How to Transform Your Life with the 10 Ps for a Growth Mindset

Description

In this episode, host Ava Heinbach and her mentor and “second mom,” LeeAnn Shaw, continue their conversation on cultivating a growth mindset. Building on last week’s discussion, they introduce 10 practical strategies—“the 10 Ps”—that help shift from a fixed mindset to a growth-oriented one.

The 10 Ps they unpack are:

Pain – facing it head-on and using it as purpose.
Perspective – shifting your filter and outlook.
Preparation – building tools before challenges hit.
Patience – active waiting and self-compassion.
Purpose – knowing your “why.”
Perseverance – pushing through discomfort.
Pursuit – valuing the process over perfection.
People – surrounding yourself with the right community.
Pressure – reframing it as a privilege.
Praise – practicing gratitude before the breakthrough.

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host and founder, and I'm here again with longtime friend, mentor, and second mother Leanne. She was here last week talking about the growth mindset and we talked about what that is, what it isn't, and some of the aspects of the growth mindset. So today we are going to discuss 10 specific strategies to get you to that growth mindset. And this is where I would usually say go enter into that Hawaii house giveaway, but it is done. So in the next couple of days, we will choose a winner and we will announce the winner on our next episode. And also we'll reach out to them personally. So in the next couple of days, if you entered, cross your fingers that we reach out to you because that means you won. Also. Before every episode, I say it and I'm going to say it again. I just want to remind everyone that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. And we're not here to tell you how to live your life, but just want to give you ideas and knowledge and inspiration to help you get there to create a life that is beautiful to you. Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction. and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week, we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation, and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions, and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to. Hello. Once again, I'm Ava Heimbach, your host, and I'm here with Leanne Shaw. And this is stop wasting your life. So I was thinking about the question that you asked last week. And I have figured out one way that I kind of am in a fixed mindset. And that is me being stubborn. I definitely am very bad about being flexible. I think sometimes I'm just a little bit too set in my ways. And I'm right, you're wrong type of mindset. So knowing me as a kid, would you say I was stubborn? Or do you think I'm more stubborn now?
Speaker #1
I think when you're a kid, it presents itself differently. You grow into stubbornness, I think, in a way. I don't know. I feel like you were a leader. You were do it my way kind of person. And all the other kids did.
Speaker #0
Oh, I remember being bossy. Go ask any of my friends from being little and they would be like, you are bossy. I was.
Speaker #1
It was Ava's. Lion King play.
Speaker #0
You had to be in my play.
Speaker #1
Nobody else.
Speaker #0
You're going to be Mufasa and there's no, that's just what it is.
Speaker #1
And all the little kids just followed what you wanted to do. You were, you told them how to build the fort. You told them if they were going outside or not, and they did it. So I think you've always had that more and you know, you can call it bossy. Maybe, you know, it is a little bit. It's a leadership quality.
Speaker #0
I mean, I asked my parents, I said, would you say I was stubborn growing up? And my mom goes, oh, yeah, you were stubborn. I was like, oh, OK, that she didn't really need to think about that one. So but I'm still pretty stubborn and they'll admit that, too. But I'm learning how to be flexible. I'm going to be a palm tree.
Speaker #1
Do you have a specific example of where you have maybe stubbornness has showed its ugly head this last week?
Speaker #0
Oh, this last week. Ooh, let me think. Yeah,
Speaker #1
let's think about that one.
Speaker #0
Let me think. Last week, my sister and I were in Italy together. And there was one, the day before we left, we were walking back from, I don't know, like the Sistine Chapel or something. And she really wanted to shop because we only had one day left. And I was flat out like, no, we are not shopping. I don't care why you want to shop. I don't want to, and we're not going to do it. And I really had to remind myself that. no, I cannot be stubborn in this situation. I need to compromise with her and meet her in the middle. And if she wants to shop for a little, that's not going to hurt me. And I ended up letting her shop for a little bit and it was fine. She bought some stuff. I ended up buying some stuff too. And we went on with our day and I feel like
Speaker #1
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker #0
Thank you. Cause in the past, I feel like I would have just said no. And if she wanted to or not just, yeah, the answer was going to be no.
Speaker #1
That's a growth moment. Yes. Yes. That's setting some new neural pathways.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
You're doing this.
Speaker #0
Did I pass?
Speaker #1
You passed. Yes. I too was looking at myself a little differently this last week. And, you know, one of the bullet points or one of the things that I talked about last week was being curious. And I find that oftentimes this is a real weakness of mine because I tend to, somebody says something and I tend to jump right into it with an opinion or a thought. And a good example, kind of a trivial example of this is my husband introduced the fact that he got some new golf clubs. And I... was shocked because I thought he just got new golf clubs. And instead of just reacting to that, like, wow, why did you get new golf clubs? I decided to be curious. And I started asking questions. And when I asked questions, I realized that he actually traded in his old golf clubs on the new golf clubs. And he gave me the whole story about why he did it. And in the end, I didn't make a fool out of myself, you know, and, and totally jump in. And I, you know, that's part of growing and that's part of respecting other people. Because when we talk about growth mindset, we're not only talking about our own growth and maturity and what, what we need to work on as it applies to ourself, but how it applies to others. It's very important to be not so self-centric. This whole thing we're talking about, I want to put it in the light of that. We're doing this not just for ourselves. We're growing our minds and thinking outside of our boxes and trying to get to next level so that we can better our own lives and better the lives of those around us.
Speaker #0
Okay, so let's just jump into discussing those strategies, those 10 strategies to get us to that growth mindset.
Speaker #1
The first one I want to talk about is pain. So we'll just start at the most painful place here. Pain is inevitable. So we talked about this last time a little bit that everyone experiences pain. It doesn't matter who you are. So it's what we do with our pain that matters and makes a difference. And so a good example of this I was just thinking of is a cow versus a buffalo. And A cow will run, and most actually animals will run from a storm. They run away from the storm. And in doing so, the storm catches up with you, right? You can't outrun a storm. So the storm will catch up. And it actually makes you stay in the storm longer. So the cow is in the storm longer because they're trying to outrun it. Does that make sense? Uh-huh. Yeah. Buffalo doesn't do that. The buffalo looks at the storm and it turns into it and it runs into it and through it and out on the other side. You can look that up. It is a part of the characteristics of a buffalo. I actually have a giant buffalo picture in my kitchen. But a buffalo runs into the storm and therefore he weathers it. He takes it right in the chin and. keeps moving through it. And therefore he gets through the storm faster and comes out on the other side. So we can outrun our pain, but we can outlast it. We can beat it. We, if we had it, if we meet it straight on, and also we can think of our pain and you know, this Ava, as you've lived some life, how you can use it to help other people. And I know that I've used my personal pain for that. And eventually, not right away, we can think of our of our pain as part of our purpose. You know,
Speaker #0
this is so random, but anytime I'm like really, really sad or I'm having a really bad day or I'm just not feeling my best, I always remind myself to do one good thing for someone else, because number one, I genuinely think it helps my mood when I see someone else happy and Number two, I like to think that because of my pain, someone else is getting something good, if that makes sense. Like last week when I was really sad, I texted someone I know who lost her son and said, I'm going to bring you a vegetarian lasagna because it brought me joy knowing that in my pain, I was going to help someone else. Does that make sense?
Speaker #1
It makes perfect sense. when we're wrapped up in ourselves and in our own pain. then we just wallow in that. The key is to look outside yourself. So we have to realize the first point is we have to realize pain is inevitable, but it's temporary and we will get through it. And that isn't always on the top of our minds when we're going through it. So it's good to remind yourself of that. Pain is inevitable. The second is perspective matters. How we look at something, how we view our circumstances is important. What is your filter? That's something you can ask yourself. Or what lens am I looking at this through? If it's through constant negativity, no, that's not great. Am I looking at it through anger? Am I looking at it through hurt? Am I looking at it as a victim? If we change our filter, it changes a lot. And we can even think about that as like in today's day and age, we're constantly filtering our pictures and we're putting a filter on that picture to make it look different and appear different. So in the same respect, we can look at circumstances. And we can put that filter on a positivity and curiosity and that instead of why, what, why is this happening? What is happening right now? What is it that I'm needing to learn here? Or even if all this turns out for the bad, you know, our perspective helps us to navigate that situation better. You have to change that filter. And that's where. you know, you can think of what filter am I using right now?
Speaker #0
So what's an example where you really had to force yourself to change your perspective?
Speaker #1
Well, God, I think of one immediately because I've been married a while. I've been married 31 years. And if you don't change your perspective every once in a while about your husband, you're not going to make it for real. But I honestly have told, I honestly had a period of time. And this is where I guess I'm going to get real on this podcast. where I really felt like I had to leave my husband. I mean, this was a while back, but my filter was telling me all these bad things about him. But then I realized it was only my filter. And at the time, I didn't describe it as a filter. I described it as a veil over my eyes that you can kind of see what's going on, but it was darkening my perspective. somehow and I think it was just God working in me I don't know I the veil came off and I could see more clearly it was the same guy the same situation he did not change but I was looking at it differently and more realistically it's amazing how we can lie to ourselves so
Speaker #0
that do you have an example right off that you can think of I would say that in like relationships like you were talking about there was just someone recently who I thought did something really wrong to me. And I think that I was very resentful of that. And I was angry. And all I could think of was, why did you do that? What did I do wrong to make you want to do that? And just a lot of anger. But then when I really step back and look at the situation, I realized that he did it because, or I think like, Maybe he did it because he was hurting, or maybe he did it because something else was going on in his life. And it wasn't out of malicious intent, but it was out of hurt or sadness.
Speaker #1
In your case, you're looking at a situation from another person's perspective, which is really valuable and helpful. And when you're able to think. outside of yourself again, getting somewhere in your growth. So
Speaker #0
I think it's also hard though, because I still revert back to those angry feelings of like, Oh yeah, why did you do that? That was wrong. You're the reason that X, Y, and Z happens. And so it's really, really hard for me to remind myself to think of it from a different perspective also.
Speaker #1
Yes. None of this is easy, by the way.
Speaker #0
I wish it was.
Speaker #1
Every... step of the journey is getting you somewhere. So you just keep practicing it. And we'll talk about that later. But as we wrap up talking about perspective here, you're going to find happiness and contentment and peace where you look for it. What we look for, we find most of the time. So it's important that we look for the good in our situation. and in others. Another thing we can do to increase our growth mindset is to prepare. Preparation. You need to be ready for what life brings your way and training. is necessary. Really what you're doing is you're training for the trial you're not in yet. And that looks a little different for everybody. But if you can train yourself and you might, well, you're like, what does training mean? What am I training myself to do? You're, you're learning about yourself. You're growing as a person. You're fostering good relationships. That's a big, important one. You're praying, you're engaging with God, you're doing all these things in the good times. So when the bad times hit, you have a well of resources that you can draw from. You have a deep well, and the deeper your well, the more you're going to be able to handle the big struggles that come in life.
Speaker #0
I actually, my counselor brought up something like this because I asked her once, like, I feel kind of silly sometimes going to counseling and talking about grieving. something that is pretty small. I mean, even like sometimes I say, I feel like I'm grieving something so small, but there are people out there grieving the loss of a loved one. And she said, well, one day it's inevitable. You're going to have to grieve the loss of a loved one too. And you're already building these tools right now so that when that happens, you're going to be able to get through it with these tools that you've already been working on. You're not going to have to wait until you lose your grandma to figure out how the heck you're going to get through it. Like you're already going to have that base of like, okay, I know I can get through this. I've gotten through the small griefs and I'm going to be able to get through these big griefs with these things that I've already learned.
Speaker #1
You might think of that as you're doing your homework. So when the true test comes. you're prepared. So you do hopefully learn from those lesser experiences that teach you something. This is why, this is random, but this is why I taught my kids when they were little, don't say stupid because it's a little thing and it sounds silly. Stupid isn't a bad thing, but it teaches them in little ways to guard their language and to understand what it means to control what comes out of your mouth so that when you get older, you can say stupid all day long, but you, you know, you, you don't say those other things, you know, you shouldn't say even as adults, we shouldn't say certain things. So anyway, that just reminded me of that concept of how we train in life. Like we train by tackling the smaller things that teach us how to do the bigger things. So that's really important. And The lessons that you can learn in those small moments, you take with you and you build on later and you can, that's another thing you draw out of your well. That's a resource for you. And moving on, let's talk about the next thing, which is a hard one for all of us, I think, is patience. We have to be willing to wait. I encourage us, all of us, to reframe what patience looks like and how we define it, because we think of it as being real passive. And we're stagnant, we're not moving, we're being patient, and we're waiting. But patience in its true, full form is not that at all. It's not, we're not just sitting there and waiting for something to happen. Patience can be really active. You can be doing things while you wait. You know, patience is a disciplined, intentional posture in life. that says, you know, even though you're waiting for something to happen, it's not like you're doing nothing in the waiting time. So I might say, you know, don't waste your waiting. I mean, don't sit there and just decide to be wallow in it and wonder what's going to happen next. Be proactive. And I don't know what that looks like in any given situation. It's going to look completely different, but... You can ask yourself questions. Again, you can be curious about the situation. You can look for answers and solutions. You can seek counsel. You can have support and reach out to others and pray and talk about these. I mean, there are things to be done and there are actions to be had while you wait and to have patience in the meantime. So patience is going to look different for you, Ava. What you're currently going through, it's going to look different. We're all in a state of waiting for something, right? And so I hate it. Yeah.
Speaker #0
I just want it right now.
Speaker #1
And we all think we know how it has to happen. And we've got it all planned out, of course. But there's beauty in just the calm waiting.
Speaker #0
I think for me also, I really struggle with being patient with other people. But I also really struggle with being patient with myself. And so I think it's something I need to work on. both for others and for myself, because I think that I deserve patience, just like other people deserve my patience also.
Speaker #1
It's a give and take. And so there are two sides of that coin for sure that I think are worthy of working on. And next we might move on to purpose. It's hard, you know, to push through life without a purpose.
Speaker #0
Hence the podcast.
Speaker #1
You know, you need a reason to keep going. It's just like in my, I mentioned that one of my businesses failed. It was because I didn't have a real reason to keep going. Like I had started a business that was pretty practical and I didn't have a real passion for that. And I didn't think I needed a passion for it, but it turns out, yeah, you kind of need a little bit of passion to keep you going. You need a reason for it. And so it's good to have a purpose. You know, it's good to ask yourself, what's my why? Why am I doing this? Why do I care about this?
Speaker #0
I thought we weren't supposed to ask why.
Speaker #1
Oh, good point. This is a different kind of, you're listening, Ava. This is a different kind of why.
Speaker #0
Okay. A different kind of why.
Speaker #1
When I say what's my why, it's not, why is this happening? It's why am I doing this? Why is this important to me? It's good to ask those kinds of why's.
Speaker #0
Okay. So I'll give you permission.
Speaker #1
You know, why am I exercising? If you don't have a real why for that you're not gonna push through and exercise. That's where I'm, that's a personal example, by the way. Eating healthy, working on that relationship, even though it's hard, we see a lot of relationships don't continue that might could have if one or both of the people would have been resolved to, to know their why, you know? So we need a very strong why sometimes. to press through the very hardest of times and keep us going. So figure out that purpose can be real important. So that is one aspect of having that growing growth mindset. Another one is having perseverance. Yay. Yay. You get to stick with this sometimes for a long time.
Speaker #0
Wait, sorry to interrupt you, but do these all start with P?
Speaker #1
They all start with A. Ah,
Speaker #0
okay.
Speaker #1
I took you to number six to get there.
Speaker #0
Sorry, I was just like, wait a minute. Anyway, go ahead. Perseverance.
Speaker #1
Persevere. Persevere is kind of a dirty word a little bit. I mean, nobody, it's maybe I don't want to say it that way, but persevering is difficult. A lot of these concepts can be difficult. And you don't have to apply them all at once, by the way. Different circumstances will cause you to pick a P.
Speaker #0
What's your P? Yeah, what's your P? What P are you going to work on today?
Speaker #1
Don't say that without context in a group.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
But perseverance is very important to us in our growth as a person. We have to be able to keep going through hard times, through obstacles. And one of the main concepts or ideas I'd like to point out under the idea of perseverance is that one of the major roadblocks to persevering is being uncomfortable or inconvenienced. We don't like that at all. We don't even like to have like our coffee done in a way we don't like. I mean, we're. That is majorly inconvenient for us. So we will go out of our way to get our coffee just right. That's a little minor example. But our comfort and our convenience are so important to us. And it's very difficult to persevere when those aren't happening. Wouldn't you agree?
Speaker #0
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #1
So anything that's worth, anything that's valuable comes at a cost. We have to be willing to pay the price. Be inconvenienced. be uncomfortable, be inconvenienced and uncomfortable. Sometimes it's painful. There's a cost to it. If it's important to us, we will weather the cost that goes back to our why.
Speaker #0
See, I think I am, to give myself credit for something that I'm good at, I do think I am good at that.
Speaker #1
Pushing through. Yeah. I do too. Yes. You have a real sense of, I'm going to do this, dang it.
Speaker #0
Or even also just putting myself in uncomfortable situations because I know that. The reason I'm putting myself in that uncomfortable situation is more important than not going through the uncomfortable situation.
Speaker #1
Some people can't hang with that. That's a real challenge for a lot of people. And so it can be moved beyond. But you have to work at it just like all of these. And all of your challenges, all the uncomfortableness and inconveniences. can be a gift to you. This isn't going back again to our perspective and the filter that we look things through. We can persevere knowing that maybe this is my gift today. You know, I get to work through this. I get to figure out like why this can be beneficial in my life.
Speaker #0
I like where you say instead of like, I have to, I like. Or I like how you say I get to.
Speaker #1
I get to.
Speaker #0
Like, I think about that a lot sometimes. Like, even if my sister and I are arguing, sometimes when I look back at the situation, I think, what a blessing it is that I have a sister to argue with. Like, I get to argue with my sister, but I have a sister. And there's people out there that would do anything to argue with their sister.
Speaker #1
Or I get to argue with her, and maybe I'll learn something about how to not argue next time.
Speaker #0
We actually don't argue very much anymore. I'm very impressed with how our relationship has grown in the last couple of months.
Speaker #1
So good.
Speaker #0
It is good.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Those are big wins when you think about it. Oh,
Speaker #0
yes.
Speaker #1
The next thing I want to talk about is pursuit. Another P. Pursuit isn't and doesn't mean perfection. It's the process that mostly matters. Like you're never trying to get to a perfect relationship or a perfect marriage. It's the pursuit of having something better that's meaningful. And so when they, you know, you've heard of practice makes what? Perfect. And I just encourage us to reframe that as practice makes progress.
Speaker #0
That's good.
Speaker #1
Because it's the progress that matters. I think. We're so goal oriented and we think of our goals as the end, as the pinnacle. But really, it's everything in between that is the most valuable. Like I think I go back again to the example I've used a couple of different times about my failed business. If I just looked at the end goal there, man, that would be, that's a failure. That's bad. But I look at everything leading up to that and all the process. It was the process that's valuable. And I learned from the process and I'm going to take that with me to the next business.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And this is actually a couple of weeks ago. I was talking to my friend Raneem and I don't remember what we were talking about. And I don't know how it got deep so fast, but I just remember asking her, like, what do you think is the meaning of life? Like one of the biggest questions that human asks.
Speaker #1
That's a big one.
Speaker #0
That is a big one. And she pretty much was like, well, I don't really know because. no one really knows. I guess it's a personal question. But her response to me was the meaning of life is the process. The meaning of life is living life for what it is and not always trying to figure out like, oh, my life is going to be perfect or my life is going to have meaning if X, Y and Z happens. But more of just the purpose of life is to live it, to go through that. The process of life is to live it.
Speaker #1
Drop the bomb, Ava. Yes. The purpose of life is to live.
Speaker #0
And to just embrace it. Like life is not perfect. Like you said, pain is inevitable, but that's just part of being human.
Speaker #1
And how would you like to live? We want to live in freedom. We want to live. We want to walk in peace and freedom and walk in our calling because we each have a calling, by the way. So. We do this by growing in our minds and in our hearts.
Speaker #0
I think the next thing this leads us to is our next P, which is people. People, and I want you to think about this, Ava, because this is, you've never, you are probably, and most people that are listening have never heard of this before, but people are fuel. They are gas in our tanks. They help us go. We cannot live life alone. And people help us. to get where we want to be in life. This is not a solo journey like we talked about last time. We're not insular, right? We're not on an island. We could be, we can be if we choose to do so. But where we're going to thrive, where we're going to grow is with other people. There's this quote out there. I don't know who said it, but if you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far go together. So
Speaker #1
I... think that's also kind of a struggle for me because I've convinced myself that I am a strong independent woman.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. You've convinced yourself that you're a lone wolf. You've always been a little different and in your mentality, not in a bad way, in a great way. I mean, you have always kind of thought a little differently than people. You've always been a little more mature maybe, and you've always thought outside of the box. And I think you've just trained yourself to say, and I'm speaking for you, sorry. I think maybe you've just trained yourself to say, there's no one who gets me and I'm on this. I'm just doing this by myself.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah. And I think it's caused me to push a lot of people away, which is definitely something that I have some regrets about because you're right. Like we do need people and there's definitely people that I've pushed away. Excuse me, that I've pushed away because of that reason.
Speaker #0
Yes. So it's important to seek community, even though we feel different. Different is good. I think we need to embrace our differences. And so, again, we need to seek that community for all kinds of reasons, for teaching, for correction, for validation or support, or there's just a myriad of things that we need people for to really thrive in our own lives. One thing I might point out is that We need the right people, you know, and we can't pick all our people, you know, our families, our family, our people at our jobs or the people at our jobs. We don't kick everybody out that doesn't fit the definition of somebody who is the right person for us. But we can be strategic about this in certain areas and we need to be. If you think about, I want to, I want to use this analogy. My husband and I walk together and excuse me if he's listening, but it's brutal.
Speaker #1
Sorry, Mikey. She does love you. She promises.
Speaker #0
I do love you. But he is the slowest paced man. And I constantly am walking ahead of him. And it annoys him. Like he's like, he thinks it's a power play sometimes, you know. But it's really that he just has the slowest pace ever. And I'm constantly having to move back to his pace. Or he's having to move up to mine. So think about when you're walking together with somebody who's pace have you adjusted to? Like if you're walking with somebody who is negative all the time, is just maybe living a wild lifestyle that is not really your jam or putting, you know, whatever it is that's holding you back with this person, maybe it's not a person you should be walking closely with because your pace is being adjusted. And when I say pace, I don't mean your success, you know, how fast you can get to the top. I'm not talking about that. That's not what matters here. What matters is, is that you are being growth minded, right? And you want to go to these positive places, you can't be held back by all the negative. And so it's just important who you pace yourself with and who you're walking with in life, so that you can grow, because that's what we're talking about today is growing. And so I have always been very intentional, maybe even kind of brutal about that, where I eliminate people that don't, that I cannot walk with on the same pace. And that's not, I'm not, this is the opposite end of the extreme. Like I should, I should be more, a little more inclusive and be willing to, because some people you're meant to help.
Speaker #1
I think also that I can just be really hard on people sometimes. I think because I'm really hard on myself, sometimes I'm really hard on other people. And especially I feel like there's a lot of people who have met me where I am multiple times. And I should work a little bit harder to meet them where they are also. But I'm working on it.
Speaker #0
We're all a work in progress. We're all a work in progress.
Speaker #1
At least I am aware that I need to meet people. Yes. In the middle a little bit more.
Speaker #0
Yeah. We talked about it starts with awareness. Yeah. Way to go. I think mine is more, I have such a, this, this is, I would say one of the positive, most positive things about me and the most negative thing about me. And that's often the case with us. There's always a flip side is that I really don't care what other people think about me. I really don't.
Speaker #1
I think the same way.
Speaker #0
And I really don't need a big, huge basket of friends. and But on the opposite side, this causes me not to be very empathetic or loving towards other people.
Speaker #1
I think you've gotten better at it, though, wouldn't you say?
Speaker #0
I would think so. Yeah, I've gotten better at some things because I've really worked on it over time. Some things have taken years. Like I'm an old lady now and I have been working. I worked on my anger for probably 15 years before I really saw it move significantly. And now I'm so chill. You can't move me. next. You just, I can't remember the last time I was angry, but of course, a lot of those angry moments was when I had little kids and kids will take you to places you don't want to go. Really?
Speaker #1
I think Megan,
Speaker #0
the real thing, but you know, let's just start beginning to think of people as assets in our life and how we can use them, not use them. That sounds terrible, but how we can, can rightfully place people in our life. both on the giving and receiving end. They're fuel for us. And we can move on now to the next P, which is pressure is a privilege. This goes back to the idea of our pain can be a gift, but it's just one more aspect.
Speaker #1
That's two Ps.
Speaker #0
Mind changing, yes.
Speaker #1
But that's not nine and 10.
Speaker #0
We are all in. No, this is only one. Oh,
Speaker #1
okay.
Speaker #0
Pressure is a privilege. And it's an opportunity to grow. And that's a mind shift to think of, first of all, like we mentioned earlier, pain is a gift. But to think the pressure that I'm under. So it's not only pain. Pain is maybe the extreme, the next step of pressure. Pressure is like, oh, you know, like you have a timeline or you have a. But what a gift that is to be able to teach yourself, to train yourself. to maneuver around a pressure point.
Speaker #1
You know, I've always really thought of pressure as like a negative, but that kind of changes my perspective a little bit.
Speaker #0
That's right.
Speaker #1
And turns it into more of like a positive thing.
Speaker #0
Yes. And once again, you're changing your filter. You're taking another concept and applying it to this one way, a way to go, I should say. So the final thing is, is to praise. before your breakthrough. Keep track of what is happening and has happened and what is yet to come. And we praise God for it all. And this is definitely from a faith perspective. You could also say, be grateful. Be grateful. But grateful is not a P.
Speaker #1
So we're not going to say grateful because that would,
Speaker #0
we're going to say praise and we're going to say gratefulness. We're not going to whine or complain. We are going to evaluate and contemplate and we're going to be thankful. That'll get you a long way. There is a ton of research out there about gratitude. You could go online and just be inundated with the benefits of gratitude, right? Write it. down.
Speaker #1
We were just talking about this actually, because I was talking about how a couple of weeks ago I was really, really sad. And I had been writing in my little journal about why I was so sad and blah, blah, blah. And then one day I was like, actually, I'm going to sit here for 30 minutes. I'm going to write every single thing I'm grateful for. And I mean, 30 minutes is a really long time. And I was definitely writing things down. Like I am so thankful for the worms in the ground that bring nutrients to the flowers. Like I was getting very eager. I did. But once I sat back and looked at this list, it made me realize like. Yes, I'm sad about X, Y, and Z, but look at all the things that I have to be thankful for. And I have a lot more things to be thankful for than the things that I was hurting about or that I was sad about.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's gratitude. And that's what gratitude, that's the power of gratitude. It takes us into a different mindset. And so since we're talking about growth mindset, that rounds it out pretty well. I mean, all these 10 things that we can do. are just ideas. There's so much more out there in the field of growth mindset, but these are just some simple things that, and I say they're simple, they're simple, but they're hard to do sometimes, but they're things that we can, that can really move us forward. And that's what this is about. This is about, like we talked about last week at the very beginning, how to have a beautiful, meaningful, purposeful life. Nobody wants to just go through it. like a robot and suffer.
Speaker #1
Life is too beautiful not to fully live.
Speaker #0
Interesting. It makes me think of this quote by an author that isn't alive anymore. Her name is Ayn Rand. She wrote some really significant books back in the early 1900s. But one of her quotes is, the question isn't who is going to let me, it's who's going to stop me. Oh, so there's no one stopping us. We don't need permission to do any of this. Our circumstances do not matter, even though they're important. We just need to do this. How you deal with your circumstances is what is most important. And in the end, the only person stopping you might just be you. So what is our podcast called? Stop Wasting Your Life. Stop is the word. And it's your word and my word and Kate's word. Kate, the producer's word. It's our word to do or not to do. What does Yoda say? Do or no. Oh, no. There is no trying. There is only doing.
Speaker #1
That's what Yoda says?
Speaker #0
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Something like that. I did not know that. Forgive me, Star Wars fans out there for butchering that. But anyway, stop wasting your life. Girlies out there. And, you know, Ava. As you always say, you know, you want to help people live a life that they're happy to wake up to every morning. And, and you know what, I would go even deeper than that. You know, let's live a life that God has truly intended us for to live. Let's live a life of beauty and truth. Let's dig deeper. Let's find out what that means to us. And then set our minds and hearts around that. Let's be growth minded. Let's have a growth mindset.
Speaker #1
So can you remind us really quick before we leave what those 10 Ps are? Our 10 Ps to help us achieve a growth mindset.
Speaker #0
It is pain is inevitable, but it's also temporary. Okay. You have to have the proper perspective. How we view things and filter through them are important because we can change that. Preparation is important. We have to train our brains and our bodies and anything else in our minds. We have to train them to be ready for what's next. Number four is patience. And patience is not just waiting. You can be active in your patience. And then you have to have a purpose, something that's greater than even yourself. You have to know your why and why you're doing what you're doing and who you're doing it for sometimes. Okay, so that's number five. Number six is to be perseverant. We have to be able to come out of our comfort and convenience. to keep going.
Speaker #1
You can't grow in your comfort zone.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. And seven is you need to pursue. It's not about perfection. Practice makes progress. And in fact, sometimes practice makes permanent. Sometimes you do something and it's done. So sometimes you have to keep working at it, but we have to pursue it. Number eight is we need people. People are fuel for us. It helps us get to our next place in life. And we need to choose those people wisely sometimes so that we can go forward in our growth. And pressure is a privilege. You know, we have opportunities to grow even more when we're under pressure. And then the last one is praise. You have to praise before you get your breakthroughs or go to your next step. You have to be grateful and wait expectantly for what's good that's right around the corner.
Speaker #1
So just to kind of end things for this episode, what is one piece of advice in relation to the growth mindset and what we kind of talked about today that you would give someone so that they wouldn't waste their life?
Speaker #0
I guess I would say, are you going to grow or are you not? You have to make that decision and you have to make it every day. Am I going to go grow through this situation? Am I going to change this situation? A lot of us are stuck in our lives, unable to move. Because we're not willing to do it. And I'm not saying life doesn't get hard because it absolutely does. And it's not an easy thing. But we've got to be proactive in our lives. So if I had to say something, girl, stop wasting your life. Go take that next step. Do that next thing. Make that next decision. Do that scary thing you don't want to do. Quit living in fear. Maybe this is more than one thing.
Speaker #1
That's okay. I think they all combine into one.
Speaker #0
Combine to say, it's on you. And I don't want to be fatalistic in saying that, but I think it's important to know that we, this is our game to play and what's going to be your next move.
Speaker #1
Well, thank you so much for coming on again. Thank you for letting me drag you to my house. to stick a microphone in front of your face. But I just know that I really look up to you and I love having these conversations with you. And I am so very thankful that you are my second mom.
Speaker #0
Yes. I'm thankful for you too. You're the best daughter I've ever had. Yes.
Speaker #1
Well, that concludes our episode. This is usually where I would say, go enter into the Hawaii House giveaway, but that's done. Womp womp. You can't enter anymore. But we will announce the winner next episode. And sometime this week, we are going to reach out to that winner. So look for that email or that text and we will see you next week. Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review. give us a follow and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com and we will see you next week.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Her journey—fueled by travel, raw conversations, bold adventures, and the courage to embrace what it means to be fully human—was shaped by the people she met and the lessons that cracked her open. Now, her mission is to share those stories and voices to help others live with purpose, depth, and freedom.

This podcast exists to inspire and equip listeners to create a life of intention—through honest dialogue, transformative experiences, and practical tools. We explore what it means to be fully alive: to embrace discomfort, pursue passion, prioritize well-being, seek adventure, and honor the messy beauty of being human.

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Description

The 10 Ps they unpack are:

Pain – facing it head-on and using it as purpose.
Perspective – shifting your filter and outlook.
Preparation – building tools before challenges hit.
Patience – active waiting and self-compassion.
Purpose – knowing your “why.”
Perseverance – pushing through discomfort.
Pursuit – valuing the process over perfection.
People – surrounding yourself with the right community.
Pressure – reframing it as a privilege.
Praise – practicing gratitude before the breakthrough.

Ava's Instagram | STYL Instagram

Stop Wasting Your Life is produced by KK Media Co.

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Transcription

Speaker #0
Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host and founder, and I'm here again with longtime friend, mentor, and second mother Leanne. She was here last week talking about the growth mindset and we talked about what that is, what it isn't, and some of the aspects of the growth mindset. So today we are going to discuss 10 specific strategies to get you to that growth mindset. And this is where I would usually say go enter into that Hawaii house giveaway, but it is done. So in the next couple of days, we will choose a winner and we will announce the winner on our next episode. And also we'll reach out to them personally. So in the next couple of days, if you entered, cross your fingers that we reach out to you because that means you won. Also. Before every episode, I say it and I'm going to say it again. I just want to remind everyone that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. And we're not here to tell you how to live your life, but just want to give you ideas and knowledge and inspiration to help you get there to create a life that is beautiful to you. Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction. and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week, we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation, and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions, and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to. Hello. Once again, I'm Ava Heimbach, your host, and I'm here with Leanne Shaw. And this is stop wasting your life. So I was thinking about the question that you asked last week. And I have figured out one way that I kind of am in a fixed mindset. And that is me being stubborn. I definitely am very bad about being flexible. I think sometimes I'm just a little bit too set in my ways. And I'm right, you're wrong type of mindset. So knowing me as a kid, would you say I was stubborn? Or do you think I'm more stubborn now?
Speaker #1
I think when you're a kid, it presents itself differently. You grow into stubbornness, I think, in a way. I don't know. I feel like you were a leader. You were do it my way kind of person. And all the other kids did.
Speaker #0
Oh, I remember being bossy. Go ask any of my friends from being little and they would be like, you are bossy. I was.
Speaker #1
It was Ava's. Lion King play.
Speaker #0
You had to be in my play.
Speaker #1
Nobody else.
Speaker #0
You're going to be Mufasa and there's no, that's just what it is.
Speaker #1
And all the little kids just followed what you wanted to do. You were, you told them how to build the fort. You told them if they were going outside or not, and they did it. So I think you've always had that more and you know, you can call it bossy. Maybe, you know, it is a little bit. It's a leadership quality.
Speaker #0
I mean, I asked my parents, I said, would you say I was stubborn growing up? And my mom goes, oh, yeah, you were stubborn. I was like, oh, OK, that she didn't really need to think about that one. So but I'm still pretty stubborn and they'll admit that, too. But I'm learning how to be flexible. I'm going to be a palm tree.
Speaker #1
Do you have a specific example of where you have maybe stubbornness has showed its ugly head this last week?
Speaker #0
Oh, this last week. Ooh, let me think. Yeah,
Speaker #1
let's think about that one.
Speaker #0
Let me think. Last week, my sister and I were in Italy together. And there was one, the day before we left, we were walking back from, I don't know, like the Sistine Chapel or something. And she really wanted to shop because we only had one day left. And I was flat out like, no, we are not shopping. I don't care why you want to shop. I don't want to, and we're not going to do it. And I really had to remind myself that. no, I cannot be stubborn in this situation. I need to compromise with her and meet her in the middle. And if she wants to shop for a little, that's not going to hurt me. And I ended up letting her shop for a little bit and it was fine. She bought some stuff. I ended up buying some stuff too. And we went on with our day and I feel like
Speaker #1
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker #0
Thank you. Cause in the past, I feel like I would have just said no. And if she wanted to or not just, yeah, the answer was going to be no.
Speaker #1
That's a growth moment. Yes. Yes. That's setting some new neural pathways.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
You're doing this.
Speaker #0
Did I pass?
Speaker #1
You passed. Yes. I too was looking at myself a little differently this last week. And, you know, one of the bullet points or one of the things that I talked about last week was being curious. And I find that oftentimes this is a real weakness of mine because I tend to, somebody says something and I tend to jump right into it with an opinion or a thought. And a good example, kind of a trivial example of this is my husband introduced the fact that he got some new golf clubs. And I... was shocked because I thought he just got new golf clubs. And instead of just reacting to that, like, wow, why did you get new golf clubs? I decided to be curious. And I started asking questions. And when I asked questions, I realized that he actually traded in his old golf clubs on the new golf clubs. And he gave me the whole story about why he did it. And in the end, I didn't make a fool out of myself, you know, and, and totally jump in. And I, you know, that's part of growing and that's part of respecting other people. Because when we talk about growth mindset, we're not only talking about our own growth and maturity and what, what we need to work on as it applies to ourself, but how it applies to others. It's very important to be not so self-centric. This whole thing we're talking about, I want to put it in the light of that. We're doing this not just for ourselves. We're growing our minds and thinking outside of our boxes and trying to get to next level so that we can better our own lives and better the lives of those around us.
Speaker #0
Okay, so let's just jump into discussing those strategies, those 10 strategies to get us to that growth mindset.
Speaker #1
The first one I want to talk about is pain. So we'll just start at the most painful place here. Pain is inevitable. So we talked about this last time a little bit that everyone experiences pain. It doesn't matter who you are. So it's what we do with our pain that matters and makes a difference. And so a good example of this I was just thinking of is a cow versus a buffalo. And A cow will run, and most actually animals will run from a storm. They run away from the storm. And in doing so, the storm catches up with you, right? You can't outrun a storm. So the storm will catch up. And it actually makes you stay in the storm longer. So the cow is in the storm longer because they're trying to outrun it. Does that make sense? Uh-huh. Yeah. Buffalo doesn't do that. The buffalo looks at the storm and it turns into it and it runs into it and through it and out on the other side. You can look that up. It is a part of the characteristics of a buffalo. I actually have a giant buffalo picture in my kitchen. But a buffalo runs into the storm and therefore he weathers it. He takes it right in the chin and. keeps moving through it. And therefore he gets through the storm faster and comes out on the other side. So we can outrun our pain, but we can outlast it. We can beat it. We, if we had it, if we meet it straight on, and also we can think of our pain and you know, this Ava, as you've lived some life, how you can use it to help other people. And I know that I've used my personal pain for that. And eventually, not right away, we can think of our of our pain as part of our purpose. You know,
Speaker #0
this is so random, but anytime I'm like really, really sad or I'm having a really bad day or I'm just not feeling my best, I always remind myself to do one good thing for someone else, because number one, I genuinely think it helps my mood when I see someone else happy and Number two, I like to think that because of my pain, someone else is getting something good, if that makes sense. Like last week when I was really sad, I texted someone I know who lost her son and said, I'm going to bring you a vegetarian lasagna because it brought me joy knowing that in my pain, I was going to help someone else. Does that make sense?
Speaker #1
It makes perfect sense. when we're wrapped up in ourselves and in our own pain. then we just wallow in that. The key is to look outside yourself. So we have to realize the first point is we have to realize pain is inevitable, but it's temporary and we will get through it. And that isn't always on the top of our minds when we're going through it. So it's good to remind yourself of that. Pain is inevitable. The second is perspective matters. How we look at something, how we view our circumstances is important. What is your filter? That's something you can ask yourself. Or what lens am I looking at this through? If it's through constant negativity, no, that's not great. Am I looking at it through anger? Am I looking at it through hurt? Am I looking at it as a victim? If we change our filter, it changes a lot. And we can even think about that as like in today's day and age, we're constantly filtering our pictures and we're putting a filter on that picture to make it look different and appear different. So in the same respect, we can look at circumstances. And we can put that filter on a positivity and curiosity and that instead of why, what, why is this happening? What is happening right now? What is it that I'm needing to learn here? Or even if all this turns out for the bad, you know, our perspective helps us to navigate that situation better. You have to change that filter. And that's where. you know, you can think of what filter am I using right now?
Speaker #0
So what's an example where you really had to force yourself to change your perspective?
Speaker #1
Well, God, I think of one immediately because I've been married a while. I've been married 31 years. And if you don't change your perspective every once in a while about your husband, you're not going to make it for real. But I honestly have told, I honestly had a period of time. And this is where I guess I'm going to get real on this podcast. where I really felt like I had to leave my husband. I mean, this was a while back, but my filter was telling me all these bad things about him. But then I realized it was only my filter. And at the time, I didn't describe it as a filter. I described it as a veil over my eyes that you can kind of see what's going on, but it was darkening my perspective. somehow and I think it was just God working in me I don't know I the veil came off and I could see more clearly it was the same guy the same situation he did not change but I was looking at it differently and more realistically it's amazing how we can lie to ourselves so
Speaker #0
that do you have an example right off that you can think of I would say that in like relationships like you were talking about there was just someone recently who I thought did something really wrong to me. And I think that I was very resentful of that. And I was angry. And all I could think of was, why did you do that? What did I do wrong to make you want to do that? And just a lot of anger. But then when I really step back and look at the situation, I realized that he did it because, or I think like, Maybe he did it because he was hurting, or maybe he did it because something else was going on in his life. And it wasn't out of malicious intent, but it was out of hurt or sadness.
Speaker #1
In your case, you're looking at a situation from another person's perspective, which is really valuable and helpful. And when you're able to think. outside of yourself again, getting somewhere in your growth. So
Speaker #0
I think it's also hard though, because I still revert back to those angry feelings of like, Oh yeah, why did you do that? That was wrong. You're the reason that X, Y, and Z happens. And so it's really, really hard for me to remind myself to think of it from a different perspective also.
Speaker #1
Yes. None of this is easy, by the way.
Speaker #0
I wish it was.
Speaker #1
Every... step of the journey is getting you somewhere. So you just keep practicing it. And we'll talk about that later. But as we wrap up talking about perspective here, you're going to find happiness and contentment and peace where you look for it. What we look for, we find most of the time. So it's important that we look for the good in our situation. and in others. Another thing we can do to increase our growth mindset is to prepare. Preparation. You need to be ready for what life brings your way and training. is necessary. Really what you're doing is you're training for the trial you're not in yet. And that looks a little different for everybody. But if you can train yourself and you might, well, you're like, what does training mean? What am I training myself to do? You're, you're learning about yourself. You're growing as a person. You're fostering good relationships. That's a big, important one. You're praying, you're engaging with God, you're doing all these things in the good times. So when the bad times hit, you have a well of resources that you can draw from. You have a deep well, and the deeper your well, the more you're going to be able to handle the big struggles that come in life.
Speaker #0
I actually, my counselor brought up something like this because I asked her once, like, I feel kind of silly sometimes going to counseling and talking about grieving. something that is pretty small. I mean, even like sometimes I say, I feel like I'm grieving something so small, but there are people out there grieving the loss of a loved one. And she said, well, one day it's inevitable. You're going to have to grieve the loss of a loved one too. And you're already building these tools right now so that when that happens, you're going to be able to get through it with these tools that you've already been working on. You're not going to have to wait until you lose your grandma to figure out how the heck you're going to get through it. Like you're already going to have that base of like, okay, I know I can get through this. I've gotten through the small griefs and I'm going to be able to get through these big griefs with these things that I've already learned.
Speaker #1
You might think of that as you're doing your homework. So when the true test comes. you're prepared. So you do hopefully learn from those lesser experiences that teach you something. This is why, this is random, but this is why I taught my kids when they were little, don't say stupid because it's a little thing and it sounds silly. Stupid isn't a bad thing, but it teaches them in little ways to guard their language and to understand what it means to control what comes out of your mouth so that when you get older, you can say stupid all day long, but you, you know, you, you don't say those other things, you know, you shouldn't say even as adults, we shouldn't say certain things. So anyway, that just reminded me of that concept of how we train in life. Like we train by tackling the smaller things that teach us how to do the bigger things. So that's really important. And The lessons that you can learn in those small moments, you take with you and you build on later and you can, that's another thing you draw out of your well. That's a resource for you. And moving on, let's talk about the next thing, which is a hard one for all of us, I think, is patience. We have to be willing to wait. I encourage us, all of us, to reframe what patience looks like and how we define it, because we think of it as being real passive. And we're stagnant, we're not moving, we're being patient, and we're waiting. But patience in its true, full form is not that at all. It's not, we're not just sitting there and waiting for something to happen. Patience can be really active. You can be doing things while you wait. You know, patience is a disciplined, intentional posture in life. that says, you know, even though you're waiting for something to happen, it's not like you're doing nothing in the waiting time. So I might say, you know, don't waste your waiting. I mean, don't sit there and just decide to be wallow in it and wonder what's going to happen next. Be proactive. And I don't know what that looks like in any given situation. It's going to look completely different, but... You can ask yourself questions. Again, you can be curious about the situation. You can look for answers and solutions. You can seek counsel. You can have support and reach out to others and pray and talk about these. I mean, there are things to be done and there are actions to be had while you wait and to have patience in the meantime. So patience is going to look different for you, Ava. What you're currently going through, it's going to look different. We're all in a state of waiting for something, right? And so I hate it. Yeah.
Speaker #0
I just want it right now.
Speaker #1
And we all think we know how it has to happen. And we've got it all planned out, of course. But there's beauty in just the calm waiting.
Speaker #0
I think for me also, I really struggle with being patient with other people. But I also really struggle with being patient with myself. And so I think it's something I need to work on. both for others and for myself, because I think that I deserve patience, just like other people deserve my patience also.
Speaker #1
It's a give and take. And so there are two sides of that coin for sure that I think are worthy of working on. And next we might move on to purpose. It's hard, you know, to push through life without a purpose.
Speaker #0
Hence the podcast.
Speaker #1
You know, you need a reason to keep going. It's just like in my, I mentioned that one of my businesses failed. It was because I didn't have a real reason to keep going. Like I had started a business that was pretty practical and I didn't have a real passion for that. And I didn't think I needed a passion for it, but it turns out, yeah, you kind of need a little bit of passion to keep you going. You need a reason for it. And so it's good to have a purpose. You know, it's good to ask yourself, what's my why? Why am I doing this? Why do I care about this?
Speaker #0
I thought we weren't supposed to ask why.
Speaker #1
Oh, good point. This is a different kind of, you're listening, Ava. This is a different kind of why.
Speaker #0
Okay. A different kind of why.
Speaker #1
When I say what's my why, it's not, why is this happening? It's why am I doing this? Why is this important to me? It's good to ask those kinds of why's.
Speaker #0
Okay. So I'll give you permission.
Speaker #1
You know, why am I exercising? If you don't have a real why for that you're not gonna push through and exercise. That's where I'm, that's a personal example, by the way. Eating healthy, working on that relationship, even though it's hard, we see a lot of relationships don't continue that might could have if one or both of the people would have been resolved to, to know their why, you know? So we need a very strong why sometimes. to press through the very hardest of times and keep us going. So figure out that purpose can be real important. So that is one aspect of having that growing growth mindset. Another one is having perseverance. Yay. Yay. You get to stick with this sometimes for a long time.
Speaker #0
Wait, sorry to interrupt you, but do these all start with P?
Speaker #1
They all start with A. Ah,
Speaker #0
okay.
Speaker #1
I took you to number six to get there.
Speaker #0
Sorry, I was just like, wait a minute. Anyway, go ahead. Perseverance.
Speaker #1
Persevere. Persevere is kind of a dirty word a little bit. I mean, nobody, it's maybe I don't want to say it that way, but persevering is difficult. A lot of these concepts can be difficult. And you don't have to apply them all at once, by the way. Different circumstances will cause you to pick a P.
Speaker #0
What's your P? Yeah, what's your P? What P are you going to work on today?
Speaker #1
Don't say that without context in a group.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
But perseverance is very important to us in our growth as a person. We have to be able to keep going through hard times, through obstacles. And one of the main concepts or ideas I'd like to point out under the idea of perseverance is that one of the major roadblocks to persevering is being uncomfortable or inconvenienced. We don't like that at all. We don't even like to have like our coffee done in a way we don't like. I mean, we're. That is majorly inconvenient for us. So we will go out of our way to get our coffee just right. That's a little minor example. But our comfort and our convenience are so important to us. And it's very difficult to persevere when those aren't happening. Wouldn't you agree?
Speaker #0
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #1
So anything that's worth, anything that's valuable comes at a cost. We have to be willing to pay the price. Be inconvenienced. be uncomfortable, be inconvenienced and uncomfortable. Sometimes it's painful. There's a cost to it. If it's important to us, we will weather the cost that goes back to our why.
Speaker #0
See, I think I am, to give myself credit for something that I'm good at, I do think I am good at that.
Speaker #1
Pushing through. Yeah. I do too. Yes. You have a real sense of, I'm going to do this, dang it.
Speaker #0
Or even also just putting myself in uncomfortable situations because I know that. The reason I'm putting myself in that uncomfortable situation is more important than not going through the uncomfortable situation.
Speaker #1
Some people can't hang with that. That's a real challenge for a lot of people. And so it can be moved beyond. But you have to work at it just like all of these. And all of your challenges, all the uncomfortableness and inconveniences. can be a gift to you. This isn't going back again to our perspective and the filter that we look things through. We can persevere knowing that maybe this is my gift today. You know, I get to work through this. I get to figure out like why this can be beneficial in my life.
Speaker #0
I like where you say instead of like, I have to, I like. Or I like how you say I get to.
Speaker #1
I get to.
Speaker #0
Like, I think about that a lot sometimes. Like, even if my sister and I are arguing, sometimes when I look back at the situation, I think, what a blessing it is that I have a sister to argue with. Like, I get to argue with my sister, but I have a sister. And there's people out there that would do anything to argue with their sister.
Speaker #1
Or I get to argue with her, and maybe I'll learn something about how to not argue next time.
Speaker #0
We actually don't argue very much anymore. I'm very impressed with how our relationship has grown in the last couple of months.
Speaker #1
So good.
Speaker #0
It is good.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Those are big wins when you think about it. Oh,
Speaker #0
yes.
Speaker #1
The next thing I want to talk about is pursuit. Another P. Pursuit isn't and doesn't mean perfection. It's the process that mostly matters. Like you're never trying to get to a perfect relationship or a perfect marriage. It's the pursuit of having something better that's meaningful. And so when they, you know, you've heard of practice makes what? Perfect. And I just encourage us to reframe that as practice makes progress.
Speaker #0
That's good.
Speaker #1
Because it's the progress that matters. I think. We're so goal oriented and we think of our goals as the end, as the pinnacle. But really, it's everything in between that is the most valuable. Like I think I go back again to the example I've used a couple of different times about my failed business. If I just looked at the end goal there, man, that would be, that's a failure. That's bad. But I look at everything leading up to that and all the process. It was the process that's valuable. And I learned from the process and I'm going to take that with me to the next business.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And this is actually a couple of weeks ago. I was talking to my friend Raneem and I don't remember what we were talking about. And I don't know how it got deep so fast, but I just remember asking her, like, what do you think is the meaning of life? Like one of the biggest questions that human asks.
Speaker #1
That's a big one.
Speaker #0
That is a big one. And she pretty much was like, well, I don't really know because. no one really knows. I guess it's a personal question. But her response to me was the meaning of life is the process. The meaning of life is living life for what it is and not always trying to figure out like, oh, my life is going to be perfect or my life is going to have meaning if X, Y and Z happens. But more of just the purpose of life is to live it, to go through that. The process of life is to live it.
Speaker #1
Drop the bomb, Ava. Yes. The purpose of life is to live.
Speaker #0
And to just embrace it. Like life is not perfect. Like you said, pain is inevitable, but that's just part of being human.
Speaker #1
And how would you like to live? We want to live in freedom. We want to live. We want to walk in peace and freedom and walk in our calling because we each have a calling, by the way. So. We do this by growing in our minds and in our hearts.
Speaker #0
I think the next thing this leads us to is our next P, which is people. People, and I want you to think about this, Ava, because this is, you've never, you are probably, and most people that are listening have never heard of this before, but people are fuel. They are gas in our tanks. They help us go. We cannot live life alone. And people help us. to get where we want to be in life. This is not a solo journey like we talked about last time. We're not insular, right? We're not on an island. We could be, we can be if we choose to do so. But where we're going to thrive, where we're going to grow is with other people. There's this quote out there. I don't know who said it, but if you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far go together. So
Speaker #1
I... think that's also kind of a struggle for me because I've convinced myself that I am a strong independent woman.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. You've convinced yourself that you're a lone wolf. You've always been a little different and in your mentality, not in a bad way, in a great way. I mean, you have always kind of thought a little differently than people. You've always been a little more mature maybe, and you've always thought outside of the box. And I think you've just trained yourself to say, and I'm speaking for you, sorry. I think maybe you've just trained yourself to say, there's no one who gets me and I'm on this. I'm just doing this by myself.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah. And I think it's caused me to push a lot of people away, which is definitely something that I have some regrets about because you're right. Like we do need people and there's definitely people that I've pushed away. Excuse me, that I've pushed away because of that reason.
Speaker #0
Yes. So it's important to seek community, even though we feel different. Different is good. I think we need to embrace our differences. And so, again, we need to seek that community for all kinds of reasons, for teaching, for correction, for validation or support, or there's just a myriad of things that we need people for to really thrive in our own lives. One thing I might point out is that We need the right people, you know, and we can't pick all our people, you know, our families, our family, our people at our jobs or the people at our jobs. We don't kick everybody out that doesn't fit the definition of somebody who is the right person for us. But we can be strategic about this in certain areas and we need to be. If you think about, I want to, I want to use this analogy. My husband and I walk together and excuse me if he's listening, but it's brutal.
Speaker #1
Sorry, Mikey. She does love you. She promises.
Speaker #0
I do love you. But he is the slowest paced man. And I constantly am walking ahead of him. And it annoys him. Like he's like, he thinks it's a power play sometimes, you know. But it's really that he just has the slowest pace ever. And I'm constantly having to move back to his pace. Or he's having to move up to mine. So think about when you're walking together with somebody who's pace have you adjusted to? Like if you're walking with somebody who is negative all the time, is just maybe living a wild lifestyle that is not really your jam or putting, you know, whatever it is that's holding you back with this person, maybe it's not a person you should be walking closely with because your pace is being adjusted. And when I say pace, I don't mean your success, you know, how fast you can get to the top. I'm not talking about that. That's not what matters here. What matters is, is that you are being growth minded, right? And you want to go to these positive places, you can't be held back by all the negative. And so it's just important who you pace yourself with and who you're walking with in life, so that you can grow, because that's what we're talking about today is growing. And so I have always been very intentional, maybe even kind of brutal about that, where I eliminate people that don't, that I cannot walk with on the same pace. And that's not, I'm not, this is the opposite end of the extreme. Like I should, I should be more, a little more inclusive and be willing to, because some people you're meant to help.
Speaker #1
I think also that I can just be really hard on people sometimes. I think because I'm really hard on myself, sometimes I'm really hard on other people. And especially I feel like there's a lot of people who have met me where I am multiple times. And I should work a little bit harder to meet them where they are also. But I'm working on it.
Speaker #0
We're all a work in progress. We're all a work in progress.
Speaker #1
At least I am aware that I need to meet people. Yes. In the middle a little bit more.
Speaker #0
Yeah. We talked about it starts with awareness. Yeah. Way to go. I think mine is more, I have such a, this, this is, I would say one of the positive, most positive things about me and the most negative thing about me. And that's often the case with us. There's always a flip side is that I really don't care what other people think about me. I really don't.
Speaker #1
I think the same way.
Speaker #0
And I really don't need a big, huge basket of friends. and But on the opposite side, this causes me not to be very empathetic or loving towards other people.
Speaker #1
I think you've gotten better at it, though, wouldn't you say?
Speaker #0
I would think so. Yeah, I've gotten better at some things because I've really worked on it over time. Some things have taken years. Like I'm an old lady now and I have been working. I worked on my anger for probably 15 years before I really saw it move significantly. And now I'm so chill. You can't move me. next. You just, I can't remember the last time I was angry, but of course, a lot of those angry moments was when I had little kids and kids will take you to places you don't want to go. Really?
Speaker #1
I think Megan,
Speaker #0
the real thing, but you know, let's just start beginning to think of people as assets in our life and how we can use them, not use them. That sounds terrible, but how we can, can rightfully place people in our life. both on the giving and receiving end. They're fuel for us. And we can move on now to the next P, which is pressure is a privilege. This goes back to the idea of our pain can be a gift, but it's just one more aspect.
Speaker #1
That's two Ps.
Speaker #0
Mind changing, yes.
Speaker #1
But that's not nine and 10.
Speaker #0
We are all in. No, this is only one. Oh,
Speaker #1
okay.
Speaker #0
Pressure is a privilege. And it's an opportunity to grow. And that's a mind shift to think of, first of all, like we mentioned earlier, pain is a gift. But to think the pressure that I'm under. So it's not only pain. Pain is maybe the extreme, the next step of pressure. Pressure is like, oh, you know, like you have a timeline or you have a. But what a gift that is to be able to teach yourself, to train yourself. to maneuver around a pressure point.
Speaker #1
You know, I've always really thought of pressure as like a negative, but that kind of changes my perspective a little bit.
Speaker #0
That's right.
Speaker #1
And turns it into more of like a positive thing.
Speaker #0
Yes. And once again, you're changing your filter. You're taking another concept and applying it to this one way, a way to go, I should say. So the final thing is, is to praise. before your breakthrough. Keep track of what is happening and has happened and what is yet to come. And we praise God for it all. And this is definitely from a faith perspective. You could also say, be grateful. Be grateful. But grateful is not a P.
Speaker #1
So we're not going to say grateful because that would,
Speaker #0
we're going to say praise and we're going to say gratefulness. We're not going to whine or complain. We are going to evaluate and contemplate and we're going to be thankful. That'll get you a long way. There is a ton of research out there about gratitude. You could go online and just be inundated with the benefits of gratitude, right? Write it. down.
Speaker #1
We were just talking about this actually, because I was talking about how a couple of weeks ago I was really, really sad. And I had been writing in my little journal about why I was so sad and blah, blah, blah. And then one day I was like, actually, I'm going to sit here for 30 minutes. I'm going to write every single thing I'm grateful for. And I mean, 30 minutes is a really long time. And I was definitely writing things down. Like I am so thankful for the worms in the ground that bring nutrients to the flowers. Like I was getting very eager. I did. But once I sat back and looked at this list, it made me realize like. Yes, I'm sad about X, Y, and Z, but look at all the things that I have to be thankful for. And I have a lot more things to be thankful for than the things that I was hurting about or that I was sad about.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's gratitude. And that's what gratitude, that's the power of gratitude. It takes us into a different mindset. And so since we're talking about growth mindset, that rounds it out pretty well. I mean, all these 10 things that we can do. are just ideas. There's so much more out there in the field of growth mindset, but these are just some simple things that, and I say they're simple, they're simple, but they're hard to do sometimes, but they're things that we can, that can really move us forward. And that's what this is about. This is about, like we talked about last week at the very beginning, how to have a beautiful, meaningful, purposeful life. Nobody wants to just go through it. like a robot and suffer.
Speaker #1
Life is too beautiful not to fully live.
Speaker #0
Interesting. It makes me think of this quote by an author that isn't alive anymore. Her name is Ayn Rand. She wrote some really significant books back in the early 1900s. But one of her quotes is, the question isn't who is going to let me, it's who's going to stop me. Oh, so there's no one stopping us. We don't need permission to do any of this. Our circumstances do not matter, even though they're important. We just need to do this. How you deal with your circumstances is what is most important. And in the end, the only person stopping you might just be you. So what is our podcast called? Stop Wasting Your Life. Stop is the word. And it's your word and my word and Kate's word. Kate, the producer's word. It's our word to do or not to do. What does Yoda say? Do or no. Oh, no. There is no trying. There is only doing.
Speaker #1
That's what Yoda says?
Speaker #0
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Something like that. I did not know that. Forgive me, Star Wars fans out there for butchering that. But anyway, stop wasting your life. Girlies out there. And, you know, Ava. As you always say, you know, you want to help people live a life that they're happy to wake up to every morning. And, and you know what, I would go even deeper than that. You know, let's live a life that God has truly intended us for to live. Let's live a life of beauty and truth. Let's dig deeper. Let's find out what that means to us. And then set our minds and hearts around that. Let's be growth minded. Let's have a growth mindset.
Speaker #1
So can you remind us really quick before we leave what those 10 Ps are? Our 10 Ps to help us achieve a growth mindset.
Speaker #0
It is pain is inevitable, but it's also temporary. Okay. You have to have the proper perspective. How we view things and filter through them are important because we can change that. Preparation is important. We have to train our brains and our bodies and anything else in our minds. We have to train them to be ready for what's next. Number four is patience. And patience is not just waiting. You can be active in your patience. And then you have to have a purpose, something that's greater than even yourself. You have to know your why and why you're doing what you're doing and who you're doing it for sometimes. Okay, so that's number five. Number six is to be perseverant. We have to be able to come out of our comfort and convenience. to keep going.
Speaker #1
You can't grow in your comfort zone.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. And seven is you need to pursue. It's not about perfection. Practice makes progress. And in fact, sometimes practice makes permanent. Sometimes you do something and it's done. So sometimes you have to keep working at it, but we have to pursue it. Number eight is we need people. People are fuel for us. It helps us get to our next place in life. And we need to choose those people wisely sometimes so that we can go forward in our growth. And pressure is a privilege. You know, we have opportunities to grow even more when we're under pressure. And then the last one is praise. You have to praise before you get your breakthroughs or go to your next step. You have to be grateful and wait expectantly for what's good that's right around the corner.
Speaker #1
So just to kind of end things for this episode, what is one piece of advice in relation to the growth mindset and what we kind of talked about today that you would give someone so that they wouldn't waste their life?
Speaker #0
I guess I would say, are you going to grow or are you not? You have to make that decision and you have to make it every day. Am I going to go grow through this situation? Am I going to change this situation? A lot of us are stuck in our lives, unable to move. Because we're not willing to do it. And I'm not saying life doesn't get hard because it absolutely does. And it's not an easy thing. But we've got to be proactive in our lives. So if I had to say something, girl, stop wasting your life. Go take that next step. Do that next thing. Make that next decision. Do that scary thing you don't want to do. Quit living in fear. Maybe this is more than one thing.
Speaker #1
That's okay. I think they all combine into one.
Speaker #0
Combine to say, it's on you. And I don't want to be fatalistic in saying that, but I think it's important to know that we, this is our game to play and what's going to be your next move.
Speaker #1
Well, thank you so much for coming on again. Thank you for letting me drag you to my house. to stick a microphone in front of your face. But I just know that I really look up to you and I love having these conversations with you. And I am so very thankful that you are my second mom.
Speaker #0
Yes. I'm thankful for you too. You're the best daughter I've ever had. Yes.
Speaker #1
Well, that concludes our episode. This is usually where I would say, go enter into the Hawaii House giveaway, but that's done. Womp womp. You can't enter anymore. But we will announce the winner next episode. And sometime this week, we are going to reach out to that winner. So look for that email or that text and we will see you next week. Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review. give us a follow and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com and we will see you next week.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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Description

The 10 Ps they unpack are:

Pain – facing it head-on and using it as purpose.
Perspective – shifting your filter and outlook.
Preparation – building tools before challenges hit.
Patience – active waiting and self-compassion.
Purpose – knowing your “why.”
Perseverance – pushing through discomfort.
Pursuit – valuing the process over perfection.
People – surrounding yourself with the right community.
Pressure – reframing it as a privilege.
Praise – practicing gratitude before the breakthrough.

Ava's Instagram | STYL Instagram

Stop Wasting Your Life is produced by KK Media Co.

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Transcription

Speaker #0
Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host and founder, and I'm here again with longtime friend, mentor, and second mother Leanne. She was here last week talking about the growth mindset and we talked about what that is, what it isn't, and some of the aspects of the growth mindset. So today we are going to discuss 10 specific strategies to get you to that growth mindset. And this is where I would usually say go enter into that Hawaii house giveaway, but it is done. So in the next couple of days, we will choose a winner and we will announce the winner on our next episode. And also we'll reach out to them personally. So in the next couple of days, if you entered, cross your fingers that we reach out to you because that means you won. Also. Before every episode, I say it and I'm going to say it again. I just want to remind everyone that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. And we're not here to tell you how to live your life, but just want to give you ideas and knowledge and inspiration to help you get there to create a life that is beautiful to you. Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction. and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week, we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation, and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions, and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to. Hello. Once again, I'm Ava Heimbach, your host, and I'm here with Leanne Shaw. And this is stop wasting your life. So I was thinking about the question that you asked last week. And I have figured out one way that I kind of am in a fixed mindset. And that is me being stubborn. I definitely am very bad about being flexible. I think sometimes I'm just a little bit too set in my ways. And I'm right, you're wrong type of mindset. So knowing me as a kid, would you say I was stubborn? Or do you think I'm more stubborn now?
Speaker #1
I think when you're a kid, it presents itself differently. You grow into stubbornness, I think, in a way. I don't know. I feel like you were a leader. You were do it my way kind of person. And all the other kids did.
Speaker #0
Oh, I remember being bossy. Go ask any of my friends from being little and they would be like, you are bossy. I was.
Speaker #1
It was Ava's. Lion King play.
Speaker #0
You had to be in my play.
Speaker #1
Nobody else.
Speaker #0
You're going to be Mufasa and there's no, that's just what it is.
Speaker #1
And all the little kids just followed what you wanted to do. You were, you told them how to build the fort. You told them if they were going outside or not, and they did it. So I think you've always had that more and you know, you can call it bossy. Maybe, you know, it is a little bit. It's a leadership quality.
Speaker #0
I mean, I asked my parents, I said, would you say I was stubborn growing up? And my mom goes, oh, yeah, you were stubborn. I was like, oh, OK, that she didn't really need to think about that one. So but I'm still pretty stubborn and they'll admit that, too. But I'm learning how to be flexible. I'm going to be a palm tree.
Speaker #1
Do you have a specific example of where you have maybe stubbornness has showed its ugly head this last week?
Speaker #0
Oh, this last week. Ooh, let me think. Yeah,
Speaker #1
let's think about that one.
Speaker #0
Let me think. Last week, my sister and I were in Italy together. And there was one, the day before we left, we were walking back from, I don't know, like the Sistine Chapel or something. And she really wanted to shop because we only had one day left. And I was flat out like, no, we are not shopping. I don't care why you want to shop. I don't want to, and we're not going to do it. And I really had to remind myself that. no, I cannot be stubborn in this situation. I need to compromise with her and meet her in the middle. And if she wants to shop for a little, that's not going to hurt me. And I ended up letting her shop for a little bit and it was fine. She bought some stuff. I ended up buying some stuff too. And we went on with our day and I feel like
Speaker #1
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker #0
Thank you. Cause in the past, I feel like I would have just said no. And if she wanted to or not just, yeah, the answer was going to be no.
Speaker #1
That's a growth moment. Yes. Yes. That's setting some new neural pathways.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
You're doing this.
Speaker #0
Did I pass?
Speaker #1
You passed. Yes. I too was looking at myself a little differently this last week. And, you know, one of the bullet points or one of the things that I talked about last week was being curious. And I find that oftentimes this is a real weakness of mine because I tend to, somebody says something and I tend to jump right into it with an opinion or a thought. And a good example, kind of a trivial example of this is my husband introduced the fact that he got some new golf clubs. And I... was shocked because I thought he just got new golf clubs. And instead of just reacting to that, like, wow, why did you get new golf clubs? I decided to be curious. And I started asking questions. And when I asked questions, I realized that he actually traded in his old golf clubs on the new golf clubs. And he gave me the whole story about why he did it. And in the end, I didn't make a fool out of myself, you know, and, and totally jump in. And I, you know, that's part of growing and that's part of respecting other people. Because when we talk about growth mindset, we're not only talking about our own growth and maturity and what, what we need to work on as it applies to ourself, but how it applies to others. It's very important to be not so self-centric. This whole thing we're talking about, I want to put it in the light of that. We're doing this not just for ourselves. We're growing our minds and thinking outside of our boxes and trying to get to next level so that we can better our own lives and better the lives of those around us.
Speaker #0
Okay, so let's just jump into discussing those strategies, those 10 strategies to get us to that growth mindset.
Speaker #1
The first one I want to talk about is pain. So we'll just start at the most painful place here. Pain is inevitable. So we talked about this last time a little bit that everyone experiences pain. It doesn't matter who you are. So it's what we do with our pain that matters and makes a difference. And so a good example of this I was just thinking of is a cow versus a buffalo. And A cow will run, and most actually animals will run from a storm. They run away from the storm. And in doing so, the storm catches up with you, right? You can't outrun a storm. So the storm will catch up. And it actually makes you stay in the storm longer. So the cow is in the storm longer because they're trying to outrun it. Does that make sense? Uh-huh. Yeah. Buffalo doesn't do that. The buffalo looks at the storm and it turns into it and it runs into it and through it and out on the other side. You can look that up. It is a part of the characteristics of a buffalo. I actually have a giant buffalo picture in my kitchen. But a buffalo runs into the storm and therefore he weathers it. He takes it right in the chin and. keeps moving through it. And therefore he gets through the storm faster and comes out on the other side. So we can outrun our pain, but we can outlast it. We can beat it. We, if we had it, if we meet it straight on, and also we can think of our pain and you know, this Ava, as you've lived some life, how you can use it to help other people. And I know that I've used my personal pain for that. And eventually, not right away, we can think of our of our pain as part of our purpose. You know,
Speaker #0
this is so random, but anytime I'm like really, really sad or I'm having a really bad day or I'm just not feeling my best, I always remind myself to do one good thing for someone else, because number one, I genuinely think it helps my mood when I see someone else happy and Number two, I like to think that because of my pain, someone else is getting something good, if that makes sense. Like last week when I was really sad, I texted someone I know who lost her son and said, I'm going to bring you a vegetarian lasagna because it brought me joy knowing that in my pain, I was going to help someone else. Does that make sense?
Speaker #1
It makes perfect sense. when we're wrapped up in ourselves and in our own pain. then we just wallow in that. The key is to look outside yourself. So we have to realize the first point is we have to realize pain is inevitable, but it's temporary and we will get through it. And that isn't always on the top of our minds when we're going through it. So it's good to remind yourself of that. Pain is inevitable. The second is perspective matters. How we look at something, how we view our circumstances is important. What is your filter? That's something you can ask yourself. Or what lens am I looking at this through? If it's through constant negativity, no, that's not great. Am I looking at it through anger? Am I looking at it through hurt? Am I looking at it as a victim? If we change our filter, it changes a lot. And we can even think about that as like in today's day and age, we're constantly filtering our pictures and we're putting a filter on that picture to make it look different and appear different. So in the same respect, we can look at circumstances. And we can put that filter on a positivity and curiosity and that instead of why, what, why is this happening? What is happening right now? What is it that I'm needing to learn here? Or even if all this turns out for the bad, you know, our perspective helps us to navigate that situation better. You have to change that filter. And that's where. you know, you can think of what filter am I using right now?
Speaker #0
So what's an example where you really had to force yourself to change your perspective?
Speaker #1
Well, God, I think of one immediately because I've been married a while. I've been married 31 years. And if you don't change your perspective every once in a while about your husband, you're not going to make it for real. But I honestly have told, I honestly had a period of time. And this is where I guess I'm going to get real on this podcast. where I really felt like I had to leave my husband. I mean, this was a while back, but my filter was telling me all these bad things about him. But then I realized it was only my filter. And at the time, I didn't describe it as a filter. I described it as a veil over my eyes that you can kind of see what's going on, but it was darkening my perspective. somehow and I think it was just God working in me I don't know I the veil came off and I could see more clearly it was the same guy the same situation he did not change but I was looking at it differently and more realistically it's amazing how we can lie to ourselves so
Speaker #0
that do you have an example right off that you can think of I would say that in like relationships like you were talking about there was just someone recently who I thought did something really wrong to me. And I think that I was very resentful of that. And I was angry. And all I could think of was, why did you do that? What did I do wrong to make you want to do that? And just a lot of anger. But then when I really step back and look at the situation, I realized that he did it because, or I think like, Maybe he did it because he was hurting, or maybe he did it because something else was going on in his life. And it wasn't out of malicious intent, but it was out of hurt or sadness.
Speaker #1
In your case, you're looking at a situation from another person's perspective, which is really valuable and helpful. And when you're able to think. outside of yourself again, getting somewhere in your growth. So
Speaker #0
I think it's also hard though, because I still revert back to those angry feelings of like, Oh yeah, why did you do that? That was wrong. You're the reason that X, Y, and Z happens. And so it's really, really hard for me to remind myself to think of it from a different perspective also.
Speaker #1
Yes. None of this is easy, by the way.
Speaker #0
I wish it was.
Speaker #1
Every... step of the journey is getting you somewhere. So you just keep practicing it. And we'll talk about that later. But as we wrap up talking about perspective here, you're going to find happiness and contentment and peace where you look for it. What we look for, we find most of the time. So it's important that we look for the good in our situation. and in others. Another thing we can do to increase our growth mindset is to prepare. Preparation. You need to be ready for what life brings your way and training. is necessary. Really what you're doing is you're training for the trial you're not in yet. And that looks a little different for everybody. But if you can train yourself and you might, well, you're like, what does training mean? What am I training myself to do? You're, you're learning about yourself. You're growing as a person. You're fostering good relationships. That's a big, important one. You're praying, you're engaging with God, you're doing all these things in the good times. So when the bad times hit, you have a well of resources that you can draw from. You have a deep well, and the deeper your well, the more you're going to be able to handle the big struggles that come in life.
Speaker #0
I actually, my counselor brought up something like this because I asked her once, like, I feel kind of silly sometimes going to counseling and talking about grieving. something that is pretty small. I mean, even like sometimes I say, I feel like I'm grieving something so small, but there are people out there grieving the loss of a loved one. And she said, well, one day it's inevitable. You're going to have to grieve the loss of a loved one too. And you're already building these tools right now so that when that happens, you're going to be able to get through it with these tools that you've already been working on. You're not going to have to wait until you lose your grandma to figure out how the heck you're going to get through it. Like you're already going to have that base of like, okay, I know I can get through this. I've gotten through the small griefs and I'm going to be able to get through these big griefs with these things that I've already learned.
Speaker #1
You might think of that as you're doing your homework. So when the true test comes. you're prepared. So you do hopefully learn from those lesser experiences that teach you something. This is why, this is random, but this is why I taught my kids when they were little, don't say stupid because it's a little thing and it sounds silly. Stupid isn't a bad thing, but it teaches them in little ways to guard their language and to understand what it means to control what comes out of your mouth so that when you get older, you can say stupid all day long, but you, you know, you, you don't say those other things, you know, you shouldn't say even as adults, we shouldn't say certain things. So anyway, that just reminded me of that concept of how we train in life. Like we train by tackling the smaller things that teach us how to do the bigger things. So that's really important. And The lessons that you can learn in those small moments, you take with you and you build on later and you can, that's another thing you draw out of your well. That's a resource for you. And moving on, let's talk about the next thing, which is a hard one for all of us, I think, is patience. We have to be willing to wait. I encourage us, all of us, to reframe what patience looks like and how we define it, because we think of it as being real passive. And we're stagnant, we're not moving, we're being patient, and we're waiting. But patience in its true, full form is not that at all. It's not, we're not just sitting there and waiting for something to happen. Patience can be really active. You can be doing things while you wait. You know, patience is a disciplined, intentional posture in life. that says, you know, even though you're waiting for something to happen, it's not like you're doing nothing in the waiting time. So I might say, you know, don't waste your waiting. I mean, don't sit there and just decide to be wallow in it and wonder what's going to happen next. Be proactive. And I don't know what that looks like in any given situation. It's going to look completely different, but... You can ask yourself questions. Again, you can be curious about the situation. You can look for answers and solutions. You can seek counsel. You can have support and reach out to others and pray and talk about these. I mean, there are things to be done and there are actions to be had while you wait and to have patience in the meantime. So patience is going to look different for you, Ava. What you're currently going through, it's going to look different. We're all in a state of waiting for something, right? And so I hate it. Yeah.
Speaker #0
I just want it right now.
Speaker #1
And we all think we know how it has to happen. And we've got it all planned out, of course. But there's beauty in just the calm waiting.
Speaker #0
I think for me also, I really struggle with being patient with other people. But I also really struggle with being patient with myself. And so I think it's something I need to work on. both for others and for myself, because I think that I deserve patience, just like other people deserve my patience also.
Speaker #1
It's a give and take. And so there are two sides of that coin for sure that I think are worthy of working on. And next we might move on to purpose. It's hard, you know, to push through life without a purpose.
Speaker #0
Hence the podcast.
Speaker #1
You know, you need a reason to keep going. It's just like in my, I mentioned that one of my businesses failed. It was because I didn't have a real reason to keep going. Like I had started a business that was pretty practical and I didn't have a real passion for that. And I didn't think I needed a passion for it, but it turns out, yeah, you kind of need a little bit of passion to keep you going. You need a reason for it. And so it's good to have a purpose. You know, it's good to ask yourself, what's my why? Why am I doing this? Why do I care about this?
Speaker #0
I thought we weren't supposed to ask why.
Speaker #1
Oh, good point. This is a different kind of, you're listening, Ava. This is a different kind of why.
Speaker #0
Okay. A different kind of why.
Speaker #1
When I say what's my why, it's not, why is this happening? It's why am I doing this? Why is this important to me? It's good to ask those kinds of why's.
Speaker #0
Okay. So I'll give you permission.
Speaker #1
You know, why am I exercising? If you don't have a real why for that you're not gonna push through and exercise. That's where I'm, that's a personal example, by the way. Eating healthy, working on that relationship, even though it's hard, we see a lot of relationships don't continue that might could have if one or both of the people would have been resolved to, to know their why, you know? So we need a very strong why sometimes. to press through the very hardest of times and keep us going. So figure out that purpose can be real important. So that is one aspect of having that growing growth mindset. Another one is having perseverance. Yay. Yay. You get to stick with this sometimes for a long time.
Speaker #0
Wait, sorry to interrupt you, but do these all start with P?
Speaker #1
They all start with A. Ah,
Speaker #0
okay.
Speaker #1
I took you to number six to get there.
Speaker #0
Sorry, I was just like, wait a minute. Anyway, go ahead. Perseverance.
Speaker #1
Persevere. Persevere is kind of a dirty word a little bit. I mean, nobody, it's maybe I don't want to say it that way, but persevering is difficult. A lot of these concepts can be difficult. And you don't have to apply them all at once, by the way. Different circumstances will cause you to pick a P.
Speaker #0
What's your P? Yeah, what's your P? What P are you going to work on today?
Speaker #1
Don't say that without context in a group.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
But perseverance is very important to us in our growth as a person. We have to be able to keep going through hard times, through obstacles. And one of the main concepts or ideas I'd like to point out under the idea of perseverance is that one of the major roadblocks to persevering is being uncomfortable or inconvenienced. We don't like that at all. We don't even like to have like our coffee done in a way we don't like. I mean, we're. That is majorly inconvenient for us. So we will go out of our way to get our coffee just right. That's a little minor example. But our comfort and our convenience are so important to us. And it's very difficult to persevere when those aren't happening. Wouldn't you agree?
Speaker #0
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #1
So anything that's worth, anything that's valuable comes at a cost. We have to be willing to pay the price. Be inconvenienced. be uncomfortable, be inconvenienced and uncomfortable. Sometimes it's painful. There's a cost to it. If it's important to us, we will weather the cost that goes back to our why.
Speaker #0
See, I think I am, to give myself credit for something that I'm good at, I do think I am good at that.
Speaker #1
Pushing through. Yeah. I do too. Yes. You have a real sense of, I'm going to do this, dang it.
Speaker #0
Or even also just putting myself in uncomfortable situations because I know that. The reason I'm putting myself in that uncomfortable situation is more important than not going through the uncomfortable situation.
Speaker #1
Some people can't hang with that. That's a real challenge for a lot of people. And so it can be moved beyond. But you have to work at it just like all of these. And all of your challenges, all the uncomfortableness and inconveniences. can be a gift to you. This isn't going back again to our perspective and the filter that we look things through. We can persevere knowing that maybe this is my gift today. You know, I get to work through this. I get to figure out like why this can be beneficial in my life.
Speaker #0
I like where you say instead of like, I have to, I like. Or I like how you say I get to.
Speaker #1
I get to.
Speaker #0
Like, I think about that a lot sometimes. Like, even if my sister and I are arguing, sometimes when I look back at the situation, I think, what a blessing it is that I have a sister to argue with. Like, I get to argue with my sister, but I have a sister. And there's people out there that would do anything to argue with their sister.
Speaker #1
Or I get to argue with her, and maybe I'll learn something about how to not argue next time.
Speaker #0
We actually don't argue very much anymore. I'm very impressed with how our relationship has grown in the last couple of months.
Speaker #1
So good.
Speaker #0
It is good.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Those are big wins when you think about it. Oh,
Speaker #0
yes.
Speaker #1
The next thing I want to talk about is pursuit. Another P. Pursuit isn't and doesn't mean perfection. It's the process that mostly matters. Like you're never trying to get to a perfect relationship or a perfect marriage. It's the pursuit of having something better that's meaningful. And so when they, you know, you've heard of practice makes what? Perfect. And I just encourage us to reframe that as practice makes progress.
Speaker #0
That's good.
Speaker #1
Because it's the progress that matters. I think. We're so goal oriented and we think of our goals as the end, as the pinnacle. But really, it's everything in between that is the most valuable. Like I think I go back again to the example I've used a couple of different times about my failed business. If I just looked at the end goal there, man, that would be, that's a failure. That's bad. But I look at everything leading up to that and all the process. It was the process that's valuable. And I learned from the process and I'm going to take that with me to the next business.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And this is actually a couple of weeks ago. I was talking to my friend Raneem and I don't remember what we were talking about. And I don't know how it got deep so fast, but I just remember asking her, like, what do you think is the meaning of life? Like one of the biggest questions that human asks.
Speaker #1
That's a big one.
Speaker #0
That is a big one. And she pretty much was like, well, I don't really know because. no one really knows. I guess it's a personal question. But her response to me was the meaning of life is the process. The meaning of life is living life for what it is and not always trying to figure out like, oh, my life is going to be perfect or my life is going to have meaning if X, Y and Z happens. But more of just the purpose of life is to live it, to go through that. The process of life is to live it.
Speaker #1
Drop the bomb, Ava. Yes. The purpose of life is to live.
Speaker #0
And to just embrace it. Like life is not perfect. Like you said, pain is inevitable, but that's just part of being human.
Speaker #1
And how would you like to live? We want to live in freedom. We want to live. We want to walk in peace and freedom and walk in our calling because we each have a calling, by the way. So. We do this by growing in our minds and in our hearts.
Speaker #0
I think the next thing this leads us to is our next P, which is people. People, and I want you to think about this, Ava, because this is, you've never, you are probably, and most people that are listening have never heard of this before, but people are fuel. They are gas in our tanks. They help us go. We cannot live life alone. And people help us. to get where we want to be in life. This is not a solo journey like we talked about last time. We're not insular, right? We're not on an island. We could be, we can be if we choose to do so. But where we're going to thrive, where we're going to grow is with other people. There's this quote out there. I don't know who said it, but if you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far go together. So
Speaker #1
I... think that's also kind of a struggle for me because I've convinced myself that I am a strong independent woman.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. You've convinced yourself that you're a lone wolf. You've always been a little different and in your mentality, not in a bad way, in a great way. I mean, you have always kind of thought a little differently than people. You've always been a little more mature maybe, and you've always thought outside of the box. And I think you've just trained yourself to say, and I'm speaking for you, sorry. I think maybe you've just trained yourself to say, there's no one who gets me and I'm on this. I'm just doing this by myself.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah. And I think it's caused me to push a lot of people away, which is definitely something that I have some regrets about because you're right. Like we do need people and there's definitely people that I've pushed away. Excuse me, that I've pushed away because of that reason.
Speaker #0
Yes. So it's important to seek community, even though we feel different. Different is good. I think we need to embrace our differences. And so, again, we need to seek that community for all kinds of reasons, for teaching, for correction, for validation or support, or there's just a myriad of things that we need people for to really thrive in our own lives. One thing I might point out is that We need the right people, you know, and we can't pick all our people, you know, our families, our family, our people at our jobs or the people at our jobs. We don't kick everybody out that doesn't fit the definition of somebody who is the right person for us. But we can be strategic about this in certain areas and we need to be. If you think about, I want to, I want to use this analogy. My husband and I walk together and excuse me if he's listening, but it's brutal.
Speaker #1
Sorry, Mikey. She does love you. She promises.
Speaker #0
I do love you. But he is the slowest paced man. And I constantly am walking ahead of him. And it annoys him. Like he's like, he thinks it's a power play sometimes, you know. But it's really that he just has the slowest pace ever. And I'm constantly having to move back to his pace. Or he's having to move up to mine. So think about when you're walking together with somebody who's pace have you adjusted to? Like if you're walking with somebody who is negative all the time, is just maybe living a wild lifestyle that is not really your jam or putting, you know, whatever it is that's holding you back with this person, maybe it's not a person you should be walking closely with because your pace is being adjusted. And when I say pace, I don't mean your success, you know, how fast you can get to the top. I'm not talking about that. That's not what matters here. What matters is, is that you are being growth minded, right? And you want to go to these positive places, you can't be held back by all the negative. And so it's just important who you pace yourself with and who you're walking with in life, so that you can grow, because that's what we're talking about today is growing. And so I have always been very intentional, maybe even kind of brutal about that, where I eliminate people that don't, that I cannot walk with on the same pace. And that's not, I'm not, this is the opposite end of the extreme. Like I should, I should be more, a little more inclusive and be willing to, because some people you're meant to help.
Speaker #1
I think also that I can just be really hard on people sometimes. I think because I'm really hard on myself, sometimes I'm really hard on other people. And especially I feel like there's a lot of people who have met me where I am multiple times. And I should work a little bit harder to meet them where they are also. But I'm working on it.
Speaker #0
We're all a work in progress. We're all a work in progress.
Speaker #1
At least I am aware that I need to meet people. Yes. In the middle a little bit more.
Speaker #0
Yeah. We talked about it starts with awareness. Yeah. Way to go. I think mine is more, I have such a, this, this is, I would say one of the positive, most positive things about me and the most negative thing about me. And that's often the case with us. There's always a flip side is that I really don't care what other people think about me. I really don't.
Speaker #1
I think the same way.
Speaker #0
And I really don't need a big, huge basket of friends. and But on the opposite side, this causes me not to be very empathetic or loving towards other people.
Speaker #1
I think you've gotten better at it, though, wouldn't you say?
Speaker #0
I would think so. Yeah, I've gotten better at some things because I've really worked on it over time. Some things have taken years. Like I'm an old lady now and I have been working. I worked on my anger for probably 15 years before I really saw it move significantly. And now I'm so chill. You can't move me. next. You just, I can't remember the last time I was angry, but of course, a lot of those angry moments was when I had little kids and kids will take you to places you don't want to go. Really?
Speaker #1
I think Megan,
Speaker #0
the real thing, but you know, let's just start beginning to think of people as assets in our life and how we can use them, not use them. That sounds terrible, but how we can, can rightfully place people in our life. both on the giving and receiving end. They're fuel for us. And we can move on now to the next P, which is pressure is a privilege. This goes back to the idea of our pain can be a gift, but it's just one more aspect.
Speaker #1
That's two Ps.
Speaker #0
Mind changing, yes.
Speaker #1
But that's not nine and 10.
Speaker #0
We are all in. No, this is only one. Oh,
Speaker #1
okay.
Speaker #0
Pressure is a privilege. And it's an opportunity to grow. And that's a mind shift to think of, first of all, like we mentioned earlier, pain is a gift. But to think the pressure that I'm under. So it's not only pain. Pain is maybe the extreme, the next step of pressure. Pressure is like, oh, you know, like you have a timeline or you have a. But what a gift that is to be able to teach yourself, to train yourself. to maneuver around a pressure point.
Speaker #1
You know, I've always really thought of pressure as like a negative, but that kind of changes my perspective a little bit.
Speaker #0
That's right.
Speaker #1
And turns it into more of like a positive thing.
Speaker #0
Yes. And once again, you're changing your filter. You're taking another concept and applying it to this one way, a way to go, I should say. So the final thing is, is to praise. before your breakthrough. Keep track of what is happening and has happened and what is yet to come. And we praise God for it all. And this is definitely from a faith perspective. You could also say, be grateful. Be grateful. But grateful is not a P.
Speaker #1
So we're not going to say grateful because that would,
Speaker #0
we're going to say praise and we're going to say gratefulness. We're not going to whine or complain. We are going to evaluate and contemplate and we're going to be thankful. That'll get you a long way. There is a ton of research out there about gratitude. You could go online and just be inundated with the benefits of gratitude, right? Write it. down.
Speaker #1
We were just talking about this actually, because I was talking about how a couple of weeks ago I was really, really sad. And I had been writing in my little journal about why I was so sad and blah, blah, blah. And then one day I was like, actually, I'm going to sit here for 30 minutes. I'm going to write every single thing I'm grateful for. And I mean, 30 minutes is a really long time. And I was definitely writing things down. Like I am so thankful for the worms in the ground that bring nutrients to the flowers. Like I was getting very eager. I did. But once I sat back and looked at this list, it made me realize like. Yes, I'm sad about X, Y, and Z, but look at all the things that I have to be thankful for. And I have a lot more things to be thankful for than the things that I was hurting about or that I was sad about.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's gratitude. And that's what gratitude, that's the power of gratitude. It takes us into a different mindset. And so since we're talking about growth mindset, that rounds it out pretty well. I mean, all these 10 things that we can do. are just ideas. There's so much more out there in the field of growth mindset, but these are just some simple things that, and I say they're simple, they're simple, but they're hard to do sometimes, but they're things that we can, that can really move us forward. And that's what this is about. This is about, like we talked about last week at the very beginning, how to have a beautiful, meaningful, purposeful life. Nobody wants to just go through it. like a robot and suffer.
Speaker #1
Life is too beautiful not to fully live.
Speaker #0
Interesting. It makes me think of this quote by an author that isn't alive anymore. Her name is Ayn Rand. She wrote some really significant books back in the early 1900s. But one of her quotes is, the question isn't who is going to let me, it's who's going to stop me. Oh, so there's no one stopping us. We don't need permission to do any of this. Our circumstances do not matter, even though they're important. We just need to do this. How you deal with your circumstances is what is most important. And in the end, the only person stopping you might just be you. So what is our podcast called? Stop Wasting Your Life. Stop is the word. And it's your word and my word and Kate's word. Kate, the producer's word. It's our word to do or not to do. What does Yoda say? Do or no. Oh, no. There is no trying. There is only doing.
Speaker #1
That's what Yoda says?
Speaker #0
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Something like that. I did not know that. Forgive me, Star Wars fans out there for butchering that. But anyway, stop wasting your life. Girlies out there. And, you know, Ava. As you always say, you know, you want to help people live a life that they're happy to wake up to every morning. And, and you know what, I would go even deeper than that. You know, let's live a life that God has truly intended us for to live. Let's live a life of beauty and truth. Let's dig deeper. Let's find out what that means to us. And then set our minds and hearts around that. Let's be growth minded. Let's have a growth mindset.
Speaker #1
So can you remind us really quick before we leave what those 10 Ps are? Our 10 Ps to help us achieve a growth mindset.
Speaker #0
It is pain is inevitable, but it's also temporary. Okay. You have to have the proper perspective. How we view things and filter through them are important because we can change that. Preparation is important. We have to train our brains and our bodies and anything else in our minds. We have to train them to be ready for what's next. Number four is patience. And patience is not just waiting. You can be active in your patience. And then you have to have a purpose, something that's greater than even yourself. You have to know your why and why you're doing what you're doing and who you're doing it for sometimes. Okay, so that's number five. Number six is to be perseverant. We have to be able to come out of our comfort and convenience. to keep going.
Speaker #1
You can't grow in your comfort zone.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. And seven is you need to pursue. It's not about perfection. Practice makes progress. And in fact, sometimes practice makes permanent. Sometimes you do something and it's done. So sometimes you have to keep working at it, but we have to pursue it. Number eight is we need people. People are fuel for us. It helps us get to our next place in life. And we need to choose those people wisely sometimes so that we can go forward in our growth. And pressure is a privilege. You know, we have opportunities to grow even more when we're under pressure. And then the last one is praise. You have to praise before you get your breakthroughs or go to your next step. You have to be grateful and wait expectantly for what's good that's right around the corner.
Speaker #1
So just to kind of end things for this episode, what is one piece of advice in relation to the growth mindset and what we kind of talked about today that you would give someone so that they wouldn't waste their life?
Speaker #0
I guess I would say, are you going to grow or are you not? You have to make that decision and you have to make it every day. Am I going to go grow through this situation? Am I going to change this situation? A lot of us are stuck in our lives, unable to move. Because we're not willing to do it. And I'm not saying life doesn't get hard because it absolutely does. And it's not an easy thing. But we've got to be proactive in our lives. So if I had to say something, girl, stop wasting your life. Go take that next step. Do that next thing. Make that next decision. Do that scary thing you don't want to do. Quit living in fear. Maybe this is more than one thing.
Speaker #1
That's okay. I think they all combine into one.
Speaker #0
Combine to say, it's on you. And I don't want to be fatalistic in saying that, but I think it's important to know that we, this is our game to play and what's going to be your next move.
Speaker #1
Well, thank you so much for coming on again. Thank you for letting me drag you to my house. to stick a microphone in front of your face. But I just know that I really look up to you and I love having these conversations with you. And I am so very thankful that you are my second mom.
Speaker #0
Yes. I'm thankful for you too. You're the best daughter I've ever had. Yes.
Speaker #1
Well, that concludes our episode. This is usually where I would say, go enter into the Hawaii House giveaway, but that's done. Womp womp. You can't enter anymore. But we will announce the winner next episode. And sometime this week, we are going to reach out to that winner. So look for that email or that text and we will see you next week. Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review. give us a follow and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com and we will see you next week.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Description

The 10 Ps they unpack are:

Pain – facing it head-on and using it as purpose.
Perspective – shifting your filter and outlook.
Preparation – building tools before challenges hit.
Patience – active waiting and self-compassion.
Purpose – knowing your “why.”
Perseverance – pushing through discomfort.
Pursuit – valuing the process over perfection.
People – surrounding yourself with the right community.
Pressure – reframing it as a privilege.
Praise – practicing gratitude before the breakthrough.

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Hello and welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast. I'm Ava Heimbach, your host and founder, and I'm here again with longtime friend, mentor, and second mother Leanne. She was here last week talking about the growth mindset and we talked about what that is, what it isn't, and some of the aspects of the growth mindset. So today we are going to discuss 10 specific strategies to get you to that growth mindset. And this is where I would usually say go enter into that Hawaii house giveaway, but it is done. So in the next couple of days, we will choose a winner and we will announce the winner on our next episode. And also we'll reach out to them personally. So in the next couple of days, if you entered, cross your fingers that we reach out to you because that means you won. Also. Before every episode, I say it and I'm going to say it again. I just want to remind everyone that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. And we're not here to tell you how to live your life, but just want to give you ideas and knowledge and inspiration to help you get there to create a life that is beautiful to you. Welcome to Stop Wasting Your Life, the podcast that helps you break free from a life of self-doubt and distraction. and inspires you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life. Each week, we dive into actionable advice, meaningful conversation, and insightful interviews to empower you to prioritize your well-being, pursue your passions, and become the best version of yourself. It's time to stop wasting your life and start building one that you are excited to wake up to. Hello. Once again, I'm Ava Heimbach, your host, and I'm here with Leanne Shaw. And this is stop wasting your life. So I was thinking about the question that you asked last week. And I have figured out one way that I kind of am in a fixed mindset. And that is me being stubborn. I definitely am very bad about being flexible. I think sometimes I'm just a little bit too set in my ways. And I'm right, you're wrong type of mindset. So knowing me as a kid, would you say I was stubborn? Or do you think I'm more stubborn now?
Speaker #1
I think when you're a kid, it presents itself differently. You grow into stubbornness, I think, in a way. I don't know. I feel like you were a leader. You were do it my way kind of person. And all the other kids did.
Speaker #0
Oh, I remember being bossy. Go ask any of my friends from being little and they would be like, you are bossy. I was.
Speaker #1
It was Ava's. Lion King play.
Speaker #0
You had to be in my play.
Speaker #1
Nobody else.
Speaker #0
You're going to be Mufasa and there's no, that's just what it is.
Speaker #1
And all the little kids just followed what you wanted to do. You were, you told them how to build the fort. You told them if they were going outside or not, and they did it. So I think you've always had that more and you know, you can call it bossy. Maybe, you know, it is a little bit. It's a leadership quality.
Speaker #0
I mean, I asked my parents, I said, would you say I was stubborn growing up? And my mom goes, oh, yeah, you were stubborn. I was like, oh, OK, that she didn't really need to think about that one. So but I'm still pretty stubborn and they'll admit that, too. But I'm learning how to be flexible. I'm going to be a palm tree.
Speaker #1
Do you have a specific example of where you have maybe stubbornness has showed its ugly head this last week?
Speaker #0
Oh, this last week. Ooh, let me think. Yeah,
Speaker #1
let's think about that one.
Speaker #0
Let me think. Last week, my sister and I were in Italy together. And there was one, the day before we left, we were walking back from, I don't know, like the Sistine Chapel or something. And she really wanted to shop because we only had one day left. And I was flat out like, no, we are not shopping. I don't care why you want to shop. I don't want to, and we're not going to do it. And I really had to remind myself that. no, I cannot be stubborn in this situation. I need to compromise with her and meet her in the middle. And if she wants to shop for a little, that's not going to hurt me. And I ended up letting her shop for a little bit and it was fine. She bought some stuff. I ended up buying some stuff too. And we went on with our day and I feel like
Speaker #1
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker #0
Thank you. Cause in the past, I feel like I would have just said no. And if she wanted to or not just, yeah, the answer was going to be no.
Speaker #1
That's a growth moment. Yes. Yes. That's setting some new neural pathways.
Speaker #0
Yes.
Speaker #1
You're doing this.
Speaker #0
Did I pass?
Speaker #1
You passed. Yes. I too was looking at myself a little differently this last week. And, you know, one of the bullet points or one of the things that I talked about last week was being curious. And I find that oftentimes this is a real weakness of mine because I tend to, somebody says something and I tend to jump right into it with an opinion or a thought. And a good example, kind of a trivial example of this is my husband introduced the fact that he got some new golf clubs. And I... was shocked because I thought he just got new golf clubs. And instead of just reacting to that, like, wow, why did you get new golf clubs? I decided to be curious. And I started asking questions. And when I asked questions, I realized that he actually traded in his old golf clubs on the new golf clubs. And he gave me the whole story about why he did it. And in the end, I didn't make a fool out of myself, you know, and, and totally jump in. And I, you know, that's part of growing and that's part of respecting other people. Because when we talk about growth mindset, we're not only talking about our own growth and maturity and what, what we need to work on as it applies to ourself, but how it applies to others. It's very important to be not so self-centric. This whole thing we're talking about, I want to put it in the light of that. We're doing this not just for ourselves. We're growing our minds and thinking outside of our boxes and trying to get to next level so that we can better our own lives and better the lives of those around us.
Speaker #0
Okay, so let's just jump into discussing those strategies, those 10 strategies to get us to that growth mindset.
Speaker #1
The first one I want to talk about is pain. So we'll just start at the most painful place here. Pain is inevitable. So we talked about this last time a little bit that everyone experiences pain. It doesn't matter who you are. So it's what we do with our pain that matters and makes a difference. And so a good example of this I was just thinking of is a cow versus a buffalo. And A cow will run, and most actually animals will run from a storm. They run away from the storm. And in doing so, the storm catches up with you, right? You can't outrun a storm. So the storm will catch up. And it actually makes you stay in the storm longer. So the cow is in the storm longer because they're trying to outrun it. Does that make sense? Uh-huh. Yeah. Buffalo doesn't do that. The buffalo looks at the storm and it turns into it and it runs into it and through it and out on the other side. You can look that up. It is a part of the characteristics of a buffalo. I actually have a giant buffalo picture in my kitchen. But a buffalo runs into the storm and therefore he weathers it. He takes it right in the chin and. keeps moving through it. And therefore he gets through the storm faster and comes out on the other side. So we can outrun our pain, but we can outlast it. We can beat it. We, if we had it, if we meet it straight on, and also we can think of our pain and you know, this Ava, as you've lived some life, how you can use it to help other people. And I know that I've used my personal pain for that. And eventually, not right away, we can think of our of our pain as part of our purpose. You know,
Speaker #0
this is so random, but anytime I'm like really, really sad or I'm having a really bad day or I'm just not feeling my best, I always remind myself to do one good thing for someone else, because number one, I genuinely think it helps my mood when I see someone else happy and Number two, I like to think that because of my pain, someone else is getting something good, if that makes sense. Like last week when I was really sad, I texted someone I know who lost her son and said, I'm going to bring you a vegetarian lasagna because it brought me joy knowing that in my pain, I was going to help someone else. Does that make sense?
Speaker #1
It makes perfect sense. when we're wrapped up in ourselves and in our own pain. then we just wallow in that. The key is to look outside yourself. So we have to realize the first point is we have to realize pain is inevitable, but it's temporary and we will get through it. And that isn't always on the top of our minds when we're going through it. So it's good to remind yourself of that. Pain is inevitable. The second is perspective matters. How we look at something, how we view our circumstances is important. What is your filter? That's something you can ask yourself. Or what lens am I looking at this through? If it's through constant negativity, no, that's not great. Am I looking at it through anger? Am I looking at it through hurt? Am I looking at it as a victim? If we change our filter, it changes a lot. And we can even think about that as like in today's day and age, we're constantly filtering our pictures and we're putting a filter on that picture to make it look different and appear different. So in the same respect, we can look at circumstances. And we can put that filter on a positivity and curiosity and that instead of why, what, why is this happening? What is happening right now? What is it that I'm needing to learn here? Or even if all this turns out for the bad, you know, our perspective helps us to navigate that situation better. You have to change that filter. And that's where. you know, you can think of what filter am I using right now?
Speaker #0
So what's an example where you really had to force yourself to change your perspective?
Speaker #1
Well, God, I think of one immediately because I've been married a while. I've been married 31 years. And if you don't change your perspective every once in a while about your husband, you're not going to make it for real. But I honestly have told, I honestly had a period of time. And this is where I guess I'm going to get real on this podcast. where I really felt like I had to leave my husband. I mean, this was a while back, but my filter was telling me all these bad things about him. But then I realized it was only my filter. And at the time, I didn't describe it as a filter. I described it as a veil over my eyes that you can kind of see what's going on, but it was darkening my perspective. somehow and I think it was just God working in me I don't know I the veil came off and I could see more clearly it was the same guy the same situation he did not change but I was looking at it differently and more realistically it's amazing how we can lie to ourselves so
Speaker #0
that do you have an example right off that you can think of I would say that in like relationships like you were talking about there was just someone recently who I thought did something really wrong to me. And I think that I was very resentful of that. And I was angry. And all I could think of was, why did you do that? What did I do wrong to make you want to do that? And just a lot of anger. But then when I really step back and look at the situation, I realized that he did it because, or I think like, Maybe he did it because he was hurting, or maybe he did it because something else was going on in his life. And it wasn't out of malicious intent, but it was out of hurt or sadness.
Speaker #1
In your case, you're looking at a situation from another person's perspective, which is really valuable and helpful. And when you're able to think. outside of yourself again, getting somewhere in your growth. So
Speaker #0
I think it's also hard though, because I still revert back to those angry feelings of like, Oh yeah, why did you do that? That was wrong. You're the reason that X, Y, and Z happens. And so it's really, really hard for me to remind myself to think of it from a different perspective also.
Speaker #1
Yes. None of this is easy, by the way.
Speaker #0
I wish it was.
Speaker #1
Every... step of the journey is getting you somewhere. So you just keep practicing it. And we'll talk about that later. But as we wrap up talking about perspective here, you're going to find happiness and contentment and peace where you look for it. What we look for, we find most of the time. So it's important that we look for the good in our situation. and in others. Another thing we can do to increase our growth mindset is to prepare. Preparation. You need to be ready for what life brings your way and training. is necessary. Really what you're doing is you're training for the trial you're not in yet. And that looks a little different for everybody. But if you can train yourself and you might, well, you're like, what does training mean? What am I training myself to do? You're, you're learning about yourself. You're growing as a person. You're fostering good relationships. That's a big, important one. You're praying, you're engaging with God, you're doing all these things in the good times. So when the bad times hit, you have a well of resources that you can draw from. You have a deep well, and the deeper your well, the more you're going to be able to handle the big struggles that come in life.
Speaker #0
I actually, my counselor brought up something like this because I asked her once, like, I feel kind of silly sometimes going to counseling and talking about grieving. something that is pretty small. I mean, even like sometimes I say, I feel like I'm grieving something so small, but there are people out there grieving the loss of a loved one. And she said, well, one day it's inevitable. You're going to have to grieve the loss of a loved one too. And you're already building these tools right now so that when that happens, you're going to be able to get through it with these tools that you've already been working on. You're not going to have to wait until you lose your grandma to figure out how the heck you're going to get through it. Like you're already going to have that base of like, okay, I know I can get through this. I've gotten through the small griefs and I'm going to be able to get through these big griefs with these things that I've already learned.
Speaker #1
You might think of that as you're doing your homework. So when the true test comes. you're prepared. So you do hopefully learn from those lesser experiences that teach you something. This is why, this is random, but this is why I taught my kids when they were little, don't say stupid because it's a little thing and it sounds silly. Stupid isn't a bad thing, but it teaches them in little ways to guard their language and to understand what it means to control what comes out of your mouth so that when you get older, you can say stupid all day long, but you, you know, you, you don't say those other things, you know, you shouldn't say even as adults, we shouldn't say certain things. So anyway, that just reminded me of that concept of how we train in life. Like we train by tackling the smaller things that teach us how to do the bigger things. So that's really important. And The lessons that you can learn in those small moments, you take with you and you build on later and you can, that's another thing you draw out of your well. That's a resource for you. And moving on, let's talk about the next thing, which is a hard one for all of us, I think, is patience. We have to be willing to wait. I encourage us, all of us, to reframe what patience looks like and how we define it, because we think of it as being real passive. And we're stagnant, we're not moving, we're being patient, and we're waiting. But patience in its true, full form is not that at all. It's not, we're not just sitting there and waiting for something to happen. Patience can be really active. You can be doing things while you wait. You know, patience is a disciplined, intentional posture in life. that says, you know, even though you're waiting for something to happen, it's not like you're doing nothing in the waiting time. So I might say, you know, don't waste your waiting. I mean, don't sit there and just decide to be wallow in it and wonder what's going to happen next. Be proactive. And I don't know what that looks like in any given situation. It's going to look completely different, but... You can ask yourself questions. Again, you can be curious about the situation. You can look for answers and solutions. You can seek counsel. You can have support and reach out to others and pray and talk about these. I mean, there are things to be done and there are actions to be had while you wait and to have patience in the meantime. So patience is going to look different for you, Ava. What you're currently going through, it's going to look different. We're all in a state of waiting for something, right? And so I hate it. Yeah.
Speaker #0
I just want it right now.
Speaker #1
And we all think we know how it has to happen. And we've got it all planned out, of course. But there's beauty in just the calm waiting.
Speaker #0
I think for me also, I really struggle with being patient with other people. But I also really struggle with being patient with myself. And so I think it's something I need to work on. both for others and for myself, because I think that I deserve patience, just like other people deserve my patience also.
Speaker #1
It's a give and take. And so there are two sides of that coin for sure that I think are worthy of working on. And next we might move on to purpose. It's hard, you know, to push through life without a purpose.
Speaker #0
Hence the podcast.
Speaker #1
You know, you need a reason to keep going. It's just like in my, I mentioned that one of my businesses failed. It was because I didn't have a real reason to keep going. Like I had started a business that was pretty practical and I didn't have a real passion for that. And I didn't think I needed a passion for it, but it turns out, yeah, you kind of need a little bit of passion to keep you going. You need a reason for it. And so it's good to have a purpose. You know, it's good to ask yourself, what's my why? Why am I doing this? Why do I care about this?
Speaker #0
I thought we weren't supposed to ask why.
Speaker #1
Oh, good point. This is a different kind of, you're listening, Ava. This is a different kind of why.
Speaker #0
Okay. A different kind of why.
Speaker #1
When I say what's my why, it's not, why is this happening? It's why am I doing this? Why is this important to me? It's good to ask those kinds of why's.
Speaker #0
Okay. So I'll give you permission.
Speaker #1
You know, why am I exercising? If you don't have a real why for that you're not gonna push through and exercise. That's where I'm, that's a personal example, by the way. Eating healthy, working on that relationship, even though it's hard, we see a lot of relationships don't continue that might could have if one or both of the people would have been resolved to, to know their why, you know? So we need a very strong why sometimes. to press through the very hardest of times and keep us going. So figure out that purpose can be real important. So that is one aspect of having that growing growth mindset. Another one is having perseverance. Yay. Yay. You get to stick with this sometimes for a long time.
Speaker #0
Wait, sorry to interrupt you, but do these all start with P?
Speaker #1
They all start with A. Ah,
Speaker #0
okay.
Speaker #1
I took you to number six to get there.
Speaker #0
Sorry, I was just like, wait a minute. Anyway, go ahead. Perseverance.
Speaker #1
Persevere. Persevere is kind of a dirty word a little bit. I mean, nobody, it's maybe I don't want to say it that way, but persevering is difficult. A lot of these concepts can be difficult. And you don't have to apply them all at once, by the way. Different circumstances will cause you to pick a P.
Speaker #0
What's your P? Yeah, what's your P? What P are you going to work on today?
Speaker #1
Don't say that without context in a group.
Speaker #0
Okay.
Speaker #1
But perseverance is very important to us in our growth as a person. We have to be able to keep going through hard times, through obstacles. And one of the main concepts or ideas I'd like to point out under the idea of perseverance is that one of the major roadblocks to persevering is being uncomfortable or inconvenienced. We don't like that at all. We don't even like to have like our coffee done in a way we don't like. I mean, we're. That is majorly inconvenient for us. So we will go out of our way to get our coffee just right. That's a little minor example. But our comfort and our convenience are so important to us. And it's very difficult to persevere when those aren't happening. Wouldn't you agree?
Speaker #0
Oh, yeah.
Speaker #1
So anything that's worth, anything that's valuable comes at a cost. We have to be willing to pay the price. Be inconvenienced. be uncomfortable, be inconvenienced and uncomfortable. Sometimes it's painful. There's a cost to it. If it's important to us, we will weather the cost that goes back to our why.
Speaker #0
See, I think I am, to give myself credit for something that I'm good at, I do think I am good at that.
Speaker #1
Pushing through. Yeah. I do too. Yes. You have a real sense of, I'm going to do this, dang it.
Speaker #0
Or even also just putting myself in uncomfortable situations because I know that. The reason I'm putting myself in that uncomfortable situation is more important than not going through the uncomfortable situation.
Speaker #1
Some people can't hang with that. That's a real challenge for a lot of people. And so it can be moved beyond. But you have to work at it just like all of these. And all of your challenges, all the uncomfortableness and inconveniences. can be a gift to you. This isn't going back again to our perspective and the filter that we look things through. We can persevere knowing that maybe this is my gift today. You know, I get to work through this. I get to figure out like why this can be beneficial in my life.
Speaker #0
I like where you say instead of like, I have to, I like. Or I like how you say I get to.
Speaker #1
I get to.
Speaker #0
Like, I think about that a lot sometimes. Like, even if my sister and I are arguing, sometimes when I look back at the situation, I think, what a blessing it is that I have a sister to argue with. Like, I get to argue with my sister, but I have a sister. And there's people out there that would do anything to argue with their sister.
Speaker #1
Or I get to argue with her, and maybe I'll learn something about how to not argue next time.
Speaker #0
We actually don't argue very much anymore. I'm very impressed with how our relationship has grown in the last couple of months.
Speaker #1
So good.
Speaker #0
It is good.
Speaker #1
Yeah. Those are big wins when you think about it. Oh,
Speaker #0
yes.
Speaker #1
The next thing I want to talk about is pursuit. Another P. Pursuit isn't and doesn't mean perfection. It's the process that mostly matters. Like you're never trying to get to a perfect relationship or a perfect marriage. It's the pursuit of having something better that's meaningful. And so when they, you know, you've heard of practice makes what? Perfect. And I just encourage us to reframe that as practice makes progress.
Speaker #0
That's good.
Speaker #1
Because it's the progress that matters. I think. We're so goal oriented and we think of our goals as the end, as the pinnacle. But really, it's everything in between that is the most valuable. Like I think I go back again to the example I've used a couple of different times about my failed business. If I just looked at the end goal there, man, that would be, that's a failure. That's bad. But I look at everything leading up to that and all the process. It was the process that's valuable. And I learned from the process and I'm going to take that with me to the next business.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And this is actually a couple of weeks ago. I was talking to my friend Raneem and I don't remember what we were talking about. And I don't know how it got deep so fast, but I just remember asking her, like, what do you think is the meaning of life? Like one of the biggest questions that human asks.
Speaker #1
That's a big one.
Speaker #0
That is a big one. And she pretty much was like, well, I don't really know because. no one really knows. I guess it's a personal question. But her response to me was the meaning of life is the process. The meaning of life is living life for what it is and not always trying to figure out like, oh, my life is going to be perfect or my life is going to have meaning if X, Y and Z happens. But more of just the purpose of life is to live it, to go through that. The process of life is to live it.
Speaker #1
Drop the bomb, Ava. Yes. The purpose of life is to live.
Speaker #0
And to just embrace it. Like life is not perfect. Like you said, pain is inevitable, but that's just part of being human.
Speaker #1
And how would you like to live? We want to live in freedom. We want to live. We want to walk in peace and freedom and walk in our calling because we each have a calling, by the way. So. We do this by growing in our minds and in our hearts.
Speaker #0
I think the next thing this leads us to is our next P, which is people. People, and I want you to think about this, Ava, because this is, you've never, you are probably, and most people that are listening have never heard of this before, but people are fuel. They are gas in our tanks. They help us go. We cannot live life alone. And people help us. to get where we want to be in life. This is not a solo journey like we talked about last time. We're not insular, right? We're not on an island. We could be, we can be if we choose to do so. But where we're going to thrive, where we're going to grow is with other people. There's this quote out there. I don't know who said it, but if you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far go together. So
Speaker #1
I... think that's also kind of a struggle for me because I've convinced myself that I am a strong independent woman.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. You've convinced yourself that you're a lone wolf. You've always been a little different and in your mentality, not in a bad way, in a great way. I mean, you have always kind of thought a little differently than people. You've always been a little more mature maybe, and you've always thought outside of the box. And I think you've just trained yourself to say, and I'm speaking for you, sorry. I think maybe you've just trained yourself to say, there's no one who gets me and I'm on this. I'm just doing this by myself.
Speaker #1
Oh, yeah. And I think it's caused me to push a lot of people away, which is definitely something that I have some regrets about because you're right. Like we do need people and there's definitely people that I've pushed away. Excuse me, that I've pushed away because of that reason.
Speaker #0
Yes. So it's important to seek community, even though we feel different. Different is good. I think we need to embrace our differences. And so, again, we need to seek that community for all kinds of reasons, for teaching, for correction, for validation or support, or there's just a myriad of things that we need people for to really thrive in our own lives. One thing I might point out is that We need the right people, you know, and we can't pick all our people, you know, our families, our family, our people at our jobs or the people at our jobs. We don't kick everybody out that doesn't fit the definition of somebody who is the right person for us. But we can be strategic about this in certain areas and we need to be. If you think about, I want to, I want to use this analogy. My husband and I walk together and excuse me if he's listening, but it's brutal.
Speaker #1
Sorry, Mikey. She does love you. She promises.
Speaker #0
I do love you. But he is the slowest paced man. And I constantly am walking ahead of him. And it annoys him. Like he's like, he thinks it's a power play sometimes, you know. But it's really that he just has the slowest pace ever. And I'm constantly having to move back to his pace. Or he's having to move up to mine. So think about when you're walking together with somebody who's pace have you adjusted to? Like if you're walking with somebody who is negative all the time, is just maybe living a wild lifestyle that is not really your jam or putting, you know, whatever it is that's holding you back with this person, maybe it's not a person you should be walking closely with because your pace is being adjusted. And when I say pace, I don't mean your success, you know, how fast you can get to the top. I'm not talking about that. That's not what matters here. What matters is, is that you are being growth minded, right? And you want to go to these positive places, you can't be held back by all the negative. And so it's just important who you pace yourself with and who you're walking with in life, so that you can grow, because that's what we're talking about today is growing. And so I have always been very intentional, maybe even kind of brutal about that, where I eliminate people that don't, that I cannot walk with on the same pace. And that's not, I'm not, this is the opposite end of the extreme. Like I should, I should be more, a little more inclusive and be willing to, because some people you're meant to help.
Speaker #1
I think also that I can just be really hard on people sometimes. I think because I'm really hard on myself, sometimes I'm really hard on other people. And especially I feel like there's a lot of people who have met me where I am multiple times. And I should work a little bit harder to meet them where they are also. But I'm working on it.
Speaker #0
We're all a work in progress. We're all a work in progress.
Speaker #1
At least I am aware that I need to meet people. Yes. In the middle a little bit more.
Speaker #0
Yeah. We talked about it starts with awareness. Yeah. Way to go. I think mine is more, I have such a, this, this is, I would say one of the positive, most positive things about me and the most negative thing about me. And that's often the case with us. There's always a flip side is that I really don't care what other people think about me. I really don't.
Speaker #1
I think the same way.
Speaker #0
And I really don't need a big, huge basket of friends. and But on the opposite side, this causes me not to be very empathetic or loving towards other people.
Speaker #1
I think you've gotten better at it, though, wouldn't you say?
Speaker #0
I would think so. Yeah, I've gotten better at some things because I've really worked on it over time. Some things have taken years. Like I'm an old lady now and I have been working. I worked on my anger for probably 15 years before I really saw it move significantly. And now I'm so chill. You can't move me. next. You just, I can't remember the last time I was angry, but of course, a lot of those angry moments was when I had little kids and kids will take you to places you don't want to go. Really?
Speaker #1
I think Megan,
Speaker #0
the real thing, but you know, let's just start beginning to think of people as assets in our life and how we can use them, not use them. That sounds terrible, but how we can, can rightfully place people in our life. both on the giving and receiving end. They're fuel for us. And we can move on now to the next P, which is pressure is a privilege. This goes back to the idea of our pain can be a gift, but it's just one more aspect.
Speaker #1
That's two Ps.
Speaker #0
Mind changing, yes.
Speaker #1
But that's not nine and 10.
Speaker #0
We are all in. No, this is only one. Oh,
Speaker #1
okay.
Speaker #0
Pressure is a privilege. And it's an opportunity to grow. And that's a mind shift to think of, first of all, like we mentioned earlier, pain is a gift. But to think the pressure that I'm under. So it's not only pain. Pain is maybe the extreme, the next step of pressure. Pressure is like, oh, you know, like you have a timeline or you have a. But what a gift that is to be able to teach yourself, to train yourself. to maneuver around a pressure point.
Speaker #1
You know, I've always really thought of pressure as like a negative, but that kind of changes my perspective a little bit.
Speaker #0
That's right.
Speaker #1
And turns it into more of like a positive thing.
Speaker #0
Yes. And once again, you're changing your filter. You're taking another concept and applying it to this one way, a way to go, I should say. So the final thing is, is to praise. before your breakthrough. Keep track of what is happening and has happened and what is yet to come. And we praise God for it all. And this is definitely from a faith perspective. You could also say, be grateful. Be grateful. But grateful is not a P.
Speaker #1
So we're not going to say grateful because that would,
Speaker #0
we're going to say praise and we're going to say gratefulness. We're not going to whine or complain. We are going to evaluate and contemplate and we're going to be thankful. That'll get you a long way. There is a ton of research out there about gratitude. You could go online and just be inundated with the benefits of gratitude, right? Write it. down.
Speaker #1
We were just talking about this actually, because I was talking about how a couple of weeks ago I was really, really sad. And I had been writing in my little journal about why I was so sad and blah, blah, blah. And then one day I was like, actually, I'm going to sit here for 30 minutes. I'm going to write every single thing I'm grateful for. And I mean, 30 minutes is a really long time. And I was definitely writing things down. Like I am so thankful for the worms in the ground that bring nutrients to the flowers. Like I was getting very eager. I did. But once I sat back and looked at this list, it made me realize like. Yes, I'm sad about X, Y, and Z, but look at all the things that I have to be thankful for. And I have a lot more things to be thankful for than the things that I was hurting about or that I was sad about.
Speaker #0
Yeah, that's gratitude. And that's what gratitude, that's the power of gratitude. It takes us into a different mindset. And so since we're talking about growth mindset, that rounds it out pretty well. I mean, all these 10 things that we can do. are just ideas. There's so much more out there in the field of growth mindset, but these are just some simple things that, and I say they're simple, they're simple, but they're hard to do sometimes, but they're things that we can, that can really move us forward. And that's what this is about. This is about, like we talked about last week at the very beginning, how to have a beautiful, meaningful, purposeful life. Nobody wants to just go through it. like a robot and suffer.
Speaker #1
Life is too beautiful not to fully live.
Speaker #0
Interesting. It makes me think of this quote by an author that isn't alive anymore. Her name is Ayn Rand. She wrote some really significant books back in the early 1900s. But one of her quotes is, the question isn't who is going to let me, it's who's going to stop me. Oh, so there's no one stopping us. We don't need permission to do any of this. Our circumstances do not matter, even though they're important. We just need to do this. How you deal with your circumstances is what is most important. And in the end, the only person stopping you might just be you. So what is our podcast called? Stop Wasting Your Life. Stop is the word. And it's your word and my word and Kate's word. Kate, the producer's word. It's our word to do or not to do. What does Yoda say? Do or no. Oh, no. There is no trying. There is only doing.
Speaker #1
That's what Yoda says?
Speaker #0
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Something like that. I did not know that. Forgive me, Star Wars fans out there for butchering that. But anyway, stop wasting your life. Girlies out there. And, you know, Ava. As you always say, you know, you want to help people live a life that they're happy to wake up to every morning. And, and you know what, I would go even deeper than that. You know, let's live a life that God has truly intended us for to live. Let's live a life of beauty and truth. Let's dig deeper. Let's find out what that means to us. And then set our minds and hearts around that. Let's be growth minded. Let's have a growth mindset.
Speaker #1
So can you remind us really quick before we leave what those 10 Ps are? Our 10 Ps to help us achieve a growth mindset.
Speaker #0
It is pain is inevitable, but it's also temporary. Okay. You have to have the proper perspective. How we view things and filter through them are important because we can change that. Preparation is important. We have to train our brains and our bodies and anything else in our minds. We have to train them to be ready for what's next. Number four is patience. And patience is not just waiting. You can be active in your patience. And then you have to have a purpose, something that's greater than even yourself. You have to know your why and why you're doing what you're doing and who you're doing it for sometimes. Okay, so that's number five. Number six is to be perseverant. We have to be able to come out of our comfort and convenience. to keep going.
Speaker #1
You can't grow in your comfort zone.
Speaker #0
No, no, no. And seven is you need to pursue. It's not about perfection. Practice makes progress. And in fact, sometimes practice makes permanent. Sometimes you do something and it's done. So sometimes you have to keep working at it, but we have to pursue it. Number eight is we need people. People are fuel for us. It helps us get to our next place in life. And we need to choose those people wisely sometimes so that we can go forward in our growth. And pressure is a privilege. You know, we have opportunities to grow even more when we're under pressure. And then the last one is praise. You have to praise before you get your breakthroughs or go to your next step. You have to be grateful and wait expectantly for what's good that's right around the corner.
Speaker #1
So just to kind of end things for this episode, what is one piece of advice in relation to the growth mindset and what we kind of talked about today that you would give someone so that they wouldn't waste their life?
Speaker #0
I guess I would say, are you going to grow or are you not? You have to make that decision and you have to make it every day. Am I going to go grow through this situation? Am I going to change this situation? A lot of us are stuck in our lives, unable to move. Because we're not willing to do it. And I'm not saying life doesn't get hard because it absolutely does. And it's not an easy thing. But we've got to be proactive in our lives. So if I had to say something, girl, stop wasting your life. Go take that next step. Do that next thing. Make that next decision. Do that scary thing you don't want to do. Quit living in fear. Maybe this is more than one thing.
Speaker #1
That's okay. I think they all combine into one.
Speaker #0
Combine to say, it's on you. And I don't want to be fatalistic in saying that, but I think it's important to know that we, this is our game to play and what's going to be your next move.
Speaker #1
Well, thank you so much for coming on again. Thank you for letting me drag you to my house. to stick a microphone in front of your face. But I just know that I really look up to you and I love having these conversations with you. And I am so very thankful that you are my second mom.
Speaker #0
Yes. I'm thankful for you too. You're the best daughter I've ever had. Yes.
Speaker #1
Well, that concludes our episode. This is usually where I would say, go enter into the Hawaii House giveaway, but that's done. Womp womp. You can't enter anymore. But we will announce the winner next episode. And sometime this week, we are going to reach out to that winner. So look for that email or that text and we will see you next week. Thanks for listening to today's episode of Stop Wasting Your Life. We hope that you are feeling motivated to take charge of your future and start living with purpose, intention, and authenticity. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to leave us a good review. give us a follow and subscribe to our newsletter. For more information, go to www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com and we will see you next week.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Stop Wasting Your Life

Stop Wasting Your Life began with a question our founder Ava Heinbach asked herself: “What am I doing with my life?”

Life is too short to live on autopilot—and far too meaningful to waste. Welcome to the journey.

https://www.stopwastingyourlifepodcast.com/

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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