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• Speaker #0

  Hey, welcome to Beyond Defense, A New Way to Live, a podcast where we look at different strategies to create the life we want. Enjoy the episode. Hey, welcome to the second episode of Beyond Defense, A New Way to Live. My name is Marc-André Rysk, and I'm very happy to be talking to you again. And I have to admit, as I start the second episode, that someone made a comment to me about... the uh the first episode and even the second one that i recorded and so this is going to be the official second episode but i had recorded another one before that and she was just telling me how i sounded so serious in my uh recording uh and she just uh very kindly said that i i could be more natural and um and so i i thought about it for for a while and then i figured you know what She's white. And the reason why I do this podcast is to help out for sure, but also to have some fun. And whatever I teach you guys, I want to apply to my life as well. And I certainly recognize the want to go beyond defense in my own life. And so that's why I'm starting the second episode by letting you guys know about this. Because I noticed that in the first recording of the second episode that you all here, I could hear and someone else did too. You could hear the seriousness, which is a means sometimes to defend ourselves. And like, who is it? The Joker, I think, said in one of the Batman movies, why so serious? So as I start this second episode, I'm sharing this with you so that you can hopefully maybe see in your own life. If that's... Some part of the truth for you sometimes, some part of your defense system where you become serious. I remember the, not one of the, but the very many times that I, when I first started speaking, doing public speaking, which is back in 2011, my first conference. And I've been doing it ever since in different ways. But I was very serious at the beginning. And sometimes when I find myself, let's say, in front of a new group, or maybe the first few minutes are a bit more serious than my usual self. And it's not that I don't have a serious side, that we don't have a serious side. But when we use it because there are fears behind, it's a defense mechanism. And so hopefully you can catch yourself as I'm talking about this, maybe in the last week, maybe in the last year, maybe in the last few years where you've noticed that you become so serious sometimes. And one of the reasons for that, not one of the reasons, it's the main reason is, as we talked about in the first episode, the main wound behind that, the main suffering is always rejection. We're afraid of being rejected. It's the core of our inner suffering. We got to get over that in order to feel fulfilled and live a good life, live the life that we want to live. And so it's always because we want to defend something. We're afraid of being rejected. And we become serious because we're afraid of looking ridiculous, right? If we have this joyful, light side about us, like if we're lighter, if we're, and I'll speak for myself in this podcast. And in the second episode, the first one I shot or I recorded, it's like, I was afraid that if I let my guards down, right? And so if I step out of defense, I'm not going to be. taken as seriously about what I'm talking about and people are going to laugh at me and say what's the use of this podcast and so many different things that people could think about me and I could see what I what would I be afraid of I would I'd be afraid of being called out being seen as ridiculous and useless and with no depth And that's one of my big fears, like being seen as someone who's just on the surface, superficial, right? No depth to it. And if there's one thing I know about me, if you're in my close circle, you know that I have depth. If we've worked together before, you know that I go deep. So it's a silly fear, but it's still there, right? And so I have to come to peace. And this is why I re-recorded the second episode. It's to come to peace with that superficial side of me sometimes. right that fear of appearing superficial and try to see if if you don't have that as well that you become serious sometimes in the professional or personal context context because you have that fear of being maybe seen as someone who's not as deep as you really are right as maybe you're afraid of being superficial and maybe you're afraid of and what's your word right of being something so just look at a situation when you were serious beyond what was necessary or natural to you and try and pinpoint what the fear is All right, so that's the beginning of the second episode. We start strong, I find, but I think it's a practical advice that you can apply to many different situations. And being serious is certainly a defense mechanism when we're in reaction to fear. All right, so this second episode, what I want to cover is the importance of the feminine energy. And we started talking about it in the first episode. When I said in order to live beyond defense, you first have to want that because it works that way in nature. It works that way in life. It works that way inside of you with your divine energy. It's always the feminine energy first, then the masculine energy. If you're someone who's wondered, is it the chicken or the egg that came first? It's the feminine energy that came first. And so we're going to look at the importance of that again today. I put the emphasis on that in the first episode. I said, you got to want to heal. You got to want to live beyond defense before you're able to transform your defense system, which we call ego, into something else, into energy that you can use towards creating what you want. So it's very important. Need I say it again? It's very, very important that you focus on your desire first. And there's so many beliefs that you may have learned. since you were young we live in the western world anyway but i'm pretty sure in the uh orient as well in the on in the east side that desire has a bad rep wanting what you want has a bad rep right wanting things no that's not what your existence is about it's a you shouldn't want certain things or or be careful you can want certain things but uh uh when it starts uh you know affecting other people then it's the wrong desire right there's a lot of beliefs that go around what we can or cannot desire and the truth is you can desire whatever you want and so long as you don't let something that you want exist within you first even before you take action it's going to be complicated to take action it's going to be complicated to make it happen in your life and so that's why the second episode the importance of the feminine energy The importance of wanting freedom from your defense system before you take action to make it happen. The importance of wanting freedom over security, in the words of Dan Sullivan. And now I go back to the first book that I recommended to you in the first episode, Wanting What You Want by Dan Sullivan. Have you read it yet? Have you listened to it yet? Don't tell me you didn't have the time. I mean, it's an hour audio book, which means an hour and a half to two hours. of reading time. I mean, he conceived and wrote that book for very busy people, especially business people. But if you're not in business, who cares? Because it's a book that's going to talk to you. It's a book that is so important for you to get how to heal from the rejection wound, even if he doesn't talk about rejection in his book. It's all about that. It's all about getting over that wound, not over it, through it, transform that wound. to create the life that you want so back to the feminine energy back to wanting back to giving yourself the right to want what to want to live beyond a defense system but more than that i'll use the words of dan sullivan again wanting freedom over security and security is what for us human beings inwardly psychologically what are we talking about freedom over security The security we've gained over the years is through ego. We've built an ego and we've become attached to ego and you cannot live free and fulfilled and happy and energetic like we talked about in the first episode so long as you've got your ego there and so long as you're attached to your ego. And in future episodes we'll get into what ego is and how you can recognize it and how you can recognize in different attitudes and behaviors that you have your defense system. but that's not useful so long as have you listened to me in the last few minutes so long as you don't desire first to know what ego is to get out of ego to want to live Free to get over that need of the wounded child, that need for security. You want freedom and you want to get rid of that need for security. And I'll give you a very nice image of how we're attached to our ego today. And it comes from the movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks. It's a movie that came out in the early 2000s. Maybe you've watched it before. Maybe you haven't seen it yet. If not, it's a beautiful movie too. So why don't you go ahead and have some fun and watch that movie. If you've seen it before, maybe it's been a long time. If you want a clear image of this attachment that we have to ego, I recommend it. I recommend it by clients often. It's a story of a guy who his plane crashes and he gets he's the only survivor and he's stuck on an island in the middle of nowhere he doesn't know where he is and he's going to have to stay there for years and alone on the island eventually he finds a volleyball that becomes his best friend. As we probably all would if we were about to go crazy being alone for so long. We'd make friends with basically anything. So that volleyball becomes his only friend for many years. And eventually that guy wants to leave the island. Wants to regain the mainland. Hopefully. So he builds a raft. And on this new expedition that he's going to go on, once he leaves the island, he's going to bring his volleyball with him. Of course. It's his best, newly best friend. So the day comes when he has to leave the island and it's a rough ride and when he finds himself away from the island and at sea there are going to be storms at sea and eventually there's one big one that hits him so hard that his raft is almost completely destroyed and he loses his volleyball. He loses his best friend over the last few years. Why do I talk about this movie and especially this scene when I'm talking about you've got to want to live beyond a defense system, freedom over that security, ego has become our security. So not only did he lose his best friend, but what I'm talking about this is I find it's a nice image of, it's very difficult in the movie, it's a very touching scene when he loses the ball. You've got to realize that you've got to lose your best friend in a way. Ego is not our enemy, right? We've created it. But you've got to lose it in order to live free. And one of the first and most important desire that your soul has is to live free, to be who you are, right? I can't count anymore how many times I've heard this over the years in workshops and conferences I give. And the people that I've coached and counseled, how many times they said, I just want to be myself, right? So the freedom to be who you are, that's what we want, right? In order to be able to live that way, you've got to let go of that best friend. You've got to transform the energy of your ego into something that's useful to create what you want. You've got to let it go. And no one can make that decision but you. And it's not about a one-time decision. It's like something that you're going to have to choose over and over again. Do I go back to my defense system? Do I go back to my ego? Or do I choose something else? But in order to choose something else, you have to have the fire within, a strong desire to move beyond that. to really get free. And in order to really take action to get free, you have to want that. And so that's why I talk about Castaway in that scene, because we see how heartbreaking it is when he loses the ball. And it's not just a movie. He made friends with that volleyball when he felt the loneliest in his life. When we created ego as children, when we did that, when we created our defense system, it's the moments in our lives when we felt the loneliest, when we felt all alone. That's why we created ego. We were hurt by a certain situation, by someone's comment, by whatever it was. We were hurt and we didn't know what to do with that hurt. And we didn't know how to talk about that hurt. We didn't know how to get out of it. We felt so alone. And so we said... this needs to stop how do i get out of that and so we started building what we call the ego today a defense system to help us to stop feeling so hurt sometimes because back then we didn't know what to do with the hurt but the question is is are you sure That today you wouldn't know what to do with the hurt if it came to you, or when it'll come to you? Are you sure that ego would be the only response possible for you? So in order, obviously, to go there, you're going to have to become conscious when ego gets there. Remember first episode, the importance of consciousness over awareness. It's not enough to just know that we have an ego awareness. You've got to become conscious when it's active in your life. In the very situation where it's active, for you to change something about it. But for now, just to realize, we've built it when we felt at our loneliest. And so that's why the detachment from it, the transformation of it is so hard today because we are so afraid that we'll be alone. It's the fear of the child, the wounded child within. but that child's got to grow that child you have to realize it's only a part of you that wounded child you are no longer that child and you the adult can help now that child grow and growth will come through healing And as we saw in the first episode, healing will come through creating. Creating means something new. Creating something else that doesn't exist today. A life where you are free. In order to do that, you've got to transform ego. Because what we know now, these days, is a life with our best friend, ego. That's got to change. And I go back to the movie. there's got to be a decision made where you willingly decide to move past your defense system the desire to be free over the desire for security and unfortunately for us today we feel secure most of the time and safe using our past experiences And using our best friend from the past that is unfortunately running a lot of our lives today. Our defense system. So I don't know if that makes any sense to you. I'm hoping it does. I had many other things I wanted to say in the second episode. But you know what? I'll keep them for another episode. I feel like this is complete in and of itself. I spoke at the beginning of the importance of the feminine energy. And so maybe I can wrap this episode up with this now. The feminine energy is the energy within us that desires things. As soon as you kill the desire, you kill the divine energy within you that speaks through the feminine. The divine energy is both the feminine and the masculine energy. The feminine desires, the masculine accomplishes what the feminine desires. That's how it works. But in order to take action, the feminine comes first. And we'll get into more of the feminine masculine energies in future episodes. But for now, it was just to recognize the importance of honoring that energy within you, honoring the desire. And at the core of all of our desires has got to be that desire to be free. in order for you to move towards healing, to have enough energy. energy that you'll need to move past your hurts to heal and to create what you want you're going to have to allow yourself the desire to live free and that's why the feminine energy the also important importance of allowing that energy to flow freely within you So for now, nothing to do. Maybe just to notice, if you're allowing yourself that feminine energy within, does it flow freely? Do you allow yourself to desire to want things? And especially with what we've talked about in the first two episodes, do you feel that desire to go beyond defense? Do you allow yourself that desire to go beyond defense? And do you allow yourself that desire? to live free to be free to move beyond all the past beliefs hurts wounds and the defense system that you've put in place since you were a kid can you feel that because that's what you need to work on feeling that desire first Let that energy become alive within you. Let the fire burn within you so that it can bring you naturally to action eventually. All right, so that's it for this second episode. Thank you very much for listening. I hope it helps you. I hope it speaks to you. I hope it resonates with you. And we'll keep working on that in the next episode. All right, talk to you soon. Thank you.