Speaker #0Yesterday, I found myself in the middle of a total meltdown. Everything had been going well with my business. In the month of June, I officially made more from entrepreneurship than I made in a month of my corporate job. I've been enjoying the challenge of each day. And then, bam, I got hit with a low. And to be fair, that day, it was one thing after another. I didn't sleep much that night because I'm seven months pregnant, enough said. Then I had a conflict with a friend on text message. Then I found out the coil in my air conditioner went out, which is going to cost thousands of dollars. Then I had a coaching session where I felt like I just didn't do my best and an intense EMDR session. And finally, the day wrapped out with a meeting with my business coach that left me questioning what the hell am I even doing? And that was the final straw. It set me off. After that meeting, the headline was, yeah, I'm building something and it's been successful so far, But it's not enough. I'm not enough. I need to do more. And then the F word came in. Failure. I felt like a failure. And after that, it was spiral city, honey. It was straight up twister in here, okay? But from the puddles of my tears came a lesson that I want to share with you. And that is how to deal with a creative or career spiral. Now that I have a little distance from it, I'm going to share how I'm getting through it. and how you too can guide yourself when you inevitably go through a creative spiral or just a spiral in general. Welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso, the show that helps you claim your birthright to creativity and go after your wildest dreams by sharing tools for self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge. As I mentioned on today's pod, we're going to go through how to recover from a creative spiral, which is a time when you melt down. over career, creativity, or just the general toils of being a highly sensitive person in this world. So to go into it further, I really now reflecting on it, think that yesterday was just a bad day. I have this thing, I am such an optimist that sometimes until I see something listed out, I don't even realize how much pressure I was under. I mean, there were so many stressors that piled up yesterday. I hate to classify days as good or bad, but yesterday and looking back at and all the things that happened. It was a genuine challenge. So as I mentioned at the top, there were a few things that went wrong, but what really set me off was feeling like I wasn't doing enough in the business. And this is my go-to when I'm under moments of stress. My go-to shame talk is you're not doing enough. You need to do more. What's wrong with you? You haven't accomplished enough. Sometimes if it's really dark as it was yesterday, I go into you're a failure or I feel like you're a failure or you're not smart enough to do this or something really damning. Okay. And yesterday, I had all those things happen. And then I went into right after the therapy session, which was like going into a memory from second grade in a classroom that made me feel dumb. I went into this coaching session and my coach is amazing. She's helped me through so much. I love her to pieces. And she has a really big vision for me. She can like see from the future as most good coaches can and they can see everything you're capable of and they want you to accomplish it now. And so she was coming at me with a lot of different things that she wants me to do in order to grow my career and achieve the life of my dreams that I have been going after for many years now. And some of the things she was asking me to do, she had asked me to do the following week, which created a feeling of shame in me. And I hadn't achieved those. So I walked away, long story short, feeling completely overwhelmed. And last week, I mean, this was actually like a lead up that had a lot to do with even things that happened far before yesterday. Like last week. We really had a lot of focus put on medical appointments because we're getting closer. I'm actually at 33 weeks now and preparation for the baby. We were in classes for the baby three days last week. So it was a high intensity week as far as baby preparation. And I just was less focused on my career last week than I have been, which is understandable because I'm also prepping for another major job that I've never done, motherhood. So Long story short, didn't get as much accomplished last week as I wanted to. Then all those things happened yesterday. And it culminated with this feeling inadequate in my career, which sent me into a spiral. And in that moment where I was feeling inadequate in what I'm building, I thought, well, yeah, right now I'm successful. I had the best month that I've had so far and a better month than I would have in a full month of working corporate. But I'm going to have to keep building and keep pushing. And I'm not even 10%. of the way toward what I want and need to figure out. And I also started to think, God, I don't even know what I'm building. What is my business model? What am I doing? I just felt overwhelmed. Anyway, I had a massive crying spell. Thank God Tim was there and he asked me what I needed. And I just said I needed to cry and process. And so he held space. But I just felt like a failure in that moment, as I said, and I was spiraling. And from this experience, I really have since then broken down what happened because I actually felt a lot better after I let myself go through it and have been feeling better today as I have been taking action on some of the things I'm upset about. And so I want to share with you from where I'm at, which is still working through this, on what I did in order to get through this moment of... spiraling where there was a high stress day with many lifey things and also career stuff. And yeah, what I found to be effective so far and in the past. These are also things that I have used in the past that have been highly effective. So if you are having a day like I had yesterday where it's just a pile up, it's one thing after another that is either going wrong or glitching in your life, the first thing to do when you are reaching that breaking point, which I was reaching that breaking point before I even stepped into that. coaching session, but that coaching session put me over the edge. The first thing you're going to want to do is acknowledge the feeling or belief that is coming up in you that is causing you to get to the brink. So acknowledging all the things that have happened. Like I said, it wasn't until today when I listed everything out that I was like, oh shit, yesterday was intense. And then acknowledging the feeling that's coming up in you and then the belief, naming what's happening. So that's the first step. The next step, or maybe you're going to do these things concurrently, I kind of did that, is having a full cry fast. So I really believe in getting it out. I think a lot of adults grow up and they stop crying the way they did when they were kids. That couldn't be me. I throw myself on the ground sometimes, obviously not right now because I'm pregnant. I need to be careful of the sweet little belly. But I will like fully cry with sound, sometimes with like... pounding the ground, asking why. It's a somatic experience for me. And because I let myself fully go there with crying, I really believe that I have like a full expression of the emotion and then I'm able to come out of it. And I was laughing within an hour, I believe, because I let myself fully cry and fully feel it and name what was happening in me. So that's step number one. Okay, next, when you've come out of it a little bit, maybe you've let yourself have the full emotional breakdown. You pounded the floor, you cried like a baby. The next thing you're going to want to do, and this is something I've brought up many times, whenever it comes to a negative voice, I think it's a really powerful technique to ask the self-critical voice what it wants from you. This could be a shame voice. It could be a fear voice. For me, it was the voice telling me that I was a failure. Most of the time when that voice comes up in me, it's... trying to get me to work harder, to stick it out, to succeed, you know? And so that is lovely. That's a beautiful intention. Unfortunately, the approach of calling me a name isn't very inspiring. And so I advise for you and for myself, like something I do is literally journal on these types of things. You know, it's like, what do you want from me? And then like, talk back. to the voice. It may sound a little woo-woo crazy, but it works. Tell it what would be helpful for you. Redirect it. It's got a lovely intention, but the way in which it's going about it is very hurtful. So ask the self-critical voice what it wants from you. Find whatever its positive intention is, which there's typically one, and you can do that through meditation. You can do that just through talking to it in your head, sitting there in silence, or through journaling. There's many different ways. Find out what it wants for you and then redirect it in a way that's more positive. Another thing is before you believe the story you're telling yourself. So this is the third step. Before you believe the story you're telling yourself, ask, am I actually failing for me? Am I actually failing or am I just exhausted, overwhelmed, underslept, emotionally activated, pregnant, processing something in therapy and scared? Looking back on it, yes, my business is something that definitely upset me and made me feel like I wasn't doing enough, but it wasn't actually the full problem. I was exhausted. I was processing a lot in therapy that I think actually was coming out through that because the stuff I was processing in therapy were big creative wounds created when I was just a little kid, eight years old. And I think maybe some of that was coming out then. I'm dealing with pregnancy hormones. I was handling unexpected expenses in a time that's already stressful because I'm starting a new business and having this baby. And then my brain latched onto the thing that felt easiest to blame, my go-to, and the last thing that set me off, which is my work, my career, my business. So it's important to name everything that contributed to the feeling, why you're feeling what you're feeling, all the reasons, so that you can treat the issue or issues appropriately and tend to all pieces. For me, it's not just a... tactical, practical thing that's going on, right? There's a lot of emotions wrapped up in this and beliefs wrapped up in this that need to be tended to. Okay, step four. Gather evidence from reality and honor your wins. Usually when we're in one of these spirals, we're being incredibly dramatic and we're seeing a very small piece of the picture because again, maybe we're in an emotionally vulnerable place, something set us off and we went back into an old belief or thought pattern or cycle or spiral. So gather evidence from reality and see all your wins. Even if you've kind of achieved 1% of what you want to do, Look at that. and honor it. So for me, I did just have my most successful month yet as a business person. That is a huge win. Less than two months after I started, while seven and a half months pregnant, that is something to celebrate. And my baby's kicking right now, so I know he's proud of me too. So yes, I have to and want to keep building and I want to get more intentional about what I'm building. And I am also doing objectively great and I can be proud of myself. All right. So whatever you're dealing with that is sending you into a spiral, look at the full picture. Look at what you are doing well. Look at what you can be proud of and let yourself feel that. I think leading up to this moment, I was almost afraid to let myself feel that because again, I'm always scared, even despite my track record of incredibly hard work, that I'm going to take my foot off the gas and not push as hard as I want or need to. And my track record just doesn't show that. And so see what you've done well, what you're doing well, and make sure that in the midst of all this, while you're going through whatever pain you're going through, you celebrate your wins. All right, next. Number five, apparently. Figure out the reason behind the things you feel aren't going well. So for me, there are things that I genuinely want to do more of and better of. I want to book more speeches. I want. to have more of a product ladder in my business. And then obviously there's other things too, like home repair and getting prepared for the pregnancy and all kinds of things. So look at the things in your life that are causing you to spiral that aren't going well. And then ask yourself really objectively, what piece is in your control? And what piece of that thing that you don't feel is functioning optimally in your life? What piece is out of your control? For the things that aren't in your control, we have to accept them and have compassion for ourselves. Something I have been doing lately is looking at everything I want to get done. And I talked about this on a previous podcast recently, looking at everything I want to get done and knowing I won't be able to get everything done, probably. I might never be done. And at some point, it just has to be enough. And I feel like this idea lives in the same world. Looking at the things that are out of your control that you genuinely, like you've done everything right, it just hasn't taken yet. Accepting that and having compassion for yourself and like accepting your own disappointment, but just, you know, honing in and be like, hey, you've done everything you're supposed to do. That is incredibly soothing in a situation like this. And then when you're looking at the things that are in your control, just start listing them and take small actionable steps to rectify them. Usually, again, we can take at least a millistep. Is that even a saying? I don't think so. We could take a small step, okay, toward whatever it is that we want in life. Maybe we don't have all the answers. Maybe we are overwhelmed. But today we can do one thing. And that is good. That is enough, especially when you're in the middle of one of these big emotional spirals. So look at the things that aren't going well, figure out the reason they aren't going well, accept what's not in your control, and look at the things that are in your control and start to take small, actionable steps toward them. Reminders throughout this process. The unknown is part of it. You got to keep the faith. So it's okay to have moments like this, obviously. Like we're going to have them. We're human. We care a lot. We're most of us. I'm sure most of you listening are emotional creatures like me. And yet we can still keep the faith as things get hard. And I've been doing a really good job at this so far. But again, yesterday was just too many things. So you have one bad day. It doesn't mean that you're doing bad. It's one bad day. And later that night or even the next day, remember to keep the faith and get back into the love of it. Small steps are still steps. This is something I mentioned in the last one, but even if you get 1% closer to your goal, that is something. Take it, honor it, celebrate your wins. That is a huge thing. Zoom out, look at the full picture. You may be telling yourself a story that is just a fraction true or maybe not true at all. You know, for me, there were a lot of things going on yesterday that if I could have really seen them all listed out, I would have thought, okay. I'm a little upset about this, but what I'm really upset about is this full picture. And also remembering that things are really going well overall and to have gratitude for that. And lastly, be honest with yourself about what is bothering you most and what you can do about it. What is out of your control, but what can you do about it? So there you have it. If you find yourself currently in a creative spiral or any kind of spiral at all, these are steps you can take to move through it. I'm currently on the final step. I believe it was step six or five for those of you that were counting. I will keep you updated on how it goes. But all I can say is after doing the first several steps today, I'm feeling so much better. And I feel like I actually have a game plan to move forward in a way that is productive for me, for the business and for my general life goals. So thank you so much for listening and for being a part of my new life as a full-time creative business owner. Your support means the world. world. If you want to work with me as a creative coaching client or podcast consulting client, you can reach out on my website's contact page or email me lauren.lagrasso at gmail.com. If this episode resonated, please send it to a fellow creative, share it on socials, give us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or and a rating on Spotify. It means the world helps the show get discovered and pushes us up the algorithm. You can find us at Unleash Your Inner Creative and at Lauren Lagrasso. Unleash Your Inner Creative is executive produced and hosted by me, Lauren LaGrasso, with music by Liz Full. I love you and I believe in you. Stay safe. Don't spiral. We'll talk next week. But if you do have to spiral, just use the steps. You'll be fine. Love ya.
