Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host and founder, and I'm here with one of my longtime best friends, Ashley Anderson.

• Speaker #1

  Hello.

• Speaker #0

  Today, we are going to be talking about Ashley's personal journey with her mental health. I know that we've both definitely dealt with our fair share of mental health struggles, and we've always been really good about going to each other. To talk about those, and really just be that support system that we needed. And I'm really excited for everybody to hear a little bit about her journey and her healing and what that's looked like and continues to look like. And she's just also a very wise person. So you hopefully will learn a lot from her. But before we begin, I just want to give a quick disclaimer. This episode is going to contain open and honest discussions about mental health, and that will include topics such as suicide, self-harm, depression, and other potentially triggering content. If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. Please reach out to a trusted friend, therapist, or a mental health resource in your area. For immediate help, contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. Also, we are still doing our five free nights in Hawaii giveaway. You can go to our website at www.stopwhiskingyourlifepodcast.com. Click on the giveaways tab. You'll see all the ways there that you can enter into that drawing. It's a four bedroom, three bathroom house, three minutes from the beach. It's amazing. It's so beautiful. And everybody should go check that out and enter that giveaway. and also like I say before every episode I just want everybody to know that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. And each person has their own definition of a fulfilling life. And that is unique to you. And that could look different than mine or Ashley's. And that's okay. We're just here to give you ideas and knowledge to help you create a life that you think is beautiful. So shall we begin?

• Speaker #1

  Heck yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Heck yeah. Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week, we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation, and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions, and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to. Hello, once again, I'm Ava Heimbach, your host, and I'm here with our wonderful, beautiful guest, Ashley, and this is Stop Wasting Your Life. So yeah, to begin, maybe just tell us a little bit about yourself.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, so I'm 23 years old, and I am currently in grad school. I graduated from the University of Kansas in May of 2024, so it's been about a year now. And I got my bachelor's degree in business, applied behavioral science, and psychology. And now I'm in grad school going on my second year in a marriage and family therapy program. I just started an internship, so I'm a student therapist practicing under a licensed clinician. And I'm seeing clients right now to kind of build up my hours and my caseload. So I'm seeing them for the next year, and then I will graduate and I'll have to take a big test. And then I will be a licensed marriage and family therapist.

• Speaker #0

  So did you always know you wanted to be a therapist? Or when you kind of reached that age where you started struggling mentally yourself, once you hit that point of your life, were you kind of like, oh, wait, I could see myself helping people go through the same thing who are going through the same thing?

• Speaker #1

  No, I didn't always know that I wanted to be a therapist. I think I mean, when I was a kid, I was like, I want to be a singer, and I was a competitive dancer, and I thought I wanted to do like Broadway or just something fun. And I think towards the end of high school, one of my friends was talking about being a child psychologist, which was very specific. And I was like, that sounds like something I want to do. And I was like, me too. But I didn't really know what that entailed. And I I didn't really know. And my mom has, she has goodness three degrees.

• Speaker #0

  Stacey.

• Speaker #1

  I know. Wow. She's an overachiever. And one of them, she has a degree in psychology. And so I kind of knew a little bit about that. And just I was a little interested, not really. And my mom is a PA, a physician assistant. So she deals more with like the medical side. I knew that I wasn't interested in learning medical terminology or going to med school. I didn't want to do any of that. That just seemed really hard. But I was interested more in like the brain and why people are the way they are. And so when I first went to college, it was during COVID. And so all my classes were online and I really didn't know what I wanted to do still. So I was a speech, language and hearing major because I knew maybe I wanted to work with kiddos that had special needs, but I didn't want to be a paraprofessional and work in the school system. So I was like, oh, this could be like. a good alternative, but truly I didn't really know anything about it. And then I took the weed out class. It was called like physics of speech and it weeded me out.

• Speaker #0

  It worked. It did the job.

• Speaker #1

  So I took that class and then I ended up switching my major to applied behavioral science. And that was more learning about behaviors of kind of interventions for problem behaviors for a lot of people that have autism or just. intense emotions. And so that was really, really interesting to me. And I really did enjoy that. And so I did that for the majority of college. Then I had a midlife crisis my senior year of college in October, and I changed my major to psychology.

• Speaker #0

  So when in your life did you really notice that your mental health was playing a bigger role than you might have expected?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. I think during COVID, a lot of people experienced a decline in their mental health because you couldn't go outside as much. Like your job went online, your schooling went online. You couldn't see people as much like it was just a really big change. And I don't know, I personally really don't like change. And so I'm sure there's a lot of people that don't like that either. So COVID hit like two months before I was supposed to graduate high school. And I honestly like I was kind of ready for college and ready for. something new. But then I started college at the University of Kansas in the fall. And we didn't know if we were it was kind of up in the air if we were going to be able to move into the dorms and all this stuff. And I just I really wanted to do that. And so when we got the green light for that, that was super exciting. I joined a sorority, I did zoom recruitment, and then couldn't do anything. That first fall semester of college, like I had a boyfriend and he lived 10 hours away. Couldn't do anything in my sorority. Like we couldn't have functions. We couldn't go to the house. We couldn't like it just felt really all my classes were online. I think I had one in-person class once a week and it was the weed out class like that I didn't enjoy. And it was really hard. and I believe I have it on my phone because I documented it on Snapchat as we do. And I'm pretty sure I just took a picture of like my face and it was for myself. And it says I started antidepressants today. And that was like February. I want to say it was like February 28th. Like it was the last day of February. Or I guess now I started antidepressants in this like winter February. The new year of 2021. And kind of it had been a little bit of a battle to kind of get antidepressants. My mom, she's a physician assistant. And so, you know, at this point, I wasn't in therapy. I guess at this point, like to the outside world, I was getting good grades. I had a lot of friends. I had a boyfriend.

• Speaker #0

  That you had been together with. For a really long time.

• Speaker #1

  Years. I don't know. Like, I wasn't showing any signs of, I had a clean room. Like, it was kind of like this high functioning depression that I didn't know at the time I was experiencing. And so it was really scary. And I'm very close with my mom. She's like my best friend. But it's really scary to talk to your parents. And it's really hard for them to hear that you're struggling. And so I finally brought it up. I was like, I... I think we were on a walk. I went home 10 minutes down the road to hang out, which I did a lot my first year of college because there wasn't much to do. I'd just go spend time at home. We were on a walk outside and I was like, I've been feeling really sad. And so we kind of had, it was, it was kind of a surface level conversation. We didn't really dive too much into it. And she was like, well, we have this new sample at work and we can just kind of try that. Because if you've ever tried to get into a psychiatrist, you know that it's really, really, really dang hard.

• Speaker #0

  So hard.

• Speaker #1

  So my mom was like, let's just. Try a super low dose of I don't even remember what it's called now, but I was just so excited that I was finally getting like some attention for this. That medicine did not work at all. And my mom would ask me, like, is it working? And I was so terrified. I don't think she would have done this. I think she would have figured out something else. Got me into a psychiatrist. But I was just so terrified of like being taken off of it and not being listened to anymore that I was like. It's working like great. I feel wonderful until it really wasn't doing anything. And I don't I think with it not being matched with therapy either. I mean, I started therapy not too long after that.

• Speaker #0

  We are going to pause the episode really fast and give the code for today's episode. So the code for the Hawaii House giveaway today is 1651. So if you go to the website and click on the giveaways tab. and type that code in, you will earn some extra entries for that giveaway to Hawaii. When I was in high school, personally, well, for me, I think my, I've had anxiety my whole life. I couldn't tell you a day in my life where I didn't have anxiety, but I think that depression, I really started noticing it in like my late middle school years, probably like eighth grade. There were just a couple things that happened. And that's when I really started noticing, like, wait a minute, this is not a normal feeling that I should be feeling. Like I had so much pain that was so deeply rooted and in so many different things that I couldn't talk about, or I was too ashamed to talk about, or I was afraid to talk about it that I kind of just became a different version of myself. but Was there anything in your life that happened where you would say like, oh, I really changed in that moment?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I think I was a freshman in high school and I was starting to process more the death of my grandpa. He completed suicide when I was in fifth grade. And I was the one who answered the phone call from my dad's sister, who kind of just blurted it out. And I was 10 years old. And I don't think at the time my parents would have told me that's how he passed away. But it kind of just fell on to me, you know, back when he had the home phones. Yeah,

• Speaker #0

  I still remember my home phone number.

• Speaker #1

  Aunt Cindy's calling.

• Speaker #0

  I'm going to answer it. Mine was always hoping my neighbor would call me and like, go play outside. Yep.

• Speaker #1

  And it was just an early Saturday morning. And, you know, she just blurted it out. And it took me a long time to kind of process the feelings that I felt with that. And I think it was kind of around my eighth grade. So what, 13 years old ish. And then like 14 years old, like a freshman in high school that I was kind of like starting to feel the those feelings of like guilt. and shame of like did i not do enough even though i was only 10 years old at the time meaning meaning what not do enough like did we not visit him enough i not call him enough and i don't think that's like feasible for a 10 year old to do but i think that was just all the feelings that flooded to me around eighth grade and and freshman year that i just was kind of confused. I was like, why did he do this? I had never known what that was before that point. I didn't know that was an option. And so around the time that I kind of was processing it a bit more with myself, and I didn't talk to anyone about it, we went to a funeral for a distant relative in Arkansas. And the funeral was on top of some mountain, no service. And I was sitting there and I don't know if someone said something. I just snapped. I stood up in front of, goodness, I don't know, like probably 60 people that I did not know. That probably knew me, but I didn't know them. Like started sobbing, sprinted out of the barn. All these people are like, who is this girl? What is her deal?

• Speaker #0

  I'm like 14 years old. Who is her? Yeah, who is she?

• Speaker #1

  Sprinted out, ran through the woods. It's so dramatic.

• Speaker #0

  I kind of want to see a movie about this.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, right. And I think I was just feeling like really sad and really lonely. And I was really confused and I wasn't sure what what I what was happening. I just think I had been feeling it for like the last year. And I don't I don't think necessarily something has to happen to like kind of reach your breaking point. But I think it just happened to be there. and It took a little bit for my mom to come find me because there was no service. And I was sitting on the edge of like kind of just like a drop off into like the woods. And I didn't have any plans of doing anything to myself. That wasn't even really on my mind yet. I just wanted to be alone. And my mom came and found me. And then we left very shortly after that. I was just so like ashamed. That I was like, I don't know what just happened to me. It was like somebody took over and I just, I couldn't do it. And I remember sitting in the car. I'm still probably like teary eyed and don't want to talk to anybody. And my dad turned around and he was like, what was that? Like what, what happened? I was like, I don't know. I'm just sad. And he was like, what do you mean you're sad? I was like, I'm just, I'm sad. And he was like. I just remember he just was really frustrated and he was just like, what does that mean? Like, what do you mean you're sad? You're not sad.

• Speaker #0

  Or probably like, why are you sad?

• Speaker #1

  But he was just like, you're not. You're not sad. And I was like, okay. Okay. Then I'm not sad.

• Speaker #0

  So do you feel like that was kind of, it made you think that you kind of needed to suppress these emotions and feelings that you. were having?

• Speaker #1

  Absolutely. I, the rest of high school, I didn't really talk about it. There were definitely a lot of more moments that were really, really hard and I really struggled, but I kind of kept it to myself. I had a good friend group at the time. And so I wouldn't say like high school was necessarily like the biggest struggle of my whole life that came later. But yeah, I was kind of like, no, you're right. I'm not sad.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. When would you say that you were at your lowest or when did that happen?

• Speaker #1

  I would say I was at my lowest in the fall of my sophomore year of college when I just got out of like an almost five year relationship. And I think that was just the kicker. but September of my sophomore year, I think, was just really, really, really lost. And everything that I thought was going to be my life was, like, taken away from me.

• Speaker #0

  Because you had this guy that you were with for almost five years, you said.

• Speaker #1

  This guy that I thought I was going to marry.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah. And all of a sudden... It was done. So you're probably like, what now?

• Speaker #1

  That was done. I didn't speak to anyone from high school really anymore besides you and a couple other people. I think that was just kind of like the kicker for me. And I had been deeply struggling and kind of using that relationship as like a therapy outlet that he wasn't equipped for. and I mean, he did what he needed to do. He couldn't be my therapist anymore, and I needed true help. And that was really hard to, like, realize. And I also wasn't being honest with my therapist. I was completely, can I cuss, bullshitting her. Like, I wasn't talking anything about how I was feeling. She had no idea.

• Speaker #0

  poor thing she was a student therapist as well she's probably writing this in her notes yeah I remember actually when you and your boyfriend broke up because I came to see you and I remember all your roommates were in your room and

• Speaker #1

  I opened the door of your you were living in this sorority house then right yeah yeah I had four room or four roommates including myself we all lived in the same room yeah and I had become friends with them just by being friends with Ashley and I remember I walked in and I was like,

• Speaker #0

  where's Ashley? And I remember one of her roommates came up to me and she was like, we this this is not Ashley like she hasn't left her bed. And I remember walking around the corner and seeing you there just like completely out of it like it did not look like you at all. And I remember my heart sank because it was at that moment I realized like, this is not my best friend. Like, I don't know who this is. But this is not her. And I almost kicked into like, rescue mode. Like in my head, I was like, Go tell her she's a bad bitch right now and she didn't need him. And we're going to go get ice cream and it's all going to be okay. But I just remember trying to talk to her and she was just completely not there. And I think it was at that moment where it kind of just hit me that maybe you needed like a little bit more. You needed that extra help. And were your parents there? I think your parents came, right?

• Speaker #1

  Actually, that night my mom took me to the hospital. And I weaseled my way out of it. I was like, I'm fine. I don't know why I'm here. Take me home. I don't want to be here. This will not be helpful. This seems like absolute torture. I just imagined like a white room with nothing on the walls and bright fluorescent lights. No phone. I don't know. Like you just kind of imagine the worst. And I was like, this will not help my mental health. I am happy. I am fine. And because I was above the age of 18, they couldn't force me to stay. And so I went home that night and I stayed at my house for a couple of days, slept in my mom's bed. And, you know, I think people were a little more on high alert. I didn't tell anyone really. And then it was that next week that, you know, the boyfriend and I broke up and I was just so, so. It wasn't just that like relationship ending. It was that was just like. the domino effect. It was like, I just needed one more thing to happen that felt like I couldn't do this anymore. And it was that. Yeah. And that just knocked everything over. And I think I just numbed. And I remember, you know, my mom was like, maybe you need to go back to the hospital and you need to stay. And I was like, no. And my dad at this point hadn't said anything. And then you know, my mom and I are going back and forth. Like you should go. I don't want to, you should go. No, you can't make me. And my dad like turned around and looked at me and he was like, if you don't go to the hospital right now, will you kill yourself? And I, we just like stared at each other and I was like, yeah, I don't think anything was said after that. I think it was like, all right, go and get in. So I got out of the car and you were in your car. There's a few spots over, I think. And I think I went up to you and I was probably crying at this point. And I was like, they're going to take me to the hospital. And you hugged me and you prayed over me. And then I went inside and I packed a small bag of just like a couple pairs of sweatpants and I don't know, medicine or whatever I thought I needed. And my roommates all hugged me and cried. And they were like, we're really proud of you. And I got in the car.

• Speaker #0

  I remember the sticky note one.

• Speaker #1

  I wish I'd have brought it. Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  You know about, like, you would, how often could you call?

• Speaker #1

  I could call while I was in inpatient treatment, like, any time of day that wasn't, like.

• Speaker #0

  bedtime i think i remember you'd call me once a day and you try people's phone numbers like everything in the hotel room was the hospital the party room how everything would be made so that you couldn't kill yourself and i remember thinking like oh

• Speaker #1

  this sounds kind of scary oh yeah the phone cord was like this long yeah it was like a couple inches so that you couldn't wrap it around your neck.

• Speaker #0

  So all these years later, what... What does that journey of healing look like? Like, can you explain to me what healing has looked like for you?

• Speaker #1

  I think the first step was just like telling people and being able to have those open and honest conversations because those weren't happening before. I didn't talk to my friends about it. I didn't talk to my family about it. It just was kind of a taboo subject. And I think as mental health is getting talked. about more these days, it's a little bit easier, but I know that it can also be really hard to admit that you're struggling. So I think like ultimately the first step to my journey of healing, which I'm still doing every day, is talking about it and whether that's talking about it and then going to an inpatient treatment or talking about it and going to therapy services or other services. Like, it's really, really hard, but it really strengthened all of I can't say there was a single relationship that it didn't strengthen. I think every single one. I mean, even like the boyfriend that we broke up, like we had a conversation, you know, a few months after I got out of the hospital and he was like, I'm really proud of you. I was like, thank you. Thank you. But, you know, even though like that relationship. Couldn't continue because of my struggling of my mental health. Like he was still very proud of me for taking that step from afar. So, I mean, the first few days that I was in inpatient treatment was like probably the hardest. I remember they I mean, by the time you get checked in. And they, you know, you're sitting in the waiting room and you get checked in and they take all your like blood pressure and heart rate and yada, yada, yada and get you upstairs and then do all these other things again and whatever. It was like 2 a.m. And I remember my parents like we were kind of sitting in that room and it was like, oh, so you you leave now. OK,

• Speaker #0

  bye. Now what?

• Speaker #1

  And then they gave me a really heavy sleeping drug and I just I was out. And I woke up the next morning and the sleeping drug, like they were like, since you took it, like you're going to take this at 2 a.m. You're probably going to wake up and feel like really drowsy. And I did. It was like spinning and wherever.

• Speaker #0

  What is your advice to someone who is dealing with their own mental health struggles? What would you tell them?

• Speaker #1

  Therapy services don't have to be super expensive. As I have gone into my therapy program, I've realized that it can be more accessible. And I guess I'm speaking personally from like around the Kansas City area, but especially if you're seeking services from a student therapist who's going through school, a lot of times their services will be either free or on a sliding scale. And learning that has been like just super awesome because I mean, when I first started going to therapy, I saw an intern and I think I paid like 20 or 30 dollars for a session. And there's therapists that at churches that do it for free and there's therapists that, yeah, kind of do that sliding scale based on your income. And I think if that was talked about more, it wouldn't seem as like. this thing that like you can't reach because it can be so expensive and not like achievable. And I also think that if you had a bad experience with a therapist, no matter how hard it is and how much you like want to swear off therapy, like to try again, because it's kind of like dating, I think. And you just, you need to find that someone that you do kind of click with. And it makes me really sad when people have like a really bad experience with a therapist and kind of swear it off. And I've had friends that have done that. And then they've tried again and they found someone that they really love. And now they like don't even remember what their life was like before having a therapist. I mean, I try not to push it on people. But. all three of my roommates started going to therapy in the last year.

• Speaker #0

  And you never know until you try.

• Speaker #1

  I was like, be cool, be cool, be cool. That's so awesome.

• Speaker #0

  This is great.

• Speaker #1

  I'm chill. This is fun.

• Speaker #0

  So if you could give somebody three tips that have personally really helped you in your journey with your mental health, what would those three tips be?

• Speaker #1

  I think one tip would be to not be too picky. be finding one thing that you truly

• Speaker #0

  do enjoy that kind of like produces positive mindfulness and a sense of like, I guess what I'm saying is your girl loves to nap. Okay. I love sleep.

• Speaker #1

  She loves to nap. You know how many times I'll ask her, do you want to hang out? She's like, well, between 3.30 and 4.30 is my afternoon nap. So I can't do it then. And then between 6.30 and 7.30 is my late afternoon nap. Oh my gosh.

• Speaker #0

  So as someone that loves to nap, it can also be this kind of like escaping behavior almost. And so just being very intentional with the fact that like finding something that you do enjoy, even though I do enjoy napping, sometimes it can be an escaping behavior from other things that's going on in your life. So for example, like I love fiction books. I don't like Learning books. I don't want to spend my time outside of school listening or reading things that are educational. I just don't. I like books about mystery or love or whatever it may be. And I think having something that you know you enjoy and when I'm feeling like bored or sad or overwhelmed, mostly like bored, like, and I could take a nap, but like. Am I really just kind of like escaping other responsibilities or other feelings? I think reading a good book, especially ones that have just like those fictional stories that you can kind of put yourself into for a little bit is really good. And you can do audiobooks. I've really been enjoying audiobooks because you can do other things.

• Speaker #1

  So fine. So that one.

• Speaker #0

  Find something that's like intentional hobby. That's like.

• Speaker #1

  That you enjoy. Yeah.

• Speaker #0

  Does that make sense? Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  That makes sense. Okay. Two more. No pressure.

• Speaker #0

  I think another thing would be having a good support system. And I think sometimes, you know. When I was an undergrad, like I was in a sorority. And so I was in a house with 200 girls. And it was just like, you're supposed to have all these friends and do all these things. And I've realized as I've gotten older, I would rather have a smaller group of friends that are like intentional and care about me and love me. And I can have those real and honest and raw conversations with than 200, which granted, I loved my sorority. but that you don't need to to fulfill this like societal pressure that you need to have 100 million followers and and friends and and all these things i just think having those people that you can really open up to and call when you're having those really hard times and knowing that they'll be there is really really really important and i think also you can you know if you're struggling to find that support system and those people you can find those intentional hobbies and things that you're doing like you like pottery pottery and hot yoga which i don't go to i've invited you so many times i'm waiting for the day one day you're gonna come with me don't do hot hot girls and hot yoga you gotta come with me and like i don't know i'm sure you've met people and that can also be a way that you kind of start to begin to make those connections. But I just think as humans like we do crave that connection with people and it is just really important I know there's like the whole popular and culture thing that's like I'm just gonna be alone and do my own thing and not talk to anybody and I'm just gonna do this all by myself because everyone's hurt me or like yada yada yada like I think that can be really toxic and I think that You need connection and you need people. I would say like the third piece of advice is just like kind of finding something that what's the word? Like just finding like a purpose bigger than yourself. Yeah. And whether that's like something spiritual or a certain religion or I don't know what else there is. Like, I think for me personally, I found a lot of peace in God. And I think that. Without him, I wouldn't have made it alive today. And so I think that that's kind of my greater purpose. But I know that there's other things that kind of people can find. And maybe that's you figure out that like you're really good at like Ava, like working with people with special needs or myself. Like you want to dedicate some time to like helping people with special needs or and that's kind of you're like giving back to like the universe or. you know, God or like spirituality, just like those kinds of things. And I think that can really help, especially it can help when you're kind of feeling like you're just kind of like walking on this planet for like, why, especially when things are really dark and heavy right now, I just feel like having something that's like, this is why I'm here. And that can be really hard to find when you are in a deep struggle, but that's why you also. find that support system and they help you see what your purpose is.

• Speaker #1

  So what, what does a life of meaning and purpose, what does that look like to you?

• Speaker #0

  Like you said, like it looks different for everybody, but I think mine is just filling myself with love that I've, I've been doing, or I think for me. the last few years in therapy and kind of coming out of inpatient therapy and becoming a therapist and being a student therapist I've worked a lot on like filling my cup so that I can help other people just being able to love people and hopefully love them enough and love them well whether they are future clients or their friends or their family or they're just people I meet for like a small amount of time that I can show enough grace and love that someday they'll think back on maybe our paths crossing and they'll wonder wow i mean i don't want to be like she was really great she was anything to be like her yeah but like kind of just like oh what made her like so happy or like wow she just had this like glow about her some something impacting yes people like oh i remember that girl she was really nice like yeah anything small like that. I just, I really want them. to then it be pointed back to like, at least for me, like Jesus. And even if that's not something that they are into, just knowing that like,

• Speaker #1

  there's good in the world,

• Speaker #0

  there is good in the world. And there's people that love Jesus that are never struggled and they're still good,

• Speaker #1

  happy people. Oh, that was really good.

• Speaker #0

  I just want to have an impact as much as I can. And especially today with this. just the state of the world. I think there's a lot of conflict and not happy things. Don't watch the news. That's my advice.

• Speaker #1

  Don't watch the news. Well, thank you so much for coming on and being my special guest. As always, I love you more than words can describe. And

• Speaker #0

  I have a tattoo on my back from one time when I was in inpatient treatment. Ava, so I didn't have my phone, but Ava would text me like a Bible verse every day because she knew that was really important to me. And one of the days she sketched up this drawing of a cross with flowers on it and she had sent it to me. And you said something along the lines of like, even beauty comes from death. And I saw it after I got my phone back and I was out of treatment. And then we spent like a month together. I was like, we were like at the hips again. I was like,

• Speaker #1

  here, you can come sleep in my bed if you want.

• Speaker #0

  Yes. And about a year later, I ended up getting that cross tattooed on my back. And Ava came with me.

• Speaker #1

  I did come with her.

• Speaker #0

  And so.

• Speaker #1

  And every time she walks away from me, I'm like, wow. I just remember her story and our friendship. And it's just beautiful.

• Speaker #0

  So I guess that's also something that I take away is like even beauty comes from death. And I think you can use that whether you're religious or not. Like beauty can come from the really darkest and shittiest places of your life. Oh, that was so good.

• Speaker #1

  Well, when I look at the time, it looks like your evening nap is coming up. So I think we're gonna have to end this pretty fast because if we wait any longer, she won't sleep tonight. So thanks. But yeah, thanks again for coming. And I love you very much. And I'm so excited to drive home together and debrief about our conversation. So so that concludes the end of our episode i really hope you guys enjoyed it and enjoyed our conversation with ashley you can go follow ashley at ashley.7 on instagram and also don't forget to go enter into that hawaii house giveaway that will be going on until august 15th so go check that out and we will see you next week Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review, give us a follow, and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com, and we will see you next week.