Speaker #0Hey, this is Marc-André Rysk. Welcome to Beyond Defense, A New Way to Live, a podcast where we look at strategies to create the life we want. Enjoy the episode. Hey, welcome to the fifth episode of Beyond Defense, A New Way to Live. Glad to be back after a break, a summer break, for the fifth episode, the first of a series of three episodes where we're going to look at... how to exit from ego and in this part one i want to cover a very simple yet not necessarily easy way to get out of our ego what we call our defense system and i wanted to resume our work together with this because in the last episode we saw together the five steps to creating ego and so once we've become aware of how we've built it and that we have an ego um and in previous episodes we saw how it makes us suffer to live in ego well it makes sense to now cover some ways some means to get out of it so i hope you're ready for a promising fall i know it might not look like that out there in the world these days so let's look at what we can do about that today all right so the first thing uh first means i want to recommend you uh today in order to get out of our defense system is like I said simple and what I want to address in this episode is the simplicity of it but also the difficulty of it so the fastest way maybe to get out of ego the quickest way the simplest way maybe is uh are you ready for it coming up now drum rolls it's about your ability to say that you are hurt when you are in reaction to something so let me say that again the first thing that i want to cover with you it's not necessarily the first thing that you can do but that's the first part in this series of three on exiting ego so the first thing i'm talking about with you guys is simply to say when you're in reaction to something or someone in your environment, to say, or at the very least acknowledge consciously to yourself, that if you're in reaction to it, to someone, to something, you are hurt. That's it. So let's address the simplicity of it and the challenge, the difficulty of it. So let's start with the simplicity of it. It's so simple that you might overlook it. And then trust me when I say this, it's not that simple. I'm talking about personal experience and in my professional experience. It's probably one of the hardest things to say. So it's not because it's simple that it's a simplistic mean. There's a lot of power in simplicity. Three words. I. am hurt three words that can get you right out of ego and if you can't in the moment get out of your ego at the very least when you are able to say that uh it shows that you're conscious of the reaction that is taking place right now and um that ability to just call it as it is you being hurt in that moment. shows you and the people around you that your conscious your defense system is up right you're in reaction to something now the reason why that this means is important and if you go back to the last episode what i'm talking about with you is part two or step two of constructing ego remember the first step to building ego is um Um, it's just it's you're doing good right you're doing well things are going the way you want to uh you're aligned with what you want to create right that's step one it says there's no ego there's no hurt no suffering no nothing it's just life and the moment is happening in alignment with what you need what you want and things are good and then something happens in your environment where that... thing you want, need, or that desire of your heart, something happens where you're kind of pulled away from it. for whatever reason and so what we saw in the previous episode is step two of constructing ego is when that happens it's gonna hurt right you're gonna suffer from that and what we saw in the previous episode is we built ego when we were kids so and that hurt what took place because ego is He's not a... I don't want to say it's not a sophisticated means to live in the world today because it's complicated. Sometimes ego has so many branches but it's ego is not a beneficial to us today. It might have been when we were younger to survive our environment, to survive the hurt, the suffering that was within but what took place before we on the way to building ego is that hurt that feeling of suffering was rooted in us and it started growing roots within us whether it was rejection whether it was betrayal about something whatever the hurt was the suffering was what took place when we built ego because we don't build ego necessarily because we're hurt so when we're in reaction to something And if we're hurt and we can recognize it, we don't automatically go into ego. I want to be clear about that. But what we've learned to do and that's taken place today, like unconsciously, we usually we're not aware of it. And I'm going to go into that in a little bit when I talk about the second thing I want to address about this means, which is the difficulty, the challenge of putting that into practice. so when we're um When we're hurt, what I was saying is we don't automatically go into ego, but what we've learned is, and that's what we saw in the previous episode, there are five steps to constructing ego. So usually what takes place is we're hurt and we're afraid. Anyway, when we were younger, we were afraid that that hurt was going to keep on going over time. And so that's why after that, we went into step four and five of building ego, which is making a decision and then putting a soldier in place, what we call a belief. to make sure that the suffering never happens again obviously it doesn't work you can't live a life on earth as a human person and never experience pain right there's pain physically or there's pain psychologically emotionally mentally um so that pain is natural what isn't is the to go through it uh on a consistent basis like so where pain turns into suffering Long-term suffering. That's what ego does. So if we want to get out of ego, which is a system that has us create what we don't want, and more than that in a minute. So if we want to step out of that system that has me creating what I don't want, I need to recognize that what's going on today when I'm in reaction to something, there's something happening where I react to someone or something because I am hurt. step two of constructing ego. So long as we are not able to recognize that, to say it, or at the very least to acknowledge that to ourselves, we won't be able to deconstruct ego and choose something different. Choose something that's aligned with what we want to create. The next time something similar to what we're facing in that moment happens. So a minute ago I said I said I'd cover with you guys why ego has us creating what we don't want. I remind you step three of five to create ego is fear. When I'm in reaction to something, when I'm reacting to something, I am no longer in command. What is ego? Now, I'll give it to you. It's like we're so used to living with ego today that we don't even know the difference between me, who we are, and ego. And we're so associated with our defense system, so identified with it, that we are convinced that we are our beliefs. We are that system that is running us and the world that is anchored in right and wrong, good and bad. We are so associated with that. that we don't even make the difference most of the time. but one thing you can be sure of is if you're in ego you're in fear and if you're in fear and acting in ego so in fear what do you think you're going to get for a reaction a reaction so if i'm acting out of fear the result of that can only be the fruit of my fear so whenever i'm in ego i am creating what i don't want my energy is not at the right place and wherever you put your energy your attention that thing grows all right so again the the means in this episode is what to exit ego is learn when you're in reaction to someone or something in your environment learn to recognize when you're in reaction to it you are hurt Simple. Not simplistic. Simple. And now let's take a look at what may be not so easy to put in practice. So let's look at the challenge of that, the difficulty of putting that in practice. So many things we could say about that. When I say not so easy, I don't know if you've ever heard this, but we... teach what we need to learn the most and so it's funny to me that i'm uh i'm recording this episode today uh talking about uh learning to call it like it is and when we're in reaction when we're in ego uh we are hurt um a couple of weeks ago i had an argument with one of my good friends um and it took me about a week to get out of my reaction mode completely right didn't take that long to just take a step back but really to just um not be bad at him anymore, not be judging or blaming him anymore. It was a pretty solid argument. So it took me about a week. And so we talked about it afterwards. But I'd say it took me about two weeks to fully take responsibility for what took place or for my reaction or for my hurt. And the reason why I say this means it's so important, And it's the challenge of it is so, um, big sometimes I don't even think to that friend I don't even think I mentioned to him that when I was reacting to him that it was because I was hurt and just I've been teaching this for years and it's just when I was preparing for the for this episode and seeing what we were what I was going to talk about to you guys I was like man I was thinking about examples in my everyday life and I was that's probably the biggest thing that happened the last couple of weeks, the biggest argument maybe, where my ego is really at the forefront. And I didn't even think about sharing that with him. So I think I will this week. Not I think, I will this week for sure. So anyway, so why is it challenging? You've probably heard before of people either calling you out on your ego or you've called out... called out someone on their ego and it might even be um someone that you're not close to uh like in your immediate environment like maybe if you watch uh the news the politics these days or um watch a show reality tv or something like maybe you're in contact with or you in your immediate environment or you watch um something and then you see someone has a big ego right So it's easy to, well, easier, I'd say, to call someone out and say, and see their ego. But when I'm talking about how challenging it is for us to just, when we're an ego, when we're in reaction to something, we're an ego. So when we're an ego, to just recognize that we're hurt. When's the last time you saw someone, let's say with a big ego, see through the... illusion but no let's just say see through the ego to see that that very person is acting the way they are with their big ego because they are hurt when is the last time you had that reflection let's take an example that a macro example trump whatever your beliefs are or your views are on him he's seems to be very polarizing these days and almost every day making the news so It's someone that you'll hear often people comment on his big ego. How often in the last, let's just say in the last month, or even in the last year since he got reelected, have you heard someone say, big ego, so big hurt behind? Oh, how Trump must be hurting inside. Think about it for a second. Did you ever hear that? So while... That's a macro example. Let's take it back to micro your life, right in your everyday life when you were last in reaction to someone in your environment when you made amends or went back to resolve the issue the argument when's the last time you Took time to say that if you reacted a certain way, so in ego with your defense system when's the last time you said that you reacted that way because you were hurt. Not because of what the other person said, not because of their position or their behavior or whatever, the position they had in a certain argument or the way they acted or what they said, but just simply acknowledge that the way you reacted was because you were hurt. And it doesn't take a big thing. Don't wait for it to be a very dramatic event or traumatic event as soon as you're reacting to something out there so that means triggered emotionally by something out there you can be sure your ego is at play that's why you're reacting and if your ego is reacting as we saw in the last episode you're hurt whether you're conscious of it or not which brings me to my next point how can you put that simple helpful means to practice if you are not sensitive to yourself that brings me to talk about the importance of bringing the focus back on you but that's going to be very hard why because there's almost a worldwide belief that's been spreading for i don't know how many years And look within you to see how you have that belief, how it speaks to you, how it talks to you in your own head. But the belief is that what? Thinking about you is thinking about yourself is selfish, right? Self-centered. But you cannot resolve an argument if you are not a bit selfish in that way, self-centered. If you are not sensitive to yourself when you're reacting to something out there. The reason why ego was built is because we were hurt in the first place. And if we're reacting, triggered emotionally by something out there today, clearly it's because there's something unresolved in our past. If, and I said that at the beginning of this episode. I asked you, are you ready for a promising fall, the season we are in now? And maybe you're not in for that, or you'd like to be, but you have a hard time thinking that it could be a promising fall because of the way the world looks these days. The world is manned by children. How do I know this? So if you don't think it's a promising world we're living in, you're probably seeing a lot of... hurt out there a lot of fear right so these days most of the world is run by fear what's another way to say this ran by ego when did we construct ego oh yeah between zero and seven years old or zero and ten years old when we were born until we were about ten wow okay we're still using ego today so when we're reacting to something out there Our childish, I could say, system takes over, what we call the defense system, what we call ego. So out there, the world is run by fear right now. So it means it's run by ego. So it means it's run by a childish dish system. But out there is a reflection of what's within. So really the world out there is just showing us how. Most for most of us, we are still run by our ego. That is by a system we've put in place when we were kids. So if you're run by an inner system that you built when you were a kid, we could say your life is run by a kid. And now you understand that if you're looking at the world these days and you're looking at kids and you're like, we can't say anything to kids anymore and they can just do whatever they want and I was never able to get away with this before. Well, just look within. It's probably... Out there is a reflection of within. So if you've just had this reflection that I've just mentioned now, it's probably to show you that you have yet to position yourself, you in front of your ego, vis-a-vis your defense system, to take position, to retake the helms of your life. You are the adult. But when you let ego take over, you're letting a kid take over your life. A wounded kid, I'll give it to you. And that's why we're talking about today. The first means that I'm mentioning to you to get out of ego is develop the ability to say whenever you're in reaction to something or someone, I am hurt. Whoa, I'm reacting this way because I am hurt. That's the wounded child within. If you're not sure if you have a wounded child within, if you're hurt, Just tomorrow, pay attention to when you're reacting to something, and that will show you that you are hurt inside. That's your wounded child. This hurt that you're experiencing is there to show you that there is something unresolved in your past, like a similar hurt in your past. If it wasn't there, if your past was completely resolved, then it's not that you wouldn't be hurt about something happening today, but you would have um a choice and reaction or if it was completely resolved you would know not have the need for ego today and so you'd react differently to the hurt but I mean rare are the people that have developed this ability to be able to be hurt today by something or someone and not react with their defense system and you might be one of these people right that Still has a hard time because maybe you're listening to this now and you're saying it's crazy. It's a crazy idea to live without a defense system, to live without an ego. Exactly because people are here in the world that could hurt you and that are hurting you sometimes. And so you need to defend yourself against that. And to that I would say, has that brought you more fulfillment in your life? More happiness? More well-being? It can't. It can't because ego is not a natural... Um... system. It doesn't grow on trees and it doesn't go in the human heart until that human person makes the decision to construct it. We can build many different things in this world, out there, right? We've built so many things. It's the same thing within. We can build things that are beneficial to us within. But we can also build something we call the ego, the defense system, that is not beneficial for our adult self. All right. So to sum up what we've talked about today, the means, the first means that I wanted to cover with you to exit your ego is the three words. I am hurt whenever you are in reaction to something or someone in your environment. And we talked about it and I wanted to address two main points, the simplicity of it and the challenge of it, the difficulty of putting that in practice. And I hope that I did that with you. So don't be fooled by the simplicity of that means. Practice it this week. Start practicing it whenever you're in reaction. to something or someone and if ever it's too hard to just say it to the person you're facing like i said at the very least learn to acknowledge it within whoa if i'm reacting this way it's because i am hurt all right so i think we'll wrap it up on this uh comment for now hopefully you find this information useful Like I said, once again, just... practice it, put it in practice to see what it can do for you. One thing is for sure is the more you are able to recognize that you are hurt whenever you're reacting to something or someone, the more you'll be able to regain the possibility to respond differently to a situation when you are being hurt by something or someone. But in order to get there, usually what's a very important step is the means we talked about today. And I remind you, we all want to live without a defense system. We all want to live without ego because it is not a natural way of living. So we can't be at ease and comfortable and happy with that system within us. So we need to transform that system. And learning to say that you are hurt when you're reacting to something or someone is... certainly a step in the right direction. All right, next episode, we'll cover a step to, or a second step to exiting your ego. But until then, go ahead and practice with this one, and I'll talk to you in the next episode. Thank you for listening. Talk soon.
