Speaker #0Have you ever taken time off or even rested for just a few hours only to feel bad the whole time? Let me know if this sounds familiar. You've been working hard all day. You know it's time to take a break and rest. You sit down on the couch to watch a movie or go out to dinner with a friend and the whole time you're riddled with guilt and shame. The self-talk sounds like, what's wrong with you? You should be working right now. You know you have so much to do right now. You shouldn't be enjoying life this much without producing anything. All of these are variations of you don't deserve to be anything but a good little machine. If this pattern is something you struggle with, I am right in there with you. This Memorial Day weekend, I had a realization. I've learned to rest, but I haven't learned to let it in. Today's topic is how to stop taking time off without ever actually resting and how to finally take real rest and restorative time for yourself. Welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I'm a three-time Webby Award-winning podcast host and producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. This show sits at the intersection of creativity, mental health, self-development, and spirituality, and it is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your birthright to creativity and pursue whatever it is that's on your heart. Before we get into it, I do want to remind you that I offer creative coaching. It's something I love doing and I currently have space for a few more clients. So if you are interested in unleashing your creativity, sharing your creative project with the world, and finally going after your biggest dreams from a place of self-love, it would be my honor to help you. You can email me at lauren.lagrasso at gmail.com to set up a free discovery call or go to my website on the contact page and select coaching. I can't wait to help you unleash your inner creative and find your authentic voice. Now... to today's topic, which is how to stop taking time off without ever really taking time off, aka how to have actual rest and to take actual rest. And I came to this topic, like all my topics from my real life. This weekend was Memorial Day weekend. I've been home with my family in Michigan, which has been lovely. And I decided to fully take off Saturday and Sunday, something I don't typically do. I usually work at least one day of the weekend because I knew I had Monday to get all my work done. done. I also had an interview scheduled. So it just felt like it was time to actually take some time to rest. And while this idea was lovely in theory, it didn't really help me. And here's why. I spent the whole weekend working mentally and beating myself up, even though I was technically taking time off. And it makes sense. You know, I had an interview on Monday. Like I said, at the same time, I'm in the midst of working a full-time job, planning a wedding. Really like building my public speaking career and fully launching that, doing my podcast, making music and writing music. I genuinely have a lot to do. And also nothing is going to get done or at least nothing is going to get done well if I can't rest. And as I've previously realized, rest is part of the creative process. I have learned to take it, but I've never fully learned to let it in. to let it sink in, to let it wash over me and have a full present moment and rest. And on Saturday and Sunday, both in my free time and in my social time, I found myself anxious, nervous, beating myself up, telling myself I should have been working. So I came to the realization that for the future, if I'm going to take time off, that means I'm actually going to take time off, including time away from my worries and from my inner drill sergeant. And as you can hear, I'm in the midst of this change. I have not mastered it, but I'm going to share some steps that I am planning on taking and that I kind of started to take this weekend so that maybe we can all do this experiment together. If you're somebody that struggles with this inner drill sergeant, with never letting yourself fully. off the hook to just rest and be a human, I think we should all try this. And I would also love to know your tips. So you can DM me at Lauren LaGrasso at Unleash Your Inner Creative or email me your best tips to actually rest and for how to embody presence and peace while in that rest. So here are the tips to start fully resting and being present in your rest that I started employing a little bit as the weekend went on and that I'm going to keep using as I try to make this new life change. And I No. by the way, it's going to be ongoing. It's not like, oh, now I never, you know, shit talk myself when I'm sitting down. It may be that I have to work on this for the rest of my life. A lot of things seem to be that way. You know, it's a practice versus a destination. It's a journey versus a destination. So anyway, wanted to say that. And also as we talk, I might think of new things because even as I'm sitting here, you know, intermonologuing to you, I'm thinking of things that could be necessary and needed as I... start this journey. So but the first thing I want to say is that you need to know what kind of rest you need. So prior to Memorial Day weekend, it had been kind of nonstop for like two weeks. We had an amazing time at the Webby Awards. I want to do a full breakdown of that for you sometime, whether it's here or on my socials. But it was like such an inspiring and incredible time in New York City. But if you've ever been to New York City and specifically if you've ever been to New York City for work stuff, you know that it is nonstop, unrelenting, like... action all the time. And so while we were there, I didn't sleep that much and it was go, go, go. And needless to say, I got no rest. Then we came home. I went to my dad's follow-up appointment with him. By the way, he's doing great. And he was fully cleared by the neurologist. So I want to thank you for all your prayers. His brain is back in the normal place and they found no new bleeding. So thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. And thank you, all of you, my community, for praying for him. But I went to that appointment with him. Then I went to Chicago and Timmy and I spent time with his family there. Timmy is my fiance, if you're a new listener. Then we went to his sister's wedding in Springfield, Illinois. Then we went back to Chicago. Then we came back to Michigan and it was right back to work from there. So there was no rest during that time. And then we've been planning this like big event, like a pre-wedding celebration in Michigan. And I've been working and it's, you know, I did a keynote speech last week. Everything is going, And so to be honest with you, this weekend, I probably didn't need to socialize that much. What I really needed to do was be a sloth and lay in my bed and just mummify myself for two full days. So that didn't happen, though. I, you know, had a little bit of time to do that. Not much. We were mostly spending time with family, which is beautiful. My cousin's in town with her kids. And so we're all getting together. And that's wonderful. But that's... does take energy. And I probably needed slower paced time and rest and alone time this weekend. But most of the time off that I had involved being around bigger groups of people, which still requires energy and still is work and like can cause physical stress to the body, even if you're like overall relaxed. So if you're a state like I was in and still am, I would recommend and I'm recommending to myself doing restful things versus having big outings two days in a row. Maybe, you know, I'm kind of what I think they call an ambivert, which is a mixture between an introvert and extrovert. I really am fed by people and being around groups of people and people's energy. And I need some alone time to recharge. So if you're in a state like what I was and you're similar to that, or even if you're more on the introverted side, knowing that you need that alone time and that recharging time before you can go out and be amongst people, even people you deeply love. I think is really important because it caused more stress for me in those days and I didn't feel rested being around all those people and then you know it was just having two big outings two days in a row it was still work even though I loved the people I think I needed one full day of rest and one full day or like partial day of socialization because of how go go go everything's been and because of the way I recharge. Okay, the second thing I'm going to start to try to actually let rest in during restful times or times off is to take extra care to have a luscious morning routine. So a lot of times when I know I'm in a high stress time or situation or trying time, I really bulk up my morning routine. This is something I've shared with you. I know that I'm going to need extra support when things are difficult. And so I bulk it up. Interestingly, when I'm on vacation, it gets incredibly minimal. Like I do a 5 to 15 minute meditation, if that, and that's it. Sometimes I even skip my meditations, which I really don't like to do. But I go a lot less because I figure, okay, well, life isn't coming at me as hard during this time, so I can just let it go. I have started to think, given my track record and how difficult I find it to actually take in rest, that during restful times, I might need my morning practice even more than I need it during stressful times. And I love that that rhymed too. Love a Dr. Seuss moment. Goodness. Yeah. But it's true. When you are in restful moments, you need to be able to calm the inner critic just as much, if not more, than when you're in stressful moments. And so because I kind of let go of my prayer practice and my journaling practice and moving my body in the morning, I think it left a lot more space for, what's the word, for like my default mode to go in, which my default mode is like this kick my own ass mode. What I needed during that time was to bulk up my morning routine, to have the journaling time, to have the quiet time with God, to go on a walk and do restful things to help quell the inner critic. I didn't do any of those things during that time. Especially journaling, like that gets a lot of the negative self-talk out or a lot of the anxiety out. And I really think that subtracting that morning routine from my life created an uptick in my old habits and anxieties. I also want to recommend to myself and to you to do restful things in the morning before looking at your phone, before having big conversations, before doing any task. You know, and that could mean for me, I'm thinking like a face mask, taking a leisurely walk. Just like spending three minutes breathing deeply, doing my special breath from the heavens into my body through my feet into the earth, telling my body, my soul, my spirit that you have the time and the ability today to take it easy by starting the day that way versus just bursting into the day unannounced to yourself. So yes, during this time, I think it's really important to have a luscious morning routine and to not think that just because you're in a time of rest, you don't need the extra support. And then number three, catch yourself in negative self-talk and redirect. So one thing I noticed that I didn't do was when I got into these shaming thought patterns of you should be working, what are you doing? You shouldn't be resting. This is bad. Feeling guilty about it. I just kept spiraling down, even though I was like seemingly having fun and talking to my family and whatever. I was in a spiral. And so Instead, what if every time you caught yourself in a shaming thought pattern, you stopped it in its tracks and didn't go down the road? I think that would have been helpful to me to question why it's happening, to talk back to it and let it know that you'll get to it. Like a lot of things is like, oh, my gosh, you have to write this. I have a friend that I told him I'd write him a review of his book that he's putting out. And it's like, oh, you haven't even like listened to the book yet. You know, it's an audio book. You haven't even listened to the book yet. You haven't done this for him. How are you going to get to time? It's like, okay, actually, I set aside time for that on Monday. So I'm not going to think about that right now. But instead, I just kept spiraling down. And then breathing into the area of your body where that holds that voice. Like for me right now, it's in my throat. You can even hear my throat is a little tired because I'm overtired. So it's in my throat. It's in my chest. And it's in my stomach. So really taking extra time to breathe in. to those areas that you know holds this particular stress for you. And it just creates a little bit more space and a little bit less pressure and holding and spiraling in those areas. Like I already feel better just doing that one breath and picturing it going into my neck, my chest, and my stomach. And also telling that voice, the inner critic that's telling you you need to be working so hard, that rest is your divine right and it's part of the creative process. Like I think what happens so often with these inner critic voices is we don't talk back to them. We just let them bully us and beat us down all day. And I think it's incredibly important to talk back to them and have an actual, if they're going to talk to you, don't let it just be a monologue, like have an actual conversation. Rest is my divine right. It's part of the creative process. And I'm doing this right now. Thank you for your input, but you're not welcome at this moment. So it's really important to not just let this negative self talk. take you for a ride to be completely in control, but rather realize like you have an ability to stop it in its tracks and to stop that process from devolving further. The fourth thing I'd recommend is starting to romanticize rest. So I know I do this, and I think we all have underestimated how much hustle culture lives in our bodies and subconscious mind. And I know I still have a negative view of resting. Like when I hear people take naps, I'm so sorry if you're a napper, but I just have to be honest. I'm like, oh my God, are you a baby? Because I never let myself take a nap. Like if I let myself lay down during the day, it's like a full on verbal assault of myself. Like I have such a negative view of rest. Like I know it's still in my subconscious. So one thing I really recognize this weekend is that I need to fully reprogram myself when it comes to rest and romanticize rest and really remind myself of everything that's good about it and that I am deserving of it, that it is a God given right and literal necessity for human beings. So some of the questions I'm starting to ask myself are, what are my favorite things about rest? What good do you know it does for you? What does it feel like in your body to really sit and rest and feel rested, not with a split conscious of I should be working, but just I'm savoring this rest. I'm so grateful for this rest. I feel it in my body, in my bones. What negative feelings do I have about rest and are they really true? So this... This is a call for us to repair our negative relationship with rest and start to make it a positive one, to romanticize it, to date rest and love up on it so it can love up on you. The fifth step, as so often is a step with anything creative or self-development, is speaking to your inner child. If your child, like let's say you have a kid or you have a niece in your life or a nephew that you really love, If that child came to you exhausted and burned out, would you yell at it and tell it how many things it still needed to do and that it cannot have a single day or moment off until everything is done? No. You would tell it, it's okay, honey. I understand you're feeling overwhelmed. Why don't you take a little nap? Why don't you sit down for 15 minutes? I implore you, and I implore myself, to talk to your inner child that way and tell it it's okay. It's okay. You're just overtired. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. It's all going to work out. Rest is your God-given right. You just need 15 minutes not thinking about the thing. Yeah. And just, I mean, listen to how different my voice sounds right now, just by talking to my and your inner child. It really changes your nervous system to speak to a younger version of yourself. I like picture it like combing through your soul, like before my soul, my spirit felt all knotted and matted and like just bound up and coiled up. And it's like when you finally get through that tangle when you're brushing your hair and you're able to just comb through and your hair looks silky and smooth and shiny. It's the same thing for your spirit when you talk to it with kindness and compassion. like you would a young child or like a younger version of yourself. So step five is definitely speaking to your inner child in those moments where you're starting to spiral out into negative self-talk about rest. And number six, probably the most important thing and the hardest thing for me to understand, it almost makes me want to cry just saying it, is make peace with the fact that nothing will ever be done. You could always do more. You could always be more. You could always share more. You could always have more. You could always give more. Sometimes allowing rest in is as simple as knowing you have a human capacity. There is only so much you can do. And sometimes enough really is enough. So if you're in a similar pattern to me where you take rest but feel unrested often due to the constant running to-do list, the voice of your inner drill sergeant, and or the internalized hustle culture, I offer these things to you. I want to repeat these things to you that I'm going to try that maybe you could try and see if it helps you. And they are, number one, know what sort of rest you need and get as much of that as you can. Number two, have a solid and luscious morning routine. Number three, Catch yourself in negative self-talk and redirect. Number four, start romanticizing rest. Number five, speak to your inner child. And number six, make peace with the fact that nothing will ever be done. make peace with the fact that nothing will ever be fully done. And that's part of life. And I end with this. I asked my Unleash Your Inner Creative broadcast channel on Instagram, what changes for you creatively when you take a break or a few days off versus when you just push through creatively, even though you're blocked? Alyssa said, not only do I enjoy the process more, but I've done some of my best work after allowing my brain to reset. Maria says, Suddenly, it starts flowing again. And that feels true. When I have fully rested and like in the moments in my life where I've actually been able to be present in rest, I've done some of my best work and most in flow work. And I think we need to know that that's really true. We should be able to take rest just because it's a birthright and it's not something that has to be earned. But if in this intermediate step, you need to do it because you know it's going to make you better creatively, maybe that's... incentive too. And I have to say, even though I didn't rest perfectly this weekend, or at least not in exactly the way I needed to, I still feel so much better than I did on Friday before I'd taken any time off. And progress is progress. And if I look at myself a few years ago compared to now, my mindset, habits, and worth in this way have shifted greatly. And I am still really proud of that. So I hope you're proud of your progress too. And that you remember rest is part of the creative process and part of life. We all deserve it just because we were born. So go get yours and find a way through these tips and through the tips that you bring to yourself to be more present in that rest. This podcast was hosted and executive produced by me, Lauren LaGrasso. Music is by Liz Full. For more information on me and the show, follow us at Lauren LaGrasso and at Unleash Your Inner Creative on social media. Also, feel free to join our Instagram broadcast channel, which can be found at Unleash Your Inner Creative. If you like what you heard today, especially if you like this episode, leave us a rating and review so we know you liked it. And feel free to offer up ideas about other topics and guests you'd like to hear me hit. Also, share the show with a friend. Podcasts are really spread person to person. And I'd love to have your friends and family in our creative community. I love you and I believe in you. Talk with you next week. Now go rest.
