Speaker #0Hello and welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso and I'm coming to you live from motherhood. This is my first recording I've done since I've had my baby. I'm actually sitting in his nursery right now in our awesome rocking chair. Rocking chair is selling it short. It's a rocker, but it's got back support, honey, and it's got a cushion. Okay, this is not your grandmother's rocking chair. Yeah, wow. What a change has happened. Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I don't have a baby in my womb anymore, but that's really the least of it. I wanted to pop on here because I've been doing best ofs and I'm actually not even recording video. I'm really kicking it old school today. Just me, you and a mic. And it is... Super incredible. I want to do an actual long episode. I think today I'm probably just going to pop in for like five minutes and just chat with you. I don't have anything planned, but I don't have the words. I don't have the words. All I can say, and for any mothers listening, you get it. Something is changing within me. I am becoming the new version of myself right now. They call it matrescence. And basically, The idea of it is when you have a baby, you go through a second adolescence where you embrace the next level of your life, of your womanhood, and the old identity. Some of it comes along, but a lot of it evaporates and you level up into this new version of yourself. Some people, I think, when this happens, feel as if they're losing themselves. I do not feel that. I feel like I'm finding myself and finding the new version of myself. In fact, I refuse to lose myself in motherhood, and I'm deeply committed to finding myself. And especially in the last couple of weeks, as I become more confident, as I get to know my baby better, as I really feel into this, I see this different person, deeper, funnier, more loving, more creative, emerging, more patient. I mean, The most interesting thing so far is how motherhood puts every single wound, every flaw, and every single beauty under this microscope and is like, hey, look at this. Don't ignore it. It's coming up. And so I want to do all kinds of content, writing, you know, social media, on the podcast where I go into that. But I also feel something changing within me. You know, I think maybe when I was younger, I would watch people become parents and see how everything shifted toward talking about being a parent. And I can see how if you're not a parent, or you have no desire to be one, how that would be like, oh, man, they're like, just talking about being a mom, or they're just talking about being a dad. It's so hard when you go through the most interesting thing you've ever done to not talk about it. Like the most interesting, most transformative thing. And I'm feeling myself like, I think something is going to emerge that's at the center of creativity and motherhood. But I don't know yet. Maybe it will keep the show will keep going in the way that it has. Maybe it will shift. Maybe I'll create a whole different show. I don't know. But like, new things want to emerge from me that have to do with this phase I'm in. And it feels easy in a way that creativity hasn't in a long time because it's so obviously inspiring. It's so, it's like, I have to talk about it. If I don't talk about it, I might combust. And I feel like there's a hunger from other parents, certainly, definitely from other mothers to talk about it in a different way, in a more open way, in a more creative way than we've been able to before. You know, something that keeps coming to mind, I think we've heard it for women, women are humans too. Mothers are humans too. No mother is ever just a mother. And by the way, Like giving birth. I'm going to do a whole episode about that, honey. That was the most powerful day of my life. Most powerful day of my life. Not only because I met my son, but because I met myself. So all that's to say, I'm giving you all the little tingly thoughts I've been having, but I've been keeping a running list of all of the things I want to talk about. But truly, something I've talked about a lot on the show is being a multi-passionate creative and how amazing it is to have all these different passions and do all these things. This really, this past two months is the very first time in my whole life, because even when you're a kid in school, you're in different subjects. This is the very first time in my whole life I've been singularly focused. My every thought, goal, desire has been to help my little guy, my Leo, Leonardo Michael LaGrasso, blew it, become more human, to know the world is safe, to feel loved, to know that he is cherished and that he is good as he is, that he was born perfect. We're all born perfect. and also to learn his cues to learn how to help him, to learn that babies make sense. They're little people. I read something the other day that was like, a lot of times people talk about parenting through the lens of like, how a kid could be a better adult. But kids are really good at being kids. And they're giving you cues that if you can put it into context for yourself, make sense. Like when a baby cries because they're uncomfortable, that's the only way they have to communicate. Breastfeeding also is a whole thing I want to do a topic about. But when he's at the breast and like upset, because this is something I didn't know could happen. I thought breastfeeding was like this peaceful, like, oh, like we're going to commune with the Holy Spirit and it's going to be this beautiful experience. Sometimes it is. But sometimes he freaks out at the breast. But there's a reason for that. He's had all these digestive issues and he's had this thing called torticollis, which is tension on one side of your neck. So anyway, like he's freaking out when he's freaking out because. He's trying to tell me something. Yeah. And I just think, yeah, like babies, they can't lie. They're so intentional. Like they're trying to communicate a need to you. And once I realized that, like the first couple of weeks, there were a lot of things going on. I just did a whole Instagram post about it. But part of why they were so hard for me was I thought every time he cried, I had failed. And what I came to realize is every time he cries, he's trying to tell me what he needs. He's trying to communicate who he is. That's his only way he can talk with me. at least in the first couple of weeks. Now he's like doing these cute little coos and babbles. He wants to talk so bad. I swear to God, a couple times, he said something that sounded like a word. I was talking to my friend, Lauren, not myself, the other day. And I was leaving her a voice memo. And I was like, say hi, Leo. And he's like, I'm sorry. He talked. He at least like mimicked my sound, which was amazing. So anyway. babies have intellect. And like the reason why that first couple of weeks were so hard was because I have realized how hard I am on myself. And so this has been a huge call to healing, a huge call to being more patient, being more compassionate with myself and with others. And I'm really excited to see where it goes. But yeah, I don't know, like something is shifting in me. I wanted to, I was just going to share another rerun this week because to be quite frank. Yesterday, I didn't even realize it was Thursday. Starting next week, I'm going to be like doing a few things again. So I'll be starting to re-air the podcast at least by the end of the month. Thank you for your patience and, you know, hearing these best ofs. I've forgotten about them. So I'm sure you've forgotten about them. And it's probably been good to like, hear some of these old episodes and, and see if they resonate in a different way now, or if you're a new listener to hear them for the first time. But anyway. Those are just some random thoughts from where I'm at. And long story short, I'm in awe of women. I'm in awe of mothers. What our bodies can do, what our minds and our hearts can do. It's really amazing. And we should all just be lifting each other up. There should be no like she's doing it wrong. Unless someone's actually doing something wrong. Like if they're treating their child poorly, then yeah, call them out. But I don't know. I just think moms are the most... unbelievable creatures on earth. We are portals for life. And yeah, again, after giving birth, I'm like, it's truly wild that the patriarchy has tried to convince us that God is a man. Again, I don't think God is man or woman, but if God was to have a gender, wouldn't it be the one that holds and pushes life out into the world? The woman. And I've just never felt more connected. to God, more connected to myself, more connected to my husband, my baby. It was truly magical giving birth. I actually loved it. And also, if you're pregnant or thinking of getting pregnant, don't think it has to be horrible. I mean, don't get me wrong, it hurt. And I have a whole story about how it hurt. But it was truly incredible. If it wasn't so physically demanding, I would give birth again next week if I could, because... I've just never been more sure of how capable I am as a human being. I feel like now I can do anything. Yeah. Lots to think about. Lots on the mind. I have so many essays I want to write, so many songs. I want to write a whole song about motherhood and postpartum. That's the other reason why we need people who are not 21. Now, we need the 21-year-olds too, because that's a phase of life. But we don't need all 21-year-olds writing the popular music of today. We need some of the popular music of today to be from people who've experienced the things that we are experiencing. It shouldn't just be that we're re-listening to the songs of our youth. That's great. But don't you want to hear a song that's about... where you're at right now. When I was in the throes of the hardest part of breastfeeding, all I wanted to do was listen to a song about how hard it was. So I started writing one. And I cannot wait to share that with you. And I can't wait to create a whole album around this time and to create children's music because that has been one of the greatest creative joys has been making up songs for my son. And some of them, not going to lie, are bops. So I want to write a whole album of children's music. there is so much creativity flowing through my veins right now. I just don't have the time to do all of it at once. That is what this also has shown me is like, if you can focus your energy on one or two things at once, you actually can get more work done. So I'm going to consider that. Might take it into account, might not in my next phase. But anyway, I'm getting, I'm really looking forward to getting back to coaching clients. I'm looking forward to getting back. to sharing more frequently, but it has been so vitally important to be singularly focused during this time. And I'm feeling blessed that I am in my entrepreneurship journey and I get to continue to make my own schedule and build it around my son. That was a huge thought and why I wanted to become an entrepreneur because corporate America doesn't, I mean, I worked for a company that was pretty supportive, but like corporate America in general doesn't really support a mother and it's too rigid. to be able to be completely flexible. So I'm so grateful now that I can make my own schedule, work from home for the most part, except when I'm speaking or performing. I don't know. A lot has changed. A lot is changing. I'm going to leave you with this. This really interesting thing that happened the other day. I've been on the phone with a lot of insurance companies because, well, when you get pregnant, there's a lot to deal with. And when you have a baby, there's a lot to deal with. I also have a story that I will tell about how I got I unceremoniously and wrongfully kicked off my insurance at two weeks postpartum because of computer glitch. So anyway, that was horrible. It was me, my husband and my baby all got evicted from the insurance because of a computer error. Anyway, so I've been on the phone with a lot of insurance companies and I was talking to this lady the other day and she was a mom of three. And she was only 30 years old. And I was like, Oh my gosh, you're amazing. Like, I don't know how you did it. I'm 37. I couldn't have done it a day before I turned, you know, 36 and three quarters, which is when I got pregnant. And I said this thing and it was almost like, do you ever say something? You're like, wait, what? It was like a message from something else, like from God or from my spirit guides. And it came flooding out of my mouth. And I said, because I was building her up and telling her how amazing she was, because I really believe it. And I said to her, you know, It is my mission in life now to make every mom feel empowered. And I was like, what? Where did that come from? But I really feel it so deeply. Even before I gave birth, a couple of the clients I've been working with are stay-at-home moms or were stay-at-home moms. Some of them were explaining to me how they felt some level of pain or even worthlessness because they hadn't been able to like go out into the world and make large sums of money. But after experiencing what I experienced postpartum, if you're a mom, I just want you to know and you feel like you haven't done what you wanted to do in your career. You've already done the hardest thing. I've worked really hard jobs. I've worked 18 hours. I have subsided on very little sleep. I've pulled plenty of all-nighters in my life. There is nothing I have done to this point that has been more difficult, especially than early motherhood. Those first two weeks, I scraped by and I don't know how I would have done it without my parents who are here and my husband. One of the people I was coaching had five kids. I'm like, you've already done the hardest thing. Doing a podcast, creating your creative project, it's going to be a cakewalk for you. You've already helped lives come into the world and grow and thrive and managed a household. Whatever you're going to do in the creative arena or in the career arena, is going to be cake. So I don't know. I just feel really strongly about helping moms, especially, figure out what they want for themselves and what their... greatest passion and gift is and how to shine that light out into the world and give to themselves what they've so beautifully given to others. So something's happening there. And I think that's going to become a thing. But the cool thing about this time is I'm kind of just letting this stuff take shape. There's been no other era of my life where I've not been like, Oh, what am I going to do? What's going on? And don't get me wrong. I've had a few moments like that. But the you difference in this Lauren 2.0 that's happening is I'm letting it simmer and figure out what kind of soup it wants to be. And I have so many ideas and I'm so excited, but I'm not rushing it. For the first time in my life, I'm not rushing because I can't rush. I'm really learning patience for the first time. I'm learning self-compassion for the first time. I'm learning presence for the first time because I have to have it. If I don't, I won't be as good of a mom. I'm going to miss this time. And I'm going to be miserable because I'm going to be beating myself up for not being perfect. So yeah, I'd say it's been a pretty big time of evolution and growth and beauty. And I love this guy so much, my son. He's the best. He's like the greatest. I just, every day when I'm hanging out with him, I just look at him and I'm like, I can't believe I get to have him. My biggest dream my whole life was to have a baby and I'm like I can't believe I did it. Like we did it. We have this beautiful, perfect child and I feel so blessed. So anyway, I can't believe I started this podcast when I was 30 and now I'm 37 and I have a kid and a husband and a condo and a business and I might be reinventing myself or life might be reinventing me. But, um. I'm just so excited for it all. And I'm grateful that you've been along for the ride with me. And I hope no matter where you are, if you're a parent, if you're single by choice, if you're in the middle of a reinvention yourself, whatever it is that you're going through, I hope that you can give yourself this same grace that I am finding slowly, but surely. I definitely have days where I beat myself up, but this patience, this self-compassion, this presence, is changing my life. And I just, I wish that for everyone. I wish I could have found it before having a kid because it probably would have made me a better mother from day one. But I'm so excited I'm finding it now. It's been the missing link. And honestly, faith, faith that hard things won't last forever and good things won't last forever. So you got to be present with both of them and just appreciate them when they're here for the good things and know you have the fortitude. to get through the hard things and that there's usually an answer for them. Like unless you're in the middle of a war-torn country, typically you have some level of control if you have a certain level of intelligence and support. So anyway, those are my inner thoughts. Those are my ramblings. Oh my God, I looked down and I thought that I wasn't recording and I freaked out because I'm like, oh my God, I do think I've been recording too loud. Whoops. Oh well. What am I going to do? Hopefully it wasn't peaking, but I appreciate you. Thank you for joining the podcast. If you like what you heard and you have any thoughts about this new era, good or bad, feel free to leave me a review. I would love to hear what you think. I also would love to hear what kind of content you want to hear from me in this new era. It's not going to be, so long as I'm doing this podcast, it's not going to be all mom content, but some of it's going to be because that's such a huge part of my life now. And I do. because I have this rich producing background want to make shows specifically in the parenting and motherhood space because I just feel called to. So I think you'll probably be seeing some of that from me, whether it's my own show or producing for other people. And yeah, I'm still available for coaching. I would love to coach you, especially if you're in the middle of a reinvention. You can feel free to reach out to me at lauren.lagrasso at gmail.com or go to my website, laurenlagrasso.com. and reach out on the contact page. We can do a free 15 minute discovery call, talk about what you need and how I can help you with creativity coaching, podcast coaching and consulting. Would love to be part of your journey. But anyway, thanks for joining me. I'm going to go back to rocking on this chair and in my son's nursery. And I hope that wherever you are today, you can have a little bit more compassion for yourself. It really is a game changer. Okay. I love you and I believe in you. I'll talk with you soon.
