🌟📝 How to Do a Life Audit: A Simple Tool to Achieve Your Dreams w/ Ximena Vengoechea | Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

Description

Do you feel overwhelmed by your dreams and goals, unsure of where to start? Today’s guest, Ximena Vengoechea, is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator, known for her books on personal growth and well-being. Her concept of a life audit goes beyond organization—it’s about reconnecting with your deepest desires, assessing where you are, and charting a clear path toward where you want to go.

✨ From this episode, you’ll learn:

-How to conduct a life audit to uncover your true goals and wishes

-The difference between true wishes and should wishes (and why it matters)

-Why identifying core values helps you align your actions with your authentic self

-Why analog tools are necessary to make your wishes come true & which are best to use

-How to prioritize your wishes by categories and make timelines to go after them

This conversation is packed with practical insights and heartfelt wisdom to help you navigate your creative journey. Ximena’s approach to self-discovery and creativity is as enriching as it is actionable—and I believe it can be instrumental in helping you take the next steps toward the life you’ve always imagined.

🎧 Tune in now and get ready to reconnect with your truest desires!

More on Ximena

And! If you want some support for your creative endeavors, I'd love to have you in my workshop! You can sign up for Kickstart Your Creative Project in 2025 HERE: https://www.laurenlograsso.com/book-online Use code KICKSTART for $10 off if you sign up by January 2nd!

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Transcription

Speaker #0
Do you feel fulfilled? Do you have a lot of dreams and goals but feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure of where to start? Then I'm really glad you're here. Today's guests will share an actionable way to reconnect with your deepest desires and give you the tools you need to actually achieve them. Happy New Year, my love, and welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I'm a Webby Award-winning podcast host and producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. This show sits at the intersection of mental health, self-development, and spirituality, and it is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your right to creativity and pursue whatever it is that's on your heart. Kicking off 2025 is Ximena Vinquechea. She is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator known for her books on personal growth and well-being. Ximena's writing has appeared in places like Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Forbes, and Fast Company. Her latest work, The Life Audit, a step-by-step guide to discovering your goals and building the life you want, is an amazing resource for getting what you want out of life and what we'll be discussing here today. I wanted to have Ximena on because she offers a practical yet deeply enriching approach to self-discovery and creativity. Her concept of a life audit isn't just about getting organized or something like that. It's actually about reconnecting with your truest desires, assessing where you are. and figuring out where you want to go. I believe her insights will be instrumental in helping you navigate your creative journey in 2025, just as they have been for me. From today's chat, you'll learn how to conduct a life audit, why identifying core values is so deeply important, the necessity of distinguishing between true wishes and should wishes, how to use post-it notes for effective brainstorming, and much more. Okay, now here she is, Ximena Venkochea. Ximena, I am so excited to have you on Unleash Your Inner Creative, this book that you've written, The Life Audit. To me, it's like manifestation for the very practical person or skeptic along with the woo-woo lovers out there, like no human is left behind. And I also see it as a powerful tool to build self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge, which is the promise of this show. So thank you for being on the podcast.
Speaker #1
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker #0
Oh my gosh, my pleasure. So I guess like let's start with the basics. What is a life audit?
Speaker #1
Yes. So a life audit, I like to think of it as spring cleaning for the soul. So this is really a system to help you figure out what you want out of this one true beautiful life. It is an opportunity to dig deep and unearth some of those hidden desires that we might have, or maybe some wishes that we let go or were told maybe not to pursue. It's really an opportunity to... reconnect with ourselves and figure out what do we want out of this life? And then how can we start to begin to chart a path forward?
Speaker #0
And this idea came to you from a very personal moment. You literally were doing a life audit on your own life. You found yourself in a moment where you weren't completely happy with what was going down and you realized you needed some changes. Can you take me through how you discovered the life audit and how it affected your life?
Speaker #1
Yes. So this was about 10 years ago. I had just moved from New York to San Francisco. I was starting what felt like a really promising new career, but had kind of taken that first baby step where, you know, you take the entry level position and you know, well, this is not quite right. But I think I'm I think I'm heading in the right direction, but it's not quite right as a fit. And at the same time, I had a lot of this great energy that you have when you move to a new place where you're like. you're dating, you're trying things, you're kind of like rediscovering your hobbies. So just like a lot of good momentum. But at the same time was feeling a little bit overwhelmed by that energy. You know, the sense of possibility is so seductive and also can be quite scary. You know, like, where do I begin? I had all these ideas for things that I could do. Did I want to be a designer? Did I want to be an illustrator? Did I want to be a writer? Like, what about this tech job I had just started, right? There was just a lot of stuff happening. And again, exciting, but also a lot of... a little bit overwhelming. And at the time, I was training to become a user researcher. So a user researcher, it's this lesser known role in the tech industry where essentially, our job is to advocate for the user, aka humans, people who use the actual products that these companies are building. And part of what we do in order to do that is we talk to a lot of people. So whatever your favorite email app is or social media, like There is somebody in that company who is. talking to people like you and trying to figure out like, what are your needs? How do you use this product? How does this fit into your routine? How does this fit into your day to day? And so you spend a lot of time with people, deeply understanding them. And then you get a bunch of data where you're like, okay, all these people think these things, now I have to make sense of it. And essentially, like this practice of really asking insightful questions, getting to the bottom of like, what are those answers, and then making sense of all this information, this data and pulling out. insights from that, I sort of took that practice, those set of best practices, and decided, well, instead of running a study on other people for these companies, what if I were to turn these techniques on myself and really use this as an opportunity to kind of check in and answer these deep questions for myself and see like, what would that look like? So that's essentially what I did. The life audit is deeply based in user research practices.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And I found it so inspiring that even though you were in a job at the time that you were like, I know this isn't the thing long term, that that role as a user researcher ended up leading you to at least part of your future vocation. For someone listening right now who's in a role where they're like, oh, this isn't for me. I don't want to do it. Obviously, they need to do a life audit. But like, what would be your advice for them on how to start to like discern what parts of that role they could possibly use in their future dream life?
Speaker #1
Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing is just to maybe look for ways to relieve some pressure of this idea that like, this should be it, like capital I, you know, like, this is the job and just approach it instead with a spirit of like curiosity and adventure of what if this is more like a garden and I can kind of like pick and choose, like, what do I like? What do I want to invest in? Like, where do I want to till the soil a little bit more? Right? Like, I think when you approach it from that space of play, and curiosity, then you can give yourself permission to take what you need at this moment in time from this specific role and then move on. And you kind of like, you're getting closer, right? I'm like a metaphor person. So now I'm thinking about sculpting, right? I'm like, you're getting closer with each job, right? You're like kind of like chipping away. Like you're finding like, what are the pieces that you really like? And it's also totally okay for that to be a phase of your life. Like, that's why I really liked that the life audit, like we are looking at your whole life. So whatever you learn about yourself is not something that you have to immediately like go topsy turvy, like change everything. You can. And that is totally cool if you do that. But also like we're talking about a longer span of time. And I think just reminding ourselves that, too, if you are someone in a position where you're like, OK, this job is not a forever job. Like what can you take from it for this season of your life?
Speaker #0
I love that. And I also love this part of your story that this book really grew from a blog post. That just shows me that sometimes like small things that we share, we think, oh, it's just a small thing, but it can really turn into something much bigger. And if something is resonant on your heart, it's always a good idea to share it. What lesson has that, like the growing of this blog post into this whole book taught you about creativity and sharing your work?
Speaker #1
For me, whenever I write something, I'm always thinking about, is this useful? Can this help someone? Generally, that is my personal sort of litmus test of, is this a diary entry or is this something that I should hit publish on? You know, if it's just me venting, maybe that's not that useful. But if it's something where I feel like I've kind of been able to crystallize some kind of lesson for myself, and I am pretty sure I am not the only person experiencing this. then that's usually when I will decide to share something. So it's always been about knowledge sharing for me. And that's just something that over the years I have, through experiences like the Life Audit, really come to see like that is one of my core values, like knowledge sharing, learning things and sharing and hopefully trying to help people. And so, yeah, I think you can connect with like, what is your core value for your creativity? Like what is something that is really important that is driving this work? And if it meets that personal bar. maybe you do want to share it and put it out in the world and see what happens. Because as you said, like if it's resonating with you, chances are you're not the only person who is going to either benefit from it or connect with it or feel emotionally moved by it. I mean, there's so many responses you can have to art and creativity.
Speaker #0
Totally. I mean, I love the idea that it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be in line with your core values and be of service in some way. That takes a lot of pressure off of being like your next masterpiece, which maybe it is. You don't know. but you won't know until you share it. And I think that this is like a perfect time to dive in a little bit more to the life audit. So we kind of have a general overview of what it is. How does it work in action?
Speaker #1
Essentially, we're going to use very few tools. These are like things that you could probably find at home or if not a quick trip to Staples, but you probably have Post-its at home, Sharpies at home, and you're just going to pull those out and carve out some time and space. So I usually recommend an hour for the first step. The first step is really generative. So we're essentially giving ourselves an hour to come up with a hundred wishes, a hundred things that you might want to do in your life, a hundred wishes, goals, desires. whatever you want to call them. You do not need to get to 100. You can do more than 100. Same with that hour of time. Like these are guidelines. In general, I think this is a good chunk of time for people. More probably will feel overwhelming. Even an hour might for some people feel overwhelming. Just guidelines. Like just see what happens. Usually what happens when you're brainstorming is you might have some, you know, that come right away. And then you might get to a point where you think, okay, I don't actually know. what I want, or maybe you can't even get started, you know, depends on the person. But this is really a chance to like release any sense of pressure of there being a right wish or goal or desire, release any expectations that others may have put on you, whether those are like family members or just cultural expectations, right? This is really a chance for you to go. I'm not going to listen to any of those voices. And I'm going to really try and channel like, what is it that I want? And we're talking like pie in the sky, big dreams, or like really little things. You know, it could be anything from one that always shows up on mine is like, I want to be more patient. Like that is something I will be wishing for my whole life because I am not a by nature very patient person. But it's something that I'm always thinking about. It could also be like, I want to start a podcast. Or it could be, you know, I want to take a knitting class. It could be anything. When we're brainstorming, we always talk about, you know, all ideas are good ideas. It doesn't matter, right? And the purpose of the post-it note is it's small, standard three by three inch. So we're not writing a paragraph. We're just getting at the like really core of like, what is this wish? It's not necessarily like. I'm going to go and like work at a farm in Tuscany and, you know, do this for six weeks and like, you know, two years and whatever. No, it's travel, right? Or like Italy, whatever it is, right? And the post-it note, you have that constraint and it's also, it's meant to feel light. Like you could throw it away afterwards. This is not precious. We are just brainstorming. So that's really the first phase, which is unearthing, reconnecting with ourselves and unearthing, trying to hear that inner voice and make space for it through these desires.
Speaker #0
I love that you recommend a post-it note because I've been taking a lot of classes lately and they have us journaling, which like love it. But like the questions are so in depth. And at the end of the journaling, I'm just like, I can't do it anymore. I just can't handle it. Like it's too much. I get too in my head. So the idea of like just simple things that go on a post-it note that you could throw away if you want is so empowering to me. I am curious because like as you were talking, I thought about it. A lot of people when like... you're starting out figuring out what you want in life they're like have you start with the why why was it important for you instead of starting with the why to start with the what
Speaker #1
I think sometimes we can get stuck on articulating the why like it's hard to articulate the why understanding people's motivations like that is the core of what a user researcher does people usually don't start there in a conversation they usually talk around the why maybe they're not even aware of the why And that is true for ourselves too, right? Like sometimes we have to journal our way through something to even find out like, why do we care about this thing? Or go to therapy or like amazing if you like have self-awareness and you like know those things off the bat. But for a lot of us, it takes some really deep thinking. And so I think the what is a way into the why, because in the next step, that's really when we start to like analyze what has come up. And that's where you kind of can work your way backwards and see, oh, this is so interesting. I have a lot of stuff around. friendship, community, meeting new people. Why might that be? Am I lonely? Oh my God, I'm lonely, right? So we get to the why, but I think it's an easier entry point to just go, okay, like, what are some things that I've always wanted? Or what are some things that could be fun for me to try, right? It relieves, again, some of that pressure, I think. Yeah,
Speaker #0
it's so much like, one is asking you, what is the purpose of your whole life? And the other one's just like, what are some things you'd really like to do? I never thought of it that way, but it is in a lot of ways easier to define what you want versus why you want.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Talk about the analog tools, though. I thought this was also really interesting because so much of our lives are lived on computer, online. You're very specific to say like. Don't do it that way. Why?
Speaker #1
Well, the analog tools, I mean, there's a couple of reasons for it. One, I think will be fairly straightforward, which is just distraction, right? The minute I go into a Google Doc and I start writing this stuff down, I'm online. Oh, there's a little notification happening, you know, or like, oh, I want to travel. Let me look up some places I want to travel and like really go down that rabbit hole. Two hours go by and somehow, you know, you haven't actually finished the exercise. So part of it is distraction. The other is what we were talking about earlier of like just that constraint of really forcing yourself to fit it on that post-it note. If you are doing something digitally, you've got all the space in the world. You can use as much data as you want, right? So this is a chance to just shut it all down, get a little quiet, which I think the internet and our devices are not really very good at facilitating that, and look inward. And again, keep it short, keep it pithy. Go with your gut. And also don't revise. Like don't self-edit. Because a lot of these digital tools are too advanced for what we want to do. Like we're just trying to get ideas out. We're not trying to edit. And I think there's a real temptation when you're using these tools to self-edit. And that kind of defeats the purpose of giving our inner voice space to say something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm just very conscious of the fact that you mostly use the word wish. to describe these desires. Tell me about the choosing of that word.
Speaker #1
A wish can be anything. It can be something huge. It can be something small. It can be, I want to be a bestselling author, or I want to be an award-winning playwright. I think those are the things that we feel more comfortable expressing as children, and then start to outgrow, and we start to get more practical, or a little more fearful, or we start to kind of... minimize those wishes, we turn them into like really small achievable goals or we don't even mention them at all. And there's a place for small achievable goals. Like that is definitely part of like how you get to those bigger wishes. But I think if we don't allow ourselves to get that big wish out there, we're sort of doing ourselves a disservice. So I do like to think of it as like, this is a wish. Like let's go there. Like let's see what happens.
Speaker #0
It feels so magical. And you also talk about the difference between a true wish and a should wish. How would one figure out the difference?
Speaker #1
This is something that I think for some people, you kind of have to get through the should wishes in order to get to the true wishes. Basically, I distinguish these as like a true wish is something that you really, truly want deep in your heart. It is what you want. Maybe you find it embarrassing to want that thing, but it's true and it's yours. A should wish. is something that you think you should want. For example, maybe you think you should want a family and you really are actually not interested in having a family. Or maybe you think you should be making six figures, but really that is not that important to you. What is more important to you is having like a small sustainable business, whatever it is, right? So these are usually the should wishes are usually informed by society, our parents. our culture, and it can take a little bit of peeling back to go, wait a minute, do I want that? Or do I think I should want that?
Speaker #0
Speaking of like should and even shame, that was like a recurring thought I had while reading your book, because like, there are things that I know that I want that have been on my list like every year, but I still haven't gone after them fully or haven't been able to achieve it. And I was like, pre-reading how I would feel as I'm like making these sticky notes and sticking them on my wall. And I can tell already that I'm going to struggle with the shame of like seeing the desire and knowing I haven't gotten there yet. You talk about self-compassion as an antidote for this. How do you recommend people cultivate self-compassion as they're doing this? Because it's easy to say like be self-compassionate, but like how do you actually do it?
Speaker #1
Well, I like to think of the life audit. So like all these wishes that you have out there, some of which, as you say, like maybe, you know, oh man, this has been something I've been thinking about for a while. You know, I repeat my life audit. I do it usually around the new year. I like a little refresh or around my birthday. There are definitely things on my life audit that I see over and over again. I really like to think of the life audit as a snapshot in time. So this is a picture of what you're interested in now. Some things will have changed. Some things will have stayed the same. It is not a progress report. You are not getting a grade.
Speaker #0
That's good. Thank God.
Speaker #1
It's like a self-portrait, right? It's like this is a reflection of who you are right now and the things that are important to you. And if there are things that have been important to you for a while and you haven't, gone after them, there's probably a really good reason for that. Like, for example, maybe you don't have the skill set yet. Maybe you don't have the time. Maybe you don't have the resources. Maybe you have deliberately not prioritized it. Maybe you have subconsciously deprioritized it. And so I always like to think of the life audit as, you know, it's a reflection of your wishes. It doesn't always. show you what you have done, which is why I say it's not a progress report, right? Because this is what you want to do. Probably whatever that wish is, right? Where you say, oh my gosh, I've been thinking about this for years. Probably there's a very good reason for why you haven't done it. Maybe a lot of reasons, which is you've been too busy, you know, doing X, Y, Z, other things, right? Like for, I'll give you an example. Like one of mine for ages had been to start a podcast, probably like 10 years. And I was like, man, this one is really plaguing me. But then I thought about it and I was like, okay, well, what have you been focusing on? Oh, you've been writing. You've been cranking out books. Like that is where your attention has been. And only this year, 10 years after this originally showed up on my life audit, did I start to experiment. And I did this little audio series for my last book. And it was a great little experiment. I got what I needed out of it. Will it show up on next year's? I don't think so. And that's okay. You know, so I always like to think of this as an opportunity to see what's coming up for yourself, approach it with curiosity. Like, why is that here? Or maybe even like, why is something missing that I thought was going to be there? And also remind ourselves that there are plenty of things that you're working on that don't show up because you're actively working on them. And so they don't need to show up as a wish. You have to zoom out to really remember. the whole picture. And I think that's where some of the self-compassion comes from of, okay, what decisions did I make given, you know, what I knew at the time and what, what I decided to prioritize and the direction that I was going in. And now what do I want to do about it?
Speaker #0
I know when we're being self-critical, it's usually because we're looking at just like the one microscopic piece of the whole pie. And that's such a great point to look at the whole picture. We talked a little bit about this, but. How do you, once you get everything out, you've grouped all your wishes under themes, how do you then define your core values?
Speaker #1
Yeah. So I usually, I look at, you know, when we're grouping things into themes, this is a very organic practice where we're looking at, you know, oh, I seem to have a lot of things under the heading of community or creativity or business, right? We're coming up with these themes. And then there might be some that feel like, well, this doesn't really fit into. any of those, but it's something important. It's something I want to carry with me every day. So for example, one of mine, to be patient, we talked about like, it is not tied to a specific set of actions or activities even. It's just something that I want to hold within me. And there's probably going to be various of those scattered through. And so I look at those and those are usually the ones that I pull out. And then I really look at them and think, okay, this sort of like floating feeling, oh wait, that might... be a reflection of something that I find deeply valuable. And usually that's how I pull out the core values of, oh, I am someone who it's really important for me to be generous or to be a mentor. I have a niece and nephew and they're like going through these pivotal moments, like, you know, applying to college and like changing schools and things like that. Like, so they showed up on my audit this year is like, I really want to lean into that relationship, right? I can kind of zoom out and go, oh, my core values have to do with. my family and like really bringing, again, that sense of knowledge sharing, which we talked about in terms of writing, but now bringing it to my family. So it's usually looking for these little kind of like, what are things that I could do every day as opposed to a project or core values?
Speaker #0
Right. And oh my gosh, I love the part about auditing people in your life and the different types of people, supporters, passives, detractors, and gems. Would you share a little bit about that? and like why that's such an important part of this process.
Speaker #1
Yes. So when we look at our life audit, hopefully at some point we look at it and we go, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Like, look at all the things that I could be doing. And eventually you're also going to prioritize those and decide, okay, what are a handful of things that I want to tackle right now? Because again, our canvas is really our whole life. So we don't have to, you know, go into overdrive trying to do everything at once. One of the things that is going to allow us to pursue these dreams is the people in our lives. And so I think it's useful to not only audit what do we want out of this life, but also how we're spending our time, which is another thing I talk about, and who we're spending our time with. So this is an opportunity to basically make a list of the people in your life who you spend the most time with, and then sort of categorize, sort them into groups where we're looking at people who are kind of there for the ride. They're not taking anything from us. They're not necessarily like pushing us forward in any way. They're just kind of there. There's a lot of people that fit into that category. People who are gems, I think are the most exciting, which is like, this is the... The people who are inspiring, are motivating. You know, you go and you get coffee with this friend and you leave and you're just like so jazzed and energized, you know, or you feel more like yourself. You feel more capable. Those kinds of friendships are so, so important. What we usually notice, and this is, again, not something to judge yourself for because I think this is very common. What most people will notice when they do this kind of relationship audit is that they don't spend as much time with those gems as they would like. There's a lot of passives. Hopefully there aren't too many detractors, meaning the people who are actively kind of like, you know, that one coworker or client or whomever in your life who brings you down, or maybe even a family member. Like everybody has somebody in their life who kind of like energetically takes a lot from them without boosting them up. So hopefully you don't have too many of those. But usually what you'll see is there's an imbalance of some kind. So maybe your list of gems is shorter than you want it to be. Or maybe it's a great list, but you just are not actually reaching out to those people very much. Again, it's an opportunity to step back and go, OK, why might this be? OK, maybe all of my gems are new moms, so I'm not seeing them, right? Or maybe I have just been in hibernation, working on this creative project, and I have totally neglected that group of people. But the point is to just take it as a snapshot in time, look at it, reflect, and then decide. What do I want to do about that? Maybe I need to make more of an effort or maybe I don't have enough gems and I want to put myself in environments where I can meet more people who fit that category for me.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just loved it so much. And it was like a wake up call as I was thinking about the top people I hang out with and also building community because that's something I've been thinking about a lot in my life. I think you mentioned you've been doing it since post COVID and like intentionally trying to build that. And it's clear throughout the book how deeply important having some sort of community is to achieving these wishes. If you're somebody who struggles with like reaching out to people or asking for help or just even like telling somebody what your dream is, how can you begin?
Speaker #1
That's a good question. I think community can come in many different forms. If you're extroverted, like signing up for meetup. Sounds great, right? Or, you know, you're like, okay, like, let me like try this new thing. If you're more introverted, maybe that sounds a little more difficult. But it doesn't have to be going to the conference or, you know, going to the big meetup. It can be signing up for, let's say, a one hour workshop making holiday cards in your neighborhood. Like it can be, it can be even smaller than that. It can be like trying to become a regular at your local coffee shop.
Speaker #0
Ooh, that sounds like a great goal.
Speaker #1
Right. Like basically what I'm saying is like it can happen at different scales. And some people will say like even that feels like too much. And I think that's where an online community can come into play, where you can still be, quote unquote, around like surrounded by people and slowly, you know, lurk and then eventually kind of make some moves and, you know, like drop a comment and build community that way. Like there really are. There's so many ways to do this, depending on what you're comfortable with. But yeah, it doesn't have to be like. the thousand person conference. It can happen at a really micro scale. And I think it also depends on what your goals are. So if a local community is important, then maybe that coffee shop really is the most important thing you can do. Or maybe it's getting to know your local librarian. Like, again, it depends on what you're hoping to achieve, who you're trying to connect with. The only thing I will add to that is that sometimes when we get to this point, we might have like someone specific in mind, you know, kind of like,
Speaker #0
I'm going to use the word sexy, like somebody who's like kind of like seductive in some way to us. Like, ooh, if I'm thinking about building an author community, that author looks so cool. Like, you know, they've done so much. I think they're in my, you know, city. Like maybe I should do a blind reach out. That's totally cool. Like I'm certainly not discouraging that. But what I am saying is there's a hell of a lot more people beyond the sort of like. the golden, you know, like shiny, shiniest influencer out there or whatever, or the person that you aspire to. So it doesn't always have to be someone that you aspire to. It can be somebody who's at your level or like more of a peer, because I think we get so much out of peer mentorship as well. So I just like to think about like, how do you do this at different scales and looking for people at various levels, not just the sort of like person you want to be in 10 years.
Speaker #1
Totally. Such a good note. Like for you, when you have a wish that you know somebody that you know who's in your community could help you achieve, how do you go about reaching out to tell them the goal and potentially to ask them for help?
Speaker #0
It depends on what kind of relationship is already in place. You know, if there's trust there that has been built up, then it's obviously a lot easier where you can confide in someone and say, I'm thinking about this kind of crazy project. Like, I think I want to do this. What do you think? And that's kind of the best case scenario is when you have that longstanding relationship and you can be open and vulnerable and just also excited. I have people in my life who I don't think twice about telling them my ambitions because I know they want to hear about it and I want to hear about theirs. That relationship is it's really core to both of our growth as creatives, as people. And then I think in other places, like there have been times where I have really strategically sought out an opportunity and said, like, I'm going to apply for that writer's retreat to meet that one person, you know, in the hopes that we build a friendship over time. And maybe along the way, you know, you do that kind of thing and you meet other people and like they surprise you. And that's like the I think the really beautiful thing about this is like if you put yourself out there, whatever that means to you, something good is going to come of it. It might not be the exact thing that you were. anticipating or like the storyline that you had in your head, but like something good is going to come out of it if you just start to make those steps and kind of open things up a little.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think the other thing is that I've been trying to really share with my listeners and with myself, frankly, is like, don't say no to yourself. Like the world might do it. It's probably going to a bunch, but like you shouldn't be shutting the door on your own desire. And that's what I love about this practice in general. Is it's really you saying yes to yourself?
Speaker #0
I think not being afraid of being a beginner is really important. Because sometimes we say no to ourselves because we think, well, I can't do that. I can't do this at my stage of my career. I can't change careers. I can't take on this creative project that's way too ambitious. And so part of saying yes to yourself, as you're saying, is embracing being a beginner, is embracing not knowing anyone. in the industry that you're trying to, you know, make strides in or not knowing how to do the thing. Or even if you know a little bit, like, take the class anyway, like, this is my third book. I just took a writing class last year, because I wanted to meet writers. And I learned stuff, you know, it's like, you're never too experienced to learn more. And so I think that beginner mindset can also help you say yes to more things.
Speaker #1
So true, because I look back at when I I'm also musician outside of this. And when I started my music career, Still to this day, that first year was one of my most successful years in music because I didn't know how hard it actually was. And so I just was like asking for crazy things. And it's weird because my skill now as a musician is so much greater than that. But it didn't matter because I had the gutsiness and the audacity just to ask and to wish. And so if we can borrow that. I mean, and part of it was my brain wasn't fully developed, which, you know, sometimes I wish I could go back.
Speaker #0
Sometimes works in your favor. Yeah.
Speaker #1
But, you know, if we can borrow that early 20-something boldness that we may have had and bring it to whatever age we're at now, it can really help. And I think this method of just getting out whatever your first impulse is that's your desire is helpful. Hey, Creative Cutie. Are you looking to launch a new project or product in the new year? Then I have the workshop for you. On Saturday, January 11th at 11 a.m. Pacific until 1 p.m. Pacific, I am going to be hosting a workshop called Kickstart Your Creative Project in 2025. This workshop will be held via Zoom, so it's completely virtual and you can attend from anywhere in the world. This workshop is going to be amazing because it will address practical, spiritual, and emotional factors that inhibit us from sharing our work. and help you finally put yourself and your work out into the world. We'll do exercises to help you heal your younger self that's maybe creatively wounded, release self-doubt, and find a practical action plan to move forward toward your goal. The first hour of the workshop will be me teaching, followed by an hour of live coaching. The total cost is $40, but if you enroll by Thursday, January 2nd, you will get $10 off with the code KICKSTART, making it just $30 for this transformative workshop. This is my offering to the community. We need creative solutions to the world's problems, and I truly believe your work is part of that. Sign up at the link in the show notes or at LaurenLagrasso.com and click on workshops. Again, you can use code kickstart for $10 off at checkout. And you mentioned to define when to focus on wishes. You say always, soon, someday. Why is this step important?
Speaker #0
So this step is super important because if we don't do it, then we just have a bunch of wishes. categorized into themes where we go, oh, it looks like I want to do some stuff around adventure and travel or some stuff around creativity or whatever family. And then that's it. There's no action. That's all insight, but no action. So really this step is about figuring out when we want to tackle things and it's helping us prioritize. Because if we leave it just in this phase of information and even insight, It can be very easy to get overwhelmed because you have all these wishes and you see all the things that you want to do. So this is our chance to decide where we start. So I like to think about it in terms of being on a spectrum of when. So again, we have our whole lives. This is not something you have to do in two weeks, six months, even a year. But it is a chance for us now to start to look at things and say, OK, what are the things that I want to carry with me every day? That's that always category. For me, those are core values. That's the like expressing generosity as much as I can. It's learning to be patient. It's all of those things that I really want to do every day. And then we're going to go into another category, which is, okay, what are things that I want to do someday? I don't know when at some point in my life. And those probably have a much longer time span. And then there's a phase in between, which is what do I want to do pretty soon? So that could be in the next, let's say, six months, 12 months. So you're kind of. figuring out what I want to do every day, what I want to do in the next six to 12 months near term, and essentially what do I want to do someday long term. And there should be a good mix of wishes. There should be things that you see that are really easy for you to say like, okay, yeah, that is definitely a someday wish. For me, podcasting was a someday wish for nine years. It wasn't until the 10th year where I was like, no, no, okay, we're going to move this into soon. Right? And again, it gives you a little bit of flexibility, lets you play around and see, oh, wow, I put 20 wishes into soon. Does that feel realistic? Maybe not. Maybe I only want to put five into that soon category and let these other things breathe and return to them when the time is right. Because I do think so much of like creative pursuits in particular has to do with timing, not just like timing, like are the right resources in place, but also energetically, like is this a project that's calling to me? So really giving yourself the space to go. okay, I acknowledge, I'm aware that I have this wish for myself in this way, but this is not the time for me to write a novel. Like where the heat is, where I feel the heat is like in this other area and just embracing that.
Speaker #1
And you know, as you were talking about your podcasting wish, I kind of wondered, it's something I've been thinking about a lot with the things that I haven't pursued or that have been recurring on my list. Like, is there some part of you that has some sort of deep inner knowledge or wisdom that maybe that's not the full thing. And correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you tried it and it was like, wow, like writing is still filling me up more. Doing a weekly podcast is a slog. I'm happy I got this experience, but now I can move on. Like, do you think there's some truth to that? That like some deeper part of our wisdom knows like it's not for us or not in that way?
Speaker #0
I think so. And I think, you know, I think it can reflect a few things. I think it can reflect, I'm not ready. I'm not willing to do the work. I am afraid. I don't find it fun, right? Like these are all things that it can, it can reflect. Again, I sort of look at all of these, just I try and bring a spirit of curiosity of like, what might this be telling me? Because It is my voice. It is coming from me. Each of these wishes is coming from me and the way I sort them is coming from me and the way I prioritize them is coming from me. So what is that message? What is it trying to tell me? And yeah, I think sometimes you need to send yourself the same message several years in a row before you figure it out. And that's okay too. You know, again, like we have, hopefully we are all living like long and fulfilling lives and this is really just a tool for us to... Make sure that we're doing that. Yeah.
Speaker #1
And you mentioned prioritizing. In the book, you say to prioritize your top five wishes. Why your top five? And how do you recommend somebody goes about doing that?
Speaker #0
Top five, because more than five is usually overwhelming and difficult to make a plan of action that we feel like we can really follow through on. Even five, we may realize halfway through the year, actually, there's only three things that I want to focus on. Or actually, these two wishes themselves have to multiply because of the number of steps it requires. And they are so big that, you know, I need to deprioritize these other things. So five, again, is just it's a guideline. I usually suggest capping it there just for bandwidth purposes.
Speaker #1
If somebody is having a hard time figuring it out, it's like, oh, my God, but this one and that one. And how do you recommend they kind of come back to center and figure out what are my actual top five?
Speaker #0
I think you can do this in a few ways. And this sort of depends on your personality. You can do this in a very rational thinking kind of way where you look and you say, okay, you know, let's say you have 10 that you really want to work on. You're trying to narrow it down to five. You can look at things like what kind of resources do I have in place? What kind of skill set do I have? What kind of expertise or talents? Like you can look at in terms of basically tools already in your toolbox and what's going to allow you to accomplish these things. You can look at it. emotionally and go, okay, like what is going to make me happiest? Or if you're particularly bold, what am I most afraid of? And use that as a way to move forward. So you can really take a bunch of different lenses that I outlined in the book, whether you're sort of more like rational thinking or more emotionally driven to figure out what those pieces are that you really truly want to prioritize.
Speaker #1
I love what you said about fear. Like that feels pretty resonant to me. One of the other promises of the podcast is to give people tools to take fear out of the driver's seat. So maybe it's going to be there, but not letting it make choices for us. How do you personally work on that in your own life?
Speaker #0
That's a great question. When I'm looking at all of these wishes, I am thinking about fear. I am thinking about, like, we can go back to the podcast example. Like, did I sit on it for almost 10 years because I was afraid of something? Or did I sit on it because I just wasn't excited enough about it? I think in my case it was the latter, but there have definitely been things where you can look back and go, oh, you really dragged your feet on doing that thing. You were scared. I like to think about if something keeps kind of like tapping at my door, like why is that? And it's not always fear, but a lot of times it is. It's the line item on your to-do list that like never gets checked off, right? That you like constantly procrastinate on. Why is that? Do you just hate doing that thing? Or is there some element of fear? But yeah, I mean, I think with all of this, it's all information. It does not mean that you need to tackle it right away. It doesn't mean that you need to go bury your head in the sand. It doesn't mean that you need to judge yourself and call yourself a scaredy cat or, you know, berate yourself for not having done things. This is just information about who you are and what is important to you now. And maybe you decide that you want to do something about that fear. Maybe you decide you want to note it, clock it, say, hey, focus on something else. That's totally fine, too. Yeah,
Speaker #1
such great advice. And you talked about the negative voices in your head. There's also sometimes negative voices outside your head from other people. This is something I was so happy you touched upon in the book, because I really do think the opinions or even the perceived opinions of others is what keeps us stuck in the mud and unable to move toward goals. What is your advice to someone listening who feels very consumed by the potential or real negative voices of others about their wishes?
Speaker #0
I guess first I would say, like, think about who you want to share your wishes with, who deserves to know your wishes. Like, if there is someone in your life who is generally a Debbie Downer or, like, someone who is not in your corner, even if it's a family member, like, this is for you. And you get to decide what you want to do with this. You can let people in and you don't have to either. You can be strategic about who you share these things with. So part of it is like you can be protective of your wishes. And then the other is, I think. Checking that voice and saying, okay, that is good advice for them. Is it good advice for me? Or that opinion resonates with them. Does it resonate with me? Like, what is mine here and what is theirs? And I think distinguishing that is really helpful. And the life audit can be very grounding in that way because you can say, wait a minute, like, this is like not my baggage. This is that person's baggage. This is what they want in their life that they're maybe projecting onto me. You know, I think you see this a lot generationally, right? Like where parents have a certain expectation and then you step back and you go, oh, wait a minute. Maybe this is something that you wanted for your life. And so it's really important that I have it, but it's not my wish. I think, yeah, being protective, being strategic about who you share these things with and also just recognizing like people have their own baggage and that doesn't need to be yours. Like you don't need to take that on. You can kind of see it and go, okay. That's for you. It's not for me.
Speaker #1
Love that. Release what's not yours. And I spoke about this in the beginning when I was introing you, but I just find this to be one of the most brilliant tools for self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge. Why is a life audit such a great entryway to building up these things in our lives?
Speaker #0
I think most of us don't take the time to get to know ourselves. This is like the body that we live with, you know, the mind that we have. And a lot of us are kind of like, my body is just a thing that sleeps and eats. And, you know, I just sit down, you know, or like my mind is a thing that's constantly running. Isn't that annoying? We sort of don't often stop and actually think about ourselves and what we need or what we want. Again, I think this is something that we tend to be more connected to when we're children and sort of we start to lose as we get older. There are a lot of practices that can help you reconnect with that voice, you know, things like journaling, you know, other forms of creative expression. I think the life audit is a really useful tool to get that snapshot of like, okay, current me, present me, what you got, right? Like, what do you want? Like, what does your heart desire? And then the more that you learn about yourself, the easier I think it can be to walk through this world and, you know. have a fulfilling life. I'm not saying that because you do your life audit, like everything will be easy peasy. Like if only, like this isn't a genie in a bottle situation, but the more you know about yourself, the more you can, again, decide like what's for me, what's not for me. And what are the steps that I need to take in order to like fill that well, you know, to make my heart sing. So I think we all have those things. It just can be easy to forget when you're kind of just. going through the to-do list or, you know, checking off the education box or the job box or whatever, whatever that is for you. It's really an opportunity to slow down and get to know yourself again.
Speaker #1
So true. And I have to say, having read, I actually listened to the book, by the way, highly recommend the audio book. It's so great. But having like read and listened to the book, I think that this is probably, and I'm not being hyperbolic, one of the most doable tools I've ever been given. by somebody. So I highly recommend like this podcast is such a great entryway into your work. But for you listening, get the book, especially if you like already like listening to audio, the audio book is great. You can listen, pause, then do the thing, then press play and come back because this will give you the general overview. But then that goes into all the details and there's so much more in there. And I'm just really grateful. Like one of my deepest desires in life, why I started this podcast is I believe. Repressed creativity is the cause of a lot of the world's suffering and that everybody is creative, but many, maybe most people are out there pushing down these lives inside of themselves. And I'm so grateful that you've created a tool to help people remember their inherent creativity, claim it and go after it. So thank you so much for being here and for what you do in the world.
Speaker #0
Thank you. This was really a pleasure.
Speaker #1
Thank you for listening and thanks to my guest, Ximena Vincochea. For more info on Ximena, follow her at XSVincochea and visit her website XimenaVincochea.com. You can find her books, including the Life Audit Journal, which will be released in February, wherever good books are found. Unleash Your Inner Creative is hosted and executive produced by me, Lauren LaGrasso, produced by Rachel Fulton, with theme music by Liz Fole. Thank you so much for listening, my creative cutie. If you like what you heard today, Remember to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Share the show with a friend and post about it on social media. Tag me at Lauren LaGrasso and at Unleash Your Inner Creative, and I will repost to share my gratitude. Also tag Ximena so she can share as well. My wish for you this week is that you embrace your true desires with courage and clarity. May you find the inspiration and tools to take those first steps toward a more fulfilling and creatively rich life. I love you and I believe in you. Talk with you next week.

About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

Unleash Your Inner Creative is a Webby Award-winning podcast designed to help you break free from self-doubt, embrace your creativity, and live an authentic, purpose-filled life. I’m Lauren LoGrasso, a multi-passionate creative, and I believe that repressed creativity is one of the root causes of unhappiness—which is why I’m here to help you unleash yours! Through a blend of inspiring interviews, solo episodes, and coaching sessions, this show explores creativity, mental health, spirituality, and self-development.

On the pod, you'll hear from incredible guests like The Artist’s Way author Julia Cameron, How I Built This host Guy Raz, brain coach Jim Kwik, and Codependent No More's Melody Beattie, as well as artists and performers like Chrisette Michele and Hannah Berner. Together, we share the tools and insights to help you rewire your mindset, overcome fear, and follow your heart’s deepest desires. Whether you’re a lifelong creative or just feeling a spark, I invite you to tune in, tap into your true potential, and unleash your inner creative!

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Description

✨ From this episode, you’ll learn:

-How to conduct a life audit to uncover your true goals and wishes

-The difference between true wishes and should wishes (and why it matters)

-Why identifying core values helps you align your actions with your authentic self

-Why analog tools are necessary to make your wishes come true & which are best to use

-How to prioritize your wishes by categories and make timelines to go after them

🎧 Tune in now and get ready to reconnect with your truest desires!

More on Ximena

Follow the show: @unleashyourinnercreative

Follow me: @LaurenLoGrasso

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Transcription

Speaker #0
Do you feel fulfilled? Do you have a lot of dreams and goals but feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure of where to start? Then I'm really glad you're here. Today's guests will share an actionable way to reconnect with your deepest desires and give you the tools you need to actually achieve them. Happy New Year, my love, and welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I'm a Webby Award-winning podcast host and producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. This show sits at the intersection of mental health, self-development, and spirituality, and it is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your right to creativity and pursue whatever it is that's on your heart. Kicking off 2025 is Ximena Vinquechea. She is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator known for her books on personal growth and well-being. Ximena's writing has appeared in places like Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Forbes, and Fast Company. Her latest work, The Life Audit, a step-by-step guide to discovering your goals and building the life you want, is an amazing resource for getting what you want out of life and what we'll be discussing here today. I wanted to have Ximena on because she offers a practical yet deeply enriching approach to self-discovery and creativity. Her concept of a life audit isn't just about getting organized or something like that. It's actually about reconnecting with your truest desires, assessing where you are. and figuring out where you want to go. I believe her insights will be instrumental in helping you navigate your creative journey in 2025, just as they have been for me. From today's chat, you'll learn how to conduct a life audit, why identifying core values is so deeply important, the necessity of distinguishing between true wishes and should wishes, how to use post-it notes for effective brainstorming, and much more. Okay, now here she is, Ximena Venkochea. Ximena, I am so excited to have you on Unleash Your Inner Creative, this book that you've written, The Life Audit. To me, it's like manifestation for the very practical person or skeptic along with the woo-woo lovers out there, like no human is left behind. And I also see it as a powerful tool to build self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge, which is the promise of this show. So thank you for being on the podcast.
Speaker #1
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker #0
Oh my gosh, my pleasure. So I guess like let's start with the basics. What is a life audit?
Speaker #1
Yes. So a life audit, I like to think of it as spring cleaning for the soul. So this is really a system to help you figure out what you want out of this one true beautiful life. It is an opportunity to dig deep and unearth some of those hidden desires that we might have, or maybe some wishes that we let go or were told maybe not to pursue. It's really an opportunity to... reconnect with ourselves and figure out what do we want out of this life? And then how can we start to begin to chart a path forward?
Speaker #0
And this idea came to you from a very personal moment. You literally were doing a life audit on your own life. You found yourself in a moment where you weren't completely happy with what was going down and you realized you needed some changes. Can you take me through how you discovered the life audit and how it affected your life?
Speaker #1
Yes. So this was about 10 years ago. I had just moved from New York to San Francisco. I was starting what felt like a really promising new career, but had kind of taken that first baby step where, you know, you take the entry level position and you know, well, this is not quite right. But I think I'm I think I'm heading in the right direction, but it's not quite right as a fit. And at the same time, I had a lot of this great energy that you have when you move to a new place where you're like. you're dating, you're trying things, you're kind of like rediscovering your hobbies. So just like a lot of good momentum. But at the same time was feeling a little bit overwhelmed by that energy. You know, the sense of possibility is so seductive and also can be quite scary. You know, like, where do I begin? I had all these ideas for things that I could do. Did I want to be a designer? Did I want to be an illustrator? Did I want to be a writer? Like, what about this tech job I had just started, right? There was just a lot of stuff happening. And again, exciting, but also a lot of... a little bit overwhelming. And at the time, I was training to become a user researcher. So a user researcher, it's this lesser known role in the tech industry where essentially, our job is to advocate for the user, aka humans, people who use the actual products that these companies are building. And part of what we do in order to do that is we talk to a lot of people. So whatever your favorite email app is or social media, like There is somebody in that company who is. talking to people like you and trying to figure out like, what are your needs? How do you use this product? How does this fit into your routine? How does this fit into your day to day? And so you spend a lot of time with people, deeply understanding them. And then you get a bunch of data where you're like, okay, all these people think these things, now I have to make sense of it. And essentially, like this practice of really asking insightful questions, getting to the bottom of like, what are those answers, and then making sense of all this information, this data and pulling out. insights from that, I sort of took that practice, those set of best practices, and decided, well, instead of running a study on other people for these companies, what if I were to turn these techniques on myself and really use this as an opportunity to kind of check in and answer these deep questions for myself and see like, what would that look like? So that's essentially what I did. The life audit is deeply based in user research practices.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And I found it so inspiring that even though you were in a job at the time that you were like, I know this isn't the thing long term, that that role as a user researcher ended up leading you to at least part of your future vocation. For someone listening right now who's in a role where they're like, oh, this isn't for me. I don't want to do it. Obviously, they need to do a life audit. But like, what would be your advice for them on how to start to like discern what parts of that role they could possibly use in their future dream life?
Speaker #1
Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing is just to maybe look for ways to relieve some pressure of this idea that like, this should be it, like capital I, you know, like, this is the job and just approach it instead with a spirit of like curiosity and adventure of what if this is more like a garden and I can kind of like pick and choose, like, what do I like? What do I want to invest in? Like, where do I want to till the soil a little bit more? Right? Like, I think when you approach it from that space of play, and curiosity, then you can give yourself permission to take what you need at this moment in time from this specific role and then move on. And you kind of like, you're getting closer, right? I'm like a metaphor person. So now I'm thinking about sculpting, right? I'm like, you're getting closer with each job, right? You're like kind of like chipping away. Like you're finding like, what are the pieces that you really like? And it's also totally okay for that to be a phase of your life. Like, that's why I really liked that the life audit, like we are looking at your whole life. So whatever you learn about yourself is not something that you have to immediately like go topsy turvy, like change everything. You can. And that is totally cool if you do that. But also like we're talking about a longer span of time. And I think just reminding ourselves that, too, if you are someone in a position where you're like, OK, this job is not a forever job. Like what can you take from it for this season of your life?
Speaker #0
I love that. And I also love this part of your story that this book really grew from a blog post. That just shows me that sometimes like small things that we share, we think, oh, it's just a small thing, but it can really turn into something much bigger. And if something is resonant on your heart, it's always a good idea to share it. What lesson has that, like the growing of this blog post into this whole book taught you about creativity and sharing your work?
Speaker #1
For me, whenever I write something, I'm always thinking about, is this useful? Can this help someone? Generally, that is my personal sort of litmus test of, is this a diary entry or is this something that I should hit publish on? You know, if it's just me venting, maybe that's not that useful. But if it's something where I feel like I've kind of been able to crystallize some kind of lesson for myself, and I am pretty sure I am not the only person experiencing this. then that's usually when I will decide to share something. So it's always been about knowledge sharing for me. And that's just something that over the years I have, through experiences like the Life Audit, really come to see like that is one of my core values, like knowledge sharing, learning things and sharing and hopefully trying to help people. And so, yeah, I think you can connect with like, what is your core value for your creativity? Like what is something that is really important that is driving this work? And if it meets that personal bar. maybe you do want to share it and put it out in the world and see what happens. Because as you said, like if it's resonating with you, chances are you're not the only person who is going to either benefit from it or connect with it or feel emotionally moved by it. I mean, there's so many responses you can have to art and creativity.
Speaker #0
Totally. I mean, I love the idea that it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be in line with your core values and be of service in some way. That takes a lot of pressure off of being like your next masterpiece, which maybe it is. You don't know. but you won't know until you share it. And I think that this is like a perfect time to dive in a little bit more to the life audit. So we kind of have a general overview of what it is. How does it work in action?
Speaker #1
Essentially, we're going to use very few tools. These are like things that you could probably find at home or if not a quick trip to Staples, but you probably have Post-its at home, Sharpies at home, and you're just going to pull those out and carve out some time and space. So I usually recommend an hour for the first step. The first step is really generative. So we're essentially giving ourselves an hour to come up with a hundred wishes, a hundred things that you might want to do in your life, a hundred wishes, goals, desires. whatever you want to call them. You do not need to get to 100. You can do more than 100. Same with that hour of time. Like these are guidelines. In general, I think this is a good chunk of time for people. More probably will feel overwhelming. Even an hour might for some people feel overwhelming. Just guidelines. Like just see what happens. Usually what happens when you're brainstorming is you might have some, you know, that come right away. And then you might get to a point where you think, okay, I don't actually know. what I want, or maybe you can't even get started, you know, depends on the person. But this is really a chance to like release any sense of pressure of there being a right wish or goal or desire, release any expectations that others may have put on you, whether those are like family members or just cultural expectations, right? This is really a chance for you to go. I'm not going to listen to any of those voices. And I'm going to really try and channel like, what is it that I want? And we're talking like pie in the sky, big dreams, or like really little things. You know, it could be anything from one that always shows up on mine is like, I want to be more patient. Like that is something I will be wishing for my whole life because I am not a by nature very patient person. But it's something that I'm always thinking about. It could also be like, I want to start a podcast. Or it could be, you know, I want to take a knitting class. It could be anything. When we're brainstorming, we always talk about, you know, all ideas are good ideas. It doesn't matter, right? And the purpose of the post-it note is it's small, standard three by three inch. So we're not writing a paragraph. We're just getting at the like really core of like, what is this wish? It's not necessarily like. I'm going to go and like work at a farm in Tuscany and, you know, do this for six weeks and like, you know, two years and whatever. No, it's travel, right? Or like Italy, whatever it is, right? And the post-it note, you have that constraint and it's also, it's meant to feel light. Like you could throw it away afterwards. This is not precious. We are just brainstorming. So that's really the first phase, which is unearthing, reconnecting with ourselves and unearthing, trying to hear that inner voice and make space for it through these desires.
Speaker #0
I love that you recommend a post-it note because I've been taking a lot of classes lately and they have us journaling, which like love it. But like the questions are so in depth. And at the end of the journaling, I'm just like, I can't do it anymore. I just can't handle it. Like it's too much. I get too in my head. So the idea of like just simple things that go on a post-it note that you could throw away if you want is so empowering to me. I am curious because like as you were talking, I thought about it. A lot of people when like... you're starting out figuring out what you want in life they're like have you start with the why why was it important for you instead of starting with the why to start with the what
Speaker #1
I think sometimes we can get stuck on articulating the why like it's hard to articulate the why understanding people's motivations like that is the core of what a user researcher does people usually don't start there in a conversation they usually talk around the why maybe they're not even aware of the why And that is true for ourselves too, right? Like sometimes we have to journal our way through something to even find out like, why do we care about this thing? Or go to therapy or like amazing if you like have self-awareness and you like know those things off the bat. But for a lot of us, it takes some really deep thinking. And so I think the what is a way into the why, because in the next step, that's really when we start to like analyze what has come up. And that's where you kind of can work your way backwards and see, oh, this is so interesting. I have a lot of stuff around. friendship, community, meeting new people. Why might that be? Am I lonely? Oh my God, I'm lonely, right? So we get to the why, but I think it's an easier entry point to just go, okay, like, what are some things that I've always wanted? Or what are some things that could be fun for me to try, right? It relieves, again, some of that pressure, I think. Yeah,
Speaker #0
it's so much like, one is asking you, what is the purpose of your whole life? And the other one's just like, what are some things you'd really like to do? I never thought of it that way, but it is in a lot of ways easier to define what you want versus why you want.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Talk about the analog tools, though. I thought this was also really interesting because so much of our lives are lived on computer, online. You're very specific to say like. Don't do it that way. Why?
Speaker #1
Well, the analog tools, I mean, there's a couple of reasons for it. One, I think will be fairly straightforward, which is just distraction, right? The minute I go into a Google Doc and I start writing this stuff down, I'm online. Oh, there's a little notification happening, you know, or like, oh, I want to travel. Let me look up some places I want to travel and like really go down that rabbit hole. Two hours go by and somehow, you know, you haven't actually finished the exercise. So part of it is distraction. The other is what we were talking about earlier of like just that constraint of really forcing yourself to fit it on that post-it note. If you are doing something digitally, you've got all the space in the world. You can use as much data as you want, right? So this is a chance to just shut it all down, get a little quiet, which I think the internet and our devices are not really very good at facilitating that, and look inward. And again, keep it short, keep it pithy. Go with your gut. And also don't revise. Like don't self-edit. Because a lot of these digital tools are too advanced for what we want to do. Like we're just trying to get ideas out. We're not trying to edit. And I think there's a real temptation when you're using these tools to self-edit. And that kind of defeats the purpose of giving our inner voice space to say something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm just very conscious of the fact that you mostly use the word wish. to describe these desires. Tell me about the choosing of that word.
Speaker #1
A wish can be anything. It can be something huge. It can be something small. It can be, I want to be a bestselling author, or I want to be an award-winning playwright. I think those are the things that we feel more comfortable expressing as children, and then start to outgrow, and we start to get more practical, or a little more fearful, or we start to kind of... minimize those wishes, we turn them into like really small achievable goals or we don't even mention them at all. And there's a place for small achievable goals. Like that is definitely part of like how you get to those bigger wishes. But I think if we don't allow ourselves to get that big wish out there, we're sort of doing ourselves a disservice. So I do like to think of it as like, this is a wish. Like let's go there. Like let's see what happens.
Speaker #0
It feels so magical. And you also talk about the difference between a true wish and a should wish. How would one figure out the difference?
Speaker #1
This is something that I think for some people, you kind of have to get through the should wishes in order to get to the true wishes. Basically, I distinguish these as like a true wish is something that you really, truly want deep in your heart. It is what you want. Maybe you find it embarrassing to want that thing, but it's true and it's yours. A should wish. is something that you think you should want. For example, maybe you think you should want a family and you really are actually not interested in having a family. Or maybe you think you should be making six figures, but really that is not that important to you. What is more important to you is having like a small sustainable business, whatever it is, right? So these are usually the should wishes are usually informed by society, our parents. our culture, and it can take a little bit of peeling back to go, wait a minute, do I want that? Or do I think I should want that?
Speaker #0
Speaking of like should and even shame, that was like a recurring thought I had while reading your book, because like, there are things that I know that I want that have been on my list like every year, but I still haven't gone after them fully or haven't been able to achieve it. And I was like, pre-reading how I would feel as I'm like making these sticky notes and sticking them on my wall. And I can tell already that I'm going to struggle with the shame of like seeing the desire and knowing I haven't gotten there yet. You talk about self-compassion as an antidote for this. How do you recommend people cultivate self-compassion as they're doing this? Because it's easy to say like be self-compassionate, but like how do you actually do it?
Speaker #1
Well, I like to think of the life audit. So like all these wishes that you have out there, some of which, as you say, like maybe, you know, oh man, this has been something I've been thinking about for a while. You know, I repeat my life audit. I do it usually around the new year. I like a little refresh or around my birthday. There are definitely things on my life audit that I see over and over again. I really like to think of the life audit as a snapshot in time. So this is a picture of what you're interested in now. Some things will have changed. Some things will have stayed the same. It is not a progress report. You are not getting a grade.
Speaker #0
That's good. Thank God.
Speaker #1
It's like a self-portrait, right? It's like this is a reflection of who you are right now and the things that are important to you. And if there are things that have been important to you for a while and you haven't, gone after them, there's probably a really good reason for that. Like, for example, maybe you don't have the skill set yet. Maybe you don't have the time. Maybe you don't have the resources. Maybe you have deliberately not prioritized it. Maybe you have subconsciously deprioritized it. And so I always like to think of the life audit as, you know, it's a reflection of your wishes. It doesn't always. show you what you have done, which is why I say it's not a progress report, right? Because this is what you want to do. Probably whatever that wish is, right? Where you say, oh my gosh, I've been thinking about this for years. Probably there's a very good reason for why you haven't done it. Maybe a lot of reasons, which is you've been too busy, you know, doing X, Y, Z, other things, right? Like for, I'll give you an example. Like one of mine for ages had been to start a podcast, probably like 10 years. And I was like, man, this one is really plaguing me. But then I thought about it and I was like, okay, well, what have you been focusing on? Oh, you've been writing. You've been cranking out books. Like that is where your attention has been. And only this year, 10 years after this originally showed up on my life audit, did I start to experiment. And I did this little audio series for my last book. And it was a great little experiment. I got what I needed out of it. Will it show up on next year's? I don't think so. And that's okay. You know, so I always like to think of this as an opportunity to see what's coming up for yourself, approach it with curiosity. Like, why is that here? Or maybe even like, why is something missing that I thought was going to be there? And also remind ourselves that there are plenty of things that you're working on that don't show up because you're actively working on them. And so they don't need to show up as a wish. You have to zoom out to really remember. the whole picture. And I think that's where some of the self-compassion comes from of, okay, what decisions did I make given, you know, what I knew at the time and what, what I decided to prioritize and the direction that I was going in. And now what do I want to do about it?
Speaker #0
I know when we're being self-critical, it's usually because we're looking at just like the one microscopic piece of the whole pie. And that's such a great point to look at the whole picture. We talked a little bit about this, but. How do you, once you get everything out, you've grouped all your wishes under themes, how do you then define your core values?
Speaker #1
Yeah. So I usually, I look at, you know, when we're grouping things into themes, this is a very organic practice where we're looking at, you know, oh, I seem to have a lot of things under the heading of community or creativity or business, right? We're coming up with these themes. And then there might be some that feel like, well, this doesn't really fit into. any of those, but it's something important. It's something I want to carry with me every day. So for example, one of mine, to be patient, we talked about like, it is not tied to a specific set of actions or activities even. It's just something that I want to hold within me. And there's probably going to be various of those scattered through. And so I look at those and those are usually the ones that I pull out. And then I really look at them and think, okay, this sort of like floating feeling, oh wait, that might... be a reflection of something that I find deeply valuable. And usually that's how I pull out the core values of, oh, I am someone who it's really important for me to be generous or to be a mentor. I have a niece and nephew and they're like going through these pivotal moments, like, you know, applying to college and like changing schools and things like that. Like, so they showed up on my audit this year is like, I really want to lean into that relationship, right? I can kind of zoom out and go, oh, my core values have to do with. my family and like really bringing, again, that sense of knowledge sharing, which we talked about in terms of writing, but now bringing it to my family. So it's usually looking for these little kind of like, what are things that I could do every day as opposed to a project or core values?
Speaker #0
Right. And oh my gosh, I love the part about auditing people in your life and the different types of people, supporters, passives, detractors, and gems. Would you share a little bit about that? and like why that's such an important part of this process.
Speaker #1
Yes. So when we look at our life audit, hopefully at some point we look at it and we go, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Like, look at all the things that I could be doing. And eventually you're also going to prioritize those and decide, okay, what are a handful of things that I want to tackle right now? Because again, our canvas is really our whole life. So we don't have to, you know, go into overdrive trying to do everything at once. One of the things that is going to allow us to pursue these dreams is the people in our lives. And so I think it's useful to not only audit what do we want out of this life, but also how we're spending our time, which is another thing I talk about, and who we're spending our time with. So this is an opportunity to basically make a list of the people in your life who you spend the most time with, and then sort of categorize, sort them into groups where we're looking at people who are kind of there for the ride. They're not taking anything from us. They're not necessarily like pushing us forward in any way. They're just kind of there. There's a lot of people that fit into that category. People who are gems, I think are the most exciting, which is like, this is the... The people who are inspiring, are motivating. You know, you go and you get coffee with this friend and you leave and you're just like so jazzed and energized, you know, or you feel more like yourself. You feel more capable. Those kinds of friendships are so, so important. What we usually notice, and this is, again, not something to judge yourself for because I think this is very common. What most people will notice when they do this kind of relationship audit is that they don't spend as much time with those gems as they would like. There's a lot of passives. Hopefully there aren't too many detractors, meaning the people who are actively kind of like, you know, that one coworker or client or whomever in your life who brings you down, or maybe even a family member. Like everybody has somebody in their life who kind of like energetically takes a lot from them without boosting them up. So hopefully you don't have too many of those. But usually what you'll see is there's an imbalance of some kind. So maybe your list of gems is shorter than you want it to be. Or maybe it's a great list, but you just are not actually reaching out to those people very much. Again, it's an opportunity to step back and go, OK, why might this be? OK, maybe all of my gems are new moms, so I'm not seeing them, right? Or maybe I have just been in hibernation, working on this creative project, and I have totally neglected that group of people. But the point is to just take it as a snapshot in time, look at it, reflect, and then decide. What do I want to do about that? Maybe I need to make more of an effort or maybe I don't have enough gems and I want to put myself in environments where I can meet more people who fit that category for me.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just loved it so much. And it was like a wake up call as I was thinking about the top people I hang out with and also building community because that's something I've been thinking about a lot in my life. I think you mentioned you've been doing it since post COVID and like intentionally trying to build that. And it's clear throughout the book how deeply important having some sort of community is to achieving these wishes. If you're somebody who struggles with like reaching out to people or asking for help or just even like telling somebody what your dream is, how can you begin?
Speaker #1
That's a good question. I think community can come in many different forms. If you're extroverted, like signing up for meetup. Sounds great, right? Or, you know, you're like, okay, like, let me like try this new thing. If you're more introverted, maybe that sounds a little more difficult. But it doesn't have to be going to the conference or, you know, going to the big meetup. It can be signing up for, let's say, a one hour workshop making holiday cards in your neighborhood. Like it can be, it can be even smaller than that. It can be like trying to become a regular at your local coffee shop.
Speaker #0
Ooh, that sounds like a great goal.
Speaker #1
Right. Like basically what I'm saying is like it can happen at different scales. And some people will say like even that feels like too much. And I think that's where an online community can come into play, where you can still be, quote unquote, around like surrounded by people and slowly, you know, lurk and then eventually kind of make some moves and, you know, like drop a comment and build community that way. Like there really are. There's so many ways to do this, depending on what you're comfortable with. But yeah, it doesn't have to be like. the thousand person conference. It can happen at a really micro scale. And I think it also depends on what your goals are. So if a local community is important, then maybe that coffee shop really is the most important thing you can do. Or maybe it's getting to know your local librarian. Like, again, it depends on what you're hoping to achieve, who you're trying to connect with. The only thing I will add to that is that sometimes when we get to this point, we might have like someone specific in mind, you know, kind of like,
Speaker #0
I'm going to use the word sexy, like somebody who's like kind of like seductive in some way to us. Like, ooh, if I'm thinking about building an author community, that author looks so cool. Like, you know, they've done so much. I think they're in my, you know, city. Like maybe I should do a blind reach out. That's totally cool. Like I'm certainly not discouraging that. But what I am saying is there's a hell of a lot more people beyond the sort of like. the golden, you know, like shiny, shiniest influencer out there or whatever, or the person that you aspire to. So it doesn't always have to be someone that you aspire to. It can be somebody who's at your level or like more of a peer, because I think we get so much out of peer mentorship as well. So I just like to think about like, how do you do this at different scales and looking for people at various levels, not just the sort of like person you want to be in 10 years.
Speaker #1
Totally. Such a good note. Like for you, when you have a wish that you know somebody that you know who's in your community could help you achieve, how do you go about reaching out to tell them the goal and potentially to ask them for help?
Speaker #0
It depends on what kind of relationship is already in place. You know, if there's trust there that has been built up, then it's obviously a lot easier where you can confide in someone and say, I'm thinking about this kind of crazy project. Like, I think I want to do this. What do you think? And that's kind of the best case scenario is when you have that longstanding relationship and you can be open and vulnerable and just also excited. I have people in my life who I don't think twice about telling them my ambitions because I know they want to hear about it and I want to hear about theirs. That relationship is it's really core to both of our growth as creatives, as people. And then I think in other places, like there have been times where I have really strategically sought out an opportunity and said, like, I'm going to apply for that writer's retreat to meet that one person, you know, in the hopes that we build a friendship over time. And maybe along the way, you know, you do that kind of thing and you meet other people and like they surprise you. And that's like the I think the really beautiful thing about this is like if you put yourself out there, whatever that means to you, something good is going to come of it. It might not be the exact thing that you were. anticipating or like the storyline that you had in your head, but like something good is going to come out of it if you just start to make those steps and kind of open things up a little.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think the other thing is that I've been trying to really share with my listeners and with myself, frankly, is like, don't say no to yourself. Like the world might do it. It's probably going to a bunch, but like you shouldn't be shutting the door on your own desire. And that's what I love about this practice in general. Is it's really you saying yes to yourself?
Speaker #0
I think not being afraid of being a beginner is really important. Because sometimes we say no to ourselves because we think, well, I can't do that. I can't do this at my stage of my career. I can't change careers. I can't take on this creative project that's way too ambitious. And so part of saying yes to yourself, as you're saying, is embracing being a beginner, is embracing not knowing anyone. in the industry that you're trying to, you know, make strides in or not knowing how to do the thing. Or even if you know a little bit, like, take the class anyway, like, this is my third book. I just took a writing class last year, because I wanted to meet writers. And I learned stuff, you know, it's like, you're never too experienced to learn more. And so I think that beginner mindset can also help you say yes to more things.
Speaker #1
So true, because I look back at when I I'm also musician outside of this. And when I started my music career, Still to this day, that first year was one of my most successful years in music because I didn't know how hard it actually was. And so I just was like asking for crazy things. And it's weird because my skill now as a musician is so much greater than that. But it didn't matter because I had the gutsiness and the audacity just to ask and to wish. And so if we can borrow that. I mean, and part of it was my brain wasn't fully developed, which, you know, sometimes I wish I could go back.
Speaker #0
Sometimes works in your favor. Yeah.
Speaker #1
But, you know, if we can borrow that early 20-something boldness that we may have had and bring it to whatever age we're at now, it can really help. And I think this method of just getting out whatever your first impulse is that's your desire is helpful. Hey, Creative Cutie. Are you looking to launch a new project or product in the new year? Then I have the workshop for you. On Saturday, January 11th at 11 a.m. Pacific until 1 p.m. Pacific, I am going to be hosting a workshop called Kickstart Your Creative Project in 2025. This workshop will be held via Zoom, so it's completely virtual and you can attend from anywhere in the world. This workshop is going to be amazing because it will address practical, spiritual, and emotional factors that inhibit us from sharing our work. and help you finally put yourself and your work out into the world. We'll do exercises to help you heal your younger self that's maybe creatively wounded, release self-doubt, and find a practical action plan to move forward toward your goal. The first hour of the workshop will be me teaching, followed by an hour of live coaching. The total cost is $40, but if you enroll by Thursday, January 2nd, you will get $10 off with the code KICKSTART, making it just $30 for this transformative workshop. This is my offering to the community. We need creative solutions to the world's problems, and I truly believe your work is part of that. Sign up at the link in the show notes or at LaurenLagrasso.com and click on workshops. Again, you can use code kickstart for $10 off at checkout. And you mentioned to define when to focus on wishes. You say always, soon, someday. Why is this step important?
Speaker #0
So this step is super important because if we don't do it, then we just have a bunch of wishes. categorized into themes where we go, oh, it looks like I want to do some stuff around adventure and travel or some stuff around creativity or whatever family. And then that's it. There's no action. That's all insight, but no action. So really this step is about figuring out when we want to tackle things and it's helping us prioritize. Because if we leave it just in this phase of information and even insight, It can be very easy to get overwhelmed because you have all these wishes and you see all the things that you want to do. So this is our chance to decide where we start. So I like to think about it in terms of being on a spectrum of when. So again, we have our whole lives. This is not something you have to do in two weeks, six months, even a year. But it is a chance for us now to start to look at things and say, OK, what are the things that I want to carry with me every day? That's that always category. For me, those are core values. That's the like expressing generosity as much as I can. It's learning to be patient. It's all of those things that I really want to do every day. And then we're going to go into another category, which is, okay, what are things that I want to do someday? I don't know when at some point in my life. And those probably have a much longer time span. And then there's a phase in between, which is what do I want to do pretty soon? So that could be in the next, let's say, six months, 12 months. So you're kind of. figuring out what I want to do every day, what I want to do in the next six to 12 months near term, and essentially what do I want to do someday long term. And there should be a good mix of wishes. There should be things that you see that are really easy for you to say like, okay, yeah, that is definitely a someday wish. For me, podcasting was a someday wish for nine years. It wasn't until the 10th year where I was like, no, no, okay, we're going to move this into soon. Right? And again, it gives you a little bit of flexibility, lets you play around and see, oh, wow, I put 20 wishes into soon. Does that feel realistic? Maybe not. Maybe I only want to put five into that soon category and let these other things breathe and return to them when the time is right. Because I do think so much of like creative pursuits in particular has to do with timing, not just like timing, like are the right resources in place, but also energetically, like is this a project that's calling to me? So really giving yourself the space to go. okay, I acknowledge, I'm aware that I have this wish for myself in this way, but this is not the time for me to write a novel. Like where the heat is, where I feel the heat is like in this other area and just embracing that.
Speaker #1
And you know, as you were talking about your podcasting wish, I kind of wondered, it's something I've been thinking about a lot with the things that I haven't pursued or that have been recurring on my list. Like, is there some part of you that has some sort of deep inner knowledge or wisdom that maybe that's not the full thing. And correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you tried it and it was like, wow, like writing is still filling me up more. Doing a weekly podcast is a slog. I'm happy I got this experience, but now I can move on. Like, do you think there's some truth to that? That like some deeper part of our wisdom knows like it's not for us or not in that way?
Speaker #0
I think so. And I think, you know, I think it can reflect a few things. I think it can reflect, I'm not ready. I'm not willing to do the work. I am afraid. I don't find it fun, right? Like these are all things that it can, it can reflect. Again, I sort of look at all of these, just I try and bring a spirit of curiosity of like, what might this be telling me? Because It is my voice. It is coming from me. Each of these wishes is coming from me and the way I sort them is coming from me and the way I prioritize them is coming from me. So what is that message? What is it trying to tell me? And yeah, I think sometimes you need to send yourself the same message several years in a row before you figure it out. And that's okay too. You know, again, like we have, hopefully we are all living like long and fulfilling lives and this is really just a tool for us to... Make sure that we're doing that. Yeah.
Speaker #1
And you mentioned prioritizing. In the book, you say to prioritize your top five wishes. Why your top five? And how do you recommend somebody goes about doing that?
Speaker #0
Top five, because more than five is usually overwhelming and difficult to make a plan of action that we feel like we can really follow through on. Even five, we may realize halfway through the year, actually, there's only three things that I want to focus on. Or actually, these two wishes themselves have to multiply because of the number of steps it requires. And they are so big that, you know, I need to deprioritize these other things. So five, again, is just it's a guideline. I usually suggest capping it there just for bandwidth purposes.
Speaker #1
If somebody is having a hard time figuring it out, it's like, oh, my God, but this one and that one. And how do you recommend they kind of come back to center and figure out what are my actual top five?
Speaker #0
I think you can do this in a few ways. And this sort of depends on your personality. You can do this in a very rational thinking kind of way where you look and you say, okay, you know, let's say you have 10 that you really want to work on. You're trying to narrow it down to five. You can look at things like what kind of resources do I have in place? What kind of skill set do I have? What kind of expertise or talents? Like you can look at in terms of basically tools already in your toolbox and what's going to allow you to accomplish these things. You can look at it. emotionally and go, okay, like what is going to make me happiest? Or if you're particularly bold, what am I most afraid of? And use that as a way to move forward. So you can really take a bunch of different lenses that I outlined in the book, whether you're sort of more like rational thinking or more emotionally driven to figure out what those pieces are that you really truly want to prioritize.
Speaker #1
I love what you said about fear. Like that feels pretty resonant to me. One of the other promises of the podcast is to give people tools to take fear out of the driver's seat. So maybe it's going to be there, but not letting it make choices for us. How do you personally work on that in your own life?
Speaker #0
That's a great question. When I'm looking at all of these wishes, I am thinking about fear. I am thinking about, like, we can go back to the podcast example. Like, did I sit on it for almost 10 years because I was afraid of something? Or did I sit on it because I just wasn't excited enough about it? I think in my case it was the latter, but there have definitely been things where you can look back and go, oh, you really dragged your feet on doing that thing. You were scared. I like to think about if something keeps kind of like tapping at my door, like why is that? And it's not always fear, but a lot of times it is. It's the line item on your to-do list that like never gets checked off, right? That you like constantly procrastinate on. Why is that? Do you just hate doing that thing? Or is there some element of fear? But yeah, I mean, I think with all of this, it's all information. It does not mean that you need to tackle it right away. It doesn't mean that you need to go bury your head in the sand. It doesn't mean that you need to judge yourself and call yourself a scaredy cat or, you know, berate yourself for not having done things. This is just information about who you are and what is important to you now. And maybe you decide that you want to do something about that fear. Maybe you decide you want to note it, clock it, say, hey, focus on something else. That's totally fine, too. Yeah,
Speaker #1
such great advice. And you talked about the negative voices in your head. There's also sometimes negative voices outside your head from other people. This is something I was so happy you touched upon in the book, because I really do think the opinions or even the perceived opinions of others is what keeps us stuck in the mud and unable to move toward goals. What is your advice to someone listening who feels very consumed by the potential or real negative voices of others about their wishes?
Speaker #0
I guess first I would say, like, think about who you want to share your wishes with, who deserves to know your wishes. Like, if there is someone in your life who is generally a Debbie Downer or, like, someone who is not in your corner, even if it's a family member, like, this is for you. And you get to decide what you want to do with this. You can let people in and you don't have to either. You can be strategic about who you share these things with. So part of it is like you can be protective of your wishes. And then the other is, I think. Checking that voice and saying, okay, that is good advice for them. Is it good advice for me? Or that opinion resonates with them. Does it resonate with me? Like, what is mine here and what is theirs? And I think distinguishing that is really helpful. And the life audit can be very grounding in that way because you can say, wait a minute, like, this is like not my baggage. This is that person's baggage. This is what they want in their life that they're maybe projecting onto me. You know, I think you see this a lot generationally, right? Like where parents have a certain expectation and then you step back and you go, oh, wait a minute. Maybe this is something that you wanted for your life. And so it's really important that I have it, but it's not my wish. I think, yeah, being protective, being strategic about who you share these things with and also just recognizing like people have their own baggage and that doesn't need to be yours. Like you don't need to take that on. You can kind of see it and go, okay. That's for you. It's not for me.
Speaker #1
Love that. Release what's not yours. And I spoke about this in the beginning when I was introing you, but I just find this to be one of the most brilliant tools for self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge. Why is a life audit such a great entryway to building up these things in our lives?
Speaker #0
I think most of us don't take the time to get to know ourselves. This is like the body that we live with, you know, the mind that we have. And a lot of us are kind of like, my body is just a thing that sleeps and eats. And, you know, I just sit down, you know, or like my mind is a thing that's constantly running. Isn't that annoying? We sort of don't often stop and actually think about ourselves and what we need or what we want. Again, I think this is something that we tend to be more connected to when we're children and sort of we start to lose as we get older. There are a lot of practices that can help you reconnect with that voice, you know, things like journaling, you know, other forms of creative expression. I think the life audit is a really useful tool to get that snapshot of like, okay, current me, present me, what you got, right? Like, what do you want? Like, what does your heart desire? And then the more that you learn about yourself, the easier I think it can be to walk through this world and, you know. have a fulfilling life. I'm not saying that because you do your life audit, like everything will be easy peasy. Like if only, like this isn't a genie in a bottle situation, but the more you know about yourself, the more you can, again, decide like what's for me, what's not for me. And what are the steps that I need to take in order to like fill that well, you know, to make my heart sing. So I think we all have those things. It just can be easy to forget when you're kind of just. going through the to-do list or, you know, checking off the education box or the job box or whatever, whatever that is for you. It's really an opportunity to slow down and get to know yourself again.
Speaker #1
So true. And I have to say, having read, I actually listened to the book, by the way, highly recommend the audio book. It's so great. But having like read and listened to the book, I think that this is probably, and I'm not being hyperbolic, one of the most doable tools I've ever been given. by somebody. So I highly recommend like this podcast is such a great entryway into your work. But for you listening, get the book, especially if you like already like listening to audio, the audio book is great. You can listen, pause, then do the thing, then press play and come back because this will give you the general overview. But then that goes into all the details and there's so much more in there. And I'm just really grateful. Like one of my deepest desires in life, why I started this podcast is I believe. Repressed creativity is the cause of a lot of the world's suffering and that everybody is creative, but many, maybe most people are out there pushing down these lives inside of themselves. And I'm so grateful that you've created a tool to help people remember their inherent creativity, claim it and go after it. So thank you so much for being here and for what you do in the world.
Speaker #0
Thank you. This was really a pleasure.
Speaker #1
Thank you for listening and thanks to my guest, Ximena Vincochea. For more info on Ximena, follow her at XSVincochea and visit her website XimenaVincochea.com. You can find her books, including the Life Audit Journal, which will be released in February, wherever good books are found. Unleash Your Inner Creative is hosted and executive produced by me, Lauren LaGrasso, produced by Rachel Fulton, with theme music by Liz Fole. Thank you so much for listening, my creative cutie. If you like what you heard today, Remember to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Share the show with a friend and post about it on social media. Tag me at Lauren LaGrasso and at Unleash Your Inner Creative, and I will repost to share my gratitude. Also tag Ximena so she can share as well. My wish for you this week is that you embrace your true desires with courage and clarity. May you find the inspiration and tools to take those first steps toward a more fulfilling and creatively rich life. I love you and I believe in you. Talk with you next week.

About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

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About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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Description

✨ From this episode, you’ll learn:

-How to conduct a life audit to uncover your true goals and wishes

-The difference between true wishes and should wishes (and why it matters)

-Why identifying core values helps you align your actions with your authentic self

-Why analog tools are necessary to make your wishes come true & which are best to use

-How to prioritize your wishes by categories and make timelines to go after them

🎧 Tune in now and get ready to reconnect with your truest desires!

More on Ximena

Follow the show: @unleashyourinnercreative

Follow me: @LaurenLoGrasso

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Transcription

Speaker #0
Do you feel fulfilled? Do you have a lot of dreams and goals but feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure of where to start? Then I'm really glad you're here. Today's guests will share an actionable way to reconnect with your deepest desires and give you the tools you need to actually achieve them. Happy New Year, my love, and welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I'm a Webby Award-winning podcast host and producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. This show sits at the intersection of mental health, self-development, and spirituality, and it is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your right to creativity and pursue whatever it is that's on your heart. Kicking off 2025 is Ximena Vinquechea. She is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator known for her books on personal growth and well-being. Ximena's writing has appeared in places like Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Forbes, and Fast Company. Her latest work, The Life Audit, a step-by-step guide to discovering your goals and building the life you want, is an amazing resource for getting what you want out of life and what we'll be discussing here today. I wanted to have Ximena on because she offers a practical yet deeply enriching approach to self-discovery and creativity. Her concept of a life audit isn't just about getting organized or something like that. It's actually about reconnecting with your truest desires, assessing where you are. and figuring out where you want to go. I believe her insights will be instrumental in helping you navigate your creative journey in 2025, just as they have been for me. From today's chat, you'll learn how to conduct a life audit, why identifying core values is so deeply important, the necessity of distinguishing between true wishes and should wishes, how to use post-it notes for effective brainstorming, and much more. Okay, now here she is, Ximena Venkochea. Ximena, I am so excited to have you on Unleash Your Inner Creative, this book that you've written, The Life Audit. To me, it's like manifestation for the very practical person or skeptic along with the woo-woo lovers out there, like no human is left behind. And I also see it as a powerful tool to build self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge, which is the promise of this show. So thank you for being on the podcast.
Speaker #1
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker #0
Oh my gosh, my pleasure. So I guess like let's start with the basics. What is a life audit?
Speaker #1
Yes. So a life audit, I like to think of it as spring cleaning for the soul. So this is really a system to help you figure out what you want out of this one true beautiful life. It is an opportunity to dig deep and unearth some of those hidden desires that we might have, or maybe some wishes that we let go or were told maybe not to pursue. It's really an opportunity to... reconnect with ourselves and figure out what do we want out of this life? And then how can we start to begin to chart a path forward?
Speaker #0
And this idea came to you from a very personal moment. You literally were doing a life audit on your own life. You found yourself in a moment where you weren't completely happy with what was going down and you realized you needed some changes. Can you take me through how you discovered the life audit and how it affected your life?
Speaker #1
Yes. So this was about 10 years ago. I had just moved from New York to San Francisco. I was starting what felt like a really promising new career, but had kind of taken that first baby step where, you know, you take the entry level position and you know, well, this is not quite right. But I think I'm I think I'm heading in the right direction, but it's not quite right as a fit. And at the same time, I had a lot of this great energy that you have when you move to a new place where you're like. you're dating, you're trying things, you're kind of like rediscovering your hobbies. So just like a lot of good momentum. But at the same time was feeling a little bit overwhelmed by that energy. You know, the sense of possibility is so seductive and also can be quite scary. You know, like, where do I begin? I had all these ideas for things that I could do. Did I want to be a designer? Did I want to be an illustrator? Did I want to be a writer? Like, what about this tech job I had just started, right? There was just a lot of stuff happening. And again, exciting, but also a lot of... a little bit overwhelming. And at the time, I was training to become a user researcher. So a user researcher, it's this lesser known role in the tech industry where essentially, our job is to advocate for the user, aka humans, people who use the actual products that these companies are building. And part of what we do in order to do that is we talk to a lot of people. So whatever your favorite email app is or social media, like There is somebody in that company who is. talking to people like you and trying to figure out like, what are your needs? How do you use this product? How does this fit into your routine? How does this fit into your day to day? And so you spend a lot of time with people, deeply understanding them. And then you get a bunch of data where you're like, okay, all these people think these things, now I have to make sense of it. And essentially, like this practice of really asking insightful questions, getting to the bottom of like, what are those answers, and then making sense of all this information, this data and pulling out. insights from that, I sort of took that practice, those set of best practices, and decided, well, instead of running a study on other people for these companies, what if I were to turn these techniques on myself and really use this as an opportunity to kind of check in and answer these deep questions for myself and see like, what would that look like? So that's essentially what I did. The life audit is deeply based in user research practices.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And I found it so inspiring that even though you were in a job at the time that you were like, I know this isn't the thing long term, that that role as a user researcher ended up leading you to at least part of your future vocation. For someone listening right now who's in a role where they're like, oh, this isn't for me. I don't want to do it. Obviously, they need to do a life audit. But like, what would be your advice for them on how to start to like discern what parts of that role they could possibly use in their future dream life?
Speaker #1
Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing is just to maybe look for ways to relieve some pressure of this idea that like, this should be it, like capital I, you know, like, this is the job and just approach it instead with a spirit of like curiosity and adventure of what if this is more like a garden and I can kind of like pick and choose, like, what do I like? What do I want to invest in? Like, where do I want to till the soil a little bit more? Right? Like, I think when you approach it from that space of play, and curiosity, then you can give yourself permission to take what you need at this moment in time from this specific role and then move on. And you kind of like, you're getting closer, right? I'm like a metaphor person. So now I'm thinking about sculpting, right? I'm like, you're getting closer with each job, right? You're like kind of like chipping away. Like you're finding like, what are the pieces that you really like? And it's also totally okay for that to be a phase of your life. Like, that's why I really liked that the life audit, like we are looking at your whole life. So whatever you learn about yourself is not something that you have to immediately like go topsy turvy, like change everything. You can. And that is totally cool if you do that. But also like we're talking about a longer span of time. And I think just reminding ourselves that, too, if you are someone in a position where you're like, OK, this job is not a forever job. Like what can you take from it for this season of your life?
Speaker #0
I love that. And I also love this part of your story that this book really grew from a blog post. That just shows me that sometimes like small things that we share, we think, oh, it's just a small thing, but it can really turn into something much bigger. And if something is resonant on your heart, it's always a good idea to share it. What lesson has that, like the growing of this blog post into this whole book taught you about creativity and sharing your work?
Speaker #1
For me, whenever I write something, I'm always thinking about, is this useful? Can this help someone? Generally, that is my personal sort of litmus test of, is this a diary entry or is this something that I should hit publish on? You know, if it's just me venting, maybe that's not that useful. But if it's something where I feel like I've kind of been able to crystallize some kind of lesson for myself, and I am pretty sure I am not the only person experiencing this. then that's usually when I will decide to share something. So it's always been about knowledge sharing for me. And that's just something that over the years I have, through experiences like the Life Audit, really come to see like that is one of my core values, like knowledge sharing, learning things and sharing and hopefully trying to help people. And so, yeah, I think you can connect with like, what is your core value for your creativity? Like what is something that is really important that is driving this work? And if it meets that personal bar. maybe you do want to share it and put it out in the world and see what happens. Because as you said, like if it's resonating with you, chances are you're not the only person who is going to either benefit from it or connect with it or feel emotionally moved by it. I mean, there's so many responses you can have to art and creativity.
Speaker #0
Totally. I mean, I love the idea that it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be in line with your core values and be of service in some way. That takes a lot of pressure off of being like your next masterpiece, which maybe it is. You don't know. but you won't know until you share it. And I think that this is like a perfect time to dive in a little bit more to the life audit. So we kind of have a general overview of what it is. How does it work in action?
Speaker #1
Essentially, we're going to use very few tools. These are like things that you could probably find at home or if not a quick trip to Staples, but you probably have Post-its at home, Sharpies at home, and you're just going to pull those out and carve out some time and space. So I usually recommend an hour for the first step. The first step is really generative. So we're essentially giving ourselves an hour to come up with a hundred wishes, a hundred things that you might want to do in your life, a hundred wishes, goals, desires. whatever you want to call them. You do not need to get to 100. You can do more than 100. Same with that hour of time. Like these are guidelines. In general, I think this is a good chunk of time for people. More probably will feel overwhelming. Even an hour might for some people feel overwhelming. Just guidelines. Like just see what happens. Usually what happens when you're brainstorming is you might have some, you know, that come right away. And then you might get to a point where you think, okay, I don't actually know. what I want, or maybe you can't even get started, you know, depends on the person. But this is really a chance to like release any sense of pressure of there being a right wish or goal or desire, release any expectations that others may have put on you, whether those are like family members or just cultural expectations, right? This is really a chance for you to go. I'm not going to listen to any of those voices. And I'm going to really try and channel like, what is it that I want? And we're talking like pie in the sky, big dreams, or like really little things. You know, it could be anything from one that always shows up on mine is like, I want to be more patient. Like that is something I will be wishing for my whole life because I am not a by nature very patient person. But it's something that I'm always thinking about. It could also be like, I want to start a podcast. Or it could be, you know, I want to take a knitting class. It could be anything. When we're brainstorming, we always talk about, you know, all ideas are good ideas. It doesn't matter, right? And the purpose of the post-it note is it's small, standard three by three inch. So we're not writing a paragraph. We're just getting at the like really core of like, what is this wish? It's not necessarily like. I'm going to go and like work at a farm in Tuscany and, you know, do this for six weeks and like, you know, two years and whatever. No, it's travel, right? Or like Italy, whatever it is, right? And the post-it note, you have that constraint and it's also, it's meant to feel light. Like you could throw it away afterwards. This is not precious. We are just brainstorming. So that's really the first phase, which is unearthing, reconnecting with ourselves and unearthing, trying to hear that inner voice and make space for it through these desires.
Speaker #0
I love that you recommend a post-it note because I've been taking a lot of classes lately and they have us journaling, which like love it. But like the questions are so in depth. And at the end of the journaling, I'm just like, I can't do it anymore. I just can't handle it. Like it's too much. I get too in my head. So the idea of like just simple things that go on a post-it note that you could throw away if you want is so empowering to me. I am curious because like as you were talking, I thought about it. A lot of people when like... you're starting out figuring out what you want in life they're like have you start with the why why was it important for you instead of starting with the why to start with the what
Speaker #1
I think sometimes we can get stuck on articulating the why like it's hard to articulate the why understanding people's motivations like that is the core of what a user researcher does people usually don't start there in a conversation they usually talk around the why maybe they're not even aware of the why And that is true for ourselves too, right? Like sometimes we have to journal our way through something to even find out like, why do we care about this thing? Or go to therapy or like amazing if you like have self-awareness and you like know those things off the bat. But for a lot of us, it takes some really deep thinking. And so I think the what is a way into the why, because in the next step, that's really when we start to like analyze what has come up. And that's where you kind of can work your way backwards and see, oh, this is so interesting. I have a lot of stuff around. friendship, community, meeting new people. Why might that be? Am I lonely? Oh my God, I'm lonely, right? So we get to the why, but I think it's an easier entry point to just go, okay, like, what are some things that I've always wanted? Or what are some things that could be fun for me to try, right? It relieves, again, some of that pressure, I think. Yeah,
Speaker #0
it's so much like, one is asking you, what is the purpose of your whole life? And the other one's just like, what are some things you'd really like to do? I never thought of it that way, but it is in a lot of ways easier to define what you want versus why you want.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Talk about the analog tools, though. I thought this was also really interesting because so much of our lives are lived on computer, online. You're very specific to say like. Don't do it that way. Why?
Speaker #1
Well, the analog tools, I mean, there's a couple of reasons for it. One, I think will be fairly straightforward, which is just distraction, right? The minute I go into a Google Doc and I start writing this stuff down, I'm online. Oh, there's a little notification happening, you know, or like, oh, I want to travel. Let me look up some places I want to travel and like really go down that rabbit hole. Two hours go by and somehow, you know, you haven't actually finished the exercise. So part of it is distraction. The other is what we were talking about earlier of like just that constraint of really forcing yourself to fit it on that post-it note. If you are doing something digitally, you've got all the space in the world. You can use as much data as you want, right? So this is a chance to just shut it all down, get a little quiet, which I think the internet and our devices are not really very good at facilitating that, and look inward. And again, keep it short, keep it pithy. Go with your gut. And also don't revise. Like don't self-edit. Because a lot of these digital tools are too advanced for what we want to do. Like we're just trying to get ideas out. We're not trying to edit. And I think there's a real temptation when you're using these tools to self-edit. And that kind of defeats the purpose of giving our inner voice space to say something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm just very conscious of the fact that you mostly use the word wish. to describe these desires. Tell me about the choosing of that word.
Speaker #1
A wish can be anything. It can be something huge. It can be something small. It can be, I want to be a bestselling author, or I want to be an award-winning playwright. I think those are the things that we feel more comfortable expressing as children, and then start to outgrow, and we start to get more practical, or a little more fearful, or we start to kind of... minimize those wishes, we turn them into like really small achievable goals or we don't even mention them at all. And there's a place for small achievable goals. Like that is definitely part of like how you get to those bigger wishes. But I think if we don't allow ourselves to get that big wish out there, we're sort of doing ourselves a disservice. So I do like to think of it as like, this is a wish. Like let's go there. Like let's see what happens.
Speaker #0
It feels so magical. And you also talk about the difference between a true wish and a should wish. How would one figure out the difference?
Speaker #1
This is something that I think for some people, you kind of have to get through the should wishes in order to get to the true wishes. Basically, I distinguish these as like a true wish is something that you really, truly want deep in your heart. It is what you want. Maybe you find it embarrassing to want that thing, but it's true and it's yours. A should wish. is something that you think you should want. For example, maybe you think you should want a family and you really are actually not interested in having a family. Or maybe you think you should be making six figures, but really that is not that important to you. What is more important to you is having like a small sustainable business, whatever it is, right? So these are usually the should wishes are usually informed by society, our parents. our culture, and it can take a little bit of peeling back to go, wait a minute, do I want that? Or do I think I should want that?
Speaker #0
Speaking of like should and even shame, that was like a recurring thought I had while reading your book, because like, there are things that I know that I want that have been on my list like every year, but I still haven't gone after them fully or haven't been able to achieve it. And I was like, pre-reading how I would feel as I'm like making these sticky notes and sticking them on my wall. And I can tell already that I'm going to struggle with the shame of like seeing the desire and knowing I haven't gotten there yet. You talk about self-compassion as an antidote for this. How do you recommend people cultivate self-compassion as they're doing this? Because it's easy to say like be self-compassionate, but like how do you actually do it?
Speaker #1
Well, I like to think of the life audit. So like all these wishes that you have out there, some of which, as you say, like maybe, you know, oh man, this has been something I've been thinking about for a while. You know, I repeat my life audit. I do it usually around the new year. I like a little refresh or around my birthday. There are definitely things on my life audit that I see over and over again. I really like to think of the life audit as a snapshot in time. So this is a picture of what you're interested in now. Some things will have changed. Some things will have stayed the same. It is not a progress report. You are not getting a grade.
Speaker #0
That's good. Thank God.
Speaker #1
It's like a self-portrait, right? It's like this is a reflection of who you are right now and the things that are important to you. And if there are things that have been important to you for a while and you haven't, gone after them, there's probably a really good reason for that. Like, for example, maybe you don't have the skill set yet. Maybe you don't have the time. Maybe you don't have the resources. Maybe you have deliberately not prioritized it. Maybe you have subconsciously deprioritized it. And so I always like to think of the life audit as, you know, it's a reflection of your wishes. It doesn't always. show you what you have done, which is why I say it's not a progress report, right? Because this is what you want to do. Probably whatever that wish is, right? Where you say, oh my gosh, I've been thinking about this for years. Probably there's a very good reason for why you haven't done it. Maybe a lot of reasons, which is you've been too busy, you know, doing X, Y, Z, other things, right? Like for, I'll give you an example. Like one of mine for ages had been to start a podcast, probably like 10 years. And I was like, man, this one is really plaguing me. But then I thought about it and I was like, okay, well, what have you been focusing on? Oh, you've been writing. You've been cranking out books. Like that is where your attention has been. And only this year, 10 years after this originally showed up on my life audit, did I start to experiment. And I did this little audio series for my last book. And it was a great little experiment. I got what I needed out of it. Will it show up on next year's? I don't think so. And that's okay. You know, so I always like to think of this as an opportunity to see what's coming up for yourself, approach it with curiosity. Like, why is that here? Or maybe even like, why is something missing that I thought was going to be there? And also remind ourselves that there are plenty of things that you're working on that don't show up because you're actively working on them. And so they don't need to show up as a wish. You have to zoom out to really remember. the whole picture. And I think that's where some of the self-compassion comes from of, okay, what decisions did I make given, you know, what I knew at the time and what, what I decided to prioritize and the direction that I was going in. And now what do I want to do about it?
Speaker #0
I know when we're being self-critical, it's usually because we're looking at just like the one microscopic piece of the whole pie. And that's such a great point to look at the whole picture. We talked a little bit about this, but. How do you, once you get everything out, you've grouped all your wishes under themes, how do you then define your core values?
Speaker #1
Yeah. So I usually, I look at, you know, when we're grouping things into themes, this is a very organic practice where we're looking at, you know, oh, I seem to have a lot of things under the heading of community or creativity or business, right? We're coming up with these themes. And then there might be some that feel like, well, this doesn't really fit into. any of those, but it's something important. It's something I want to carry with me every day. So for example, one of mine, to be patient, we talked about like, it is not tied to a specific set of actions or activities even. It's just something that I want to hold within me. And there's probably going to be various of those scattered through. And so I look at those and those are usually the ones that I pull out. And then I really look at them and think, okay, this sort of like floating feeling, oh wait, that might... be a reflection of something that I find deeply valuable. And usually that's how I pull out the core values of, oh, I am someone who it's really important for me to be generous or to be a mentor. I have a niece and nephew and they're like going through these pivotal moments, like, you know, applying to college and like changing schools and things like that. Like, so they showed up on my audit this year is like, I really want to lean into that relationship, right? I can kind of zoom out and go, oh, my core values have to do with. my family and like really bringing, again, that sense of knowledge sharing, which we talked about in terms of writing, but now bringing it to my family. So it's usually looking for these little kind of like, what are things that I could do every day as opposed to a project or core values?
Speaker #0
Right. And oh my gosh, I love the part about auditing people in your life and the different types of people, supporters, passives, detractors, and gems. Would you share a little bit about that? and like why that's such an important part of this process.
Speaker #1
Yes. So when we look at our life audit, hopefully at some point we look at it and we go, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Like, look at all the things that I could be doing. And eventually you're also going to prioritize those and decide, okay, what are a handful of things that I want to tackle right now? Because again, our canvas is really our whole life. So we don't have to, you know, go into overdrive trying to do everything at once. One of the things that is going to allow us to pursue these dreams is the people in our lives. And so I think it's useful to not only audit what do we want out of this life, but also how we're spending our time, which is another thing I talk about, and who we're spending our time with. So this is an opportunity to basically make a list of the people in your life who you spend the most time with, and then sort of categorize, sort them into groups where we're looking at people who are kind of there for the ride. They're not taking anything from us. They're not necessarily like pushing us forward in any way. They're just kind of there. There's a lot of people that fit into that category. People who are gems, I think are the most exciting, which is like, this is the... The people who are inspiring, are motivating. You know, you go and you get coffee with this friend and you leave and you're just like so jazzed and energized, you know, or you feel more like yourself. You feel more capable. Those kinds of friendships are so, so important. What we usually notice, and this is, again, not something to judge yourself for because I think this is very common. What most people will notice when they do this kind of relationship audit is that they don't spend as much time with those gems as they would like. There's a lot of passives. Hopefully there aren't too many detractors, meaning the people who are actively kind of like, you know, that one coworker or client or whomever in your life who brings you down, or maybe even a family member. Like everybody has somebody in their life who kind of like energetically takes a lot from them without boosting them up. So hopefully you don't have too many of those. But usually what you'll see is there's an imbalance of some kind. So maybe your list of gems is shorter than you want it to be. Or maybe it's a great list, but you just are not actually reaching out to those people very much. Again, it's an opportunity to step back and go, OK, why might this be? OK, maybe all of my gems are new moms, so I'm not seeing them, right? Or maybe I have just been in hibernation, working on this creative project, and I have totally neglected that group of people. But the point is to just take it as a snapshot in time, look at it, reflect, and then decide. What do I want to do about that? Maybe I need to make more of an effort or maybe I don't have enough gems and I want to put myself in environments where I can meet more people who fit that category for me.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just loved it so much. And it was like a wake up call as I was thinking about the top people I hang out with and also building community because that's something I've been thinking about a lot in my life. I think you mentioned you've been doing it since post COVID and like intentionally trying to build that. And it's clear throughout the book how deeply important having some sort of community is to achieving these wishes. If you're somebody who struggles with like reaching out to people or asking for help or just even like telling somebody what your dream is, how can you begin?
Speaker #1
That's a good question. I think community can come in many different forms. If you're extroverted, like signing up for meetup. Sounds great, right? Or, you know, you're like, okay, like, let me like try this new thing. If you're more introverted, maybe that sounds a little more difficult. But it doesn't have to be going to the conference or, you know, going to the big meetup. It can be signing up for, let's say, a one hour workshop making holiday cards in your neighborhood. Like it can be, it can be even smaller than that. It can be like trying to become a regular at your local coffee shop.
Speaker #0
Ooh, that sounds like a great goal.
Speaker #1
Right. Like basically what I'm saying is like it can happen at different scales. And some people will say like even that feels like too much. And I think that's where an online community can come into play, where you can still be, quote unquote, around like surrounded by people and slowly, you know, lurk and then eventually kind of make some moves and, you know, like drop a comment and build community that way. Like there really are. There's so many ways to do this, depending on what you're comfortable with. But yeah, it doesn't have to be like. the thousand person conference. It can happen at a really micro scale. And I think it also depends on what your goals are. So if a local community is important, then maybe that coffee shop really is the most important thing you can do. Or maybe it's getting to know your local librarian. Like, again, it depends on what you're hoping to achieve, who you're trying to connect with. The only thing I will add to that is that sometimes when we get to this point, we might have like someone specific in mind, you know, kind of like,
Speaker #0
I'm going to use the word sexy, like somebody who's like kind of like seductive in some way to us. Like, ooh, if I'm thinking about building an author community, that author looks so cool. Like, you know, they've done so much. I think they're in my, you know, city. Like maybe I should do a blind reach out. That's totally cool. Like I'm certainly not discouraging that. But what I am saying is there's a hell of a lot more people beyond the sort of like. the golden, you know, like shiny, shiniest influencer out there or whatever, or the person that you aspire to. So it doesn't always have to be someone that you aspire to. It can be somebody who's at your level or like more of a peer, because I think we get so much out of peer mentorship as well. So I just like to think about like, how do you do this at different scales and looking for people at various levels, not just the sort of like person you want to be in 10 years.
Speaker #1
Totally. Such a good note. Like for you, when you have a wish that you know somebody that you know who's in your community could help you achieve, how do you go about reaching out to tell them the goal and potentially to ask them for help?
Speaker #0
It depends on what kind of relationship is already in place. You know, if there's trust there that has been built up, then it's obviously a lot easier where you can confide in someone and say, I'm thinking about this kind of crazy project. Like, I think I want to do this. What do you think? And that's kind of the best case scenario is when you have that longstanding relationship and you can be open and vulnerable and just also excited. I have people in my life who I don't think twice about telling them my ambitions because I know they want to hear about it and I want to hear about theirs. That relationship is it's really core to both of our growth as creatives, as people. And then I think in other places, like there have been times where I have really strategically sought out an opportunity and said, like, I'm going to apply for that writer's retreat to meet that one person, you know, in the hopes that we build a friendship over time. And maybe along the way, you know, you do that kind of thing and you meet other people and like they surprise you. And that's like the I think the really beautiful thing about this is like if you put yourself out there, whatever that means to you, something good is going to come of it. It might not be the exact thing that you were. anticipating or like the storyline that you had in your head, but like something good is going to come out of it if you just start to make those steps and kind of open things up a little.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think the other thing is that I've been trying to really share with my listeners and with myself, frankly, is like, don't say no to yourself. Like the world might do it. It's probably going to a bunch, but like you shouldn't be shutting the door on your own desire. And that's what I love about this practice in general. Is it's really you saying yes to yourself?
Speaker #0
I think not being afraid of being a beginner is really important. Because sometimes we say no to ourselves because we think, well, I can't do that. I can't do this at my stage of my career. I can't change careers. I can't take on this creative project that's way too ambitious. And so part of saying yes to yourself, as you're saying, is embracing being a beginner, is embracing not knowing anyone. in the industry that you're trying to, you know, make strides in or not knowing how to do the thing. Or even if you know a little bit, like, take the class anyway, like, this is my third book. I just took a writing class last year, because I wanted to meet writers. And I learned stuff, you know, it's like, you're never too experienced to learn more. And so I think that beginner mindset can also help you say yes to more things.
Speaker #1
So true, because I look back at when I I'm also musician outside of this. And when I started my music career, Still to this day, that first year was one of my most successful years in music because I didn't know how hard it actually was. And so I just was like asking for crazy things. And it's weird because my skill now as a musician is so much greater than that. But it didn't matter because I had the gutsiness and the audacity just to ask and to wish. And so if we can borrow that. I mean, and part of it was my brain wasn't fully developed, which, you know, sometimes I wish I could go back.
Speaker #0
Sometimes works in your favor. Yeah.
Speaker #1
But, you know, if we can borrow that early 20-something boldness that we may have had and bring it to whatever age we're at now, it can really help. And I think this method of just getting out whatever your first impulse is that's your desire is helpful. Hey, Creative Cutie. Are you looking to launch a new project or product in the new year? Then I have the workshop for you. On Saturday, January 11th at 11 a.m. Pacific until 1 p.m. Pacific, I am going to be hosting a workshop called Kickstart Your Creative Project in 2025. This workshop will be held via Zoom, so it's completely virtual and you can attend from anywhere in the world. This workshop is going to be amazing because it will address practical, spiritual, and emotional factors that inhibit us from sharing our work. and help you finally put yourself and your work out into the world. We'll do exercises to help you heal your younger self that's maybe creatively wounded, release self-doubt, and find a practical action plan to move forward toward your goal. The first hour of the workshop will be me teaching, followed by an hour of live coaching. The total cost is $40, but if you enroll by Thursday, January 2nd, you will get $10 off with the code KICKSTART, making it just $30 for this transformative workshop. This is my offering to the community. We need creative solutions to the world's problems, and I truly believe your work is part of that. Sign up at the link in the show notes or at LaurenLagrasso.com and click on workshops. Again, you can use code kickstart for $10 off at checkout. And you mentioned to define when to focus on wishes. You say always, soon, someday. Why is this step important?
Speaker #0
So this step is super important because if we don't do it, then we just have a bunch of wishes. categorized into themes where we go, oh, it looks like I want to do some stuff around adventure and travel or some stuff around creativity or whatever family. And then that's it. There's no action. That's all insight, but no action. So really this step is about figuring out when we want to tackle things and it's helping us prioritize. Because if we leave it just in this phase of information and even insight, It can be very easy to get overwhelmed because you have all these wishes and you see all the things that you want to do. So this is our chance to decide where we start. So I like to think about it in terms of being on a spectrum of when. So again, we have our whole lives. This is not something you have to do in two weeks, six months, even a year. But it is a chance for us now to start to look at things and say, OK, what are the things that I want to carry with me every day? That's that always category. For me, those are core values. That's the like expressing generosity as much as I can. It's learning to be patient. It's all of those things that I really want to do every day. And then we're going to go into another category, which is, okay, what are things that I want to do someday? I don't know when at some point in my life. And those probably have a much longer time span. And then there's a phase in between, which is what do I want to do pretty soon? So that could be in the next, let's say, six months, 12 months. So you're kind of. figuring out what I want to do every day, what I want to do in the next six to 12 months near term, and essentially what do I want to do someday long term. And there should be a good mix of wishes. There should be things that you see that are really easy for you to say like, okay, yeah, that is definitely a someday wish. For me, podcasting was a someday wish for nine years. It wasn't until the 10th year where I was like, no, no, okay, we're going to move this into soon. Right? And again, it gives you a little bit of flexibility, lets you play around and see, oh, wow, I put 20 wishes into soon. Does that feel realistic? Maybe not. Maybe I only want to put five into that soon category and let these other things breathe and return to them when the time is right. Because I do think so much of like creative pursuits in particular has to do with timing, not just like timing, like are the right resources in place, but also energetically, like is this a project that's calling to me? So really giving yourself the space to go. okay, I acknowledge, I'm aware that I have this wish for myself in this way, but this is not the time for me to write a novel. Like where the heat is, where I feel the heat is like in this other area and just embracing that.
Speaker #1
And you know, as you were talking about your podcasting wish, I kind of wondered, it's something I've been thinking about a lot with the things that I haven't pursued or that have been recurring on my list. Like, is there some part of you that has some sort of deep inner knowledge or wisdom that maybe that's not the full thing. And correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you tried it and it was like, wow, like writing is still filling me up more. Doing a weekly podcast is a slog. I'm happy I got this experience, but now I can move on. Like, do you think there's some truth to that? That like some deeper part of our wisdom knows like it's not for us or not in that way?
Speaker #0
I think so. And I think, you know, I think it can reflect a few things. I think it can reflect, I'm not ready. I'm not willing to do the work. I am afraid. I don't find it fun, right? Like these are all things that it can, it can reflect. Again, I sort of look at all of these, just I try and bring a spirit of curiosity of like, what might this be telling me? Because It is my voice. It is coming from me. Each of these wishes is coming from me and the way I sort them is coming from me and the way I prioritize them is coming from me. So what is that message? What is it trying to tell me? And yeah, I think sometimes you need to send yourself the same message several years in a row before you figure it out. And that's okay too. You know, again, like we have, hopefully we are all living like long and fulfilling lives and this is really just a tool for us to... Make sure that we're doing that. Yeah.
Speaker #1
And you mentioned prioritizing. In the book, you say to prioritize your top five wishes. Why your top five? And how do you recommend somebody goes about doing that?
Speaker #0
Top five, because more than five is usually overwhelming and difficult to make a plan of action that we feel like we can really follow through on. Even five, we may realize halfway through the year, actually, there's only three things that I want to focus on. Or actually, these two wishes themselves have to multiply because of the number of steps it requires. And they are so big that, you know, I need to deprioritize these other things. So five, again, is just it's a guideline. I usually suggest capping it there just for bandwidth purposes.
Speaker #1
If somebody is having a hard time figuring it out, it's like, oh, my God, but this one and that one. And how do you recommend they kind of come back to center and figure out what are my actual top five?
Speaker #0
I think you can do this in a few ways. And this sort of depends on your personality. You can do this in a very rational thinking kind of way where you look and you say, okay, you know, let's say you have 10 that you really want to work on. You're trying to narrow it down to five. You can look at things like what kind of resources do I have in place? What kind of skill set do I have? What kind of expertise or talents? Like you can look at in terms of basically tools already in your toolbox and what's going to allow you to accomplish these things. You can look at it. emotionally and go, okay, like what is going to make me happiest? Or if you're particularly bold, what am I most afraid of? And use that as a way to move forward. So you can really take a bunch of different lenses that I outlined in the book, whether you're sort of more like rational thinking or more emotionally driven to figure out what those pieces are that you really truly want to prioritize.
Speaker #1
I love what you said about fear. Like that feels pretty resonant to me. One of the other promises of the podcast is to give people tools to take fear out of the driver's seat. So maybe it's going to be there, but not letting it make choices for us. How do you personally work on that in your own life?
Speaker #0
That's a great question. When I'm looking at all of these wishes, I am thinking about fear. I am thinking about, like, we can go back to the podcast example. Like, did I sit on it for almost 10 years because I was afraid of something? Or did I sit on it because I just wasn't excited enough about it? I think in my case it was the latter, but there have definitely been things where you can look back and go, oh, you really dragged your feet on doing that thing. You were scared. I like to think about if something keeps kind of like tapping at my door, like why is that? And it's not always fear, but a lot of times it is. It's the line item on your to-do list that like never gets checked off, right? That you like constantly procrastinate on. Why is that? Do you just hate doing that thing? Or is there some element of fear? But yeah, I mean, I think with all of this, it's all information. It does not mean that you need to tackle it right away. It doesn't mean that you need to go bury your head in the sand. It doesn't mean that you need to judge yourself and call yourself a scaredy cat or, you know, berate yourself for not having done things. This is just information about who you are and what is important to you now. And maybe you decide that you want to do something about that fear. Maybe you decide you want to note it, clock it, say, hey, focus on something else. That's totally fine, too. Yeah,
Speaker #1
such great advice. And you talked about the negative voices in your head. There's also sometimes negative voices outside your head from other people. This is something I was so happy you touched upon in the book, because I really do think the opinions or even the perceived opinions of others is what keeps us stuck in the mud and unable to move toward goals. What is your advice to someone listening who feels very consumed by the potential or real negative voices of others about their wishes?
Speaker #0
I guess first I would say, like, think about who you want to share your wishes with, who deserves to know your wishes. Like, if there is someone in your life who is generally a Debbie Downer or, like, someone who is not in your corner, even if it's a family member, like, this is for you. And you get to decide what you want to do with this. You can let people in and you don't have to either. You can be strategic about who you share these things with. So part of it is like you can be protective of your wishes. And then the other is, I think. Checking that voice and saying, okay, that is good advice for them. Is it good advice for me? Or that opinion resonates with them. Does it resonate with me? Like, what is mine here and what is theirs? And I think distinguishing that is really helpful. And the life audit can be very grounding in that way because you can say, wait a minute, like, this is like not my baggage. This is that person's baggage. This is what they want in their life that they're maybe projecting onto me. You know, I think you see this a lot generationally, right? Like where parents have a certain expectation and then you step back and you go, oh, wait a minute. Maybe this is something that you wanted for your life. And so it's really important that I have it, but it's not my wish. I think, yeah, being protective, being strategic about who you share these things with and also just recognizing like people have their own baggage and that doesn't need to be yours. Like you don't need to take that on. You can kind of see it and go, okay. That's for you. It's not for me.
Speaker #1
Love that. Release what's not yours. And I spoke about this in the beginning when I was introing you, but I just find this to be one of the most brilliant tools for self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge. Why is a life audit such a great entryway to building up these things in our lives?
Speaker #0
I think most of us don't take the time to get to know ourselves. This is like the body that we live with, you know, the mind that we have. And a lot of us are kind of like, my body is just a thing that sleeps and eats. And, you know, I just sit down, you know, or like my mind is a thing that's constantly running. Isn't that annoying? We sort of don't often stop and actually think about ourselves and what we need or what we want. Again, I think this is something that we tend to be more connected to when we're children and sort of we start to lose as we get older. There are a lot of practices that can help you reconnect with that voice, you know, things like journaling, you know, other forms of creative expression. I think the life audit is a really useful tool to get that snapshot of like, okay, current me, present me, what you got, right? Like, what do you want? Like, what does your heart desire? And then the more that you learn about yourself, the easier I think it can be to walk through this world and, you know. have a fulfilling life. I'm not saying that because you do your life audit, like everything will be easy peasy. Like if only, like this isn't a genie in a bottle situation, but the more you know about yourself, the more you can, again, decide like what's for me, what's not for me. And what are the steps that I need to take in order to like fill that well, you know, to make my heart sing. So I think we all have those things. It just can be easy to forget when you're kind of just. going through the to-do list or, you know, checking off the education box or the job box or whatever, whatever that is for you. It's really an opportunity to slow down and get to know yourself again.
Speaker #1
So true. And I have to say, having read, I actually listened to the book, by the way, highly recommend the audio book. It's so great. But having like read and listened to the book, I think that this is probably, and I'm not being hyperbolic, one of the most doable tools I've ever been given. by somebody. So I highly recommend like this podcast is such a great entryway into your work. But for you listening, get the book, especially if you like already like listening to audio, the audio book is great. You can listen, pause, then do the thing, then press play and come back because this will give you the general overview. But then that goes into all the details and there's so much more in there. And I'm just really grateful. Like one of my deepest desires in life, why I started this podcast is I believe. Repressed creativity is the cause of a lot of the world's suffering and that everybody is creative, but many, maybe most people are out there pushing down these lives inside of themselves. And I'm so grateful that you've created a tool to help people remember their inherent creativity, claim it and go after it. So thank you so much for being here and for what you do in the world.
Speaker #0
Thank you. This was really a pleasure.
Speaker #1
Thank you for listening and thanks to my guest, Ximena Vincochea. For more info on Ximena, follow her at XSVincochea and visit her website XimenaVincochea.com. You can find her books, including the Life Audit Journal, which will be released in February, wherever good books are found. Unleash Your Inner Creative is hosted and executive produced by me, Lauren LaGrasso, produced by Rachel Fulton, with theme music by Liz Fole. Thank you so much for listening, my creative cutie. If you like what you heard today, Remember to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Share the show with a friend and post about it on social media. Tag me at Lauren LaGrasso and at Unleash Your Inner Creative, and I will repost to share my gratitude. Also tag Ximena so she can share as well. My wish for you this week is that you embrace your true desires with courage and clarity. May you find the inspiration and tools to take those first steps toward a more fulfilling and creatively rich life. I love you and I believe in you. Talk with you next week.

About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

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About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Description

✨ From this episode, you’ll learn:

-How to conduct a life audit to uncover your true goals and wishes

-The difference between true wishes and should wishes (and why it matters)

-Why identifying core values helps you align your actions with your authentic self

-Why analog tools are necessary to make your wishes come true & which are best to use

-How to prioritize your wishes by categories and make timelines to go after them

🎧 Tune in now and get ready to reconnect with your truest desires!

More on Ximena

Follow the show: @unleashyourinnercreative

Follow me: @LaurenLoGrasso

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Transcription

Speaker #0
Do you feel fulfilled? Do you have a lot of dreams and goals but feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure of where to start? Then I'm really glad you're here. Today's guests will share an actionable way to reconnect with your deepest desires and give you the tools you need to actually achieve them. Happy New Year, my love, and welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I'm a Webby Award-winning podcast host and producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. This show sits at the intersection of mental health, self-development, and spirituality, and it is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your right to creativity and pursue whatever it is that's on your heart. Kicking off 2025 is Ximena Vinquechea. She is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator known for her books on personal growth and well-being. Ximena's writing has appeared in places like Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Forbes, and Fast Company. Her latest work, The Life Audit, a step-by-step guide to discovering your goals and building the life you want, is an amazing resource for getting what you want out of life and what we'll be discussing here today. I wanted to have Ximena on because she offers a practical yet deeply enriching approach to self-discovery and creativity. Her concept of a life audit isn't just about getting organized or something like that. It's actually about reconnecting with your truest desires, assessing where you are. and figuring out where you want to go. I believe her insights will be instrumental in helping you navigate your creative journey in 2025, just as they have been for me. From today's chat, you'll learn how to conduct a life audit, why identifying core values is so deeply important, the necessity of distinguishing between true wishes and should wishes, how to use post-it notes for effective brainstorming, and much more. Okay, now here she is, Ximena Venkochea. Ximena, I am so excited to have you on Unleash Your Inner Creative, this book that you've written, The Life Audit. To me, it's like manifestation for the very practical person or skeptic along with the woo-woo lovers out there, like no human is left behind. And I also see it as a powerful tool to build self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge, which is the promise of this show. So thank you for being on the podcast.
Speaker #1
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker #0
Oh my gosh, my pleasure. So I guess like let's start with the basics. What is a life audit?
Speaker #1
Yes. So a life audit, I like to think of it as spring cleaning for the soul. So this is really a system to help you figure out what you want out of this one true beautiful life. It is an opportunity to dig deep and unearth some of those hidden desires that we might have, or maybe some wishes that we let go or were told maybe not to pursue. It's really an opportunity to... reconnect with ourselves and figure out what do we want out of this life? And then how can we start to begin to chart a path forward?
Speaker #0
And this idea came to you from a very personal moment. You literally were doing a life audit on your own life. You found yourself in a moment where you weren't completely happy with what was going down and you realized you needed some changes. Can you take me through how you discovered the life audit and how it affected your life?
Speaker #1
Yes. So this was about 10 years ago. I had just moved from New York to San Francisco. I was starting what felt like a really promising new career, but had kind of taken that first baby step where, you know, you take the entry level position and you know, well, this is not quite right. But I think I'm I think I'm heading in the right direction, but it's not quite right as a fit. And at the same time, I had a lot of this great energy that you have when you move to a new place where you're like. you're dating, you're trying things, you're kind of like rediscovering your hobbies. So just like a lot of good momentum. But at the same time was feeling a little bit overwhelmed by that energy. You know, the sense of possibility is so seductive and also can be quite scary. You know, like, where do I begin? I had all these ideas for things that I could do. Did I want to be a designer? Did I want to be an illustrator? Did I want to be a writer? Like, what about this tech job I had just started, right? There was just a lot of stuff happening. And again, exciting, but also a lot of... a little bit overwhelming. And at the time, I was training to become a user researcher. So a user researcher, it's this lesser known role in the tech industry where essentially, our job is to advocate for the user, aka humans, people who use the actual products that these companies are building. And part of what we do in order to do that is we talk to a lot of people. So whatever your favorite email app is or social media, like There is somebody in that company who is. talking to people like you and trying to figure out like, what are your needs? How do you use this product? How does this fit into your routine? How does this fit into your day to day? And so you spend a lot of time with people, deeply understanding them. And then you get a bunch of data where you're like, okay, all these people think these things, now I have to make sense of it. And essentially, like this practice of really asking insightful questions, getting to the bottom of like, what are those answers, and then making sense of all this information, this data and pulling out. insights from that, I sort of took that practice, those set of best practices, and decided, well, instead of running a study on other people for these companies, what if I were to turn these techniques on myself and really use this as an opportunity to kind of check in and answer these deep questions for myself and see like, what would that look like? So that's essentially what I did. The life audit is deeply based in user research practices.
Speaker #0
Yeah. And I found it so inspiring that even though you were in a job at the time that you were like, I know this isn't the thing long term, that that role as a user researcher ended up leading you to at least part of your future vocation. For someone listening right now who's in a role where they're like, oh, this isn't for me. I don't want to do it. Obviously, they need to do a life audit. But like, what would be your advice for them on how to start to like discern what parts of that role they could possibly use in their future dream life?
Speaker #1
Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing is just to maybe look for ways to relieve some pressure of this idea that like, this should be it, like capital I, you know, like, this is the job and just approach it instead with a spirit of like curiosity and adventure of what if this is more like a garden and I can kind of like pick and choose, like, what do I like? What do I want to invest in? Like, where do I want to till the soil a little bit more? Right? Like, I think when you approach it from that space of play, and curiosity, then you can give yourself permission to take what you need at this moment in time from this specific role and then move on. And you kind of like, you're getting closer, right? I'm like a metaphor person. So now I'm thinking about sculpting, right? I'm like, you're getting closer with each job, right? You're like kind of like chipping away. Like you're finding like, what are the pieces that you really like? And it's also totally okay for that to be a phase of your life. Like, that's why I really liked that the life audit, like we are looking at your whole life. So whatever you learn about yourself is not something that you have to immediately like go topsy turvy, like change everything. You can. And that is totally cool if you do that. But also like we're talking about a longer span of time. And I think just reminding ourselves that, too, if you are someone in a position where you're like, OK, this job is not a forever job. Like what can you take from it for this season of your life?
Speaker #0
I love that. And I also love this part of your story that this book really grew from a blog post. That just shows me that sometimes like small things that we share, we think, oh, it's just a small thing, but it can really turn into something much bigger. And if something is resonant on your heart, it's always a good idea to share it. What lesson has that, like the growing of this blog post into this whole book taught you about creativity and sharing your work?
Speaker #1
For me, whenever I write something, I'm always thinking about, is this useful? Can this help someone? Generally, that is my personal sort of litmus test of, is this a diary entry or is this something that I should hit publish on? You know, if it's just me venting, maybe that's not that useful. But if it's something where I feel like I've kind of been able to crystallize some kind of lesson for myself, and I am pretty sure I am not the only person experiencing this. then that's usually when I will decide to share something. So it's always been about knowledge sharing for me. And that's just something that over the years I have, through experiences like the Life Audit, really come to see like that is one of my core values, like knowledge sharing, learning things and sharing and hopefully trying to help people. And so, yeah, I think you can connect with like, what is your core value for your creativity? Like what is something that is really important that is driving this work? And if it meets that personal bar. maybe you do want to share it and put it out in the world and see what happens. Because as you said, like if it's resonating with you, chances are you're not the only person who is going to either benefit from it or connect with it or feel emotionally moved by it. I mean, there's so many responses you can have to art and creativity.
Speaker #0
Totally. I mean, I love the idea that it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be in line with your core values and be of service in some way. That takes a lot of pressure off of being like your next masterpiece, which maybe it is. You don't know. but you won't know until you share it. And I think that this is like a perfect time to dive in a little bit more to the life audit. So we kind of have a general overview of what it is. How does it work in action?
Speaker #1
Essentially, we're going to use very few tools. These are like things that you could probably find at home or if not a quick trip to Staples, but you probably have Post-its at home, Sharpies at home, and you're just going to pull those out and carve out some time and space. So I usually recommend an hour for the first step. The first step is really generative. So we're essentially giving ourselves an hour to come up with a hundred wishes, a hundred things that you might want to do in your life, a hundred wishes, goals, desires. whatever you want to call them. You do not need to get to 100. You can do more than 100. Same with that hour of time. Like these are guidelines. In general, I think this is a good chunk of time for people. More probably will feel overwhelming. Even an hour might for some people feel overwhelming. Just guidelines. Like just see what happens. Usually what happens when you're brainstorming is you might have some, you know, that come right away. And then you might get to a point where you think, okay, I don't actually know. what I want, or maybe you can't even get started, you know, depends on the person. But this is really a chance to like release any sense of pressure of there being a right wish or goal or desire, release any expectations that others may have put on you, whether those are like family members or just cultural expectations, right? This is really a chance for you to go. I'm not going to listen to any of those voices. And I'm going to really try and channel like, what is it that I want? And we're talking like pie in the sky, big dreams, or like really little things. You know, it could be anything from one that always shows up on mine is like, I want to be more patient. Like that is something I will be wishing for my whole life because I am not a by nature very patient person. But it's something that I'm always thinking about. It could also be like, I want to start a podcast. Or it could be, you know, I want to take a knitting class. It could be anything. When we're brainstorming, we always talk about, you know, all ideas are good ideas. It doesn't matter, right? And the purpose of the post-it note is it's small, standard three by three inch. So we're not writing a paragraph. We're just getting at the like really core of like, what is this wish? It's not necessarily like. I'm going to go and like work at a farm in Tuscany and, you know, do this for six weeks and like, you know, two years and whatever. No, it's travel, right? Or like Italy, whatever it is, right? And the post-it note, you have that constraint and it's also, it's meant to feel light. Like you could throw it away afterwards. This is not precious. We are just brainstorming. So that's really the first phase, which is unearthing, reconnecting with ourselves and unearthing, trying to hear that inner voice and make space for it through these desires.
Speaker #0
I love that you recommend a post-it note because I've been taking a lot of classes lately and they have us journaling, which like love it. But like the questions are so in depth. And at the end of the journaling, I'm just like, I can't do it anymore. I just can't handle it. Like it's too much. I get too in my head. So the idea of like just simple things that go on a post-it note that you could throw away if you want is so empowering to me. I am curious because like as you were talking, I thought about it. A lot of people when like... you're starting out figuring out what you want in life they're like have you start with the why why was it important for you instead of starting with the why to start with the what
Speaker #1
I think sometimes we can get stuck on articulating the why like it's hard to articulate the why understanding people's motivations like that is the core of what a user researcher does people usually don't start there in a conversation they usually talk around the why maybe they're not even aware of the why And that is true for ourselves too, right? Like sometimes we have to journal our way through something to even find out like, why do we care about this thing? Or go to therapy or like amazing if you like have self-awareness and you like know those things off the bat. But for a lot of us, it takes some really deep thinking. And so I think the what is a way into the why, because in the next step, that's really when we start to like analyze what has come up. And that's where you kind of can work your way backwards and see, oh, this is so interesting. I have a lot of stuff around. friendship, community, meeting new people. Why might that be? Am I lonely? Oh my God, I'm lonely, right? So we get to the why, but I think it's an easier entry point to just go, okay, like, what are some things that I've always wanted? Or what are some things that could be fun for me to try, right? It relieves, again, some of that pressure, I think. Yeah,
Speaker #0
it's so much like, one is asking you, what is the purpose of your whole life? And the other one's just like, what are some things you'd really like to do? I never thought of it that way, but it is in a lot of ways easier to define what you want versus why you want.
Speaker #1
Yeah.
Speaker #0
Talk about the analog tools, though. I thought this was also really interesting because so much of our lives are lived on computer, online. You're very specific to say like. Don't do it that way. Why?
Speaker #1
Well, the analog tools, I mean, there's a couple of reasons for it. One, I think will be fairly straightforward, which is just distraction, right? The minute I go into a Google Doc and I start writing this stuff down, I'm online. Oh, there's a little notification happening, you know, or like, oh, I want to travel. Let me look up some places I want to travel and like really go down that rabbit hole. Two hours go by and somehow, you know, you haven't actually finished the exercise. So part of it is distraction. The other is what we were talking about earlier of like just that constraint of really forcing yourself to fit it on that post-it note. If you are doing something digitally, you've got all the space in the world. You can use as much data as you want, right? So this is a chance to just shut it all down, get a little quiet, which I think the internet and our devices are not really very good at facilitating that, and look inward. And again, keep it short, keep it pithy. Go with your gut. And also don't revise. Like don't self-edit. Because a lot of these digital tools are too advanced for what we want to do. Like we're just trying to get ideas out. We're not trying to edit. And I think there's a real temptation when you're using these tools to self-edit. And that kind of defeats the purpose of giving our inner voice space to say something.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I'm just very conscious of the fact that you mostly use the word wish. to describe these desires. Tell me about the choosing of that word.
Speaker #1
A wish can be anything. It can be something huge. It can be something small. It can be, I want to be a bestselling author, or I want to be an award-winning playwright. I think those are the things that we feel more comfortable expressing as children, and then start to outgrow, and we start to get more practical, or a little more fearful, or we start to kind of... minimize those wishes, we turn them into like really small achievable goals or we don't even mention them at all. And there's a place for small achievable goals. Like that is definitely part of like how you get to those bigger wishes. But I think if we don't allow ourselves to get that big wish out there, we're sort of doing ourselves a disservice. So I do like to think of it as like, this is a wish. Like let's go there. Like let's see what happens.
Speaker #0
It feels so magical. And you also talk about the difference between a true wish and a should wish. How would one figure out the difference?
Speaker #1
This is something that I think for some people, you kind of have to get through the should wishes in order to get to the true wishes. Basically, I distinguish these as like a true wish is something that you really, truly want deep in your heart. It is what you want. Maybe you find it embarrassing to want that thing, but it's true and it's yours. A should wish. is something that you think you should want. For example, maybe you think you should want a family and you really are actually not interested in having a family. Or maybe you think you should be making six figures, but really that is not that important to you. What is more important to you is having like a small sustainable business, whatever it is, right? So these are usually the should wishes are usually informed by society, our parents. our culture, and it can take a little bit of peeling back to go, wait a minute, do I want that? Or do I think I should want that?
Speaker #0
Speaking of like should and even shame, that was like a recurring thought I had while reading your book, because like, there are things that I know that I want that have been on my list like every year, but I still haven't gone after them fully or haven't been able to achieve it. And I was like, pre-reading how I would feel as I'm like making these sticky notes and sticking them on my wall. And I can tell already that I'm going to struggle with the shame of like seeing the desire and knowing I haven't gotten there yet. You talk about self-compassion as an antidote for this. How do you recommend people cultivate self-compassion as they're doing this? Because it's easy to say like be self-compassionate, but like how do you actually do it?
Speaker #1
Well, I like to think of the life audit. So like all these wishes that you have out there, some of which, as you say, like maybe, you know, oh man, this has been something I've been thinking about for a while. You know, I repeat my life audit. I do it usually around the new year. I like a little refresh or around my birthday. There are definitely things on my life audit that I see over and over again. I really like to think of the life audit as a snapshot in time. So this is a picture of what you're interested in now. Some things will have changed. Some things will have stayed the same. It is not a progress report. You are not getting a grade.
Speaker #0
That's good. Thank God.
Speaker #1
It's like a self-portrait, right? It's like this is a reflection of who you are right now and the things that are important to you. And if there are things that have been important to you for a while and you haven't, gone after them, there's probably a really good reason for that. Like, for example, maybe you don't have the skill set yet. Maybe you don't have the time. Maybe you don't have the resources. Maybe you have deliberately not prioritized it. Maybe you have subconsciously deprioritized it. And so I always like to think of the life audit as, you know, it's a reflection of your wishes. It doesn't always. show you what you have done, which is why I say it's not a progress report, right? Because this is what you want to do. Probably whatever that wish is, right? Where you say, oh my gosh, I've been thinking about this for years. Probably there's a very good reason for why you haven't done it. Maybe a lot of reasons, which is you've been too busy, you know, doing X, Y, Z, other things, right? Like for, I'll give you an example. Like one of mine for ages had been to start a podcast, probably like 10 years. And I was like, man, this one is really plaguing me. But then I thought about it and I was like, okay, well, what have you been focusing on? Oh, you've been writing. You've been cranking out books. Like that is where your attention has been. And only this year, 10 years after this originally showed up on my life audit, did I start to experiment. And I did this little audio series for my last book. And it was a great little experiment. I got what I needed out of it. Will it show up on next year's? I don't think so. And that's okay. You know, so I always like to think of this as an opportunity to see what's coming up for yourself, approach it with curiosity. Like, why is that here? Or maybe even like, why is something missing that I thought was going to be there? And also remind ourselves that there are plenty of things that you're working on that don't show up because you're actively working on them. And so they don't need to show up as a wish. You have to zoom out to really remember. the whole picture. And I think that's where some of the self-compassion comes from of, okay, what decisions did I make given, you know, what I knew at the time and what, what I decided to prioritize and the direction that I was going in. And now what do I want to do about it?
Speaker #0
I know when we're being self-critical, it's usually because we're looking at just like the one microscopic piece of the whole pie. And that's such a great point to look at the whole picture. We talked a little bit about this, but. How do you, once you get everything out, you've grouped all your wishes under themes, how do you then define your core values?
Speaker #1
Yeah. So I usually, I look at, you know, when we're grouping things into themes, this is a very organic practice where we're looking at, you know, oh, I seem to have a lot of things under the heading of community or creativity or business, right? We're coming up with these themes. And then there might be some that feel like, well, this doesn't really fit into. any of those, but it's something important. It's something I want to carry with me every day. So for example, one of mine, to be patient, we talked about like, it is not tied to a specific set of actions or activities even. It's just something that I want to hold within me. And there's probably going to be various of those scattered through. And so I look at those and those are usually the ones that I pull out. And then I really look at them and think, okay, this sort of like floating feeling, oh wait, that might... be a reflection of something that I find deeply valuable. And usually that's how I pull out the core values of, oh, I am someone who it's really important for me to be generous or to be a mentor. I have a niece and nephew and they're like going through these pivotal moments, like, you know, applying to college and like changing schools and things like that. Like, so they showed up on my audit this year is like, I really want to lean into that relationship, right? I can kind of zoom out and go, oh, my core values have to do with. my family and like really bringing, again, that sense of knowledge sharing, which we talked about in terms of writing, but now bringing it to my family. So it's usually looking for these little kind of like, what are things that I could do every day as opposed to a project or core values?
Speaker #0
Right. And oh my gosh, I love the part about auditing people in your life and the different types of people, supporters, passives, detractors, and gems. Would you share a little bit about that? and like why that's such an important part of this process.
Speaker #1
Yes. So when we look at our life audit, hopefully at some point we look at it and we go, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Like, look at all the things that I could be doing. And eventually you're also going to prioritize those and decide, okay, what are a handful of things that I want to tackle right now? Because again, our canvas is really our whole life. So we don't have to, you know, go into overdrive trying to do everything at once. One of the things that is going to allow us to pursue these dreams is the people in our lives. And so I think it's useful to not only audit what do we want out of this life, but also how we're spending our time, which is another thing I talk about, and who we're spending our time with. So this is an opportunity to basically make a list of the people in your life who you spend the most time with, and then sort of categorize, sort them into groups where we're looking at people who are kind of there for the ride. They're not taking anything from us. They're not necessarily like pushing us forward in any way. They're just kind of there. There's a lot of people that fit into that category. People who are gems, I think are the most exciting, which is like, this is the... The people who are inspiring, are motivating. You know, you go and you get coffee with this friend and you leave and you're just like so jazzed and energized, you know, or you feel more like yourself. You feel more capable. Those kinds of friendships are so, so important. What we usually notice, and this is, again, not something to judge yourself for because I think this is very common. What most people will notice when they do this kind of relationship audit is that they don't spend as much time with those gems as they would like. There's a lot of passives. Hopefully there aren't too many detractors, meaning the people who are actively kind of like, you know, that one coworker or client or whomever in your life who brings you down, or maybe even a family member. Like everybody has somebody in their life who kind of like energetically takes a lot from them without boosting them up. So hopefully you don't have too many of those. But usually what you'll see is there's an imbalance of some kind. So maybe your list of gems is shorter than you want it to be. Or maybe it's a great list, but you just are not actually reaching out to those people very much. Again, it's an opportunity to step back and go, OK, why might this be? OK, maybe all of my gems are new moms, so I'm not seeing them, right? Or maybe I have just been in hibernation, working on this creative project, and I have totally neglected that group of people. But the point is to just take it as a snapshot in time, look at it, reflect, and then decide. What do I want to do about that? Maybe I need to make more of an effort or maybe I don't have enough gems and I want to put myself in environments where I can meet more people who fit that category for me.
Speaker #0
Yeah. I just loved it so much. And it was like a wake up call as I was thinking about the top people I hang out with and also building community because that's something I've been thinking about a lot in my life. I think you mentioned you've been doing it since post COVID and like intentionally trying to build that. And it's clear throughout the book how deeply important having some sort of community is to achieving these wishes. If you're somebody who struggles with like reaching out to people or asking for help or just even like telling somebody what your dream is, how can you begin?
Speaker #1
That's a good question. I think community can come in many different forms. If you're extroverted, like signing up for meetup. Sounds great, right? Or, you know, you're like, okay, like, let me like try this new thing. If you're more introverted, maybe that sounds a little more difficult. But it doesn't have to be going to the conference or, you know, going to the big meetup. It can be signing up for, let's say, a one hour workshop making holiday cards in your neighborhood. Like it can be, it can be even smaller than that. It can be like trying to become a regular at your local coffee shop.
Speaker #0
Ooh, that sounds like a great goal.
Speaker #1
Right. Like basically what I'm saying is like it can happen at different scales. And some people will say like even that feels like too much. And I think that's where an online community can come into play, where you can still be, quote unquote, around like surrounded by people and slowly, you know, lurk and then eventually kind of make some moves and, you know, like drop a comment and build community that way. Like there really are. There's so many ways to do this, depending on what you're comfortable with. But yeah, it doesn't have to be like. the thousand person conference. It can happen at a really micro scale. And I think it also depends on what your goals are. So if a local community is important, then maybe that coffee shop really is the most important thing you can do. Or maybe it's getting to know your local librarian. Like, again, it depends on what you're hoping to achieve, who you're trying to connect with. The only thing I will add to that is that sometimes when we get to this point, we might have like someone specific in mind, you know, kind of like,
Speaker #0
I'm going to use the word sexy, like somebody who's like kind of like seductive in some way to us. Like, ooh, if I'm thinking about building an author community, that author looks so cool. Like, you know, they've done so much. I think they're in my, you know, city. Like maybe I should do a blind reach out. That's totally cool. Like I'm certainly not discouraging that. But what I am saying is there's a hell of a lot more people beyond the sort of like. the golden, you know, like shiny, shiniest influencer out there or whatever, or the person that you aspire to. So it doesn't always have to be someone that you aspire to. It can be somebody who's at your level or like more of a peer, because I think we get so much out of peer mentorship as well. So I just like to think about like, how do you do this at different scales and looking for people at various levels, not just the sort of like person you want to be in 10 years.
Speaker #1
Totally. Such a good note. Like for you, when you have a wish that you know somebody that you know who's in your community could help you achieve, how do you go about reaching out to tell them the goal and potentially to ask them for help?
Speaker #0
It depends on what kind of relationship is already in place. You know, if there's trust there that has been built up, then it's obviously a lot easier where you can confide in someone and say, I'm thinking about this kind of crazy project. Like, I think I want to do this. What do you think? And that's kind of the best case scenario is when you have that longstanding relationship and you can be open and vulnerable and just also excited. I have people in my life who I don't think twice about telling them my ambitions because I know they want to hear about it and I want to hear about theirs. That relationship is it's really core to both of our growth as creatives, as people. And then I think in other places, like there have been times where I have really strategically sought out an opportunity and said, like, I'm going to apply for that writer's retreat to meet that one person, you know, in the hopes that we build a friendship over time. And maybe along the way, you know, you do that kind of thing and you meet other people and like they surprise you. And that's like the I think the really beautiful thing about this is like if you put yourself out there, whatever that means to you, something good is going to come of it. It might not be the exact thing that you were. anticipating or like the storyline that you had in your head, but like something good is going to come out of it if you just start to make those steps and kind of open things up a little.
Speaker #1
Right. And I think the other thing is that I've been trying to really share with my listeners and with myself, frankly, is like, don't say no to yourself. Like the world might do it. It's probably going to a bunch, but like you shouldn't be shutting the door on your own desire. And that's what I love about this practice in general. Is it's really you saying yes to yourself?
Speaker #0
I think not being afraid of being a beginner is really important. Because sometimes we say no to ourselves because we think, well, I can't do that. I can't do this at my stage of my career. I can't change careers. I can't take on this creative project that's way too ambitious. And so part of saying yes to yourself, as you're saying, is embracing being a beginner, is embracing not knowing anyone. in the industry that you're trying to, you know, make strides in or not knowing how to do the thing. Or even if you know a little bit, like, take the class anyway, like, this is my third book. I just took a writing class last year, because I wanted to meet writers. And I learned stuff, you know, it's like, you're never too experienced to learn more. And so I think that beginner mindset can also help you say yes to more things.
Speaker #1
So true, because I look back at when I I'm also musician outside of this. And when I started my music career, Still to this day, that first year was one of my most successful years in music because I didn't know how hard it actually was. And so I just was like asking for crazy things. And it's weird because my skill now as a musician is so much greater than that. But it didn't matter because I had the gutsiness and the audacity just to ask and to wish. And so if we can borrow that. I mean, and part of it was my brain wasn't fully developed, which, you know, sometimes I wish I could go back.
Speaker #0
Sometimes works in your favor. Yeah.
Speaker #1
But, you know, if we can borrow that early 20-something boldness that we may have had and bring it to whatever age we're at now, it can really help. And I think this method of just getting out whatever your first impulse is that's your desire is helpful. Hey, Creative Cutie. Are you looking to launch a new project or product in the new year? Then I have the workshop for you. On Saturday, January 11th at 11 a.m. Pacific until 1 p.m. Pacific, I am going to be hosting a workshop called Kickstart Your Creative Project in 2025. This workshop will be held via Zoom, so it's completely virtual and you can attend from anywhere in the world. This workshop is going to be amazing because it will address practical, spiritual, and emotional factors that inhibit us from sharing our work. and help you finally put yourself and your work out into the world. We'll do exercises to help you heal your younger self that's maybe creatively wounded, release self-doubt, and find a practical action plan to move forward toward your goal. The first hour of the workshop will be me teaching, followed by an hour of live coaching. The total cost is $40, but if you enroll by Thursday, January 2nd, you will get $10 off with the code KICKSTART, making it just $30 for this transformative workshop. This is my offering to the community. We need creative solutions to the world's problems, and I truly believe your work is part of that. Sign up at the link in the show notes or at LaurenLagrasso.com and click on workshops. Again, you can use code kickstart for $10 off at checkout. And you mentioned to define when to focus on wishes. You say always, soon, someday. Why is this step important?
Speaker #0
So this step is super important because if we don't do it, then we just have a bunch of wishes. categorized into themes where we go, oh, it looks like I want to do some stuff around adventure and travel or some stuff around creativity or whatever family. And then that's it. There's no action. That's all insight, but no action. So really this step is about figuring out when we want to tackle things and it's helping us prioritize. Because if we leave it just in this phase of information and even insight, It can be very easy to get overwhelmed because you have all these wishes and you see all the things that you want to do. So this is our chance to decide where we start. So I like to think about it in terms of being on a spectrum of when. So again, we have our whole lives. This is not something you have to do in two weeks, six months, even a year. But it is a chance for us now to start to look at things and say, OK, what are the things that I want to carry with me every day? That's that always category. For me, those are core values. That's the like expressing generosity as much as I can. It's learning to be patient. It's all of those things that I really want to do every day. And then we're going to go into another category, which is, okay, what are things that I want to do someday? I don't know when at some point in my life. And those probably have a much longer time span. And then there's a phase in between, which is what do I want to do pretty soon? So that could be in the next, let's say, six months, 12 months. So you're kind of. figuring out what I want to do every day, what I want to do in the next six to 12 months near term, and essentially what do I want to do someday long term. And there should be a good mix of wishes. There should be things that you see that are really easy for you to say like, okay, yeah, that is definitely a someday wish. For me, podcasting was a someday wish for nine years. It wasn't until the 10th year where I was like, no, no, okay, we're going to move this into soon. Right? And again, it gives you a little bit of flexibility, lets you play around and see, oh, wow, I put 20 wishes into soon. Does that feel realistic? Maybe not. Maybe I only want to put five into that soon category and let these other things breathe and return to them when the time is right. Because I do think so much of like creative pursuits in particular has to do with timing, not just like timing, like are the right resources in place, but also energetically, like is this a project that's calling to me? So really giving yourself the space to go. okay, I acknowledge, I'm aware that I have this wish for myself in this way, but this is not the time for me to write a novel. Like where the heat is, where I feel the heat is like in this other area and just embracing that.
Speaker #1
And you know, as you were talking about your podcasting wish, I kind of wondered, it's something I've been thinking about a lot with the things that I haven't pursued or that have been recurring on my list. Like, is there some part of you that has some sort of deep inner knowledge or wisdom that maybe that's not the full thing. And correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you tried it and it was like, wow, like writing is still filling me up more. Doing a weekly podcast is a slog. I'm happy I got this experience, but now I can move on. Like, do you think there's some truth to that? That like some deeper part of our wisdom knows like it's not for us or not in that way?
Speaker #0
I think so. And I think, you know, I think it can reflect a few things. I think it can reflect, I'm not ready. I'm not willing to do the work. I am afraid. I don't find it fun, right? Like these are all things that it can, it can reflect. Again, I sort of look at all of these, just I try and bring a spirit of curiosity of like, what might this be telling me? Because It is my voice. It is coming from me. Each of these wishes is coming from me and the way I sort them is coming from me and the way I prioritize them is coming from me. So what is that message? What is it trying to tell me? And yeah, I think sometimes you need to send yourself the same message several years in a row before you figure it out. And that's okay too. You know, again, like we have, hopefully we are all living like long and fulfilling lives and this is really just a tool for us to... Make sure that we're doing that. Yeah.
Speaker #1
And you mentioned prioritizing. In the book, you say to prioritize your top five wishes. Why your top five? And how do you recommend somebody goes about doing that?
Speaker #0
Top five, because more than five is usually overwhelming and difficult to make a plan of action that we feel like we can really follow through on. Even five, we may realize halfway through the year, actually, there's only three things that I want to focus on. Or actually, these two wishes themselves have to multiply because of the number of steps it requires. And they are so big that, you know, I need to deprioritize these other things. So five, again, is just it's a guideline. I usually suggest capping it there just for bandwidth purposes.
Speaker #1
If somebody is having a hard time figuring it out, it's like, oh, my God, but this one and that one. And how do you recommend they kind of come back to center and figure out what are my actual top five?
Speaker #0
I think you can do this in a few ways. And this sort of depends on your personality. You can do this in a very rational thinking kind of way where you look and you say, okay, you know, let's say you have 10 that you really want to work on. You're trying to narrow it down to five. You can look at things like what kind of resources do I have in place? What kind of skill set do I have? What kind of expertise or talents? Like you can look at in terms of basically tools already in your toolbox and what's going to allow you to accomplish these things. You can look at it. emotionally and go, okay, like what is going to make me happiest? Or if you're particularly bold, what am I most afraid of? And use that as a way to move forward. So you can really take a bunch of different lenses that I outlined in the book, whether you're sort of more like rational thinking or more emotionally driven to figure out what those pieces are that you really truly want to prioritize.
Speaker #1
I love what you said about fear. Like that feels pretty resonant to me. One of the other promises of the podcast is to give people tools to take fear out of the driver's seat. So maybe it's going to be there, but not letting it make choices for us. How do you personally work on that in your own life?
Speaker #0
That's a great question. When I'm looking at all of these wishes, I am thinking about fear. I am thinking about, like, we can go back to the podcast example. Like, did I sit on it for almost 10 years because I was afraid of something? Or did I sit on it because I just wasn't excited enough about it? I think in my case it was the latter, but there have definitely been things where you can look back and go, oh, you really dragged your feet on doing that thing. You were scared. I like to think about if something keeps kind of like tapping at my door, like why is that? And it's not always fear, but a lot of times it is. It's the line item on your to-do list that like never gets checked off, right? That you like constantly procrastinate on. Why is that? Do you just hate doing that thing? Or is there some element of fear? But yeah, I mean, I think with all of this, it's all information. It does not mean that you need to tackle it right away. It doesn't mean that you need to go bury your head in the sand. It doesn't mean that you need to judge yourself and call yourself a scaredy cat or, you know, berate yourself for not having done things. This is just information about who you are and what is important to you now. And maybe you decide that you want to do something about that fear. Maybe you decide you want to note it, clock it, say, hey, focus on something else. That's totally fine, too. Yeah,
Speaker #1
such great advice. And you talked about the negative voices in your head. There's also sometimes negative voices outside your head from other people. This is something I was so happy you touched upon in the book, because I really do think the opinions or even the perceived opinions of others is what keeps us stuck in the mud and unable to move toward goals. What is your advice to someone listening who feels very consumed by the potential or real negative voices of others about their wishes?
Speaker #0
I guess first I would say, like, think about who you want to share your wishes with, who deserves to know your wishes. Like, if there is someone in your life who is generally a Debbie Downer or, like, someone who is not in your corner, even if it's a family member, like, this is for you. And you get to decide what you want to do with this. You can let people in and you don't have to either. You can be strategic about who you share these things with. So part of it is like you can be protective of your wishes. And then the other is, I think. Checking that voice and saying, okay, that is good advice for them. Is it good advice for me? Or that opinion resonates with them. Does it resonate with me? Like, what is mine here and what is theirs? And I think distinguishing that is really helpful. And the life audit can be very grounding in that way because you can say, wait a minute, like, this is like not my baggage. This is that person's baggage. This is what they want in their life that they're maybe projecting onto me. You know, I think you see this a lot generationally, right? Like where parents have a certain expectation and then you step back and you go, oh, wait a minute. Maybe this is something that you wanted for your life. And so it's really important that I have it, but it's not my wish. I think, yeah, being protective, being strategic about who you share these things with and also just recognizing like people have their own baggage and that doesn't need to be yours. Like you don't need to take that on. You can kind of see it and go, okay. That's for you. It's not for me.
Speaker #1
Love that. Release what's not yours. And I spoke about this in the beginning when I was introing you, but I just find this to be one of the most brilliant tools for self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge. Why is a life audit such a great entryway to building up these things in our lives?
Speaker #0
I think most of us don't take the time to get to know ourselves. This is like the body that we live with, you know, the mind that we have. And a lot of us are kind of like, my body is just a thing that sleeps and eats. And, you know, I just sit down, you know, or like my mind is a thing that's constantly running. Isn't that annoying? We sort of don't often stop and actually think about ourselves and what we need or what we want. Again, I think this is something that we tend to be more connected to when we're children and sort of we start to lose as we get older. There are a lot of practices that can help you reconnect with that voice, you know, things like journaling, you know, other forms of creative expression. I think the life audit is a really useful tool to get that snapshot of like, okay, current me, present me, what you got, right? Like, what do you want? Like, what does your heart desire? And then the more that you learn about yourself, the easier I think it can be to walk through this world and, you know. have a fulfilling life. I'm not saying that because you do your life audit, like everything will be easy peasy. Like if only, like this isn't a genie in a bottle situation, but the more you know about yourself, the more you can, again, decide like what's for me, what's not for me. And what are the steps that I need to take in order to like fill that well, you know, to make my heart sing. So I think we all have those things. It just can be easy to forget when you're kind of just. going through the to-do list or, you know, checking off the education box or the job box or whatever, whatever that is for you. It's really an opportunity to slow down and get to know yourself again.
Speaker #1
So true. And I have to say, having read, I actually listened to the book, by the way, highly recommend the audio book. It's so great. But having like read and listened to the book, I think that this is probably, and I'm not being hyperbolic, one of the most doable tools I've ever been given. by somebody. So I highly recommend like this podcast is such a great entryway into your work. But for you listening, get the book, especially if you like already like listening to audio, the audio book is great. You can listen, pause, then do the thing, then press play and come back because this will give you the general overview. But then that goes into all the details and there's so much more in there. And I'm just really grateful. Like one of my deepest desires in life, why I started this podcast is I believe. Repressed creativity is the cause of a lot of the world's suffering and that everybody is creative, but many, maybe most people are out there pushing down these lives inside of themselves. And I'm so grateful that you've created a tool to help people remember their inherent creativity, claim it and go after it. So thank you so much for being here and for what you do in the world.
Speaker #0
Thank you. This was really a pleasure.
Speaker #1
Thank you for listening and thanks to my guest, Ximena Vincochea. For more info on Ximena, follow her at XSVincochea and visit her website XimenaVincochea.com. You can find her books, including the Life Audit Journal, which will be released in February, wherever good books are found. Unleash Your Inner Creative is hosted and executive produced by me, Lauren LaGrasso, produced by Rachel Fulton, with theme music by Liz Fole. Thank you so much for listening, my creative cutie. If you like what you heard today, Remember to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Share the show with a friend and post about it on social media. Tag me at Lauren LaGrasso and at Unleash Your Inner Creative, and I will repost to share my gratitude. Also tag Ximena so she can share as well. My wish for you this week is that you embrace your true desires with courage and clarity. May you find the inspiration and tools to take those first steps toward a more fulfilling and creatively rich life. I love you and I believe in you. Talk with you next week.

About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

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About Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LoGrasso (A Creativity Podcast)

New episodes are out every Wednesday - follow, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts :)

Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

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