Speaker #0Hey, creative. Have you ever been weeks out from releasing a creative project and feeling everything? All the self-doubt, excitement, ego evolution, and pride that comes with once again taking a chance on yourself and putting yourself out there in this way. If you're in that phase right now, you are not alone. I'm right in there with you. I'm putting out a new song, and I'm feeling it all. And today we're going to talk to how to get through it, how to acknowledge the pain and the good feelings and Get back to the place where you're in the joy of creating. Welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I'm a Webby Award-winning podcast host and producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. This show sits at the intersection of mental health, spirituality, and self-development, and it is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your right to creativity and pursue whatever it is that's on your heart. To be honest with you, I don't know if today is going to be a mini-sode, a midi-sode, or a maxi-sode. I am just going to trust whatever comes out and kind of treat this like a diary. What I hope is a very helpful diary to you. And so yeah, let's just get into it. As some of you may know, on October 11th, I am putting out my cover of Genie in a Bottle. So please pre-save it. It's at the link in my bio or in the show notes. You can get it there too. Pre-saving really helps if you don't know. helps artists potentially get on charts and just bring more visibility to the song. But with that said, this is the first time I've released a song in three years, and I am feeling really vulnerable about it. I'm super excited. I did an episode where I talked about how I decided to put it out because somebody came on Glennon Doyle's show, a podcast I produce, and said, if you were to die right now, what kind of life could you live that would make it dignified? I'm butchering the quote, but it was something like that. And I realized that it would make me so sad because if I were to die right now, I would never get to enjoy my music being out there in the world. So I'm putting it out because, you know, we're all terminal and I want to enjoy my music being out there with everybody else while in this body. And because I realize I can't come on this show every week and be like, creativity is your birthright. Go after it. There's joy in just creating. Who you are is the best thing about you and not be in the arena with you. Like, while yes, I am unleashing my inner creative by doing the show every week and by showing up on socials and by producing and lots of other things, the deepest, truest part of who I am as a creative is in my music. It's the most precious thing to me. And I think... I took a break for a while because I was in love and like I was just enjoying being a person. And then it got to a point where I was dragging my feet because I was so deep in the pressure of this has to be perfect because of how I felt things went last time, because of my ultimate dreams for my music and for my songs. And so I dragged my feet on it. And now I'm to the point where I'm happy to release it. But I'm still feeling some of those emotions of the pressures that I was putting on myself when I was not putting the song out. And so, yeah, I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. And I was like, oh, I wonder why I've been more emotional. I wonder why. And then I realized this morning as I was doing morning pages, because I've been doing that practice again since I've been feeling really up and down lately. I understand now that a big part of this upheaval I'm feeling emotionally is in putting this song out. out and the level of vulnerability that comes with releasing a creative project into the world. So in case that's you, or it's going to be you soon, or it's been you recently, I want to talk about how to come at your creative project, your release, from a place of self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love as you go through the process of releasing and promoting whatever it is that is your project. The first thing I want to mention is I tried to record this podcast a bunch of times. It was actually not going to be this podcast. It was going to be something different. And I was so blocked and I was hating every second of recording. I did one yesterday, which actually ultimately will be a great show, but like when I want to do it about how to make small steps that turn into major leaps. But I just felt like such a fraud the whole time I was doing it. And so if you listening right now are feeling blocked. You can always try all the unblocking techniques, but consider that potentially you are feeling blocked because you're blocking yourself from doing the thing you really want to do, which in my case was coming on, doing more of a, probably this is going to be long form. I've already gone almost six minutes, but doing more of a long form chat with you than like coming on and being like, here's five tips you need to get through your day. And, you know, I love those sometimes and I think they're super helpful and wonderful, but it just wasn't authentic to who I was in that moment. So if you are blocked right now, ask yourself, is there some sort of creativity you'd rather be doing? Is there some sort of deeper story that you're blocking yourself from telling? Is there some sort of bigger dream that you're blocking yourself from going toward because you feel like you shouldn't or this other thing would be easier or, you know, whatever it is? I think sometimes when we're blocked, it's because we're blocking something that's deeper that is dying to come out and won't stop shouting at us until we stop distracting ourselves with the other little things in our direct vision and go into that deeper desire and wish. So that's number one. But getting back to the topic at hand, which is the vulnerability of putting out a creative project, especially when it's not the first time you've done it, when it's the second time around, and maybe the first time. didn't go the way you thought it would, whatever that means to you. The first thing is telling somebody your dream is scary. As much as I'm an advocate for it, it is so vulnerable to tell somebody what you want because then they know. And while that's wonderful and I've really seen how when you tell somebody what you want, they can co-create with you and help you achieve your dreams. It's also scary because then if you don't get that thing that you want. It can feel embarrassing. It can feel like, oh gosh, I wish I wouldn't have told anyone because now they know that I didn't get where I wanted to go. Well, also, most people aren't thinking that way. Most people are like, good on you for keeping on going after it. But the self-critical voice and the self-judgmental voice in us always, at least mine does, always tends to think that way. It's like, what will people think if this doesn't go the way you want? And It can really make you start to even talk yourself out of telling anybody that you're doing the thing. I don't know. I did this thing like a couple of weeks ago on TikTok because I haven't been able to grow my TikTok following the way I want to. If you're on TikTok, please follow me at Lauren LaGrasso. I think I put out a lot of great content there. But I mean, I think there's a lot of things going on. I think it's in part due to the fact that I haven't done one thing, of course. Like I'm a multi-passionate creative, so I don't want to be seen as just... one thing, but that's really what works on TikTok and anywhere when you're building a business. It's hard to be seen as like 15 things at once, even if it's true. So whatever. But I did this thing on TikTok and I felt so embarrassed. But I also was like, I need to say what I want, which is that I'm trying to get a thousand followers on there so that I can go live. I have a humble dream. I want to be able to go live with video. And I want to be able to put a link in my bio so people can easily pre-save my song. And much to my surprise, when I did that, I felt so icky after. And this is a good note. Doing the thing that's actually correct for you doesn't always feel good, okay? I did this. I was like, can somebody please tell me what's going on in here? Can you tell me, like, what can I do to grow my following? My friend Judd, who has been on the show, he's an amazing musician. Check him out. He's Judd Harris and he's got great, great music. And he's really found a way to grow on TikTok. He reposted my video with a little intro and was like, hey, everybody, I want everybody to go over and follow Lauren. She's doing amazing things. And so I instantly saw that like when you share your dream, people who are for you will come on and like share that dream with you and help lift you up. And I mean, at worst, like maybe somebody is like. Like, oh, I feel bad for her. She can't figure out how to grow her TikTok. But the thing that I noticed was he did that. And then my friend Latoya, Latoya Cooper, who's also been on the show, she had me on her TikTok live, was pushing people to follow me. And so when I said that dream out loud, people resonated with me and helped me do it. But still the process of doing that, I don't know where that comes from. I don't know if it's just because I have. You know, I don't know how much I've talked about this on the show, but I've had like people who are supposed to be mentors in my life. who discouraged me when I said what I wanted to do. And I get that there's a time and place to do certain things. But again, if we don't tell anyone our dreams, how are they going to happen? But because I've had such like shaming things happen around that, sometimes I'm still really insecure to tell people like directly what I want. And so when you're putting out a project, I think it's really important for you to think about how can I be direct in a way that's authentic for me. when it hasn't been historically easy for me to ask for what I want, especially after disappointment. And I do think like you have to balance it. You don't want to be so vulnerable that you have a vulnerability hangover after and you feel gross. Although I did and it still worked out for me. So maybe that's a lesson here. Like if you say it, people will help. But also like finding a way, like just picture this. Okay. If someone like me, for example, If I was saying to you, it's my dream, because this is true, okay? I feel like vulnerable saying this. I almost want to cry just saying it. But it's my dream with this song to get 10,000 listens on it, you know, on Spotify. I've never had that before. The most one of my songs has gotten is like around 7,000 or 8,000. And I'm really scared to say it because I just feel like... It's going to be embarrassing if it doesn't happen. But I also know if I don't proclaim it, it's definitely not going to happen. And if I don't share my dream with people I trust, which is you, my sweet creative cutie, then it can't grow. It can't flourish. Like, I often think about, like, if people understood how badly any of us wanted anything. They would take the time. And, you know, most of the time, like to make a dream come true, it's such a small thing. Like pre-saving a song takes less than five minutes. And I don't think most people understand what a big difference small actions make when somebody's going after something that is so deep in their heart and in their desire. And so I'm sharing this with you in hopes that you will also boldly and directly share. what your dream is with other people. If there's something on your heart, there's something that's been calling to you, especially if there's something that you haven't been able to achieve yet that you deeply, deeply desire and that aligns with your creative path, tell someone. It's so hard. I mean, as you're hearing from me, I'm struggling with a bundle of emotions. And I also don't want to be the one that shuts the door on myself. I'm done with doing that. I have done that so many times and I'm done. And so if you have a dream on your heart today, I want you to join me in being done with the one that says no to you. Okay? I recently sent an email to someone who's been a mentor to me, but has helped me a little bit, but kind of always put me off. They're a person who, and I love this person. If you're listening, love you. But like they were in the music industry, huge in the music industry. then retired. But like, I know they still have contacts in music and they've been, for lack of a better word, a little stingy with it. I don't know what it is. I think that they just like are out of it and want to stay out of it, which I understand. But I am not at the point anymore. And this is like a long, this is someone like a family friend. Okay. They've been in my access for a long time. My mom has known this person for years and years and years. They randomly reached out to me. I asked for advice on my upcoming song. They gave me advice that I felt was kind of a cop out, but you know, it was nice. It was still good advice, but it wasn't what I was asking for. And so I just said like directly, I'm like, listen, this is what I need at this stage of my life. I'm really trying to get this song on in movies and TV because I know it has the potential for that. I have to like directly ask, can you please like think about if there's any person literally any person you know who could help me. Or if you don't, if you can't think of anyone, even any company I could reach out for to independently. Like I said to him, I'm like, I know it's a long shot, but it's one I'm willing to take. And I don't mind if I miss, but I need to take this for myself. And so whatever this person says, I have no control over that. But what I am so proud of in this moment is that I very clearly stated what I want. and asked for this person's help. And I've been doing that lately with everybody. Like every single person I talk to who has a connection to music, even when it feels uncomfortable to me, even when I'm like, oh God, I don't want to bother them. I'm like... How do you think I could get this song in film and TV? And I've been, you know, pleasantly surprised that every single person has an idea. Like every person that I've asked that has some knowledge of music, has some knowledge of how to do these kinds of things, has ideas on how I can get it in. So again, I'm not saying that's going to be easy. You're still going to have to go through all the stuff I'm going through. You're still going to cry probably. You're still going to like try to mentally talk yourself out of it. But just remember, like if there's one takeaway from this episode, do not be the one to close the door on yourself and your own creativity and your own dreams. The world will have no problem doing that, but you can't do it to yourself. You have to be your own best advocate. Think of the little kid. Think of like, if myself as a three-year-old said, can you help me with this? I would never say no. And so... Think of yourself that way. Like if you can't do it for the person you are now, do it for the younger person. Whenever this dream first ignited in your heart, like go back to that excitement and do it for them. Don't think about all the disappointment that's happened in between then and now. Think of that little self and try to channel their excitement in your current self, in your current body, and do it for that person. Until you can get to a point where you see that person is also you. Because we're every age we've ever been. I knew this was going to be emotional, but I didn't know I was already going to cry three times by the time we're like 15 minutes in. Okay. And I think on this note, like, you know, something I've really realized through this release is how much I struggle with telling people what I want. And not feeling like a burden or even I know this is a mean word, but a loser. Like, I think I'm just realizing how much I struggle with shame around this. And the antidote I've really seen is like thinking of my younger self when this dream first ignited in my heart and like doing it for them until I can feel like I can do it for me in this body. But also self-compassion really, really helps. Self-love really helps. So just like when you're in one of those moments, you're usually in your head. Try breathing and dropping down into your body and feeling where that shame or whatever it is you're feeling lives. And then breathe into that area. And then maybe if you need some extra support, put your hand on that area. For me, it's usually in my heart or in my stomach. And just tell yourself, I love you. You're doing great. I forgive you. You are enough. And you deserve to pursue this dream. Creativity is your birthright. Keep going. I will always believe in you. And I will always be with you. One more breath to seal it out. And then maybe shake a little, get all that energy out. It's so important when you're in the struggle of self-doubt, when you're in the spiral of shame, to have self-compassion and self-love and to forgive yourself for what you didn't know before. To... Let yourself off the hook for things that were out of your control. You know, a lot of times I think we look back on things that didn't go the way we wanted them to and we get 100% of the blame. And take whatever part, you don't have to blame yourself, but take whatever part of the constructive advice you're giving yourself is true. Like, I look back on the last time I released music and I see, wow, I really didn't share the song enough. Like. musicians that I see today who are putting out music share the song like 500 times in different ways on Instagram and socials. And I think I posted it like five times and then I was done because I'm like, oh, people are probably bored by this. But no, as we talked about on the show a couple of times, if you don't have a repetition problem, you have a problem. People think they want originality, but what they really want is comfort. So even if someone's like, oh my gosh, they're posting the song again, there's a part of them, weird, but it's true, that actually likes that. And this theory came from my friend Bill Schultz, who used to work in the radio, and they were the number one station. And they found that when they stopped playing the same songs, they always fell in the ratings. But when they played the same songs over and over and over again. they would always get calls saying like, stop playing the same songs. And yet they were number one. So even if people think they want originality, the truth is they really don't. They want comfort. So keep that in mind when you're releasing something. Post it a billion times, because for somebody, it's going to be the first time they see it. And for the other people, they're going to feel comforted that they're seeing the same thing in a different way. It's kind of like when we restream the same show over and over and over again. It's nice to know how something ends. It's nice to feel like, okay, this show is going to be calming to my nervous system. Your creative project could very easily be that for someone. It could be the comfort and the stability that they need in a very chaotic world. So all that's to say, I am looking at what I could do better, but I am trying my best to like, not beat myself up for the past because I didn't know in a lot of ways. And I've had growth since then emotionally that is allowing me to be more bold in the way I go after things. You know, like my self-love and self-esteem is much higher today than it was when I released my last song three years ago. I believe in myself a lot more now. And I also believe in my ability to recover from things that don't work out for me. And so... While yes, I could have done better back then if I knew then what I know now, I wasn't me back then. And so I have to move on from that. And if you're in a similar state of self-doubt or self-flagellation for the way something went in the past and feeling like that's definitely going to come into the future, just know, like my therapist said to me, she's like, don't you know you're a different person now? Like that you have more skills to handle these things that in the past would have derailed you. Just know you have more ability now and you can't hold yourself from however long ago you last released a project or told somebody your dream responsible because they didn't know and they didn't have the tools that you have now. So have self-compassion, breathe into it, take whatever critique you have from the last time you released a project, if this is like a second or third release, but also like give yourself compassion and also like be proud that you're going. after it again. You are putting yourself in the arena. If you're putting something out into the world, you are brave. Creativity takes courage. I didn't come up with that line, but I love it. It's on my dream board. And it's true. It is courageous to say, this is what's on my heart. This is what my mind's eye looks like. This is what my voice sounds like. This is what's important to me. And not only that, I'm going to share it with you and tell you how much I want you to take it in and enjoy it and share it throughout the world. I can't think of many things that are more vulnerable than that. That is like, whoa. So if you're doing that, give yourself the credit. You are brave. And no matter how it goes, you can be proud of yourself knowing that you took a chance on yourself. And I think the other thing I'm trying to remember, because part of what is making this feel so deep. and big and twisty and like, that should be the clip. Whoa. But part of what is making this feel so intense for me is I think when I first put out music, I thought once I put out a song, it would just like my life would change and everything would get better. And my dreams would be exploding out into the universe and everybody would be like, yes. And everything would be fine. And the thesis statement is, I thought putting out music would save me. Here's a real bummer. That's a deep truth. If you ever think anything is going to save you, you are so fucked. Because nothing can save you. Like, it's an inside job. If you're looking for anything outside of you to ever save yourself. to ever fix you, to heal you, to make you whole. If you're ever going outside instead of going inside, or in my case, because I have a deep spiritual practice, up to God, the only ways out are up and in. Going out does not save anything, and it will never, ever, ever work. If you're looking for your self-worth outside of you, you are going to be so deeply sad. Even if you get there, because when you get there, you're going to realize that it was never outside of you. It was inside of you. That is why people end up like winning the Oscar and then feel miserable the next day. Because if they've been thinking their whole life that once I get this, I'll finally be happy. And then they get that and they're still not happy. What then? What then? So I think during all of this work, one of the most important things we can do is continue to cultivate our self-worth. internally to work on what is it that I love about myself? How can I remember in every moment that who I am is the best thing about me and what I do is beautiful and magical and I can want it with all my heart and it's what takes me on the journey. But whether or not I get there is never, ever going to decide whether I am worthy. I am worthy because I am here. The fact that you were born is a miracle. It's hard to have a baby, let alone the exact baby that you are. Like, I don't know the statistics, but I got to think it was like at least a one in a million chance that you're here right now. So remember that and remember that inherent worthiness you have as you're going about this. No matter how the project turns out, you have that inside of you. And as I say this to you, I'm saying it to myself, too. This is the lesson I have to keep learning every single day. So I'm never going to stop saying it to you because I'm never going to stop saying it to me. Because I... think it's the hardest one to learn, that nothing outside of us could ever save us. And happiness is an inside job. Yep. End of story. So remember that that is the takeaway from putting out the project. You can still want everything you want and tell people and go after it as hard as you can. And no matter what happens, you are so worthy, so loved, and so amazing. And you can be really proud of yourself that you fought as hard as you could for your dream to come true, that you tried and you were direct with people and asked for what you want and shared it as much as you could. And just to also remember like, okay, so I thought that it was going to save me the first time I put out music. But the other part is I thought this was my one and only shot. Like if this doesn't go well. I'm screwed for the rest of my life. And so this has to be perfect. And if it's not perfect, everything is bad. And okay, I've said it so many times. I'm going to say it again. If you want to root out extremism in the world, start with rooting it out in yourself. This is an extreme way of thinking that is not true. So if you're thinking, I'm going to put out this project, then my life is going to change and I have one shot to do it. And if I don't do it right this time, then forever, I will never be okay. That is not true. You basically have... As long as you're alive, which we don't know how long that is. So take as many chances as you can in the time you have. But as long as you're breathing, there's still an opportunity to make change. I read a story years ago about a woman who was in her 90s and she did a very specific kind of Latin music. I can't remember exactly what the style was, but she was nominated. I believe it was nominated for her first Grammy in her 90s. Like. Anything is possible. It kind of reminds me of when I moved out here, my dad would be like, well, Lauren, how long are you going to try this for? I'm like, dad, I will never give up. I will never give up. I don't care if it takes till I'm 80. I will never stop trying. And I think in that moment, I was like fighting for my life and fighting for my dreams and like feeling like they were threatened. But I like the thesis statement of that. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm always going to do this. No matter what happens, I'm... always going to be a singer-songwriter. I am always going to be putting out music because it's who I am. And as long as I'm alive, I have a chance to make my wildest dreams come true. I don't care what society has told me that it's like a young person's game. That's only true because somebody said it should be true. My goal is part of my music and my creative life in general is to encourage people that creativity doesn't have an age limit. Creativity is all of our birthright. It is not just belonging to people who are 18 to 25. And by the way, your brain isn't even fully developed then. No offense. I was once your age too. But the really deep, beautiful, passionate ideas, these need to be heard. 40-year-olds'voices need to be heard. 80-year-olds'voices need to be heard. It shouldn't end at 25 just because... I don't want to take a whole sidetrack, but like... There's a whole thing about why someone would want to partner with someone whose brain isn't fully developed yet. It's because you can manipulate them. But anyway, I digress. Every age has wisdom that the ages before it couldn't have. And honestly, the youth have wisdom that we can't have sitting in this. age right now. We need everyone's voices, okay? Not just the young. And so if you are a person who is above 25 or whatever age you've decided is like the prime age to be a creative in your field, please know we need you. We need... Different creativity coming from different age groups and demographics. Like diversity shouldn't just exist in like gender, race, religion, sexual orientation. It should also exist in age groups. And our country is so deeply ageist. Like that's something that people seem to have no problem with, probably because we're all afraid to die. So make good with your fear of death and then believe that creativity doesn't have an age limit. and it is your birthright no matter your age. And just, okay, to circle back to my original point, just know that as long as you're alive, you will always have another chance. So if you're putting pressure on yourself for this to be perfect, you're gonna have another chance. Like you could even re-release the project. I always think about, there is this Smokey Robinson story, you know, when he was working with Motown and he released a song and then him and Barry Gordy, who is the guy who ran Motown Music, realized- that or Motown Records realized that the song wasn't quite right. It was like too slow. So they sped it up. I think it was shop around. It was like that. That was a song that they re-released. So they took it off of the charts or like not charts. I don't think it even charted. They took it out like they like unreleased it and then they re-released it in this new way. And it went on to be a hit. So even if you release something and you decide you want to take it back, you can do that. a top tier musician did that. You can do that with your stuff too. I've often thought about like re-releasing old songs and I might, you might just see me do that in the next year or so. But yeah, no matter what, as long as you're alive, you will always have another chance, as long as you're brave enough to take it. And as we're talking about, you're going to do that because you will not be shutting the door on yourself and your own creativity. And somehow, you know, even with all these emotions I'm feeling, I am feeling still really excited. and really proud. And even with the self-doubt, it's still worth it. Even with this kind of whirlwind and like the stress of putting out a project, and especially if you're an indie creator doing it on your own, it is still so deeply worth it to leave your mark on the world and in your creative field in this way. It is still so deeply worth it. Even with the stress, even with the emotional rollercoaster it is to put out a creative project, it is still so deeply worth it to leave your mark on the world and on your creative field in this way. To say, this is who I am. And to leave even a small message that you were here and you believed in yourself enough to take a chance. So long story short, not really short, but like medium length. I think this was a midi sewed. If you are feeling all the feelings because you're about to put out a creative project or you really want to put out a creative project, if you want to put out a creative project, let this be your sign to do it. And if you're about to put out a creative project and you're feeling the emotional rollercoaster that is sharing your soul with the world in this way and being honest about your dreams, know you're not alone, first of all. And that... You can get through this with self-compassion and self-love and somehow get back to the joy of creating and sharing and remembering who you were as a little kid and doing it for them. They deserve this. They deserve to have their dream fought for by you, the wise adult. And I'm so, so grateful you're there for them. Thank you so much for listening to Unleash Your Inner Creative. This episode was hosted, executive produced, and actually edited. Oh, she came out of retirement by me, Lauren LaGrasso. Music is by Liz Full. If you like what you heard today, remember to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Share the show with a friend and post about it on social media. Tag me at Lauren LaGrasso and at Unleash Your Inner Creative, and I will repost to share my gratitude. Remember to pre-save genie in a bottle. Please help me make it to 10,000 listens on Spotify at the link in my bio and Instagram or in the show notes. And I love you. I believe in you. Creativity is your birthright. Take it, run with it, enjoy it. And I will talk with you next week. That was a kiss. Bye, cutie.
