Speaker #0Have you ever noticed when it comes to life, love, creativity, and career, the more you force something, the less it flows. The more you push or try to control, the less you get, and the less success comes to you. As I've begun my journey into full-time entrepreneurship, this has been on my mind a lot because I've wanted to try to force things a lot, and I recognize that isn't working for me. So today I'm going to share my philosophy of how to get out of the forcing energy or what I call clutching your fate and into a state of faith that is coupled with intentional action. Welcome to Unleash Your Inner Creative with Lauren LaGrasso. I'm Lauren LaGrasso. I am your host, and I'm a three-time WEMI award-winning host and executive producer, singer-songwriter, public speaker, and creative coach. And this show is meant to give you tools to love, trust, and know yourself enough to claim your birthright to creativity and go after your wildest dreams. Today, as I mentioned, we're getting into this really important topic of the more you force something, the less it flows. And this came up because as I have been journeying into my new life as a full-time businesswoman, making my creative projects into my business, I definitely have felt myself being like, I need to figure it out right now. And if I don't, I'm not going to be okay. And for those that aren't watching that are just listening, by the way, if you didn't know, I have a YouTube presence. I have a Spotify, so check out the video on there. But I was clutching up as I was saying that. And just that energy alone shows you why would something flow through you? You're closed off to receiving. But I've been noticing I've been doing that a lot because I'm scared. And it's normal to be scared when you're starting something new, when you're trying something vulnerable, when you're not following a beaten path. And you I recognize from all the times before in my life when I've done that, that maybe that can work for a minute, but long-term it stops working and it burns you out. So it came up again this morning as I journal. My journal has been a great source of inspiration, by the way. I would highly recommend you start a journaling practice, whether it's in the morning, any other time and day, but morning is really cool because you're getting like all your fresh thoughts. So what I wrote this morning was, what if you realize finally, the more you push. The more you push something or someone away. Find the difference between intentional effort and pushing. Intentional effort takes trust, some faith in God, life, and yourself. So the thing you must work on is your fear, your trauma, past pain, and limiting beliefs. Could you trust that life has your back? And the answer is, I'm trying to. This idea that the more you push something, the more it evades you is just one of the great paradoxes of life. It shouldn't be this way, right? It should be that the more you work at something, the more you try, the more you want something, the more it comes to you. And that can be true, but it has to be the right energy. I've just found that the more you force something, the more you try to make something happen from sheer will, the more desperate you get, the harder it is to achieve your goals long-term. Again, this approach might work for a short amount of time, but it has an expiration date. So you have to find a way to strike that very delicate balance between intentional effort and faith. And that requires nuance, which is something that many of us, especially artists, and I would say like the world at large just isn't good at right now. It's hard to sit in the middle way. But it seems that the middle way is always correct. So this is a skill I'm really trying to hone right now. And there have been moments in my life where I have been in that flow and it has been magical. And I've put the effort in along with that good energy of excitement and like faith and belief in life. And I have been rewarded for it. Not only has the journey felt better, but the product was more successful. But I do notice whenever I get stressed out or when rejections are rolling in, my old instinct to force, to clutch my fate. rolls back in and I get back to pushing, overworking, and not surprisingly, this yields less and feels pretty bad. So as I enter this next phase of my life and my career, a main focus is really every day honing in on how I can stay in faith, how I can stay in belief and couple that with intentional action without freaking myself out. And so I want to share the tools that I'm using in order to cultivate that mindset and hopefully the life that I want. So the first thing, I'm going to probably sound like I'm beating a dead horse, which is such a cruel saying, but I do think that it bears repeating. Like simple things are not always easy. And a morning practice is one of them. In this time, in this time of great transition and a time of great turmoil in the world at large, but also a great transition in my life, I have to be diligent about my morning practice. Like no BS, no excuses. Every day when I wake up, staying off my phone while I do this practice, doing a meditation, then going into prayer, breathing, journaling at least three pages. And then I can go into the day. If I start like this and I'm actually diligent about it, I notice a huge difference, not only in my day, but then as these days pile up, the faith gets easier to cultivate. It's almost like laying the foundation to create a wealth of faith. So almost for anything in life, like just for being a human, certainly I think you need a morning practice, but for anything in life that takes, you know. effort and intentionality, I would say morning practice is your first pathway in. The second thing is focusing on the feeling I want to get when I achieve the goal. So a lot of times, you know, when you're going after a goal, and I've talked about this on the show before, you're just thinking about, oh my God, I really want it. I really want it, but it's going to be so hard. It's going to be so hard. And how am I going to ever get there? And you get kind of trapped in those questions of how am I going to ever get there? I want it so bad. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. But you never think about like, what is it actually going to feel like to get that thing? Like what will life, why do you want it so badly? First of all, like what is the higher reason? It can't just be like, oh, because then I'll be saved because spoiler alert, that's never true. But what do you want to feel once you reach that destination? So focus on the feeling and the goal and what it will feel like to achieve the goal. And that, that focus going back to the feeling when you get into moments of fear will keep you. in faith and stop you from trying to control and clutch everything. So that's another thing I'm doing as I approach this new phase of entrepreneurship and focusing on my consulting, coaching, speaking, podcast, That's my business plan, if you didn't know. Another thing, which seems obvious, but unfortunately sometimes is not, is working on what I can do instead of everything that is or at least seems out of my reach. So just getting really logical, asking what practical actions can I take toward my goal? You know, not trying to do everything at once, like take one small step. I promise you there's one thing you can think of that's going to help you get closer to your goal. Whether that's a goal of achieving your dream, of something way more simple than that, whatever it is, it's like think about one practical thing you can do instead of all the things you can't do. And then this one is equally important, focusing on what is real right now. When I'm in that pushing mode, when I'm in that striving, controlling, clutching mode, I'm often focused on worst case scenarios and trying to circumvent them. And so instead of playing out all those worst case scenarios that may or may not ever happen, what I call pre-suffering, I need to focus on the reality of right now. And the reality of right now is everything is okay in this moment. Yes, if every single thing went wrong, every single thing could go wrong. But in this moment, I am okay. So it's almost bringing yourself back to realism and saying, what is actually happening in this moment? And how can I make sure to stay in the present moment, instead of future casting a future that may or may not ever happen? And like I said, if you're going to future cast like that, you better as well think about the best things that could happen. But better than either of those, better than living in a future that isn't here, just be where you are. And if everything is okay in this moment, it's okay to be okay and to try to go after what it is you're looking for from a place that is okay. Kind of on a similar note is gratitude. So Everything is okay in this moment. And that is something. The truth is, if you were going through something really terrible, if something were really wrong, you would be spending every single moment praying, strategizing, trying to figure out whatever that situation is. But if in this moment, I am okay, I'm healthy, my limbs are working, I can see, smell, taste, hear, you know, speak, that is huge. And so I try to remember even those like really small things. It's like, what is there that I'm grateful for in this moment? And it helps me stay in faith by remembering everything I do have and every time life has worked out for me so far. Those blessings help propel me forward to what I desire. Another thing, when you find yourself asking why or why me, actually seek to answer that. I notice when I'm in one of these forcing or pushing states, it's really, really easy for me to get into my stories, to get into victim mode, to ask why me? I deserve more. I work so hard. And you know what? All that could be very well true. But if you find yourself asking those questions, actually seek to answer them. See what you find. You know, maybe you are working really hard, but you're working hard in a way that doesn't need to be. You're forcing things. So If you're asking why or why me or any variation of that, actually trying to answer like. What is the reason maybe that you're not getting to the goal you want? And what can you do about it? Where do you have power? Where don't you have power so you can have self-compassion? And where do you have power so you can do something about it? And finally, it really is that faith piece. It's whatever your version of spirituality is. For me, it's God. But for you, it might be the universe. It might be, again, looking back at... every time you've shown up for yourself and knowing that you're going to show up for yourself again and giving it up to your faith, to believing that there is a very possible and even probable world in which this thing that you're going after can and will work out for you. And just letting that wash over your body and guide you instead of feeling like you need to control everything because the truth is you can't. Again, I don't understand why this paradox exists that the more you force something, the more you chase something, the more you hunt something down from that really desperate energy, the less it works out for you. Maybe because when you're in that level of desperation, like the truth is, if you get the thing, it's not going to feel good anyway. It's not approaching it from a holistic point of view. It's approaching it from a place of the ego or a place of seeking worth in that outside thing. But when you are coming at it from a place of faith, there's almost a certain level of self-love, worthiness that you're going after this thing from. And in that case, you're ready for it. So going back to your faith, going back to self-love practices, going back to self-worth practices and knowing that whatever it is you're going toward, you have inherent worth as a human being. Who you are is the best thing about you. And if you can approach whatever your goal is or... get through whatever your fear is from this place of knowing that you are a beautiful human and deserve good things in life, I think it makes it easier. Again, I am on this journey. I do not have it all figured out, but I'm speaking to you from the trenches of trying to figure it out. And I wanted to end with this quote because I just think it's beautiful and perfectly describes what I'm saying. It's talking about happiness, but you could insert love, you could insert you're dreams, your career, whatever it is. So here's a quote. Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. I want to dedicate that one to my mom because she first taught me that quote, and I think it's so true. So remember, if you too have been in a state of fear, which understandable, the world is crazy and life is really chaotic right now. But if you've been in this state of trying to control things, of trying to clutch your fate, of trying to make it happen and force it, open your heart, open your hands, take a deep breath and remember that you can strike this very delicate balance between intentional effort and faith, that you have inherent worthiness as a person and you can go after your goals from that platform of self-worth. Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate you. Thanks for being on this journey with me. Unleash Your Inner Creative is hosted and executive produced by me, Lauren LaGrasso. If you love the show, please be sure to leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, a comment on Spotify, share the show with a friend. That helps so much because podcasts really are spread person to person, even to this day. Remember, if you have any interest, you can work with me as a creative coaching client. I have availability starting in May. I'd love to book a free discovery call with you. You can email me lauren.lagrasso at gmail.com or go to my website, laurenlagrasso.com for more information. And I hope you have the best day ever and that you remember you can stay in fate at least for today. Try it. See what happens. Okay. I love you and I believe in you. Talk with you next week.
