts you want to go on.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
And even, again, there's PR people in the room who I love and adore dearly. it's hard for you if you were to go into a like ABC news or something like that, where it's three to five minutes and that's it. It's hard.
Speaker #0
Yeah, it is. It's hard for you. You're like, did I say the right thing? Right.
Speaker #1
And so for you to go in and like publicize, you know, the party that's coming up, Spiderman, Rhino, New York City, Heyo. And so that's awesome. Like to go in and talk about that. But to get in depth, it's so you can't do that in a three to five minute clip. And that's why podcasting is just gone.
Speaker #0
And I think that's one reasons why like MTV, like they don't know what to do with the show right now because They combined a Teen Mom 1 and Teen Mom 2. So now instead of longer segments, it's like 15 seconds and you're switching girl to girl to girl. And it's like who's who? What's happening? Who am I keeping up with? It's confusing. You don't get those in-depth personal conversations anymore.
Speaker #1
If there's any… Clips or any content that you want put in, what my team will do is when they're building out the short, they're packaging the short form content, the clips. We always like to put in other stuff.
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
So if you're like, hey, put this in. We talked about this. Put this in. And then my guys will do that.
Speaker #0
Okay, cool.
Speaker #1
To help give us another dimension of like, no, she's not full of shit. This really happened.
Speaker #0
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker #1
This is what really is going on. Like her mom with the bottle. Yeah. That really happened.
Speaker #0
Exactly.
Speaker #1
You know, just things like that. But yeah, you have an open seat for here, my dear. Thank you. Anytime you want. Thank you so much.
Speaker #0
Yeah, no problem. I had fun.