Speaker #0hello hello hello this is the second part of the introduction podcast of boring information you need to know about quora so if you sat through the entire one last time get ready to sit through another one because it's probably going to be a bit boring but if you're here i'm excited so let's continue i think we were talking about um growing up in maine in that experience um i guess one of the biggest things growing up in like a multi or you could say mixed family it's hair especially as a especially having like black hair it's a thing like it's it's a huge thing of upkeep is i'm gonna say i'm not gonna say like high maintenance it's just it's a lot of uh challenges and it's a lot of work And when you're a child, especially me as a child, I didn't really care. Like I had no, I literally did not care what my hair looked like. It would be, it would look so bad. Not that I love, I love black hair, but I just didn't do anything to style it. And there's also this thing that you have to kind of, you know, when, if you're ever on like a school. like a school game and um the the coach or whatever is like be be careful guys because you're representing the school that's kind of that's kind of what it is like being a black person is you you didn't really sign up for but anything you do is a representation of somehow your whole culture like it makes no sense like it should not be a thing but it is a thing is so in when people already have this idea that um black hair is unappalling or you can't look upon it or it's too i'm not going to use the words they use but when people uh say these things about your hair it's it's literally well they say this anyways and when you don't style your when you don't style your hair or put a lot of effort into your hair it's like it's agreeing to a stereotype or a bad thing that's not really true about you And it's saying, oh my god, this is true. I'm gonna agree with what you're saying and say that black hair is blah blah blah blah blah blah. It's annoying, but if your hair is not always looking the freshest, it just doesn't look the best for everyone. And it's not a good route to go. Especially when you're styling your hair and the style itself is not really like, they're like, okay, braids can look good. we know you don't know how to braid i don't know how to braid but braids can look good guys let's not talk and say braids are shitty but um my whole experience with hair growing up was it was a bit different my my mom had obviously four kids before me she didn't have carpal tunnel but she had like something in her hands where she couldn't use them and um my hair just never got braided we all we lived in such an area that when we did go to a salon they they just got so confused because they didn't know what to do with my hair it was like literally like oh they weren't taught what to do with my hair for some reason like they literally didn't i remember one time i was supposed to have wavy hair in this and she she straightened it and she curled it and it looked i'm just gonna say horrendous and it's in all my dance photos and i realized this at the time but there was nothing i could do because my dance teacher is like let's have all the have all the girls have wavy hair and somehow getting my hair that is like way curly to make it wavy was just not it was not happening i should have just i don't know what i i don't know what we were thinking but that was like multiple occasions of like they didn't know how to cornrow they didn't know how to do any anything with black hair honestly and it wasn't honest that's not just my experience in maine i'm you when i moved to oregon i went out to shout out to supercuts but i went to supercuts and this lady literally took out a buzz cutter and started buzzing my hair she brought out like three other people like they were consulting i'm like oh my god what do they were literally like so confused like oh my god i don't know what to do it was like okay after they buzz cut in my head they literally buzzed my hair off halfway through and then they're like we don't really know what we're doing so we're gonna send you to our sister location in the mall and i went to i went to that one and uh of course she was black because no one else knows what to do with black hair like no one unless like you grow up around it somehow the the age where i grew up it was not taught like no one knew what they were doing like you guys especially have you have black people in oregon like that one's a little bit like sus you obviously have black people here and you're whatever but uh people just never knew what to do with my hair so when i was in maine if i got my hair braided which is the main style i would do like i never did anything like i never did any type of like big braids like um it would it would just literally be like designing my hair nothing like box braids or anything like that it would literally just be putting braids in my hair and we would uh i don't know how but my mom would like find she would like collect a bunch of black people in maine and whenever she found someone they would either be babysitting us or they would be able to be hired to do our hair like literally the only people that knew how to do our hair and the sad the sad really sad part about it is they would not let them work in the salon because they did not have a hairdresser license. They were literally like, we know you can do hair better than anyone we currently employ, but because you don't have a license, we're not going to let you work here. And I always thought that was ridiculous. I'm just like, but you guys can't do my hair. She's literally the only person that can do my hair. You guys cannot do my hair. Do you understand that? Like, it was just a bad process. I was lucky I was in an age where at the time it wasn't a big thing. Like I wasn't, it wasn't a huge part of my identity because I wasn't super aware. And it wasn't like, it wasn't a thing like I thought about. I remember I always went blonde and that was a thing where I look back and people, I was just like, oh, that's a, that's a big jump. You're going there. Um, just because people are just like, don't expect people with any type of tense. to their complexion to go that light but like i was so obsessed i was obsessed i was obsessed with sharpay the character is kind of crazy i know but i was obsessed with it was a lot of blondes and looking back it was the stuff that i was being shown and i wish i was being shown a little bit more diverse stuff so it wasn't just all like the same carbon copy of a person that not everyone could live up to because that's insane But I just, whenever I dressed up for Halloween, I would put, like, a blonde wig or something. Or, because I was dressing up as them for Halloween when I was, like, when I was younger, I'm going to say. So, it's less embarrassing. But I definitely got some looks. My mom and my sisters would say jokes because they were aware and knew it would happen when people saw me with a blonde wig. you would think sometimes they give grace to a child but not necessarily always i think i was just lucky again that i was not aware of all the shit that happened it's a blessing and a curse so i was just like a big thing of how i got my hair done and i was never exposed to like oh these are the things that you can do with your hair these are all the different styles you can try out i remember i would go to the the actual hair salon and literally you she would be buzzing my hair that I asked for but she would literally be cutting it off and at every point she's like do you want it more and she was like she's like you know it's not gonna be feminine do you want it more I'm like I don't care let's buzz it all off so stupid like I should have had like braids my hair at so many points like my mom was just not informed and it was okay I would never inflect that I don't think you should be you my opinion i gotta stop saying this but i don't think um i don't think we should be putting like weaves and like a six-year-old's head or like have a wig on her i don't think we should give her because i feel like that's giving someone a complexion you're giving complexion that's giving someone a complex that's giving someone issues with their body or themselves that they didn't have already because they're what if that child or the kid Literally has no issues with their natural hair and then you're like let's cover that up and put a wig on it I guess if they want to do it for fun and you nest you don't want them to be like ridiculed and mocked and looking back in childhood photos i definitely regret how i looked in certain places because i'm like um i was definitely one of the kids where you're just like that this this girl needs hair like this is something that's a necessity i my mom used to i don't know she loved telling the story i should not tell it because she's gonna kill me but when i was really little she literally would let me walk around with no top on that seems so inappropriate at the pool because i literally I looked like she would say a little boy I feel uncomfortable saying that for obvious reasons but it was just a thing of like I was not whenever we had like a thing in dance she was always she would always volunteer be like yeah she's okay with it because I was okay with switching genders there's so many uh for a role like shit not to like make light of that but there's a lot of people that would be like no I'm not gonna do that understandably I get I understand toxic masculinity and wouldn't that be toxic femininity? I don't know. But I understand that peer pressure, I'll say group it all together. I understand that. But the I never, I never really cared because I wasn't aware. I think this if I was, if I was aware as I am now, and even now I'm still not aware of some things, I would not have had an enjoyable time. You know, if you're like, it's like wearing, I don't know, a crazy costume and walking downtown or like wearing a onesie and going outside in public. There are certain people that, like me, who are like, don't pay attention or can't pay attention to things, people's reactions to the things you're doing. So it leads you to be more comfortable doing a lot of things. That used to be me and still is me in certain ways. But my anxiety kills it so much, like takes it away completely. Because all I'm thinking, the whole thing that makes me anxious is like, oh my God, what if that person looks at me like this? What if this person laughs? What if this person judges me? Like it's the whole time. And then I get anxious because I'm thinking about the stuff that may happen. Even though it's not going to or even if it is, the anxiety is coming from like the fear of what if this could literally be ruining my life? but obviously it's something that i think everyone well i'm gonna speak for myself it's something that i want to work on it's easier said than done obviously like peer pressure but i don't know it was it's i would love to make it a goal slash mission for 2025 is to constantly push myself out of my comfort zone i normally hate when people say that But I mean that I want to start saying yes to things that I'll say no to because I'm in fear of how it may make me feel. And I know most of the time I'm right. That sounds horrible. Most of the time it does make me feel like that. But I feel like pushing myself, sorry, pushing myself and making myself do these things, even if they're uncomfortable. Even if the whole time I'm like, oh my God, I'm sweating. This is horrible. I feel uncomfortable. I'm anxious. I can look back and be like, I did that. That's something that I completed. That's something that I pushed myself to do. And I can look back at whatever happened. Like, you know, if it's a memory, if it's a product, if it's whatever you're doing, you can look back and think, oh my God, that was actually pretty cool that I did that. And I want to start doing that more. Even I know people have advised online that it... it may increase burnout but i don't know a lot of that is um a lot of theories that are obviously they can be proven but like i don't know it's a hard thing i get so wishy-washy because i'm like do i want to talk about this because what if i'm talking about is not factual and then i'm spreading misinformation and that's a huge fear of mine and i don't want to do that so i'll try not to i don't know how but i i don't want i want to talk about this but i i'm saying the same thing over and over i don't want to i don't want to accidentally hurt is what i'm trying to say and i'm going to try to avoid that but um i'm just going to speak from my experience like i'm not going to say in my opinion every time because you guys know that all of this is going to be in my opinion all this or is just going to be thoughts that I have or opinions that I have or theories that I have. and you can listen to or not it's okay i would obviously appreciate you but it's i understand i there's certain i get invested like there are some podcasts there's i'm not gonna name names but there's this one this one uh gentleman that i used to watch on podcast and it wasn't someone that i literally uh i never heard of them before but i was literally just scrolling through podcasts because i was so bored And I somehow listened and watched like a three hour podcast of these two people just talking. And it was like, it wasn't always like some of it was like really funny. Like obviously some of it was funny. A lot of it was like really interesting talking. That sounds crazy. But it was just like things of like, oh my God, wow. Yeah, I like talking about that because I didn't really think of that that way. But at the same time, it is, it's fun to listen to someone and laugh. Who does not like laughing? but uh let me get back to my childhood so we can finish this the freak out but uh let me say oh one more time one of the major things that i i look back because i hear other childhoods child childhoods and a lot of people i don't want to talk shit on my mom because she was a single mom and we all know the power that single moms have and what they can get done in what's possible. But we were just a lot of situations, and I think a lot of kids were like this, I don't think it's a judgmental thing, where we were just to fend for ourselves. Because there were so many of us, it wasn't like, oh, she's like, what is the phrase? The baby in the bathwater? It's a fucked up joke. But it's literally... it's not like she was like leaving us alone to die like we were always two years apart so there's usually like someone like i don't know can i do math like eight to ten years older maybe not that big you know what i mean like if there was a gap where you'd be like okay you can in theory you could have hired this person as a babysitter and paid them to provide the service i'm laughing because if anyone has been with raised basically by their siblings it's It's frightening. Like, oh my god. I talked to my siblings and we're like, yeah, we should have paid more attention. We should have cared more. We felt, I was the youngest, so the responsibility was rarely on me. But anytime we had to do something, we felt like, oh, this isn't a responsibility. This isn't something that, like, we didn't have a kid. You know what I mean? We're just, we're the sibling. We're not supposed to have any responsibilities. But due to our... a lot of life we were forced to do a lot of things early that looking back i i feel i i'm kind of thankful for like i i know so many people who don't know how to do basic life skills and i know people get shamed for that but i think it i think a lot of our parents like what's the word infantize us they literally keep us as a baby like you know that your child's 18 and you're you cooking all their meals you're doing all their laundry laundry you're doing everything that they're fully capable of doing and then you're sending them out into the world and expecting them you're like confused on why they don't know how to do anything i'm not judging parenting but like that that's the one thing i'm grateful for my my mom is because she act not we actually learned a lot of life life lessons and life skills that actually serve us in life you Like, even though you look back and you're like, damn, I was going through my kitchen when I was like eight years old trying to find a freaking food that I could cook for myself. You know, like, has anyone done that? When you're literally like, okay, let me look at the ingredients we have and see whatever meal we can just put together with whatever we have. And we lived in Northern Maine. So a lot of the, a lot of the times we didn't even have a car and it was about probably like we walked. Yeah. That sounds so aggressive. we've had to walk a couple times and it was not fun we got bikes eventually but it's about like i think it was like a two hour it's pretty long it's pretty far i think it's like seven miles but basically we didn't have a car and uh we were broke as hell so we would get groceries once a month get a taxi and that would be it so whatever wasn't there for the rest of the month we just had to like deal with what we had and excuse me it just it It led us to create a lot of skills that I'm grateful for. And I know people are like, well, but what about your childhood? You need a time where you get to experience your childhood. I think that's true. But I feel like there's a point of, like, there's a middle ground, right? I hate using that word. But you don't want to... Again. But you don't want to put a position where they're out in life and they literally don't know how to do anything for themselves through fault of not being taught. But at the same time, you don't want to be in a position that is true where they don't experience a childhood, where they don't experience actual being able to, you know, sit around at your house, do nothing and play with children. And I think the biggest thing with that is like. You're not anxious. I think that's what honestly a lot of my anxiety came from. But you're not thinking about this. You're not thinking about the bills. You're not thinking about, oh my god, we might not be able to eat next week. We might not be able to make the electric bill. We might not be able to do X, Y, and Z. You're in a state of like bliss, which I think is necessary to a point. I do think that needs to exist. I don't think we need to start arming children with guns. and fucking bulletproof vests so they're safe in the world i think we should be there protecting them obviously but when there's a point when this person is fully capable i have this crazy theory of never having a kid no not the theory of never having a kid i just feel so bad because i'm like i'm talking about something i don't know about even though i want to talk about it so i just want to make it safe for everyone but my crazy theory so crazy i i wanted to this is what i would wish let me rephrase it this is wish i my mom was able to do for us is when we were like um hitting like freshman year of high school so what are you like 14 getting like a travel trailer again this is like a thing of privilege if you have the space if you have the ability if you have the income if you trust your children but getting like a travel trailer in the back when they're 14 and having it having them fix it up the first year like literally giving them a budget and be like okay you have to find these things this is what you need to furnish your whole travel trailer this is the budget you have and i'm not gonna be able to help you but i'm gonna still be here for you if anything you need and that way it's lit i know it sounds crazy but like in my head they're literally it's the same as a room they're literally in your backyard as much as they would be at the like depending on how big your house is you could it could be the same distance walking to them but i feel like it gives them a sense of independence while also making sure that they know how to survive when you're not able there when you're not there because i know so many people that end up in situations and i'm just like damn i really wish not judging your parents but i really wish that someone was able to teach you these things and you did not have to learn on your own in a way that was counterproductive to your life So my crazy dream would be like having them fix it up the first year and then the second year, basically just have them live there, have them do their own laundry, have them cook their own meals. And you're obviously giving them their money, but having a budget, I'd be like, okay, this is how much money you guys have for food this week. If you spend more than your money on food, I'm going to... Yeah. we're gonna have to go to a food bank like we're gonna have to go to grandma's house if you don't have it not if you don't have a grandma then we're gonna have to go to the the food bank you know what i mean it's literally not like okay okay mom i bought this these heels that i really wanted and now i can't eat this week i would not give the money like me i would be like sorry want me to try to find some services that you can get because i'm not gonna enable this behavior obviously they need to learn that if they don't budget for the things that they need in life no one's gonna rescue them no one's gonna come in and be like here's ten thousand dollars that you can have that's just not a reality that's gonna happen and god forbid you weren't there to protect them or someone wasn't there to no one was there what was this i i get so scared because i'm just like what are these What do these kids know? Like, what are these kids- What are these kids taught? Like, survival skills? Of like, oh my god, if I spend twice as much on cooking fast food tonight, I can't literally survive rent. it's not literally like oh i either eat a five dollar burger every single day or i cook my meals at home like those are the situations that these really young children in my opinion kids were we were kids at that time this is the situations they're in and a lot of a lot of the young adults that i know don't have a good support system they don't have a good family there even if they do have a family the family there is not always necessarily supportive to the the level that they need and it's it upsets me because i'm just like i'm not a parent but i'm just like i wish someone had taught these people things like and then you can't teach them because it just creates this whole thing of depending on who they are of um some people are not able or willing at at the point in their life to intake advice from people especially because it makes them feel inferior or makes them feel less than and i feel like that that ends up in a horrible cycle that no one wants to be in and it sucks it really does i wish i could enact my crazy plan to to make children fun for themselves for three years but technically it would be like 15 to 18 15 16 17 that's it That's a lot of years. Is it 14? Oh my god. I don't know. I don't know. I feel bad and I don't want to judge and I wish there was some sort of more programs. They're not gonna go. Let's be realistic. A kid in high school or a kid that just turned 18 is not gonna go to a life class. I think they need to bring back um what were they called oh my god home ec they need to bring back home home ec in high school because that's literally my sister had it my older sister and by the time that i was in the same high school they had taken the program program away completely and i think they're just like we're not in 1950s anymore we don't need to teach this but i think it's a necessity that i think there's a song let me look it up but there's a song called uh don't stay in school i bet you can find it um even without me telling you who sings it but he talks about a lot of good thoughts of like the things that they teach in school a lot of things that should be taught that they don't really i know that they're just like okay this is the base that we we're gonna teach everyone so if they want to go to this degree or go to this what you know what i mean they're already uh they've learned the first part they've learned the half of what they need to learn for that or whatever but somehow there are essential skills and essential things that we need it like he talks about how most of people in america don't know how voting works i like i want to do a whole video on youtube literally dedicated to like talking about how voting works and and it's it's so hard to do shit like this as an adult without talking down to someone because it's not like they're just like you're not a child you're not you're not stupid i hate that word but doesn't make you're not a bad person for not knowing this and i think people automatically think that they're like oh my god they think i'm a child they think i'm stupid whenever someone tries to inform them even in the nicest way it's hard thing to try to do but that thing you That one really does bother me because I'm just like the main main issue with that is then the only election that is pushed out is the presidential election. That's like the only one when you think about how it's like brought on the Internet, how it's basically like like a press tour. They're doing it only for the presidential campaign. And. I don't know if you guys know this, but we don't live in a dictatorship. I know a lot of the things when Obama was president, I know that he would try to get a lot of a lot of stuff passed. And a lot of people just kept saying no to him. And he was not able to get things done because it's not a dictatorship. Not that that's a good thing, but he was not able to get the things passed because people were not working with him. And all I think is one, people need to. People need to know what they're voting on. I got told about the law. The law is literally written in a way that's supposed to purposely confuse us. They did that on purpose. They write it in such a confusing way where it sounds so smart and it sounds uses all these fancy words that no one actually uses. and they do that so no one understands the law so no one they do that obviously i'm in my head probably for like murderers so the murder is not like if i do this i do this they're literally they don't know what the law is because they make it so confusing on purpose and i think i think they should be more informative more informative for when they're talking about the president presidential campaign i think that the you literally the white hot the white house the republicans the democrats every every party should literally have like an official youtube channel and they're literally just saying all the bullet points for all the people like if you want to vote for this guy this is what he believes in this is the policies he wants to try to enact this is like this is his whole thing and i feel like people honestly don't know they don't know who they're voting on i really do believe that they literally don't know and even then they're stuck of like oh you're gonna split the vote you know what i mean of like well if i don't like either one of these candidates i can't vote for this fourth person that's not out of the main two right because then you split the vote so then you're forced to vote for someone that you don't necessarily agree with because the other person is worse and it's just it's a whole system that i'm just like ah like this is all started by whoever is uh elected by the democratic party or the republican party right so if you're not the if you're not the chosen one in my there's no chance of you winning there's so many things i'm just stop aimlessly talking about this but it just bothers me and then the fact that we don't have enough Again, press on all the other elections going on and all the people on that. I know it's a lot to keep up with, but if we don't elect all the people that we want in there, or at least have an equal in there, none of the things that we agree with or none of the policies that we want to get passed are going to happen. It's just not going to happen with one person in the office that is making all the decisions. We need a lot, a lot of people. that agree on the same vision to make any of the dreams that people have a possibility and i think that's a the biggest thing is people it's so time consuming to constantly read into all these elections and read 50 different people and read all what they're doing and what they're not doing and the scandals that they're trying to get under their their names i really think I don't know, something should be produced to inform Americans of things that are being done in a way that they're actually going to respond to. And I know people don't like whatever you're going to say about President Trump, the way of the way of him list, I don't know him doing an interview during the Super Bowl, no matter what he is saying, if we're just talking about like, marketing is probably like one of the most genius things you can do. And obviously, we don't want someone with horrible policies or things that we don't agree with speaking but the idea of like okay well most of america is not going to tune into an interview done i don't want to blast these you know what i'm saying they're not going to tune into a reporter watching an interview always you know what i mean the people uh interested in politics the people that are obsessed with but like the general population of america especially the the kids they're not gonna watch that they're gonna watch the football game so like anything that you want to say is they're going to hear do they necessarily want to who knows but i thought it was that was actually a pretty smart idea to do um obviously i'm gonna stop talking there but i don't know i i think we just have to find a way to speak to americans because i feel like everyone's just like everyone in america thinks i don't think everyone in america thinks this i think people are unaware of what's happening people are unaware on what they're voting for and i feel like um if we were able to educate america properly a lot of these problems wouldn't wouldn't be happening if we were able to have classes in school that actually uh taught these things this would not be an issue oh and the the song is called boy in a band and it's called don't stay in school and he talks about a lot of the issues that i was just talking about and i honestly on top of all the stuff that he talks about i think home ec is another issue that is not even discussed because again people it depends i'm talking about people coming from like a very underprivileged environment i don't know how to say this someone growing up with not a lot of resources a lot of times when single moms are doing the best they can they're not able to teach them to the full extent So when they're dropping their kids at a eight hour class where they're supposed to teach them, they should teach them things that they should actually learn. I'm like, I know this is like basic education, but they literally, I don't know if they did this for your school, but they, they split our classes up in, in two days. They did like day one and day two when I moved here in Oregon. And that was literally so they can make our classes longer. that was so they could make the the classes longer and so um if they're making the classes longer why can't we why can't we create a class or you have you already have a class like history why can't you teach that in history why can't you have home ec again why can't you have a class on talking about i know like people would hate this but talking about how how you I don't know. We talk about so much history on things that different races have done and things that different communities have done. You would think we would talk about current events. We had this one class, we listened to NPR. And that's when, I remember this when Ferguson was going on. And everyone obviously rightly was talking about it. That one still pisses me off so much. just hearing stuff that that guy did afterwards like really gets to me like i can't but uh i don't know i think we just need obviously money is an issue sorry obviously money is the issue people think that this is education is not something that needs to be supported obviously it does As you can see, we have, like, millions of incarcerated prisoners that somehow we're paying millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars into. And somehow, obviously, if we stopped, they would all be around us. But somehow paying into a child's education that affects all of us is something that is not done. It pisses me off. Like, it said they are the future. Like, that's 100% truth. you want to complain about the world we're living in we have the opportunity to change it for tomorrow we have the opportunity to change this for the next generation for our children's generation and we're not going to because it's it's it's change in a way that no one is comfortable with but it needs to happen when you look think about how much change it the sexual sexualization of women has changed whatever back in the day when literally you would have to lick your lift your leg up just to be seen as anything sexual right and that was something that was like taboo it was like oh my god no versus today to how all of our thinking has changed into what if you told a woman that she could not show a part of her body nine times out of ten it's just going to make her more mad and it's not because someone wants to flaunt their body around always sometimes is the fact that when you're controlling a woman's body when you look back at history obviously obviously anyone like anyone that's black gets upset by slavery you don't have to have lived through slavery slavery jesus christ i should not be laughing but i can't speak it's going to affect you you watching history is going to affect your life and how people treat you is going to affect your life so looking back in our times and saying oh the 1950s when women had no rights they could not get a job everything they needed to get done they had to get a husband that they hope did not assault them when they got home like this is not a scenario that anyone wants this is not a dream this is a reality of america of america that we just can't forget or let happen again and so going saying like you know the free the nipple movement i don't I don't want to walk around naked, let me be real. But the fact of... someone controlling my body i think everyone can agree with this upsets me it makes it makes you want to walk around naked because you're literally like i'm not being controlled i'm not less than i am i'm equal to you and you should not demean me in that way i obviously know that there's there's other issues along with that one but it's not the hill i'm going to die on but it's it's something that controlling someone's rights i don't know why i'm pausing like that i'm not meaning to i literally can't think um it rubs it should rub everyone wrong like it should be a thing that's like well i don't really think so like i'm obviously not necessarily gonna be walking around naked i'm not really comfortable with my boobs like that anyway honestly i've always wanted to get a breast reduction just because honestly fashion I know people are like it's so sexualized but so much like fashion like clothing styles you can't wear because when you look on it it doesn't look good or it looks too sexual when you're not trying to be sexual you're like I just want to wear a cute top and my boobs are popping out because all my freaking weight goes to my boobs for some crazy reason like I it's not a thing I'm I'm super fun of like I like my I like my butt there's been a period when I've lost weight and it's gone away and I never thought that that would upset me like I grew up kind of plus plus sized in my um teen years and I would always like want a smaller body like I was happy with myself but like I would want to be you know the ideal image that's broadcast all over media excuse me which isn't necessarily something healthy to live upon or to compare yourself to but i'm i think when i finally got to the point i'm just like okay well there are some things about this that i'm not happy with and there's some things that i know that people are not happy about me and it makes me not happy with myself and so i feel like i don't know there's body positivity that can help but i feel like a lot of it is lying to yourself In my opinion, what happens is you have a low self-worth and then so you try to overcompensate. You're like, well, I don't really feel good about myself. Someone's making me not feel good about myself and so I'm going to overcompensate that and I'm going to say I'm the best. I'm hot. I'm better than you. I'm amazing. I get a little narcissistic on your ass. Like that's what's going to happen, but the person doesn't believe that. the person has been told time and time again that they're worthless that this trait about them is not something that is good and they're literally lying to themselves to try to make themselves feel better and it comes across of uh oh my god they're so narcissistic they're all about themselves and people's reaction to that is to attack when someone sees someone that is so up their own butt They literally, they don't, they attack. They literally like the, like you're a wild animal. And when that happens, the problem, you're not solving the problem. You're solving the symptom, right? Because they're reacting to how this, the world is treating them. They're putting themselves in this false sense of security where they're like, okay, everything that everyone is saying about me is not true. That's not true. I actually think I'm better than you. I actually think I'm amazing. And them lying to someone, it leads to someone being like, well, you're not really amazing. Well, this is wrong about you. Oh, have you seen this? Oh my god, check this out. And that just creates a huge problem in them. Because all of this is being started for them by them having a low self worth. All of this is being started by them literally hating themselves. and lying to you about that and people there's i didn't realize this i'm gonna be real for a lot of these things i'm realizing i'm like oh my god i'm so like how did i not realize this it's so obvious it's not obvious but when you realize it you're like aha the hard thing to do is you need to what people say stroke their ego you need to fix what has been hurt so the fact that they're they're coming off as narcissistic or overconfident and you're like well this person doesn't need me to this person's good they don't need me to to gas them up in any way That's not necessarily true. I think they need it more than anyone. I think the thing they're desperately searching for is for someone to say, I hate the word pick me, because I think they're searching for love. They're searching for, sadly, approval, because we have a society that has taught us that the only way that we can view ourselves in any way that's okay is if someone says that we're good, is if someone finally says. oh my god you did a good job you're a good person like that's like the thing we're desperately searching for but too afraid to say it because it's uncool right but i don't know i i tend to just to to give to give people their flowers i know it's a lot of times it's hard especially when you're in a bad place too it leads to like it's like freaking oil and water something that should not be mixing at any point you but i i just i tend to just go for it because i know you're just like oh my god they're so annoying they're bothering you it's literally making you feel bad if you're unable to have a sit down conversation to and i know a lot of people are not able to that's something that's really hard to do it it creates so much issues i feel like the only thing you can do at that point is either leave which sucks because they're hurting or gas them up is what i usually try to do is i try to see okay so what is bothering you what is the thing that is that is making you feel like this what is something that what is what is the world making you feel like what are what's happening and if you're able to find that out you can literally just be like try you know just try to make them feel better about better about something that they don't feel good about i you don't always have to do that but i know when i'm in a bad when i feel bad about myself having someone validate that i know it's embarrassing to say it feels amazing like when you have when you're like low in the in the dumps and you're feeling bad about xyz and someone uplifts the same thing that you're feeling bad about it's it's literally like drugs it's amazing you're just like okay that's what i needed and obviously it's not something you should rely on but people lying is what happens in saying that we don't need to it's not something that is an issue that's no one wants to acknowledge that's something that has a problem because they're going to get made fun of and mocked it just it sucks because i wish people were i wish we were at an okay place in society where you could say to someone this made me insecure i'm uncomfortable i'm feeling actually really jealous i'm feeling very i don't like myself right now because of xyz and i feel like a lot of times people don't tell you that because there's not space no one's giving them the space to be like yeah you're comfortable you're you can talk to me you know when you see someone that's like clearly uncomfortable and you're trying to make it more comfortable for them to talk without pushing it. I feel like people need to be able to say, like, you know, no matter what, I'm not going to judge you for what you say to me. This is harder for strangers. But I feel like giving out the space, especially to people that we know and people we interact with, of, like, I'm not going to judge you for whatever you say to me. I'm not going to think you're crazy for having emotions. i'm not gonna even judge you always for lashing out for not being able to control yourself completely when you feel these emotions but i want you to talk to me and i want you to try to express this to me because it's it's it's it worries me and making people feel safe and making people feel like if they do come to you you're not going to be on attack mode i feel like is key to so much like there's so many things of like you know it's like kissing someone right everyone has like the anxiety of like oh my god what if they reject me what if they say i'm creepy what if the i'm a bad kisser you know there's so much anxiety when that first kiss has not happened at least for me and having someone being like i know this is crazy but having someone going up to you and be like you know you can kiss me right like obviously that's not flowy but that's gonna take away the person's ability like no one someone could be most people are not gonna be uncomfortable at that point if someone literally like a dude's like you know you can kiss me right you're gonna feel like you're like you're gonna feel more comfortable kissing him because you're like he's not gonna be uncomfortable when i kiss him he's not gonna take this as an assault he's not gonna attack me you know what i mean i'm not gonna make him uncomfortable like none of this is going to happen because he's he's already gave me the space to do that And I feel like if people did that for so many different things, not that it's on you, but I feel like it would solve a lot of situations. And it's honestly, it's why I don't step out of meeting people new so often, because that's the number one thing that people don't do is they don't give you the space. Or you're so fearful of even trying because they're not going to tell you. you don't know you know what i mean you have to just go for it and hope that this person doesn't judge you for something that is very vulnerable that you're coming to coming to talk to them about i don't know it just went on like 20 million goddamn tangents um and then that's something else i wanted to talk about which is people's ideas of friendship nowadays which sounds horrible because like when someone's like you're not my friend you're like oh my god that's so rude because it is it's rude but when we're talking about actual friendships most people's definitions are not what an actual friendship is like it's usually an acquaintance or someone that you're friendly with but they're not like actually your friend it's not something that it's not my book i would consider someone a friend when you feel comfortable disclosing and talking to them you know what i mean you feel comfortable combining come on them trust them i feel like a lot of people are you're friendly with them or you like them right and you like hanging out with them but you're like would i actually consider this person a friend would i consider this person someone like a really good friend i feel like i have so many people that i'm friendly with and i have so many people that i would call them a friend but i'm not I'm not close with. And so then it leaves me, I'm like, I don't want to be, I hate being, making someone feel bad. And so I'm just like, I'm not trying to say that you're a horrible person, or I don't want to be friends with you. What I'm saying is I'm just not comfortable yet in whatever stage of our relationship. And I don't know how to classify that other than we're just friendly. It sounds horrible because you can't really say that. You can't say you're not my friend, even though it's the truth of like, oh, we're friendly and I know you and I like this person, but we're not actually friends. And that sucks. I wish we were friends, but we're not actually friends. We're friendly and I like this person. I would probably hang out with them, but we're not friends. And it sucks. This is a horrible thing for me to go on about. But I just think. i think people say it because they don't it's another thing that they say because they don't want to be rude it's another thing that they're trying to avoid a conflict or trying to avoid upsetting someone or hurting someone so they're just like i rather just say this person is a friend and then not deal with sorry i'm thirsty and then not deal with all the negative consequences of them feeling like because i'm Like, I'll just call them a friend. Like, it's so much easier. And I feel like I need to start doing that. It's hard. It's hard. Because in my head, I'm weird. I just, I'm not weird. But it takes me a while for me to become comfortable with someone. And I've talked about that before. It just puts me in this weird situation where I'm just like, I like you as an individual. And I would probably choose to hang out with you. But I'm not really comfortable. around you because of me and it just so i don't know what to call you i don't know what to call you and be like oh yeah they're my friend but i can't talk to them on the phone so i guess i'm just gonna leave that because it bugged me but then i'm just like the more i think about it i'm just like this is not something a hill you want to die on or or at all Another thing that I was relating to that was, I don't know if you guys have been hearing about imposter syndrome. I'm not too researched in it at all. It's basically going to, I know like some of the symptoms are like self-doubt, anxiety, depression. The main thing is the fear of being exposed as a fraud. So the biggest example I have for this is, I don't know how to group people who are light skinned together. Like people who are... i guess light-skinned is the best the best term experience a lot of imposter syndrome and i don't want to say it's imposed on them or self-imposed but and it's no one's fault but all that happens is uh i think when you're like i said before when you're a person of color you're representing the whole community sadly and so when someone's speaking for the whole community and they're speaking their misinformation or they're speaking false falsely or they're lying i feel like people like to i don't know um they like to remind them about their privilege and when that happens um this imposter syndrome happens because you're literally this thing of like well am i not black now i know i'm looking at myself right now am i not black am i black you They're taking my black card away and I feel like I'm not black right now. Like, it's kind of crazy and not something that I would, it's not something I would complain about. Because I don't, it's not, it's not something that is worth complaining about. But it is something that happens and I feel like it's like the number one thing that happens. And it, people lash out from it. People get really, really offended by it. Because they're basically, they feel like you're basically calling them a fraud. They're not who they said they are. You literally make them, not necessarily on purpose, maybe sometimes on purpose, but they get, they feel like they're not who they're supposed to be. They, they're, they're constantly afraid that they're going to be exposed for being who they're not. And I feel like that's why a lot of people, I feel like a lot of colorism happens because people are so afraid of being i don't know someone they're so afraid of being called out for being um imposter that they stop from building those connections they stop from like i've even seen it i've like seen people literally get like anxious not because they're just like oh my god this person's gonna it's literally because they're afraid this person is going to call them out for being an imposter And obviously, I feel like the easiest thing that doesn't solve everything is to just acknowledge the privileges. To just acknowledge like, okay, yeah, we do have a shared struggle. But there are some things that you go through that I don't have to deal with. And I know that's the thing that's setting you off. I feel like people don't want to admit that or don't want to acknowledge that understandably and kind of understandably. And it just creates a divide. oh it's okay that you're uncomfortable around me i i think that's just i've never been someone to judge someone i'm not gonna be like okay i'm not gonna call you a freaking horrible person just because you're scared something might happen to you like that i'm no it's a hard thing when it when it transfers i don't even know how to say this there's like there's certain only ways you can do it right there's only certain ways you can you can reverse it you can't you know if i'm nervous going to see someone who's darker than me it looks bad it looks like i'm racist it looks like i'm it looks i'm just gonna say racist colorist such a weird way to say it looks like i have a bias no matter what it is versus you reverse that situation and they're uncomfortable with my presence i'm more comfortable with that no that's weird but i i understand it i'm like i know you're probably traumatized i know you're probably afraid and you're anxious on what might happen because bad things have happened to you before and i don't think that's something that i would i would never judge someone on that one i feel like a lot of a lot of people do do judge judge people sadly it's not something that i would i would try it would make me uncomfortable only on the fact that you're making someone uncomfortable you know what i mean you're like oh my god i don't want to make you feel like this i'm sorry or should i go i don't know what to do But at the same time... I would never do that. Anxiety with being the person I have has always been a horrible situation. I literally put a sign outside my house explaining my autism and anxiety because I didn't want someone to be like, oh my god, they're racist. I really didn't want someone to be like, oh my god, she's racist. She doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't want to see me. And I'm just like, oh my god, I feel so bad. So I just put a sign out. I know that's kind of pathetic, but I just literally didn't want, I didn't want someone to feel upset because I've honestly felt like that before. And so I wouldn't want someone to feel the same thing that I have. I guess that's it. I just, I'm like, there's so many things I can, I could continue talking about, but I'm looking at the clock and I'm like, this one has not been that entertaining. I'm honestly, I'm a... i'm a sec because i wanted this to be something that people could listen to but at the same time i'm just like this is not really entertaining it's not really exactly how i wanted to come across but i'm hoping i'm just gonna continue doing this and see what we can make of it and hopefully by like the fifth or tenth podcast episode i have like a rhythm down pack down pat whatever you also another something that thing that might happen if you have uh seen my partner in any way marcus i am trying to get him on to be uh getting on the podcast at least monthly for like a monthly podcast episode um we were supposed to do the first one together the miles in my shoes podcast and i can't I don't know. I thought it would be easier if we just did it started off monthly. And so we can I hope you guys will enjoy listening to us talk. It's going to be a different environment. And that's the one thing I wanted to have on here, which is like two people talking back and forth. Try to banter. Like that would be the thing that I also want in here besides talking about serious topics. So maybe you guys could let me know. There's two things that I would either want to do, which is either have him on monthly, or I could stop the podcast halfway and have him in for like the rest of the podcast. So we could just have a conversation that way. I don't know. I thought I would just ask you guys and see what you guys think. I appreciate everyone who listens. I didn't honestly expect a lot of people to listen and a lot of I got a lot more than I thought. honestly and um i really appreciate every single person that even listened to like a second of this it helped me it helps me and i can't even say i really do appreciate it so much and this is the one thing like i was supposed to try to make a tiktok this week again things are happening we finally got all the puppies homed but there's so many things that are happening that is just not possible right now also the same reason why um this potty oh god this podcast is not visual is um i just it's just not possible right now it will be visual at some point so i'm sorry yeah you'll see my um whatever my face looks like uh but this is so much easier i don't know if anyone wants to do a podcast but if you save up for just the equipment like you literally can just film in whatever you're freaking wearing you don't have to spend three hours getting ready so you can be on camera it's so much easier and i like it i don't think i'll ever have guests guests on i don't think that's something that's gonna happen i wish i could i i wish i could go on other people's podcasts i don't think it's gonna happen i don't think the product would be that good i think the only person i could probably talk on in a podcast format with it being unscripted would probably be my partner and so that's what we're gonna do um i'm just gonna end this here because i'm just trailing on all the things that i want to talk about we don't have time to talk about so i didn't even finish talking about the rest of my child we literally got to hair i was gonna tell you the story on it should i tell you should we extend this out um it's so boring let go you We just pop this out somewhere. Oh, I can talk about the Super Bowl real quickly. I'm not going to go into details because... we stopped watching i don't want to say names but we stopped watching a halfway we didn't even make it to the halftime show and i felt bad i was trying to find the halftime show online after uh after the show ended and i was literally i was so pissed off because i wanted to watch it i i was a little bit disappointed in the in the the super bowl ads honestly this year I liked the video things that the NFL did. I think it was the NFL. I was watching the pregame and I saw that one a lot more than the actual game. And they did this one with the coach where he was like, his younger self was like introducing himself. It was like meeting his older self and there was this whole thing. I literally started crying. I was like, oh my god. this is like oh my god it was so like emotional and then it goes and shows the um the actual guy in real life and he was tearing up too and i'm just like oh mckay it's not just me it's actually his life but it was it was it was a fun experience while we watched it um i didn't support any team but we were rooting for I think we were rooting for the Chiefs because that was Marcus's team. It was fun watching it. I really liked watching it. He had to explain a lot of what happened to me. What happened? He had to explain a lot what happened because I didn't really understand. But I really enjoyed watching it. It's something that I would watch every Super Bowl. I don't think it's too long. If you're not interested in that, it can be something that is a lot. I don't want to say boring. it's not boring but when you're not interested in it it feels like it is but i feel like that's something even if you're like oh i've never seen this before you could still watch and be like oh my god yes yes yes you know what i mean you can really get into it really quickly but um i think i'm gonna end this here mostly because i've been talking for too long and i think this is kind of boring but um I really enjoyed this. If you enjoyed listening to this, I really freaking appreciate you. Like, oh my god. I love it so much. It's crazy. I'm sorry. But we're just going to end this here. I'll see you tomorrow and hopefully tomorrow. I'll see you next week and by then I should be continuing with all my posts as normal on other socials. I can't speak. You should almost see something from me every single day, whether it's a short or something. I just don't want to say that because something happens and then someone's like, oh, but you did it. And I'm like, but I tried. I didn't. Not that something that I'm just so proud. Oh, my God, guys, I did not lie. But I'm going to end this here. Thank you for listening. Bye.
