Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Imagine this, you have a secret weapon in your relationship conversation. Yes, three simple phrases that when used properly, when they're said sincerely, can instantly make everything okay. Did you hear what I just said? Three phrases that build connection, diffuse tension, and reignite the spark in your relationship. Sounds too good to be true? It's not. We've discovered three. powerful phrases that transform communication, and they're not what you might expect. So in today's episode, we're revealing these game-changing phrases and showing you exactly how and when to use them that will create a deeper, more loving, and more understanding relationship. Are you ready? Let's go. Welcome everyone to the Home to Haven podcast. It's another fabulous, wonderful week here at Home to Haven. We are the Turners, and this is your home for faith-filled content that helps you communicate, helps you talk it out. in your relationship. If you get anything from today's episode, we're going to ask you up front to as soon as you hit that like button.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. Let us know what you think. Yes. Give us a rating and review. We would love that. We love to hear from you. Tell us what you like. Tell us what you're getting from the podcast.

• Speaker #0

  Right. Make it a family.

• Speaker #1

  Yes.

• Speaker #0

  We ask it because it really it makes everything new. We're a startup channel. So the more likes we get, you know, the rule. It helps the algorithm push it out to more people. That's right. That is our design. That is. So we are in the midst of putting out videos on our playlist. It's on the same channel. Yes. As Oak Haven Company at Home and Haven.

• Speaker #1

  Okay.

• Speaker #0

  But the playlist catches us when we're traveling and doing date nights and fun nights and family days and all these things. So right now we're in the middle of our Key West 10 year. Well, the. Alaska was 10 year trip, even though it was in year nine. But this is our summer.

• Speaker #1

  It's our anniversary couple getaway. But yes, our other, I guess, playlist, right, is kind of behind the scenes. Things we do for date nights, how we enjoy family time. So come along with us. Check out some of those videos.

• Speaker #0

  And if there are any suggestions like, hey, you guys should try this out.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, we'd love those. We like to try new things. Yeah, we've done a few. special dates and special restaurants. So yeah, tell us what we should try. If you guys have done some things that have been really fun for date nights or family time, let us know. We'd love to hear from you.

• Speaker #0

  That's right. All right. We're going to give you three powerful phrases that are going to always work in any conversation. You use one of these three phrases, it will change the course of that conversation and make sure you listen to all to the end.

• Speaker #1

  That's right.

• Speaker #0

  So you get all three. first one is I was wrong. I was wrong.

• Speaker #1

  I was wrong.

• Speaker #0

  I was wrong. No matter what you're having an argument about or a disagreement or a tiff or whatever, the phrase I was wrong will completely change that conversation.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. Imagine you're in the middle of something with your significant other. Yes. And all of a sudden you hear them say, you know what?

• Speaker #0

  I was wrong.

• Speaker #1

  I was wrong. I mean, just hearing that, right. Will completely change your attitude or how you're thinking about it. Now it might be hard for some people to actually say those three words. Don't you think?

• Speaker #0

  That's why we're talking about it because yes, you know, is for whatever reason, typically pride. Yeah. It's difficult to say I was wrong, but what it does is it takes accountability. Yeah. It tells the other person I recognize I made a mistake. And I hear what you are saying. I acknowledge it. And I'm owning that. You know what? I was wrong. Whether it was something you said, something that was done, something that was not done. You know what? Hey, I missed that. I messed up. I was wrong. So something along those lines will change the conversation and immediately diffuse.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  If it was hot and heated. Well, you know what?

• Speaker #1

  My fault. Yeah. And for me, it immediately puts the defenses down, right? So it's showing that the other person, or if you're the one saying it right, it is showing that humility and knowing the power of just being honest and having that humility and being able to say that to your partner is extremely powerful.

• Speaker #0

  I didn't like I'm sorry because we hear that a lot. OK. And a lot of times people like, well, are you really sorry? You know,

• Speaker #1

  even for me, I'm like, OK, so you're sorry. That doesn't change anything.

• Speaker #0

  Does it fix it?

• Speaker #1

  We talked about that once that different apology styles that people need. And so sometimes it's like you might be sorry, but are you going to do anything to fix it? Right. Whereas the this phrase, you know, I was wrong is is a bit different. Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Side note, because we were watching and we will. listening to a couple talk and he had lied before okay and um so the the girl keeps saying and the female keeps saying what am i supposed to believe you now yes and so he goes well anything i say nothing i can it's not my problem nothing i can say is going to make you believe so is that the correct way to handle that well and she was saying that literally because he had lied before and he he had lied repeatedly i will say that

• Speaker #1

  She was like, I can't believe anything you say. Right. Which do you think that is even valid in her opinion? Like, if you've lied to me multiple times, then I'm going to assume everything you say is a lie.

• Speaker #0

  I mean, if that's where you are.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  I would put it this way. I'm at the place now where it's very difficult for me to receive what you're saying because of the history of deception that we have.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. They need to rebuild the trust.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. My trust is so again, well, who talks like that? Well, that's why we're here. So before you just start spitting it out, process it and say, okay, here's what needs to be said. Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  Okay.

• Speaker #0

  Not just, well, I'm not going to believe, I don't believe anything you say with an attitude. Listen, I hear what you're saying. At the same time, it makes it very difficult for me to receive it and believe it because there's been a track record. of deception that you have, or that I have, that I've experienced with you instead of you, that I've experienced with you. And so therefore I'm not as easy to trust what you're saying because of that.

• Speaker #1

  Right. And in this case, you know, he was, he did say he was sorry.

• Speaker #0

  He said he's sorry. But again, I would feel, I would coach him on, all right, if this is someone that you really want to make this work. because he had tapped out. But if there's somebody who will make this work, you don't say, look what I can do to make you believe it. There is.

• Speaker #1

  Right. And you didn't say in this instance, you know, I was wrong. I did something that I shouldn't have. I want to rebuild the trust. Let's work towards a place where, you know, you can believe my word, right? That's totally a totally different conversation.

• Speaker #0

  And so I, and then say, I'm going to show you through my actions and make some adjustment. Right. So that you see that what I'm saying. is genuine. I know that in the past I was not upfront and honest because of fear. However, we've had a conversation and then that's gone. And I know not to do that. So moving forward, here's what I've adjusted so that doesn't happen again. That's how you communicate and take ownership and give confidence to your spouse, especially your female spouse that Cause she needs that.

• Speaker #1

  The opportunity to, yeah. Rebuild the trust and build those. It's going to take time and those baby steps, but that's a different way to communicate than he was before. Just.

• Speaker #0

  I'm kind of leading this one today because this is my topic.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. I love it.

• Speaker #0

  All right. So the first, again, the first phrase you can say in any conversation is, Hey, I was wrong. The second phrase you want to use is I'm listening.

• Speaker #1

  Okay.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. So as you're talking and sharing whatever, I'm nodding my head. I'm listening. Okay. Hey, can you say it one more time? I am listening to you. I'm trying to get it. Can you repeat that one more time? I'm listening. Okay. And it's just encouraging your partner to continue giving them the nod and the pat on the back. Yes. You're doing great. I'm listening to what you're saying. I'm trying to fully understand so that we're on the same page. So incorporate that into your vocabulary of, yes, I'm listening.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And that the way he was saying it right is showing the other person that they're not just hearing your words, but they're actually listening with empathy or for understanding. It's more than just. The act of, yes, I hear your words that you're saying, but no, I'm really listening to actually understand what you're trying to convey. And I'll try to relay that back to you so we can be on the same page.

• Speaker #0

  And we're saying it without them saying, are you listening to me? Yeah, I'm listening. Okay. That doesn't count.

• Speaker #1

  That doesn't count.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. So it is on your own saying, yeah, okay, that's good. I like what you're saying. I'm listening.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Keep going. Yeah. Okay. I'm listening. Right. And it's just that positive reinforcement that as Jennifer is sharing with me, especially if it's something that she's nervous about or she's kind of apprehensive about, you know, go ahead, sweet. I'm listening. Okay. And I'm not interrupting. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Keep going. I'm listening. Yeah. Even if I don't agree. Okay. I'm listening.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And those times that you've done that and like you're even, I know some people that are watching on YouTube can actually see what you're doing, but you're looking. you know, in my eyes, right? We're making eye contact and your, your facial expression is, you know, loving and open. And so what that's doing for me is creating a safe space, especially like Terrell mentioned, if I'm struggling getting words out or I'm struggling, you know, sharing a deep feeling that I have, that's just affirming me like, Hey, you're listening, you're actually listening for understanding and you're there. supporting me as well. So that's extremely helpful in those situations.

• Speaker #0

  100%. You know, here's a, I probably shouldn't say this. I'm not using psychology. You could, but one of the things that you, you learn in sales is, well, if you're a good coach, but when you go to sign the contract, when you go to ask for the sale, you know, Hey, so are we going to move forward in today's car? Are we going to move, move forward the contract? You shake your head.

• Speaker #1

  Oh, so you're like already. So you're giving them,

• Speaker #0

  I'm giving you a verbal cue and not verbal cue. All right, great. Everything sounded great today. So will we be moving forward with the sale today? And I'm shaking my head, right? And so those are the tips that if, you know, you're at the car dealership or, you know, the furniture store, look up for those things.

• Speaker #1

  That's a side tip, right?

• Speaker #0

  That little side tip. But I can put that in my application, not as a manipulation for my wife, but as Okay, let me shake my head towards her, what she's saying and not an affirmation as I say, yes. Right. It's just a, it's a nonverbal to my verbal. Yes.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. You're not like, yeah, I'm listening. I'm listening. Right. You know, looking away or crossing your arms or something like that. Your nonverbal cues are also matching what words are coming out of your mouth.

• Speaker #0

  All right. The final phrase, hope you get, hope you get in these things. The first one was, I was wrong. The second one was, I am listening. third one is I truly love you. I didn't want her to say, I love you.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. That's not good.

• Speaker #0

  Everybody says, I love you. I love you. I love you. Bye. Bye. I love you. Love you. Hey, love you. I truly love you. Then that kind of hit differently.

• Speaker #1

  It's different than just, you know, love you, babe. It's like, I truly love you. Right. There's, there's emotion behind that. There's more than just the surface level. Like you said, we do say, I love you to a lot of different people. Right. But how often do you say and look somebody in the eyes?

• Speaker #0

  I truly love you.

• Speaker #1

  Right.

• Speaker #0

  Oh, dang. This little butterflies down your spine. Yeah. Right. So it just hits differently. It's like, okay, that's different. I don't hear that a lot. Yeah. She means that. Yeah. He means that.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. So that's a phrase you can use that would change and pivot a conversation. Or when you're, when you're having a small talk. Hey, dinner was great today. I really appreciate that. Well, thanks. You know, you know what? I truly love you. And then she'll probably stop washing dishes and, you know, right. Because it's different. It hits and it just lets that person know I am recognizing you. I am acknowledging you in this moment. And I'm not just taking you for granted. This is another I love you.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. And I know we've talked about this a lot in our relationship because it hits both of us differently. But in times of conflict or something where it's not completely eye to eye, I will say, but I love you, right? Like, you know, we're working through this or we might disagree about something, but I'm like, I love you. You know, like it makes a difference. And you're kind of like, well, what's love got to do with it? You know, like, what does love have to do with it?

• Speaker #0

  It's numbers. I love you. Okay. No, you're, you messed up. Stop.

• Speaker #1

  Right. But to me, that makes a big difference. And so if we're in, you know, conflict resolution, working through something and you stop and pause, you know, and we're not. We're not quite getting there. But if you stop and pause and say, look, I truly love you. I'm ready to work this out with you or whatever. That pause when you're saying I truly love you actually makes a huge difference to me because I I need somebody in my relationship to love me because to me, love matters a lot. So that is really important to me. It might not mean as much to you in those times, but for some people, that's that's. an extremely important thing to hear especially when you're working through harder times it helps you i i'm working on receiving love am i words of affirmation sort of it just i i have a problem receiving it sometimes yeah i think you like to hear it um but it's kind of accepting that it's true yeah and letting it really soak in or without deflecting it or making a joke about about um to actually Oh, they really mean that. And it's actually really true. It really is true.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. I don't believe it's true. Yeah. We're working through that. Yeah. One of the things before we leave today, I have a few extra minutes, was I wanted to give an example because this happened earlier this week of conflict. And our conflict isn't like shouting matches. Our conflict is like little minute things. I was putting something in the computer and I didn't want to. read the whole thing. It was two numbers. I needed a confirmation number and then a program number, whatever it was. I said, Hey, can you read these to me? Can you read the confirmation number and then the program number? And Jenner starts reading out numbers 1, A, B, 3, 7, 7, 1, 4, 8. I'm like, that ain't right. I'm like, okay, which one is the program number? Which one's the reference number? This is the reference number. Well, why didn't you tell me reference number after you finished reading? The other number, he didn't say anything.

• Speaker #1

  And my version of the story is I said the number, it was all numbers, and then it was B1. And I paused and you said- How am I supposed to know? You said B as in boy. And I said, yes, B, or you were trying to make sure I said B. Yes. The letter B. And I was like, yes, B and then one.

• Speaker #0

  But at no point did you say, okay, that was the first number. Now here's the reference.

• Speaker #1

  I did not. I did take a pause. Because I was also assuming, which is bad, but I was assuming that what the space that you were putting the code in would only have, like, usually you get a five digit code. There's five spaces. Right. And then you move on to the next line. So I was assuming the code that I or the number I was giving you would fit in that line and then you'd be moving on to the next one. So bad for assuming. Right. But then how did you respond?

• Speaker #0

  I don't remember. I was frustrated. It took me off.

• Speaker #1

  Yes. Yes. So you didn't use any of the phrases. And that conversation, neither did I. Right. You were just frustrated about it. But that was an example of working through conflict. We probably didn't do the best job that time. Right. But again, it was a smaller thing. But if you don't.

• Speaker #0

  kind of work through the smaller things when you get to bigger things right it makes it even harder that's like our tips like that's that's pretty much as quote unquote bad as it's going to get you know and that's just kind of our relationship but again unless we don't i feel like sometimes if we don't if i don't bring it back up you may let it a hundred percent yes that's my you let it marinate it's my downfall something i need to work on absolutely and that'll compile And then all of a sudden, I'm like, what's wrong with you? Why are you chippy today? You all right?

• Speaker #1

  I feel like the 20 things you did to me.

• Speaker #0

  So, yeah, let's not let that happen.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  All right. So we hope, Ray, that you got something from that. It was three phrases. Yes. That will change every relationship. Hope you got something from that. Give us that like, that thumbs up, that subscription, that review. You know what to do. Help us reach more people just like you. If you have some phrases that you would like to recommend, put them in the comments. We'll trip back. So the three phrases that you need. How about five powerful prayers that every relationship needs? That's a freebie we have for you. It's a beautiful three-page colorful PDF download that's exclusively for you that we've put together. to some prayers that you can pray over your spouse, over yourself, over your relationship with the prayer, the scripture, the reference, and kind of why this is a good prayer.

• Speaker #1

  Absolutely. So again, this is a freebie, so you can get it today and start praying those prayers. Starting today, right? And I guarantee you that it will change your relationship. If you spend time praying in the word, setting that atmosphere, it will result in positive changes, right? So again, we have the scriptures for you, sample prayers, and the topics that we recommend that you pray for your relationship.

• Speaker #0

  That's right. So just scroll down to the show notes or in the description on YouTube. It's the first link, a free resource. And tap that, get that today. You can also look at some, our playlist we mentioned about Travel with the Turners. Get some lighthearted stuff and see us as we have our date nights and family nights. Again, thank you all so much for inviting us into your home, into your car, into your life, spending time with us today. We really appreciate it. We're so very grateful for every listener and for every, every viewer as we march towards episode 100. Getting close. Getting so close. So again, thank you so much. We'll see you next week. And remember, wisdom builds the house.

• Speaker #2

  Did you get anything from today's topic? Do you want to build your home into a haven and have a peaceful atmosphere? Then take the first step and download your home prayer guide absolutely free. You'll find scriptures and prayers that pertain to the most common areas of your home life, from communication to finances, along with explanations of each topic. You'll have everything you need to speak the promise and not the problem. And did we mention it's free? Look for and click the link in the description. Our mission is to assist couples in their relationship communication so that they can build a haven of peace and love. Friend, you can have a fulfilling relationship, and we hope today's topic provided tools that will help you experience the fullness of a faith-centered relationship. So connect with us on social. and send a message. Find us at Oak Haven Company on all social media platforms. We also have additional resources available to assist you on your journey. So visit oakhavencompany.com today and discover even more tools for success in your relationship communication. Again, thank you for listening. And remember, wisdom builds the house.