- Speaker #0
What is financial success? Is it all about dollars and cents? We think it's more about communication, trust, and having shared goals. Now, avoiding tough financial conversations can lead to tension and, of course, misunderstanding and even resentment within your relationship. So in today's episode, we're bringing down the three, kind of one, two, three most important money talks every couple need to have. So stay tuned. Let's get into it right now. Welcome to the Home to Haven podcast. We are so delighted that you have tuned in. You clicked on the thumbnail. You downloaded it on your podcast platform. This is your home for faith-filled content. It's going to help you communicate in your relationship. We are... the Turners, and we have now been married officially for 10 years.
- Speaker #1
We have. We've hit our first decade.
- Speaker #0
We have hit the first decade. Yes. So congratulations.
- Speaker #1
Congratulations to you. Thank you. Congratulations to us.
- Speaker #0
So we have been married for 10 years now. And so as we go forth today to have a conversation, if you get anything from the conversation, we always ask for a thumbs up and the help, the algorithm, push it out to more and more people just like yourself. So they can enjoy and get blessed by the content. So how are you doing?
- Speaker #1
That's right. Give us a rating and a review too, because that helps a lot. And we love to hear from you.
- Speaker #0
Absolutely.
- Speaker #1
Love to hear what you're enjoying.
- Speaker #0
We do want to hear. So drop that in the comments. If you have a question or not clear about something, comment, let us know. You can always email us at hi at okavencompany.com. We're going to dive right into it.
- Speaker #1
We are.
- Speaker #0
Because it's money matters. And this is kind of your.
- Speaker #1
This is one of my favorite things. Yeah. So I'm the numbers. finance type person. I love that stuff. So to me, it comes very natural. Other people, it doesn't come natural. You know, you might be in a relationship or one person's more strong in their area. One person's not. And so you kind of lean on each other, right. And really work through, but there are three financial things that all relationships need to discuss that will affect their relationship.
- Speaker #0
This is one of those hot button topics. Uh, finance is very, can be very difficult to talk through when you're dating, when you're married, because it's when you're dating a private or, you know, it's one of those vulnerable things.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
But you've got to talk about finances before you get married. You better have some deep conversations and you better also talk through continuously when you are married.
- Speaker #1
That's right. So,
- Speaker #0
um, what's the first one we got to talk about?
- Speaker #1
Yes. So the first one we're going to throw out there is all about debt. So do you have debt? What types of debt?
- Speaker #0
How was the amount of debt?
- Speaker #1
Right. Because,
- Speaker #0
you know, you definitely want to have that when you're dating. You've met someone. We got to have that conversation. We got to have it kind of early on. Right. And so I'm not saying, you know, first date, yo, what's your credit score? What's your portfolio credit score? But, you know, I'd say within three.
- Speaker #1
It's pretty important, right? Especially if. I think we talked about this a couple of weeks ago, just like on a date night or something, if it would have made a difference. All right. If I if we were dating and we were starting to reveal some of the more intimate details of our lives. Right. And you asked me or I revealed my debt and I would say, well, yeah, I'm about 300 K in debt. Like, would that have affected your outlook or your take on our relationship? Because it is super important, right? It's going to affect your future. both individually and also as a couple, because we do believe when you get married, finances are shared. So it's no longer yours and mine. It is shared now debt. So that is what makes it even more important because if you marry me and I have 300 K in debt, it's also yours. Yeah. So that's a big thing to talk through.
- Speaker #0
Yeah. Where's my stat? You moved it.
- Speaker #1
Yes. No, it's at the top, right under the very first line.
- Speaker #0
I do not see it. I still don't see it. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's important because you mentioned your debt becomes my debt. And I said, yes, that would have made a difference because the average household in America has about $10,000 in credit card debt. And for me, that's a debt that can be avoided.
- Speaker #1
Right.
- Speaker #0
Um, because. Some, if you don't have it, don't pay for it.
- Speaker #1
A hundred percent. Right. That's your outlook or your, I guess you would say opinion on debt.
- Speaker #0
That's my opinion. Okay. Yeah. Before the comments start blowing up, you know. Hey, our advice would be if you don't have the money in the bank and don't pay for it, we use credit as a extension of our debit card to get points and cash back and things like that. And so, you know, you're getting 21, 28, 31 percent interest on something when you're carrying that balance. And so the average person has 10K in credit card debt. If I marry you, well, now that comes and affects my buying power. If I've got an 830. credit score and I've got no debt and you've got a 420 credit score and 80k in debt, that's going to affect how we pursue a down payment on a house, whatever else is coming through it. So you've got to have the conversation of what's our debt? What's our plan of attack? Do we want to get out of debt? Do we love debt? Have those conversations because Money. You don't want money to be a shackle. You want me to be a tool.
- Speaker #1
That's right. And you're hitting all the top questions that I had right down that couples should really discuss when it comes to debt. So number one, what debt, what types of debt do we have? So there are student loans, which might not be seen as as bad. You have medical bills, like you mentioned, the credit card debt. So talk through what those types are and just be completely transparent, right? This is not the time to hide. It's not the time to just not mention that. Let's just, you know,
- Speaker #0
that's not important right now.
- Speaker #1
It's going to come up.
- Speaker #0
Don't, don't start the seat. And I was honest, yo, I can't count, you know? So if you can't do money, we have a problem. I, I'm not the one you want to be doing money. Gotcha. I never balanced. I'd spend, I look, I pull myself on the, yeah, I remember there's still enough in there. Okay, great.
- Speaker #1
Green. We're fine.
- Speaker #0
I don't know where it's coming from. I don't know how, yeah, it was green. So, right. That made you kind of like, well,
- Speaker #1
I'll take care of that.
- Speaker #0
But for me, it worked, but not for a couple.
- Speaker #1
A hundred percent. And then, like you mentioned, what are our individual attitudes and beliefs about debt? So do you see it as something to avoid at all costs? Right. We're not going to go into debt no matter what. Do you see it as a necessary tool for certain situations? Do you not care about debt? You're like, yeah, I want it. I'll buy it no matter what. So there are beliefs that each person will have coming into a relationship. And then, like you said, what's the plan to get out of debt? So if we do have some debt, what kind of plan are we working on? Should we prioritize paying off debt aggressively? Are we going to go after it really strong? Are we going to just take baby steps? Those are things that you really want to talk through. And then how are we going to communicate going forward when there's something might arise we're not planning for that puts us in debt? Or how are we going to talk through our habits going forward?
- Speaker #0
And I will say. Do not feel burdened if you have debt, you know, because there's a way out and don't feel like, oh, it's never going to get any better. So I might as well just let it ride, you know, but we would encourage you to be liberal in your giving and trust God with your finances because he has a plan for you, just like he has a plan for your marriage. You've got a plan for your finances and, you know, trust in him. And he will bless the work of your hands. So the second conversation you want to have is about saving, spending, and there it is, you're giving. So this is where I can talk through because, you know, typically somebody's going to be a spender and somebody's going to be a saver, a more frugal person. So what's that balance? What's going to be that compromise? What's going to be, let's do it up. And I work hard for my money. I deserve to use how I would. And you might be. Well, let's save it. Let's invest it. You know, and you're like, well, you only live once.
- Speaker #1
Right.
- Speaker #0
Exactly. So you've got to have the conversation. You've got to find out about that. And then, okay, how do we do this? If I want to go on a trip, do I got to sign out a requisition form or put in to get approved? Right. Right. By a spouse. Accounts payable. Yeah,
- Speaker #1
exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So what are those individual spending habits? or tendencies? Like, are you an impulse buyer? Are you just out shopping and, hey, I'm going to buy that. It's a great sale. I'm going to get it. Or is that something that we even set a limit of, hey, if it's over a hundred dollars, I would like to have a conversation before we put it on the credit card or something like that. So what are those current, that current like month to month spending habits that you have for your now household budget? Right.
- Speaker #0
Right. And I would encourage that, you know, we're not we're not financial gurus. This is not what we delve in our expertise is in communication. You know, can we give you some tips? Great. You can always ask us, but, you know, we all let the experts who deal with finance, let them talk about finances. We would say. So definitely have a joint account that demonstrates marriage and unity and oneness. But you can also have an individual account that says, like you said, okay, I'm going to put $100, $200, whatever it is, $20, whatever it is, a month in that account. Because you don't want to be like, well, hey, I want to buy a gum from Starbucks. Hey, babe, can I get some Starbucks today? I'm kind of hungry. You know, so we're not saying that, but you should be accountable to one another. And you having conversations concerning number one, again, what's our goals? What do we want to save? What are we working towards? And so that there is a unity and commonality and there is accountability that if I am a spender and I know this and you're more frugal and you can kind of keep us on track. Yeah. But I can also say, let's have a fun day. You know, we've, we've met some goals and, you know, we've, we've seen some increase. you know, let's enjoy the fruits of our labor, whatever it is.
- Speaker #1
That's right. So it's important again, to talk through, we're talking about the communication that needs to be there and those conversations that you need to have. Another big thing with budget is how are we going to track that stuff? Are we going to track everything that comes in, everything that goes out? Are we going to track our income and expenses like on a spreadsheet, or are we going to use an app or what kind of tools are we going to use? Should we both have access? Should one person just be doing it? Those type of little details that really end up mattering when it comes to finances.
- Speaker #0
Again, I would say you do not want to have anything hidden. I don't know if people carry wallets still. I still have a wallet, but you know, the secret compartments in the wall or whatever. But you want to have that shared access because you need to know all the bills. You need to know when they're. I don't care about that stuff. That's our our dynamic. Yeah, I could care less about the bills and what's doing when and how to pay what. Are we in the black this month? How much do we have left to this? You know, and I may give her direction on it. I feel we need to shift this here. I want to focus on this this month. Are there, I feel like we've been spinning a lot. Can let's look at this and let's put in a budget reducing a committee and let's slash this month or this quarter. So I'll do those things. But you need to know. how to pay the mortgage. God forbid anything ever happens. I don't want you to be in a place where you're lost or not knowledgeable of our process. The other finance conversation you guys should be having is about giving. If you are a follower of the word of God and a follower of Jesus, you know, the scripture teaches us to be liberal with our giving and again, to trust God with our finances and to trust and believe that your finances and God's hand will do more than it can in your own hand. And so have the conversation about your liberal giving and where you can be a blessing to the kingdom of God, your local church, missions, other people. There's various ways you can support the work of the kingdom and your giving and watch God do wonders with that.
- Speaker #1
That's right. And also keeping track of that, right? So like you were talking about, I have a spreadsheet. I keep track of all the bills. I do. how much we're tithing, everything has a category. And so I also have a tab on that spreadsheet of the bills that get paid every month, how to log in passwords, things like that. So those are pretty easy things to keep track of. If you have like a Google doc or something that you can share with each other. Um, and so that's how we kind of do it. I keep track of all the detailed things throughout the month. And then I might say to you, Hey, we have 200 extra dollars, where would you like that to be allocated to? Right. So I'm not just deciding those things by myself all the time. And we can kind of work together, right. As actually leads to our third thing is our future plans and expectations with our money. So to have that shared vision of where we're going, how we're going to use money, because ultimately money is a tool, right. That we have, and we need to be in alignment and having that vision of where we want our money to go.
- Speaker #0
You got to have a vision. You have to know where you're going, write the vision, make it plain. The scripture says money answers all things. And so have those discussions, dream big, and have those visions and dreams of where you want to go and allow God to give you the steps to get there, right? In all transparency, some of our biggest misunderstandings and miscommunications have been around finances. I'm not a finance person. I'm not a detail-oriented person. I'm more big picture. I'm more visionary. Jennifer is very detail-oriented. So she would come with money stuff, and I'm just like, I don't understand the process. I have no idea. The concept makes no sense to me. And you may, I don't know if you have an example, but you would say. whatever, and this, that, and the other. I might say, how much money is in this account? And then she starts going into this, well, this hasn't cleared yet, and this is still outstanding, and I'm waiting on this, and what you see here in the account is not this. But none of that stuff makes sense to me, and I would get frustrated because it doesn't make sense. What is the number? Don't tell me all this other stuff. Well, then. subtract, multiply, divide, whatever you got to do to give me the number that I'm asking for. Yeah. And so that was something that we had to talk through and get understanding. So now she knows what I need and she's able to get that to me so that we have direction and moving forward.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. So that's not so much of, again, the dollars and cents. It was more about how we were communicating and what Terrell needed to hear versus what I knew in my brain. So We may have had 10 grand in an account, but I would know, hey, there's a two grand bill for our next cruise that's coming out in two weeks. So I wouldn't technically count that we have those two grand. So really, we have eight grand. And you're just like, you're just like, I don't want to know the details. So, again, that was just working through our communication style and understanding each other's needs and ultimately getting to a point where we can communicate even better about it. So. Talking through those future plans, what your long-term financial goals are going to be when it comes to retirement, when it comes to your kids' education, college funds, things like that. How do you envision just your lifestyle in general? How much is it going to cost to live how you want to live? That's really important, right? And then also...
- Speaker #0
It's another thing. Somebody might don't care about those things and somebody may. You might be fine. with white walls and, you know, a picnic basket as a table. Right. And the other person wants, you know, a pottery barn in West Elm. Yeah. You know, and so you've really got to be able to have the conversations and die to self, as we've talked about, and have trust and really have trust. If you're dating, if you don't align on finances, if you don't align on, well. Success to me is a happy family. Success to me is healthy body. Success to me is Jesus in our hearts. And to you, success is I got to have a BMW.
- Speaker #1
Seven-figure income. And five figures. Yep, we're going on vacation. Right,
- Speaker #0
every week. You're probably not going to be alive. And you're going to run into tiffs and taps because you compromised. Right. And so either you compromise every time or you can't compromise once. Hold on to your beliefs. Right. So be open and be receptive to work together and walk together. Again, the first thing you got to do is where do we want to go? Yep. And how are we going to get there and agree? Because maybe for a season to everything, there's a season, time and a place. So maybe for a season, ladies, you're not getting your hair and nails done every single week because you got to pay off this bill. And there will come a season where you can get that done. But for right now, for the next three months, we're not buying anything, cutting subscriptions because we got to knock this out to get this goal achieved.
- Speaker #1
A hundred percent. So it's talking through those expectations. You might have different expectations. Again, you're going to have to have that compromise. You're going to have to be able to talk through with your partner because you're together, right? You're a unified team. So you, like you said, can't always have what you want all the time, every minute of the day, right?
- Speaker #0
It's called being single.
- Speaker #1
It's called being single. And that's another, like talking through the expectations of now you have a family, right? You may have kids, you may have extended family that you're helping out. And so that income potential as an earner for the family sometimes. women might want to stay home with the kids and that's an expectation they have. That's something that would then put a lot more pressure on the husband to bring in additional income. So talking through those either short-term and long-term goals and visions that you have are going to be extremely important because those things will come up. Those things will fester. Those things will cause, can cause division if you're not talking through those, communicating through those and getting on the same page.
- Speaker #0
A hundred percent. So I hope those things helped you and gave you some wisdom and some practical ways to have these conversations. If you got anything, give us that thumbs up. We do have a resource for you that I believe would be a blessing to you. It's called the five powerful prayers that every couple needs in those. One of the prayers covers your finances. And so it's important that again. Commit to the Lord, Proverbs 16, 3, one of my favorite verses. Commit to him your plans, your thoughts, and he will establish them. And so this will give you a blueprint, a guide, a starting point of things you need to be praying over your relationship every single day so that you can have the peace, love, and joy and the influence of the Holy Spirit in your relationship. Get it today. It's in the show notes. It's in the description. It's going to be awesome to you. And I do want to say that no matter where you are in your finances, right? If you are in a great place, a not so great place, a terrible place to not sit there and stress, not try to compete with the world and what you see on social media. If it's a bologna sandwich and some water, you know, have enjoy life. And again, see good days. Don't put that stress and pressure on yourself. But. but rest in God and know that he has your future in his hands.
- Speaker #1
I love it. So grab that download today. It will, I guarantee it will change your relationship if you're putting it in prayer every single day. So it's a quick download. We give you sample prayers, foundational scriptures, great place to start. So get it today.
- Speaker #0
Don't delay, tap it. Go ahead and put it on pause. Scroll down and get it right now. You'll be glad you did. Thanks so much for listening, for watching again. Give us a thumbs up. Give us that like. Give us that subscribe. But apparently give us that thumbs up. We greatly appreciate it. And we will see you next week where wisdom builds the house.
- Speaker #2
Thanks for listening. We hope you've learned something to help you grow in your relationships and received some practical ways to make your home a true haven. Now it's time to put what you've heard to use. We'd love to hear what you are doing. So connect with us on social and send a message. Search and find us at Oak Haven Company. on Instagram and Facebook. We also have resources for you, such as printables, devotionals, and helpful articles on our website at oakhavencompany.com. And we'd love to stay in touch with you with our exclusive offers, news, and content made only available to our email list members. Sign up today to receive Jen's free download pack and Terrell's confessional guide as our way of saying thank you. Click the join our email group link in the description. And again. Thank you for listening. We'll see you next week.
