- Speaker #0
You have the dips where you don't have physical contact with people. And for me, that's anxiety inducing to not have those people that are there with you finding someone like a therapist or someone to sit there. Like for me, for instance, when you go in, she's sitting there telling you, hi, you have no choice. You have to do this. I mean, sometimes you realize you're in a deep place where you didn't realize how bad it was. And then somebody on the outside is saying, hi, it's bad. Like, you've actually got to have friends. You've got to do something about this. I mean, that's kind of the story, how it went for me. You know, you got your dips.
- Speaker #1
So one of the things I look back on was moving to New York. And I moved blindly. Like, I didn't move knowing how much my rent was going to be or where I would live or how long I would live here or what it would look like. I mean, I literally had no idea. And I was so excited that I got here. cried for like probably three weeks. I called my old roommate who I was with in college and I was like, I can't do this. I need to come back. And she like talked to me. I'm like, you'll figure it out. You'll figure it out.
- Speaker #2
Welcome to It's Both, the podcast where we explore the messy, beautiful contradictions of being human. I'm your host, Nikki P. And each week I sit down with real people navigating life's complexities. Those moments when life isn't just one thing, it's so many. And this week, I sit down with two of my oldest friends, Lacey and Audrey, to talk about the complexities around friendship, personal growth, and our shared experiences from childhood. We talk about how you maintain long-distance friendships for such a long period of time, what that looks like, the ebbs and flows of friendships throughout different phases of life. the struggles of making new friends as adults, and those moments where we have challenges around balancing personal needs with the expectations of others. We even get to share some really fun and ridiculous stories from our childhood and our teen years and growing up together. So, let's jump in.
- Speaker #3
So, today we're talking about friendships and I thought, who better to have on my podcast than two of my oldest, longest friends, Lacey and Audrey. So I think let's jump in and Lacey, we'll start with you. And if you could just introduce yourself a little bit to everybody listening.
- Speaker #0
Hi, I'm Lacey Mitchell. I was born and raised in Mississippi at Columbus, Mississippi. And I've been kind of all over the place since then with my husband in the military. And we ended up in Atlanta, Georgia. I have two daughters, a 12-year-old and 8-year-old. And they are... the best things I could ever have. I was a stay-at-home mom until, well, off and on. Until about two years ago, I got a job at a preschool, and now I'm a preschool teacher. I love books. I'm a book girly. I love book podcasts. I love a good show with my husband at night. I think one big thing that sets me apart from other people is my empathy, if you guys know this.
- Speaker #3
Absolutely.
- Speaker #0
For everyone around me can make me so overwhelmed with life that my anxiety, or as my therapist used to tell me, it's not my anxiety. It's the anxiety that I can set apart.
- Speaker #3
I like that a lot. The anxiety. That's a big difference. Like that makes a difference.
- Speaker #0
She always was very much like, it's not a piece of you. It's something that's separate from you. And we're going to get rid of it. So it will bolster up. anxiety that I deal with. So I'm learning in my 30s how to tamper that down, calm down my empathy, focus on myself. So that's probably the big pieces of me that I've noticed as of late.
- Speaker #3
I love that. And that's so accurate. I mean, that's, I think, how Audrey and I would both describe you.
- Speaker #0
I love that.
- Speaker #3
Okay, Audrey, well, let's hear a little bit about you.
- Speaker #1
I always say I was born and raised in Columbus. I was not born in Columbus. I was actually born in New Jersey, and then we moved there when I was one, so fun fact.
- Speaker #3
I did not know that.
- Speaker #1
I know, no one does. You didn't know that either? I didn't admit it until, well, I'll get to my New York, but I didn't admit it until I got to New York, because people were like, where? Minnesota? And I was like, oh, I was born in New Jersey. They were like, oh, cool. Anyway, so I lived in Columbus most of my entire life, went to college, Mississippi State, graduated in finance, and had the big dream of... Working in the Big Apple, I think I thought I would be there for like three years. If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. And here I am, 13 years later, still living here. So I moved to New York right after college, got a job, met my husband, now husband, a month after moving here. Most of you two will know, I didn't hold on to steady relationships at all. So it was a shocker that I would move somewhere brand new and meet my husband a month later. He's a Long Islander. We live in Long Island today and hopefully one day we'll live somewhere a little more south to be closer to you all. But I have a son, one son, he's three, he's amazing, he's the love of my life, super sweet and just a really fun age. I like this age a lot. I've learned I'm an extrovert and I need people to feel good energy so I really enjoy being around people as much as possible. And I love being a mom. I know it's a title, but I think I anticipate a motherhood looking a little different for me, which you all know. And I am very, very driven for success, which is what I am working in in my 30s, is balancing that because I'm learning at the same time success doesn't necessarily bring you the happiness. So finding things now that I'd want to do outside, I like to do athletic stuff, which I have none of that in my life right now, as you know. But I like to do that stuff. I like to go out and see new places and travel. I absolutely love to travel and meet new people, see different cultures and what people are doing. And I would just say I like surrounding myself with good people and people that aren't like me. I've learned that about myself. I really thrive off of being around people who are different than me. Other than that, one thing that's a little different than when I was younger and dragging you guys outside the house all the time, I could not sit home. I do enjoy it time now. I enjoy it now. There are times where I'm like, I can't be around anybody and I need to just watch a chick flick and something mindless. So that's been a little bit of a shift for me. Probably a little overstimulated these days.
- Speaker #3
I can't imagine why. No, I love that.
- Speaker #0
Wait, I've got to hear Nicole do an in-depth of herself though.
- Speaker #3
Oh.
- Speaker #0
You did a test. You got to do it now.
- Speaker #3
okay, this is always so hard for me. I was born in Kansas City, Kansas, but I grew up then for many years in San Antonio. And then when I was about 11, and my mom and I moved like all the time growing up. But then when I was 11, I moved to Columbus, Mississippi, which is where our lives intersected. And I was there for about five years, and then went to Kansas again, and then I went to Dallas and then I went back to Mississippi and then back to Dallas. And I've been here to Nashville, which is where I've been since 2016, which is the longest I've ever lived anywhere. And it's amazing. Yeah. I never lived anywhere more than like a couple of years, I think. Really? Yeah. So this actually feels the most like home to me. So I'm a mom. I have three kids, a five, three and a one year old. I've been married to Bennett since 2018. I work at a nonprofit. also a licensed therapist. So those are all my titles. A little bit deeper. Oh, I think this is like really hard for me. This is one of the reasons I started this podcast because I don't know who, like I'm just trying to figure out who I am. And I think both of you understand that I haven't known me so long. Maybe you guys can help me figure this out in this conversation, but getting back to who I am is a little bit hard. I think I, by default, have been kind of programmed to just want peace for everybody around me and to make everybody happy and to take care of everybody and so I've always been seen as like I think y'all could be like she is crazy this is not true you're going in the right direction okay like everything that I've done I think has been okay is everybody else okay um and so what I'm trying to do now is like oh my gosh I don't actually know what I want or what I'm feeling because I'm so programmed to think about and similar to you like you described Lacey like I feel so much from others and I can always see a different perspective, it's really hard for me to not get sucked into feeling what others are feeling and then doing the things I need to do for them. So reining it back in because that's not what today's about. But if I had to say who I am, I think I'm easygoing. I think I love to have fun. I'm very social. I always want somebody around. But I'm not necessarily like the party kind of social. I want like my people. all the time and just those people. And then we can go out and go to a party. But I'm always like my favorite thing to do is like, can we just go and have coffee and talk? I love to have fun. I do. I would love to travel if I get into a phase where my kids can like travel again easily. Yeah, I think that's a little bit about me.
- Speaker #0
I love it.
- Speaker #1
I love that. I feel like the one thing we all have is I also carry the burden of others. It's definitely been a work and product, but I feel like I minimize Lacey knows my. my own issues because I'm like well everybody's struggling so hard you know and like yeah you take that on But you take it on and it is hard to focus on yourself. And it's almost easier. Sometimes I'm like, is it an app to not focus on yourself?
- Speaker #3
100%.
- Speaker #1
That's like maybe for another podcast.
- Speaker #3
Yeah. Part two, we'll have these regularly. No, I think you're right because I think it's not only it's being a woman. I think it's also our personalities, but it's being a woman. I think it's also growing up in that culture that we grew up in of like. as a Christian, it's the good thing as a woman to be those things, to caretake. And I'm not saying that's all bad. There's a lot of good intent, I think, behind that. But the majority of the burden of that falls, I think, to women like us, where now as we're adults, we're like, wait a second. I matter. I matter just as much as everybody around me.
- Speaker #0
Who am I? Who am I? Who is, where is, what's underneath all of this?
- Speaker #3
Yeah. And then you have kids and then, oh my gosh, it just, it goes away for a couple of years and you have to rein it back in. Yeah. So, okay. I think we all sort of touched on it. We all met in Columbus, Mississippi. This is what I want to start with because you guys, I think, knew each other for a while before me, right? I came in when I was 11.
- Speaker #1
It wasn't a year.
- Speaker #3
Oh, really?
- Speaker #1
We got in fifth grade. We were, I was 10. I want to say, Lacey, you were nine.
- Speaker #3
I think I came in in the sixth grade year and then like halfway through the sixth grade year.
- Speaker #1
That makes sense. Oh, yeah.
- Speaker #3
Were you guys close before I came in? Because I want to tell kind of my perspective and then hear your perspective on how we all met.
- Speaker #1
No. So Lacey. I honestly don't remember. Lacey was for sure. I mean, this is we're talking elementary school, guys. So, like, you have your best friends. Yeah. Right. And, like, some friends that age can't have multiple friends and all that jazz. So her best friend was Summer.
- Speaker #0
I mean, I remember this.
- Speaker #1
But we were all friends. But I didn't say we were, like. the closest but I can't say like fifth to seven I just know like we ran in the same circle but I feel like we got closer probably towards that sixth seventh period yeah yeah because I remember starting and I was like so yeah
- Speaker #3
this okay I started to be wild it's got to be weird and I want to know Audrey's specifically his perspective here because I was like terrified and I remember coming in and it was such a like it was such a small school for those who don't know. Like, first of all, we're in a town in, you know, nowhere in Mississippi. And the populations at that time was like 30,000, I think. And you're at a private Christian school, which had one class per grade.
- Speaker #0
So 20, 25 students.
- Speaker #3
Yeah, it was small. And I remember coming in and like my first day was a field trip, which was horrible. I was like, who do I sit by on the bus? I don't know. And I don't remember, but somehow Lacey. You and I connected very early on and I just like was like, yep, I connect to Lacey and I just like leeched on. I was like, oh my God, I need a friend. Like I need a safe friend. It was funny because I remember Audrey was like, you were like the cool girl.
- Speaker #1
I do not remember this, but thank you. That's so nice.
- Speaker #3
Not that Lacey, you weren't cool, but there was just a different vibe. You were cool, but you were like, I don't care. I'm just going to like do my thing.
- Speaker #1
You're right. That's a good way to describe it. Like I could have cared less. Yeah. If I was cool or not cool one year or the other.
- Speaker #3
But that like made you, because you were like a cheerleader. I just remember all the boys were like,
- Speaker #0
yeah.
- Speaker #1
Well, that's very kind. I did not feel that way at all. I mean, I was getting like acne. I was like putting that press powder on top of it at the time. Like guys, like it was not cute. I don't think I got confident until my acne went away. Because it's just hard. Like you're a girl and you're going through so many changes. Yeah, I didn't feel that way. But thanks, I guess.
- Speaker #3
Yeah. It was just intimidating. It was intimidating because I was like, oh my gosh, she's so popular. And I remember, do you remember feeling like, I feel like we butted heads. Is this just in my head at first? And then we got super close. But at first- I think you did. Thank you, Lacey.
- Speaker #1
There was a truth. It would make sense. I will say I only remember the good. I don't know what's some kind of coping mechanism. But like, I only remember the positive about my relationships that are in my life for the most part. So like, but that would make sense. We were what preteens?
- Speaker #3
Wait, we were awful.
- Speaker #1
I was sure I was not a delight.
- Speaker #0
I don't think back then either of you were like a brush off type of person. I was very passive. We know this.
- Speaker #1
Oh, times have changed.
- Speaker #0
I don't think either of you were very passive at all. So I think it just very much made you. Oh. Well, let's say I kind of actually remember. Yeah,
- Speaker #3
now it's coming back.
- Speaker #0
I do remember like there's one memory like just to describe. Nicole around that age in particular.
- Speaker #3
Do it.
- Speaker #0
Do it.
- Speaker #3
Shine the light.
- Speaker #0
There was someone that she was angry with and she was behind them in class. And I remember her cutting a piece of their hair.
- Speaker #3
Seventh grade. What's that?
- Speaker #1
It was a whole thing.
- Speaker #0
She was like so angry.
- Speaker #1
I don't remember. I do remember that you cut someone's hair.
- Speaker #0
Maybe that's the not passive.
- Speaker #3
Audrey, it was.
- Speaker #1
We became friends because I do vividly remember that being like, all right, this girl is cool.
- Speaker #0
Audrey's like, yeah.
- Speaker #1
She must have done something really bad, though, because I am not a vindictive person. It was. I feel like you had the guts that none of us did.
- Speaker #3
Well, so here.
- Speaker #0
I couldn't even tell you who it was. I can't either.
- Speaker #3
I couldn't tell you either. And it's going to bother me. And like those, I feel like for people who don't know me, it takes a lot for me to get to that point. I will never. But It has to be about somebody else. Because if somebody else gets hurt or bullied or whatever, I'm like, mother effer, I'm going to like, you better watch out.
- Speaker #0
That was happening a lot in that year.
- Speaker #3
That year, I don't remember who, but there were like some intense bullies and there was stuff that happened in the bathroom. And they like turned the lights off and locked the door. And it was like terrifying for this girl. I just remember I was like, you know what? I can't do anything. So I'm going to cut your hair. I love it.
- Speaker #0
I could shoot.
- Speaker #3
And it wasn't like that much. It was like this much.
- Speaker #1
But I don't even think she knew it happened.
- Speaker #3
I don't think she knew it happened.
- Speaker #0
Off the bottom. Just got the dead ends off. We're going to wrap this around. It was kindness. Kindness. She was just getting the dead ends off.
- Speaker #3
That's true.
- Speaker #1
I remember that.
- Speaker #3
That was completely awful of me. There's really no excuse. But it's funny because, and I know this now, I think we were so similar in our stories and had gone through a lot. But you know you sense- You kind of sense that. And before you dig deeper to get to know them, it almost feels like a threat. And so I think when I came in, you were popular. Everybody loved you. You were also more like, to me, I think, quiet on the outside. So I was like, oh, how mean. She's so mean. And I'm like, she's not mean. She's just like quiet.
- Speaker #1
She's not. I still get that today.
- Speaker #3
Seriously?
- Speaker #1
Yes. I had an admin who I was trying to get to help me with a deck. And she met me in person. She was like, I'm just going to tell you the truth. I had anxiety that day because she like blacked out when I was talking to her. I was like, are you okay? Are you with me? And she's like, but I didn't know you then. So I didn't know how to, if I could tell you. She's like, now I know you're so nice. And I was like, oh, how did you perceive me? You know, but I still get that. It's weird.
- Speaker #3
I don't understand. I hate that. Like, cause I hate that judgment and a, and a like assumption made even on my end. Cause now I know you and I'm like, you are the sweetest, like least judgmental person. that I've ever met. So it's so opposite to what I initially thought. And I don't know at what point, I guess after I cut that girl's hair the next year, like we did come really close. And then I felt like it was the three of us and there were other people in and out, but like, I feel like that year, the three of us just connected. Yeah.
- Speaker #1
And then it was, that was it.
- Speaker #0
I think church did that too. I remember picking up one of you at different times all the time. Like it would be Audrey sometimes that I was picking. Actually, most of the time I was.
- Speaker #1
I have lived at Lacey's house. Yeah.
- Speaker #0
Yeah. And then we would pick up Nicole from time to time too. So.
- Speaker #1
We all lived very close too.
- Speaker #3
We did.
- Speaker #1
That was like amazing.
- Speaker #3
It's true. I went like, gosh, I wish that could happen again. But I do remember we also, we became like inseparable. And at one point, like, okay, so I talked about me and Audrey, But Lacey, you and I, I think prior to this. We were super close in that we would like buy the same clothes and wear the same shoes.
- Speaker #0
Jacket.
- Speaker #3
Jacket.
- Speaker #1
Oh, my.
- Speaker #3
I know. And we did it. I don't remember ever feeling like any competition either. It was just like, yeah, we're going to match.
- Speaker #0
No. I mean, I think, yet again, such different humans. Short, very petite, blonde, soft, like soft, quiet, passive. So I need friends like you guys who are the exact opposite of everything that that is. And I needed it then too.
- Speaker #3
So we got really close. I think I got into the church because probably you, Lacey.
- Speaker #1
I think that was her too with me.
- Speaker #3
Really? We got super close, I think, through all that. And I feel like we, I mean, there were maybe some bumps. There were for sure some bumps in the road between the three of us and the other girls that came in and out of the group. But ultimately, like, I feel like from that point on. Like it was the three of us plus. We did human video again. The episode.
- Speaker #1
So good. I'm not even going to regret that. I would do that again. Not now, but like if I had to do it again in my younger years, like it was so bonding. It was cool.
- Speaker #0
It really was.
- Speaker #3
It was bonding.
- Speaker #0
The things that we did there.
- Speaker #3
I think. I okay I for those of you who don't know what human video is I will just quickly explain if you imagine um like a lip sync battle except you can't really dance because you're in church and you have to sort of tell the story about being saved while you're lip syncing I don't it doesn't make any sense
- Speaker #1
but it's like a it's like the christian way you can dance and lip sync it's like interpretive movement yeah but not dancing maybe some language mixed in there for sure yes we did learn a good amount of sign language we did we did some helped i mean yeah or it grafted a lot that's true we're
- Speaker #3
gonna have to find some receipts of this and like i'm gonna overlay it on top of this because
- Speaker #1
I think I've relived my childhood because there's no receipts. Like I cannot imagine the people today. Like if I had this on video, I would die. There's no record of anything we've done.
- Speaker #0
Hang on.
- Speaker #3
There is record. Thomas. No, Thomas does.
- Speaker #1
What? Lacey's brother.
- Speaker #3
Yeah. He has videos of fine arts festivals. So they're not pictures. It is a little bit harder to grab and post. But. He 100% because he showed, okay, I'm going to get us back on track in a second, but I have to say this. I supervise people at my job and I always end up getting really close to whoever's on my team. And somehow, so Thomas's wife, Allie, I also was on my team and she got close to somebody else on my team that I supervised and they had him over for dinner. And freaking Thomas shows them the video of us at Fine Arts. Like I am her boss. I am this woman's boss and they watch, they get drunk and they watch me act in a pool in a fine arts festival where I was Jesus. It was like the worst one where I'm up on the cross, shaking, pretending to be Jesus.
- Speaker #0
I remember now.
- Speaker #1
How did you get to be Jesus?
- Speaker #3
They said I was the ugliest one out of the four.
- Speaker #1
You're a liar. That never happened.
- Speaker #3
I promise we'll get back on topic. But listen, it was, I'm not going to name names, three other women, girls at the time at our church who were older and more popular. Two of them started out saying, I can't be Jesus. Like, look at me. And then they were like, oh, you, the third person. They were like, yeah, you can't be either. And then they all just looked at me. And I was like, okay.
- Speaker #1
That was a very on par for that crew.
- Speaker #0
I think the memory is serving you wrong.
- Speaker #1
There's no way.
- Speaker #3
It was that. 100%. I told one of you.
- Speaker #1
I didn't believe her.
- Speaker #3
No, I told you. I think it was Audrey.
- Speaker #1
Sure. Well, I didn't believe her.
- Speaker #3
That mean.
- Speaker #1
They were so mean.
- Speaker #3
And they didn't say it directly. Yeah.
- Speaker #1
They were passive aggressive.
- Speaker #3
They just said, I'm too pretty. And then they would look at you. And I'm like, ooh. So in periodical fashion, my adaptive response was, I'm going to do this for Jesus. Like, this is actually the biggest gift that I can be given is to be Jesus. And I'm going to do it so well.
- Speaker #1
oh that's sweet i love this great good heart thanks then it led to me like you know like i can remember the hands yeah so
- Speaker #3
that was our childhood in a nutshell okay so then let's move forward we get kind of through our teen years and we start to disperse again different story but I move away. You guys are still there. You probably get a little bit closer, especially during this time. So talk to me a little bit about that.
- Speaker #0
She got a car first and then was always picking me up to take me everywhere.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
Just, Lacey, get ready.
- Speaker #1
I don't want to. Never want to.
- Speaker #0
I just want to lay here. She's like, I'm outside of your house. Come get in the car.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. And then Lacey got married and then Ben would travel. And she didn't like being alone. So I would come home from college.
- Speaker #3
I remember that.
- Speaker #1
Stay with me. Because she was scared. On base. On base.
- Speaker #0
The safest place that you could be.
- Speaker #3
Thank goodness. On the Air Force Base, right? For those.
- Speaker #0
Right. Yeah.
- Speaker #3
Yeah.
- Speaker #1
I had a, I had an idea at the time because my dad's Air Force. So that was helpful. So I could get on any time to save Lacey from thunderstorms or anything else that was scary.
- Speaker #3
I remember that.
- Speaker #0
Oh. Yep.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. And then I even worked out at the gym there, and I had one on campus. I never went to it. I just worked out there with her.
- Speaker #0
And then we start working out, and Audrey's noticing I'm getting larger instead of smaller with every workout. And, oh, come to find out I'm 16 weeks pregnant. And no one knew until,
- Speaker #1
yeah.
- Speaker #3
Did you not even know? How did I not know this? No,
- Speaker #1
she didn't know. I was pushing her, like, really hard because she's like, I want to get back in shape. Something's happening. And we're, like, pushing it to the core. Like, I'm like, more sit-ups, more sit-ups. Like, I loved working out. Although we would eat, like, tacos on the subway.
- Speaker #0
It's like, you're doing so good.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. And then one day she just kept getting larger. And then it was, like, the next week. She was like, how far along were you? You were so far along.
- Speaker #0
I don't know exactly. I know I was past first trimester. Yeah.
- Speaker #1
You were like five months, I feel like.
- Speaker #0
That is wild. Well, the first time I got to the doctor, I was about five months. Yeah. Because I wasn't able to get in for a month or two. And by the time I went to the doctor, we knew it was a girl. Full body. Was there. Yeah. You can relax, girl. You're just pregnant. I had taken the pregnancy test. I had done it all.
- Speaker #1
Did it happen? Yeah.
- Speaker #0
Well, okay. I was on birth control. What? Birth control. yeah the birth control gave me pregnancy symptoms so i was taking pregnancy tests like every month hang on what what kind of birth control were you on yes yes don't oh i remember yes okay now this is making sense unless you want a kid that's really cool because actually she's pretty great she is cool okay
- Speaker #1
oh she literally had four months to prepare i remember the shock that lacy like so much at a young age like she was just like most people get nine months and she was like Literally, four months and that's it she had to prepare for a kid. Yeah.
- Speaker #3
Well, and you were young. I mean, okay, this is again.
- Speaker #0
22.
- Speaker #1
So young.
- Speaker #3
You were married at what age?
- Speaker #0
21.
- Speaker #3
21. Yeah. Okay, this is coming back to me. Okay. Yes, yes, yes.
- Speaker #0
It's all coming back. Yeah.
- Speaker #3
It's all coming back.
- Speaker #0
I was doing that in my head.
- Speaker #3
Wow, this is wild. Okay. So then you got pregnant. You had like four months to prepare. Audrey was there by your side being like the sweetest friend ever.
- Speaker #0
You had moved, I want to say, like probably soon after I found out I was pregnant.
- Speaker #3
So then you move. You're in New York. Lacey is still in Columbus at the time. I'm in Texas. And somehow I feel like, I mean, there were obviously periods where we didn't talk for, well, you guys might have talked more. And then I probably talked to Lacey a lot because, again, I was married to your oldest. second oldest brother at the time. Oh, yeah. That's the thing we should probably acknowledge. Yeah. Do you want to turn it off?
- Speaker #1
Let it go.
- Speaker #3
We're not going to talk about it here. But in previous episodes, I've talked about having a previous marriage. But the connection for those listening is it was Lacey's older brother. So you and I. Such a scandal. I know. Small town. We probably still get talked about.
- Speaker #1
No.
- Speaker #3
But yeah, so Lacey and I we were able to keep in touch just because like I was always Christmas, Thanksgiving. I was there for the birth. Yeah. Yeah.
- Speaker #0
You were there for the birth.
- Speaker #3
I was. Oh, I was all up in it. Yeah. We did.
- Speaker #0
That's true. Yeah.
- Speaker #3
I was there for the birth and like right after kind of those hard moments. And then we left to go back home after a week or too. But yeah, I think and then Audrey, I feel like you and I still connected a lot. I think virtually there was a lot of things that like I needed your help on just to like get me through. And I think vice versa.
- Speaker #0
You're such work girls. I think that links you so well.
- Speaker #3
And we I think this is also the period around this time, Audrey, where like because of some of our experiences in childhood, I think we connected in a way that like only somebody. It was a different sort of like, hey, you understand what I'm going through. How are you processing this?
- Speaker #1
Yeah. I feel like we've had a lot of processing conversations. And I feel like you're so understanding. And then also, I feel like you give such good advice on stuff that feels so chaotic in my head. And you're just like, oh, yeah, it's totally normal. And I'm like, OK, good. It's not go crazy. Yeah, I think the beauty, and I've thought about this quite a lot. but
- Speaker #0
The beauty of like long distance relationships are really more than that childhood friendships is that it does ebb and flow and like your life does get crazy busy and stuff happens and there's big changes and like there are times where you kind of fall off the map and then when you come back it's like totally fine. It's like accepting that there's going to be ebbs and flows as long like with communication because you're not together all the time and like internally wishing you were together all the time like that too I feel like holds us all together it's like if we can't ever live in the same city and state that would just be amazing but it's like nice to have that because I feel like the demand on friendships today is just so much to like constantly be every single day non-stop like always up it's like we all have really busy lives so it's nice that we all give each other the grace to go through seasons and I love that about us
- Speaker #1
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- Speaker #2
Okay, I'll start. The way that I have had to do it since living here, which I've had times where I've had like no friendships where I've lived, or maybe just like one person that I connect with. There's been a couple of those. But here, I live in a neighborhood where there's a lot of people that it's easy to meet people. And I feel like that really helps. As your kids get to a good age where you're like able to go to the park with them and let them run around the park and the moms are on the side and they can chat. And yet again, I haven't changed. I'm still the person that is very introvert. It's the extroverts that come to me and are like, hi, so you need a friend? And I'm like, yes. And then so that actually happened to me. I have a friend here, Leah. She's the first person that I really met here. And she's a realtor. So, you know, they're very extroverted.
- Speaker #1
I said she's a real turd. And I was like, oh.
- Speaker #2
A real turd. A real turd. No, she's a real turd. She's great. A real turd. We met at our... our little park here in our neighborhood and she just came up and she was like actually no incorrect her grandma came up her grandma was there her grandma was like uh leah was on the phone because realtor she was talking to someone every time i say that now i'm going to think of realtor thank you real estate agent there you go it's a real estate agent um the grandma came over to me and just started chatting with me. And then she was like, Leah. There's a sweet girl over here that you might want to meet. And so me and her grandma, we're on good terms. We love each other. But me and Leah, that's how we met. And then she invited me to a Bible study. And that has really got me to meet more people. And then you really have to kind of like push yourself out there sometimes. I have other friends that like oldest daughter, she is in middle school. And you go to like these little. things where you know they're doing band or they're doing chorus or whatever it may be and you see the other parents and sometimes you just have to be like hi what's your name who's your daughter over there is are they close to mine let's let's be friends and so actually I have another friend who that kind of happened that way with it just it's more of a force like I'm going to be your friend I like you I like who you are we're gonna be friends okay and that's how we've become friends. So I think, you know. You kind of got to put yourself out there, even though it's not very fun, especially for people like me that would rather just stay in my little shell and read a book on the porch.
- Speaker #0
So I'm definitely on the struggle bus in this area. I think one of the things I say all the time, because I do have another like longer term childhood friendship that has gone through many seasons. that I've had. my newer friends be like why wouldn't you cut those people out i'm like you can't make new old friends you just can't there's no one that knows you like these people so like there's always like i feel like extra room for like fighting through times and also just frankly understanding that like everyone's going through their own stuff yeah so like everyone is living on their own trying to make new friends and like trying to also maintain so it's not easy like and So I always say that I've made some friends through work. Like you have, Nicole, I think, I think I discounted those more early on where it's like, well, this is work friends. Like you almost labeled them work friends. And then at some point you're like, I think we're real friends. Yeah. And then I begin to see, I met a lot of like, I have a really, really incredible, strong boss today. That's a woman. And most of her friends are in the industry and they're like. very tight-knit. They do everything together. They're just very, very close. So I think I've broken down the barrier to not allowing that to happen because the reality is we all met in school or church or some sort of establishment. What's really the difference with work if you find people that you trust and click with?
- Speaker #1
Yeah, no, it's not.
- Speaker #0
So I feel like that's a cool place to meet people and then like through other people, like Lacey said, but here it's just, I'm so different. Like I'm just at my core. I'm just raised so different. And so like I try to be, it's almost like I have to scale back what I say. Like I can't say what I really think, if that makes sense, in some of my friendships, because it would be like so judged, you know. So those are like friendships that are more like fun and like you get to do fun things with, but like you never really go deep with. Because how can you go deep when you can't really express yourself, you know. I feel like that's another thing. Like we've all changed so much since Columbus, Mississippi. We have different views. We may even have different political stances or views on world issues, but it's not like, oh, you have to believe what I believe. And I think that's really, really cool. And I think part of that comes from we all understand how we were raised and where we come from.
- Speaker #2
Oh, for sure.
- Speaker #0
So, you know, I do think, like Lacey said, putting yourself out there is probably the biggest. And I have, like, I frankly just have no capacity to do so. So I'm hoping at some point when I scale back and life looks a little different or if I'm in school stuff, when my son's older, I can make friends through that or frankly, just move and be closer to my friends.
- Speaker #1
Yeah, yeah.
- Speaker #0
People who get me.
- Speaker #1
And I think that's like you bring up a few good points because. I think there's also this, we know each other. We all have stated like empathy for each of us is a big thing. We're all very empathetic. And also, I think when you know someone from childhood, if you're willing to work it out and actually see the other person, then like you said, we don't have to, like, I don't necessarily want to just be friends with the people that are all like me and think the same as me. And, you know, we can say what we want to say about. any of the differences of beliefs or personality. And it's like, okay, I still love you. And I don't judge you. And I don't think any differently of you. We just, we're different. Like that's okay. And I think, I think that's so beautiful because I think so many people struggle with that, especially now. It's like, if you think something different of me or you think something different than me, like I'm going to cut you out of my life. It's like, no.
- Speaker #2
That's so odd.
- Speaker #0
Friends that I have today here that exist. And it's funny because they'll say something that like I firmly believe in. They're like, I stopped being friends with this person because they believe this. And I laugh because I'm like, you literally are friends with one now. You just don't know it. So it speaks to the fact that like it's really about people's core. You're allowed to believe what you want to believe.
- Speaker #2
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
It's really who you are at your core that connects you. And I think there's a confusion there.
- Speaker #2
If I see you're a good person, if I can feel it, you know, you only want the best for people, then. You may have different beliefs than me, but we can still get along.
- Speaker #1
Well, and I think I was also thinking what you were saying, Lacey, about. So when I think of adult relationships now, it's funny because I feel like I am dating. And I go, I get this like deja vu because I'm like, hey, how are you? I'll send a text. I'm like, do you want to get together? And then nothing. And you're sitting there staring at your phone like, are they going to text me back? Like I saw that they read it. It says that they read it. And like they're not texting me back.
- Speaker #2
Do you like hugs? Yeah. How would it feel if I touched your hand right now in this conversation? Is that too close?
- Speaker #0
We're like, hugging one is a weird one now. I'm like, can I, can I, no, hugs too much? I don't know.
- Speaker #1
Well, especially at work. Like I do, I get really close to anybody I work with. I think for me, my baseline is like, are you a good person? It's not really your personality. It's like, are you a good person? Okay, great. And then if you are, I'm going to just, I think innately get close to you if we work together or whatever. But yes, I think I also am a person who tends to just, I'm like, I don't want to overshare, but I also have no problem sharing.
- Speaker #2
You're going to have to be okay with sharing if you're friends with me because I lay it all there. I'm just very much like, this is what's going on in my life right now. This is where I've been.
- Speaker #1
I know.
- Speaker #2
If you like that, if you want to have conversations about that, let's hate.
- Speaker #1
I think all of us do that, at least with each other. Yeah. For sure. Because that's how I am too. I'm like, I'm just going to tell you what I'm thinking. But then in trying to make new friendships. I'll sit and think about it. I'm like, oh my God, why did I say that? That was so stupid. Why did I act like you just go back in and I think it reminds me of dating where I'm questioning everything I said and if I'm too am I coming on too strong for this person? Are they going to want to be my friend? It's a lot of when you talk about capacity, Audrey, I'm like, it's a lot.
- Speaker #0
A lot of energy, relationship building. People don't talk about it, but relationship building is a ton of energy. It's a ton of emotional energy, physical energy. Like it takes a lot out of you, but at the same time you need it. So it's like a necessary thing to do, you know?
- Speaker #1
And you throw in there, okay, so not only are we moms, we're all working moms to some degree. And like, even though we're all in different fields of work, you know, these are all things that are pulling for your attention. And then you, of course, have to maintain a marriage. Like, let's just not forget the weight of that.
- Speaker #2
Rest.
- Speaker #0
I do get rest.
- Speaker #2
Exercising.
- Speaker #0
That I'm not doing. Could you make us a checklist, Lacey?
- Speaker #1
Mental health. Yeah. Eating healthy, cleaning your house, organizing.
- Speaker #0
I do clean my house.
- Speaker #1
I'll see.
- Speaker #2
I don't know. You're doing good. That's your exercise. Good job. Proud of you.
- Speaker #1
It's funny. Yeah. When you say the checklist, I'm like, what do I let go when I don't have capacity? Oh, my house. 100%. I'm like, I don't care.
- Speaker #0
I wish. Lacey can't do that. And my husband would die if that's what I did. Mine is definitely cooking.
- Speaker #1
Oh, me too.
- Speaker #2
It's like, think about what do I let go of? Exercise is gone.
- Speaker #0
Exercise is gone, guys. It's gone. Where is it? And I miss it. And I love it.
- Speaker #2
But I'm like, why do you plug this?
- Speaker #0
How does this work?
- Speaker #1
I do that five, six days a week. but I let the other stuff go. Yeah.
- Speaker #0
When do you plug workout time? Like what's your?
- Speaker #1
I cannot be that person that gets up early. I get up at 530. I mean, I have three kids and they're all in different stages. I can't do that. So like I wake up at 530, get ready, get the kids out to daycare and school. And then I will do it at the very end of the day. So I do 40 minutes of a workout. I love that. 30 or 40.
- Speaker #0
I do love that. I love that. Part three, prioritizing yourself.
- Speaker #1
Because it just makes, and I also sit all day. So I'm like, I have to do exercise or else I don't feel good physically. And yeah, but I let the house go. And I also have three kids. So I've given up like hope of my house being.
- Speaker #0
In all fairness, I have one. So it's pretty like, I mean, he like helps clean up and he's like, okay, this is so fun.
- Speaker #1
that's amazing my kids are just literally screaming throwing things they're like like it is chaos so making friends have any you don't have to like say their names but when you've made the closest friends that you've made as an adult how did you make those like where did you find them how did you cultivate that like what did that look like for each of you
- Speaker #2
I think I did a little bit of mine mine you know it it started with just The first one was just like meeting and then Bible study. That really, I hadn't ever had that as an adult. As a, you know, our teenage years, we did Sunday school and it feels the same to me as Bible study. But yeah, Bible study is where we really got close because you open up so much. And when we first started, it was just like, I think it was five or six of us in the Bible study. So. It was very easy to cry. And I was going through a lot at that time. So I cried a lot. And so did she. And so, and we live in the same neighborhood. So we drove there together and we would drive back together and then we would talk. And before you know it, you're, we also have kids the same age. Her youngest is the same age as my youngest. Well, her only kid is the same age as my youngest. So we would get them together and then you get to talk as moms. But then. Another close one that I have, it started because Maddie is friends with her daughter. And that helps a ton. Yet again, when you have a kid who's the same age, and then turned out that she had a second daughter who's the same age as Harper. So we get together all the time because that just is super easy. Both kids are very happy. Well, all four kids are very happy. And they're just off doing their own thing. And we can just sit there and talk about anything, which is nice. And. Actually, she is big like fitness person. So I started the Y with her. She just had surgery. So we've been out of it for a while. We're going to get back in it. We're going to get back in it. And I'll actually prioritize my physical health again. There's that. But yeah, I think just really, I remember we had one trip together. We were going to a little city about an hour away. We're going to Lazy River. And it started pouring down rain that day, so we couldn't go because it was so hard, like torrential rain. But we had a lot of time to just sit in the car and just delve into it. And like I said, I don't hold back. If I know that I like you, I know that we could be friends. You're a great person. You've got a really good heart. I'm going to get into the very nitty gritty and the hardest pieces of my life. And if you don't, then... I know that, you know, maybe I'm going to back off and find somebody else because this isn't going to work for me. But if you start delving in, I'm like, all right, let's go. We're best friends. You're going to have me for life. So that's basically what happened with her, too. And now I have really two super close friends here who I can go to with anything I need.
- Speaker #1
But there were times where, and I mean, I know your story, like you guys moved around a lot for various reasons. reasons. And I mean,
- Speaker #2
there were times right where you didn't have that or didn't find yes well covid we moved yeah we moved during the middle of covid and so chances of meeting people is really slim you couldn't you couldn't go to any event there weren't any events there weren't any school things we didn't have a neighborhood that did like you get together anywhere there's no like local spot where people are like together so that was very hard and That was during some of the hardest times of my life. And my therapist, we moved right after that. And my therapist was just like, listen, you have no choice. You are going to have to make friends because she heard a lot about you guys. I have friends. I have these people that I call with everything. And she was just like. I understand that you have them and I love that you have them. I think that's amazing. But you have to have physical contact. You've got to have somebody that can put their arm around you and say, it's okay. And be there for you. Bring you food. You know, just be at your door. Help with your kids. If you need something, they're there in physical form. Keep the friendships that have lasted forever that, you know, they're not there physically right now, but they're there emotionally. But also you have to have physical contact. So when I moved, it was just like, OK, fine. I actually have to be good and be like, hi,
- Speaker #0
who are you?
- Speaker #1
I did it. I did it. Yeah. And that's like the most I think when I think of the both of this situation. It's the most beautiful and heartbreaking because you love people so much and it's so beautiful and nothing can replace that friendship. And also, it can't be everything because they're not there with you. Correct. And there are pieces that no matter how close we are, it's not going to fulfill that need for like actual physical closeness and the intimacy that you do get with friends when they're close to you and in person. And I think that's to me like the most heartbreaking. like every day that I think about this, I'm like, I just, it just, it, it makes a difference, you know, and I want both of those types of friendships. So yeah, it's hard. Yeah. What about you, Audrey?
- Speaker #0
I feel like I'm probably in like, Lacey, Louisiana, Indiana days where it's just like, I'm just like getting through, you know, like I just, I get through. I don't know what else to say. And I think it's hard because the toddler age, it's not the same as school age. Mm-mm. So I know those days will come, but like, and I have like a very, very close friend here. Like I said, I have my industry friends, but like I see them at all my industry events and it's amazing to have those. And I tend to cling closely to the women that are in a similar stage of life where we can like, be like, this is really hard. And like, my son just called me screaming, come home. And like, they get it. You know what I mean? Like, so we tend to, we tend to flock as a team and we do stuff together because it's like someone who understands you. which I think is wonderful. And then I have some that like we've changed firms. So we haven't worked together in years. And we have stayed very, very close. And that would probably like my closest friend. And then the other I met through Craig, when I first moved here, we were very, very, very close. But life and family, like their whole family is here and their entire upbringing is here and their entire friendships. And so like, they're just like so, so busy all the time and then with my business with work like one of them's a stay-at-home mom so like she's for you during the week but I'm only free on the weekend and the weekend's her time to go out with her friends and family that like you know so that one there's just like I think seasons again that's probably a seasonal thing but I love that you said like through the bible study because I think at the depth of it like again the core of your friendships you're making Lacey is a foundational core belief of some kind even if it doesn't align across the board it's a core belief that connects you together, I feel like there's still like, it's hard to find friendships where I can be like really authentic because my authentic view is very controversial here.
- Speaker #2
But I don't judge people. You actually,
- Speaker #0
yours are too.
- Speaker #1
I feel like yours are opposite,
- Speaker #0
like you're in the opposite.
- Speaker #2
I'm very honest. Like I will just lay it out, you know,
- Speaker #1
because you're, you're essentially for those listening, like Lacey's in a Southern state.
- Speaker #0
Yes.
- Speaker #1
And probably, tell me if I'm wrong, probably has views that are different than maybe those often in the southern space.
- Speaker #2
Yeah.
- Speaker #1
And then.
- Speaker #2
I understand them. Yeah. Like, I get it. I grew up around southerners. I get the place where they're coming from. And it's still the core value to me. If it's coming from a good place, however you got there, I may have come to a different place than you. But we can still unite on the fact.
- Speaker #0
that we're good people like down to the core of it we're good people and we can still be we can still unite and be friends yeah i can still have conversations with you for sure we fail but that's not how everyone feels and that's the challenge here is a very extreme view of like if you don't agree with me and you especially on like the very controversial topic so it's like you're bound to know many people that believe the same thing or something different But... But it's that. It's not, like, the core. So my friendships have ironically been built off of who I am, but not necessarily what I believe. So I don't have, like, a sort of friendship where I'm like, I could go to you for, like, the hardest times that are personal for me because you may not even agree. Or that you have an unbiased opinion because sometimes I want you to agree with me. I'm glad if you do and I'm right. But sometimes I need the opposite where you're like, maybe this. isn't the best thing or maybe you're thinking about this or maybe think about it differently like I don't have that here so I mean obviously I have my husband and his family here which is super nice um so we at least have like a small community but it's something we talk about you know I'll just say I'm like in the I'm in the in-between.
- Speaker #1
Well, I think a few things both of you were saying stood out to me. I think one, when you're adults, the three things that are core to like making relationships at any age and why it's so easy when you're younger is you're in the same phase of life, proximity. So you're always in the same space, whether that's school or a club or whatever. And I think values. And so when you are our age, like you disperse. So proximity goes out the window. And then... you also are in different phases of life. And so some may or may not have kids. And for those that don't have kids, like when you have kids under school age, I can't tell you that like isolation and loneliness and restrictions that get put on you because you have to care for these like very young humans that are very, it's restrictive. It's like so impossible to go out and make friends. Like Audrey, I mean, you're obviously, you know. in that stage. And I am too. I have one that's in school, but it's hard. Everything revolves around that. And so if you don't also match up with somebody who's in the same phase, they're not going to understand or want to go back. Some people might have older kids and they're like, oof, I don't know that I want to go back to like hanging out at your house because I just got out of hanging out at my house for five years. Like I need to go out. Yeah. So I think that's super hard and I have similarly, I think what The way that I have found to make friends is, is there something that we're all involved in? Like that's one way I'll say. Whether it's work. Yes. Or like an activity or a friend group or like something that is getting us together on a, you know, a basis. Whatever I'm trying to say there.
- Speaker #2
Maybe not even weekly.
- Speaker #1
Not even. Oh, gosh, no. It's like once a month. For sure. And then I think friends of friends. That's another thing that I've really tapped into is like a friend has a. party, which is like once a year that I go to a party, it's like, woo. But we go to a party, we have a dinner party, and you meet people and you start talking. And I am now the crazy one who's like, can I have your number? I would love to hang out. Can we just hang out? And whether they become super deep friendships, it's just cool. I think that's another way to connect is through friends of friends. Because I also go, okay, if you're somebody that I trust, I'll use my friend Heather. And then she has a close friend. I'm like, you vouch for this person? All right, cool. All right, let me get you. Can I get your number?
- Speaker #0
A referral.
- Speaker #2
Let's go get this referral. Let's all hang. Oh,
- Speaker #1
I love it. I think as we wrap up, when you think about sort of the tension and all of this of friendships and, you know, both longstanding friendships from childhood and also making new friendships to kind of meet the need that we talked about, how do you deal with that tension? Like, how do you deal with that uncertainty or? the both of those experiences? Like, how do you move through that and deal with it? Because it is, it's not easy and there's not a clear answer. So how do you guys handle that? Deal with that? Process that?
- Speaker #2
I think it's always just been like a learning process. We've had the dips where, what Audra's going through right now, you know, you have the dips where you don't have physical contact with people. And for me, that's anxiety inducing. to not have those people that are there with you. So finding someone like a therapist or someone to sit there, like for me, for instance, when you go in, she's sitting there telling you, hi, you have no choice. You have to do this. I mean, sometimes you realize you're in a deep place where you didn't realize how bad it was. And then somebody on the outside is saying, hi, it's bad. Like you've actually got to have friends. You've got to do something about this. I mean that's kind of The story, how it went for me, you know, you got your dips. You've got someone from the outside telling you, you have no choice. You have to do something about this. And then having to force yourself into, I have to make some friendships. I have to move forward. So,
- Speaker #0
yeah. I think, so one of the things I look back on was moving to New York. And I moved blindly. Like, I didn't move knowing how much my rent was going to be or where I would live or how long I would live here or what it would look like. I mean, I literally had no idea. And. I was so excited that I got here and I cried for like probably three weeks. I called my old roommate who I was with in college and I was like, I can't do this. I need to come back. And she like talked me out the way, you'll figure it out. You'll figure it out. But I think that experience, because it was really challenging and also rewarding in so many ways, because I figured out like you can do this, like you can take care of yourself and you can figure it out made me like very much a like survival mode and I'm okay with those stages for some time. So I feel like I did have those friends initially because I had all the freedom in the world to do whatever I wanted, whatever I wanted. And I had this job that was nine to five and I wasn't traveling all the time. And those were the season and then got married and now have my son. And I'm okay with this season right now. Like I'm okay with honing in on family a little more right now. And I think I'm feel good about my long-term friendships being my core for now. And hopefully ideally would be able to not stay here forever and be closer. I think part of that is probably why I haven't put my roots down is like, I know it's not forever. And I think the day will come. So I feel like it's, I'm just so grateful, honestly. I'm so grateful for my core long-term friendships. And while a hug would get amazing, I do sucker my husband into filling in that hole sometimes of the hugs that you need if you just want to cry. He's like, it's okay. Go do, if you called Lacey or Nicole, like, they're next. You know, he's not solving my life, my life issues, that's for sure. But he has embraced the hugging. that is required sometimes. So, and then I have met some really core people in the business. I think the hardest thing about living in New York is no one lives close. It's like you all live so close, but so far. And it's ludicrous. And my friends are in Connecticut. I don't go there unless I'm going for work. Some are in Manhattan. I don't go there unless I'm going for work, which is all the time, but I have a busy schedule. And then I have the one, you know, good friend here and the rest sort of a virtual anyway, like they always were, you know, like we all lived all over. And sometimes I make those calls that apply to like different stages of what I'm going through, whether it's like something that's work heavy or, or like, what is life and what am I doing? And like, am I happy, you know, calls? I don't know. I think it's sort of what you said, like it's both it's sometimes it's having both and sometimes it's being okay that you don't. And I'm okay with that right now, to be honest. And I know I want that. eventually. And I know I'm going to put myself out there to do that. But right now I feel like it's just, I'm okay with where I'm at.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. It's interesting because I never thought, have thought about it, but this is where I feel like is home. So I wonder if I felt comfortable enough to really make those really good core friendships here because I'm home. And before this, I have never felt quite that way.
- Speaker #2
I completely agree. And two things I was thinking, one thing I've had to do here is go. you know for me I can't wait I can't I'm past that point where you are Audrey like I'm not okay like I have to make some friendships I'll get there don't worry but but I think so even if I move I'm going to make them here because I just need it but I've also been in the space and I think it's really important like what you're saying to acknowledge like I don't have any you know I'm in this liminal space of like I don't have it but I'm okay And I think just the awareness of that is the key difference and knowing you're okay, being okay, and then knowing it. And then knowing when that switch is to go, oh, I'm no longer okay. I got to figure something out.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
Right. Which is okay, too. And it's probably like the push you need. Yeah. Because otherwise, we probably all just live in this bubble.
- Speaker #2
Yeah. And you know, you have friends that can go, I know we've all done this to each other, where one of us will say something and the other one's like, well, do so much, but I don't think that's right. You need that though. You do. Like,
- Speaker #0
you want me to take him out? I'm like, no, no, that's not exactly where I was going.
- Speaker #1
What was I going there?
- Speaker #0
I need you to tell me that I'm being absurd and that I haven't thought about the other person's perspective. You know, those to me are like, that's a deep friendship. And those I'm grateful for.
- Speaker #1
Well,
- Speaker #2
thank you guys for being here. One more question. It's called ridiculous or relatable. does not have to be related at all to the conversation that we're having today. But something that you do or think or a habit or something that is just in your head, you're like, this is so ridiculous that I do this. But maybe it's pretty relatable to others. Who wants to go first? Or do you need an example?
- Speaker #1
Okay,
- Speaker #2
go for it.
- Speaker #1
This took me a while. And I came up with two. It took me a very long time. I had to have like my whole family. We're all in the car last night. And like,
- Speaker #0
Like who knows you better than the people that like you?
- Speaker #2
Yeah.
- Speaker #1
They're like, I think everything you do is well thought out. Like they were very kind trying to tell me that I don't do anything ridiculous. And then we hit it. We hit it. There are non-negotiables for me. That's true. There are just some things where like I don't want to do that and I won't. So I read about once.
- Speaker #0
Actually, that could be in your description.
- Speaker #1
Not negotiable.
- Speaker #0
Whole life, though. That's your whole life.
- Speaker #2
I have the best story. When you're done, I have the best short story about this.
- Speaker #1
So there's two that hit on that hardcore where I've just like I saw something in research and I didn't even go very far in it. I just I saw a little something and I was like, gross. No, not happening. So hand dryers. Yeah.
- Speaker #0
I can't even use them anymore.
- Speaker #1
You're welcome. It literally like spreads around poop particles. So you've just hands and you're going over to this hand dryer and you're just. literally putting the poop right back on your clothes so i won't use a hand dryer it does not matter how wet my hands are i don't care i'm slinging them i'm wiping them on my pants i will not use a hand dryer she said i'm slinging them my kids won't touch them they won't go near them they're like scared of them same thing with receipts now i have seen this one i haven't looked into this i have not wait what i have not hardcore looked into it All I know is that I read a little something about receipts being bad for people to touch. Yeah. Like one of the worst things that you can touch.
- Speaker #2
Because of germs?
- Speaker #1
No, no, no.
- Speaker #0
Some kind of chemical.
- Speaker #1
Some chemical in it is really bad for your health.
- Speaker #0
It could be this too.
- Speaker #1
In particular for women. So my girls now, when they see a receipt, they're like,
- Speaker #2
we all like recoil at receipts.
- Speaker #1
And like, I'll grab it with the sleeve or. I won't grab it. I send it to my email, like whatever I can do to not touch or see.
- Speaker #2
Those are amazing. I think they're both ridiculous and relatable. I mean, I get both of them.
- Speaker #1
Yeah.
- Speaker #0
Yeah. My son now says, mommy doesn't use the air dryers because they're too loud, but daddy does. And then he'll come out with dry hands. I'm like, did you use it? And he's like, yeah, daddy likes them. I can only control what I can control. Okay.
- Speaker #2
Oh my gosh. Okay.
- Speaker #0
To know if it's true.
- Speaker #1
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if what I'm saying is accurate. I have zero ideas. I just know that I may have read it somewhere and it's stuck. And that's what it is. It's going to be that for your life.
- Speaker #2
So real quickly, as you were saying that I was remembering this time where right before you got married, I was helping you. I was like into baking a lot. I was making cakes all the time. And I was like, oh, I, if you, if you want to save money, I can do your cupcakes for your wedding. Why I ever offered that, I don't know, but I did.
- Speaker #1
They were beautiful.
- Speaker #2
Yeah. Thank you. But we, I think this is one of the most mad I've ever been at you. And it's over something so silly. We go and to prep me, because I wasn't a baker. I was just doing it for fun. So I was like, well, how about in like, can you guys help pay for this class at the college that like helps me to bake and ice cakes? And I'll do that. And then I'll do all your cupcakes. And so I just remember it was time for the class. And it was like a one three hour class. That was it. And we get there and I think we were like, we had to be only five or 10 minutes late, right? Like it wasn't that late.
- Speaker #1
It wasn't long at all. No.
- Speaker #2
But we get there and I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like rushed, but let's, let's get in there. And you're like, I'm not going in. And I was like, what do you mean you're not going in? And you're like, I'm not going in. And I'm like, the hell you are. This, yes, you are. I was like, this is for your wedding. I'm doing cakes for your wedding. You're going in and you're like, I'm not walking in late.
- Speaker #1
Not doing it.
- Speaker #0
On brand.
- Speaker #2
I don't remember how long I sat there, like, arguing with you or mad at you, but I just remember it ending.
- Speaker #1
It wasn't long.
- Speaker #2
Because I was like, I got to get in.
- Speaker #0
Oh, you went into any way?
- Speaker #2
I did. I was like.
- Speaker #1
And I sat in the car.
- Speaker #2
I said, so you're going to sit in the car for three hours. And you were like, mm-hmm. Yes.
- Speaker #0
Yes. Yep.
- Speaker #1
There was something, and I could tell, I could, I can vividly remember how, like, anxious I was over it. The thought of walking in somewhere. That where I don't know the environment, I don't know the people. Speakers. Then on top of it being late and having everybody turn and look at you while you're walking in. Nope. That's an absolute no from me. Not happening. I already have enough time walking into a new environment with new people.
- Speaker #0
Yeah, very hard.
- Speaker #1
Late on top of it. No, not happening. So.
- Speaker #2
And I just couldn't understand it because I was like, I'm late to class all the time. Like, nobody cares. Nobody pays attention. Like, nobody cares. And I just remember slamming the door and I was like, fine, stay in the car. And I said some ridiculous thing like, I'm doing this for you and like slam the door.
- Speaker #0
We definitely had fights in our days, which are funny, but we definitely had fights. Yeah. That's hilarious. Oh, yeah.
- Speaker #2
Absolutely.
- Speaker #0
That's a good one. I love that story.
- Speaker #2
Okay, Audrey, ridiculous or relatable?
- Speaker #0
I also had to source my husband for this because mine were so boring. I was like, this is so sad. But he helped me find some good ones. So one of them is that I am like terrified of being abducted and murdered. I probably shouldn't say this, like knock on wood, I'm like actually terrified.
- Speaker #1
You learned the key technique. We always had your keys back in the day.
- Speaker #0
There's many techniques. I think self-defense, when I got here and it actually made me worse because they gave you all these scenarios, like if someone shoves you onto the tracks on the subway and what way you should fall. And then I'm like at the subway and I'm like, like panicking. Or if you wear a crossbody, they can jerk you down to the ground. I'm like,
- Speaker #1
you wouldn't wear your hair up because you knew your ponytail.
- Speaker #0
Like, oh my gosh. Anyway, so that made me worse. But all of that. to say the amount of times that I frequently leave the keys in the front door with the door locked. That Craig has come home and like, Audrey, literally anyone can get into the house and you're terrified. Like, I have put like booby traps by the door when Craig had to work night shifts, like chairs and everything. Meanwhile, like the keys are in the front door.
- Speaker #2
Oh no.
- Speaker #0
I know. I know. That's a pretty bad one. A...
- Speaker #2
That's like two in one, though. Let's be honest, because there's the fear of abduction.
- Speaker #0
Yes. Which is not normal.
- Speaker #1
That's always been that. I remember teenage years. Oh,
- Speaker #0
it's about being abducted.
- Speaker #2
I don't think that's normal.
- Speaker #1
You took a class in our teenage years, too. Well,
- Speaker #0
you know what's worse is I watch Unsolved Mysteries my whole life. No. And I still do. It's like, what is wrong? It's like I watch the solved ones. I watch the unsolved ones.
- Speaker #1
Yes.
- Speaker #2
No, those are both really good. I'll say one right now. I have so many around public bathrooms. Like I blame my mom for this, but I cannot. It's like a tick. It makes no, I haven't even read an article like you, like Lacey, at least you've read an article that makes you believe these things. When I use the, like the bathroom, I always tear the first piece of toilet paper off and I throw it away.
- Speaker #1
I understand this one. I've tried.
- Speaker #2
Okay. I think what it is for me is my thought is let's say somebody is pooping. Okay. And then they grab the toilet paper and they wipe and they get up. Well, what if they touched some of the other toilet paper? It's not that far away. They could have gotten poop or like particles from grabbing it on the last one. Listen.
- Speaker #1
Now that you really mention it, I will say when grabbing toilet paper from the public restroom, I do make sure that the piece that was there first is not what is used to wipe me. Yes, that's right.
- Speaker #0
I wrap it in. I do wrap it in. That's true. That's true. Okay. Not outwards.
- Speaker #1
I guess I get you. I guess I get you. And there's no, like,
- Speaker #0
scientific evidence. Do you sit on the toilet?
- Speaker #1
No. Good. Ew.
- Speaker #2
Lacey does.
- Speaker #0
Lacey does.
- Speaker #2
Yes.
- Speaker #1
Well,
- Speaker #2
okay.
- Speaker #0
She does not believe in this. I'm like, that is so gross.
- Speaker #2
Listen, it depends. If there is visibly stuff on the toilet seat.
- Speaker #1
Oh, no. Ew.
- Speaker #2
I'm not even going to wipe it and sit. Like, there is no way. No.
- Speaker #1
I would choose a different restroom.
- Speaker #2
But see, if that's not. So. If it's like a super nice restaurant, and I will say when I was pregnant, it got really hard to squat. I'm not going to lie. Like, it was, you can't squat when you're pregnant. And it got harder. So I would do like so many layers of toilet paper on top, or like the covers on top of the.
- Speaker #0
Okay. Yeah, yeah. I do the covers. She does the covers.
- Speaker #1
I don't care.
- Speaker #0
She doesn't do that. I don't care.
- Speaker #1
If it looks clean enough, no.
- Speaker #2
But she won't use the dryer.
- Speaker #1
I got that one too. So listen, it doesn't make sense.
- Speaker #2
I'm kidding. I'm doing a hard time. Mine doesn't make sense either.
- Speaker #0
Mine also doesn't make sense.
- Speaker #2
Like, the other one I will say that's really, I have so many, you guys. This is why I came up with this, because I'm really crazy. I will not put my suitcase on my bed. It, like, creeps me out. Okay, thank you.
- Speaker #0
I do in a hotel room, but I get, because I'm not alone for work. I do two queen beds. One is for my suitcase and clothes. The other I sleep in. But if it's with my family, it goes on the floor.
- Speaker #2
100%. Yeah.
- Speaker #0
I try to use the double-edged suitcase holders, but they're outrageously small. I think that's a very logical one.
- Speaker #2
Yeah. Thank you. I mean, there's definitely, I think, relatability in each one of the ones that's been mentioned. Whether there's science behind it or not, I get it. Well, thank you guys so much for being here. I love you. It's always so good to talk to you. And I'm sure we'll do another one soon.
- Speaker #0
Yeah. Sounds good.
- Speaker #3
I just wanted to say thank you so much to Lacey and Audrey for being here today and talking about what friendships look like throughout the years and as adults. And I can't tell you how much it means to me that each of you would take time out of your day to be here and to listen together with others as we try to learn how to hold multiple truths. If you haven't done so already, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcasts by clicking the link below in the show notes. This really is the most impactful thing that you can do for the show, and it really helps others to find us. And I love hearing from each of you, so please follow the show on Instagram at itsbothpodcast. to join the conversation and get behind the scenes content. And I also want to hear from you. What are some topics and areas that you feel tension around, that you feel the bothness around, that you would like to hear more about? You can reach out to me directly at itsbothpodcast at gmail.com, or you can send me a message on Instagram. Thank you again for listening and remember. It's okay to feel all the things because so many times in life, it isn't just either or. It's both.
