68 | Relationship Goals: Balancing Work, Life, and Love and a Christian Couple

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Speaker #0
Is your relationship feeling lost in the shuffle, the responsibilities, the deadlines, packed schedules? Are you feeling left out, not as appreciated, not as important? I know I felt that way. So today's episode, we're going to talk all about how to navigate the different responsibilities as a couple and how you can still make one another feel appreciated and loved in spite of everything else that's going on. Let's get into it right now. Welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are growing in communication together. This is your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. Hey everyone, we are the Turners and we are delighted. So glad you've joined us today, whether you're watching on YouTube or listening on any podcast outlet. We're so appreciative of you.
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
What's going on?
Speaker #1
I know. Happy to be back. We are starting August already.
Speaker #0
It's August already. So much is going on. So much. Like everybody else, there's a lot. Trips and the kids are, what are they, third graders now?
Speaker #1
Yep. Getting ready for the start of school. Getting everything together, organized. Every single thing on the list.
Speaker #0
So there's a lot going on. We had camps this summer. Yep,
Speaker #1
we did.
Speaker #0
Trips this summer. We had to keep them.
Speaker #1
busy yes uh just you know that was fun it is a full-time job it is so lots going on typically school starts in august some people start in july so you might already be in the second day true true you're up north yeah yeah you still got a whole month to go with true yeah but you're probably start prepping getting the back to school list and all that so august is typically busy time filled with schedule changes getting all that organized so that's where we're we're at
Speaker #0
Yeah, typically July is the travel month and then August is the...
Speaker #1
Get back to it,
Speaker #0
right. So we're talking today about how to navigate just all the different things that we face on a day-to-day basis, but still find time... That's right....to make you feel appreciated.
Speaker #1
That's right, because sometimes, you know, when you have a hectic schedule...
Speaker #0
It can be hard, man.
Speaker #1
It can be hard....your relationship might fall down the priority list.
Speaker #0
You know, I've heard this a lot where, you know, your kids come first. I hear that a lot. I hear, you know, everything changes when you had kids. And for us, things have changed. But at the same time, I think there still is this constant. Of course, that constant is God's word. That's right. But the constant is we still put an emphasis and we talk a lot about what is the word I'm looking for? Not prioritize, but you have to intentionally.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
Intent.
Speaker #1
Intent. So we are going to talk through that of why it is important to still prioritize and be intentful with your marriage. So why is there, why are we saying that marriage is so important? Like, where does that even come from? Why are we saying our marriage relationship should be above other things or really matters more? I don't know if we want to say more. but it matters.
Speaker #0
It matters. Right. I know in 2024. Yeah. I mean, no marriage is still good. Right. And you know, the narrative that marriage is just hectic or it's fallen, you know, you got dating shows now and you know, if it doesn't work out, I'll just switch you out for somebody else. Yeah. I'll bring in the replacement. You know, you got three days in the house. I don't like you anymore. Okay. You know, so it's, you know, the narrative for today's generation is, you know, it's just, if you don't, if it's not working for you. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. Just find somebody else. So, you know, marriage is important. Right. And it can be fulfilling. I believe it is fulfilling.
Speaker #1
It is.
Speaker #0
But you've got to do those things that make it fulfilling. And so to prioritize, I've got to do that. If I want to get the fruit out of my marriage, if I want to. If I want to have a sweet watermelon.
Speaker #1
Okay. You know. You got to do stuff to get that, right?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Now, let's talk a little bit about what it actually means. Like, what is prioritizing your spouse look like? And what does it not look like? Because like you mentioned before, some people would say, if you prioritize your marriage or your spouse, maybe you're not prioritizing your kids or your work or things like that. Whereas. we would say you can still prioritize your marriage and still, you know, care about your kids and still work hard at your job and still have a happy, cleaned up, organized home. You know, it's not putting that as the only thing, as the only thing that's important or priority in your life.
Speaker #0
Yeah, you know, you don't just make someone the soul center of your life. Okay. but you involve them in the aspects of your life. So I prioritize you by asking you, what's your feedback on this? What's your feedback on this? Can you help me with this? What's your input of this? I sent this to you. So I'm including you on my daily tasks, my daily chores, my daily responsibilities, whatever's happening in my life. I'm including you on those things and bringing you into... I want to say my world, but also our world, because my world is your world. Yeah,
Speaker #1
we're creating a world together, right? And we also take that time, like you said, be intentional with the time that you do have to show them that you care. Show them ways that you love them, appreciate them. You show their gratitude towards them. That is what we mean by really prioritizing, making those pockets of time really matter.
Speaker #0
Pockets of time. And then, of course, we're not perfect. Every day isn't going to go. according to yours, as a type as you are or as analytical as you are, things are going to happen. So with my work day, I've had a bunch of meetings. I was on the phone all day. You know, you're not freaking out. Like, where are you? Why have you texted me today? Like, I don't get those things from you. And so maybe I went through a day or two days and we haven't really communicated. I'll say, hey, call the babysitter. You know, let's go out. you know we need some time so i'll i want to say make up for it but i'll try to you know say like hey i feel i said although i feel distant from the kids like i've i've been training i've been traveling uh i want to spend some time with you so it's it's being having that awareness that mindset that state of awareness of okay i need to make sure that i'm balancing and i'm I'm with my children. I'm with my spouse. I'm giving the time that she needs. I'm giving the time that he needs. Otherwise, they're going to start falling apart.
Speaker #1
Right. And if it's not at the forefront of your mind, it just naturally, other thing, you're going to be doing other things and it kind of slips from your quote unquote to-do list or, oh yeah, I haven't said anything nice to my husband in the last couple of days because you're not actually thinking about it. You're not prioritizing.
Speaker #0
It happens and it's not intentional. But speaking of to-do lists, one of the things I would challenge you to do is put in your phone, put in your calendar, hey, we're doing this this day. Hey, I'm going to take him here. Or hey, we're going to go out for ice cream here. You know, put things on the calendar. Hey, we're going to have a special time together this particular evening. Put those things in the calendar and then don't deviate from those things. If something pops up, you know, one of the things I am learning, because I am eager to please, I'm a servant's heart that is just ingrained in my DNA. And so sometimes I have said yes and taken on too many things and spread myself too thin. And so one of the things I'm learning and practicing and becoming even more better at is learning the power of saying no, or learning how to, you know, I really don't have to do that. That can't wait till tomorrow. Or I was feeling like today I'm going to get the kids some lunch. Okay. Order them some Play-Doh. I'm going to pick it up. Yep. You know, I'm trying to do all these things. I'm like, wait a minute. I don't have to do that. Hey, Jen, can you pick up this stuff for me on your way home from work? And I'm not going to miss this meeting and risk being late or risk missing something. Because I don't have to do this. Like I'm putting pressure on myself that is not there.
Speaker #1
Right, right. And that brings us to, especially in this time, if you're listening to this in the busy time of August or any time can be busy for you, right? But really understanding the season that you're in and sitting down and say, hey, you know what? August is coming up. We have a lot of stuff going on. We do need to make sure school stuff is getting done. We do need to make sure. you know, such and such work is getting done. Maybe you have a trip. So there are things that do need to get done, but we can sit down and say, we don't want to lose our couple time, or we don't want to lose, you know, our relationship time. So where are we going to fit in that for this month? So August is super crazy busy, but where can we fit in a date night? Like you said, put it in the calendar, stick with it and don't put pressure on yourself that you know, things come up and I have to switch or, or what, what.
Speaker #0
It's working together. But as you said, I understand the season that you're in that's, that's two ways, right? So maybe for the month of August, it looks different because we understand this month we've got a lot of school things. So maybe date night is actually going to Walmart, picking up school supplies. So maybe it's a little bit different and we understand that. Another part of this season is not just summer, fall, spring, and winter, but also the season that God has for us. Ecclesiastes 3 and 1 says that everything is a purpose, time, and season under heaven. Yeah. And so we know that in this season of our lives, hey, we might not have the opportunity to go to bed at 830 and wake up at 830 every morning. Right. Like we want to. Right. We have some late nights. We are recording. We're editing. We are reading. We are researching. Right. We are investing in our time for future things, right? Because we know that this is a season for us to sow. That's right. It's a season for us to work hard. So we understand that. So this season of our lives looks a little bit different. Absolutely. Than it did a year ago, two years ago.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And it's so important to communicate with your spouse, sit down and say, this is what I have going on. This is what you have going on. And set that, like you said, a shared vision of, okay, how are we going to work? through this month or this season to our best ability, to how God wants us to live, right? He doesn't want us grinding and hustling and not prioritizing rest and not prioritizing our marriage. So really think through that with your spouse and kind of design and designate what your priorities are going to be like and write it out, work it out and get it done.
Speaker #0
Let's bring that back to a very key statement of... God's design or God's plan for our family like are we in or have we gotten into things that you know again we've overextended ourselves are we committing things to prayer and again I know that it's all the troll goes again or but like literally like you know you got Betty Lou and she's in gymnastics she's in soccer she's in you know you I wanna, or, or, uh,
Speaker #1
the church stuff,
Speaker #0
church stuff, honor society, you know, well, where is God on those things? Maybe, maybe we should pray like, Lord, is she supposed to be in all these things or, you know, Hey, so, you know, prayer is a very essential part of our lives of our family. Where do we get the plan? Yes. You know, are we, are you, are you, as, as, as my spouse, are you yielded to that? If I'm, if I'm saying, Hey. This is the direction I feel for our family this season. Hey, this season, we took a step back. Hey, we're not doing soccer, kids. For this season, we're taking a pause. We're taking a step break because mom and dad need some rest. Mom and dad have this going on. And so we'll come back to it. So we're going to prioritize swim, but we're not doing soccer.
Speaker #1
And we're not doing two things at once. But it goes back to how you were saying, are we trying to balance things that God doesn't even want in our lives? Like, are we? piling stuff on and trying to find that balance and that shift of how can we make everything work did we even ask god like should we be doing this activity should we be spreading ourself this thin should we be taking this job should we be signing up for this activity so are we trying to balance things that aren't supposed to even be in our lives to balance and we're trying to make things happen well let me join this group and this business networking thing and this event
Speaker #0
And maybe God's like, hey, well, actually, if you do this first, I'll take care of that. You know, Matthew 6, 3, 3, seek first my kingdom.
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
I'll add those things to you. Right. And so one of the things in our prayer is like, hey, you know, I just firmly believe like, Lord, if as I prioritize what you've given me, my first ministry is my marriage. Yeah. You'll take care of those things. Yeah. You'll, you'll, because I'm doing what you want me to do. Right. My assignment is you and the, and the children. And so if I do that. You got to make the way for me to be able to do that.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and ultimately the Lord is our provider, right? So he is going to provide for our needs as we're following him, letting him lead us and guide us and speaking to us like of what we should be doing and prioritizing in our lives.
Speaker #0
So what are some things or what are some areas that you have struggled with prioritizing or like, hey, Terrell, we got all this stuff going. We'd love to hear about it. Put it in the comments. I'd love to hear and kind of see. you know, what your schedules look like or what are the activities or what are some of the things you got going on? Because it can feel and it can seem overwhelming. Yeah,
Speaker #1
absolutely.
Speaker #0
What are some things that you do to help you not feel overwhelmed as far as, you know, you work during the days, come home Saturday, you got a full day of laundry and house, playrooms, a mess, Sunday's church all day. For us, it's a long day. How are you coping or handling those things? Plus. you know, everything else.
Speaker #1
Yeah. I'm a planner girl. So I like to plan stuff out and actually brainstorm. Okay. What do we have going on? How can I schedule that in my day and kind of have a rough outline of, okay, Tuesdays I'm going to do laundry Wednesday, swim lessons or whatever that may be. And then I throw it in like an organization system to. kind of help me keep track of those activities. We also use a shared calendar. So any events that you need to know about and I need to know about are on a calendar that we can actually look at and base our days off of. That's really important because if you're running off one thing, I'm running off one thing, things are going to get messed up because we're not on the same page or we're not remembering everything. So that's a big one. And then I also do, I actually write down my to-do list a lot of the times too, because I'm just a visual person and pick my top three things of like, if I get these three things done today, you know, that's important. That'll make me feel like I've accomplished something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm starting to ask that to the children. I'm trying to ask you that, Hey, what three things do you want to accomplish today? You know, what is your plan for today? I asked him that this morning. Hey, what is your plan for today? What do you want to accomplish today? This, that, and the other. Okay, great. Did you even brush your teeth yet? So, you know. Those are things that can help you. And we'll wrap it up as far as what do you want to accomplish today? What do you want to accomplish this week? What do you want to accomplish this month, this quarter, this year? XYZ as a couple. And keep each other accountable for those things. And again, it's just the small things. If it's an emoji text, if it is just a cookie, a bag of M&Ms.
Speaker #1
Keep it simple, right?
Speaker #0
You know, some vegan bread. okay almond butter flourless cake whatever you guys do okay but just something that says and communicates i'm here hadn't forgotten you you're still in my life you're still in my thoughts yep i know it's busy right now you guys she's in you know taking a class or a course and she's studying up late on the computer hey i got you yeah you know here's here's a little thing
Speaker #1
of tea yep and one easy way to do that if you have decided i'm going to prioritize my spouse this month and i'm going to make intentional effort to do something every day. An easy way to do that is just add that to a habit that you're already doing. So every day, maybe you get a cup of coffee and that can be your reminder. Okay. Today I'm getting my coffee. Now I'm going to remember I'm going to do something for my spouse today. So what is that going to be while your coffee is going? Think of that specific task so that you have it on your mind that day or set it up with, you know, your morning routine. of reading a book or whatever you have that you do every day, attach that to a habit that you've already doing. And it'll remind you to be intentional with your spouse this month.
Speaker #0
There you go. So you don't, prioritizing your spouse doesn't mean I'm, it's like a seesaw. I'm putting somebody above and somebody's got to fall. It just means I'm incorporating and involving them in aspects of my life and including them. So they are part of what's going on. So hope that helped. Hope you got something from that. If you did give us a thumbs up, a like, and subscribe. But what do we want to talk to them about today?
Speaker #1
We want to let them know to be on the lookout for next month. We are going to have a relationship challenge coming up. And so it is going to be something you can join. And just like we talked about today, really just an intentional time. These things are going to be like 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes each day that they can do to really prioritize their relationship. So stay tuned for more info and details on that. But it's going to be fun and exciting.
Speaker #0
All these things go together. I know you may capture a podcast here or there, but these things go together. It's a umbrella of a three-step process to play it, pray it, plan it, and pursue it. And so you put those three things together, wherever your relationship is today, whatever state it's in, wherever you like or dislike, as you pray it out, as you plan it out, and as you pursue it out, you will see things come to focus. and come together because you can enjoy life in secret days and co-habitate and coexist with a person completely different from you that accomplished what God has for your life. So we pray that you get something from today. Let us know, comment, respond, and we can't wait to see what God does through you. Thanks for joining us today and we'll see you next week. God bless.
Speaker #2
Thanks for listening to the Home to Haven podcast. Did you get anything from today's topic? Are you ready to go even deeper in developing healthy communication with your partner? Download your relationship planning guide absolutely free. This monthly outline is a great starting point to reclaim control of the hustle of everyday life and ensure that your most meaningful relationship takes center stage. You'll have everything you need to accomplish and measure your goals. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today. and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

As a Christian couple, we know firsthand the challenges and blessings of marriage. Whether you're seeking Christian marriage advice, considering Christian coaching, or simply looking for biblical wisdom to strengthen communication in your relationship, this podcast is for you.

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

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About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

View our Resources to Help Your Communication

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Is your relationship feeling lost in the shuffle, the responsibilities, the deadlines, packed schedules? Are you feeling left out, not as appreciated, not as important? I know I felt that way. So today's episode, we're going to talk all about how to navigate the different responsibilities as a couple and how you can still make one another feel appreciated and loved in spite of everything else that's going on. Let's get into it right now. Welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are growing in communication together. This is your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. Hey everyone, we are the Turners and we are delighted. So glad you've joined us today, whether you're watching on YouTube or listening on any podcast outlet. We're so appreciative of you.
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
What's going on?
Speaker #1
I know. Happy to be back. We are starting August already.
Speaker #0
It's August already. So much is going on. So much. Like everybody else, there's a lot. Trips and the kids are, what are they, third graders now?
Speaker #1
Yep. Getting ready for the start of school. Getting everything together, organized. Every single thing on the list.
Speaker #0
So there's a lot going on. We had camps this summer. Yep,
Speaker #1
we did.
Speaker #0
Trips this summer. We had to keep them.
Speaker #1
busy yes uh just you know that was fun it is a full-time job it is so lots going on typically school starts in august some people start in july so you might already be in the second day true true you're up north yeah yeah you still got a whole month to go with true yeah but you're probably start prepping getting the back to school list and all that so august is typically busy time filled with schedule changes getting all that organized so that's where we're we're at
Speaker #0
Yeah, typically July is the travel month and then August is the...
Speaker #1
Get back to it,
Speaker #0
right. So we're talking today about how to navigate just all the different things that we face on a day-to-day basis, but still find time... That's right....to make you feel appreciated.
Speaker #1
That's right, because sometimes, you know, when you have a hectic schedule...
Speaker #0
It can be hard, man.
Speaker #1
It can be hard....your relationship might fall down the priority list.
Speaker #0
You know, I've heard this a lot where, you know, your kids come first. I hear that a lot. I hear, you know, everything changes when you had kids. And for us, things have changed. But at the same time, I think there still is this constant. Of course, that constant is God's word. That's right. But the constant is we still put an emphasis and we talk a lot about what is the word I'm looking for? Not prioritize, but you have to intentionally.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
Intent.
Speaker #1
Intent. So we are going to talk through that of why it is important to still prioritize and be intentful with your marriage. So why is there, why are we saying that marriage is so important? Like, where does that even come from? Why are we saying our marriage relationship should be above other things or really matters more? I don't know if we want to say more. but it matters.
Speaker #0
It matters. Right. I know in 2024. Yeah. I mean, no marriage is still good. Right. And you know, the narrative that marriage is just hectic or it's fallen, you know, you got dating shows now and you know, if it doesn't work out, I'll just switch you out for somebody else. Yeah. I'll bring in the replacement. You know, you got three days in the house. I don't like you anymore. Okay. You know, so it's, you know, the narrative for today's generation is, you know, it's just, if you don't, if it's not working for you. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. Just find somebody else. So, you know, marriage is important. Right. And it can be fulfilling. I believe it is fulfilling.
Speaker #1
It is.
Speaker #0
But you've got to do those things that make it fulfilling. And so to prioritize, I've got to do that. If I want to get the fruit out of my marriage, if I want to. If I want to have a sweet watermelon.
Speaker #1
Okay. You know. You got to do stuff to get that, right?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Now, let's talk a little bit about what it actually means. Like, what is prioritizing your spouse look like? And what does it not look like? Because like you mentioned before, some people would say, if you prioritize your marriage or your spouse, maybe you're not prioritizing your kids or your work or things like that. Whereas. we would say you can still prioritize your marriage and still, you know, care about your kids and still work hard at your job and still have a happy, cleaned up, organized home. You know, it's not putting that as the only thing, as the only thing that's important or priority in your life.
Speaker #0
Yeah, you know, you don't just make someone the soul center of your life. Okay. but you involve them in the aspects of your life. So I prioritize you by asking you, what's your feedback on this? What's your feedback on this? Can you help me with this? What's your input of this? I sent this to you. So I'm including you on my daily tasks, my daily chores, my daily responsibilities, whatever's happening in my life. I'm including you on those things and bringing you into... I want to say my world, but also our world, because my world is your world. Yeah,
Speaker #1
we're creating a world together, right? And we also take that time, like you said, be intentional with the time that you do have to show them that you care. Show them ways that you love them, appreciate them. You show their gratitude towards them. That is what we mean by really prioritizing, making those pockets of time really matter.
Speaker #0
Pockets of time. And then, of course, we're not perfect. Every day isn't going to go. according to yours, as a type as you are or as analytical as you are, things are going to happen. So with my work day, I've had a bunch of meetings. I was on the phone all day. You know, you're not freaking out. Like, where are you? Why have you texted me today? Like, I don't get those things from you. And so maybe I went through a day or two days and we haven't really communicated. I'll say, hey, call the babysitter. You know, let's go out. you know we need some time so i'll i want to say make up for it but i'll try to you know say like hey i feel i said although i feel distant from the kids like i've i've been training i've been traveling uh i want to spend some time with you so it's it's being having that awareness that mindset that state of awareness of okay i need to make sure that i'm balancing and i'm I'm with my children. I'm with my spouse. I'm giving the time that she needs. I'm giving the time that he needs. Otherwise, they're going to start falling apart.
Speaker #1
Right. And if it's not at the forefront of your mind, it just naturally, other thing, you're going to be doing other things and it kind of slips from your quote unquote to-do list or, oh yeah, I haven't said anything nice to my husband in the last couple of days because you're not actually thinking about it. You're not prioritizing.
Speaker #0
It happens and it's not intentional. But speaking of to-do lists, one of the things I would challenge you to do is put in your phone, put in your calendar, hey, we're doing this this day. Hey, I'm going to take him here. Or hey, we're going to go out for ice cream here. You know, put things on the calendar. Hey, we're going to have a special time together this particular evening. Put those things in the calendar and then don't deviate from those things. If something pops up, you know, one of the things I am learning, because I am eager to please, I'm a servant's heart that is just ingrained in my DNA. And so sometimes I have said yes and taken on too many things and spread myself too thin. And so one of the things I'm learning and practicing and becoming even more better at is learning the power of saying no, or learning how to, you know, I really don't have to do that. That can't wait till tomorrow. Or I was feeling like today I'm going to get the kids some lunch. Okay. Order them some Play-Doh. I'm going to pick it up. Yep. You know, I'm trying to do all these things. I'm like, wait a minute. I don't have to do that. Hey, Jen, can you pick up this stuff for me on your way home from work? And I'm not going to miss this meeting and risk being late or risk missing something. Because I don't have to do this. Like I'm putting pressure on myself that is not there.
Speaker #1
Right, right. And that brings us to, especially in this time, if you're listening to this in the busy time of August or any time can be busy for you, right? But really understanding the season that you're in and sitting down and say, hey, you know what? August is coming up. We have a lot of stuff going on. We do need to make sure school stuff is getting done. We do need to make sure. you know, such and such work is getting done. Maybe you have a trip. So there are things that do need to get done, but we can sit down and say, we don't want to lose our couple time, or we don't want to lose, you know, our relationship time. So where are we going to fit in that for this month? So August is super crazy busy, but where can we fit in a date night? Like you said, put it in the calendar, stick with it and don't put pressure on yourself that you know, things come up and I have to switch or, or what, what.
Speaker #0
It's working together. But as you said, I understand the season that you're in that's, that's two ways, right? So maybe for the month of August, it looks different because we understand this month we've got a lot of school things. So maybe date night is actually going to Walmart, picking up school supplies. So maybe it's a little bit different and we understand that. Another part of this season is not just summer, fall, spring, and winter, but also the season that God has for us. Ecclesiastes 3 and 1 says that everything is a purpose, time, and season under heaven. Yeah. And so we know that in this season of our lives, hey, we might not have the opportunity to go to bed at 830 and wake up at 830 every morning. Right. Like we want to. Right. We have some late nights. We are recording. We're editing. We are reading. We are researching. Right. We are investing in our time for future things, right? Because we know that this is a season for us to sow. That's right. It's a season for us to work hard. So we understand that. So this season of our lives looks a little bit different. Absolutely. Than it did a year ago, two years ago.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And it's so important to communicate with your spouse, sit down and say, this is what I have going on. This is what you have going on. And set that, like you said, a shared vision of, okay, how are we going to work? through this month or this season to our best ability, to how God wants us to live, right? He doesn't want us grinding and hustling and not prioritizing rest and not prioritizing our marriage. So really think through that with your spouse and kind of design and designate what your priorities are going to be like and write it out, work it out and get it done.
Speaker #0
Let's bring that back to a very key statement of... God's design or God's plan for our family like are we in or have we gotten into things that you know again we've overextended ourselves are we committing things to prayer and again I know that it's all the troll goes again or but like literally like you know you got Betty Lou and she's in gymnastics she's in soccer she's in you know you I wanna, or, or, uh,
Speaker #1
the church stuff,
Speaker #0
church stuff, honor society, you know, well, where is God on those things? Maybe, maybe we should pray like, Lord, is she supposed to be in all these things or, you know, Hey, so, you know, prayer is a very essential part of our lives of our family. Where do we get the plan? Yes. You know, are we, are you, are you, as, as, as my spouse, are you yielded to that? If I'm, if I'm saying, Hey. This is the direction I feel for our family this season. Hey, this season, we took a step back. Hey, we're not doing soccer, kids. For this season, we're taking a pause. We're taking a step break because mom and dad need some rest. Mom and dad have this going on. And so we'll come back to it. So we're going to prioritize swim, but we're not doing soccer.
Speaker #1
And we're not doing two things at once. But it goes back to how you were saying, are we trying to balance things that God doesn't even want in our lives? Like, are we? piling stuff on and trying to find that balance and that shift of how can we make everything work did we even ask god like should we be doing this activity should we be spreading ourself this thin should we be taking this job should we be signing up for this activity so are we trying to balance things that aren't supposed to even be in our lives to balance and we're trying to make things happen well let me join this group and this business networking thing and this event
Speaker #0
And maybe God's like, hey, well, actually, if you do this first, I'll take care of that. You know, Matthew 6, 3, 3, seek first my kingdom.
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
I'll add those things to you. Right. And so one of the things in our prayer is like, hey, you know, I just firmly believe like, Lord, if as I prioritize what you've given me, my first ministry is my marriage. Yeah. You'll take care of those things. Yeah. You'll, you'll, because I'm doing what you want me to do. Right. My assignment is you and the, and the children. And so if I do that. You got to make the way for me to be able to do that.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and ultimately the Lord is our provider, right? So he is going to provide for our needs as we're following him, letting him lead us and guide us and speaking to us like of what we should be doing and prioritizing in our lives.
Speaker #0
So what are some things or what are some areas that you have struggled with prioritizing or like, hey, Terrell, we got all this stuff going. We'd love to hear about it. Put it in the comments. I'd love to hear and kind of see. you know, what your schedules look like or what are the activities or what are some of the things you got going on? Because it can feel and it can seem overwhelming. Yeah,
Speaker #1
absolutely.
Speaker #0
What are some things that you do to help you not feel overwhelmed as far as, you know, you work during the days, come home Saturday, you got a full day of laundry and house, playrooms, a mess, Sunday's church all day. For us, it's a long day. How are you coping or handling those things? Plus. you know, everything else.
Speaker #1
Yeah. I'm a planner girl. So I like to plan stuff out and actually brainstorm. Okay. What do we have going on? How can I schedule that in my day and kind of have a rough outline of, okay, Tuesdays I'm going to do laundry Wednesday, swim lessons or whatever that may be. And then I throw it in like an organization system to. kind of help me keep track of those activities. We also use a shared calendar. So any events that you need to know about and I need to know about are on a calendar that we can actually look at and base our days off of. That's really important because if you're running off one thing, I'm running off one thing, things are going to get messed up because we're not on the same page or we're not remembering everything. So that's a big one. And then I also do, I actually write down my to-do list a lot of the times too, because I'm just a visual person and pick my top three things of like, if I get these three things done today, you know, that's important. That'll make me feel like I've accomplished something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm starting to ask that to the children. I'm trying to ask you that, Hey, what three things do you want to accomplish today? You know, what is your plan for today? I asked him that this morning. Hey, what is your plan for today? What do you want to accomplish today? This, that, and the other. Okay, great. Did you even brush your teeth yet? So, you know. Those are things that can help you. And we'll wrap it up as far as what do you want to accomplish today? What do you want to accomplish this week? What do you want to accomplish this month, this quarter, this year? XYZ as a couple. And keep each other accountable for those things. And again, it's just the small things. If it's an emoji text, if it is just a cookie, a bag of M&Ms.
Speaker #1
Keep it simple, right?
Speaker #0
You know, some vegan bread. okay almond butter flourless cake whatever you guys do okay but just something that says and communicates i'm here hadn't forgotten you you're still in my life you're still in my thoughts yep i know it's busy right now you guys she's in you know taking a class or a course and she's studying up late on the computer hey i got you yeah you know here's here's a little thing
Speaker #1
of tea yep and one easy way to do that if you have decided i'm going to prioritize my spouse this month and i'm going to make intentional effort to do something every day. An easy way to do that is just add that to a habit that you're already doing. So every day, maybe you get a cup of coffee and that can be your reminder. Okay. Today I'm getting my coffee. Now I'm going to remember I'm going to do something for my spouse today. So what is that going to be while your coffee is going? Think of that specific task so that you have it on your mind that day or set it up with, you know, your morning routine. of reading a book or whatever you have that you do every day, attach that to a habit that you've already doing. And it'll remind you to be intentional with your spouse this month.
Speaker #0
There you go. So you don't, prioritizing your spouse doesn't mean I'm, it's like a seesaw. I'm putting somebody above and somebody's got to fall. It just means I'm incorporating and involving them in aspects of my life and including them. So they are part of what's going on. So hope that helped. Hope you got something from that. If you did give us a thumbs up, a like, and subscribe. But what do we want to talk to them about today?
Speaker #1
We want to let them know to be on the lookout for next month. We are going to have a relationship challenge coming up. And so it is going to be something you can join. And just like we talked about today, really just an intentional time. These things are going to be like 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes each day that they can do to really prioritize their relationship. So stay tuned for more info and details on that. But it's going to be fun and exciting.
Speaker #0
All these things go together. I know you may capture a podcast here or there, but these things go together. It's a umbrella of a three-step process to play it, pray it, plan it, and pursue it. And so you put those three things together, wherever your relationship is today, whatever state it's in, wherever you like or dislike, as you pray it out, as you plan it out, and as you pursue it out, you will see things come to focus. and come together because you can enjoy life in secret days and co-habitate and coexist with a person completely different from you that accomplished what God has for your life. So we pray that you get something from today. Let us know, comment, respond, and we can't wait to see what God does through you. Thanks for joining us today and we'll see you next week. God bless.
Speaker #2
Thanks for listening to the Home to Haven podcast. Did you get anything from today's topic? Are you ready to go even deeper in developing healthy communication with your partner? Download your relationship planning guide absolutely free. This monthly outline is a great starting point to reclaim control of the hustle of everyday life and ensure that your most meaningful relationship takes center stage. You'll have everything you need to accomplish and measure your goals. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today. and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

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About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

View our Resources to Help Your Communication

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Is your relationship feeling lost in the shuffle, the responsibilities, the deadlines, packed schedules? Are you feeling left out, not as appreciated, not as important? I know I felt that way. So today's episode, we're going to talk all about how to navigate the different responsibilities as a couple and how you can still make one another feel appreciated and loved in spite of everything else that's going on. Let's get into it right now. Welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are growing in communication together. This is your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. Hey everyone, we are the Turners and we are delighted. So glad you've joined us today, whether you're watching on YouTube or listening on any podcast outlet. We're so appreciative of you.
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
What's going on?
Speaker #1
I know. Happy to be back. We are starting August already.
Speaker #0
It's August already. So much is going on. So much. Like everybody else, there's a lot. Trips and the kids are, what are they, third graders now?
Speaker #1
Yep. Getting ready for the start of school. Getting everything together, organized. Every single thing on the list.
Speaker #0
So there's a lot going on. We had camps this summer. Yep,
Speaker #1
we did.
Speaker #0
Trips this summer. We had to keep them.
Speaker #1
busy yes uh just you know that was fun it is a full-time job it is so lots going on typically school starts in august some people start in july so you might already be in the second day true true you're up north yeah yeah you still got a whole month to go with true yeah but you're probably start prepping getting the back to school list and all that so august is typically busy time filled with schedule changes getting all that organized so that's where we're we're at
Speaker #0
Yeah, typically July is the travel month and then August is the...
Speaker #1
Get back to it,
Speaker #0
right. So we're talking today about how to navigate just all the different things that we face on a day-to-day basis, but still find time... That's right....to make you feel appreciated.
Speaker #1
That's right, because sometimes, you know, when you have a hectic schedule...
Speaker #0
It can be hard, man.
Speaker #1
It can be hard....your relationship might fall down the priority list.
Speaker #0
You know, I've heard this a lot where, you know, your kids come first. I hear that a lot. I hear, you know, everything changes when you had kids. And for us, things have changed. But at the same time, I think there still is this constant. Of course, that constant is God's word. That's right. But the constant is we still put an emphasis and we talk a lot about what is the word I'm looking for? Not prioritize, but you have to intentionally.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
Intent.
Speaker #1
Intent. So we are going to talk through that of why it is important to still prioritize and be intentful with your marriage. So why is there, why are we saying that marriage is so important? Like, where does that even come from? Why are we saying our marriage relationship should be above other things or really matters more? I don't know if we want to say more. but it matters.
Speaker #0
It matters. Right. I know in 2024. Yeah. I mean, no marriage is still good. Right. And you know, the narrative that marriage is just hectic or it's fallen, you know, you got dating shows now and you know, if it doesn't work out, I'll just switch you out for somebody else. Yeah. I'll bring in the replacement. You know, you got three days in the house. I don't like you anymore. Okay. You know, so it's, you know, the narrative for today's generation is, you know, it's just, if you don't, if it's not working for you. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. Just find somebody else. So, you know, marriage is important. Right. And it can be fulfilling. I believe it is fulfilling.
Speaker #1
It is.
Speaker #0
But you've got to do those things that make it fulfilling. And so to prioritize, I've got to do that. If I want to get the fruit out of my marriage, if I want to. If I want to have a sweet watermelon.
Speaker #1
Okay. You know. You got to do stuff to get that, right?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Now, let's talk a little bit about what it actually means. Like, what is prioritizing your spouse look like? And what does it not look like? Because like you mentioned before, some people would say, if you prioritize your marriage or your spouse, maybe you're not prioritizing your kids or your work or things like that. Whereas. we would say you can still prioritize your marriage and still, you know, care about your kids and still work hard at your job and still have a happy, cleaned up, organized home. You know, it's not putting that as the only thing, as the only thing that's important or priority in your life.
Speaker #0
Yeah, you know, you don't just make someone the soul center of your life. Okay. but you involve them in the aspects of your life. So I prioritize you by asking you, what's your feedback on this? What's your feedback on this? Can you help me with this? What's your input of this? I sent this to you. So I'm including you on my daily tasks, my daily chores, my daily responsibilities, whatever's happening in my life. I'm including you on those things and bringing you into... I want to say my world, but also our world, because my world is your world. Yeah,
Speaker #1
we're creating a world together, right? And we also take that time, like you said, be intentional with the time that you do have to show them that you care. Show them ways that you love them, appreciate them. You show their gratitude towards them. That is what we mean by really prioritizing, making those pockets of time really matter.
Speaker #0
Pockets of time. And then, of course, we're not perfect. Every day isn't going to go. according to yours, as a type as you are or as analytical as you are, things are going to happen. So with my work day, I've had a bunch of meetings. I was on the phone all day. You know, you're not freaking out. Like, where are you? Why have you texted me today? Like, I don't get those things from you. And so maybe I went through a day or two days and we haven't really communicated. I'll say, hey, call the babysitter. You know, let's go out. you know we need some time so i'll i want to say make up for it but i'll try to you know say like hey i feel i said although i feel distant from the kids like i've i've been training i've been traveling uh i want to spend some time with you so it's it's being having that awareness that mindset that state of awareness of okay i need to make sure that i'm balancing and i'm I'm with my children. I'm with my spouse. I'm giving the time that she needs. I'm giving the time that he needs. Otherwise, they're going to start falling apart.
Speaker #1
Right. And if it's not at the forefront of your mind, it just naturally, other thing, you're going to be doing other things and it kind of slips from your quote unquote to-do list or, oh yeah, I haven't said anything nice to my husband in the last couple of days because you're not actually thinking about it. You're not prioritizing.
Speaker #0
It happens and it's not intentional. But speaking of to-do lists, one of the things I would challenge you to do is put in your phone, put in your calendar, hey, we're doing this this day. Hey, I'm going to take him here. Or hey, we're going to go out for ice cream here. You know, put things on the calendar. Hey, we're going to have a special time together this particular evening. Put those things in the calendar and then don't deviate from those things. If something pops up, you know, one of the things I am learning, because I am eager to please, I'm a servant's heart that is just ingrained in my DNA. And so sometimes I have said yes and taken on too many things and spread myself too thin. And so one of the things I'm learning and practicing and becoming even more better at is learning the power of saying no, or learning how to, you know, I really don't have to do that. That can't wait till tomorrow. Or I was feeling like today I'm going to get the kids some lunch. Okay. Order them some Play-Doh. I'm going to pick it up. Yep. You know, I'm trying to do all these things. I'm like, wait a minute. I don't have to do that. Hey, Jen, can you pick up this stuff for me on your way home from work? And I'm not going to miss this meeting and risk being late or risk missing something. Because I don't have to do this. Like I'm putting pressure on myself that is not there.
Speaker #1
Right, right. And that brings us to, especially in this time, if you're listening to this in the busy time of August or any time can be busy for you, right? But really understanding the season that you're in and sitting down and say, hey, you know what? August is coming up. We have a lot of stuff going on. We do need to make sure school stuff is getting done. We do need to make sure. you know, such and such work is getting done. Maybe you have a trip. So there are things that do need to get done, but we can sit down and say, we don't want to lose our couple time, or we don't want to lose, you know, our relationship time. So where are we going to fit in that for this month? So August is super crazy busy, but where can we fit in a date night? Like you said, put it in the calendar, stick with it and don't put pressure on yourself that you know, things come up and I have to switch or, or what, what.
Speaker #0
It's working together. But as you said, I understand the season that you're in that's, that's two ways, right? So maybe for the month of August, it looks different because we understand this month we've got a lot of school things. So maybe date night is actually going to Walmart, picking up school supplies. So maybe it's a little bit different and we understand that. Another part of this season is not just summer, fall, spring, and winter, but also the season that God has for us. Ecclesiastes 3 and 1 says that everything is a purpose, time, and season under heaven. Yeah. And so we know that in this season of our lives, hey, we might not have the opportunity to go to bed at 830 and wake up at 830 every morning. Right. Like we want to. Right. We have some late nights. We are recording. We're editing. We are reading. We are researching. Right. We are investing in our time for future things, right? Because we know that this is a season for us to sow. That's right. It's a season for us to work hard. So we understand that. So this season of our lives looks a little bit different. Absolutely. Than it did a year ago, two years ago.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And it's so important to communicate with your spouse, sit down and say, this is what I have going on. This is what you have going on. And set that, like you said, a shared vision of, okay, how are we going to work? through this month or this season to our best ability, to how God wants us to live, right? He doesn't want us grinding and hustling and not prioritizing rest and not prioritizing our marriage. So really think through that with your spouse and kind of design and designate what your priorities are going to be like and write it out, work it out and get it done.
Speaker #0
Let's bring that back to a very key statement of... God's design or God's plan for our family like are we in or have we gotten into things that you know again we've overextended ourselves are we committing things to prayer and again I know that it's all the troll goes again or but like literally like you know you got Betty Lou and she's in gymnastics she's in soccer she's in you know you I wanna, or, or, uh,
Speaker #1
the church stuff,
Speaker #0
church stuff, honor society, you know, well, where is God on those things? Maybe, maybe we should pray like, Lord, is she supposed to be in all these things or, you know, Hey, so, you know, prayer is a very essential part of our lives of our family. Where do we get the plan? Yes. You know, are we, are you, are you, as, as, as my spouse, are you yielded to that? If I'm, if I'm saying, Hey. This is the direction I feel for our family this season. Hey, this season, we took a step back. Hey, we're not doing soccer, kids. For this season, we're taking a pause. We're taking a step break because mom and dad need some rest. Mom and dad have this going on. And so we'll come back to it. So we're going to prioritize swim, but we're not doing soccer.
Speaker #1
And we're not doing two things at once. But it goes back to how you were saying, are we trying to balance things that God doesn't even want in our lives? Like, are we? piling stuff on and trying to find that balance and that shift of how can we make everything work did we even ask god like should we be doing this activity should we be spreading ourself this thin should we be taking this job should we be signing up for this activity so are we trying to balance things that aren't supposed to even be in our lives to balance and we're trying to make things happen well let me join this group and this business networking thing and this event
Speaker #0
And maybe God's like, hey, well, actually, if you do this first, I'll take care of that. You know, Matthew 6, 3, 3, seek first my kingdom.
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
I'll add those things to you. Right. And so one of the things in our prayer is like, hey, you know, I just firmly believe like, Lord, if as I prioritize what you've given me, my first ministry is my marriage. Yeah. You'll take care of those things. Yeah. You'll, you'll, because I'm doing what you want me to do. Right. My assignment is you and the, and the children. And so if I do that. You got to make the way for me to be able to do that.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and ultimately the Lord is our provider, right? So he is going to provide for our needs as we're following him, letting him lead us and guide us and speaking to us like of what we should be doing and prioritizing in our lives.
Speaker #0
So what are some things or what are some areas that you have struggled with prioritizing or like, hey, Terrell, we got all this stuff going. We'd love to hear about it. Put it in the comments. I'd love to hear and kind of see. you know, what your schedules look like or what are the activities or what are some of the things you got going on? Because it can feel and it can seem overwhelming. Yeah,
Speaker #1
absolutely.
Speaker #0
What are some things that you do to help you not feel overwhelmed as far as, you know, you work during the days, come home Saturday, you got a full day of laundry and house, playrooms, a mess, Sunday's church all day. For us, it's a long day. How are you coping or handling those things? Plus. you know, everything else.
Speaker #1
Yeah. I'm a planner girl. So I like to plan stuff out and actually brainstorm. Okay. What do we have going on? How can I schedule that in my day and kind of have a rough outline of, okay, Tuesdays I'm going to do laundry Wednesday, swim lessons or whatever that may be. And then I throw it in like an organization system to. kind of help me keep track of those activities. We also use a shared calendar. So any events that you need to know about and I need to know about are on a calendar that we can actually look at and base our days off of. That's really important because if you're running off one thing, I'm running off one thing, things are going to get messed up because we're not on the same page or we're not remembering everything. So that's a big one. And then I also do, I actually write down my to-do list a lot of the times too, because I'm just a visual person and pick my top three things of like, if I get these three things done today, you know, that's important. That'll make me feel like I've accomplished something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm starting to ask that to the children. I'm trying to ask you that, Hey, what three things do you want to accomplish today? You know, what is your plan for today? I asked him that this morning. Hey, what is your plan for today? What do you want to accomplish today? This, that, and the other. Okay, great. Did you even brush your teeth yet? So, you know. Those are things that can help you. And we'll wrap it up as far as what do you want to accomplish today? What do you want to accomplish this week? What do you want to accomplish this month, this quarter, this year? XYZ as a couple. And keep each other accountable for those things. And again, it's just the small things. If it's an emoji text, if it is just a cookie, a bag of M&Ms.
Speaker #1
Keep it simple, right?
Speaker #0
You know, some vegan bread. okay almond butter flourless cake whatever you guys do okay but just something that says and communicates i'm here hadn't forgotten you you're still in my life you're still in my thoughts yep i know it's busy right now you guys she's in you know taking a class or a course and she's studying up late on the computer hey i got you yeah you know here's here's a little thing
Speaker #1
of tea yep and one easy way to do that if you have decided i'm going to prioritize my spouse this month and i'm going to make intentional effort to do something every day. An easy way to do that is just add that to a habit that you're already doing. So every day, maybe you get a cup of coffee and that can be your reminder. Okay. Today I'm getting my coffee. Now I'm going to remember I'm going to do something for my spouse today. So what is that going to be while your coffee is going? Think of that specific task so that you have it on your mind that day or set it up with, you know, your morning routine. of reading a book or whatever you have that you do every day, attach that to a habit that you've already doing. And it'll remind you to be intentional with your spouse this month.
Speaker #0
There you go. So you don't, prioritizing your spouse doesn't mean I'm, it's like a seesaw. I'm putting somebody above and somebody's got to fall. It just means I'm incorporating and involving them in aspects of my life and including them. So they are part of what's going on. So hope that helped. Hope you got something from that. If you did give us a thumbs up, a like, and subscribe. But what do we want to talk to them about today?
Speaker #1
We want to let them know to be on the lookout for next month. We are going to have a relationship challenge coming up. And so it is going to be something you can join. And just like we talked about today, really just an intentional time. These things are going to be like 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes each day that they can do to really prioritize their relationship. So stay tuned for more info and details on that. But it's going to be fun and exciting.
Speaker #0
All these things go together. I know you may capture a podcast here or there, but these things go together. It's a umbrella of a three-step process to play it, pray it, plan it, and pursue it. And so you put those three things together, wherever your relationship is today, whatever state it's in, wherever you like or dislike, as you pray it out, as you plan it out, and as you pursue it out, you will see things come to focus. and come together because you can enjoy life in secret days and co-habitate and coexist with a person completely different from you that accomplished what God has for your life. So we pray that you get something from today. Let us know, comment, respond, and we can't wait to see what God does through you. Thanks for joining us today and we'll see you next week. God bless.
Speaker #2
Thanks for listening to the Home to Haven podcast. Did you get anything from today's topic? Are you ready to go even deeper in developing healthy communication with your partner? Download your relationship planning guide absolutely free. This monthly outline is a great starting point to reclaim control of the hustle of everyday life and ensure that your most meaningful relationship takes center stage. You'll have everything you need to accomplish and measure your goals. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today. and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

View our Resources to Help Your Communication

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

View our Resources to Help Your Communication

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Is your relationship feeling lost in the shuffle, the responsibilities, the deadlines, packed schedules? Are you feeling left out, not as appreciated, not as important? I know I felt that way. So today's episode, we're going to talk all about how to navigate the different responsibilities as a couple and how you can still make one another feel appreciated and loved in spite of everything else that's going on. Let's get into it right now. Welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are growing in communication together. This is your home for faithful content that helps you communicate in your relationship. Hey everyone, we are the Turners and we are delighted. So glad you've joined us today, whether you're watching on YouTube or listening on any podcast outlet. We're so appreciative of you.
Speaker #1
That's right.
Speaker #0
What's going on?
Speaker #1
I know. Happy to be back. We are starting August already.
Speaker #0
It's August already. So much is going on. So much. Like everybody else, there's a lot. Trips and the kids are, what are they, third graders now?
Speaker #1
Yep. Getting ready for the start of school. Getting everything together, organized. Every single thing on the list.
Speaker #0
So there's a lot going on. We had camps this summer. Yep,
Speaker #1
we did.
Speaker #0
Trips this summer. We had to keep them.
Speaker #1
busy yes uh just you know that was fun it is a full-time job it is so lots going on typically school starts in august some people start in july so you might already be in the second day true true you're up north yeah yeah you still got a whole month to go with true yeah but you're probably start prepping getting the back to school list and all that so august is typically busy time filled with schedule changes getting all that organized so that's where we're we're at
Speaker #0
Yeah, typically July is the travel month and then August is the...
Speaker #1
Get back to it,
Speaker #0
right. So we're talking today about how to navigate just all the different things that we face on a day-to-day basis, but still find time... That's right....to make you feel appreciated.
Speaker #1
That's right, because sometimes, you know, when you have a hectic schedule...
Speaker #0
It can be hard, man.
Speaker #1
It can be hard....your relationship might fall down the priority list.
Speaker #0
You know, I've heard this a lot where, you know, your kids come first. I hear that a lot. I hear, you know, everything changes when you had kids. And for us, things have changed. But at the same time, I think there still is this constant. Of course, that constant is God's word. That's right. But the constant is we still put an emphasis and we talk a lot about what is the word I'm looking for? Not prioritize, but you have to intentionally.
Speaker #1
Yes.
Speaker #0
Intent.
Speaker #1
Intent. So we are going to talk through that of why it is important to still prioritize and be intentful with your marriage. So why is there, why are we saying that marriage is so important? Like, where does that even come from? Why are we saying our marriage relationship should be above other things or really matters more? I don't know if we want to say more. but it matters.
Speaker #0
It matters. Right. I know in 2024. Yeah. I mean, no marriage is still good. Right. And you know, the narrative that marriage is just hectic or it's fallen, you know, you got dating shows now and you know, if it doesn't work out, I'll just switch you out for somebody else. Yeah. I'll bring in the replacement. You know, you got three days in the house. I don't like you anymore. Okay. You know, so it's, you know, the narrative for today's generation is, you know, it's just, if you don't, if it's not working for you. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. Just find somebody else. So, you know, marriage is important. Right. And it can be fulfilling. I believe it is fulfilling.
Speaker #1
It is.
Speaker #0
But you've got to do those things that make it fulfilling. And so to prioritize, I've got to do that. If I want to get the fruit out of my marriage, if I want to. If I want to have a sweet watermelon.
Speaker #1
Okay. You know. You got to do stuff to get that, right?
Speaker #0
Yeah.
Speaker #1
Now, let's talk a little bit about what it actually means. Like, what is prioritizing your spouse look like? And what does it not look like? Because like you mentioned before, some people would say, if you prioritize your marriage or your spouse, maybe you're not prioritizing your kids or your work or things like that. Whereas. we would say you can still prioritize your marriage and still, you know, care about your kids and still work hard at your job and still have a happy, cleaned up, organized home. You know, it's not putting that as the only thing, as the only thing that's important or priority in your life.
Speaker #0
Yeah, you know, you don't just make someone the soul center of your life. Okay. but you involve them in the aspects of your life. So I prioritize you by asking you, what's your feedback on this? What's your feedback on this? Can you help me with this? What's your input of this? I sent this to you. So I'm including you on my daily tasks, my daily chores, my daily responsibilities, whatever's happening in my life. I'm including you on those things and bringing you into... I want to say my world, but also our world, because my world is your world. Yeah,
Speaker #1
we're creating a world together, right? And we also take that time, like you said, be intentional with the time that you do have to show them that you care. Show them ways that you love them, appreciate them. You show their gratitude towards them. That is what we mean by really prioritizing, making those pockets of time really matter.
Speaker #0
Pockets of time. And then, of course, we're not perfect. Every day isn't going to go. according to yours, as a type as you are or as analytical as you are, things are going to happen. So with my work day, I've had a bunch of meetings. I was on the phone all day. You know, you're not freaking out. Like, where are you? Why have you texted me today? Like, I don't get those things from you. And so maybe I went through a day or two days and we haven't really communicated. I'll say, hey, call the babysitter. You know, let's go out. you know we need some time so i'll i want to say make up for it but i'll try to you know say like hey i feel i said although i feel distant from the kids like i've i've been training i've been traveling uh i want to spend some time with you so it's it's being having that awareness that mindset that state of awareness of okay i need to make sure that i'm balancing and i'm I'm with my children. I'm with my spouse. I'm giving the time that she needs. I'm giving the time that he needs. Otherwise, they're going to start falling apart.
Speaker #1
Right. And if it's not at the forefront of your mind, it just naturally, other thing, you're going to be doing other things and it kind of slips from your quote unquote to-do list or, oh yeah, I haven't said anything nice to my husband in the last couple of days because you're not actually thinking about it. You're not prioritizing.
Speaker #0
It happens and it's not intentional. But speaking of to-do lists, one of the things I would challenge you to do is put in your phone, put in your calendar, hey, we're doing this this day. Hey, I'm going to take him here. Or hey, we're going to go out for ice cream here. You know, put things on the calendar. Hey, we're going to have a special time together this particular evening. Put those things in the calendar and then don't deviate from those things. If something pops up, you know, one of the things I am learning, because I am eager to please, I'm a servant's heart that is just ingrained in my DNA. And so sometimes I have said yes and taken on too many things and spread myself too thin. And so one of the things I'm learning and practicing and becoming even more better at is learning the power of saying no, or learning how to, you know, I really don't have to do that. That can't wait till tomorrow. Or I was feeling like today I'm going to get the kids some lunch. Okay. Order them some Play-Doh. I'm going to pick it up. Yep. You know, I'm trying to do all these things. I'm like, wait a minute. I don't have to do that. Hey, Jen, can you pick up this stuff for me on your way home from work? And I'm not going to miss this meeting and risk being late or risk missing something. Because I don't have to do this. Like I'm putting pressure on myself that is not there.
Speaker #1
Right, right. And that brings us to, especially in this time, if you're listening to this in the busy time of August or any time can be busy for you, right? But really understanding the season that you're in and sitting down and say, hey, you know what? August is coming up. We have a lot of stuff going on. We do need to make sure school stuff is getting done. We do need to make sure. you know, such and such work is getting done. Maybe you have a trip. So there are things that do need to get done, but we can sit down and say, we don't want to lose our couple time, or we don't want to lose, you know, our relationship time. So where are we going to fit in that for this month? So August is super crazy busy, but where can we fit in a date night? Like you said, put it in the calendar, stick with it and don't put pressure on yourself that you know, things come up and I have to switch or, or what, what.
Speaker #0
It's working together. But as you said, I understand the season that you're in that's, that's two ways, right? So maybe for the month of August, it looks different because we understand this month we've got a lot of school things. So maybe date night is actually going to Walmart, picking up school supplies. So maybe it's a little bit different and we understand that. Another part of this season is not just summer, fall, spring, and winter, but also the season that God has for us. Ecclesiastes 3 and 1 says that everything is a purpose, time, and season under heaven. Yeah. And so we know that in this season of our lives, hey, we might not have the opportunity to go to bed at 830 and wake up at 830 every morning. Right. Like we want to. Right. We have some late nights. We are recording. We're editing. We are reading. We are researching. Right. We are investing in our time for future things, right? Because we know that this is a season for us to sow. That's right. It's a season for us to work hard. So we understand that. So this season of our lives looks a little bit different. Absolutely. Than it did a year ago, two years ago.
Speaker #1
Absolutely. And it's so important to communicate with your spouse, sit down and say, this is what I have going on. This is what you have going on. And set that, like you said, a shared vision of, okay, how are we going to work? through this month or this season to our best ability, to how God wants us to live, right? He doesn't want us grinding and hustling and not prioritizing rest and not prioritizing our marriage. So really think through that with your spouse and kind of design and designate what your priorities are going to be like and write it out, work it out and get it done.
Speaker #0
Let's bring that back to a very key statement of... God's design or God's plan for our family like are we in or have we gotten into things that you know again we've overextended ourselves are we committing things to prayer and again I know that it's all the troll goes again or but like literally like you know you got Betty Lou and she's in gymnastics she's in soccer she's in you know you I wanna, or, or, uh,
Speaker #1
the church stuff,
Speaker #0
church stuff, honor society, you know, well, where is God on those things? Maybe, maybe we should pray like, Lord, is she supposed to be in all these things or, you know, Hey, so, you know, prayer is a very essential part of our lives of our family. Where do we get the plan? Yes. You know, are we, are you, are you, as, as, as my spouse, are you yielded to that? If I'm, if I'm saying, Hey. This is the direction I feel for our family this season. Hey, this season, we took a step back. Hey, we're not doing soccer, kids. For this season, we're taking a pause. We're taking a step break because mom and dad need some rest. Mom and dad have this going on. And so we'll come back to it. So we're going to prioritize swim, but we're not doing soccer.
Speaker #1
And we're not doing two things at once. But it goes back to how you were saying, are we trying to balance things that God doesn't even want in our lives? Like, are we? piling stuff on and trying to find that balance and that shift of how can we make everything work did we even ask god like should we be doing this activity should we be spreading ourself this thin should we be taking this job should we be signing up for this activity so are we trying to balance things that aren't supposed to even be in our lives to balance and we're trying to make things happen well let me join this group and this business networking thing and this event
Speaker #0
And maybe God's like, hey, well, actually, if you do this first, I'll take care of that. You know, Matthew 6, 3, 3, seek first my kingdom.
Speaker #1
Absolutely.
Speaker #0
I'll add those things to you. Right. And so one of the things in our prayer is like, hey, you know, I just firmly believe like, Lord, if as I prioritize what you've given me, my first ministry is my marriage. Yeah. You'll take care of those things. Yeah. You'll, you'll, because I'm doing what you want me to do. Right. My assignment is you and the, and the children. And so if I do that. You got to make the way for me to be able to do that.
Speaker #1
Yeah, and ultimately the Lord is our provider, right? So he is going to provide for our needs as we're following him, letting him lead us and guide us and speaking to us like of what we should be doing and prioritizing in our lives.
Speaker #0
So what are some things or what are some areas that you have struggled with prioritizing or like, hey, Terrell, we got all this stuff going. We'd love to hear about it. Put it in the comments. I'd love to hear and kind of see. you know, what your schedules look like or what are the activities or what are some of the things you got going on? Because it can feel and it can seem overwhelming. Yeah,
Speaker #1
absolutely.
Speaker #0
What are some things that you do to help you not feel overwhelmed as far as, you know, you work during the days, come home Saturday, you got a full day of laundry and house, playrooms, a mess, Sunday's church all day. For us, it's a long day. How are you coping or handling those things? Plus. you know, everything else.
Speaker #1
Yeah. I'm a planner girl. So I like to plan stuff out and actually brainstorm. Okay. What do we have going on? How can I schedule that in my day and kind of have a rough outline of, okay, Tuesdays I'm going to do laundry Wednesday, swim lessons or whatever that may be. And then I throw it in like an organization system to. kind of help me keep track of those activities. We also use a shared calendar. So any events that you need to know about and I need to know about are on a calendar that we can actually look at and base our days off of. That's really important because if you're running off one thing, I'm running off one thing, things are going to get messed up because we're not on the same page or we're not remembering everything. So that's a big one. And then I also do, I actually write down my to-do list a lot of the times too, because I'm just a visual person and pick my top three things of like, if I get these three things done today, you know, that's important. That'll make me feel like I've accomplished something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm starting to ask that to the children. I'm trying to ask you that, Hey, what three things do you want to accomplish today? You know, what is your plan for today? I asked him that this morning. Hey, what is your plan for today? What do you want to accomplish today? This, that, and the other. Okay, great. Did you even brush your teeth yet? So, you know. Those are things that can help you. And we'll wrap it up as far as what do you want to accomplish today? What do you want to accomplish this week? What do you want to accomplish this month, this quarter, this year? XYZ as a couple. And keep each other accountable for those things. And again, it's just the small things. If it's an emoji text, if it is just a cookie, a bag of M&Ms.
Speaker #1
Keep it simple, right?
Speaker #0
You know, some vegan bread. okay almond butter flourless cake whatever you guys do okay but just something that says and communicates i'm here hadn't forgotten you you're still in my life you're still in my thoughts yep i know it's busy right now you guys she's in you know taking a class or a course and she's studying up late on the computer hey i got you yeah you know here's here's a little thing
Speaker #1
of tea yep and one easy way to do that if you have decided i'm going to prioritize my spouse this month and i'm going to make intentional effort to do something every day. An easy way to do that is just add that to a habit that you're already doing. So every day, maybe you get a cup of coffee and that can be your reminder. Okay. Today I'm getting my coffee. Now I'm going to remember I'm going to do something for my spouse today. So what is that going to be while your coffee is going? Think of that specific task so that you have it on your mind that day or set it up with, you know, your morning routine. of reading a book or whatever you have that you do every day, attach that to a habit that you've already doing. And it'll remind you to be intentional with your spouse this month.
Speaker #0
There you go. So you don't, prioritizing your spouse doesn't mean I'm, it's like a seesaw. I'm putting somebody above and somebody's got to fall. It just means I'm incorporating and involving them in aspects of my life and including them. So they are part of what's going on. So hope that helped. Hope you got something from that. If you did give us a thumbs up, a like, and subscribe. But what do we want to talk to them about today?
Speaker #1
We want to let them know to be on the lookout for next month. We are going to have a relationship challenge coming up. And so it is going to be something you can join. And just like we talked about today, really just an intentional time. These things are going to be like 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes each day that they can do to really prioritize their relationship. So stay tuned for more info and details on that. But it's going to be fun and exciting.
Speaker #0
All these things go together. I know you may capture a podcast here or there, but these things go together. It's a umbrella of a three-step process to play it, pray it, plan it, and pursue it. And so you put those three things together, wherever your relationship is today, whatever state it's in, wherever you like or dislike, as you pray it out, as you plan it out, and as you pursue it out, you will see things come to focus. and come together because you can enjoy life in secret days and co-habitate and coexist with a person completely different from you that accomplished what God has for your life. So we pray that you get something from today. Let us know, comment, respond, and we can't wait to see what God does through you. Thanks for joining us today and we'll see you next week. God bless.
Speaker #2
Thanks for listening to the Home to Haven podcast. Did you get anything from today's topic? Are you ready to go even deeper in developing healthy communication with your partner? Download your relationship planning guide absolutely free. This monthly outline is a great starting point to reclaim control of the hustle of everyday life and ensure that your most meaningful relationship takes center stage. You'll have everything you need to accomplish and measure your goals. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship. And we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today. and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

View our Resources to Help Your Communication

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Christian Marriage Conversations | Using Communication to turn your Home into Haven

Hi friend, we’re Terrell and Jen—welcome to the Home to Haven Podcast!

If you desire a stronger, faith-filled Christian marriage, better communication, and deeper connection, you’re in the right place!

Each episode is packed with practical tools and faith-based strategies to help in your Christian Marriage. You'll:

Improve marriage communication and understanding
Navigate conflict with grace and biblical wisdom
Create a peace-filled, joy-filled home rooted in Christ
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual connection

Marriage is God’s design for Christians, and He desires for it to thrive in it! Join us as we explore how to build a Christ-centered relationship that reflects His love and purpose.

Let’s turn your home into a haven, one conversation at a time.

In Expectation,
The Turners

Social: @oakhavencompany

Join the Community!

Receive our weekly newsletter: The Haven for encouragement, communication tips, and the latest news. https://newsletter.oakhavencompany.com/inline

View our Resources to Help Your Communication