Speaker #0Hello, my love. Welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso, and today I want to take a break from our usual brand of content to share my experience since the fires broke out in Los Angeles this week, and my experience as an LA resident and just a resident of the world and a creative, sensitive person. One of the best parts of having a podcast or any creative outlet is that it's a sort of diary and you get to share exactly where you were at when these big world and life events happened. And I was grateful that I was able to do that during the pandemic, during breakups, falling in love, all the good things and the really hard things. And this event is one of those things that I really want to share from where I am. A couple disclaimers before getting into it. Number one, This is such a raw and real time. We're still in the thick of things in LA. The fires are still raging. The Palisades fire and Eaton fire. Everyone's in a different place. I have been to this point incredibly lucky. Even the luckiest amongst us are experiencing some sort of trauma from this. And I don't think that's an overstatement of the word. But that said, I may say some things that are because of where I'm at. that I'm in the thick of things and I know I'm not going to say everything perfectly. So I just kind of want to apologize in advance if anything I say strikes you the wrong way or whatever. I'm doing my best and I'm just sharing from where I'm at and I know I have it good by far. The second thing is I am recording this from my cousin's backyard. I'll get to this, but I'm currently in San Diego with my cousin and her kids, just getting away from everything for a couple of days, getting some fresh air. and trying to figure out our next steps. We kind of wanted to evacuate before we were evacuated. Anyway, I'll get to that. But yeah, if you hear birds tweeting or, you know, just not my normal audio texture, that's why I'm reporting live from her yard. So what's happening and how it has affected me? So last Monday, as many of you know, the Santa Ana Whims picked up in L.A. and they raged through and... a huge fire started in the Pacific Palisades, which is significantly far away from my house. But it was just terrifying to see how quickly this fire was able to rip through an entire town. Shortly after that, I believe the Eaton fire started and it started getting really real. Obviously, like from the beginning, it was like, wow, what's happening? But when a dear friend of mine, like his wife lost her business. It basically burnt to the ground. People I know started posting like pictures of the fire encroaching upon their house. One of them is Zibby Owen. She's been in the podcast before. We've since found out that her house is safe, which is truly a miracle. But I guess like her entire neighborhood burnt down. So it was like quickly touching and affecting people I knew. And then a couple littler fires, but that were still like significant popped up. in my neighborhood like a day later, I believe it was Wednesday. So that day a fire popped up in the Hollywood Hills, which was about four and a half miles from my house. And then one popped up in Studio City, which was only about two miles from my house. So basically like all of last week, I, along with the entire city of Los Angeles, was living in this nightmare where you're every day checking this app called the Watch app and just seeing. if fire is encroaching upon your neighborhood. And what that looked like was every couple hours checking the app, constantly watching the local news, which by the way, shout out to our local news stations. They've done such a beautiful job reporting on this and like keeping people calm while keeping them informed. Like it's been cool because I feel like since I moved to LA, I haven't really watched the local news. Like I used to watch it a lot when I lived in Michigan. Maybe that was because my parents always had it on. But I've never really gotten to know my local news people. And just like a major shout out to KCAL. They have done such a beautiful job covering the fire. And I just feel like the local news coverage deserves a major shout out. So anyway, they've been in a lot of cases, like reporting on things really quickly. And they even were the ones that like made me officially feel safe when this next thing happened that I'll tell you about, which was some. Well, let me let me pause on that. I'm going to get to it eventually. But so anyway, like every single day watching the local news, watching the swatch app to see if the fire is coming into our neighborhood, checking in with friends, staying inside because the smoke is so bad. At one point, I think last week it got up to like the AQI, which is air quality index, a number I've gotten very acquainted with, which you all should to no matter where you live. But at one point it was up to like over 200. And. it's only considered safe when it's under 100, just to give you an idea. So just a lot. And when it was in our neighborhood, like the specific terror of knowing that these winds are still gusting and blowing. And if it if it just decides it wants to blow in our direction, our our whole neighborhood is potentially gone, evacuated, because that's how quickly these fires are spreading because of these things called the Santa Ana winds. And again, I'm no expert. There's lots of people who are reporting about the logistics i'm more trying to share the emotions from the point of view of somebody who's like been in the thick of things and still been like fairly okay considering also you may hear a baby crying that's my little cousin so just enjoy the ambience but um it's weird like even as i'm recording this i just feel so much guilt that i'm even having a hard time with it given the people i know who actually have lost everything like Thankfully, I don't know anyone who lost their life, but there are people I know who literally their house, you know, this guy went to high school with Alex Koch, like his house burnt to the ground. And it like it feels like weird and like guilt ridden and shame ridden to even have a feeling of like this has been scary or, you know, even like the listlessness I felt at times. And so I just want to call that out. There is that feeling in me of like. I don't know, like deep sorrow and also like weird numbness, but also shame over that. It's been really interesting to see the way like my body and emotions have reacted to it. And I have to say, I feel very uncomfortable recording this because I'm so confused by my feelings and even what's next and what's safe. Um, so just worth noting that if you hear any weirdness in my voice, it's because I genuinely feel confused and guilty and a little ashamed and also like sad and directionless. Yeah. So, so back to like what that last, last week was like for me, it was like every hour, every few minutes at certain points, checking these apps, seeing if the fire's coming. seeing like and on Wednesday genuinely it was coming for our condo so we were right in the middle of the Studio City fire and the one that was on Runyon Canyon thankfully due to a valiant effort both of those have been able to be put out but then they're also like I'm on the citizen app now and there are all these other little fires popping up around us so people were I mean they had to have been starting them like I don't think a dumpster fire can just start on its own there were literal reports of like dumpster fires so like There was like arson happening and just like thinking that that's even possible. And then what if the wind picks that up and brings it over that? There was one of those that happened at a Toyota dealership that's literally right up the street from us. And it was on one of the windiest nights. And so it's just kind of like living in constant terror. It felt like COVID, but if like... COVID could come into your house unannounced, even if you didn't invite somebody over, you know, like during that time of COVID, when you're so scared, like, if I touch the wrong thing, and then touch my mouth, am I going to get COVID like that, but picture that if like, the pathogen could come into your house and like would definitely take away potentially your life and everything you've worked so hard for in your community. And so that was a really weird feeling. Like, it's probably really It's like it's similar to being in a I would assume. Obviously, I'm very lucky that I've never had this experience, but being in a war zone, just not knowing if you can ever find somewhere that's safe. And even if you are in a safe place, like what if the air isn't safe? I mean, that's a big thing now. So they're saying this air quality index thing. It measures certain, you know, chemicals and pollutants in the air, but it doesn't measure flame retardant. It doesn't measure. asbestos. And so because all of these homes that have older insulation are burning, like some of the chemicals that are in the walls and in the insulation are now being put out into the air. And it's not necessarily something we can see. There's also limited information on how far those pollutants are even traveling. So if you're not in an active area, but you're close to an active area, are you still at risk? That's unclear. You know, I've seen some people say like we should be masking up to six months when we go outside. It's just really confusing and I'm having a hard time getting a handle on it. So if anybody listening knows information on that and they want to share it, I would deeply appreciate it. I'm doing some research too, so I'll keep you updated on what I find and like what I find from reliable sources. I've asked some friends who are in the know, some people who work in the news industry, but it's like basically... everywhere you look like you're trying to find somewhere that's safe and it doesn't feel like there's anywhere that's safe and that's like a really weird feeling and honestly like a feeling that I've been privileged enough living in the United States not not having to face and it's really like this has solidified for me how important it is when I say we need creative solutions to the world's problems this is what I'm talking about like what's happening right now It is climate change. We're watching it in action, playing out. And one thing I'm committed to on this show is I want to find people who are out in the world, solving the world's problems creatively, and bring them on the show to teach us how we can also take part in that. The first person I'm going to have on is one of Timmy's best friends, a genuinely amazing human being. His name is Patrick Murphy. He works in climate action. He does a lot of fundraising for halting climate change and making our environment better. And he's also getting his doctorate in this stuff. And so I'm going to have him on to talk about how climate change is playing out, how we can all get involved, and how we can creatively solve this problem together, because we are watching it right now. Obviously, there's a lot of things that contributed to the fire, but we are absolutely watching climate change play out in action. And it's terrifying. And I want to live in a world where I feel safe to breathe the air. And I think you do, too. And I know that you would want that for your children. And so that's just something that's on my mind and I'm thinking about. And again, this episode is going to be rambly. So just bear with me. I'm just basically this is like an audio diary stating how I feel and what's going on. Anyway, so last week was like, honestly, high stress every day. I was in the thick of things trying to figure it out, seeing what's going on. trying to figure out should we leave? Should we stay? Also, you've probably seen this a few times, but LA sent out like two or three false evacuation notices to the entire county. And so there were a couple moments where I really thought like we were going to have to evacuate by force. And this is when those two fires were coming closer to us. So I mean, I packed my go bag, I had that ready to go on Wednesday, and I was just, you know, holding on. And then toward the end of the week, by like Thursday. We had not been outside at all. We had just been like staying in with our air purifier on. I'm very sensitive to toxins. And I've got this gene, which if you don't haven't ever been tested for it, you should be. It's called the MTFHR gene. It makes it harder for your body to detox. And so if you smell a chemical that somebody who doesn't have this gene mutation smells, they may be fine. But for you, it might take like a lot. longer and you might have much harsher reactions to that. So I have to be really careful with what I put into my body and what I smell. And I was noticing toward the end of the week, I was getting headaches, really bad headaches, like dizziness, brain fog, sick to my stomach. I was getting pains in my chest. I think it was in part due to whatever is going on in the air and also due to just the emotions of it. I mean, imagine like waking up. every hour to check to see if you need to leave your house and behind everything that you know and have built over the past several years. And again, restating like, I am so lucky. I haven't even had to like I haven't had any forced evacuations, you know, so it's like, I get how lucky I have been. And if you're even a semi sensitive person around that trauma, ingesting, just like being in it yourself, trying to protect yourself and your little family, but also Seeing the sadness and like taking in the sadness of all your friends and people in your community who have lost so much and wondering also is the city ever going to be the same again. It's just like. a lot to handle. And so by Thursday, with all the stuff that was going on physically and emotionally, Timmy and I reached out to my cousin who lives here in San Diego. And we just asked, would it be okay if we came and stayed for the weekend? And she very generously said yes. Okay, this is a little punch and I'm doing because I, as I was editing this episode, realized I completely forgot to mention there was another fire that popped up the night before we left for San Diego. And we could see it from our rooftop. It was burning in like heading toward Encino, which is also pretty close to us. And you could literally see the flames spouting out. So it was just, it was to a point where like, it felt like everywhere we turned, there was potential fire. Yeah, it was everywhere. It felt like there was no escaping it. A friend of mine was displaced from that area where the fire was coming through. And he stayed with us that night before we left. So just a lot of... things were going on and it was it felt like it kept getting closer and closer and no matter what there was never going to be like in this period of time a reprieve from the stress of is this fire going to hit my house and as I record this Tuesday night there's literally another chance that the fires are going to pick up and the winds are picking up so I just popped in to say that and so ever since I taught my class on Saturday which by the way if you are going through anything Might I suggest spending two hours in pure creative flow? That totally changed my trajectory, calmed my nervous system, and put me in a place of service. I think just in general, like giving back in the way you can, and I want to get into that into the different ways that we can help. But doing anything of service, and that also puts you in creative flow when you're in a state like this. That's what gets you through. And so I want to thank everybody who attended the class or who got the replay. It was awesome. Something I definitely want to do and I probably want to do something specifically relating to the fire. I'm still putting together my ideas and like kind of calming my nervous system down while we're here. But I want to do something about turning your pain into purpose, making creative solutions to the world's problems. So I want to put together a workshop for that. And I think I want the proceeds of that to go toward. the fire relief and helping people rebuild. So stay tuned for that. And I'll keep you updated. But yeah, I do in general want to do more of those courses moving forward. But Saturday, I did the course. And then we packed up like all the valuables. And by valuables, I mean like every piece of important paper that anyone's given to me. And by important paper, I mean like a... poem that Timmy wrote me and a Christmas card that my grandpa gave me. You know, I've collected like a shoebox worth of all these important sentimental things that people that I love and care about have given to me over the years. So it's really interesting. It might be a good exercise for you, even if you're not in an area like this, to pack your go bag, to see what it is that you actually deem valuable enough. to take with you in a time of calamity and emergency? What would make the cut? And it was really clarifying to see it's not that much. Like the things that you actually think are important enough to take with you, it's not that much. We collect so many things and at the end of the day, the things that truly matter are very limited. can probably fit in the back of your car. And that's what I found. The things I was taking were like my computer and some hard drives, my podcasting equipment, my Webby awards, these beautiful letters that people had written to me over the years, some journals, and just clothes to wear for like the next week. And that was basically it. And so I highly recommend doing this exercise because it is very clarifying as to what matters. And I, as I was walking out the house, and I've heard other people say something very similar. I was like, as long as we make it back here, as long as our place is still standing, I'm going to do a major overhaul when we get back in because I recognize how many things I have that I don't need. And I just want to have less things and more, more space to create. And so this whole situation has been very clarifying when it comes to that. And I highly recommend whether or not you're in an area of emergency, pack a literal go bag and see what you would actually put in it. And also, even if you don't want to go through that exercise because it feels too intense, at least note in your house. Like, where are the things you want to take? Okay, I want to take this box of pictures and that memory book and whatever it is. Like, looking around your house and at least having areas where you know you would pull from quickly. Because the saddest thing is, like, a lot of people in the Palisades, where some of the worst fires have been, didn't even get the opportunity to go home. Or if they did, it was like one, two, three. Like, it was just such a, it would have, it spread so fast. It ripped through the town so fast. That they were barely able to like grab anything, if anything at all. Think about that. And I hate that we have to think about that. But that's why I want to do this climate change episode, because we should at least try to control the things that we can control and we can make different choices when it comes to how we treat our Earth and each other. So for the moment, we are in San Diego. We're trying to figure out what to do next. I'm trying to get a clear answer on how the air actually is in the specific area where we live. So as soon as I have any information, definitive information on that, we'll be making our next choice. Our tentative plan right now is to be in San Diego through the end of the week, then go back to L.A. and then decide what we're going to do next. The air is as bad as some of like the very crunchy people I follow are saying, like some of the holistic doctors and also just some like normal people who are like these things that they're releasing can't be good and it's not quantified in the AQI. We are thinking about potentially going back to Detroit. And just trying to be there until the air settles down, staying with my parents. I mean, that's basically our idea right now. That or we could potentially, you know, we would have to see if budget could work, but like rent a place in San Diego or somewhere close by. I'm not sure. But our short term plan is like staying here roughly through the end of the week, going back to L.A. and reassessing. Again, we're a lot luckier than most. But it's just crazy. It's crazy when you think that like the place you've lived and spent the last 13, 13 and a half almost years of your life is never going to be the same. And that's what's going on. And it's, it's just, it's so weird. I also want to say something like circling back to the feelings of guilt, stress, despair, and numbness. Everybody handles a crisis different. Some people fight, some people flight, some people freeze, and some people do a hybrid. And there are different ways to be a helper. And I've seen a lot of people, and myself included, commenting about how they feel bad that they haven't been more on the ground, like pooling resources and gathering tools for the community and actually being in some of these danger zones and helping people. I just want to say there's a lot of different ways to be a helper, and they all matter. You can be somebody who's on the ground and bringing resources to people who need them. You can be a fundraiser. You can be an information disseminator. You can be an emotional helper. You can be a helper within your small community, just within your neighborhood and your friends and family. You can be a helper by healing yourself and soothing your own nervous system so that when you get through this time, you're going to be able to help in the aftermath. I just don't want you to feel bad too if you have to take care of yourself first because nobody was ever that helpful long-term. with a wound up nervous system and living in constant anxiety and distress. And so just take care of yourself first. Literally put on your air mask first. Two on the nose, but it's true. Because everybody has a role to play. And I think I've been feeling guilty because a lot of my friends have been doing like these pickups and like fundraising and going out and bringing resources to the community. And I've... donated to a few things like that, but I haven't been on the ground doing that. And what I really realized about myself, like just the way I am in life, I'm more of an emotional helper. Like that's who I am. And so what I am realizing I can do is these workshops where we deal with our emotions and turn our pain into purpose and create something in the world to help. There's just lots of different ways that you can better a situation and don't feel bad. if the way you do it isn't the most visible way even. Also, there's probably plenty of people who are helping who aren't putting it online. And there's nothing wrong with putting it online. I know in particular, my friends who are doing it are doing it so that they can generate more funds. But it's okay to silently help too. It's okay to help from afar if you need to get away for your own mental health. There are lots of ways that we can be a part of solutions. to the world's problems and it really starts with healing yourself and going especially within a issue as big as what's going on in LA starting with your own small community and then going out um so Yeah, I'm really with you if you're feeling bad about like not helping in the way that you think you should be or that is most apparent. Just know that there's no right way to respond to trauma and to seeing your entire city burn. And everybody's doing their best. And this is very new. I mean, it's only been happening for less than a week now as I record. So just take care of yourself. And. Be a helper in the way you can. Like I mentioned, there's lots of ways. On the ground, collecting things and giving them to people in need, disseminating information, fundraising, being an emotional helper, being a teacher in whatever way you're a teacher, giving resources that are not tangible, helping within your small community, within your neighborhood, and even just healing yourself and being stable for your individual family. Like these are all ways to help the collective. So I love you. And whatever way you're helping is beautiful. Anyway, I just want to say it has been beautiful on the on the word of helpers. It's been beautiful to see how much people have stood up for each other, been there for each other, helped each other, even with things as drastic as helping put out the fire in their own neighborhood. There's a lot of different things to talk about. I produce an episode of We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle with Jessica Yellen yesterday. And they talk about some of the more newsy stuff like There has been stuff about like the leadership in the area. I'm going to let you listen to people who actually report the news about that. I don't know enough about it to comment on. But yeah, one thing that is abundantly clear from this past week is how beautiful the spirits of the people of LA are and how much a community can band together when the worst happens. But I just want everyone to also think about how this is not happening. in a silo. LA is all of us. And basically, if we don't start taking care of our earth, I really see what's to come. And it's not good. So one thing I want to impart on all of us is climate change is real. And it is here. It's not like in the distant future. It's here. And this is the time for creative solutions to the world's problems. So start putting your thinking hats on and ask, how can I use my creativity? How can I use my genius to help band together with others and start solving some of these big world issues, whether it's climate change, whether it's human rights, whether it's peace relations, whatever it is, how can you be the change with your talent, your particular talent and ability and help the world start to heal because the world needs to heal. Things are wacky right now. And we need each other and we need our creativity and we need you. So thank you for listening. I know there was a lot of rambling. I just wanted to share from where I am. It's been a crazy time. I'm still feeling like a little numb and weird and guilty, but also super grateful and spending this time with my cousin and her husband and her amazing kids. And obviously Timmy has been. a beautiful moment in the midst of a weird and uncertain time. And also, I guess I just want to add this to like, I'm feeling like weird guilt about like, not moving forward more with some of my career plans. But I'm like, it feels so pointless. Like, why? Why? Like, I guess when you're in the middle of a crisis, even if you're not directly in the crisis, even if you're observing it from afar, it's like, does Does it matter what I'm doing when there's people who are literally losing everything they have and our city is just in such peril? And that's a question I think I'm still asking. I know it does matter, but right now, I don't know if anything unrelated to the fire is of service. Like maybe helping people like. work through it if there was some sort of content I was doing helping people work through it but like it's a genuine question I'm asking and I wonder if I could pose it to you like what do you think is helpful during moments of statewide citywide national international crisis like do we spend all our time focusing on it and solving it or do we spend some time in levity or giving other tools like I don't exactly know the answer I know some of our time in our creative energy absolutely needs to go toward solving these issues. But yeah, that's just a question I have and I would love your thoughts on. How do you create with sensitivity, empathy? and love during a crisis? And what is the right thing to share? What is helpful? What is not helpful? Is there some room for things that are escapism? Or do we need to just focus on what's going on? Not sure what the answer is there. I also just don't feel compelled to right now. I'm just like, I don't feel like there's anything that is so valuable that I need to share it in the midst of like people who are actually disseminating important information about this. I'm sure that will, you know, evolve as this goes on. But just a thought and a question I have. Anyway. Please keep Los Angeles in your prayers. Please pray for the city and the humans living in it and obviously all the animals too, for all of our protection. If you can hold a good thought for Timmy and me as we navigate these next few weeks, probably at least, I would really appreciate it. If you have any advice or thoughts, please let me know. I love you and I believe in you. Please stay safe out there. Talk with you next week.
