Transcription

• Speaker #0

  Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host, and this is my very, very, very bestest friend, Hannah Jara.

• Speaker #1

  Hello. Jara, you got it right.

• Speaker #0

  Yes, okay. That looks like Jara. Yeah,

• Speaker #1

  like I get Jara, Jara, but we always say hip hip Jara. Or like hip hip hurrah but with a J.

• Speaker #0

  That's right. That's what I wrote down in my notes. I said hurrah with a J, Jara. But yeah, today we're just going to be having a conversation because we always are talking about some really cool, deep things. And I was like, let's throw some microphones in front of us and see what spitballs out of our mouth. And hopefully it's something amazing and beautiful. But we don't really have a giant outline about what we're going to talk about, except for befriending yourself, befriending your being and radical self-acceptance, holding yourself. through seasons that you find yourself in. And yeah,

• Speaker #1

  I'm excited. I feel like that these are the best kinds of conversations. They are. Kind of flow naturally and it feels like you're on, you're like a fly on the wall. Yeah, exactly.

• Speaker #0

  We're just going to talk like we always do. But before we begin, just a little reminder that we're doing our five free nights in Hawaii, our little giveaway. So if you're interested in doing that, we have a four bedroom. four bathroom house, three minutes from the beach that you can win five free nights with your friends and family. We're actually in it right now doing this.

• Speaker #1

  It's a great space.

• Speaker #0

  It's a great space.

• Speaker #1

  And I almost just choked on my kombucha.

• Speaker #0

  She just almost choked on her kombucha. But yeah, if you're interested in doing that, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com. There's a little giveaways tab. Click on that and follow that link and you will find all the ways that you could enter into that drawing. So definitely recommend doing that. And then as always, before we begin, I just want everyone to know that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. And the definition of a fulfilling life is unique to you. It's unique to me. It's unique to Hannah. And I don't want you to ever think that I am pushing a certain life on you because everyone's perspective is different. You are entitled to your own opinions. And we're not here to tell you how to live your life, but offer ideas, knowledge, and inspiration to help you create a life that is beautiful to you. Yeah. Yeah. Should we begin?

• Speaker #1

  Let's do it.

• Speaker #0

  Okay. Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week, we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation, and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions, and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to. Once again, I'm Ava, your host, and this is Hannah. Hello,

• Speaker #1

  hello.

• Speaker #0

  She is very wise, as you will quickly find out. She just knows exactly what to say and when to say it and just makes me so happy and feel great about life. So before we begin, do you just want to tell us a little bit about yourself?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. As she announced, I'm Hannah. Hello. It's hard to condense who I am as a person in the intro, but I'm just going to say some of the things that I'm passionate about, which have been holistic healing, calming your nervous system, balancing your hormones naturally. learning to make your mind not be a bully ass bitch and like actually enjoy the process of being a human because you're going to be with yourself this whole time for the rest of your life. So it's like might as well make it a good space to be in. I in 2020 started my own business and it was a really rewarding, beautiful process where I got to connect with a ton of great, amazing folks all over the world, mostly through TikTok. went into Instagram and YouTube. I think I didn't realize what entrepreneurship would like illuminate for myself. It really highlighted a lot of like self-love deficits and insecurities around taking up space and uncreaging my voice. And it also really begged the question of like, who am I as an individual and what do I want to put out into this world? And here I am five years later.

• Speaker #0

  putting out some amazing things into the world.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I feel like I'm like, this is like the first day of my life. Like things are like just starting and I'm excited for where the rest of life will take me.

• Speaker #0

  Yeah.

• Speaker #1

  And I'm very grateful to be on this podcast.

• Speaker #0

  So you're guest number two. So you're pretty much super special. I'm literally so honored.

• Speaker #1

  I'm so honored. And I'm also just so proud of you that you're like putting this dream out into the world and doing it because you're such a great conversationalist. And you're just so amazing at like making people feel seen and loved. And no, I can't like you're not like I cry.

• Speaker #0

  I think that is such an important thing. for people to know is just how to love yourself and how to live your life authentic to yourself because we live in such a world where I feel like being your authentic self is so hard because very few people I feel like embrace their authentic self and it's something that I've even had to work on because there's like Ava that is the real true Ava and then there's Ava that I want the world to see or I want to put out there.

• Speaker #1

  I agree. I think that we. naturally kind of have to wear a lot of roles. And also it's a privilege to even have like the time and space to like ask these questions of like, wait, who is my authentic self? I think society is so fast moving. It's so noisy. And we're in a crazy time in this day and age. It makes sense to kind of feel confused when it comes to that. I think we take on many layers of conditioning and expectations from others. to where next thing you know it you're in your 20s and you're like wait is this is this all really me or am I just like doing this to what's the word to be blended into society and so yeah did etc etc.

• Speaker #0

  When would you say that you learned to accept who you were?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah I think it came from as a like younger girl I knew who I was. And I think in my teen years, I lost sight of that just because there was like a lot of stuff going on in my life. And I think it really took losing myself to find myself again and like sitting in those dark, uncomfortable spaces. Like I'm neurodivergent. I've definitely like struggled with how my brain operates and felt like I've dealt with like uncontrollable thoughts or like just absolutely zapped of energy, like prolonged weeks where. everything's blurring together and it's like oh when am I gonna ever see out of this like depression was fully winning constantly and I also just like if you're on the other end of this episode and you understand that and struggle with mental illness and mental health like it's not a one-size-fits-all everybody is fighting their own battles and I think that's something I'm always super cautious of when like talking about this stuff too is like I understand how it feels when you're in those spaces and you can't see the light anymore. And I kind of just like threw my hands in there and was like, okay, here I am. Like, I don't know if I'm going to sparkle again. I don't know if I'm going to feel like myself and slowly, but surely through also like getting into my body and like somatic healing. And I feel like I took on a lot of talk therapy too. A lot of tools were picked up along the way and slowly I started to come back and I think that's when I just realized like, oh, all of these sides are me. Like to celebrate my joyous self where I walk in and like I'm super bubbly, but then to neglect the side that feels things very deeply and like it's very overwhelmed by feeling all of it and feeling the state of the world, etc. Like is to deny me. So, yeah, I think that if that answers your question, like welcoming all of it and just like letting myself. take my time to emerge out of my little cocoon that I put myself back in and not fully knowing what it's going to look like to step out on the other side of that, but just like trusting that the work that I've been doing is going to pay off and I'm rewarded.

• Speaker #0

  I think that that is something that I really, it's really helped me to learn is that like, it's okay to have all these different, not versions of yourself, but like states of being, Like, it's okay to be super sad. angry at the world and it's okay to be happy and joyful and those can exist together like there are days where I start out really happy and then as the day goes on I get really really sad but then at the end of the day I'm really happy again and I have to instead of being angry at the fact that I'm sad about something I have to learn how to embrace it because we're human and we all have these emotions and I feel like again the day and age we live in especially with like social media people don't necessarily put out the bad sides of their life. And so, yeah, I think that once I learned how to love and accept every single part of my personality and. my mistakes and what I've learned and realized that I can't go back and change the mistakes I've made or the people I've hurt, but I can keep on going. So when you talked about somatic, what was it?

• Speaker #1

  Somatic healing.

• Speaker #0

  Somatic healing. What does that look like? What is that?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah. So I would describe it as getting into your body and out of your mind when your body is wired in like survival and trying to protect yourself and your sleep isn't proper like all cortisol can affect so many different things and for myself like I had polycystic ovarian syndrome I also like I said was just like having you know seasons where the mind wasn't feeling the best and I was like okay well I don't want to just sit there and be thinking about this so instead I got up started shaking my hands and my body and looking like a silly willy like jumping all around my house like breath work is also another thing um You can jump in like a cold body of water or just like stand and your shower with like two minutes of it being freezing cold. Anything pretty much that just like activates your sensations like tapping.

• Speaker #0

  Like getting out of your head, like into your body.

• Speaker #1

  Exactly. Yeah. It's kind of what somatic healing is to me. Okay. And yeah, I was working with a coach who was talking about just having like. a bunch of different tools in your toolbox. So knowing what you need at different moments and like sometimes phoning a friend is super good and like hopping on the therapy session. But I think it's good to also have other options and know that your body holds so much wisdom. And it also is a great outlet to like let the mind kind of slow down as well.

• Speaker #0

  It's actually kind of funny also because anytime I'm with Hannah and I'm like, I'm anxious. her first response is she just starts beating her chest.

• Speaker #1

  Let it in, love it. She's like,

• Speaker #0

  just start. I'm like, okay, yeah, you're right. You're right. And it does help. It does. It totally helps because it gets me more out of my head and into like the sensations that I'm feeling. Yeah. Or anytime I'm super anxious, I'm like, let's go jump in the ocean because it just gets me out of my head and into my body. So I definitely think that that's really important. And it's cool that you've taken so much time to learn about that.

• Speaker #1

  Totally. Yeah. And we both talked about being like kind of hypersensitive adolescents, too. And like emotions, especially in a kid, like you don't know what the heck is going on. And it's just like really big feelings in your body and like especially like anxiety or nervousness. Well, I guess nervousness is anxiety. But, you know, all these different things just make you constantly feel shitty. Like it's like, oh, how do I how do I stop this?

• Speaker #0

  And it's like, hey, you don't know any better. And I feel like me being a very. very sensitive kid. Like I felt very different from other people when I would cry about something and other people wouldn't cry about something or, you know, I would be super anxious about going to school. And I felt like there weren't very many people my age that were as anxious going to school. And I always just kind of felt like I was doing something wrong, but I didn't know any better. Oh, I don't remember where I was going with that. We would have been such little good friends. I feel like we probably would have gone on some. crazy adventures together and probably gone into some trouble because that's just our personalities. But what were you like as a kid? I'm very curious, actually.

• Speaker #1

  So I definitely was like the star of the show and my family. Like I'm like, OK, guys, everyone gather around like I'm going to perform my choreographed dance. I was I did gymnastics growing up, dance and was very into art and. I have a little brother. He was my bestie and I made him like play with me all the time.

• Speaker #0

  I know my poor sister. She's definitely had to do so many things for me. Sorry, Sadie, if you're listening to this, I totally apologize for all the times that I made you play the drums for my orchestra that I created.

• Speaker #1

  So literally in Big Sister Duties,

• Speaker #0

  though it is.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, my upbringing was good. I had. parents that were together and you know it was just a normal sort of childhood nothing too traumatic and in the teen years like I'm not going to get into the whole story because it's just going to be too much to describe but oh and also I feel like I should give the backstory that I come from a multicultural home my dad's a first generation immigrant he's Palestinian but lives in Jordan at the moment and was born in or born in Lebanon but raised in Jordan, came here when he was 19. And my mom is Yugoslavian. So I definitely was raised with both of those sides. And they raised me religious, but also was exposed to like a lot of with Christian religion, but was exposed to. all different types of religions like our cousins were Muslim and my grandparents Baha'i and all the things so I feel like I had a connection to spirituality from a really young age because of that and growing up with adults who all had their different versions of faith and yeah during the teen years my parents split and my dad ended up being in Jordan, which was definitely like a big change. I didn't realize at the time what like losing my culture would affect me because you grow up in the U.S. and like sort of a post 9-11 world. And like I rejected that my dad had an accent or that we were just like different than the kids at my private Christian Huntington Beach, California type school. And it wasn't until I was like 21 and I was on Oahu Hawaii for... like two and a half years and got to meet so many amazing people who are just so connected to their culture and like really work with the land too and it made me realize not having that is like part of this like lostness that I feel and I think that's also like another layer of healing that has been so transformative for me is like ancestrally healing and like working with my ancestors and just like thinking about them and inviting them to the things that I'm doing and just really recognizing that none of the women in my family before were presented this opportunity that I'm presented with now, which is like the space and freedom to pursue my dreams in this way. Like what the heck, I would be a whole ass wife, like with a child right now. So yeah, that's a little tidbit into the childhood. Obviously, there's so much but I know it's like

• Speaker #0

  Once we begin talking about our childhoods, then you never stop. There's so many layers that go into like being a child and it growing you into who you are today. And also like I spend a lot of time, I feel like thinking about my younger self, maybe a little bit too much because I feel for her. And I want to bring out those pieces of me that I felt when I was younger into who I am today. And I feel like that's a whole journey in itself is healing little baby Ava and but still letting her shine through in the Ava that walks around today. How would you say your relationship with your inner child was? What does that look like?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, as much as like my journey has been a lot of shedding the layers that don't serve me. I think it's also like been a returning to who I was when I was younger, because when I sort of lost sight of that. I was like, oh, why am I not like lit up and dancing anymore and just like making art just for the sake of making art? And I just kind of started inviting all of the years of my life to sit with me. Like we got the bratty six year old Hannah. We got the angsty like 13 year old Hannah who was just like questioning. like authority as hell. Like I was just always so stubborn. I'm like, well, why do you want me to think that? Oh, well, why? So and then like the 18 year old, like all high school, I was actually kind of goody goody because I was like scared of my mom. So I'm like, OK, I'm not going to like rebel. And then I like got out of high school and I'm like, I'm going to go.

• Speaker #0

  So yeah,

• Speaker #1

  working with my inner child, but also like my inner teen, I think is just so funny. Like even to this day, Like I'll like. feel myself react to something or like feel this urge to like put on a song or put on a movie and I'm like hmm what age of me is like asking oh yeah you know what did we watch last time oh Lilo and Stitch we watched Lilo and Stitch the whole time I was like this is my childhood like I loved Lilo and Stitch that

• Speaker #0

  was so refreshing we need to watch the new one oh yes anyway where were you

• Speaker #1

  I I mean that's all that's pretty much what I would say I think like inner inner child you like a lot of times you start to realize like oh they actually know what's up like yeah not to take this so seriously and to kind of just like move through life from like such an organic state and I think as you get older you have this like other lens of like oh but how am I gonna be perceived whereas like little me I don't think I had that again I was like also undiagnosed like with ADD and I was like very hyper like bouncing off the walls crazy girl.

• Speaker #0

  Have you read the book Don't Believe Everything You Think? No. Okay well in the book there's a part that talks about like the difference between thinking and a thought. And I feel like as a kid, like there were lots of thoughts, like the thought of like, let's go dance in the rain. And then we go dance in the rain. But if like, as I've gotten older, I do more thinking, which is like having the thought of let's go dance in the rain. But then there's that part of me that's like, well, I don't really want to get wet or I just washed my hair. I don't want to wash it again. Or I might be late to wherever I'm going. And I think finding my inner child again is. not doing as much thinking, but listening to those thoughts. I love that.

• Speaker #1

  So true. And we did dance in the rain yesterday.

• Speaker #0

  We did. It was amazing. We sang Wicked as loud as we could in my neighborhood, dancing in the rain.

• Speaker #1

  Smatching like very 80s-esque one pieces,

• Speaker #0

  might I add.

• Speaker #1

  That was our inner child. That was our inner child.

• Speaker #0

  And I was so happy. I literally could have been in the worst mood and done that and been so happy because it This was like. refreshing like it was like being human we I felt human and I feel like I need to give myself more opportunities to do that because the inner child in me wants to dance to wicked as much as possible but um yeah I do miss that about being a kid I feel like it's just more of a raw way of living I feel like I've also um spent a lot of time throughout my life being very insecure especially when I was in like middle school, early high school, I think that there were just some like specific things that happened to me that made it really, really hard to be secure with myself and my relationship with myself. And I think that, again, that's something that I've really had to, I continue to heal from to this day. But I don't know if you've had any experiences like that, that have led you to where you are now or your relationship. with yourself and what that looks like.

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I mean, definitely. I think as you go through life, there's just like so many different things that really grow you as a person. For me, I think in my like preteen years, I definitely sat with like a lot of shame, like to go from being the girl that was like so loud and silly to then being like hyper aware of how everybody else was like thinking about you. to give like the smidgen like little lore of me so i went to like a private christian school right and like i was a good girl but i had a little nasty middle school boyfriend who he's like oh send like booty pics and like these little pics and i'm like yeah like okay okay send it to this man he sends it to my mom i'm mortified my mom goes and picks me up i was at youth group where no not youth group she drives up and rolls down the window get in the car takes my phone and I'm like, no. And long story short, my mom saw all of my junk and everything. Why was 12 year old me doing that? I don't know. But I think it's important to add this because this is the root of like where shame started. And like, I remember I was going into high school the next year and pretty much like that got that picture got sent around. I feel like it gave me a reputation that I didn't deserve. I just went into high school with like so much anxiety, but then like coped with that with like a false sense of confidence, like an inflated ego sort of. And then, you know, things pass over and it wasn't like the end of the world, but obviously really felt like that at the time. And then come year 16 and next thing I know, my parents are who lived together my whole life. Now my dad's in jail in Jordan. I'm like, what the heck is going on? You were supposed to leave for a business trip for two weeks. Now I don't see him for three, four years. So these are probably the two things that really made me realize, oh shit, that old version is actually dead. She's not going to come back. I'm sure she's somewhere in there. But especially with all that with my family, I think I assumed the role of protector for my little brother. And also kind of like... emotional punching bag from my mom who was like trying to figure out how to go from stay-at-home mother to like now taking on this role of figuring out where we're gonna live and all of that and I think that I just let myself be lost and let myself be angry and you wouldn't even recognize well you would like obviously the core of me is still the same but like how I'm so sensitive now and will like walk past old people and literally cry like I didn't cry for two years when all of that happened. I just was so angry and just like physically kept it all in my body. And I never admitted like how it affected me. I just was like, okay, well. I don't have like stuff to fall back on with my family. I need to be the one to do this for myself. So what I ended up doing was like throwing myself into being a high performer and graduated college by the time I was like 21 and worked a job from like age 16 and, you know, saved. Well, actually, my mom did help me with getting a car, which was really kind of her, but, you know, saved up and paid the rest of that car off. And I was just like. trying to be the one to do this for myself. And then that opportunity came in 2020 where like, I was just posting on TikTok for shiggles. And next thing I know, you know, I'm building a brand and able to like provide for myself and was able to like save up and move out of my house. And I didn't expect the crash that came once I left my hometown. And it was a necessary crash. Like I sort of call it like the... dark night of my soul because I think before I started the business, I was coming out of like the teen fog and 2019 was the first year that I got to go to Jordan and see my dad with my brother. And I remember having a panic attack there, but like not knowing what that was. And I just literally thought I was like dying. And, you know, then I just like told myself it's okay. Like he's, he's back in our lives and the world keeps spinning. Like we get to have a normal normal life from this point. And in 2021, like being here in Hawaii, I just absolutely fell apart. Like I didn't realize that suppressing like all those years of emotions like would wreak havoc in my nervous system. I was just a nervous wreck. I overthought everything and it was so like counter what my... persona was online who was very like self-love like body neutrality food is fuel like wake up and tell yourself you're a bad bitch but I was like wait I don't feel like a bad bitch I feel like I'm crying over like my 13 year old shame that I took on or like hurting my high school boyfriend or like not being as there for my brother as I could during years or like you know it was all these different things. you really start to like see who you are and what you sweep under the rug when you sit in in solitude with yourself.

• Speaker #0

  And what was it that helped you? Because I feel like for me, that's still something that I'm really working on. And I wouldn't say I'm like at the other end of it yet, kind of forgiving myself for the things I've done in the past. Because I mean, we're all human. We all make mistakes. And I've definitely made some mistakes for sure. And I think it's really hard for me to separate like what I did in the past with who I am now. And I think I've kind of forgiven myself for some of those things that I've done to hurt, you know, myself or other people. But I feel like that's still something that I I sit in that a lot. I sit in the shame or just the disappointment in myself from things I've done in the past. So how would you say that you like healed from those things that that shame in the past?

• Speaker #1

  Yeah, I think understanding like when you're in a place where you're not fully right with yourself, you move in a way where like whatever you were doing was what you needed to do to meet your own needs. Maybe you weren't considering other people. Maybe you made mistakes. Sure. But like at the end of the day, we're constantly changing. We're not fixed. and who we were even a month ago like isn't who you're you are now at any moment you can change and I think just we put so much pressure on ourselves to have it figured all out and then it's like you're a teenager like you're you're literally in the thick of like figuring out who you are as a person and what relationships are and some of us don't grow up with like the healthiest examples of communication or like interacting with other people and it's just it's just all trial and error babe like I've been telling myself so often like my mess is my message like the things that I don't want to think about or the ways that I like haven't moved correctly in the past that ultimately it happened and I can lose more years of my life like still being in that state where I can

• Speaker #0

  move on like everybody else. Like they're probably moved on, you know, but it's like our your own conscience beats you up. And that also begs the question of like our addiction to suffering. I think that our mind, when we go certain thought loops, like it does make chemicals in your body. And then that can also be very addicting. And sometimes that's like our form of self-sabotage is like beating yourself up for. for not knowing better and and saying that this is like still me even though there's so much evidence that it isn't so I'm not sure if that answers your question but I think it's a process of really just accepting it and letting yourself like over and over speak love into the shame because shame thrives in secrecy and if you're not like talking about what it is that you're beating yourself up about even if you don't have other people in your life like obviously that's great to like talk about it with other people but i'm like speaking to you know the person on the end of this that's like wait but i don't have anyone in my life because like been there like everybody's been there yeah your life for like who am i gonna turn to like yeah so

• Speaker #1

  talk to yourself in the car and give shame a name my wonderful counselor pam always tells me that you can't slay it until you say it so I know that's not good yeah that is she whipped that out once and I was like okay that's a good one thank you Pam love you yeah I like that what would you tell someone at the other end of this microphone who is learning to befriend their being or they're questioning like what that looks like and how to get there it's tough because I think that it is very unique

• Speaker #0

  to every single person and I also think we take in so much. advice and the books are great the podcast the teachers the friends that you confide in like these are all amazing to have but at the end of the day like making space to really hear your own voice and getting in touch with what what it feels in your body to have an intrusive thought versus an intuitive nudge is huge because I do think that we have a roadmap sort of inside of us and whatever makes your soul kind of sing is like what you need to lean into more in this life and I think also just being patient and so so gracious with yourself is very important because we tend to make it a lot harder on ourselves just by being like oh why am I not here yet or why was I here two years ago and now I'm in this place like it's a constant ebb and flow and just letting all of those different contradictions of yourself exist and and not giving up on fighting the fight because keep on going going back to the title like why we thought it was important to talk about befriending your being is like this is you like who we are for life you're in our bed you're with yourself yeah so whatever you feel called to explore to help you have a better relationship with yourself this is your one life and explore and I think it will always lead you deeper into

• Speaker #1

  A fulfilling life. A purpose-filled life.

• Speaker #0

  Exactly.

• Speaker #1

  Well, thank you again for coming on. And I hope you know how much I love you and look up to you. And you are doing amazing, beautiful things in the world. And you continue to inspire me and anyone else who knows you. So I'm very, very proud of you. You too. But till next time.

• Speaker #0

  Yes. Yes, definitely. Thanks Stop Wasting Your Life fam for having me. It's been a pleasure.

• Speaker #1

  It's been a pleasure.

• Speaker #0

  So if you want to connect with me, my platform is Wholesome Han pretty much on everything.

• Speaker #1

  Wholesome Han.

• Speaker #0

  Hannah Giroir is the name.

• Speaker #1

  And that concludes the end of our episode. I really hope you enjoyed it and our conversation with Hannah. And just a little reminder, if you are interested in that Hawaii house giveaway, You can go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com, click on the giveaways tab and follow the link to learn all the ways that you can be entered to win. I love you all. And I hope that you learn something today that you can take maybe something that we said and use it to build a purposeful, beautiful life that you love waking up to. So I look forward to talking to you guys next week.

• Speaker #0

  We love you.

• Speaker #2

  Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review, give us a follow, and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com, and we will see you next week.